[theme song]
♪ Ahhh ahh ahh ahhh ♪
♪ Aaah ♪
♪ Whatever happened
to predictability ♪
♪ The milkman
the paper boy ♪
♪ Evenin' TV ♪
♪ When did I get
delivered here ♪
♪ Somebody tell me please ♪
♪ This old world's
confusin' me ♪
♪ Clouds as mean
as you've ever seen ♪
♪ Ain't a bird
who knows your tune ♪
♪ Then a little voice
inside you whispers ♪
♪ Kid don't sell
your dreams so soon ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Everywhere ♪
♪ There's a heart ♪
♪ A hand to hold onto ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Everywhere ♪
♪ There's a face ♪
♪ Of somebody
who needs you ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ When you're lost out there ♪
♪ And you're all alone ♪
♪ A light is waiting
to carry you home ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Do be do ba ba dow ♪♪
[instrumental music]
Let's go, mom,
your bags are in the cab
the meter's running.
[sighs]
The baby's sleeping like a baby.
- Oh, my angels!
- Oh, grandma!
I'm going to miss you.
- Honey, grandma's gotta go.
- So am I, little sweetheart.
- Grandma's really gotta go.
- I'm just gonna miss you so.
Oh, boy, does grandma gotta go.
Oh, you know, Danny, Danny
I don't have to go back home.
- Yay!
Uh, mom, this isn't how
we rehearsed this last night.
Uh...let's take
a little walk, okay?
Now, you know as well
as I do that..
Mom, look..
...it's time to go home.
You've been taking care
of us ever since Pamela died.
Uh, I don't know how
we would have made it through
the past three months
without you.
- Mm. Oh.
- But dad needs you, too.
You remember dad, don't ya?
- Your husband.
- Ha ha.
Kinda balding and glasses
and wears his boxer shorts
up around his neck.
[laughs]
Mom, I've got everything
under control.
Help is moving in today.
Well, if you need me,
I'm on the next plane.
- Ah, thank you, mom.
- Oh.
Mm.
Okay.
- 'Bye, grandma.'
- 'Bye, mom.'
- Bye.
- 'Bye.'
- Oh, my angels.
- Oh, grandma, don't leave.
- I love you.
- Oh, come on.
Goodbye, sweetheart.
- Goodbye, grandma.
- Ha ha ha.
- Bye.
- See you, grandma.
- Bye.
Okay. Are we going
to have fun or what?
H-h-hey, let's see some smiles.
Everything's going
to work out super great.
Your Uncle Jesse's movin' in.
My best friend Joey's moving in.
And you know what,
that means that you two
are gonna to get
to be roommates.
Isn't that exciting?
I can wear all D.J.'s clothes.
Do I have to share
my room with her?
Honey, it's gonna be just
like having a slumber party.
Yeah, with only one guest..
...who never leaves.
Hey, hey, look alive!
Uncle Jesse's here.
- Hey!
- Uncle Jesse!
Alright! Hello!
D.J., how are you doing?
- That tooth come in yet?
- Nah.
It's okay, one less to brush.
- Hey, Jesse.
- Hello!
You missed breakfast.
Where you been?
Man, I'm sorry, last night
after my gig at the Smash Club
I go for a cruise
on my Harley, right?
Next thing I know, I'm in Reno.
It was dark.
Who would've known?
Then I happened to wander into
this show, "Razzle Dazzle '87."
Much better than
"Razzle Dazzle '86", by the way.
And I see this incredible
show girl Vanessa, right?
Our eyes meet.
Ba-boom, this
lightning bolt of passion
shoots across the casino.
Turns out Vanessa's
on her way to the Philippines
to do a Bob Hope special
and is dying for one last night
of good old American--
Food, food, she was
she was hungry, right?
Oh, yeah, she was starvin'.
Only, we never
got a chance to, uh
eat because she had
to turn her feathers in.
Uncle Jesse,
let's play ballerina.
Uncle Jesse doesn't
want to play ballerina.
Yes, he does.
No, he doesn't.
Yes, he does.
No, he doesn't.
Yes, he does.
How do you play ballerina?
Dance!
Okay, that was fun.
Here's more fun. Catch me!
- Pose!
- Pose! Okay.
- Turn around.
- Uh.
- On your tippy toes.
- Tippy toes. Right.
You need practice.
We'll do this every day.
[imitating trumpet fanfare]
Hi, Joey.
Hi, gang.
Ah, Joey, buddy, this is
the best, your movin' in.
Thanks, Danny.
This works out so perfect.
I move into a place
with a washing machine
on the exact day
I run out of clean clothes.
Jesse...long time no see,
now, be honest.
Did you ever think
we'd end up bein' roommates?
- Not once.
- Ha ha ha.
I love this guy.
Danny, there's
no way all my stuff
will fit into a room this tiny.
Joey, this is not a tiny room.
This is a large alcove.
In fact, this is a large alcove
that you're living in for free.
You know, now
that I take a close look at it
it's enormous.
[echoes]
Enormous, 'normous.
[chuckles]
We are gonna
to have so much fun.
Aren't we, kids?
[imitates Popeye's laugh]
[imitates spaceship]
Think we could
catch grandma at the airport?
[instrumental music]
Nice, huh?
Roomy.
Not overly masculine.
Oh, golly, it's swell.
You know what would look great
over here by the window?
Barbie's dream house.
We've got one.
Look, Jesse,
I just want you to know
that having you and Joey here
really means a lot to me.
Just knowing somebody's
here who cares about the girls.
You know, they're
so happy you're here.
Oh! God bless you.
You're hugging me
in a room with pink bunnies.
I'm sorry.
I-I'm an emotional guy.
It's alright.
Okay, let's face it.
I'm a lean, mean,
hugging machine.
Okay...Danny..
...listen, um..
Pam was my big sister
and I loved her very much
and I love your kids
and I'm happy to do what I can.
- Oh.
- Now, you're hugging me again!
Now, listen,
you and me, we'll sit down
we'll set aside
a special time for hugging.
But not now.
Oh, great.
I live in Webster's room.
Rule number one.
Never touch my stuff.
You should be taking notes.
Rule number two.
Never set foot
on my half of the room.
How do I get out of here?
Easy, you jump out the window
and climb down the tree.
I don't think so.
Suit yourself.
I'll find a way out.
Oh!
Huh, huh.
'Huh.'
[grunts]
Oh! Oh!
Stephanie, what are you doing?
Just hanging around.
Come on, honey,
get down from there.
Alright! Limbo!
Dika-laka-puka!
Dika-laka-puka! Rrr!
No way.
This is a nightmare.
Uh, D.J., honey, I told you.
Everything is gonna
work out super great.
I'm sorry. I've got to
get down to the station.
Try to watch
my sports report this afternoon.
Today starts my special
2-part series entitled
"Boxers, highly
skilled athletes
or bullies in shorts?"
Can I have a piggyback ride?
Sure, honey.
Hop on!
- Mm.
- Alright.
Now, the baby's schedule
is on the refrigerator.
You guys can handle
this, can't you?
- Sure!
- We'll take care of the kid.
Told you I'd find a way out.
[instrumental music]
[Michelle crying]
[high-pitch]
Oh, Michelle,
little baby-waby.
'What's the matter?'
Uncle Jesse,
what are we gonna to do?
First, we stop
talking like a munchkin.
[Michelle crying]
Hey, shut up!
Wait. I'll handle this.
I'm a comic,
it's my nonpaying job
to cheer people up.
[imitating Kermit]
Um...hi, Michelle.
It's me, Kermit the frog.
Well, uh, you don't
want to cry, do you?
[crying]
Uh, hi, it's me,
Pee-wee Herman.
Hah hah! Do you want
to go to my playhouse? Hah hah!
[crying]
Wait. She'll love it.
I call it "The Sprinkler."
[crying]
Tough room.
Jesse, what if
she needs to be, uh..
...changed?
Check it out. Go!
We have a winner.
Now what?
Joseph, put yourself
in her place.
What would you want done?
(Joey)
'I've never changed a diaper.'
Me, neither.
At least you touched one.
Alright, look out.
I'll show you how it's done.
Come here, child.
- You believe this guy?
- Hmm.
Alright, make yourself useful.
- Uh!
- I'll take the south end.
Good.
Okay.
- Watch out.
- Okay.
(both)
Step one, step two.
Okay, good, look out!
Okay, okay, okay,
keep her coming.
Showtime!
- Where do we put the baby?
- Where do I put the child?
Uh...the pot! Over here.
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Joey, this is a living thing.
You don't just stick in a pot.
- Use a meat rack.
- Meat rack.
I'm an idiot.
Uh, come on.
- Okay.
- Alright. Good.
- Alright,
- Let's set her down here.
(Jesse)
'There we go.'
Are you going to cook Michelle?
We're changing her diaper.
Oh. Then how do
you roast a turkey?
Steph, Joey and I are busy.
Joey, strip her.
(Jesse)
'Alright, careful, there.
You're in control.'
Alright, slide it off and..
- Ugh!
Uh.
Good thinking, Joey.
Keep it fresh.
Okay, hold her up.
I'll clean her off.
Good idea.
Come on, Michelle.
Alright.
You're missing,
you're missing, you're missing.
Alright, come on,
gently now, gently now, gently.
There we go.
This is great.
We should be mothers.
Oh, yeah.
Alright, let's dry her off.
Okay, fan her.
- Fan her fanny. Fan her fanny.
You know, these babies
have it made.
I would kill
for this kind of service.
Alright, uh, diapers.
- Diapers. Diapers.
- Where are the diapers?
Diapers.
- Diapers.
Diapers..
Hey, superabsorbent.
- Mm.
- Bring it over.
- Okay.
- Alright. Now what?
- Okay, spin her.
- Spin her?
- Spin her. Spin her.
- Spin her.
- I got her.
- Good.
Alright, now, so, we'll wrap
her up in this, come on.
Put her right in here.
- It's too easy.
- Works for me.
And, hey, you spilled
some juice on the counter?
Just wipe it up
with baby tiny bottom!
Not bad.
But next time try these.
Steph, why did you wait
till now to give us the diapers?
Nobody asked me.
[instrumental music]
Hey, guys,
how did it go today wi..
Whoa!
(Danny)
'What happened?'
What's with all
the dirty baby clothes?
[doorbell rings]
I'm sorry, but every
time we fed her
she'd drool
or dribble or spit up.
Your baby's a pig.
Hi, Jesse.
Vanessa!
Have mercy.
I thought
you were supposed to go to
the Philippines with Bob Hope.
Oh, well, I am,
but the airport's fogged in.
So is that offer to stay
with you anytime still good?
Aw, aw,
it's it's more than good.
It's, uh...amazing.
Hi, Uncle Jesse.
Ready for more ballerina?
Uh...we'll play it later, okay?
Okay, it's later.
- Catch me!
- Aah, ha, ha.
- Pose!
- Pose! Alright.
Listen, why don't
you go upstairs
and play ballerina
with your big sister?
I can't. She moved out.
Stephanie, honey,
what do you mean she moved out?
She's gone.
She rolled up
her crepe paper and took off.
- Okay, everybody follow me.
- Come on.
[instrumental music]
You lost my daughter?
I went to work for seven hours
and you lost 33% of my children?
Joey, call the police.
Jesse, start driving
around the neighborhood.
I'm gonna call up
D.J.'s friends.
And I'll go get D.J.
- Stephanie, honey.
- Yes, daddy?
Sweetheart, do you
know where D.J. is?
Uh-huh.
Why didn't you
say something sooner?
Nobody asked me.
[instrumental music]
D.J., can I talk to you?
Kimmy, hang on.
I'm talking to Kimmy Gibbler.
She called me on her
own phone from her own room.
She has three sisters.
D.J., you don't want
to live in the garage.
It's filthy, it's stuffy.
You want some fresh air?
[Danny sighs]
Donna Jo,
I want you back inside
right now, this instant.
Is that okay?
No, thank you, dad.
So, Kimmy, where were we?
Nice job, dad.
Been reading Cosby's book?
Cosby. I'll handle this.
[imitating Cosby]
Hello, there,
small childlike person.
Mm-ha ha ha!
If you move back
into the house
you can have a big,
juicy bowl of Jell-O.
Mm-ha ha ha!
No, Kimmy.
That's not really him.
I'll call you later.
Daddy, the baby's crying.
She's got
that thirsty look in her eyes.
Okay, honey,
I'll be right up.
Joey, would you mind
warming up the bottle? Ahem.
Well, not at all.
Although with this
particular baby
it might be simpler
just to pour the formula
directly into the diaper.
Well, think about it.
Alright, D.J.'s all set and I
got Vanessa's upstairs waiting
so best of luck to both of you.
No, look, Jesse, look,
I got to go check on the baby.
Won't you just stay with D.J.?
Talk to her,
I'll be right back.
You're her uncle.
Try to be parental or somethin'.
Parental? It's cool.
I can be parental.
I got parents.
- Can I help you?
- Yes.
You can move your little bod
back in the house.
Look, D.J.
I don't blame you for
wanting your own room
but you gotta understand this
world is not a perfect place.
Bruce Willis
has a record deal.
Yeah, but, then a Vanessa
shows up at your door
and it all evens out,
you know what I'm sayin'?
- Yeah.
- Good. So you'll move back in?
- Nah.
- Nah. Hmph.
Hmph. Ha, ha. Alright.
(Jesse)
'I'll speak the language
you understand.'
Five bucks if you move back in.
- Fifty.
- Ten.
Forty nine.
A buck?
You went down a buck?
Okay. It's back up to 50.
Alright.
My final offer.
Twenty bucks.
Twenty one.
Vanessa's waiting.
Alright, D.J.'s moving back in.
She is? That's fantastic!
What did you do?
I have a very
special way with kids.
Uh, Jesse, hang on.
Vanessa's not upstairs.
Where's Vanessa?
Well, uh..
She's history.
What the hell did
you do with Vanessa?
I didn't do
anything with her.
I just told her that with three
little girls in the house
I thought it
would be better if she slept
on the couch and she left.
You hate me, don't you?
- D.J.?
- Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Vanessa's gone. The deal's off.
- I want my money back.
- What money?
The money Uncle Jesse
paid me to move back in.
That's your special way
with children
you buy them off?
It works.
Kid, money.
Fine. I have
other sources of income.
I'll go back to my new room
and have a garage sale.
D.J., wait. D.J.!
Here. Take Michelle.
[inhales]
Come with me, honey.
Don't even think about it.
D.J.
Honey, I can't let you
have a garage sale.
What if I give you
10% of the profits?
D.J., come here.
Can't you just try
sharing a room with your sister?
[sighs]
Your mom was always
so good at this stuff.
I'd come home from work
and everything
was always perfect.
[sighs]
D.J., how would mom
have handled this?
She would've caught me
before I moved into the garage.
Mom knew everything
I did before I did it.
[melancholic music]
What is it, honey?
It's just not fair.
First I lose my mom.
Then grandma leaves.
Now I even lose my own room.
Everything keeps disappearing.
I know exactly how you feel.
And I know how much
you girls miss your mother..
...because I miss her, too.
Very much.
But you still got me.
You got me, too.
You got Michelle..
...and you have your
Uncle Jesse and Joey.
D.J., we're still a family.
And now is when we really need
to stick together.
D.J., you and I
we go back a long time.
Ten years.
The ten happiest years
of my life.
So, look, it's up to you.
Either you move back inside
or all five of us are
moving into the garage.
But nothing is going
to break up this team.
I'll move back in.
[chuckles]
I love you, angel.
[laughs]
You, too, little ballerina.
- Hmm.
- Ha ha ha.
Aw.
Hey, Michelle.
Michelle, can
you say, Uncle Jesse?
- Ah-ah!
- That's it!
You said it!
You said Uncle Jesse!
Starting tomorrow,
you use the toilet
just like the rest of us.
Good news, Uncle Jesse.
Our deal's back on.
It's okay.
I'll put it on your tab.
Alright.
Aw! Is this working out
great or what?
These girls are crazy about you.
Oh, sure. I dance around
and give them money.
[Michelle cooing]
Now what's the problem?
Oh, there's no problem.
She's singing.
Michelle loves music.
Music? I'll handle this.
♪ Ooh ♪
♪ Flintstones,
meet the Flintstones ♪
♪ They're a modern
Stone Age family ♪
Everybody sing along.
♪ From the town of Bedrock ♪
♪ They're a page
right out of history ♪
- Let's take a walk.
- Wow.
♪ Let's ride with ♪
♪ The family
down the street ♪
♪ Through the courtesy
of Fred's two feet ♪
♪ When you're
with the Flintstones ♪
Take it down, guys.
♪ We'll have
a yabba-dabba do time ♪
♪ A dabba-do time ♪
♪ We'll have a gay old time ♪♪
Wilma!
[laughing]
[theme music]