1
00:00:07,074 --> 00:00:08,941
- Does it work?
- I've got the dial tone.
2
00:00:08,943 --> 00:00:11,977
Great. I'll toss the box.
3
00:00:11,979 --> 00:00:13,946
Why don't you toss it
in the salad, Kate?
4
00:00:13,948 --> 00:00:16,849
I could use the fibre. Ha ha.
5
00:00:16,851 --> 00:00:18,584
ALF, hold still.
6
00:00:18,586 --> 00:00:20,019
I wanna get it even.
7
00:00:20,021 --> 00:00:21,920
Well, don't cut it too short.
8
00:00:21,922 --> 00:00:25,824
It'll look like
I have a big schnoz.
9
00:00:25,826 --> 00:00:29,395
I didn't realize you were so
concerned with your appearance.
10
00:00:29,397 --> 00:00:32,664
You think I wake up
looking this good?
11
00:00:32,666 --> 00:00:33,732
[doorbell dings]
12
00:00:33,734 --> 00:00:35,501
Doorbell.
13
00:00:35,503 --> 00:00:36,969
Hide in the kitchen, ALF.
14
00:00:36,971 --> 00:00:39,805
Ha! Beat you to it.
15
00:00:39,807 --> 00:00:40,973
[clears throat]
16
00:00:40,975 --> 00:00:43,475
Two dollars, ALF, pay up.
17
00:00:43,477 --> 00:00:44,810
Two dollars?
18
00:00:44,812 --> 00:00:47,813
I didn't even get my manicure.
19
00:00:47,815 --> 00:00:49,882
Welcher.
20
00:00:53,621 --> 00:00:55,320
[gasps]
Willie! Kate!
21
00:00:55,322 --> 00:00:56,989
Raquel. Jake.
22
00:00:56,991 --> 00:00:58,791
We've been robbed!
23
00:00:58,793 --> 00:01:00,592
Oh, my gosh.
24
00:01:00,594 --> 00:01:02,928
That's terrible.
25
00:01:02,930 --> 00:01:05,931
Hey, don't look at me,
I've got an alibi.
26
00:01:05,933 --> 00:01:07,933
That's right,
Jake was in school.
27
00:01:07,935 --> 00:01:09,535
Well, I wasn't there either
28
00:01:09,537 --> 00:01:11,403
but I've got an alibi
for that too.
29
00:01:12,673 --> 00:01:15,841
That's it. No more TV
for the rest of the week.
30
00:01:15,843 --> 00:01:19,011
- What TV?
- Oh, that's right!
31
00:01:19,013 --> 00:01:21,113
They-they stole that too.
32
00:01:21,115 --> 00:01:23,682
And then they
took our silverware
33
00:01:23,684 --> 00:01:25,417
and our VCR
34
00:01:25,419 --> 00:01:27,853
and our original painting
of dogs playing pool.
35
00:01:27,855 --> 00:01:30,656
Oh.
36
00:01:30,658 --> 00:01:32,224
It was a powerful piece.
37
00:01:33,494 --> 00:01:36,528
And I feel even worse
about your circular saw.
38
00:01:36,530 --> 00:01:38,230
My saw was stolen?
39
00:01:38,232 --> 00:01:41,867
Yes, and Trevor
was going to return it tomorrow.
40
00:01:41,869 --> 00:01:43,502
That's what makes it so funny.
41
00:01:45,306 --> 00:01:46,939
Raquel, did you
call the police?
42
00:01:46,941 --> 00:01:49,741
We couldn't.
They took our phones.
43
00:01:49,743 --> 00:01:52,177
Well, I-I just happen
to have one.
44
00:01:52,179 --> 00:01:55,080
Incidentally, that is
your phone, isn't it?
45
00:01:55,082 --> 00:01:57,449
I have the receipt.
46
00:01:57,451 --> 00:01:58,984
Just checkin'.
47
00:02:00,955 --> 00:02:02,354
Thank you.
48
00:02:02,356 --> 00:02:04,456
Yes. Hello?
49
00:02:04,458 --> 00:02:06,391
This is Raquel Ochmonek.
50
00:02:06,393 --> 00:02:08,527
169 Hemdale.
51
00:02:08,529 --> 00:02:09,895
We've been robbed.
52
00:02:09,897 --> 00:02:11,597
How soon can you send
a black and white?
53
00:02:14,001 --> 00:02:16,668
An hour and a half?
54
00:02:16,670 --> 00:02:19,638
Our art collection could be back
across the border by then.
55
00:02:20,941 --> 00:02:24,710
Fine. Fine. We'll be here.
56
00:02:24,712 --> 00:02:26,879
Oh, I feel so violated!
57
00:02:26,881 --> 00:02:28,247
Oh, Raquel, I'm so sorry.
58
00:02:28,249 --> 00:02:30,782
Now listen, if there's
anything we can do to help..
59
00:02:30,784 --> 00:02:32,050
Just protect yourselves.
60
00:02:32,052 --> 00:02:33,619
Lock you doors and your windows.
61
00:02:33,621 --> 00:02:35,921
You never know when
somebody is gonna walk off
62
00:02:35,923 --> 00:02:37,556
with your possessions.
Goodnight.
63
00:02:37,558 --> 00:02:39,291
Our phone.
64
00:02:39,293 --> 00:02:42,928
I can get your phone back
for, uh, three bucks.
65
00:02:42,930 --> 00:02:45,531
But that's negotiable.
66
00:02:48,402 --> 00:02:51,470
Did I miss anything?
I was under the dryer.
67
00:02:53,908 --> 00:02:56,074
[theme music]
68
00:03:04,518 --> 00:03:06,518
[no audio]
69
00:03:22,536 --> 00:03:24,536
[music continues]
70
00:03:56,837 --> 00:03:58,437
[instrumental music]
71
00:03:59,907 --> 00:04:01,807
[doorbell dings]
72
00:04:01,809 --> 00:04:03,542
ALF, hide in the kitchen.
73
00:04:03,544 --> 00:04:05,744
I'm going, I'm going.
74
00:04:05,746 --> 00:04:08,714
Boy, if I had a nickel
for every time someone said--
75
00:04:08,716 --> 00:04:10,782
It's alright, ALF.
76
00:04:10,784 --> 00:04:12,451
It's just Jake.
77
00:04:14,788 --> 00:04:17,923
Hey, peewee, I didn't know
you could reach the doorknob.
78
00:04:17,925 --> 00:04:20,659
Watch it, I may be short
but I'm wiry.
79
00:04:22,229 --> 00:04:24,062
Hey, I brought your phone back.
80
00:04:24,064 --> 00:04:26,231
That'll be five bucks.
81
00:04:26,233 --> 00:04:27,799
I thought you said it was three.
82
00:04:27,801 --> 00:04:30,669
I said it was negotiable,
it can go up too, you know?
83
00:04:30,671 --> 00:04:33,505
It can also go down..
84
00:04:33,507 --> 00:04:36,475
...to nothing.
85
00:04:36,477 --> 00:04:40,312
Nothing. Yeah, yeah, that-that
was gonna be my next offer.
86
00:04:41,315 --> 00:04:44,016
Yo, Jake-hammer,
pull up a chair.
87
00:04:44,018 --> 00:04:45,917
We're playing cards.
88
00:04:45,919 --> 00:04:47,619
Great.
89
00:04:47,621 --> 00:04:50,222
I'll make that five bucks
one way or another.
90
00:04:51,458 --> 00:04:54,960
I never wager more than
I'm willing to lose.
91
00:04:54,962 --> 00:04:57,362
I'll bet Willie's car.
92
00:04:58,065 --> 00:04:59,965
I don't believe this.
93
00:04:59,967 --> 00:05:02,601
I just got off
the phone with Mrs. Litwak
94
00:05:02,603 --> 00:05:04,336
they have been robbed too.
95
00:05:04,338 --> 00:05:07,139
- Three robberies in a month.
- Mm-hmm.
96
00:05:07,141 --> 00:05:09,875
That's it, I'm taking action.
97
00:05:09,877 --> 00:05:11,543
What are you gonna do?
98
00:05:11,545 --> 00:05:13,812
I'm going to eat
all your valuable food
99
00:05:13,814 --> 00:05:16,148
before somebody steals it.
100
00:05:16,150 --> 00:05:18,717
Is that how you dealt
with crime on Melmac?
101
00:05:18,719 --> 00:05:21,386
That's how we dealt
with everything on Melmac.
102
00:05:21,388 --> 00:05:23,055
[doorbell dings]
103
00:05:23,057 --> 00:05:25,090
- ALF, doorbell.
- Yeah.
104
00:05:25,092 --> 00:05:27,626
Just call me Pavlov's alien.
105
00:05:32,900 --> 00:05:34,099
Raquel. Trevor.
106
00:05:34,101 --> 00:05:36,168
Guess what?
The Litwaks were robbed.
107
00:05:36,170 --> 00:05:38,670
- Oh, we heard.
- From who?
108
00:05:38,672 --> 00:05:40,105
Mrs. Litwak.
109
00:05:40,107 --> 00:05:42,240
She's such a busybody.
110
00:05:43,344 --> 00:05:45,610
Let's cut to the chase,
huh, Raquel?
111
00:05:45,612 --> 00:05:47,713
Now we're forming
a neighborhood watch.
112
00:05:47,715 --> 00:05:49,147
You guys wanna be part of it?
113
00:05:49,149 --> 00:05:52,184
- A neighborhood watch..
- That's right.
114
00:05:52,186 --> 00:05:53,518
Speaking of watches, Kate
115
00:05:53,520 --> 00:05:56,288
I hope the one
you lent me was insured.
116
00:05:57,658 --> 00:06:01,293
Um, maybe we should join
before we lose everything.
117
00:06:01,295 --> 00:06:04,363
Great. The first meeting is
tomorrow night at 8 o'clock.
118
00:06:04,365 --> 00:06:07,299
We'll bring extra chairs,
you provide the refreshments.
119
00:06:07,301 --> 00:06:09,000
Well, where's the meeting?
120
00:06:09,002 --> 00:06:11,603
Oh, here.
Didn't we mention that?
121
00:06:11,605 --> 00:06:14,506
I don't remember hearing it.
Do you, Kate?
122
00:06:14,508 --> 00:06:17,209
Maybe we were
out of the room at the time.
123
00:06:17,211 --> 00:06:19,211
Well, then, see you
tomorrow night at 8 o'clock.
124
00:06:19,213 --> 00:06:20,946
Oh, wait a minute, um..
125
00:06:20,948 --> 00:06:22,848
...shouldn't the meeting
be at your place
126
00:06:22,850 --> 00:06:25,217
seeing that
it's your idea and all.
127
00:06:25,219 --> 00:06:27,652
Oh, please, Kate, I'm too upset
128
00:06:27,654 --> 00:06:30,088
to take the plastic
off the furniture.
129
00:06:32,126 --> 00:06:34,292
We don't mind sitting
on plastic.
130
00:06:34,294 --> 00:06:36,061
Try doin' it naked.
131
00:06:38,232 --> 00:06:39,464
Let's compromise.
132
00:06:39,466 --> 00:06:41,299
Uh, we'll have the meeting
at your place
133
00:06:41,301 --> 00:06:43,368
and I'll bring the refreshments.
134
00:06:43,370 --> 00:06:46,872
Alright, but nothing fancy.
135
00:06:46,874 --> 00:06:49,307
A few finger sandwiches..
136
00:06:49,309 --> 00:06:50,976
...maybe a homemade
coffee cake.
137
00:06:50,978 --> 00:06:52,744
Preferably decaf.
138
00:06:54,014 --> 00:06:55,447
Yeah, and I'll come over
here and look after
139
00:06:55,449 --> 00:06:57,949
your teenage daughter, your son
140
00:06:57,951 --> 00:07:01,286
and AL..
That-that, uh, hairy thing.
141
00:07:01,288 --> 00:07:02,854
(Raquel)
'What hairy thing?'
142
00:07:02,856 --> 00:07:04,689
- Cat.
- Yeah.
143
00:07:04,691 --> 00:07:07,893
I, uh, momentarily
forgot the name for it.
144
00:07:07,895 --> 00:07:09,828
He's from New York.
145
00:07:09,830 --> 00:07:11,596
Well, see you tomorrow.
146
00:07:11,598 --> 00:07:13,398
Oh, don't forget
those finger sandwiches, huh?
147
00:07:17,171 --> 00:07:19,271
Finger sandwiches?
148
00:07:19,273 --> 00:07:21,506
And you won't let me eat cats.
149
00:07:25,245 --> 00:07:26,745
'I'm Officer Griswald'
150
00:07:26,747 --> 00:07:29,047
and I'll try to remember
each of your names.
151
00:07:29,049 --> 00:07:31,216
And if you neighbors
will all work together
152
00:07:31,218 --> 00:07:32,818
we can stop crime.
153
00:07:32,820 --> 00:07:35,487
'Remember the neighborhood
watch motto.'
154
00:07:35,489 --> 00:07:37,756
Don't let 'em
knock your block off.
155
00:07:37,758 --> 00:07:40,192
[laughing]
156
00:07:40,194 --> 00:07:42,027
I don't get it.
157
00:07:42,029 --> 00:07:43,361
It's just a joke, Mrs. Byrd
158
00:07:43,363 --> 00:07:46,097
you know, uh, knock, block.
159
00:07:46,099 --> 00:07:47,666
That's just stupid.
160
00:07:49,536 --> 00:07:51,570
Yikes.
161
00:07:51,572 --> 00:07:55,474
So, do any of you know
what citizen patrols are?
162
00:07:55,476 --> 00:07:56,975
- I do.
- 'Mm-hmm.'
163
00:07:56,977 --> 00:07:59,377
Teacher's pet.
164
00:08:00,380 --> 00:08:02,681
It's just neighbors
165
00:08:02,683 --> 00:08:04,616
taking turns
walking the streets.
166
00:08:04,618 --> 00:08:06,251
That's right,
now how many of you
167
00:08:06,253 --> 00:08:07,853
would be interested
in doing that?
168
00:08:10,557 --> 00:08:12,457
Hyah-ha.
169
00:08:12,459 --> 00:08:15,260
Hey, ALF, what's goin' on now?
170
00:08:15,262 --> 00:08:18,530
Well, the cop just
asked for streetwalkers
171
00:08:18,532 --> 00:08:21,399
and Kate raised her hand.
172
00:08:22,803 --> 00:08:25,203
Hey, I just call 'em
as I see 'em.
173
00:08:26,440 --> 00:08:30,175
- Gin.
- Not again.
174
00:08:30,177 --> 00:08:34,946
Hey, do you wanna go double or
nothin' for a trip to paradise?
175
00:08:34,948 --> 00:08:37,582
Either way I lose.
176
00:08:37,584 --> 00:08:39,985
Can you knock off the double
entendres?
177
00:08:39,987 --> 00:08:41,887
You're steaming up the windows!
178
00:08:44,591 --> 00:08:48,260
Officer Griswald, how often
would you say the perpetrators
179
00:08:48,262 --> 00:08:50,128
return to the
scene of the crime?
180
00:08:50,130 --> 00:08:52,998
Well, I'd never say it,
because I can't pronounce it!
181
00:08:53,000 --> 00:08:54,900
[laughing]
182
00:08:54,902 --> 00:08:56,835
But I know what you mean!
It does happen!
183
00:08:56,837 --> 00:08:58,403
And if the crooks missed
something of value
184
00:08:58,405 --> 00:09:00,505
the first time,
they might come back for it!
185
00:09:00,507 --> 00:09:03,308
That does it! I'm putting my
six-pack of Billy Beer
186
00:09:03,310 --> 00:09:04,943
in a safe deposit box!
187
00:09:06,847 --> 00:09:08,713
You're an idiot.
188
00:09:08,715 --> 00:09:11,116
Who do you think
you're talking to?
189
00:09:11,118 --> 00:09:12,484
(Brian)
'Now what are they doing?'
190
00:09:12,486 --> 00:09:15,420
Mrs. Byrd's trying
to hit on Trevor!
191
00:09:15,422 --> 00:09:18,723
- Let's just settle down here!
- Well, she started it!
192
00:09:18,725 --> 00:09:21,660
Now Trevor's trying to hit
Mrs. Byrd!
193
00:09:23,830 --> 00:09:28,266
Now, it would be helpful if the
people who are out on patrol
194
00:09:28,268 --> 00:09:30,735
could report back to a central
base station!
195
00:09:30,737 --> 00:09:32,871
So does anybody
have any radio equipment?
196
00:09:32,873 --> 00:09:35,407
A shortwave citizen band,
that sort of thing?
197
00:09:35,409 --> 00:09:37,709
Willie has a CB radio
in his garage!
198
00:09:37,711 --> 00:09:40,845
Your garage would probably make
a good headquarters!
199
00:09:40,847 --> 00:09:44,783
Would you be interested in being
the block captain?
200
00:09:44,785 --> 00:09:46,284
No, not really!
201
00:09:46,286 --> 00:09:50,121
Ah, he's just holding
out for a captain's hat!
202
00:09:50,123 --> 00:09:52,290
I nominate Willie Tanner
for block captain
203
00:09:52,292 --> 00:09:53,625
and I move that
we buy him a hat.
204
00:09:53,627 --> 00:09:55,126
- Second.
- All in favor?
205
00:09:55,128 --> 00:09:56,661
(together)
Aye.
206
00:09:56,663 --> 00:09:58,229
Settled. Let's hit the bricks
and nail this scum.
207
00:09:58,231 --> 00:09:59,965
Do we get to carry clubs?
208
00:10:00,901 --> 00:10:03,335
[instrumental music]
209
00:10:09,676 --> 00:10:12,844
- CB equipment?
- Operational.
210
00:10:12,846 --> 00:10:14,746
- Walkie talkies?
- Operational.
211
00:10:16,083 --> 00:10:18,116
Cordless phone
on separate line?
212
00:10:18,118 --> 00:10:20,385
Operational.
213
00:10:20,387 --> 00:10:22,587
- Stupid-looking hat?
- Op..
214
00:10:24,191 --> 00:10:27,892
That's unnecessary, ALF,
really unnecessary.
215
00:10:27,894 --> 00:10:29,594
Well, I'm upset, Willie.
216
00:10:29,596 --> 00:10:32,130
Give me one reason
why I can't be
217
00:10:32,132 --> 00:10:33,665
part of this neighborhood watch.
218
00:10:33,667 --> 00:10:36,401
Because you don't
put responsibility
219
00:10:36,403 --> 00:10:38,470
into irresponsible hands.
220
00:10:38,472 --> 00:10:40,238
That's not a reason.
221
00:10:40,240 --> 00:10:41,873
That's a platitude.
222
00:10:41,875 --> 00:10:43,208
Because I said so.
223
00:10:43,210 --> 00:10:45,143
Well, that's dogma.
224
00:10:45,145 --> 00:10:46,511
It's worse than dogma.
225
00:10:46,513 --> 00:10:48,913
It's...dogma-nure.
226
00:10:50,984 --> 00:10:53,885
The answer is no, ALF.
227
00:10:53,887 --> 00:10:57,022
Oh, but I'm the perfect choice
for this job.
228
00:10:57,024 --> 00:10:58,657
I've got a great voice.
229
00:10:58,659 --> 00:11:03,361
Yes, and people are gonna
wanna know whose voice that is.
230
00:11:03,363 --> 00:11:05,397
It'll be your voice, Willie.
231
00:11:05,399 --> 00:11:07,732
I'm a whiz with sound equipment.
232
00:11:07,734 --> 00:11:10,835
A little less bass,
a little more treble
233
00:11:10,837 --> 00:11:12,437
a smidgen of static.
234
00:11:12,439 --> 00:11:15,240
I'll sound just like you.
235
00:11:15,242 --> 00:11:17,809
All I need now
is a hesitation coach.
236
00:11:20,313 --> 00:11:22,847
I don't...think..
237
00:11:26,820 --> 00:11:29,988
Hello? Hello.
Mrs. Byrd, Trevor?
238
00:11:29,990 --> 00:11:32,724
Are you out there?
This is the Sentinel.
239
00:11:34,327 --> 00:11:36,394
The Sentinel?
240
00:11:37,397 --> 00:11:39,698
Yes, the Sentinel.
241
00:11:39,700 --> 00:11:42,567
Boy, that hat's
gone to your head.
242
00:11:43,570 --> 00:11:45,737
Trevor, what's the situation
out there?
243
00:11:45,739 --> 00:11:47,439
(Trevor over radio)
'We're just standin' here
in front of Byrd's house'
244
00:11:47,441 --> 00:11:49,207
'seein' if this
walkie talkie works.'
245
00:11:49,209 --> 00:11:50,675
(Mrs. Byrd over radio)
'Get out of my trash can,
Trevor.'
246
00:11:50,677 --> 00:11:51,776
(Trevor)
'Hey, I'm just lookin' for'
247
00:11:51,778 --> 00:11:53,311
'some of my stolen stuff here.'
248
00:11:53,313 --> 00:11:54,345
(Mrs. Byrd)
'Oh, are you insinuating'
249
00:11:54,347 --> 00:11:55,947
'that I robbed your house?'
250
00:11:55,949 --> 00:11:57,582
(Trevor)
'Well, this looks
like my pizza crust.'
251
00:11:57,584 --> 00:12:00,018
(Mrs. Byrd)
'I want a new partner.'
252
00:12:00,020 --> 00:12:01,453
Could you hold that thought?
253
00:12:01,455 --> 00:12:04,456
I'll be back in one minute.
254
00:12:04,458 --> 00:12:08,727
Willie, you can't run
this operation 24 hours a day.
255
00:12:08,729 --> 00:12:13,431
You're gonna need relief
and that's spelled A-L-F.
256
00:12:14,134 --> 00:12:15,900
N-O.
257
00:12:15,902 --> 00:12:20,071
Oh, one shot, Willie.
That's all I ask.
258
00:12:20,073 --> 00:12:21,873
I see you as a fair man..
259
00:12:23,210 --> 00:12:26,444
...with a stupid-looking hat.
260
00:12:26,446 --> 00:12:28,880
Alright, you want a chance,
you've got it.
261
00:12:28,882 --> 00:12:30,615
You've got your chance,
go ahead.
262
00:12:30,617 --> 00:12:34,786
Try! Try and make these two
work as a team.
263
00:12:34,788 --> 00:12:36,788
Alright, alright.
Give me room, alright?
264
00:12:36,790 --> 00:12:40,125
I'll show you how Captain Kirk
would have handled it.
265
00:12:40,127 --> 00:12:44,896
- Can I wear the hat?
- You have to earn this hat.
266
00:12:44,898 --> 00:12:46,064
Okay.
267
00:12:47,601 --> 00:12:51,569
Alright, Ochmonek, Byrd,
this is the Sentinel.
268
00:12:51,571 --> 00:12:53,772
Now, I want you two
to knock it off.
269
00:12:53,774 --> 00:12:56,674
You're supposed to be
fighting crime, not each other.
270
00:12:56,676 --> 00:12:59,077
(Trevor)
'Hey, that doesn't sound
like you, Tanner.'
271
00:12:59,079 --> 00:13:00,779
You see? I told you.
272
00:13:00,781 --> 00:13:03,348
(Mrs. Byrd)
'Yes, you sound so much
more forceful.'
273
00:13:03,350 --> 00:13:05,617
See? I told you.
274
00:13:05,619 --> 00:13:08,453
Now, I want to see
some teamwork out there!
275
00:13:08,455 --> 00:13:11,456
You know, like
Bartles and Jaymes.
276
00:13:12,125 --> 00:13:13,958
Okay, shake hands.
277
00:13:13,960 --> 00:13:17,262
(Mrs. Byrd)
'Shake hands? He's been
digging in my trash.'
278
00:13:17,264 --> 00:13:19,130
Well, then, salute each other.
279
00:13:19,132 --> 00:13:21,599
(Trevor)
'Alright, alright,
we're saluting.'
280
00:13:22,969 --> 00:13:24,836
Okay, at ease.
281
00:13:27,240 --> 00:13:28,706
Well?
282
00:13:36,283 --> 00:13:38,616
It looks stupid
on you too.
283
00:13:42,989 --> 00:13:44,622
[instrumental music]
284
00:13:47,127 --> 00:13:49,527
Oh, Willie, will you tell Alf
that dinner is ready?
285
00:13:49,529 --> 00:13:51,329
He doesn't want any dinner!
286
00:13:51,331 --> 00:13:53,464
Alf is turning down a meal?
287
00:13:53,466 --> 00:13:56,935
Quick, call Geraldo Rivera!
288
00:13:56,937 --> 00:13:59,904
He's too busy being
The Sentinel!
289
00:13:59,906 --> 00:14:03,541
[chuckles]
He calls himself The Sentinel?
290
00:14:04,544 --> 00:14:06,978
Yeah! Silly, isn't it?
291
00:14:06,980 --> 00:14:09,981
Alf is really getting into this
neighborhood-watch thing.
292
00:14:09,983 --> 00:14:11,349
Oh, tell me about it.
293
00:14:11,351 --> 00:14:14,385
During yesterday's inspection
he told me that we didn't have
294
00:14:14,387 --> 00:14:17,088
adequate exterior lighting!
295
00:14:17,090 --> 00:14:19,424
He said he was gonna have
my bike impounded
296
00:14:19,426 --> 00:14:21,926
if I didn't get it registered!
297
00:14:21,928 --> 00:14:26,164
He wanted me to go to the pet
shop to price pit bulls.
298
00:14:26,166 --> 00:14:27,632
What did he tell you, dad?
299
00:14:27,634 --> 00:14:29,868
Oh, he told me to go back
to my family
300
00:14:29,870 --> 00:14:33,071
and leave the crime fighting
to the professionals!
301
00:14:33,073 --> 00:14:35,773
You know, maybe what we're
seeing here is the dawning
302
00:14:35,775 --> 00:14:42,013
of a new Alf.
More responsible, more mature.
303
00:14:42,015 --> 00:14:43,715
(all)
No.
304
00:14:45,252 --> 00:14:49,821
This is the Sentinel
calling Citizen Ochmonek!
305
00:14:49,823 --> 00:14:52,357
Are you at your post? Over!
306
00:14:52,359 --> 00:14:56,394
(Trevor)
'I'm in the can, Tanner!
I'll be out there at 7:00!'
307
00:14:56,396 --> 00:15:00,231
From now on please address me
as The Sentinel.
308
00:15:00,233 --> 00:15:03,434
And you forgot to say,
"Over!" Over!
309
00:15:03,436 --> 00:15:05,270
(Trevor)
'Give me a break, huh?'
310
00:15:05,272 --> 00:15:08,239
How would you like to walk
the graveyard shift? Over!
311
00:15:09,976 --> 00:15:12,744
(Trevor)
'Okay. Okay. Over.'
312
00:15:13,346 --> 00:15:16,347
[toilet flushes]
313
00:15:16,349 --> 00:15:18,883
And don't forget to wash
your hands!
314
00:15:20,520 --> 00:15:23,187
[instrumental music]
315
00:15:30,630 --> 00:15:34,332
This is the Sentinel
calling Citizen Byrd.
316
00:15:34,334 --> 00:15:36,801
(Mrs. Byrd)
'Yeah, I'm here.
What is it this time?'
317
00:15:36,803 --> 00:15:40,138
Suspicious looking character.
318
00:15:40,140 --> 00:15:43,942
Vicinity of 164 Hemdale.
319
00:15:43,944 --> 00:15:45,643
(Mrs. Byrd)
'I don't see anyone.'
320
00:15:45,645 --> 00:15:47,445
Well, she's wearing
a tacky fur coat
321
00:15:47,447 --> 00:15:50,815
and talking into her hand.
322
00:15:50,817 --> 00:15:53,151
(Mrs. Byrd)
'That's me, you dolt.'
323
00:15:53,153 --> 00:15:57,355
Oh, sorry. Uh, outrageous coat,
babe and I mean that.
324
00:16:01,194 --> 00:16:02,827
Oh, hey, wait! Wait!
325
00:16:02,829 --> 00:16:05,763
There's another suspicious
character on the next block.
326
00:16:05,765 --> 00:16:07,365
Check it out.
327
00:16:07,367 --> 00:16:10,268
(Mrs. Byrd)
'Check it out yourself,
and get off my back.'
328
00:16:10,270 --> 00:16:13,004
Tell you what,
why don't I check it out?
329
00:16:17,344 --> 00:16:19,010
[telephone ringing]
330
00:16:21,314 --> 00:16:22,613
Officer Griswald.
331
00:16:22,615 --> 00:16:26,217
Yo, Grizzy,
it's me the Sentinel.
332
00:16:26,219 --> 00:16:27,618
Not again. Look..
333
00:16:27,620 --> 00:16:30,722
Tanner, I know a crime is
committed every five minutes
334
00:16:30,724 --> 00:16:33,324
but they're not
all in your neighborhood.
335
00:16:33,326 --> 00:16:35,793
That's because
I'm on the job.
336
00:16:36,930 --> 00:16:39,063
What is it this time?
337
00:16:39,065 --> 00:16:43,401
A man just came
out of 202 Hemdale
338
00:16:43,403 --> 00:16:45,937
carrying a large plastic bag.
339
00:16:47,374 --> 00:16:49,140
Oh-oh, he's headed for the curb!
340
00:16:49,142 --> 00:16:52,410
It's going down!
It's going down!
341
00:16:52,412 --> 00:16:55,380
Could this guy be
taking out his trash?
342
00:17:01,488 --> 00:17:04,355
Uh...could be.
343
00:17:04,357 --> 00:17:05,957
Over and out.
344
00:17:09,763 --> 00:17:12,764
[piano music]
345
00:17:18,104 --> 00:17:23,074
¶ Give me a ticket
for an aeroplane ¶
346
00:17:23,076 --> 00:17:26,811
¶ Ain't got the time
to make the first train ¶
347
00:17:26,813 --> 00:17:30,748
¶ Lonely days are gone
I'm going home ¶
348
00:17:30,750 --> 00:17:34,118
¶ My baby
she wrote me a letter.. ¶¶
349
00:17:34,120 --> 00:17:35,353
[doorbell dings]
350
00:17:35,355 --> 00:17:36,921
[chuckles]
I'll get it.
351
00:17:40,060 --> 00:17:42,693
Hi. Dad, it's the Ochmoneks.
352
00:17:42,695 --> 00:17:44,028
And Jake.
353
00:17:44,030 --> 00:17:46,230
Hi, tall, teenage,
and tantalizin'.
354
00:17:46,232 --> 00:17:48,366
Gag me with a shovel.
355
00:17:48,368 --> 00:17:49,967
Whatever turns you on.
356
00:17:51,037 --> 00:17:53,838
- Any requests?
- Yeah.
357
00:17:53,840 --> 00:17:56,040
Go jump in the lake and take
your CB with ya.
358
00:17:56,042 --> 00:17:56,941
What?
359
00:17:56,943 --> 00:17:58,309
Everyone thinks
that you're taking
360
00:17:58,311 --> 00:18:00,845
this neighborhood watch thing
far too seriously.
361
00:18:00,847 --> 00:18:03,648
Have I, as the Sentinel
362
00:18:03,650 --> 00:18:05,783
done something
that's offended you?
363
00:18:05,785 --> 00:18:08,886
Let us just say we don't
want to be involved anymore.
364
00:18:08,888 --> 00:18:10,888
We're turning in
our code names.
365
00:18:10,890 --> 00:18:13,758
Cross The Phantom
and Lolita off your list.
366
00:18:15,462 --> 00:18:18,129
The Litwaks and Mrs. Byrd
are droppin' out too.
367
00:18:18,131 --> 00:18:20,865
I guess I got a little
carried away, huh?
368
00:18:20,867 --> 00:18:23,234
You called me horsemeat.
369
00:18:26,706 --> 00:18:28,739
I-I'm sure I didn't say..
370
00:18:30,443 --> 00:18:32,777
...horsemeat.
371
00:18:32,779 --> 00:18:34,846
I'm sure that I said
something nice
372
00:18:34,848 --> 00:18:36,781
that just sounded
like horsemeat.
373
00:18:37,817 --> 00:18:41,519
At any rate,
don't try to contact us.
374
00:18:41,521 --> 00:18:43,054
We're on our way
outta town.
375
00:18:43,056 --> 00:18:45,156
We're going to Tijuana
to do some shopping.
376
00:18:45,158 --> 00:18:47,825
We have a whole house
to refurnish.
377
00:18:47,827 --> 00:18:49,060
Come on, Jake.
378
00:18:49,062 --> 00:18:50,795
Can't I stay
with the Tanners?
379
00:18:50,797 --> 00:18:53,464
I'm allergic to kitsch.
380
00:18:53,466 --> 00:18:54,665
Go.
381
00:18:54,667 --> 00:18:55,867
Enjoy.
382
00:18:55,869 --> 00:18:57,335
Drink the water.
383
00:18:57,337 --> 00:18:58,936
Adios.
384
00:18:58,938 --> 00:19:00,671
I told you, you can't stay here
385
00:19:00,673 --> 00:19:04,509
unless Willie invites you
to stay, of his own free will..
386
00:19:04,511 --> 00:19:06,811
...without being
pushed into it.
387
00:19:07,881 --> 00:19:10,481
Of course, Jake is more than
welcome to stay.
388
00:19:11,851 --> 00:19:13,885
Well, alright then.
See you manana.
389
00:19:13,887 --> 00:19:15,386
Hasta luego.
390
00:19:15,388 --> 00:19:18,022
- Come on, Trevor.
- Right behind you, Phantom.
391
00:19:20,393 --> 00:19:22,226
If you two will excuse me
392
00:19:22,228 --> 00:19:25,062
there's a little matter
I have to discuss with ALF.
393
00:19:25,064 --> 00:19:27,832
Oh, take your time, sir.
We'll be fine.
394
00:19:27,834 --> 00:19:30,334
Oh, uh, could you dim
the lights on your way out?
395
00:19:31,571 --> 00:19:33,104
No problem.
396
00:19:40,747 --> 00:19:43,080
This is your captain speaking.
397
00:19:43,082 --> 00:19:44,949
Come in, Ochmonek.
398
00:19:47,120 --> 00:19:48,553
Litwak?
399
00:19:50,557 --> 00:19:51,889
Byrd?
400
00:19:53,560 --> 00:19:56,160
Rambo, Bigfoot, horsemeat?
401
00:19:56,162 --> 00:19:57,562
Anybody.
402
00:20:00,133 --> 00:20:04,368
Maybe there was a nuclear war
and I'm the only one left.
403
00:20:04,370 --> 00:20:05,870
Hello! Oh, hey, Willie.
404
00:20:05,872 --> 00:20:08,940
Did you see
any mushroom clouds out there?
405
00:20:08,942 --> 00:20:10,942
Ochmonek!
Come in, Ochmonek!
406
00:20:10,944 --> 00:20:12,910
I know you're..
I know you're out there!
407
00:20:12,912 --> 00:20:14,212
Ochmonek!
408
00:20:16,015 --> 00:20:19,750
You are through being
block captain forever.
409
00:20:19,752 --> 00:20:21,986
Forever!
410
00:20:21,988 --> 00:20:24,288
Let me see if I can read
between the lines here.
411
00:20:24,290 --> 00:20:25,556
You're fired.
412
00:20:25,558 --> 00:20:27,358
No, that's not what
you're getting at.
413
00:20:27,360 --> 00:20:31,495
That is exactly what
I'm getting at.
414
00:20:31,497 --> 00:20:33,064
You're finished.
415
00:20:33,066 --> 00:20:35,099
Not only have
you-you humiliated me
416
00:20:35,101 --> 00:20:36,567
in front of my neighbors
417
00:20:36,569 --> 00:20:38,569
but you've ruined
what could've been
418
00:20:38,571 --> 00:20:42,073
an excellent
crime-prevention program.
419
00:20:45,545 --> 00:20:47,345
Oh, yeah?
420
00:20:47,347 --> 00:20:48,746
Oh, yeah? Yeah?
421
00:20:48,748 --> 00:20:50,748
Well, you're near-sighted.
422
00:20:50,750 --> 00:20:52,283
Hah!
423
00:20:52,285 --> 00:20:53,551
I'm fired?
424
00:20:57,890 --> 00:20:59,890
[dramatic music]
425
00:21:07,000 --> 00:21:08,599
[telephone ringing]
426
00:21:10,436 --> 00:21:11,902
Hello!
427
00:21:11,904 --> 00:21:14,405
Um, I don't suppose
you'd be interested
428
00:21:14,407 --> 00:21:18,276
in some suspicious movement
in the shrubbery next door.
429
00:21:19,312 --> 00:21:20,678
[dings]
430
00:21:21,681 --> 00:21:23,614
Evidently not.
431
00:21:28,521 --> 00:21:30,521
[telephone ringing]
432
00:21:31,758 --> 00:21:32,957
Griswald.
433
00:21:32,959 --> 00:21:34,925
Hey, guess who, Grismeister?
434
00:21:35,962 --> 00:21:37,495
Tanner?
435
00:21:37,497 --> 00:21:39,730
Um, I don't suppose
you'd be interested
436
00:21:39,732 --> 00:21:43,267
in some suspicious movement
in the shrubbery next door.
437
00:21:45,972 --> 00:21:47,705
It's a trend.
438
00:21:49,542 --> 00:21:51,175
[dramatic music]
439
00:21:52,045 --> 00:21:55,813
Well, ALFer,
it's up to you.
440
00:21:55,815 --> 00:21:59,283
An alien's got to do
what an alien's got to do.
441
00:21:59,285 --> 00:22:02,753
When the going gets tough..
442
00:22:02,755 --> 00:22:04,855
...the tough get going.
443
00:22:04,857 --> 00:22:06,891
Many are called..
444
00:22:06,893 --> 00:22:09,827
...but few are chosen.
445
00:22:09,829 --> 00:22:11,395
And you can't get
anything done
446
00:22:11,397 --> 00:22:14,498
when you stand around talking
to yourself in cliches.
447
00:22:16,302 --> 00:22:19,403
This guy's
gonna be rice pudding.
448
00:22:19,405 --> 00:22:20,538
Yeah.
449
00:22:23,509 --> 00:22:26,010
Oh! What am I doing?
450
00:22:26,012 --> 00:22:28,412
I'm a cop.
451
00:22:28,414 --> 00:22:30,014
We're cops.
452
00:22:31,684 --> 00:22:33,050
Aren't we?
453
00:22:34,721 --> 00:22:36,554
We gotta check it out.
454
00:22:38,424 --> 00:22:39,557
Don't we?
455
00:22:43,763 --> 00:22:45,396
Come on, let's go.
456
00:22:55,541 --> 00:22:57,174
[dramatic music]
457
00:23:02,415 --> 00:23:03,748
Freeze!
458
00:23:09,088 --> 00:23:11,922
Don't you know
what freeze means?
459
00:23:11,924 --> 00:23:13,924
[siren wailing]
460
00:23:13,926 --> 00:23:16,761
Well, it's about time.
461
00:23:18,231 --> 00:23:20,297
(Griswald over PA)
'You, in the house..'
462
00:23:20,299 --> 00:23:23,100
'...come out
with your hands up.'
463
00:23:24,437 --> 00:23:26,103
Mommy!
464
00:23:27,240 --> 00:23:29,240
[instrumental music]
465
00:23:57,837 --> 00:24:00,404
[ALF laughing]