1
00:00:02,003 --> 00:00:03,669
Hi, everyone, I'm home.
2
00:00:03,671 --> 00:00:05,871
Hi, honey,
supper's almost ready.
3
00:00:05,873 --> 00:00:07,172
Great. I'm starved.
4
00:00:07,174 --> 00:00:09,441
What's in the box, Willie?
5
00:00:09,443 --> 00:00:12,277
I'm fine, Alf.
How are you?
6
00:00:12,279 --> 00:00:16,648
Racked with curiosity,
cloaked in conundrum
7
00:00:16,650 --> 00:00:19,218
and carrying a thesaurus.
8
00:00:19,220 --> 00:00:21,053
Now, what's in that box?
9
00:00:21,055 --> 00:00:25,224
Did you ever hear the expression
"Curiosity killed the cat?"
10
00:00:25,226 --> 00:00:28,494
Yeah, it's usually
followed by the expression
11
00:00:28,496 --> 00:00:30,763
"Pass the plum sauce."
12
00:00:32,033 --> 00:00:33,832
Hey, dad, what's in the box?
13
00:00:33,834 --> 00:00:37,236
It's a dead cat, B.
I'll split it with ya.
14
00:00:37,238 --> 00:00:39,705
It's not a dead cat.
15
00:00:39,707 --> 00:00:43,709
But I think it is something
that you and Brian will enjoy.
16
00:00:43,711 --> 00:00:46,111
Is it the remains
of the Elephant Man?
17
00:00:47,915 --> 00:00:50,315
It's a tent!
18
00:00:50,317 --> 00:00:53,819
I thought you might enjoy
camping out in the backyard.
19
00:00:53,821 --> 00:00:57,322
Why? The refrigerator
and bathroom are in here.
20
00:00:58,893 --> 00:01:02,094
Look, uh, you're gonna
get to stay in the backyard
21
00:01:02,096 --> 00:01:05,597
in this tent
for a couple of days.
22
00:01:05,599 --> 00:01:07,166
Why?
23
00:01:07,168 --> 00:01:09,201
Because my Uncle Albert called
24
00:01:09,203 --> 00:01:10,936
he's coming for a visit.
25
00:01:10,938 --> 00:01:13,072
- Oh, no.
- Uncle Albert?
26
00:01:13,074 --> 00:01:15,541
Why is he coming?
He doesn't even like it here.
27
00:01:15,543 --> 00:01:17,743
All he does is complain.
28
00:01:17,745 --> 00:01:20,612
Well, it's not like
this place is Shangri-La.
29
00:01:21,916 --> 00:01:24,917
[theme music]
30
00:01:53,380 --> 00:01:56,648
[music continues]
31
00:02:24,278 --> 00:02:26,845
[instrumental music]
32
00:02:28,749 --> 00:02:31,583
Willie, we voted
fair and square.
33
00:02:31,585 --> 00:02:33,619
Uncle Albert
stays in the tent.
34
00:02:33,621 --> 00:02:37,356
No, you're staying
in the tent, ALF.
35
00:02:37,358 --> 00:02:39,691
Well, I don't wanna
sleep out here.
36
00:02:39,693 --> 00:02:43,428
This place is swarming
with armored leeches.
37
00:02:43,430 --> 00:02:45,330
Those are snails.
38
00:02:45,332 --> 00:02:47,766
I don't care if they're
slugs with hunchbacks
39
00:02:47,768 --> 00:02:50,836
I'm not sleeping out here.
40
00:02:50,838 --> 00:02:53,972
Look, ALF, we always
make you stay in the garage.
41
00:02:53,974 --> 00:02:57,342
I thought sleeping in a tent
would be a nice change of pace.
42
00:02:57,344 --> 00:03:00,045
Yeah. Listen,
Will and testament.
43
00:03:00,047 --> 00:03:02,548
Since Uncle Albert
is such a pain
44
00:03:02,550 --> 00:03:05,817
why don't you
just tell the guy to bug off?
45
00:03:05,819 --> 00:03:08,787
Oh, I can't do that, ALF.
He's family.
46
00:03:08,789 --> 00:03:11,957
Fine. Now you're stuck
with an unwanted house guest.
47
00:03:11,959 --> 00:03:15,394
Isn't it strange how that
pattern keeps repeating itself?
48
00:03:16,330 --> 00:03:19,631
Why? Kate's mother's coming too?
49
00:03:19,633 --> 00:03:22,734
- Let's just put up the tent.
- Fine.
50
00:03:22,736 --> 00:03:25,103
Why is it taking so long?
51
00:03:29,977 --> 00:03:31,043
[sighs]
52
00:03:31,045 --> 00:03:33,979
It's taking so long
because you keep undoing
53
00:03:33,981 --> 00:03:35,948
everything I'm doing.
54
00:03:38,586 --> 00:03:42,321
Would you please hand me..
55
00:03:42,323 --> 00:03:44,456
"...a box of wing nuts?"
56
00:03:46,093 --> 00:03:47,993
Wing nuts?
57
00:03:47,995 --> 00:03:51,430
Uh...I'm afraid
I've eaten them.
58
00:03:54,268 --> 00:03:56,768
You ate a box of wing nuts?
59
00:03:57,705 --> 00:03:59,972
I thought it said walnuts.
60
00:04:01,408 --> 00:04:04,576
Don't bother looking for the
package marked Tent Stakes.
61
00:04:06,614 --> 00:04:09,982
I think I'd better just finish,
finish this by myself.
62
00:04:11,418 --> 00:04:12,584
Fine.
63
00:04:12,586 --> 00:04:15,921
I'll be over here
if you need me.
64
00:04:15,923 --> 00:04:19,191
I'll keep that in mind
in case things go too smoothly.
65
00:04:20,728 --> 00:04:23,295
Hi, guys.
How's it goin'?
66
00:04:23,297 --> 00:04:27,099
Fine. Except ALF's
digested most of the parts.
67
00:04:30,137 --> 00:04:33,305
Willie, what happens
if the ball hits the paddle?
68
00:04:35,376 --> 00:04:38,944
I don't think
you'll have to worry about it.
69
00:04:38,946 --> 00:04:41,446
Willie, Uncle Albert
just called.
70
00:04:41,448 --> 00:04:43,548
He's not coming?
71
00:04:43,550 --> 00:04:45,317
He's coming.
72
00:04:45,319 --> 00:04:48,887
He wants to know
what shoe size you wear.
73
00:04:48,889 --> 00:04:51,323
Oh, right, why bother
to bring shoes
74
00:04:51,325 --> 00:04:52,658
when he can borrow mine.
75
00:04:52,660 --> 00:04:55,127
- Ah.
- What a mooch.
76
00:04:55,129 --> 00:04:57,996
Now, whose shoes
am I supposed to wear?
77
00:05:04,338 --> 00:05:07,506
He also wants to know
my dress size.
78
00:05:07,508 --> 00:05:09,574
Maybe he wants to buy us gifts.
79
00:05:09,576 --> 00:05:12,944
Gifts, schmifts.
The guy sounds like a pervert.
80
00:05:12,946 --> 00:05:16,315
I guess I'll have to
pound some sense into him.
81
00:05:16,317 --> 00:05:18,583
You're not to
beat the house guests, ALF.
82
00:05:18,585 --> 00:05:20,952
Not even Uncle Albert.
83
00:05:20,954 --> 00:05:23,655
Well, this guy sounds
like a real monkey's uncle.
84
00:05:23,657 --> 00:05:26,325
No offense, Willie.
85
00:05:26,327 --> 00:05:29,361
Oh, you're right.
He, he's terrible.
86
00:05:29,363 --> 00:05:32,864
He's no sooner in the door then,
"Hey, it's freezing in here.
87
00:05:32,866 --> 00:05:35,334
"Turn up the heat.
What's that stink?
88
00:05:35,336 --> 00:05:36,968
"Is that you cooking, Kate?
89
00:05:36,970 --> 00:05:39,204
Uh, by the way,
I'm gonna stay another week."
90
00:05:39,206 --> 00:05:42,874
Wow! What a great impression
of Bette Davis.
91
00:05:45,179 --> 00:05:49,348
Willie, I can't
stay in that tent.
92
00:05:49,350 --> 00:05:52,017
I'm deathly afraid
of the outdoors.
93
00:05:52,019 --> 00:05:54,519
I once got caught
in a meteor shower
94
00:05:54,521 --> 00:05:56,688
without my umbrella.
95
00:05:56,690 --> 00:05:59,825
- Nice try, ALF.
- Thanks.
96
00:05:59,827 --> 00:06:02,461
I was gonna faint,
but I think I made my point.
97
00:06:03,564 --> 00:06:06,231
Too bad we didn't buy it.
98
00:06:06,233 --> 00:06:07,399
You didn't?
99
00:06:07,401 --> 00:06:09,601
[gasps]
100
00:06:11,372 --> 00:06:13,605
ALF, you fainted on a snail.
101
00:06:15,042 --> 00:06:17,275
Whoa. Whoa.
102
00:06:18,579 --> 00:06:21,580
[instrumental music]
103
00:06:24,385 --> 00:06:26,918
Chocolate cake.
104
00:06:26,920 --> 00:06:28,653
Check.
105
00:06:28,655 --> 00:06:30,856
Chocolate ice cream.
106
00:06:30,858 --> 00:06:33,158
Check.
107
00:06:33,160 --> 00:06:34,626
Chocolate pudding.
108
00:06:36,063 --> 00:06:37,429
Check.
109
00:06:38,565 --> 00:06:40,932
- Acne pads.
- Check.
110
00:06:43,437 --> 00:06:44,870
What are you guys doing?
111
00:06:44,872 --> 00:06:47,339
ALF's teaching me
how to be a box boy.
112
00:06:48,409 --> 00:06:50,575
I'm collecting refreshments
113
00:06:50,577 --> 00:06:52,444
for my stay under the big top.
114
00:06:52,446 --> 00:06:54,880
ALF, it's only for two days.
115
00:06:54,882 --> 00:06:57,682
Well, that's why
I'm not bringing my toothbrush.
116
00:06:57,684 --> 00:06:59,251
(Willie)
'Hi, everyone.'
117
00:06:59,253 --> 00:07:01,453
(Kate)
'We're back with Uncle Albert!'
118
00:07:01,455 --> 00:07:03,789
Why do they walk
into a house yelling?
119
00:07:03,791 --> 00:07:06,525
That's a signal
for you to get into the tent.
120
00:07:06,527 --> 00:07:09,761
Oh. And here I thought
they were going deaf.
121
00:07:11,598 --> 00:07:15,167
[sighs]
Well, Bri, let's put a smile on
for the old fogey.
122
00:07:18,405 --> 00:07:19,771
Oh, slippers.
123
00:07:19,773 --> 00:07:23,475
How thoughtful,
and how unexpected.
124
00:07:23,477 --> 00:07:26,578
Uncle Albert,
this dress is gorgeous!
125
00:07:26,580 --> 00:07:28,613
Yeah, I know.
I picked it out myself.
126
00:07:28,615 --> 00:07:30,315
Oh!
127
00:07:30,317 --> 00:07:31,917
(Albert)
Oh.
128
00:07:31,919 --> 00:07:34,853
Would you look
at these beautiful children!
129
00:07:37,624 --> 00:07:39,090
Us?
130
00:07:39,092 --> 00:07:43,462
Lynn, you've blossomed
into a lovely young lady.
131
00:07:43,464 --> 00:07:46,097
Well, thank you, Uncle Albert.
132
00:07:46,099 --> 00:07:48,500
It's the nicest thing
you've ever said to me.
133
00:07:48,502 --> 00:07:51,136
Or anyone.
134
00:07:51,138 --> 00:07:54,473
- And, Brian..
- You remembered my name.
135
00:07:54,475 --> 00:07:56,508
Well, of course I did, Brian.
136
00:07:56,510 --> 00:08:00,512
- Here, give me a five.
- I don't have $5.
137
00:08:00,514 --> 00:08:03,081
Oh-oh, the Tanner wit.
138
00:08:03,083 --> 00:08:05,250
First I've heard of it.
139
00:08:05,252 --> 00:08:09,754
Brian, how would you like
an Angels' baseball hat, huh?
140
00:08:09,756 --> 00:08:13,692
- How much?
- Come on, it's free!
141
00:08:13,694 --> 00:08:15,260
Thanks, Uncle Albert!
142
00:08:15,262 --> 00:08:17,162
I'm gonna go show A..
143
00:08:17,164 --> 00:08:19,564
The guy in the tent.
144
00:08:21,335 --> 00:08:22,934
The guy in the tent?
145
00:08:22,936 --> 00:08:26,705
- Uh..
- He has an imaginary friend.
146
00:08:26,707 --> 00:08:28,039
Oh.
147
00:08:28,041 --> 00:08:31,977
Now, Lynn,
guess where this is from.
148
00:08:31,979 --> 00:08:33,979
You found it on a bus?
149
00:08:33,981 --> 00:08:36,548
No. It's from Gucci's.
150
00:08:36,550 --> 00:08:37,782
Gucci?
151
00:08:37,784 --> 00:08:39,784
Well, what happened
to the army-navy store?
152
00:08:39,786 --> 00:08:42,354
Oh, not anymore.
Not for my Lynnie.
153
00:08:42,356 --> 00:08:46,391
- Well...thanks.
- It's my pleasure.
154
00:08:46,393 --> 00:08:48,727
Now, let's all go
to dinner, huh?
155
00:08:48,729 --> 00:08:52,330
- Oh, I, uh--
- Don't worry. The tab's on me.
156
00:08:52,332 --> 00:08:55,467
Oh, but I'm not payin'
for Brian's invisible friend.
157
00:08:56,803 --> 00:08:59,471
[instrumental music]
158
00:09:00,908 --> 00:09:04,209
Oh, could you believe
the size of that dinner check?
159
00:09:04,211 --> 00:09:07,412
And Uncle Albert
left a 30 percent tip.
160
00:09:07,414 --> 00:09:09,714
He usually
only leaves 30 cents.
161
00:09:09,716 --> 00:09:13,652
Oh. What are we gonna do
with all those leftovers?
162
00:09:13,654 --> 00:09:15,387
[ALF burps]
163
00:09:16,924 --> 00:09:19,491
I think they may have been
taken care of.
164
00:09:21,328 --> 00:09:22,460
Meatball?
165
00:09:23,730 --> 00:09:25,030
No, thank you.
166
00:09:25,032 --> 00:09:27,198
ALF, did you eat
all of that food?
167
00:09:27,200 --> 00:09:30,669
Yeah, and for the first time
in my life
168
00:09:30,671 --> 00:09:33,572
I actually feel full.
169
00:09:33,574 --> 00:09:35,574
Why aren't you out in that tent?
170
00:09:35,576 --> 00:09:37,842
It's too dangerous out there.
171
00:09:37,844 --> 00:09:39,744
I had to kill
a 50-foot water snake
172
00:09:39,746 --> 00:09:42,447
with my pocket knife.
173
00:09:42,449 --> 00:09:45,450
There, there are no
50-foot water snakes
174
00:09:45,452 --> 00:09:46,551
in the backyard.
175
00:09:46,553 --> 00:09:49,354
I'm tellin' ya,
it was bright green
176
00:09:49,356 --> 00:09:50,789
and it spit water.
177
00:09:50,791 --> 00:09:53,191
Psst. Psst.
178
00:09:53,193 --> 00:09:56,394
That was my new garden hose.
179
00:09:56,396 --> 00:09:59,998
Well, no wonder
it was sucking on the spigot.
180
00:10:02,603 --> 00:10:04,769
Go on. Go back to the tent.
181
00:10:04,771 --> 00:10:07,072
I can't. I'm bored.
182
00:10:07,074 --> 00:10:09,441
I need companionship.
183
00:10:09,443 --> 00:10:11,543
I need a woman.
184
00:10:12,245 --> 00:10:13,712
What?
185
00:10:13,714 --> 00:10:16,948
I'm desperate. Species is
no longer a priority.
186
00:10:18,652 --> 00:10:20,085
Alf..
187
00:10:20,087 --> 00:10:22,287
You only have to
stay in that tent one more day.
188
00:10:22,289 --> 00:10:25,890
Uncle Albert is leaving
tomorrow night.
189
00:10:25,892 --> 00:10:28,093
That's not soon enough.
190
00:10:28,095 --> 00:10:30,595
Look, I have to go grocery
shopping tomorrow morning.
191
00:10:30,597 --> 00:10:32,831
That leaves you and Uncle Albert
alone in the house.
192
00:10:32,833 --> 00:10:34,065
I want you to promise me
193
00:10:34,067 --> 00:10:36,835
that you will stay zipped
into that tent.
194
00:10:36,837 --> 00:10:38,737
But I'll miss my soaps.
195
00:10:38,739 --> 00:10:40,305
- Tsk.
- You don't watch soaps.
196
00:10:40,307 --> 00:10:42,807
[sighs]
He means the one
where the coyote
197
00:10:42,809 --> 00:10:45,043
tries to catch the road runner.
198
00:10:45,612 --> 00:10:46,911
Exactly.
199
00:10:46,913 --> 00:10:50,515
One Friday, the coyote
fell off an 80-foot cliff.
200
00:10:51,318 --> 00:10:53,852
I've gotta see if he survived.
201
00:10:55,288 --> 00:10:58,690
Well, he's not
made of iron, people.
202
00:10:58,692 --> 00:10:59,858
[instrumental music]
203
00:10:59,860 --> 00:11:01,660
(Albert)
'Let's go in the kitchen, huh?'
204
00:11:01,662 --> 00:11:04,462
I'll make you breakfast.
205
00:11:04,464 --> 00:11:07,766
Katie, why are you
washing the dishes?
206
00:11:08,802 --> 00:11:11,403
- They're dirty?
- Here, let me do that.
207
00:11:15,342 --> 00:11:18,877
Uncle Albert, could,
could I ask you a question?
208
00:11:18,879 --> 00:11:20,045
Shoot.
209
00:11:20,047 --> 00:11:23,148
- What's wrong with you?
- Wrong?
210
00:11:23,150 --> 00:11:25,116
Why are you acting so nice?
211
00:11:25,118 --> 00:11:27,719
Yeah, the dinner
and the cab rides
212
00:11:27,721 --> 00:11:31,956
and the Gucci and the slippers
and the 30 percent tip.
213
00:11:31,958 --> 00:11:34,059
Alright, alright,
I'll tell you.
214
00:11:34,061 --> 00:11:35,727
Come on, sit down.
215
00:11:35,729 --> 00:11:37,796
I have changed.
216
00:11:37,798 --> 00:11:40,865
It all began when they took me
to the hospital..
217
00:11:40,867 --> 00:11:43,902
...after my heart attack.
218
00:11:43,904 --> 00:11:45,737
We didn't know
you had a heart attack.
219
00:11:45,739 --> 00:11:47,138
Who did?
220
00:11:47,140 --> 00:11:50,742
Nobody missed me,
so nobody checked on me.
221
00:11:50,744 --> 00:11:53,044
I was flat on my back
for a month.
222
00:11:53,046 --> 00:11:55,880
No visitors.
You know, no get-well cards.
223
00:11:55,882 --> 00:11:57,749
Not a phone call even.
224
00:11:57,751 --> 00:11:59,517
And that's when
I began to realize
225
00:11:59,519 --> 00:12:01,820
what a louse
I must have been.
226
00:12:04,591 --> 00:12:06,825
I realized
I had to mend my ways.
227
00:12:07,894 --> 00:12:09,728
That's why I came.
228
00:12:09,730 --> 00:12:11,896
Well, you're off
to a good start.
229
00:12:11,898 --> 00:12:14,199
We hardly remember the old you.
230
00:12:14,201 --> 00:12:16,534
Thanks, Katie,
that's what I wanted to hear.
231
00:12:16,536 --> 00:12:19,003
Now, you two go on,
before the old me comes back.
232
00:12:19,005 --> 00:12:20,338
Well, we wouldn't want
that to happen.
233
00:12:20,340 --> 00:12:22,340
Go on. I've got
tuna fish to make.
234
00:12:22,342 --> 00:12:24,776
Okay. Uh, see you after work.
235
00:12:24,778 --> 00:12:26,177
I'll be back in a little while.
236
00:12:26,179 --> 00:12:27,212
Come on, now you're making me
237
00:12:27,214 --> 00:12:28,913
feel all squishy inside.
238
00:12:28,915 --> 00:12:31,249
Get out of here, will ya?
239
00:12:36,223 --> 00:12:39,491
[comical music on T.V.]
240
00:12:50,637 --> 00:12:53,671
[music continues]
241
00:13:07,654 --> 00:13:09,687
Care for a cookie?
242
00:13:14,828 --> 00:13:17,328
Alright, after your nap.
243
00:13:21,234 --> 00:13:22,901
[instrumental music]
244
00:13:24,271 --> 00:13:27,272
[telephone rings]
245
00:13:27,274 --> 00:13:29,707
Hello, social services.
246
00:13:30,777 --> 00:13:32,410
Hold, please.
247
00:13:32,412 --> 00:13:34,979
Hey, Willie,
call for you on line four.
248
00:13:34,981 --> 00:13:36,915
Sounds like Sammy Davis Jr.
249
00:13:41,822 --> 00:13:43,288
Hello.
250
00:13:43,290 --> 00:13:47,492
Hey, man, how'd you like
this clever ruse?
251
00:13:47,494 --> 00:13:49,027
(Willie)
Why are you
calling me at work?
252
00:13:49,029 --> 00:13:52,030
You promised
to stay in the tent!
253
00:13:55,502 --> 00:13:58,837
But we're out of canned peaches.
254
00:13:58,839 --> 00:14:02,006
You.. You called me for peaches?
255
00:14:02,008 --> 00:14:06,377
Well, I also need grape leaves,
yellow cellophane.
256
00:14:06,379 --> 00:14:09,881
- And a tag for the toe.
- A tag for the what?
257
00:14:09,883 --> 00:14:11,883
(ALF)
'You're not writing
this down, are you?'
258
00:14:11,885 --> 00:14:14,819
No, I'm not!
What is this all about?
259
00:14:14,821 --> 00:14:17,322
Alright, it was
gonna be a surprise
260
00:14:17,324 --> 00:14:20,592
but Uncle Albert's dead.
261
00:14:21,027 --> 00:14:22,327
What?
262
00:14:22,329 --> 00:14:23,895
Hey, hey, don't worry.
263
00:14:23,897 --> 00:14:26,865
I've already started
the embalming process.
264
00:14:26,867 --> 00:14:29,133
That's why I need the peaches.
265
00:14:31,872 --> 00:14:33,204
Wait!
266
00:14:34,674 --> 00:14:37,742
Willie, is it true Sammy
is going on the road again?
267
00:14:39,212 --> 00:14:42,213
[instrumental music]
268
00:14:42,215 --> 00:14:43,615
[door opens]
269
00:14:45,986 --> 00:14:48,987
ALF...what is going on here?
270
00:14:49,990 --> 00:14:51,356
We're celebrating.
271
00:14:51,358 --> 00:14:53,024
Uncle Albert is gone.
272
00:14:53,026 --> 00:14:54,826
[rattling]
273
00:14:56,329 --> 00:14:59,163
He left without saying goodbye?
274
00:14:59,165 --> 00:15:01,766
It was rather sudden.
275
00:15:01,768 --> 00:15:02,934
Kate.
276
00:15:03,670 --> 00:15:05,003
Kate.
277
00:15:06,239 --> 00:15:09,007
Where are my peaches?
278
00:15:09,009 --> 00:15:11,009
Is it true about Uncle Albert?
279
00:15:11,011 --> 00:15:12,377
Well, apparently so.
280
00:15:12,379 --> 00:15:14,946
[scoffs]
I mean, talk about
the perfect guest..
281
00:15:14,948 --> 00:15:16,281
He came, he was nice
282
00:15:16,283 --> 00:15:19,183
and he left before
we got tired of him.
283
00:15:19,185 --> 00:15:21,386
Oh, Kate, please.
284
00:15:21,388 --> 00:15:24,789
Hey, come on, man! Lighten up.
285
00:15:24,791 --> 00:15:26,958
Here, have a hat.
286
00:15:26,960 --> 00:15:29,961
Have you no respect
for the dead?
287
00:15:29,963 --> 00:15:32,196
Dead?
288
00:15:32,198 --> 00:15:35,333
ALF, you said
Uncle Albert was gone.
289
00:15:36,369 --> 00:15:38,603
You thought he left?
290
00:15:40,140 --> 00:15:42,273
- Oh, my God.
- What happened?
291
00:15:42,275 --> 00:15:45,143
ALF, exactly what happened?
292
00:15:45,145 --> 00:15:48,379
Well, I was in the tent
watching T.V..
293
00:15:49,382 --> 00:15:52,283
Incidentally,
the coyote did survive.
294
00:15:53,820 --> 00:15:57,422
...when Uncle Albert
stuck is head in.
295
00:15:57,424 --> 00:15:59,824
- He saw you?
- Yeah.
296
00:15:59,826 --> 00:16:01,392
I offered him
one of Kate's cookies
297
00:16:01,394 --> 00:16:03,828
but he keeled over.
298
00:16:06,933 --> 00:16:09,067
Hey, don't take it personally.
299
00:16:09,069 --> 00:16:12,437
Some people
just don't have a sweet tooth.
300
00:16:12,439 --> 00:16:14,138
Speaking of which
301
00:16:14,140 --> 00:16:16,341
did you get those
canned peaches, Willie?
302
00:16:16,343 --> 00:16:19,043
I need to finish
basting the deceased.
303
00:16:23,650 --> 00:16:27,485
Hey, hey, let the guy
marinate in peace.
304
00:16:32,158 --> 00:16:33,524
Hey!
305
00:16:34,594 --> 00:16:38,162
- Are we having a party?
- I'm trying to.
306
00:16:38,164 --> 00:16:40,098
This isn't a party.
307
00:16:40,100 --> 00:16:41,199
Sure it is!
308
00:16:41,201 --> 00:16:43,434
It's just like a birthday party
309
00:16:43,436 --> 00:16:46,871
only someone else
has to blow out the candles.
310
00:16:52,112 --> 00:16:54,045
It, it's true.
311
00:16:55,482 --> 00:16:58,649
- Told ya.
- Told ya what?
312
00:16:58,651 --> 00:17:00,051
Brian..
313
00:17:01,688 --> 00:17:03,621
Brian..
314
00:17:05,058 --> 00:17:08,226
Un-Uncle Albert..
315
00:17:08,228 --> 00:17:10,361
...ha-has passed away.
316
00:17:11,631 --> 00:17:13,231
What?
317
00:17:13,233 --> 00:17:14,899
He's gone.
318
00:17:14,901 --> 00:17:17,201
Sleeps with the peaches.
319
00:17:17,203 --> 00:17:20,038
He's a forest lawn jockey.
320
00:17:20,040 --> 00:17:22,874
ALF, you're upsetting Brian.
321
00:17:22,876 --> 00:17:24,409
No, he's not.
322
00:17:24,411 --> 00:17:26,878
Thattaway, Brian!
323
00:17:26,880 --> 00:17:28,479
Death is a happy time.
324
00:17:28,481 --> 00:17:31,482
A time to...to celebrate.
325
00:17:37,090 --> 00:17:40,091
Well, at least on Melmac it was.
326
00:17:41,428 --> 00:17:44,095
This is not Melmac,
this is Earth.
327
00:17:44,097 --> 00:17:46,964
And on Earth,
death is a very sad occasion.
328
00:17:47,934 --> 00:17:50,234
Really?
329
00:17:50,236 --> 00:17:51,269
Well..
330
00:17:51,271 --> 00:17:53,037
I guess few of
the things I've said
331
00:17:53,039 --> 00:17:56,174
could be interpreted
as somewhat tasteless.
332
00:17:57,944 --> 00:17:59,510
I don't get it.
333
00:17:59,512 --> 00:18:01,946
Am I supposed to be
sad or happy?
334
00:18:03,917 --> 00:18:05,550
Sad.
335
00:18:05,552 --> 00:18:08,419
Brian, someone
who loved you is gone.
336
00:18:09,089 --> 00:18:11,122
I say happy.
337
00:18:11,124 --> 00:18:14,092
Look at it from
Uncle Albert's point of view.
338
00:18:14,094 --> 00:18:16,127
He'll never be sad again.
339
00:18:16,129 --> 00:18:19,063
Or tired...or hungry.
340
00:18:19,065 --> 00:18:20,631
Or late for work!
341
00:18:20,633 --> 00:18:23,434
His time came, and he went.
342
00:18:25,905 --> 00:18:28,573
I-I can't help think
it was my fault.
343
00:18:28,575 --> 00:18:30,775
I should have been more careful.
344
00:18:30,777 --> 00:18:33,377
I put ALF in the tent,
now Albert saw him
345
00:18:33,379 --> 00:18:36,914
and he, he probably
died of shock.
346
00:18:36,916 --> 00:18:38,583
Hey, come on.
347
00:18:38,585 --> 00:18:41,486
Don't blame yourself, Willie.
348
00:18:41,488 --> 00:18:44,322
Gosh, if anyone
killed Uncle Albert..
349
00:18:47,127 --> 00:18:49,026
...it was me.
350
00:18:49,996 --> 00:18:53,030
[instrumental music]
351
00:18:59,139 --> 00:19:03,040
Kate, you think this tie
is too loud for a funeral?
352
00:19:04,978 --> 00:19:07,178
Willie, the tie is black.
353
00:19:07,180 --> 00:19:08,579
It's charcoal.
354
00:19:09,249 --> 00:19:10,681
It's fine.
355
00:19:11,317 --> 00:19:13,017
How you guys holding up?
356
00:19:13,019 --> 00:19:15,319
[sighs]
Okay, I guess.
357
00:19:15,321 --> 00:19:19,157
It just doesn't seem fair
that Uncle Albert had to go now
358
00:19:19,159 --> 00:19:22,193
just, just when he was learning
how to be a good person.
359
00:19:22,195 --> 00:19:24,328
I know. How's ALF taking it?
360
00:19:24,330 --> 00:19:27,331
Oh, not too well. He still
thinks it was his fault.
361
00:19:27,333 --> 00:19:29,267
But it's not,
he couldn't help it
362
00:19:29,269 --> 00:19:31,269
if Uncle Albert
stuck his head in the tent.
363
00:19:31,271 --> 00:19:34,272
I told him that but he said that
his looks were lethal
364
00:19:34,274 --> 00:19:37,341
and we should get him
a permit for his face.
365
00:19:37,343 --> 00:19:39,544
- I'll try talking to him.
- 'Thanks, honey.'
366
00:19:39,546 --> 00:19:41,445
(Kate)
'Willie, we really should go.'
367
00:19:41,447 --> 00:19:45,183
Now, if you need us, we'll be
at the Waxman Funeral Parlor.
368
00:19:45,185 --> 00:19:47,251
Okay, have fun.
369
00:19:48,655 --> 00:19:50,188
Sorry.
370
00:19:50,190 --> 00:19:53,124
[somber music]
371
00:19:57,830 --> 00:19:59,664
ALF?
372
00:19:59,666 --> 00:20:01,199
ALF, are you in there?
373
00:20:01,201 --> 00:20:03,401
(ALF)
'Go away.'
374
00:20:03,403 --> 00:20:06,370
I brought you some banana bread.
375
00:20:06,372 --> 00:20:08,239
ALF, please come out of there.
376
00:20:08,241 --> 00:20:11,242
'No! If you see me, you'll die.'
377
00:20:11,244 --> 00:20:13,477
[chuckles]
I've already seen you.
378
00:20:13,479 --> 00:20:15,746
I know what you look like.
379
00:20:20,987 --> 00:20:22,119
ALF..
380
00:20:23,423 --> 00:20:26,390
I'm double-bagged
for your protection.
381
00:20:26,392 --> 00:20:29,393
Come on.
Eat some banana bread.
382
00:20:29,395 --> 00:20:31,696
I'm not hungry.
383
00:20:31,698 --> 00:20:34,432
You really are upset.
384
00:20:34,434 --> 00:20:36,434
What was death like on Melmac?
385
00:20:36,436 --> 00:20:38,336
Predictable.
386
00:20:38,338 --> 00:20:40,404
Everyone died at the same age.
387
00:20:40,406 --> 00:20:43,107
Six hundred and fifty.
388
00:20:43,109 --> 00:20:44,709
There were no surprises.
389
00:20:44,711 --> 00:20:46,210
And you could plan.
390
00:20:46,212 --> 00:20:48,946
You could stock up
on fruit and things?
391
00:20:50,450 --> 00:20:51,849
Exactly.
392
00:20:51,851 --> 00:20:53,517
And the week before you go
393
00:20:53,519 --> 00:20:55,987
you give away
your personal belongings.
394
00:20:56,589 --> 00:20:58,856
The year before you go..
395
00:20:58,858 --> 00:21:01,092
...your credit cards
are canceled.
396
00:21:02,262 --> 00:21:05,896
I'd be afraid to know
exactly when I was gonna die.
397
00:21:05,898 --> 00:21:08,599
Hey, I'd be afraid not to know.
398
00:21:09,702 --> 00:21:13,237
That's why I feel
so bad about Uncle Albert.
399
00:21:13,239 --> 00:21:15,306
I took him before his time.
400
00:21:16,442 --> 00:21:18,542
Thanks to me..
401
00:21:18,544 --> 00:21:21,445
...he didn't have a chance
to wrap things up.
402
00:21:21,447 --> 00:21:23,281
Yes, he did.
403
00:21:23,283 --> 00:21:25,249
What are you talkin' about?
404
00:21:25,251 --> 00:21:27,752
See, Uncle Albert
came here to make amends
405
00:21:27,754 --> 00:21:30,821
to show us that he really
could be a nice guy.
406
00:21:30,823 --> 00:21:33,124
A lot of people
don't get a chance to do that.
407
00:21:33,126 --> 00:21:35,293
But he did.
408
00:21:35,295 --> 00:21:37,228
- Really?
- Really.
409
00:21:38,331 --> 00:21:40,064
Well, if that's true
410
00:21:40,066 --> 00:21:42,633
then I'll get over
this eventually.
411
00:21:42,635 --> 00:21:46,971
But I'd still like
to stay in this box awhile.
412
00:21:46,973 --> 00:21:48,506
I understand.
413
00:21:48,508 --> 00:21:50,341
You need some time to think.
414
00:21:50,343 --> 00:21:51,909
Yeah.
415
00:21:56,349 --> 00:21:58,416
Oh, hey, Lynn?
416
00:21:58,418 --> 00:22:00,651
You could leave
that banana bread.
417
00:22:06,359 --> 00:22:09,060
[instrumental music]
418
00:22:11,531 --> 00:22:13,264
[instrumental music]
419
00:22:14,334 --> 00:22:16,600
Hey, you're outta your box.
420
00:22:16,602 --> 00:22:18,869
Yeah. How was the funeral?
421
00:22:20,106 --> 00:22:24,141
Oh, not so bad
as I thought it would be.
422
00:22:24,143 --> 00:22:27,778
When I first got there,
I-I was feeling pretty down.
423
00:22:27,780 --> 00:22:30,114
But then I-I started thinking
424
00:22:30,116 --> 00:22:33,617
about the last few days
with Uncle Albert
425
00:22:33,619 --> 00:22:35,820
and I-I started remembering
426
00:22:35,822 --> 00:22:38,622
some of the things
that you'd said.
427
00:22:38,624 --> 00:22:41,826
[chuckles]
You know, I had to smile..
428
00:22:41,828 --> 00:22:43,627
...because I- I
could see him now
429
00:22:43,629 --> 00:22:46,630
in an entirely different light.
430
00:22:46,632 --> 00:22:50,468
He, he didn't have
a care in the world.
431
00:22:50,470 --> 00:22:52,803
I, I actually felt
happy for him.
432
00:22:54,574 --> 00:22:56,807
Spoken like a true Melmackian.
433
00:22:57,643 --> 00:22:59,009
I'll bet..
434
00:22:59,011 --> 00:23:01,645
...I'll bet
he's up there right now
435
00:23:01,647 --> 00:23:03,714
listening to us.
436
00:23:05,017 --> 00:23:07,551
Uncle Albert..
437
00:23:07,553 --> 00:23:09,653
...thanks for stopping by.
438
00:23:12,225 --> 00:23:15,993
So, ALF,
what are you doing out here?
439
00:23:15,995 --> 00:23:19,430
Well, pondering our place
440
00:23:19,432 --> 00:23:22,233
in the vastness of the universe.
441
00:23:23,436 --> 00:23:24,869
It is humbling.
442
00:23:24,871 --> 00:23:26,504
You know, it's been said
443
00:23:26,506 --> 00:23:27,772
"A man's life is but
444
00:23:27,774 --> 00:23:31,342
a small parenthesis
in eternity."
445
00:23:32,578 --> 00:23:34,612
Looking at the stars..
446
00:23:34,614 --> 00:23:37,248
...makes one realize
how inconsequential
447
00:23:37,250 --> 00:23:39,083
we all really are.
448
00:23:39,085 --> 00:23:40,451
Yeah.
449
00:23:40,453 --> 00:23:43,354
It also gives
one a crick in one's neck.
450
00:23:44,457 --> 00:23:47,358
Could you, uh,
push my head down?
451
00:23:50,430 --> 00:23:52,963
[screams]
A, a snail!
452
00:23:56,102 --> 00:23:57,635
Thanks.
453
00:23:57,637 --> 00:23:59,870
That's more like it.
454
00:24:02,608 --> 00:24:05,843
[theme music]
455
00:24:30,570 --> 00:24:33,204
[laughing]