I had known Betty for a week.
We made love every night.
The forecast was for storms.
Saved!
Now for a nice little shower!
First time we've met in daylight.
You're much too early!
So what? How do I look?
What do you think?
Do I please you?
Eating all that chilli by yourself?
In this heat? You're mad.
I'll eat chilli no matter how hot it is, Betty.
Me too, I'm starving!
Glad to see me?
No.
They're all bastards!
Who?
Forget it. Kiss me!
All bastards!
No wonder a girl ends up splitting!
Wait, explain, I don't get you.
Why don't you ever listen to me?
I do listen! I'm listening!
I expect more from a guy than sex!
To think I spent a year in that dump
wiping tables and dodging drunks
just to get felt up one morning by the boss!
I've got to start all over again now!
I split. Anyway, I was fired.
Can't even buy a train ticket.
She was a flower with psychic antennae and a tinsel heart.
Not many girls could dress as casually as she did.
I saw that girl again yesterday.
It's not right in this fucking heat.
I think she was looking for you.
Was it you Zorg?
A girl in a little apron, with black hair.
A girl something like that?
Jesus fucking Christ!
Yes, old George, she was looking for me.
I've changed my mind, I'm coming too.
You've torn a page out of Playboy.
- What do you think? - She's a bit common.
That reassures me.
Hold on... Hold on a second!
Down in one.
Down in one...
I can't get up! We drank too much.
I need to take a piss.
Don't press on my bladder.
I'm happy being with you.
I'd like to stay with you if I can.
Well, I think you can.
I've got no wife, no kids.
We've got a nice pad.
I have an OK job. I do repairs.
I'm confident... We're still young.
I didn't want explanations.
I only wanted to kiss her and caress her ass
as long as her bladder held out.
Who is that guy? Wake up!
Who is he? Make yourself at home!
Wait, I'll be right back.
How are you? Excuse me, you're sitting on my trousers.
I don't wear underwear either. It's uncomfortable.
I'll get you some coffee.
I have to make it first.
I'll do it. You get dressed.
Is it because of that girl that you're still in the sack at 10 a.m.?
Ten o'clock already?
You're fantastic. It's 11 o'clock!
She mustn't make you forget, see?
She mustn't make you forget
why you're here, why I house you and why I pay you.
I'll boil some water.
Shit!
This isn't her fault at all, honestly.
Coffee keeps its flavour better in the fridge.
Yes, it is better.
Fancy a snort?
No, thanks very much.
Always moisten the grounds first.
All I have to do is to run an ad
to get loads of guys for your job, but I want to be fair.
I've had you a long time and you're OK.
But I don't think you can keep that girl here and do your job right.
Know what I mean?
See how it swells up?
George told you about her?
You let everyone see!
He could've told you how much she does here.
The housework, shopping, everything! That counts for a lot!
Saves me lots of time!
What's more, she does it for free.
So you want me to just forget it.
I did oversleep today, but I'll make up for it.
Especially after coffee!
Tell me when.
Slap some paint on all these shacks.
They look like hell.
They sure would look better.
There may be a way...
Can you and your girl do it?
That'd take a whole crew of painters.
We'd still be at it in the year 2000!
When you're in love, what's time? And don't you two form a crew?
OK, but how will you pay her?
You're crazy! You just asked me to forget I saw her!
How can I make ends meet if I pay her?
Just do it at your own pace.
Get to work! I'll order the paint from old George.
Don't worry, just plug away.
And don't forget to moisten the grounds!
Who was that fat slob?
The owner.
What did he want?
Nothing, he just wants us to do a little paint job.
Terrific! I love to paint!
500 bungalows. 500 fronts.
1,500 sides. Thousands of shutters!
Just a little paint job!
Are you two going to repaint all these shacks?
Should repaint the people too!
Now shut your big mouth, George!
Hell, are you mad at me?
How did you guess?
Don't talk about it in front of Betty. Go play your sax.
I just told those nice folks we'd paint their house.
What shall I paint?
The shutters, and I'll do the rest.
- What's bugging you? - Nothing.
The winner helps the other.
Ready!
I hope she doesn't fall!
She won't. She's young!
I Win!
I'll help you now.
OK, go ahead.
What a drag!
Shit!
You goofed!
What's wrong?
My fault. I forgot to tell you not to go past the corner.
The brush is too big.
Now it looks as if that side is started.
But who cares?
"Who cares?"
You're not going to paint just one side, are you?
You want to do the whole shack for them!
You really are a champion house painter!
What do you expect?
Go on, I'll hold the bucket.
Fallen asleep again?
Sleepy warm slug...
Ready?
Smile! Hold the roller higher!
It's terrific!
- I look awful! - What are you mad about?
We're fed up with painting. Just one more!
Stop, we've already got 50, Betty.
Let's have a beer.
That fat slob again!
You sure are working hard!
What do you expect?
You're fantastic! We'll see if you can keep up the pace.
What did he just say?
He didn't say anything.
What do you mean, "the pace"?
Don't worry, my dear young lady,
I'm not asking you to do it non-stop, I'm not a monster!
Just keep fanning yourself. Suits you nicely!
To do what non-stop?
All the bungalows.
He's kidding!
Do I act like it?
I'll think it over!
Betty! Stop!
You're insane!
I don't mind painting your crate!
Makes it look more sporty!
But I won't paint your shacks!
She's insane!
One wipe and it'll be like new.
Got to forgive her, she's having her period.
I'm sure she's sorry.
I'll even paint the light poles for you.
No, the light company does that, you jerk!
Hi! It's me!
What did you tell that asshole?
Look, he wouldn't let you stay unless you worked.
It's murder to paint all those shacks.
In a way, yes.
"In a way"! Shit, they're all bastards!
We should out all their throats!
- How would that help? - Have you no pride?
I'll paint the whole town pink just to stay with you, kitten!
You're nuts! Look what shit we're in with that asshole!
You let him screw you and for what? Tell me!
We're all in the same boat.
Stop talking bullshit!
How can I love you if I can't admire you?
We're only learning how to die here!
See the wind outside, blowing bits of newspapers by?
Papers from the North one day, from the South the next,
always the same bullshit and we're in between!
Now look, we've got a nice pad to screw in,
so it's you who's nuts!
You nerd! Something's always wrong with you guys! Shit!
You're a dumb bitch!
Always something wrong with a guy!
It's dark in here, it stinks, it's ugly!
I'm fed up! Can't breathe in here!
I'm going to fix your house up good so I can breathe.
Look at all this shit!
I'll fucking show you!
Not that one, Betty!
Why is it so special?
Sentimental attachment.
What's all that?
Hitler's memoirs. Give me that box. Please!
Did you write this?
Yeah. Ages ago.
You wrote that many pages?
Yeah, but it's nothing, just crap!
About what?
Just stuff... I'd almost forgotten.
No one forgets stuff like that!
Won't you come to bed now?
You can't start reading that now!
You'll see if I can't!
The numbers on the covers show the order?
That's right.
Betty was the first one to read it...
quiet at last...
At 30, you begin to know what life's about,
and you enjoy a break.
Want some coffee?
One lump or two?
Two lumps then.
I'm going to work now.
Do you like it?
Oh it's you! What'll you be painting next?
The Sistine Chapel!
Actually working! Will you do the insides afterwards?
Yeah, cover up your furniture!
I'll start now. Come and see my girls afterwards.
Is that you making all that racket?
Just squashing a mosquito.
Quit fooling around, it's too early for mosquitoes.
Look, you can see it squirming in a puddle of blood.
Looks like the sun has got to you.
I felt tired earlier but now I'm 100% again.
Look at my little girl. Isn't she cute?
That's your little girl? She's no spring chicken!
What do you expect?
What's this? Is it my birthday?
No, baby, just dinner for two.
- What is it? - Mussels.
I'll pour your wine.
Some spread!
I'm dreaming!
Taste it!
Like it?
I know that smell.
Turkey with chestnuts. Do you like that?
Love it. Ideal in this season,
What's the occasion?
Wait, let me look at you.
When I think you wrote that!
I've never read anything like it.
You don't realise.
Now I see why you came to this hole. To write that.
To think you paint shacks drives me crazy!
This world wasn't exactly made for me.
We'll see about that. Kiss me.
I hadn't come to that hole to write.
It was later that I started writing, so I could feel alive.
Mornings you start at 11 and now afternoons at 4!
It's too hot! But I work till dark, lots of hours!
That's the end of that!
Who are you to talk to him like that?
I'm not talking to you!
Guess who you are talking to?
The greatest writer alive, fat ass!
Doesn't show on his face! And she hasn't even got panties on!
Take a good look, schmuck!
Shut up, you! Now get your eyes full!
She's a real hellcat!
Not hurt, are you?
You asshole! Now get rid of that girl.
I don't ever want to see her again.
I think I'll go to work now.
Hey, Betty, I'm going to work.
She's in a real frenzy!
She loves housework!
There goes the casserole!
The ironing board!
The record player!
My Gershwin record!
Frankly...
I wouldn't want a housekeeper like her.
I don't blame you.
She's almost through.
Your pad will look very Zen now!
OK. Are you coming?
You're insane!
What? I can't hear!
I love you! I love you!
Once more!
I love you! I love you!
I love him!
We could've taken the train.
This is adventure.
Who is she?
My best friend. We can stay with her. She's a widow.
What if she's not home?
We'll visit Montmartre!
Isn't it great? The Marne.
All the rooms have a river view, with the barges and the ducks.
Rusty!
Hey, the tap's leaking!
Everything's going to pot since Frank died. Honestly!
Hey, you've chosen number 13.
It's no 5-star hotel, no doubt about that.
The room's been free a week and the rest of the place six months.
I live just downstairs. Well, how does it grab you?
Can we rent it?
Rent it? Of course you can. I'd rather have tenants like you.
Number 13. Just think, our luck's in.
- There's a double bed too. - A double bed! Great!
The base needs changing.
It's good to see you. I feel a bit lonely at times.
Don't worry. Come on, we'll look after you.
Me? There? With you?
All three of us? With you? Now?
Want a cuddle? A little cuddle? Watch out...
Kisses... Me too... I want one too!
We'll get out of your hair soon.
You can stay as long as you like. I'm glad you're around, you know.
You know that.
Tell me, haven't you got a man right now?
Some days I do, some days I don't. Like everybody, nothing serious.
I've got my dog.
Wait... Wait... There!
Fetch! You should find someone anyway.
I'd love to. But you know men. With my looks, it's not that easy.
Hey, Rusty! Look!
The one who gets through my door will have to be a real wonder.
Well, have you got your bearings?
And the rent?
Could you do odd jobs there in exchange for rent?
You bet! I'm a plumber!
A plumber? Great! My toilet's broken!
I'll buy the stuff!
No, I'll swipe it from a building site!
What are you doing?
Not even a masterpiece gets read unless it's typed.
- Can you type? - Of course.
You plan to type all that?
Good luck, sweetie!
- How far are you? - On page 1.
Go away, you confuse me!
A little drop of cold water...
Shit, the tap's leaking.
Lisa's out again tonight.
Still like it as much?
Don't you worry.
I may never get published, Betty.
Are you kidding?
It's a strange world, baby.
Won't you eat now?
I've boiled some eggs for you.
I don't have time.
Why stare at me so?
I think you're beautiful.
Then come and kiss me.
What are you doing?
Repairing the tap. It leaks.
Aren't you cold?
I'm not very warm.
How's Betty doing?
She's progressing.
And you?
Your eyes are shining.
Oh, Zorg. I just got laid!
Really laid!
Don't laugh!
Who is he?
You'll meet him!
Time for bed.
For me too.
Smell anything burning?
No, Why?
Rusty, come on!
Zorg, come here!
Guess what I'm typing?
"THE END"
No, really?
You've got me all wrong.
You're a writer, not a plumber! What did I type? A novel!
Don't be so dumb!
Play the races if you like, I don't care, but stop being a plumber, OK?
See this list? All the publishers in this dumb town!
All of them!
I think I'll go buy a racing mag.
What'll it be?
- Tequila. - We don't have that.
Pernod then.
Make it a triple.
Hey, are we on the banks of the Marne here?
How many rooms? 13?
13 rooms on the banks of the Marne can bring in cash. Honestly.
Just bend down to pick it up. That's why I'm a hunchback. Here.
- You're no hunchback. - I am.
You're no hunchback, you're handsome.
Come on, drink up, it's chianti.
And there's Parma ham, mortadella and home-made pété.
And Smyrna olives... Smyrna olives.
Is this a turbo?
No, it's a UFO.
- Is it yours? - No.
Costs a lot!
It's got ABS...
Great brakes!
And it can do 150 mph!
My dad has one!
Your dad has an old crate, and it's green!
There's Zorg!
- And the racing mag? - Sold out.
Lovejoy, Baby Shark and Eat-Your-Soup in the lead!
Lovejoy out!
You're Zorg?
Eddy Sayolle.
Is he your wonder boy?
Is that your UFO outside?
You bet! Beautiful, isn't she?
Some kids are taking her apart.
Better just give 'em the keys!
You're kidding!
How about a ride on the motorway! 150!
No, we have to mail the manuscripts.
The ass she's got!
Be good!
I've got a better idea.
Tequila rapido!
You take a towel and a glass,
and tequila and Schweppes.
Wait! Say a prayer!
They'll print it, Betty!
Off it goes!
So you write books!
Do you make any bread doing that?
Sometimes!
You've got it made! A soft job behind a desk.
You write, then go get the cash!
And what is your... branch?
Historical novels!
Is that joint yours?
Yes...
Pizza Stromboli!
Eddy's Pizza Parlor!
I forget what kind of books you write!
Science fiction!
Shit!
What's wrong?
Nothing but rubbish in the post.
It's only been four days. Four days is nothing, OK?
Let's have a cuddle.
Yeah, let's have a cuddle. Where? Down here?
- Upstairs. - Behind the bar.
- Upstairs! - It's depressing up there.
It's always the same each time.
Do you at least trust me?
Betty, come and see!
What's going on?
We're sinking into debauchery!
Fantastic!
Don't mess up my stuff!
He's moving in, OK?
Don't touch!
Do they make 'em for men too?
Try one on!
It's the only thing I feel good in.
100% silk! There's a red one too!
Feels sexy!
Open the bottles!
No mail on Sunday.
Have some coffee...
and a croissant.
That's the way things go?
I've got a job for you two.
Like what?
"Like What"! A job!
Where's my Milanese?
Don't forget those aperitifs on the terrace.
Did you get N3?
This... is yours.
Is it always like this?
- And 9? - Where is 9?
Between 8 and 10 usually. Good night!
Those drinks!
Doing OK, Betty?
- Did you get 9? - Where is 9?
The fat lady!
May we order? Really!
Where are the toilets?
Give me a Neapolitan, no anchovies.
No, hold on... I don't know what to choose.
Have the most expensive one. It must be the best.
A Margarita. I'll have a Margarita.
Are there anchovies in the Margarita?
- Sorry? - No! There are no anchovies!
A Margarita with anchovies then. Can I have ham too?
There's ham in it.
Where does it say that?
It's not written in the stars.
Honestly, it's really small print.
Get yourself some acoustic spectacles!
She's totally crazy! She almost tore my head off.
Calm down. Have you considered my offer yet, Marie?
Come on, smile!
I've had it!
That bitch at No 5! I'll hit her pretty soon!
I'll handle her!
Is there some problem?
Is that girl an idiot or what?
I said pizza with anchovies, not ham!
Try some pimento sauce on it.
No, now give me what I ordered!
Mine is great! No problem!
What do you need?
Do you know nouvelle cuisine?
That's just crap!
Wait till you see my repel cuisine! Watch!
You pick out the worst garbage you can find,
stinky junk, bits of sweaty sausage,
a little tomato, nice, fresh spaghetti,
an old cheese rind, lettuce that's good and rotten,
one olive,
and there you are!
Now add a little sunshine!
I forgot the best part!
- Oh shit! - You said it!
How's your pizza?
Hot!
It's you that's hot!
You're turning me on!
Look out for your blouse!
Doesn't matter.
- What's wrong? - I'm tired.
I'm OK, just tired.
Goodbye and thank you!
A madhouse.
What kind of books do you write?
Detective novels.
- Any answer yet? - Not yet.
Shut up!
You're insane! Call the manager!
What's wrong?
The service was rotten all evening!
And now this little fool won't get my coat!
I'll pay their bill!
Keep out of this! Go back to your dishes!
You're crazy!
Insane! You should have her locked up!
Throw them out, Eddy!
What's the matter?
Nothing, she'll be OK.
Shit, tell me what happened!
Leave me alone with her.
Put water on her face.
I'll get some.
Beat it, Eddy! Shit!
I'm here now, sweetheart.
It's over now.
Is she sleeping?
Of course she's sleeping.
What was it? Is she sick?
Look, don't you ever get mad?
Mad, yes, but that scared me!
Now don't say it was nothing.
She almost killed that woman!
Bullshit!
With your royalties...
Shit, stop bugging me about "my books"!
I've only written one in all my life!
And I doubt I could write another one! "Royalties"!
I thought...
You thought what?
She told you that?
She found a manuscript and thinks I'm a genius.
Keeps waiting for publishers to reply.
That drives her nuts.
She may be right.
About what?
That you're a genius.
You bet! Read this, toots!
"United Books."
"Sorry no. Amusing, but your style is unbearable."
"You deliberately wrote a non-book..."
Who is this queer?
Hide that quick!
How are you today?
What's wrong with him?
Something he can't swallow.
I see. Well, I feel great!
Any mail yet?
I didn't look.
Betty was a wild horse that had cut her hamstrings
jumping over a wall and was trying to get up.
What she thought was a meadow was a gloomy pen.
She couldn't bear immobility. She was not made for that.
"I've read everything, but nothing like what you had the poor taste to send us."
"Your writing shows all the signs of AIDS."
"I return this nauseating flower you call a novel."
"Rely on me for publicity."
"Leave that thing where it belongs..."
"in the quagmire of your brain."
"Sincerely yours, Thomas Colas."
That's just part of the game.
We're bound to run into morons.
It won't kill us.
It's not important, my love.
OK, it's not important.
I'm going to a doctor.
Anything wrong?
No, just to see if my IUD is OK. Coming with me?
I'll put some make-up on first.
I love to look at old magazines, it's reassuring.
I look silly, give me my jacket!
But I look good in it!
Is this it? There's no plaque!
Stop it, he's not deaf!
My wife has an appointment.
Did you write this?
You recognise this, don't you?
Who signed this?
Shitty asshole publisher!
Yes, I'm mad as hell!
I'll clean it all up.
You shithead!
Tell him what you think!
I don't give a damn about his letter!
In your writing as well as your speech,
you show no notion of good taste!
And you think you do!
Get out! This is my home!
Stop making a scene!
You're mad!
She's insane!
Quick, Betty. Hurry up.
You're totally nuts!
Why do you always give in?
Forget assholes like him.
- Jesus, nothing ever touches you. - That's not true.
Well prove it then.
Pharistopoli has the world's best olives.
The best you'll find anywhere on the market.
- No, thank you, I don't drink. - It's only cactus juice.
Just for you then. My wife doesn't like my drinking.
Where's that from?
Black olives, wrinkled ones, are the best.
There are two kinds: The big wrinkled one is a Syrian olive.
Good for pizzas.
No, for pizzas, you're better off with that one.
It's stuffed with pepper so maybe it's not the best choice.
The green one is pitted. That's interesting.
Pitted ones don't interest me. That one does.
That one's for you, Eddy.
Try the Rose of Cairo.
One more for Mr Pharistopholi.
Pharistopoli, not pholi. Pharistopoli.
Here you go. Bottoms up.
Will you have another?
It's not bad.
I'll take...
- How much? - Normally, they're 350 a kilo.
- What? 350 a kilo? - Yes, it's a fair price.
Take one, Zorg. Make him a tequila rapido.
No, really, I don't drink.
Excuse me. You have the six varieties here.
Eight varieties in two halves, times two makes 16.
Two times 8, 16.
Each of the 16 varieties for 350 a kilo.
Honestly.
I'll have that one.
You spat on my nose.
I'll try the Purple Rose now.
The black one... The black one's the best.
You haven't tried this one, the Tequila... No, that's not it.
What am I talking about? I can't remember what it is.
It's an olive.
I know that, I'm an olive salesman.
How about it, Zorg? Let's take... Let's take them all.
- You can't have the case. - I'll pay for it.
You put on a real show for that olive seller.
Hey! Cut it out! It's brand new. Those things stain leather!
Shit, out it out!
Great, right in the eye. Shit!
Take it easy, Eddy.
There you go, sir. Just look at my wheels...
Quit messing around.
What's wrong with her?
I can explain everything.
It's not really her fault. It's mine in fact.
In away...
Don't tire yourself. I've heard that tune 100 times.
I noted down the charges and spoke to your friend.
Quite a pretty girl, but a bit uptight.
She's not always like that. How can I put this?
She has fits, every month. It's hard for men to understand.
Don't push it too far.
No, of course not.
So you write novels, do you?
Yes, or rather I'm trying to get published. It's not easy.
They're all fucking assholes in those publishing houses.
I should know.
Stay there. I want to show you something.
What do you think this is?
A manuscript.
Exactly!
I'm getting to like you.
You won't believe me but I've had 27 refusals on this.
27?
27. They're first-class assholes.
27 refusals. That's quite a lot.
When I think of all the years that I've put into that book.
All the best cases, the toughest ones are in there.
It's real dynamite.
Believe me, it hurts.
It hurts a lot. Trust me.
I trust you.
There are some dumb cops whose shitty memoirs sell millions.
So why are the publishers all against me?
Don't even try to understand them.
Publishers are all fucking assholes.
Feel like a drink, old fellow?
You bet I do.
To future success! Don't let them get you down!
When I think of those assholes ruining a year's work in five minutes.
I can't say your friend's right,
but there again she's not wrong.
A good cop story full of sex!
That's the best kind.
When that asshole called, I thought: He'll pay for the rest.
I was glad. I had a drink to celebrate.
She only scratched him. He's making a mountain of a molehill.
Eight stitches. I'd have demolished him.
Do they think they rule the world? Fancy one for the road?
Your book's sitting here nice and warm.
Like a plane ready to take off.
Believe you me, it'll be published.
I don't think so.
It will, I'm sure.
What about Betty? Can we drop the whole thing?
Goddammit! I could leave this shitty office.
Can I go and get her?
Shit, you just don't understand.
Can't you see she did all this for guys like you and me?
I know, but there are the fucking charges.
Come on, you're a policeman. There must be some way out of it.
It's not easy. There are records.
OK, I get it.
No, hold on.
There may be a way.
Go on then, confess.
The guy would have to decide not to press charges.
It's that simple.
Who is it?
It's for The Book Show.
Right!
Fancy a drink, sweetie-pie? You're a bit pale.
Martini...
Here.
Nice place you've got here.
I'm not mad about the book. It's not your fault.
I didn't particularly write it for you.
So we'll just leave it there. It's one big misunderstanding.
That girl is the only good thing in my life.
Apart from her, there's nothing.
So you're not going to press charges.
Remember just one thing: I've nothing to lose, nothing.
Go on.
You got the wrong number. It's the speaking clock.
There. Drink up, kiddies. Drink up.
Give me your glass. Drink up.
- What's the toast to? - Friday!
Life is fucking great!
I don't know why but I feel great tonight.
It's family. Honestly, it's family.
You can laugh but it's a real gut feeling.
Just looking at you here warms my heart.
Look, my quiff's a mess, my heart's so warm.
Big kisses to you all.
Here's a kiss for you.
And you too, sweetheart.
Kiss your hero, he deserves it.
Break! Break!
I've an idea.
Come here, I'm all alone!
I'm coming, baby!
It's dy... It's na... It's mite... It's dynamite!
The sauce!
I would've loved to be a rocker!
Shit, he's a real rocker!
Come and help me.
I'm not making it with cheap wine but with champagne!
Pizza Stromboli!
What's wrong, Eddy?
My mother's dead.
My mother's dead!
I feel awful!
Is this your only black tie?
I have to be there.
For the funeral.
You should get a little rest now, darling.
I have to dress.
Give me my jacket.
No, sleep, and I'll call you a cab later.
560 miles. If I leave now, I'll make it.
You're nuts, you'll never make it in one piece!
We won't let you go alone.
You don't realise! My mother's dead!
Help him.
It's not funny.
Cut it out, it's not funny!
Hold on, it's just there.
There it is. See the shop over there?
There. Drive across the square.
Drive, goddammit!
There! Just there!
- Are you... - So, she sold pianos.
Did she sell a lot?
That's not nice.
Well, are we going in?
It's all right.
What's all that noise? It's not Christian!
It's OK. Forget it.
Your poor mother's upstairs!
It's Christian enough. They're my friends.
I didn't know you could play.
I can't. Just two or three things.
You're a funny girl.
I waited ages for a meaning in life.
You're the best thing that ever happened to me.
You're only saying that because you're tired.
If I'd written that book, I'd have a meaning in life.
It's only bringing us trouble.
It's not because you wrote it. You are a writer!
Then why can't I write any more now?
Because you're a prize dumbbell.
Thank you.
You look tired.
I'm OK.
Did you see all those stars?
What's wrong?
Nothing, I'm fine.
You're feverish.
Where are you? Stay.
I'm here. What's wrong?
I won't leave you. Do you want a cigarette?
No, everything's fine, just fine.
Have you seen all those stars out there?
It's because it's a clear night.
Pass me the Nuoc Mam.
The what?
The sauce, Nuoc Mam. N.U.O.C.M.A.M.
None left.
At least it was a nice day.
Sometimes I wish I were a dog.
A life isn't much.
Just four photos.
Like it here?
It's different!
I want to make you and Betty an offer.
Stay here and run the piano store.
See? I'm psychic!
Shall I go ask Betty?
Tell me, do you like the idea?
Yes I do.
Fantastic!
Just one thing...
Take her flowers now and then.
- Who? - My mother.
He sure gave us a nice present!
No, I just can't do it!
Sleep in a dead woman's bed!
I know it's no fun, but just don't think about it.
No, I refuse!
Shit!
I don't believe it.
Do you know how late it is?
We'll just use this foldaway.
Let me, it's a man's job!
Stupid thing!
You said it was a man's job!
What is this?
Can't you do it, man?
Shitty thing!
Calm down. Use the pedal!
The pedal is stuck, Betty!
I'll go get the tools then!
Hell, not at this time of night!
I didn't do it on purpose!
Let's stop, it'll only get worse.
It's safer.
"Sleep Away the Foldaway Way!"
What are you up to?
It gives off bad vibes. You don't feel them of course!
The bad vibes are gone now!
I liked that place.
Sunny weather, sunny people.
As if they'd all had their motors tuned.
I hope I'm not disturbing you.
Is that your mattress near the dustbin?
Yes. What's wrong?
Well, we don't handle stuff like that.
We want nothing to do with it.
What can I do? Cut it up and eat a piece every morning?
I don't know.
- Is it your mattress? - Yes, it is, in a way...
Is he pissing you off?
Well, is he?
Is the fucking mattress his?
For pity's sake, Bobby...
Bastard!
Don't get carried away.
Filth! Filth!
Bastard!
One day he threw one like that in the back of the truck.
It took his hand off.
Now, he can't stand mattresses.
All right, Bobby. It's time we were going.
Will he be OK?
Have you got a smoke?
A smoke? Sure.
- They're homos' cigarettes. - Sure.
See you round.
Shit, you've been working hard.
I've cleaned the whole house.
The old woman died a second time. What were you up to?
Looking around town.
It's a pretty big place. I guess we'll need a car.
Sure, we'll need money too.
- Present for you. - Buttered?
Of course. And that costs money too.
Breakfast time. The bar's open.
The dairyman next door is an albino... and a redhead.
Yeah?
A redhead albino in a white coat, with a bottle of milk in each hand.
Can you imagine that?
It would give me the creeps.
It would give you the creeps. That's exactly how I felt.
Pass the sugar.
Albino... weirdo.
We should do some work around here. It's not exactly modern.
Jesus, some people have got a nerve.
Come and see.
Get a move on.
Look at that!
- What's wrong? - The car on the sidewalk.
He's got a nerve.
You mean he's a fucking bastard. I'll show him...
What a nerve. A yellow one too.
It's a real beauty.
Look at the finish on it.
I bet the dumb jerk left the keys.
Have you gone mad?
Let's go for a drive.
No, you're crazy.
Come down, Betty.
Come on...
What are you doing?
Come on, get in.
You're nuts.
Look at this:
Leather seats, mahogany dashboard, transistor radio...
Hear that hum?
Sure. Look, you're totally nuts.
Don't worry. He has to be a homo to have a car like this.
He may be a homo but you're off the wall.
Calm down.
Stop here.
Right here.
Hold on.
Here. Now.
We've run out of road in any case.
Drive up there.
We're up here for the view, are we?
It's great.
You're crazy. What's got into you?
In a car like this, you might have turned homo.
Guys freak out over a full tank of gas.
Big cars are the last flash of our civilization.
I thought we were broke.
We are now.
I lay this gift at your feet!
You're crazy!
Are you two OK?
We're fine. We've been cleaning and shifting furniture.
That's great.
These naked floorboards are a bit gloomy.
How about blue?
Why?
I think blue's a nice, calm color.
All right, paint them blue.
I've bored you long enough now.
You're not boring me.
Wait, Betty wants...
Oh yes, I almost forgot...
Betty wants to knock out two walls.
Eddy? Can you hear me?
It's nothing, just two thin little walls.
What do you mean "nothing"? You're both nutty.
Wait, imagine that wall
as a barrier between us and a sunny meadow.
Isn't it an insult to let a silly little barrier bug us?
OK, but go easy now.
Don't worry, we're not crazy.
All right, bye!
Do I look like Stallone in Rocky IV, baby?
No, like you writing your book.
I don't see what demolition has to do with writing.
I'm not surprised.
Want to go shopping with me?
Do you want to?
I'll go alone then!
What's up?
I'm warming my ass.
I've bought you some popcorn.
Give me the keys. I'll drive.
Fucking gear-box!
Sure, blame the gear-box.
Try a bit harder, we'll set a new accident record.
I won't get in that goddamn crate again.
You're acting like shit today!
You're out of your mind!
Calm down!
Stop!
Shit, Betty!
Betty, stop!
Betty, stop! Betty!
Betty, stop!
It's finished, Betty.
What's going on here?
Nothing.
She didn't feel well, so I slapped her.
I was afraid she'd have a fit.
I know that's hard to believe.
Why is that hard to believe?
We'd just been jogging.
Does jogging help?
And how is the little lady now?
I told you not to point that at me!
I'm aiming at him, not you!
Put it down!
Look at his shoes!
We saw a guy with green hair one day too.
The world's like that. Don't go by details.
It's only an accident!
If we goof some day, it'll be your fault!
Did you search him? No! You just like to carry a pistol!
Don't get mad! Look at them!
I'd clobber him in a sec!
I've had 40 years' experience!
Then work it out alone, count me out!
Always blowing your top!
Open up!
Cut it out! I'll give you two seconds!
OK, I'll stop!
Next time, you've had it!
Our recruits get good training,
but it wrecks their nerves.
I'm sorry, it's my fault.
Are you just passing through?
No, we run the piano store.
Friends of Eddy's?
You should've said so! We'll drive you back.
Come on, Betty.
What are you doing? Selling a piano today?
Sure, laugh all you like.
Oh, fuck!
Sorry.
Just you wait.
Bob, got a minute?
Sure.
That stuff you use to write on the window... Can I have some?
- Whitening. - Yeah, whitening.
Well, what do you think? Not bad?
Pianos at cost price, once in a lifetime sale.
Rule number one in business: Get yourself noticed.
Rule number two: Have a great catch-line.
Once in a lifetime sale!
Right, I'll go and wash, then get lunch ready.
It already looks better?
Oh no, another two pounds!
Breathe in. A closed piano is a dead piano.
I sell live pianos, guys. Live ones!
Look at all your little teeth sparkling away.
You have to come alive, today of all days.
Do it, for my sake.
I'm sure you'll make a great team.
It's ready! Are you coming up?
Yeah, I'm coming.
I'm counting on you.
And let's not let her distract us today, OK?
See you later.
You know, sweetheart, we could eat in the kitchen.
Diet today.
You're right, it has more flavour.
Coffee?
No, I mustn't overdo it.
I'm on top of the world. We're going to sell out of pianos.
You seem pretty sure of that.
I can't explain why.
I don't want to be negative but it's a nice day for a walk.
We've money for the rest of the month.
It's not the money. I want to check on a theory.
So I'll spend the afternoon at the cash desk.
Fine, I'll go out alone.
Sure, honey, don't fret. The sun's shining just for you.
Shit, the time you waste doing nothing with your life...
They could make a circus act out of this.
A piano-seller who doesn't sell pianos.
The world is fed on anguish and absurdity.
Sweetheart, are you taking to yourself?
Just rambling.
I'm off out. Coming?
No, I can't leave the pianos.
Can you look after the shop while I run for some cigarettes?
Sure, I'll keep an eye on things.
You're an angel.
How's business?
Business is rotten. There's a recession on.
That's true but there's nothing new about that.
Give me a couple of those.
I don't believe it. I only went out for ten minutes!
Enough for a gifted salesgirl. Remember the guy in the beret?
The guy in the beret... Jesus! You can't trust anyone nowadays.
I wasn't the one who sold it.
You were. It was sold thanks to you.
Sure, but it's not the same.
We have to celebrate this. Anything you really want to do?
Have a Chinese dinner.
OK, fine, we'll go for a Chinese dinner.
I'll tan your hide, dammit!
- Hi, Bob! - I'm really fed up!
- What's going on? - He locked himself in the bathroom.
And that window is so high!
Why do we ever have children?
What's wrong?
I'm dizzy, I can't do it!
Let me do it! Come down.
Be careful!
Bob! Hurry, come on!
Come on, yourself! Makes me dizzy!
Archie! Why do you do this?
Your dad's going to wallop you!
He's OK, Bob.
I'll leave you here till you dry!
That's for Pearl Harbor!
Yesterday, he shut himself in the fridge.
Fancied himself an arctic explorer!
You little moron!
Let me offer you a drink.
I insist! You did me a favour!
Darling, what did he do to you?
Ever hear about the three supermarket witches?
A great story! I'll tell you.
Sit down!
Real hungry.
They're so hard they almost hurt.
Touch and you'll see.
Go on, touch.
Feel that?
Awfully hard.
They hurt.
You've got goldfish!
Real goldfish!
How about some Pineau, Zorg?
Got anything to munch with it?
Help yourself in the shop!
Bananas, coconuts, apricots. No, that's all sweet.
I want almonds or peanuts.
Eat my pussy! Eat it!
Hurry!
Excuse me. I'm sorry.
I don't turn you on!
It's not that.
Sometimes I resist my desires in order to feel I'm free.
I'm fed up!
Forget it. Let's go have a drink.
Bob hasn't touched me for a month!
Not since I left the clinic.
Is it normal to have to wait so long?
It'll all work out. I'm sure it will!
Sometimes when we're in bed, he'll...
slip it in from behind...
without caring if I'm asleep or...
Let's have those drinks.
The goldfish love that tune!
That Pineau of theirs is something else.
It's fucking great!
The day we open, we manage to sell a piano.
Some sell pianos, others Pineau.
Isn't it great though?
You're exaggerating.
No I'm not! Don't you think it's great to sell one?
Sure, but you talk about it as if something had happened to us.
It has, we sold a piano.
Mind my apple.
It's going to be a hot night.
The asshole.
I'll be 50 before I see my name in print.
They're all shitheads!
Yeah, your luck's not in right now.
Shall I send the manuscript down to you?
No way! Think of the trouble it would cause!
Send it to the next on the list. The names are in the phone book.
How are the pianos going?
Great. We sold the third yesterday. No sweat.
I have to go, she's coming in. See you, Eddy.
What the hell... Hurry up!
I am hurrying!
Now you strangle me and rape me?
Yeah.
Better rape me first.
All right.
Look.
See the little wall?
The Little Wall of China?
The one that starts at the lake.
And that big rock, see?
- That big thing? - Yeah.
Beautiful.
And isn't that little house nice?
Yes. But what are you driving at?
I love this place!
You're right, it's perfect.
Everything in its place. Fantastic.
It's all for you. All of it!
It starts at the wall and goes beyond the rock.
And the house is in the middle.
And that's not all!
Happy birthday, my love!
20 years old!
Have to eat it now!
Just one more drop.
It can't be.
Look, Betty, don't worry. All the papers are in order.
No, I mean you can't buy a whole piece of land
with its sunlight, its sounds
and all that!
Sure, but that's how it is. Everything you see here is yours.
That sunset hanging in the trees is mine as well?
And the silence and the breeze coming down the hill?
Yes, it's all yours.
The guy must have been crazy to sell all this.
It's the best present I've ever had.
I'm so happy-
Are these lips mine too?
Are those eyes mine too?
They're yours too.
Is that mine too?
All of it!
I dreamed your book was published.
Why don't you think of something else?
Give me a cigarette.
What's this?
Nothing.
Nothing? Are they sleeping pills?
I don't take them often.
Forget it.
Make love to me.
Good and ripe.
What else?
Ham.
Round or square?
Did you hear about the butcher's wife...
and the postman? No shame at all. Two slices?
Four.
Bob, I'm in a hell of jam!
I have a piano and my delivery men didn't show up!
It has to be delivered!
Your brother-in-law's got a truck, hasn't he?
It's too big, it's a logging truck!
I'll manage! I can slew around with the biggest ones.
So no problem!
Annie, come here!
I'll phone him.
Tell him I'll come back later.
OK, I'll do that.
Hi, Annie. OK?
Have things improved with Bob?
A little.
Why?
What's on your mind?
Nothing, and that takes all my strength!
You sure are... a funny guy.
I doubt that.
25 tons! Think it'll do?
Hey, this must be worth plenty!
Must be worth a lot of bread!
Spare me your comments! Know how to work this?
Just press, it's easy!
Shall I press?
That's the oil release! Try the other one!
Now watch!
Got a manual?
Yeah, there's a manual.
What're you up to?
I can't hear!
Come on! Down!
What are you up to?
You jerk! Know what that piano's worth?
You wouldn't tell me!
Fucking hell!
Do you think I've put on weight?
Right now, you look fine to me.
I think my belly's a bit fatter.
What are you talking about?
Call the Countess to tell her we're on our way.
Hurry up!
For Christ's sake!
Zorg, are you coming?
I'm coming!
Did you tie it down?
The lady's waiting!
Let me go.
I have to tell you!
I'm selling a piano! I'm an hour late!
She'll be hopping mad!
I'm coming!
What's that?
Dust from Atlantis?
It's a pregnancy test.
And what does it say?
It says yes!
But how, with your IUD?
Happens sometimes.
It can't be true!
Sit down.
I'll be right back to look after you.
It's great?
What's wrong? You look like a ghost?
We're late as hell!
Never saw so many baby carriages!
We almost made one less!
Not so fast! The truck's brand new.
I'm not going fast! Anyway, it's a turbo!
What? Are you kidding?
I'm only going 25 mph!
25? You're going 50!
50? That's not fast!
Got your license?
I doubt it.
Hi there! Remember me?
Doing 60 with a truck limited to 45 mph
on a road limited to 15-ton vehicles and to 30 mph.
Not bad, not bad.
Your papers... full inspection... the whole lot.
Sorry, I was dreaming!
If you flunk the alcohol test, you'll wake up fast.
I just found out I'm to be a father!
What?
A father!
Got a cigarette?
Sure.
Fathers! Bravest daredevils of all!
You'll see... there's joy... but sorrow too,
Sorrow.
Take a child by the hand.
Lead him into future land.
Give him a confident stride.
Treat a child like a king.
Take a child in your arms.
Protect his childish charms.
A floating island, like a desert island.
Yes, sweetheart.
And you?
Another bottle of champagne and fritters.
- Fritters for two? - Yes, for two.
You'll eat for three.
I'm going for a pee.
Are fathers the daredevils of the modern age?
And did I look like a daredevil?
Excuse me. I've been watching you.
I think I've something that may interest you.
No thanks, I'm fine.
There's a gram there.
Is it good?
I don't use it.
You don't use it?
It's to pay for my holiday.
I'm going surfing.
In Hawaii.
Great waves out there. The wind in your hair...
How much?
1,500.
Are you sure?
I can take it back...
Hey, be reasonable. 200...
That's nothing.
What do you mean? It'll pay for a pair of shorts!
Hold on here.
Well?
Here, mister surfer. Just remember one thing:
White sand, Hawaii, waves, sunshine...
It's beautiful but it's not real.
Blood is still being spilled everywhere.
Why are you saying that? Are you crazy?
Why were all those guys dazzling me with their lights?
You had no lights on.
I really like blue. It's just great.
I had no lights on? Jesus, people can be really mean.
S'funny. Champagne usually wakes me up.
Don't do that to me now! Not tonight!
Thirsty? Want something to drink?
You're no fun.
No fun at all.
Let's play Scrabble! You love that! I'll let you win, OK?
You're no fun to leave me all alone!
Your bag is ugly.
- Who's that kid? - What kid?
Downstairs.
That's Nicolas!
Who is Nicolas?
A young genius, but he hasn't got a piano.
What's this?
Champagne! One bottle apiece.
And ice-cream with passion fruit in it.
That's for you!
We never know.
And they never shrink!
I love you.
What does it feel like?
I don't know. I want another test to be sure.
Do you like the idea?
I don't know.
But I'd say it's not so bad.
As a present to you.
We made love.
I had a dizzy sensation.
While we screwed, her IUD was like a broken door banging in the wind.
PREGNANCY DIAGNOSIS: NEGATIVE.
Mine's got hot pants
and yours is going bananas.
Don't ever say that!
I'm sorry.
Aren't you glad to see Eddy and Lisa?
And Rusty?
Even bald I'd love you!
Life is against me.
If I want anything, it's denied me.
I can't even manage to have a baby.
What's wrong?
Your hair looks fine!
You should swim a bit. The water's just right!
You're insane!
Watch the float and you don't have to worry.
I don't give a fuck.
I don't want to be a nuisance but is Betty all right?
She's lost her color.
She keeps on biting her lips and looking at the stars.
Fuck, you're worse than a fish?
Can't I help you out?
She thought she was pregnant.
Well, it can't work every time. Try again!
I get the feeling that Betty wants something that doesn't exist.
The world's too fucking small for her.
You won't help her like that.
Fuck, Eddy, I've got to save her.
What're you doing?
My Betty... Come back.
It's me.
I hear voices.
No, that's the wind.
Some nut always has a radio on at 3 am, waiting for World War Ill.
I hear the voices in my head!
I'm going insane!
In my head...
It's all over now.
"Whenever Josiane dug her nails into Sylvie's body,"
"kneaded her breasts or greedily tongued her hairy mound"
"she'd think of Roger."
"She wanted him to take her, brutally penetrate her core."
"She'd think of his stiff pole pounding into her gaping pussy."
"Jesus, Jesus, the joy of it!"
I won't try anything.
I don't want to get hurt.
Don't be so uptight.
You've got one hell of a nerve trying this.
I admire you.
I've a Thermos flask if you want. Help yourself.
What's your name?
I just want to know your name. I swear I won't tell anyone.
If you untie me, I can help you.
I could turn a gun on the bastards. I hate this job.
Why won't you tell me your name? Trust me.
Watch out for the fat one, Georges-Alain.
Be careful, he's a real shit.
He'll fire without warning. He's shot passers-by before now.
I'd kill him.
He'll get you.
I'd like to watch you.
Take me hostage. We'll be like Bonnie and Clyde.
You've got it all wrong, shithead.
When your wife has a headache the night you want to screw her,
tell her it's not her head you're after!
You don't know my wife...
What do you mean? She's like any other woman.
They're all the same, all bitches, every last one.
Look, when you bring your pay home at the end of the month,
she doesn't want an Aspirin then.
Take the money.
You fucking bitch!
When I catch up with you, I'll make you suck my dick!
What are you doing here, Betty?
What are you doing? I've been looking all over for you.
Sweetheart...
If I was dead, I'd like people to come to see me.
What are you talking about? Come on.
Want to see what I found this afternoon?
What's it for?
Anything you want, Betty.
An island?
You're crazy...
Put that back. It's not nice.
Put them on.
Put them on, please. Put them on.
If anyone ever asks what I did today,
tell them we were together all day, OK?
Yes. I even screwed a beautiful brunette.
Beautiful...
Really beautiful.
We'll go to the seaside tomorrow.
Is it good?
This was a good idea?
I'll buy you a boat, OK?
Shit, it's been tough enough?
There must be a paradise somewhere for you and me.
Want another ice-cream?
I'll go and get it now or we'll be here ages.
Hey, that girl who was with you has gone off with my little boy.
That girl who was with you. The one in the short dress.
Stop him!
This floor is closed to the public.
I'm sorry, sir.
The store is closed.
What do you mean? It'll only take a minute.
It won't take long! Betty!
This whole floor has been hired.
I'm sorry...
I want a piano. I want a piano for my wife and kid...
I fully understand but right now...
How much?
I don't know. I keep telling you we're closed.
For fuck's sake, that customer is my wife! Where is she?
In the tepee. She doesn't want to be disturbed.
She paid, sir.
Betty, what are you doing in here?
Come and sit down with us.
Who are you?
He's the man of my life.
His mother's been looking for him. We've got to get out of here.
- Come with us. - What's going on?
Come on.
Keep him, his mother's on her way.
Quick, Betty!
I can't... It's no use.
You have to run or they'll part us. We'll never be together again.
They can't part us. We were meant for each other.
Hurry, Betty, hurry.
Don't panic!
- What happened? - Please sit down.
Where's Betty?
Stay here!
Can't be true!
Don't stay here.
Bob, what happened?
She poked an eye out.
That's not possible!
This looks awful, but she'll live.
Go and sit down. I'll go and ask. Just sit down.
Wait for me here.
Well?
She's OK, she's sleeping.
Can I see her, Bob?
Yes, you have to fill in forms for the authorities first.
It's just a formality but it has to be done.
I'll put you through...
He's the one who...
- Are you the husband? - No.
A relative?
No, I'm all the rest.
We live together so I can fill those things out.
Do you have her identity card?
- Where the hell did I put it? - Here.
It's a nice photo?
Her social security number?
I don't know it.
What a pain...
OK, that's fine.
You can go, Bob. I want to see her alone.
- Can you drive back? - Yes.
Excuse me, is this room ten?
The girl who poked her eye out?
She's stable but needs rest.
Can I see her?
I'm afraid not. Visiting hours are over.
Just five minutes.
All right then, but not for long.
No more than five minutes.
Come on.
You can't do anything here.
I want to stay just a bit longer.
She won't wake before noon tomorrow.
She's under sedation.
Come on, let's go.
You can come back tomorrow.
She'll be better.
I've had enough!
Stop bawling your head off. You've no respect for others.
You can talk about respect!
What do you get up to when you deliver to your lonely customers?
- You bastard, you're using me! - Stop busting my balls!
Shithead!
You're totally crazy to get this wound up over nothing.
Nothing? You cheat on me and you call that nothing?
You cheat on me and don't fuck me!
At least fuck me!
You're completely off your rocker.
I've had enough of this row.
This isn't a row. You have to be in love for a row.
Yes, speaking.
What? You've read it?
No, I believe you. I'm just surprised.
It hasn't come yet.
OK, I'll sign every page...
I want 15%.
OK, 10%. I don't give a shit.
No, I can't travel now.
Yes, I'm doing another one.
I can't explain. Just stuff that pops into my mind.
Betty, we did it! The book's going to be published!
What have they done to you?
The dirty bastards!
We're going to make it, my love.
I'm writing another book.
For you.
For you, Betty!
Dedicated to you.
What are you doing here?
What did you do to her?
You're crazy! Get out!
What is all this shit? I want to see her doctor! What is this shit?
Tell me!
Sit down!
I need to talk to you.
She's in a state of shock!
Know what that means?
It is serious.
We can't predict the outcome.
I can't guarantee that she'll ever recover.
Be brave, my boy!
Chemistry has made great strides.
Electrotherapy gets results.
Ignore all those dumb lies! There's no danger!
I'm taking her home!
You're joking! That girl is totally insane!
Shut up, shut up!
It's your medicine that drove her mad!
Your shit's wrecking her mind!
You're making her sick!
I said beat it! Get lost!
I'll slug you!
Forget it!
I keep hearing your voice in the house, Betty.
Worst of all, the silence...
and words that just pop up:
"Can't find the damn sugar!"
"You're kidding."
"That shitty vacuum cleaner!"
"Zorg, are you asleep?"
We're going away together.
Make one last effort.
We were meant for each other.
No one can ever separate us, no one, ever.
Are you writing?
Just thinking.