1
00:00:01,669 --> 00:00:03,168
Wow!
2
00:00:04,839 --> 00:00:07,606
Oh, football!
Can I watch too?
3
00:00:07,608 --> 00:00:10,109
Oh, ALF, last time we
watched football together
4
00:00:10,111 --> 00:00:12,511
you belched all through
the whole game.
5
00:00:12,513 --> 00:00:16,215
Hey! That's how
we applaud on Melmac.
6
00:00:16,217 --> 00:00:18,017
Hey, good catch.
7
00:00:18,019 --> 00:00:19,551
[burps]
8
00:00:21,188 --> 00:00:23,689
No more applause please.
9
00:00:23,691 --> 00:00:26,091
Alright, I'll just clap.
10
00:00:28,462 --> 00:00:29,595
No.
11
00:00:30,531 --> 00:00:32,464
Hey, dad, want to play football?
12
00:00:32,466 --> 00:00:36,535
Oh! Yeah. Sure. Why not?
It's almost half-time anyway.
13
00:00:36,537 --> 00:00:37,669
Can I play too?
14
00:00:37,671 --> 00:00:40,039
Oh, sure. Come on.
Kate, we'll all play.
15
00:00:40,041 --> 00:00:41,306
I'll pass.
16
00:00:41,308 --> 00:00:43,475
No, I wanna pass.
17
00:00:44,812 --> 00:00:46,578
I mean I don't wanna play.
18
00:00:46,580 --> 00:00:49,481
Why, 'cause I won't
let you pass?
19
00:00:51,085 --> 00:00:53,118
Come on, ALF.
20
00:00:53,587 --> 00:00:55,788
[burps]
21
00:00:57,858 --> 00:00:59,758
I said no applause.
22
00:00:59,760 --> 00:01:03,328
That wasn't applause,
that was root beer.
23
00:01:04,565 --> 00:01:07,599
[theme music]
24
00:01:37,431 --> 00:01:40,632
[music continues]
25
00:02:07,228 --> 00:02:10,395
[instrumental music]
26
00:02:12,266 --> 00:02:14,766
That was quick. What happened
to your football game?
27
00:02:14,768 --> 00:02:17,669
The game was called
on account of ALF.
28
00:02:17,671 --> 00:02:20,672
Yeah, first, he sat
on the sidelines
29
00:02:20,674 --> 00:02:22,808
spat into his helmet.
30
00:02:22,810 --> 00:02:25,344
Then he said
we weren't playing right.
31
00:02:25,346 --> 00:02:28,614
Yeah, he sent Brian off on
a very complicated pass pattern
32
00:02:28,616 --> 00:02:31,750
and he told him
to slant left, button hook.
33
00:02:31,752 --> 00:02:34,653
Hop up and down,
put on a disguise
34
00:02:34,655 --> 00:02:36,488
- Dig a hole.
- Dig a hole, right.
35
00:02:36,490 --> 00:02:39,191
Stay in it until
Groundhog's Day.
36
00:02:39,193 --> 00:02:41,793
Then do the hokey pokey
and turn myself around.
37
00:02:41,795 --> 00:02:44,663
Yeah, turn yourself around,
uh-huh.
38
00:02:44,665 --> 00:02:47,366
That would fake out
the other team.
39
00:02:47,368 --> 00:02:50,269
So we're going to watch
the game on TV.
40
00:02:50,271 --> 00:02:52,971
Think we'll get
a better workout that way.
41
00:02:52,973 --> 00:02:54,673
(ALF)
'Post pattern, Willie.'
42
00:02:54,675 --> 00:02:57,242
- No, no. No!
- 'Heads up!'
43
00:02:59,446 --> 00:03:03,182
Ahem. What happened?
Did we score?
44
00:03:03,184 --> 00:03:07,152
No, it was intercepted
by my dinnerware.
45
00:03:07,154 --> 00:03:10,622
What do you expect, when you
leave plates in the end zone?
46
00:03:12,860 --> 00:03:14,693
Keep this outside!
47
00:03:14,695 --> 00:03:19,331
Hey, hey, watch it!
You'll break the grass.
48
00:03:19,333 --> 00:03:21,667
[instrumental music]
49
00:03:25,539 --> 00:03:28,207
Mmm. Great meal, mom,
what's for dessert?
50
00:03:28,209 --> 00:03:29,541
You can't have dessert
51
00:03:29,543 --> 00:03:31,677
till all the other
food's been served.
52
00:03:31,679 --> 00:03:34,513
All the other food
has been served.
53
00:03:34,515 --> 00:03:37,416
That's it? One measly ham?
54
00:03:37,418 --> 00:03:40,519
Why did I work up an appetite
playing football?
55
00:03:40,521 --> 00:03:42,054
Who were you playing
football with?
56
00:03:42,056 --> 00:03:44,890
- He played by himself.
- And I won.
57
00:03:44,892 --> 00:03:47,392
In overtime.
58
00:03:47,394 --> 00:03:50,329
You didn't trample
my flower garden, did you?
59
00:03:50,331 --> 00:03:54,566
Don't worry, I tip-toed
through your tulips.
60
00:03:54,568 --> 00:03:56,001
- Let's see your feet.
- Hmm?
61
00:03:56,003 --> 00:03:57,502
Feet!
62
00:04:00,241 --> 00:04:04,710
You tip-toed through my tulips,
but you demolished my daisies.
63
00:04:04,712 --> 00:04:09,047
Well, don't worry. I high-tailed
it past your hyacinths.
64
00:04:09,049 --> 00:04:10,515
Your turn.
65
00:04:10,517 --> 00:04:12,050
- I'll get it.
- I'll get it.
66
00:04:12,052 --> 00:04:15,754
- Thank you, Lynn.
- Now, where were we, ALF?
67
00:04:15,756 --> 00:04:17,789
Well, If I remember correctly
68
00:04:17,791 --> 00:04:20,692
you were about to give
me a foot massage.
69
00:04:23,397 --> 00:04:25,097
- Oh, hi, Mrs. Ochmonek.
- Hello, Lynn.
70
00:04:25,099 --> 00:04:27,099
I would like speak with
your mother and father.
71
00:04:27,101 --> 00:04:29,501
Sure. Mom, dad.
72
00:04:30,437 --> 00:04:31,770
Oh, is that our football?
73
00:04:31,772 --> 00:04:34,139
Well, it's definitely
not mine.
74
00:04:34,141 --> 00:04:35,407
Hi, Raquel.
75
00:04:35,409 --> 00:04:37,909
Raquel, is something
the matter?
76
00:04:37,911 --> 00:04:40,946
Do you know how this football,
got into our backyard?
77
00:04:40,948 --> 00:04:42,447
Uh, not exactly.
78
00:04:42,449 --> 00:04:45,450
Uh, Brian was playing with it.
79
00:04:45,452 --> 00:04:47,452
He probably kicked
it over the fence.
80
00:04:47,454 --> 00:04:49,788
- Well, it broke our window.
- Oh!
81
00:04:49,790 --> 00:04:53,725
I'm so sorry, I'll..
I'll pay for it, of course--
82
00:04:53,727 --> 00:04:57,062
Our very large picture window.
83
00:04:59,233 --> 00:05:00,799
I'll get your checkbook.
84
00:05:00,801 --> 00:05:03,802
Oh, no, that's alright.
Raquel, just send us the bill.
85
00:05:03,804 --> 00:05:05,304
Fine, but please
speak to Brian.
86
00:05:05,306 --> 00:05:07,906
Criminal behavior should
be nipped in the bud.
87
00:05:07,908 --> 00:05:09,308
Criminal behavior?
88
00:05:09,310 --> 00:05:13,078
Breaking windows today could
lead to robbing banks tomorrow.
89
00:05:13,080 --> 00:05:15,647
Brian, a bank robber?
90
00:05:15,649 --> 00:05:17,316
Al Capone was a good boy
91
00:05:17,318 --> 00:05:19,651
until he broke
my grandfather's window.
92
00:05:19,653 --> 00:05:22,154
Of course he pushed
my grandfather through it.
93
00:05:22,156 --> 00:05:24,556
But the result was the same.
94
00:05:29,029 --> 00:05:30,495
[sighs]
95
00:05:30,497 --> 00:05:33,598
- ALF!
- 'Yes!'
96
00:05:33,600 --> 00:05:37,669
- Come here.
- 'No problem.'
97
00:05:40,774 --> 00:05:44,109
Kate, I'm sorry
about your flowers.
98
00:05:44,111 --> 00:05:47,846
Please accept these
along with my apologies.
99
00:05:49,683 --> 00:05:52,017
They smell like feet.
100
00:05:52,019 --> 00:05:54,419
I washed them in Desenex.
101
00:05:56,223 --> 00:05:59,958
ALF, where is our football?
102
00:05:59,960 --> 00:06:01,460
Behind your back.
103
00:06:02,529 --> 00:06:05,797
Raquel said
it broke her window.
104
00:06:05,799 --> 00:06:09,701
Well, that's ridiculous!
Footballs don't break windows.
105
00:06:09,703 --> 00:06:12,337
- People do.
- What about aliens?
106
00:06:12,339 --> 00:06:15,040
Me? I broke nothing I swear.
107
00:06:15,042 --> 00:06:17,209
You broke those plates
when you threw the football
108
00:06:17,211 --> 00:06:18,744
through my kitchen window.
109
00:06:18,746 --> 00:06:21,113
Oh, like that's relevant.
110
00:06:22,916 --> 00:06:28,186
ALF, how did this football get
into the Ochmoneks' backyard?
111
00:06:28,188 --> 00:06:30,489
Well, I have a theory.
112
00:06:30,491 --> 00:06:32,157
Please share it.
113
00:06:32,159 --> 00:06:35,827
Alright. See, I was
standing near the fence.
114
00:06:35,829 --> 00:06:38,830
I kicked the football,
it went up
115
00:06:38,832 --> 00:06:41,666
but it never came back down.
116
00:06:41,668 --> 00:06:43,368
So what's your theory?
117
00:06:43,370 --> 00:06:46,071
Well, isn't it obvious?
Gravity failure.
118
00:06:47,374 --> 00:06:51,543
The football came down
in the Ochmoneks' backyard
119
00:06:51,545 --> 00:06:53,779
and then it broke their window.
120
00:06:53,781 --> 00:06:55,881
Well, I find that
hard to believe.
121
00:06:55,883 --> 00:06:59,584
See, if there's one sound I
recognize, it's glass breaking.
122
00:06:59,586 --> 00:07:01,086
Also China breaking
123
00:07:01,088 --> 00:07:04,222
ceramics breaking,
appliances breaking.
124
00:07:04,224 --> 00:07:05,724
I think my point is made.
125
00:07:05,726 --> 00:07:08,460
Dad, we can't really be sure
that ALF broke the window.
126
00:07:08,462 --> 00:07:10,629
Thank you, Lynn.
127
00:07:10,631 --> 00:07:12,264
Maybe Lynn broke it.
128
00:07:12,266 --> 00:07:15,467
I didn't, but there could
be other explanations.
129
00:07:15,469 --> 00:07:18,537
Well, yeah. There could be
lots of explanations.
130
00:07:18,539 --> 00:07:19,938
Like what?
131
00:07:19,940 --> 00:07:21,306
Explanation one.
132
00:07:21,308 --> 00:07:24,776
The Ochmoneks invited
Ella Fitzgerald over for tea.
133
00:07:24,778 --> 00:07:28,980
Ella hits a high C,
whammo, there goes the window!
134
00:07:28,982 --> 00:07:31,950
Explanation two,
Dough Henning comes over.
135
00:07:31,952 --> 00:07:34,286
He accidentally levitates
Trevor through--
136
00:07:34,288 --> 00:07:36,655
Stop this, stop this!
137
00:07:36,657 --> 00:07:38,757
But I have 18 more.
138
00:07:38,759 --> 00:07:41,793
Although the last few
are a little far-fetched.
139
00:07:41,795 --> 00:07:44,162
Explanation three,
what happened--
140
00:07:44,164 --> 00:07:46,898
- What did ALF do this time?
- Nothing.
141
00:07:46,900 --> 00:07:48,900
Somebody broke
the Ochmoneks' window
142
00:07:48,902 --> 00:07:50,802
and we're trying to
figure out who it was.
143
00:07:50,804 --> 00:07:52,337
Say, it wasn't you,
was it Brian?
144
00:07:52,339 --> 00:07:53,638
No.
145
00:07:53,640 --> 00:07:55,974
Brian dear, this
is very important--
146
00:07:55,976 --> 00:07:58,944
Hey, if the kid said he didn't
do it, he didn't do it.
147
00:07:58,946 --> 00:08:01,346
- Stop with the third degree.
- Fine.
148
00:08:01,348 --> 00:08:04,082
If he didn't do it, that makes
you the prime suspect.
149
00:08:05,619 --> 00:08:08,153
Brian dear,
this is very important.
150
00:08:08,155 --> 00:08:11,590
- Did you break the window?
- No.
151
00:08:11,592 --> 00:08:14,359
Huh! Who could it have been?
152
00:08:14,361 --> 00:08:16,328
It could have been..
153
00:08:16,330 --> 00:08:17,829
...you.
154
00:08:17,831 --> 00:08:21,500
Or Ella, don't count her out.
155
00:08:21,502 --> 00:08:25,670
Alright, that's it. You're not
watching TV for one month.
156
00:08:25,672 --> 00:08:27,672
Why, what did I do?
157
00:08:27,674 --> 00:08:30,008
You can't punish me
without a just cause.
158
00:08:30,010 --> 00:08:32,844
- I demand a trial.
- There's no need for a trial.
159
00:08:32,846 --> 00:08:34,346
Forget the trial.
160
00:08:34,348 --> 00:08:36,848
So you do think I'm guilty.
161
00:08:36,850 --> 00:08:39,851
You're punishing
an innocent alien.
162
00:08:39,853 --> 00:08:41,186
Dad, maybe ALF
should get a trial.
163
00:08:41,188 --> 00:08:43,388
I mean, we don't know
for sure that he did it.
164
00:08:43,390 --> 00:08:44,723
Yeah, dad, my teacher said
165
00:08:44,725 --> 00:08:48,493
everyone's innocent
until proven guilty.
166
00:08:48,495 --> 00:08:50,195
And he does look sincere.
167
00:08:51,999 --> 00:08:54,733
He looks like he's
trying for an Oscar.
168
00:08:56,370 --> 00:09:01,406
Okay, fine. ALF gets
his trial. I'll be the judge.
169
00:09:01,408 --> 00:09:05,243
Oh, no offense, Willie,
but I prefer a fair trial.
170
00:09:06,847 --> 00:09:08,947
What you trust mom
to be the judge?
171
00:09:12,152 --> 00:09:13,652
Without hesitation.
172
00:09:15,222 --> 00:09:18,523
I'm not gonna be the judge, and
there's not gonna be a trial.
173
00:09:18,525 --> 00:09:23,061
Look, I know my rights. I want
my day in court and that's that!
174
00:09:23,063 --> 00:09:27,265
If I'm found guilty,
I'll take the month with no TV.
175
00:09:28,235 --> 00:09:29,568
Okay.
176
00:09:29,570 --> 00:09:31,937
Okay, fine. Present your case.
177
00:09:31,939 --> 00:09:35,240
Now? I need time to prepare.
178
00:09:35,242 --> 00:09:39,044
Listen, mister, you are
the one who asked for a trial.
179
00:09:39,046 --> 00:09:43,081
But I need subpoenas,
and affidavits, and a secretary
180
00:09:43,083 --> 00:09:45,917
who could spell those things.
181
00:09:45,919 --> 00:09:47,686
Okay, we'll have a trial
182
00:09:47,688 --> 00:09:50,589
tomorrow morning
after breakfast.
183
00:09:50,591 --> 00:09:52,924
Fine, whatever you say,
Your Honor.
184
00:09:52,926 --> 00:09:56,094
I respect your judgment
and I'm not just saying that.
185
00:09:56,096 --> 00:09:58,763
- Stop kissing up.
- I'm not kissing up.
186
00:09:58,765 --> 00:10:01,967
I'm innocent.
Why should I have to kiss up?
187
00:10:01,969 --> 00:10:05,937
By the way, I love what
you've done with your hair.
188
00:10:05,939 --> 00:10:07,973
- Stop it.
- I'm stopped.
189
00:10:07,975 --> 00:10:09,774
It's stopped. You're right.
190
00:10:09,776 --> 00:10:11,543
You're brilliant.
She's brilliant.
191
00:10:11,545 --> 00:10:13,278
She's really is.
She's brilliant.
192
00:10:13,280 --> 00:10:16,114
No more kissing up. Not if she
doesn't want me to kiss up.
193
00:10:16,116 --> 00:10:19,050
I wouldn't kiss up
to the judge. Nuh-uh. No, no.
194
00:10:20,787 --> 00:10:22,988
[instrumental music]
195
00:10:24,224 --> 00:10:28,093
Hear ye, hear ye!
Court is now in session.
196
00:10:28,095 --> 00:10:31,062
Honorable Judge Mom presiding.
197
00:10:32,899 --> 00:10:34,899
Thank you, Brian,
that was very good.
198
00:10:36,069 --> 00:10:38,470
- Where's ALF?
- Here he comes.
199
00:10:38,472 --> 00:10:40,639
F. Lee Shumway.
200
00:10:40,641 --> 00:10:43,274
In my best suit.
201
00:10:43,276 --> 00:10:45,510
Hey, you're gonna
lose more than your suit
202
00:10:45,512 --> 00:10:47,946
when this case is over.
203
00:10:47,948 --> 00:10:49,681
Sorry I'm late, Your Honor.
204
00:10:49,683 --> 00:10:52,784
My client had to
visit the bathroom.
205
00:10:52,786 --> 00:10:54,319
Did you have to go now?
206
00:10:54,321 --> 00:10:56,187
Yes, or I would have
done something
207
00:10:56,189 --> 00:10:59,090
to make the court
hold me in contempt.
208
00:11:00,827 --> 00:11:03,161
- Could we start now, honey?
- Objection!
209
00:11:03,163 --> 00:11:06,297
There can be no justice
if I call you Your Honor
210
00:11:06,299 --> 00:11:09,000
but the prosecution
calls you honey.
211
00:11:09,836 --> 00:11:11,836
It doesn't matter, ALF.
212
00:11:11,838 --> 00:11:13,838
Perhaps a compromise.
213
00:11:13,840 --> 00:11:16,074
We'll call you Your Honey.
214
00:11:17,310 --> 00:11:20,178
Uh, let me add that
your dress is a perfect choice.
215
00:11:20,180 --> 00:11:22,681
Authoritative, yet feminine.
216
00:11:22,683 --> 00:11:25,283
It's ridiculous!
217
00:11:25,285 --> 00:11:28,353
Let the record show that
Willie hates your dress.
218
00:11:29,823 --> 00:11:31,289
Willie gave me this dress.
219
00:11:32,626 --> 00:11:34,459
Oh, bribing the judge, huh?
220
00:11:36,196 --> 00:11:39,397
Willie, uh, I guess you have,
what, an opening statement?
221
00:11:39,399 --> 00:11:40,965
[clears throat]
That won't take long.
222
00:11:40,967 --> 00:11:43,301
Simply put,
ALF broke the window.
223
00:11:43,303 --> 00:11:46,504
Oh, great speech, counselor.
I'm a goner.
224
00:11:46,506 --> 00:11:48,573
Ha, ha, ha!
225
00:11:48,575 --> 00:11:51,543
ALF, I presume that you
have an opening statement.
226
00:11:51,545 --> 00:11:53,745
A brief comment.
227
00:11:53,747 --> 00:11:56,548
Since the dawn of time,
the innocent
228
00:11:56,550 --> 00:11:58,683
have been unjustly accused.
229
00:11:58,685 --> 00:12:01,386
Adam and Eve were evicted
from the Garden of Eden
230
00:12:01,388 --> 00:12:04,489
on a trumped-up charge
of eating an apple.
231
00:12:04,491 --> 00:12:06,257
But Adam and Eve were guilty.
232
00:12:06,259 --> 00:12:08,827
- Says who?
- Says God.
233
00:12:10,564 --> 00:12:11,996
Moving on.
234
00:12:11,998 --> 00:12:15,567
We come to the case
of Cain versus Abel.
235
00:12:15,569 --> 00:12:18,236
Is this gonna be a trip
through recorded history?
236
00:12:18,238 --> 00:12:20,772
Your Honor, the importance
of this case demands
237
00:12:20,774 --> 00:12:22,407
that every President
be made of--
238
00:12:22,409 --> 00:12:26,177
Because if so, we're gonna
have to forget about lunch.
239
00:12:26,179 --> 00:12:29,781
Then to sum it up,
ALF did not break the window.
240
00:12:29,783 --> 00:12:31,182
Let's eat.
241
00:12:32,586 --> 00:12:35,487
I think we'd better finish
with the trial first.
242
00:12:37,090 --> 00:12:39,057
Willie, present your evidence.
243
00:12:39,059 --> 00:12:41,192
The case is simple, Your Honor
244
00:12:41,194 --> 00:12:43,628
what we have here
is a broken window
245
00:12:43,630 --> 00:12:47,732
and we have a defendant
with a long, long history
246
00:12:47,734 --> 00:12:49,267
of reckless behavior.
247
00:12:49,269 --> 00:12:53,972
Starting with the day he crashed
his spaceship into our garage.
248
00:12:53,974 --> 00:12:55,607
Name 12 more.
249
00:12:56,610 --> 00:12:59,444
To name, just 12 more..
250
00:12:59,446 --> 00:13:03,314
He set a fire in the camper,
he chopped up our Christmas tree
251
00:13:03,316 --> 00:13:05,784
he wrecked the toaster,
he ripped that painting
252
00:13:05,786 --> 00:13:07,919
'he dug up the backyard,
he stole a car'
253
00:13:07,921 --> 00:13:09,420
he buried my piano.
254
00:13:09,422 --> 00:13:12,490
I think that's the thing
that hurt me the most.
255
00:13:12,492 --> 00:13:14,793
He got me arrested,
he used our credit cards
256
00:13:14,795 --> 00:13:18,730
excessively and illegally, he
short-circuited the television
257
00:13:18,732 --> 00:13:22,634
he terrorized the cat,
and he blew up the kitchen.
258
00:13:22,636 --> 00:13:26,304
So it's not hard to imagine
that such a person would, could
259
00:13:26,306 --> 00:13:31,309
and in fact did kick a football
through the Ochmoneks' window.
260
00:13:31,311 --> 00:13:32,577
Brilliant!
261
00:13:36,750 --> 00:13:38,983
Did I do all that?
262
00:13:38,985 --> 00:13:42,287
I'm afraid so. We went over
the list last night.
263
00:13:42,289 --> 00:13:43,755
Where?
264
00:13:43,757 --> 00:13:45,123
In bed.
265
00:13:45,125 --> 00:13:48,459
Objection! I'm up all night
with law books
266
00:13:48,461 --> 00:13:53,031
while you're in bed
with that ambulance chaser.
267
00:13:54,100 --> 00:13:56,501
You are out of order.
268
00:13:56,503 --> 00:14:00,271
I withdraw the slur
on my profession.
269
00:14:00,273 --> 00:14:05,176
I'd like to ask the defendant
a couple of questions, if I may.
270
00:14:05,178 --> 00:14:08,646
My client has nothing to hide.
271
00:14:08,648 --> 00:14:10,181
(Willie)
Thank you.
272
00:14:10,183 --> 00:14:14,085
As regards this broken window,
do you have an alibi?
273
00:14:14,855 --> 00:14:16,020
No.
274
00:14:16,022 --> 00:14:17,555
By your own admission,
you kicked
275
00:14:17,557 --> 00:14:20,525
that football into
the Ochmoneks' backyard?
276
00:14:20,527 --> 00:14:24,896
By my own admission,
I never heard anything break.
277
00:14:24,898 --> 00:14:30,068
If a window breaks in the woods,
and there's no one to hear it..
278
00:14:30,070 --> 00:14:33,037
...is it really broken?
279
00:14:33,039 --> 00:14:35,640
If you were in
the woods, uh, yeah.
280
00:14:38,712 --> 00:14:44,048
Do you still claim that Ella
Fitzgerald broke that window?
281
00:14:44,050 --> 00:14:45,383
That's entirely possible.
282
00:14:45,385 --> 00:14:47,585
- It is not possible.
- It is possible!
283
00:14:47,587 --> 00:14:50,555
It is not possible
because Ella Fitzgerald
284
00:14:50,557 --> 00:14:52,891
on the day in question
was out of town
285
00:14:52,893 --> 00:14:54,225
I've checked that out.
286
00:14:54,227 --> 00:14:58,730
Yeah? Would you know
where Beverly Sills was?
287
00:14:58,732 --> 00:15:00,465
I have no further questions.
288
00:15:01,501 --> 00:15:05,036
That's it?
That's your whole case?
289
00:15:05,038 --> 00:15:07,005
You're a disgrace
to the legal profession.
290
00:15:07,007 --> 00:15:10,608
Yeah, well, you don't know
your habeas from your corpus.
291
00:15:10,610 --> 00:15:12,977
Don't drag this into the gutter.
292
00:15:15,849 --> 00:15:18,116
I call to the stand..
293
00:15:20,921 --> 00:15:22,186
What's wrong?
294
00:15:23,123 --> 00:15:25,089
You ruined my dramatic pause.
295
00:15:25,091 --> 00:15:27,926
I was about to name
a surprise witness.
296
00:15:27,928 --> 00:15:29,227
Sorry.
297
00:15:29,229 --> 00:15:31,596
I call to the stand..
298
00:15:31,598 --> 00:15:33,865
...Lynn Tanner.
299
00:15:33,867 --> 00:15:36,200
- Me?
- Surprise!
300
00:15:43,276 --> 00:15:44,976
How long have you
known the defendant?
301
00:15:44,978 --> 00:15:46,411
I have known you..
302
00:15:46,413 --> 00:15:49,314
I mean the defendant
about a year.
303
00:15:49,316 --> 00:15:55,053
Would you say that the defendant
has any saintly qualities?
304
00:15:55,055 --> 00:15:58,122
Well, he resembles
a Saint Bernard.
305
00:16:02,996 --> 00:16:05,063
Quiet, shyster.
306
00:16:07,767 --> 00:16:11,269
Do you think that the
defendant broke the window?
307
00:16:11,271 --> 00:16:14,138
- I guess not.
- Thanks, you're out of here.
308
00:16:14,140 --> 00:16:16,507
Next witness,
I'd like to call..
309
00:16:16,509 --> 00:16:18,576
But let me check
something first.
310
00:16:18,578 --> 00:16:20,311
Brian, come here.
311
00:16:23,416 --> 00:16:25,016
Do you think
I broke the window?
312
00:16:25,018 --> 00:16:26,551
I don't know.
313
00:16:28,021 --> 00:16:30,154
Well, think about it.
314
00:16:30,156 --> 00:16:33,124
I call Brian Tanner
to the stand.
315
00:16:33,126 --> 00:16:35,960
He gave him a bribe!
316
00:16:35,962 --> 00:16:38,963
I prefer to think of it
as an early birthday present.
317
00:16:38,965 --> 00:16:40,198
Thanks, ALF.
318
00:16:41,001 --> 00:16:43,835
Are there any other witnesses?
319
00:16:43,837 --> 00:16:45,169
Yes, Your Honor.
320
00:16:45,171 --> 00:16:47,305
I'd like to call
myself to the stand.
321
00:16:47,307 --> 00:16:50,274
- Oh, brother!
- No, no, no. It's alright.
322
00:16:50,276 --> 00:16:52,610
- ALF, go ahead.
- Thank you.
323
00:16:58,385 --> 00:17:00,351
Did you break the window?
324
00:17:01,388 --> 00:17:02,887
No.
325
00:17:02,889 --> 00:17:06,357
But you don't even know what
window we're talking about.
326
00:17:06,359 --> 00:17:09,827
Well, I assume that you, you
meant the Ochmoneks' window.
327
00:17:09,829 --> 00:17:13,398
Oh, just like we're supposed
to assume your innocence!
328
00:17:13,400 --> 00:17:16,401
- Well, I--
- What are you doing?
329
00:17:16,403 --> 00:17:19,303
I'm just trying to spice
up the proceedings.
330
00:17:20,306 --> 00:17:21,973
I don't wanna hear anymore.
331
00:17:21,975 --> 00:17:23,875
Case dismissed then.
332
00:17:23,877 --> 00:17:25,510
- Objection.
- Sustained.
333
00:17:25,512 --> 00:17:28,713
Figures. I want this case
thrown out of court.
334
00:17:28,715 --> 00:17:30,314
Why?
335
00:17:30,316 --> 00:17:31,816
Because I'm losing.
336
00:17:33,520 --> 00:17:34,919
Summaries?
337
00:17:34,921 --> 00:17:37,288
- ALF did it.
- No, I didn't.
338
00:17:39,025 --> 00:17:41,559
Okay, I'll decide on my verdict.
339
00:17:41,561 --> 00:17:43,227
Take your time,
Your Honor.
340
00:17:43,229 --> 00:17:46,097
Assess and reassess
the evidence before you.
341
00:17:46,099 --> 00:17:48,066
I don't care if it takes days
342
00:17:48,068 --> 00:17:50,601
weeks, months,
to reach a verdict.
343
00:17:50,603 --> 00:17:53,905
Just as long as
justice is served
344
00:17:53,907 --> 00:17:56,140
and I'm found not guilty.
345
00:17:57,677 --> 00:17:58,910
I'm done.
346
00:17:58,912 --> 00:18:00,912
Already?
347
00:18:00,914 --> 00:18:04,015
Well, is it a good verdict
or a bad verdict?
348
00:18:04,017 --> 00:18:05,283
Bad.
349
00:18:06,219 --> 00:18:08,086
Bad for me
or bad for him?
350
00:18:08,088 --> 00:18:09,620
Bad for you.
351
00:18:11,591 --> 00:18:14,125
Then don't tell me what it is.
352
00:18:14,127 --> 00:18:16,527
And please, I'd like
you to accept this
353
00:18:16,529 --> 00:18:19,864
lovely expensive
parting gift.
354
00:18:22,769 --> 00:18:24,335
No, thank you.
355
00:18:25,939 --> 00:18:30,675
As agreed, I sentence you
to 30 days with no TV.
356
00:18:32,145 --> 00:18:35,980
Alright, alright.
I've changed my mind.
357
00:18:35,982 --> 00:18:37,615
I don't want a trial.
358
00:18:39,819 --> 00:18:42,854
[instrumental music]
359
00:18:45,792 --> 00:18:50,795
Well, 9 o'clock.
Time for "Golden Girls."
360
00:18:50,797 --> 00:18:54,632
So, Blanche, who are you
gonna sleep with tonight?
361
00:18:54,634 --> 00:18:55,766
Everybody.
362
00:18:55,768 --> 00:18:58,469
Ha, ha, ha!
363
00:18:59,906 --> 00:19:01,239
What are you doing?
364
00:19:01,241 --> 00:19:04,575
Watching "Golden Girls."
What does it look like?
365
00:19:06,146 --> 00:19:07,778
Say, hello, Sophia.
366
00:19:07,780 --> 00:19:10,248
Not now. I have to
go to the bathroom
367
00:19:10,250 --> 00:19:13,317
before I lose my seat. Ha, ha!
368
00:19:13,319 --> 00:19:15,153
- ALF.
- You're right.
369
00:19:15,155 --> 00:19:17,488
They do the same jokes
every week.
370
00:19:17,490 --> 00:19:19,357
Hit the music, will ya?
371
00:19:19,359 --> 00:19:21,559
I'm gonna watch "Dance Fever."
372
00:19:23,496 --> 00:19:25,696
[instrumental music on stereo]
373
00:19:26,833 --> 00:19:29,700
Yeah! Go, Feverettes!
374
00:19:32,038 --> 00:19:34,772
ALF, I think you're losing it.
375
00:19:34,774 --> 00:19:37,175
Then stick me
in a state hospital.
376
00:19:37,177 --> 00:19:39,443
One with a big screen TV.
377
00:19:39,445 --> 00:19:42,947
I'm sorry. But you're
the one who wanted a trial.
378
00:19:42,949 --> 00:19:46,150
Yeah, I also thought
justice would triumph.
379
00:19:46,152 --> 00:19:47,818
But I was wrong.
380
00:19:47,820 --> 00:19:50,888
I'm being punished for
a crime I didn't commit.
381
00:19:50,890 --> 00:19:53,524
You really didn't
do it, did you?
382
00:19:53,526 --> 00:19:55,493
No.
383
00:19:55,495 --> 00:19:57,695
You believe me, don't you, Lynn?
384
00:19:57,697 --> 00:19:59,363
Of course I do.
385
00:19:59,365 --> 00:20:03,167
Thanks. I just wish
I had a better lawyer.
386
00:20:03,169 --> 00:20:07,338
Oh, ALF, I think, you did fine.
You handled yourself very well.
387
00:20:07,340 --> 00:20:09,373
Would you let me represent you?
388
00:20:11,044 --> 00:20:12,577
Without hesitation.
389
00:20:13,913 --> 00:20:15,613
[doorbell dings]
390
00:20:20,753 --> 00:20:23,387
- Oh, hi, Trevor.
- How ya doin', Willie?
391
00:20:23,389 --> 00:20:25,389
What can we do for you?
392
00:20:25,391 --> 00:20:28,392
Well, actually,
I came to see Brian.
393
00:20:28,394 --> 00:20:32,330
You came to see me?
What about?
394
00:20:32,332 --> 00:20:33,831
About the window.
395
00:20:35,902 --> 00:20:39,036
I'm sorry you got blamed
for something I did.
396
00:20:39,038 --> 00:20:41,205
You broke the window?
397
00:20:41,207 --> 00:20:42,740
Yeah.
398
00:20:42,742 --> 00:20:45,509
You see, I found
your football in my backyard
399
00:20:45,511 --> 00:20:48,746
and I started to relive
my glory days as a quarterback.
400
00:20:49,916 --> 00:20:53,117
I played for seven
years in high school.
401
00:20:53,119 --> 00:20:55,086
You must have been very good.
402
00:20:55,088 --> 00:20:57,555
- Uh, at sports.
- Oh, yeah.
403
00:20:57,557 --> 00:21:00,391
Anyway, I tried to
complete a pass
404
00:21:00,393 --> 00:21:03,094
between the birdbath
and the sundial.
405
00:21:03,096 --> 00:21:06,864
But it bounced off the porcelain
gnome and broke the window.
406
00:21:06,866 --> 00:21:10,434
Well, why didn't you
just tell Raquel?
407
00:21:10,436 --> 00:21:13,704
I wanted to protect
her image of me.
408
00:21:13,706 --> 00:21:16,574
She still thinks of me
as her football hero.
409
00:21:16,576 --> 00:21:19,710
- So you told her Brian did it?
- Oh, no.
410
00:21:19,712 --> 00:21:23,080
I didn't find out till this
morning she blamed him.
411
00:21:23,082 --> 00:21:25,216
And then when I saw
"I'm innocent" spray painted
412
00:21:25,218 --> 00:21:28,853
on your bathroom window
I figured I'd better fess up.
413
00:21:29,956 --> 00:21:31,289
I'm sorry, little guy.
414
00:21:31,291 --> 00:21:33,758
It's okay, big guy.
415
00:21:33,760 --> 00:21:38,729
Oh, by the way, Brian, there's
only one 'S' in innocent.
416
00:21:38,731 --> 00:21:39,864
Thanks.
417
00:21:40,800 --> 00:21:42,233
Well..
418
00:21:42,235 --> 00:21:44,302
...case dismissed.
419
00:21:44,304 --> 00:21:47,638
- What?
- Uh..
420
00:21:47,640 --> 00:21:49,840
Nothing.
421
00:21:49,842 --> 00:21:51,676
I hope I didn't cause
too much trouble.
422
00:21:51,678 --> 00:21:54,111
Oh, that's okay,
Trevor, it's over now.
423
00:21:54,113 --> 00:21:56,480
Actually, it's kind of sweet
that you still care so much
424
00:21:56,482 --> 00:21:57,782
what Raquel thinks.
425
00:21:57,784 --> 00:22:00,618
And I guess we're just
a couple of romantics.
426
00:22:00,620 --> 00:22:02,687
Sometimes I put on
my old letter sweater
427
00:22:02,689 --> 00:22:05,990
Raquel wears her cheerleader
outfit, and we tap a keg.
428
00:22:05,992 --> 00:22:07,325
Just like the old days.
429
00:22:07,327 --> 00:22:09,660
Raquel was a cheerleader?
430
00:22:09,662 --> 00:22:12,263
Still has the same figure
she had in high school.
431
00:22:12,265 --> 00:22:14,098
No kidding.
432
00:22:14,100 --> 00:22:16,167
Of course she works at it.
433
00:22:16,169 --> 00:22:17,835
- Bye, I'll see you, Willie.
- Well, thanks.
434
00:22:17,837 --> 00:22:19,437
Trevor, thanks for
clearing all that up.
435
00:22:19,439 --> 00:22:20,971
Oh, I had to.
436
00:22:20,973 --> 00:22:24,308
Once I found that Raquel
wanted you to pay this bill.
437
00:22:24,310 --> 00:22:26,510
The least I could do
is go halfsies.
438
00:22:28,348 --> 00:22:30,047
Eh, it's on me.
439
00:22:34,620 --> 00:22:38,556
Well, Willie, as my last
official act as judge
440
00:22:38,558 --> 00:22:40,524
I suggest we apologize to ALF.
441
00:22:40,526 --> 00:22:42,727
Yeah, I better.
I'd better do it.
442
00:22:42,729 --> 00:22:45,963
After all, I was the prosecutor.
443
00:22:45,965 --> 00:22:47,365
[chuckles]
444
00:22:47,367 --> 00:22:50,601
[glass shattering]
445
00:22:53,906 --> 00:22:57,708
Hear ye, hear ye,
court is now in session.
446
00:23:04,150 --> 00:23:06,250
[laughing]
447
00:23:06,252 --> 00:23:08,586
Yeah, yeah!
448
00:23:08,588 --> 00:23:12,390
Oh, don't be fool.
You're not the father.
449
00:23:12,392 --> 00:23:14,024
Buy a vowel.
450
00:23:14,026 --> 00:23:17,261
- What are you doing?
- I'm watching TVs.
451
00:23:17,263 --> 00:23:20,664
Turn two of those off.
You're wasting electricity.
452
00:23:21,567 --> 00:23:23,868
Hey, Willie, you owe me.
453
00:23:23,870 --> 00:23:26,437
You made me feel like
a common criminal.
454
00:23:26,439 --> 00:23:28,839
You've scarred me for life
455
00:23:28,841 --> 00:23:32,543
and now you want to
take away my TVs?
456
00:23:32,545 --> 00:23:36,013
At long last,
"Will-De-Beast."
457
00:23:36,015 --> 00:23:38,916
Have you no sense
of decency?
458
00:23:38,918 --> 00:23:43,921
ALF, how long are you gonna
push this guilt trip on me?
459
00:23:43,923 --> 00:23:46,157
I was thinking till
after Christmas.
460
00:23:47,360 --> 00:23:48,859
Think again.
461
00:23:50,696 --> 00:23:52,596
Hey, Willie,
while you're in there
462
00:23:52,598 --> 00:23:55,666
could you check on
my three TV dinners?
463
00:24:00,440 --> 00:24:03,707
Ha, ha, ha! Oh, yeah!
464
00:24:04,277 --> 00:24:07,511
[theme music]