1
00:00:02,136 --> 00:00:03,769
[blows]

2
00:00:06,640 --> 00:00:07,673
[sniffing]

3
00:00:07,675 --> 00:00:11,543
Aah! Nothing like
the smell of a new car.

4
00:00:13,147 --> 00:00:14,380
[honking]

5
00:00:15,649 --> 00:00:20,652
- Yeah.
- What...is that?

6
00:00:20,654 --> 00:00:22,154
My new wheels.

7
00:00:22,156 --> 00:00:25,457
This will really impress
the chicks.

8
00:00:25,459 --> 00:00:28,060
- Are you impressed?
- No.

9
00:00:28,062 --> 00:00:31,397
I was talking to the chick.
Not the mother hen.

10
00:00:33,334 --> 00:00:35,167
What is that thing?

11
00:00:35,169 --> 00:00:37,002
It's not a thing.

12
00:00:37,004 --> 00:00:39,905
It's an ALF Romeo.

13
00:00:39,907 --> 00:00:41,640
How did you make it?

14
00:00:41,642 --> 00:00:43,842
Well, out of a bunch
of useless junk.

15
00:00:43,844 --> 00:00:46,245
I got the brakes
from your bicycle.

16
00:00:46,247 --> 00:00:48,347
The engine
from Willie's lawn mower

17
00:00:48,349 --> 00:00:52,184
And the seat cover
from Kate's wedding dress.

18
00:00:52,186 --> 00:00:53,519
ALF!

19
00:00:53,521 --> 00:00:55,587
Where you planning
to wear it again?

20
00:00:57,158 --> 00:00:59,892
Get that car
out of the living room.

21
00:00:59,894 --> 00:01:02,661
Fine. Clear the cross walk.

22
00:01:03,664 --> 00:01:05,631
[engine revving]

23
00:01:06,901 --> 00:01:08,934
[crashing]

24
00:01:12,406 --> 00:01:15,841
Great! Now I have
to build a tow truck.

25
00:01:18,379 --> 00:01:20,579
[theme music]

26
00:01:49,977 --> 00:01:51,977
[music continues]

27
00:02:20,975 --> 00:02:22,608
[doorbell ringing]

28
00:02:22,610 --> 00:02:23,876
[sighs]

29
00:02:27,314 --> 00:02:29,114
Oh, hi, Pete.

30
00:02:29,116 --> 00:02:30,315
Hi, Willie.

31
00:02:30,317 --> 00:02:32,818
Another package for ALF Tanner.

32
00:02:32,820 --> 00:02:34,319
Huh.

33
00:02:34,321 --> 00:02:37,289
- How much?
- 29.95.

34
00:02:37,291 --> 00:02:38,824
You got off easy this time.

35
00:02:38,826 --> 00:02:40,792
Here you go.

36
00:02:40,794 --> 00:02:42,794
- I'll see ya.
- Yeah.

37
00:02:42,796 --> 00:02:44,863
- Probably this afternoon.
- Mm.

38
00:02:46,433 --> 00:02:47,966
[door shuts]

39
00:02:47,968 --> 00:02:50,969
Oh, ALF?

40
00:02:50,971 --> 00:02:52,137
I have a package

41
00:02:52,139 --> 00:02:54,806
and a lecture for you.

42
00:02:54,808 --> 00:02:58,844
How come those things
always come in pairs?

43
00:02:58,846 --> 00:03:00,879
Oh, boy! It came!

44
00:03:03,150 --> 00:03:04,816
Here, here, here.

45
00:03:04,818 --> 00:03:07,486
Oh, ALF. What is it this time?

46
00:03:07,488 --> 00:03:08,720
Beats me.

47
00:03:08,722 --> 00:03:12,691
You're getting Styrofoam
all over the carpet.

48
00:03:12,693 --> 00:03:13,725
Sorry.

49
00:03:17,531 --> 00:03:18,564
[spits]
Yuck!

50
00:03:18,566 --> 00:03:20,065
They're stale!

51
00:03:21,335 --> 00:03:22,534
Look..

52
00:03:22,536 --> 00:03:24,536
It's a ventriloquist's dummy.

53
00:03:24,538 --> 00:03:28,307
Yeah! Yeah, I saw one of
these little guys on TV.

54
00:03:28,309 --> 00:03:30,742
He was hilarious!

55
00:03:34,682 --> 00:03:37,149
Come on, dummy, speak to me.

56
00:03:41,655 --> 00:03:43,989
Just my luck. He's a mute.

57
00:03:51,332 --> 00:03:53,365
(ALF)
Come on, talk!

58
00:03:53,367 --> 00:03:55,701
Talk!

59
00:03:55,703 --> 00:03:57,903
Don't make me
get the rubber hose.

60
00:04:00,074 --> 00:04:01,840
He's broken, Willie!

61
00:04:01,842 --> 00:04:04,710
Looks like you blew 30 bucks.

62
00:04:04,712 --> 00:04:07,212
ALF, I'm not going
to raise my voice.

63
00:04:07,214 --> 00:04:08,780
I'm not going to threaten you.

64
00:04:08,782 --> 00:04:12,417
I'm just going to say,
for the 928th time

65
00:04:12,419 --> 00:04:16,588
please don't ever do this again.

66
00:04:19,727 --> 00:04:22,060
I'd better send Willie
some flowers, Lynn.

67
00:04:22,062 --> 00:04:23,962
Bring me the phone.

68
00:04:24,798 --> 00:04:25,631
No.

69
00:04:25,633 --> 00:04:27,132
You've got to stop spending

70
00:04:27,134 --> 00:04:28,700
other people's money.

71
00:04:28,702 --> 00:04:32,738
Why? People like it
when you spend their money.

72
00:04:32,740 --> 00:04:35,274
On Melmac that's how you said

73
00:04:35,276 --> 00:04:36,642
"I care."

74
00:04:37,444 --> 00:04:38,777
If you don't stop caring

75
00:04:38,779 --> 00:04:41,880
you're gonna send dad
to the poorhouse.

76
00:04:41,882 --> 00:04:45,317
I noticed
you haven't said very much.

77
00:04:45,319 --> 00:04:47,586
ALF, you have to make him talk..

78
00:04:47,588 --> 00:04:48,820
...like this.

79
00:04:49,790 --> 00:04:52,924
Hi, ALF, pleased to meet you.

80
00:04:52,926 --> 00:04:54,426
That's amazing!

81
00:04:54,428 --> 00:04:57,229
He sounds just like you!

82
00:04:57,231 --> 00:04:59,331
That was me. See, look.

83
00:04:59,333 --> 00:05:00,932
You just pull
this little string

84
00:05:00,934 --> 00:05:03,935
and he'll open his mouth
and say whatever you want.

85
00:05:03,937 --> 00:05:06,271
We had a guy like that
on Melmac.

86
00:05:06,273 --> 00:05:07,839
Our president.

87
00:05:08,609 --> 00:05:10,709
Here. You try it. That's it.

88
00:05:13,314 --> 00:05:14,613
Hi, Lynn!

89
00:05:14,615 --> 00:05:16,915
Pay no attention
to the furry guy

90
00:05:16,917 --> 00:05:20,018
with his hand up my back.

91
00:05:20,020 --> 00:05:22,254
You're not supposed
to move your lips.

92
00:05:23,424 --> 00:05:24,890
What lips?

93
00:05:25,993 --> 00:05:28,760
You-you have to talk
with your mouth closed.

94
00:05:29,797 --> 00:05:32,531
Oh. Well, no problem.

95
00:05:33,600 --> 00:05:34,633
[mumbling]
Hi, Lynn!

96
00:05:34,635 --> 00:05:36,468
Pay no attention to the guy

97
00:05:36,470 --> 00:05:39,004
with his hand up my back.

98
00:05:40,541 --> 00:05:44,042
Kate, Kate. Can you hold off
on the vacuuming?

99
00:05:44,044 --> 00:05:47,512
We're in the middle
of something here.

100
00:05:47,514 --> 00:05:50,816
I'm not going to vacuum.
You are!

101
00:05:50,818 --> 00:05:54,286
- Me?
- Yes, you.

102
00:05:54,288 --> 00:05:55,654
And as my mother once said

103
00:05:55,656 --> 00:05:58,523
"those who don't work,
don't eat."

104
00:05:58,525 --> 00:06:01,660
Sweet lovable grandma said that?

105
00:06:01,662 --> 00:06:03,562
I'm surprised.

106
00:06:07,234 --> 00:06:10,736
You heard the lady.
You better put that thing away.

107
00:06:10,738 --> 00:06:15,574
It's not a thing.
It's my new pal.

108
00:06:15,576 --> 00:06:17,709
What do you think
I should name him?

109
00:06:17,711 --> 00:06:19,010
I don't know.

110
00:06:19,012 --> 00:06:20,379
Their names are usually goofy

111
00:06:20,381 --> 00:06:22,581
like Mortimer Snerd.

112
00:06:22,583 --> 00:06:24,116
Knucklehead Smith.

113
00:06:24,818 --> 00:06:27,886
I think I'll call him..

114
00:06:27,888 --> 00:06:29,187
...Paul.

115
00:06:29,189 --> 00:06:30,655
Paul?

116
00:06:30,657 --> 00:06:32,524
That's not a goofy name.

117
00:06:32,526 --> 00:06:34,559
Oh, it is on Melmac.

118
00:06:34,561 --> 00:06:36,695
One time I called a guy Paul

119
00:06:36,697 --> 00:06:39,865
I ended up with 14 stitches!

120
00:06:39,867 --> 00:06:42,768
It's a good thing I didn't
call him a son of a Paul.

121
00:06:43,604 --> 00:06:45,437
I'll remember that.

122
00:06:45,439 --> 00:06:47,906
Although I have no idea why.

123
00:06:47,908 --> 00:06:49,608
Hey, look, this teaches you
how to talk

124
00:06:49,610 --> 00:06:51,543
without moving your mouth.

125
00:06:51,545 --> 00:06:52,878
Repeat after me.

126
00:06:52,880 --> 00:06:56,348
"A boy bought a baboon."

127
00:06:56,350 --> 00:06:58,250
- What boy?
- I don't know.

128
00:06:58,252 --> 00:07:01,620
- Well, where did he buy it?
- It doesn't matter.

129
00:07:01,622 --> 00:07:04,189
- Can I have one?
- It never happened.

130
00:07:04,191 --> 00:07:07,058
Then why are you
spreading these rumors?

131
00:07:07,060 --> 00:07:10,362
That's it! I'm doing my homework
someplace else.

132
00:07:10,364 --> 00:07:12,631
Well, thanks for all your help!

133
00:07:13,901 --> 00:07:16,568
Hey, ALF, want to play
a computer game?

134
00:07:16,570 --> 00:07:18,036
Well, not right now.

135
00:07:18,038 --> 00:07:20,605
Hey, how would you like
to help me learn ventriloquism?

136
00:07:20,607 --> 00:07:23,141
Sure. What do I do first?

137
00:07:23,143 --> 00:07:25,610
First you plug in
that vacuum cleaner

138
00:07:25,612 --> 00:07:29,147
and suck up
all those Styrofoam thingies.

139
00:07:29,149 --> 00:07:30,248
No way!

140
00:07:30,250 --> 00:07:33,318
I'm not as gullible
as I used to be.

141
00:07:34,388 --> 00:07:37,322
Hey! Where is everybody going?

142
00:07:38,892 --> 00:07:39,991
Boy!

143
00:07:39,993 --> 00:07:43,328
Doesn't anybody want to have
any fun around here?

144
00:07:44,431 --> 00:07:45,597
I do.

145
00:07:45,599 --> 00:07:47,833
[instrumental music]

146
00:07:53,841 --> 00:07:55,140
(ALF)
'Ta-da!'

147
00:07:55,142 --> 00:07:57,776
Welcome to
the Tanner dinner theater.

148
00:07:57,778 --> 00:08:01,947
Starring Gordon Shumway
and Paul!

149
00:08:01,949 --> 00:08:03,915
Oh, ALF, what are you doing?
We were just--

150
00:08:03,917 --> 00:08:07,686
There will be no talking
during tonight's performance.

151
00:08:07,688 --> 00:08:10,422
And now, our opening joke.

152
00:08:10,424 --> 00:08:12,190
Say hello, dummy!

153
00:08:12,192 --> 00:08:13,625
Hello, dummy!

154
00:08:13,627 --> 00:08:15,260
[laughs]

155
00:08:15,262 --> 00:08:16,795
Oh, brother!

156
00:08:16,797 --> 00:08:20,298
Oh-oh! The crowd looks tough.

157
00:08:20,300 --> 00:08:22,033
So does the roast beef.

158
00:08:22,035 --> 00:08:24,369
[laughs]

159
00:08:24,371 --> 00:08:28,507
Hey, Paul. It looks like
they're glad to see you.

160
00:08:28,509 --> 00:08:30,775
Oh, that's 'cause
with me on your hand

161
00:08:30,777 --> 00:08:33,178
you can't grab all the food!

162
00:08:33,180 --> 00:08:34,646
[all laughing]

163
00:08:34,648 --> 00:08:36,948
We kill us!

164
00:08:36,950 --> 00:08:39,284
ALF, how did you
get so good so fast?

165
00:08:39,286 --> 00:08:42,120
Well, I pick things up
pretty quickly.

166
00:08:42,122 --> 00:08:44,823
Except for those
Styrofoam thingies.

167
00:08:44,825 --> 00:08:47,425
You shoved them under the rug!

168
00:08:48,996 --> 00:08:51,963
Well, Sshh. Ow! He bit me.

169
00:08:51,965 --> 00:08:53,231
Oh, you're lucky
I didn't tell 'em

170
00:08:53,233 --> 00:08:55,000
that you broke
Willie's brand new--

171
00:08:55,002 --> 00:08:57,469
Uh, in closing,
I'd like to leave you

172
00:08:57,471 --> 00:09:00,906
with something me dear departed
grandfather said.

173
00:09:00,908 --> 00:09:03,108
[speaking in foreign language]

174
00:09:03,844 --> 00:09:05,510
Is that Melmacian?

175
00:09:05,512 --> 00:09:07,045
No, it's gibberish.

176
00:09:07,047 --> 00:09:09,381
The man was a babbling idiot.

177
00:09:09,383 --> 00:09:10,715
[laughing]

178
00:09:10,717 --> 00:09:13,919
Ha! Ha!
Hey, how about some applause?

179
00:09:13,921 --> 00:09:16,721
- Okay.
- Pretty nice. Very nice!

180
00:09:16,723 --> 00:09:20,725
So, only caused me 29.95.

181
00:09:20,727 --> 00:09:22,427
On core, on core.

182
00:09:22,429 --> 00:09:25,196
No, no, no. Not now, ALF,
the food's getting cold.

183
00:09:25,198 --> 00:09:27,933
But we haven't done
our show stopper.

184
00:09:27,935 --> 00:09:32,404
¶ Ebony and ivory ¶¶

185
00:09:32,406 --> 00:09:33,438
[indistinct chatter]

186
00:09:37,911 --> 00:09:40,345
Where's Geppetto?

187
00:09:41,882 --> 00:09:44,716
Last time I saw him,
he and Paul were playing poker.

188
00:09:44,718 --> 00:09:46,451
You know,
it was kind of strange.

189
00:09:46,453 --> 00:09:50,121
Paul was cheating
and ALF didn't seem to notice.

190
00:09:52,359 --> 00:09:53,792
Well..

191
00:09:53,794 --> 00:09:55,961
...at least they're
not here, not now.

192
00:09:55,963 --> 00:09:59,197
I mean...if you know
what I mean.

193
00:10:00,567 --> 00:10:03,068
No, I-I don't know
what you mean.

194
00:10:03,070 --> 00:10:05,971
Well..
I know what you mean.

195
00:10:07,741 --> 00:10:09,941
- Oh, baby!
- 'Oh!'

196
00:10:10,644 --> 00:10:11,977
ALF.

197
00:10:12,813 --> 00:10:14,546
Did we spoil the moment?

198
00:10:14,548 --> 00:10:15,614
[sighs]

199
00:10:15,616 --> 00:10:19,150
ALF, stop hiding under the bed.

200
00:10:19,152 --> 00:10:22,754
Hey, it's no picnic
for me under there.

201
00:10:22,756 --> 00:10:23,989
Well, actually it was.

202
00:10:23,991 --> 00:10:26,291
We ate a couple of dust bunnies.

203
00:10:27,394 --> 00:10:28,960
Why are you here?

204
00:10:28,962 --> 00:10:32,597
Ask Paul. It was his idea.

205
00:10:32,599 --> 00:10:35,133
Okay. Why are you here?

206
00:10:35,135 --> 00:10:37,836
Alright. I heard ya, I heard ya.

207
00:10:37,838 --> 00:10:39,771
It's showtime!

208
00:10:39,773 --> 00:10:42,974
No, it's bedtime.

209
00:10:42,976 --> 00:10:46,444
I'd like to start
with my impression of ALF.

210
00:10:46,446 --> 00:10:47,579
Me?

211
00:10:47,581 --> 00:10:50,148
Yeah, you, fur-brain.

212
00:10:50,617 --> 00:10:52,083
Yo, Wilhelm.

213
00:10:52,085 --> 00:10:55,020
You're going to have
one less mouth to feed.

214
00:10:55,022 --> 00:10:57,188
I ate your cat!

215
00:10:58,125 --> 00:11:00,325
Oh, ho. Very funny.

216
00:11:00,327 --> 00:11:02,427
Goodnight.

217
00:11:02,429 --> 00:11:03,928
Goodnight.

218
00:11:03,930 --> 00:11:05,864
Impression number two.

219
00:11:05,866 --> 00:11:08,500
Someone who ate Kate's cooking.

220
00:11:08,502 --> 00:11:11,336
[retching]

221
00:11:13,106 --> 00:11:14,973
Paul, that is the second time

222
00:11:14,975 --> 00:11:17,842
you have insulted my cooking.

223
00:11:17,844 --> 00:11:20,545
I'm trying to reason
with a block of wood.

224
00:11:20,547 --> 00:11:22,313
Block of wood?

225
00:11:22,315 --> 00:11:23,882
Hey, Kate, easy.

226
00:11:23,884 --> 00:11:25,884
He's sensitive about his roots.

227
00:11:25,886 --> 00:11:28,086
[Kate sighs]

228
00:11:28,955 --> 00:11:30,989
You know what this means?

229
00:11:30,991 --> 00:11:33,858
You're making a right turn?

230
00:11:33,860 --> 00:11:35,026
Get out.

231
00:11:35,028 --> 00:11:36,828
This is all your fault.

232
00:11:36,830 --> 00:11:38,163
Oh, don't blame me.

233
00:11:38,165 --> 00:11:39,197
They wouldn't know talent

234
00:11:39,199 --> 00:11:41,099
if it threw up on their bed.

235
00:11:42,235 --> 00:11:44,469
This is getting really bizarre.

236
00:11:44,471 --> 00:11:47,739
Oh, baby!

237
00:11:47,741 --> 00:11:49,941
[instrumental music]

238
00:12:03,356 --> 00:12:05,590
(Paul)
'If you're looking
for the roast beef'

239
00:12:05,592 --> 00:12:07,592
'I set it free.'

240
00:12:14,701 --> 00:12:16,101
Hi, ALF.

241
00:12:16,103 --> 00:12:19,370
I-I didn't know
you were still awake.

242
00:12:19,372 --> 00:12:21,072
ALF's asleep.

243
00:12:21,074 --> 00:12:23,374
You're talking to me.

244
00:12:23,376 --> 00:12:25,343
[laughs]

245
00:12:30,717 --> 00:12:31,950
[instrumental music]

246
00:12:39,059 --> 00:12:41,760
Can't you pack any faster?

247
00:12:41,762 --> 00:12:44,129
Not one-handed.

248
00:12:44,131 --> 00:12:46,231
Why do we have to run away?

249
00:12:46,233 --> 00:12:50,301
Because this place
is a suburban Sing Sing.

250
00:12:51,571 --> 00:12:53,938
Hi, ALF. Whatcha doing?

251
00:12:53,940 --> 00:12:56,307
Uh, running away from home.

252
00:12:56,309 --> 00:12:59,577
Oh, great. Tell the whole world!

253
00:12:59,579 --> 00:13:01,546
Why are you running away?

254
00:13:01,548 --> 00:13:02,914
None of your business!

255
00:13:02,916 --> 00:13:05,550
[laughs]

256
00:13:05,552 --> 00:13:07,585
I'm gonna tell dad.

257
00:13:07,587 --> 00:13:09,654
Dad!

258
00:13:09,656 --> 00:13:10,955
Hey, hey!

259
00:13:10,957 --> 00:13:13,992
What's the idea
of lying to Brian like that?

260
00:13:13,994 --> 00:13:15,927
Ow! Don't hit me.

261
00:13:15,929 --> 00:13:17,695
Shut up and keep packing.

262
00:13:19,833 --> 00:13:22,934
Well, what if I don't wanna go?

263
00:13:22,936 --> 00:13:25,236
What if someone sees me?

264
00:13:25,238 --> 00:13:27,972
I'll tell 'em
you're my pet sloth..

265
00:13:27,974 --> 00:13:30,375
...which isn't too far
from the truth.

266
00:13:31,945 --> 00:13:34,846
I don't know
why I stay friends with you.

267
00:13:34,848 --> 00:13:37,582
Because I'm your alter ego.

268
00:13:37,584 --> 00:13:38,783
You're my what?

269
00:13:38,785 --> 00:13:41,419
I tell you what to do.

270
00:13:41,421 --> 00:13:43,621
Now, grab that radio over there.

271
00:13:43,623 --> 00:13:45,323
We'll hock it.

272
00:13:45,325 --> 00:13:48,092
I can't take that.
It's Willie's!

273
00:13:48,094 --> 00:13:49,861
You're not taking anything.

274
00:13:49,863 --> 00:13:52,797
And I think it's time
I took that dummy away from you.

275
00:13:52,799 --> 00:13:54,199
No! No!

276
00:13:54,201 --> 00:13:57,569
Yeah. Back off or you'll be
sucking splinters.

277
00:14:00,607 --> 00:14:01,673
ALF..

278
00:14:01,675 --> 00:14:04,142
...uh, Paul is only a toy.

279
00:14:04,144 --> 00:14:07,645
How about if we replace him
with a Papa Smurf?

280
00:14:07,647 --> 00:14:11,349
Why don't we replace the two
of you with Ozzie and Harriet?

281
00:14:11,351 --> 00:14:13,418
At least Harriet could cook.

282
00:14:14,721 --> 00:14:17,856
That's it, mister.
You are kindling.

283
00:14:17,858 --> 00:14:20,825
No, no! Don't take Paul
away from me.

284
00:14:20,827 --> 00:14:22,126
He'll die!

285
00:14:23,797 --> 00:14:26,664
ALF, w-why don't you and Paul
just go in the house?

286
00:14:26,666 --> 00:14:29,300
Uh, we're not gonna
bother you anymore. I promise.

287
00:14:30,804 --> 00:14:34,205
See how nice they are?
Thank you.

288
00:14:34,207 --> 00:14:35,640
That's very kind of--

289
00:14:35,642 --> 00:14:36,841
Come on! Come on!

290
00:14:36,843 --> 00:14:38,710
I'll teach you how to smoke.

291
00:14:38,712 --> 00:14:41,880
- But I don't wanna smoke.
- It's good for ya.

292
00:14:41,882 --> 00:14:43,581
- Really?
- Oh, yeah.

293
00:14:44,584 --> 00:14:46,684
Willie, what..

294
00:14:46,686 --> 00:14:48,353
What did you do that for?

295
00:14:48,355 --> 00:14:51,823
Don't worry.
I'm getting psychiatric help.

296
00:14:51,825 --> 00:14:54,559
Well, good for you, honey.
But what about ALF?

297
00:14:56,596 --> 00:14:58,329
That's what I meant.

298
00:14:58,331 --> 00:15:00,865
- Oh.
- I'm calling Larry.

299
00:15:00,867 --> 00:15:02,533
He helped ALF last year.

300
00:15:02,535 --> 00:15:05,203
He didn't even send us a bill.

301
00:15:05,205 --> 00:15:07,272
You get what you pay for.

302
00:15:16,283 --> 00:15:19,117
Hey! Give me some more nuts.

303
00:15:20,220 --> 00:15:22,720
But I don't want any more nuts.

304
00:15:22,722 --> 00:15:24,355
(Paul)
'I do!'

305
00:15:28,395 --> 00:15:29,761
[siren wailing on TV]

306
00:15:29,763 --> 00:15:31,462
[banging]

307
00:15:33,066 --> 00:15:34,832
That is really annoying.

308
00:15:35,869 --> 00:15:36,868
Good.

309
00:15:42,909 --> 00:15:46,444
ALF, your dummy is making me
very uncomfortable.

310
00:15:46,446 --> 00:15:49,147
Well, at least you don't have
to sleep with him.

311
00:15:55,755 --> 00:15:57,622
He's giving me the creeps!

312
00:15:57,624 --> 00:16:00,091
[laughs]

313
00:16:00,093 --> 00:16:01,826
Goodbye.

314
00:16:04,998 --> 00:16:07,498
I think she likes me.

315
00:16:12,739 --> 00:16:14,539
[banging]

316
00:16:16,309 --> 00:16:18,109
[window creaking]

317
00:16:18,111 --> 00:16:20,912
Talk about a puppet dictator.

318
00:16:20,914 --> 00:16:22,280
You know, you don't often hear

319
00:16:22,282 --> 00:16:24,949
about the dangers
of ventriloquism.

320
00:16:24,951 --> 00:16:26,317
[knock on door]

321
00:16:26,319 --> 00:16:28,186
Larry, come on. Come on in.

322
00:16:28,188 --> 00:16:29,287
Hi, Willie, how are you?
Nice seeing you.

323
00:16:29,289 --> 00:16:30,955
- Oh, Lar.
- Hello, Kate.

324
00:16:30,957 --> 00:16:31,990
How are you, love?

325
00:16:31,992 --> 00:16:33,458
We appreciate your coming over.

326
00:16:33,460 --> 00:16:34,792
Well, I had to come over
to see if this dummy

327
00:16:34,794 --> 00:16:37,261
is really as bad
as you say he is.

328
00:16:37,263 --> 00:16:39,297
Actually, he's worse.

329
00:16:39,299 --> 00:16:40,465
- Oh!
- Where's the patient?

330
00:16:40,467 --> 00:16:42,367
Oh, he's in the living room
watching TV.

331
00:16:42,369 --> 00:16:44,736
- Oh?
- And eating peanuts.

332
00:16:47,841 --> 00:16:49,207
[banging]

333
00:16:50,944 --> 00:16:51,976
Hey, ALF.

334
00:16:51,978 --> 00:16:53,344
- ALF..
- Larry!

335
00:16:53,346 --> 00:16:55,546
Nice seeing you again.
How are ya?

336
00:16:55,548 --> 00:16:56,881
Hey-hey!

337
00:16:56,883 --> 00:16:59,650
Oh, great! Look who walked in!

338
00:16:59,652 --> 00:17:01,285
You've got a fat lot of nerve

339
00:17:01,287 --> 00:17:04,555
showing your face around here.

340
00:17:04,557 --> 00:17:05,957
Who's he?

341
00:17:05,959 --> 00:17:08,326
Uh, Paul, this is Larry.

342
00:17:08,328 --> 00:17:10,128
He is a shrink.

343
00:17:10,130 --> 00:17:12,030
Yeah? Well, tell him
to beat it.

344
00:17:12,032 --> 00:17:14,132
I'm small enough as it is.

345
00:17:14,134 --> 00:17:16,501
[laughs]

346
00:17:16,503 --> 00:17:17,902
Uh..

347
00:17:17,904 --> 00:17:21,239
So, uh...what's new?

348
00:17:21,241 --> 00:17:23,341
Well, certainly not your suit.

349
00:17:23,343 --> 00:17:24,709
When they made that

350
00:17:24,711 --> 00:17:26,644
there was only
one Brooks brother.

351
00:17:26,646 --> 00:17:29,047
[laughs]

352
00:17:29,049 --> 00:17:31,182
Hey, you're a pretty funny guy.

353
00:17:31,184 --> 00:17:34,185
Just wait. You'll be mad
at me soon enough.

354
00:17:34,187 --> 00:17:36,587
Oh, now, why would I do that?

355
00:17:36,589 --> 00:17:39,590
Because you're
an egg sucking bone head.

356
00:17:41,327 --> 00:17:42,493
Egg sucking..

357
00:17:42,495 --> 00:17:44,529
[scoffs]
You're really a riot.

358
00:17:44,531 --> 00:17:45,897
I'm surprised
you don't get along

359
00:17:45,899 --> 00:17:47,498
with the Tanners.

360
00:17:47,500 --> 00:17:51,035
Well, it's not my fault.
I like the Tanners.

361
00:17:51,037 --> 00:17:53,204
Speak for yourself.

362
00:17:53,206 --> 00:17:55,039
What's wrong with the Tanners?

363
00:17:55,041 --> 00:17:57,008
Too many stupid rules!

364
00:17:57,010 --> 00:18:00,278
Don't eat the cat.
Don't break the dishes.

365
00:18:00,280 --> 00:18:01,946
Don't eat the cat.

366
00:18:02,549 --> 00:18:04,048
ALF..

367
00:18:04,050 --> 00:18:05,750
...do you object to these rules?

368
00:18:05,752 --> 00:18:10,288
Yeah, especially
rules number one and three.

369
00:18:11,891 --> 00:18:13,758
I think I'm beginning
to understand.

370
00:18:13,760 --> 00:18:17,261
Oh, wait. You haven't heard
all the rules.

371
00:18:17,263 --> 00:18:19,597
Don't throw food on the floor.

372
00:18:19,599 --> 00:18:21,933
Don't eat food off the floor.

373
00:18:21,935 --> 00:18:24,402
Don't bonk the guests.

374
00:18:24,404 --> 00:18:26,104
I never heard that one.

375
00:18:26,106 --> 00:18:27,271
Great!

376
00:18:27,273 --> 00:18:28,573
Bonk!

377
00:18:28,575 --> 00:18:30,908
[groans]

378
00:18:30,910 --> 00:18:32,510
Still friends?

379
00:18:34,080 --> 00:18:36,414
Funny. Funny guy.

380
00:18:36,416 --> 00:18:38,483
Ah, geez.

381
00:18:40,086 --> 00:18:41,319
Oh.

382
00:18:43,156 --> 00:18:44,255
(Paul)
'More nuts.'

383
00:18:44,257 --> 00:18:45,756
[banging]

384
00:18:45,758 --> 00:18:47,258
[sighs]

385
00:18:47,260 --> 00:18:49,494
Lar, did you find out
what's wrong with ALF?

386
00:18:49,496 --> 00:18:52,597
Yeah. His dummy's a jerk.

387
00:18:52,599 --> 00:18:54,432
I'm glad we asked
for a professional opinion.

388
00:18:54,434 --> 00:18:56,501
Hey, he bonked me!

389
00:18:57,604 --> 00:18:59,504
Should have a rule against that.

390
00:18:59,506 --> 00:19:01,506
Why, I think we do.
Don't-don't we have a rule--

391
00:19:01,508 --> 00:19:04,609
Guys, please!
Lar, what's wrong with ALF?

392
00:19:04,611 --> 00:19:05,977
Well, I do have a theory.

393
00:19:05,979 --> 00:19:08,579
I mean, uh, ever since
ALF came to live here

394
00:19:08,581 --> 00:19:11,082
he had to be
on his best behavior, right?

395
00:19:11,084 --> 00:19:14,452
- That's been his best behavior?
- I'd hate to see his bad side.

396
00:19:14,454 --> 00:19:16,454
- Ah.
- Well, you just did.

397
00:19:16,456 --> 00:19:17,989
It's Paul.

398
00:19:17,991 --> 00:19:20,758
He's using the dummy
to blow off steam.

399
00:19:20,760 --> 00:19:22,793
But what do we do about it?

400
00:19:22,795 --> 00:19:25,296
Well, you could
get the dummy a dummy.

401
00:19:25,298 --> 00:19:27,298
But then you would be stuck
with a really little guy

402
00:19:27,300 --> 00:19:29,367
with a really bad temper.

403
00:19:30,303 --> 00:19:32,203
There-there must be another way.

404
00:19:32,205 --> 00:19:34,472
Tsk. Well, I have an idea.

405
00:19:34,474 --> 00:19:36,107
It may be a bit drastic.

406
00:19:36,109 --> 00:19:37,308
But I think we should go for it.

407
00:19:37,310 --> 00:19:38,676
What is it?

408
00:19:38,678 --> 00:19:40,711
Well, everybody has to break
some rules now and then.

409
00:19:40,713 --> 00:19:42,180
I mean, and ALF's no different.

410
00:19:42,182 --> 00:19:44,482
I think you, uh..

411
00:19:44,484 --> 00:19:46,717
I think you should
let him eat the cat.

412
00:19:48,054 --> 00:19:49,987
- W-what?
- No!

413
00:19:49,989 --> 00:19:51,722
I mean, you know, we could
let him break some dishes.

414
00:19:51,724 --> 00:19:54,192
I mean, anything to get-get
the old ALF back.

415
00:19:54,194 --> 00:19:56,294
Couldn't we just let him throw
popcorn on the floor?

416
00:19:56,296 --> 00:19:58,496
We'll do that, too.
Uh, what about you, Willie?

417
00:19:58,498 --> 00:20:00,498
Do you have any ideas?

418
00:20:00,500 --> 00:20:02,967
No, none. Not a one.

419
00:20:02,969 --> 00:20:05,336
Okay. Here we go.

420
00:20:05,338 --> 00:20:06,771
Ha.

421
00:20:09,175 --> 00:20:11,209
Look who's here!

422
00:20:11,211 --> 00:20:13,978
The three stooges.

423
00:20:13,980 --> 00:20:15,980
Couldn't we just solve this
with a buzz saw?

424
00:20:15,982 --> 00:20:19,317
No, no, no.
Just do what I do, okay?

425
00:20:19,319 --> 00:20:20,351
And one for you.

426
00:20:20,353 --> 00:20:21,652
Hey.

427
00:20:22,555 --> 00:20:24,655
[plate shattering]

428
00:20:24,657 --> 00:20:26,924
- What was that?
- It's our good China.

429
00:20:26,926 --> 00:20:28,326
[plate shattering]

430
00:20:28,328 --> 00:20:30,528
Yeah, we're breaking it.

431
00:20:30,530 --> 00:20:32,196
[plate shattering]

432
00:20:32,198 --> 00:20:33,364
I was right.

433
00:20:33,366 --> 00:20:36,033
They are the three stooges.

434
00:20:36,035 --> 00:20:37,868
Hey, come on, ALF.
Have some fun. Grab.

435
00:20:37,870 --> 00:20:40,605
No, don't do it! It's a trap!

436
00:20:40,607 --> 00:20:42,673
No, it's not. Here.

437
00:20:42,675 --> 00:20:44,842
- Throw some popcorn around.
- Yeah.

438
00:20:44,844 --> 00:20:47,612
To-toss it
anywhere you want, ALF.

439
00:20:47,614 --> 00:20:51,115
This is too good to be true.
I've got to go for this one.

440
00:20:59,225 --> 00:21:02,893
Hey, hey, hey! I'm on a roll!
Bring me some dishes!

441
00:21:02,895 --> 00:21:04,762
You'll be sorry!

442
00:21:04,764 --> 00:21:08,766
Don't listen to him. Here.
Give it a heave.

443
00:21:08,768 --> 00:21:12,136
How many points for hitting
that picture of Kate's mother?

444
00:21:12,939 --> 00:21:14,138
A hundred.

445
00:21:14,140 --> 00:21:15,539
Willie!

446
00:21:18,077 --> 00:21:20,544
[shattering]

447
00:21:20,546 --> 00:21:24,548
More plates!
That picture taunts me still.

448
00:21:24,550 --> 00:21:25,650
We're out of plates!

449
00:21:25,652 --> 00:21:27,418
Break something else, ALF.

450
00:21:27,420 --> 00:21:28,753
But like what?

451
00:21:28,755 --> 00:21:31,989
How about something small,
wooden and obnoxious?

452
00:21:31,991 --> 00:21:34,659
Leave Kate's meat loaf
out of this.

453
00:21:37,096 --> 00:21:39,297
He was talking about you.

454
00:21:39,299 --> 00:21:43,000
And he's right!
You are obnoxious.

455
00:21:43,002 --> 00:21:46,771
Yeah? Well, you're
a mama's alien.

456
00:21:46,773 --> 00:21:49,840
Paul, you said
you were my friend.

457
00:21:49,842 --> 00:21:52,109
I lied!

458
00:21:52,111 --> 00:21:53,911
Think about it, ALF.

459
00:21:53,913 --> 00:21:56,180
Do you really need
a friend like Paul?

460
00:21:57,450 --> 00:21:59,950
He's right.
I don't need you.

461
00:21:59,952 --> 00:22:01,986
- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah!

462
00:22:01,988 --> 00:22:03,487
- Yeah?
- Yeah!

463
00:22:03,489 --> 00:22:05,423
Say goodbye, dummy.

464
00:22:05,425 --> 00:22:08,125
Goodbye, dummy.

465
00:22:08,127 --> 00:22:09,794
[thud]

466
00:22:09,796 --> 00:22:11,128
Ooh!

467
00:22:11,130 --> 00:22:13,864
You shouldn't have bonked
the guest.

468
00:22:15,535 --> 00:22:17,835
How are you feeling, ALF?

469
00:22:17,837 --> 00:22:21,272
Great! I'm on
a house-wrecking high!

470
00:22:22,208 --> 00:22:23,374
He means how-how do you feel

471
00:22:23,376 --> 00:22:25,876
about...Paul?

472
00:22:26,612 --> 00:22:28,679
Oh. Well..

473
00:22:28,681 --> 00:22:30,815
I guess I'll miss him.

474
00:22:30,817 --> 00:22:33,250
But I'll get over it.

475
00:22:34,020 --> 00:22:35,052
I'm over it.

476
00:22:35,054 --> 00:22:36,087
[Kate sighs]

477
00:22:37,190 --> 00:22:39,156
You're gonna be alright.

478
00:22:39,158 --> 00:22:41,058
And to prove it
I'm gonna send you a bill.

479
00:22:41,060 --> 00:22:43,060
[laughs]

480
00:22:43,062 --> 00:22:46,197
ALF, you, you really
feel okay about this?

481
00:22:46,199 --> 00:22:48,165
Yeah, yeah.

482
00:22:48,167 --> 00:22:49,200
I've lost a friend

483
00:22:49,202 --> 00:22:52,636
but I've regained my left hand.

484
00:22:53,339 --> 00:22:56,207
We're so happy to hear it.

485
00:22:57,143 --> 00:22:59,243
Now, if memory serves..

486
00:22:59,245 --> 00:23:02,313
...we were chucking plates
at grandma.

487
00:23:06,652 --> 00:23:07,685
[instrumental music]

488
00:23:07,687 --> 00:23:08,686
Morning, ALF.

489
00:23:08,688 --> 00:23:11,355
Hi, Lynn.

490
00:23:11,357 --> 00:23:12,590
(Paul)
Hi, Lynn.

491
00:23:14,560 --> 00:23:17,361
Don't do that.

492
00:23:17,363 --> 00:23:19,864
Boy! Nobody likes that joke.

493
00:23:19,866 --> 00:23:22,366
Willie and Kate
almost fell out of bed.

494
00:23:22,368 --> 00:23:24,902
Brian threw a Gobot at me.

495
00:23:24,904 --> 00:23:27,872
Well, we're all just glad
Paul's gone.

496
00:23:27,874 --> 00:23:30,608
- He is gone, isn't he?
- Yeah.

497
00:23:30,610 --> 00:23:32,042
In fact, last night

498
00:23:32,044 --> 00:23:35,079
I gave him
a traditional Melmacian funeral.

499
00:23:35,081 --> 00:23:37,548
I laid him to rest
in the same way

500
00:23:37,550 --> 00:23:40,117
I hope to be someday.

501
00:23:40,119 --> 00:23:41,118
Where is he?

502
00:23:41,120 --> 00:23:43,754
In the freezer,
next to the fish sticks.

503
00:23:50,263 --> 00:23:51,295
[instrumental music]

504
00:23:53,132 --> 00:23:55,132
[theme music]

505
00:24:20,593 --> 00:24:23,828
[ALF laughing]