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[theme music]

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♪ Ahhh ahh ahh ahhh ♪

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♪ Aaah ♪

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♪ Whatever happened

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to predictability ♪

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♪ The milkman

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the paper boy ♪

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♪ Evenin' TV ♪

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♪ When did I get

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delivered here ♪

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♪ Somebody tell me please ♪

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♪ This old world's

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confusin' me ♪

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♪ Clouds as mean

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as you've ever seen ♪

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♪ Ain't a bird

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who knows your tune ♪

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♪ Then a little voice

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inside you whispers ♪

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♪ Kid don't sell

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your dreams so soon ♪

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♪ Everywhere you look ♪

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♪ Everywhere ♪

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♪ There's a heart ♪

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♪ There's a heart ♪

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♪ A hand to hold onto ♪

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♪ Everywhere you look ♪

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♪ Everywhere ♪

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♪ There's a face ♪

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♪ Of somebody

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who needs you ♪

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♪ Everywhere you look ♪

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♪ When you're

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lost out there ♪

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♪ And you're all alone ♪

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♪ A light is waiting

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to carry you home ♪

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♪ Everywhere you look ♪

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♪ Everywhere you look ♪

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♪ Dooby do ba ba dow ♪♪

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[instrumental music]

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- Alright.

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- And the diaper is on!

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Beautiful! 17 minutes.

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We beat our old record

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by 37 minutes.

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- Baby wipe.

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- Baby wipe.

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Ohh..

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- Whup!

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- Pah!

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- Alright.

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- Hold it.

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I'm about to make a quantum leap

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in diaper theory.

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Go with it. Go with it.

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If we triple the diaper

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we get three times

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the protection

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but we change her

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1/3rd as often.

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Loving it. Loving it.

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We put two diapers together

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and..

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...Michelle Tanner,

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come on down!

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You know the other

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way to go is to

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tie a hefty bag

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around her waist.

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That way, we'd only have

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to change her on trash day.

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Junior jammy time.

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Huh?

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- It's you.

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- Alright.

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Here we go.

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We put the leg in like so.

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We simply, uh..

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We tie! We tie.

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We simply tie like this.

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Very nice.

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Whoa.

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Snag in the plan.

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I suggest we go with

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a lovely 2-piece ensemble

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from baby Armani.

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Using your head, Joseph.

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Using your head.

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Alright. Hey!

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Um..

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Here we go.

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Oh, yeah.

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Oh, yuppie baby!

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Oh, this is good.

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Okay, I got

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the girls in..

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- Ta-da!

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- Ta-da!

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Gentlemen, Tarzan, who was

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raised in the jungle by apes

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went to bed in better

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shape than that baby.

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Big deal, you're talking

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about a guy who wore diapers

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his entire life.

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I really appreciate the effort

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but I'll take it from here.

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Oh, yeah, sure, now

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that all the work is done.

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Goodnight, Michelle.

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[high voice]

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Goodnight, Uncle Jesse.

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Next time you see me

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I'll have a big

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surprise for you.

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I don't care how many

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diapers I have on.

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He, he, he!

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Give me my kid.

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Aw..

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You really are a good sport.

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[Jesse humming]

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- Hi, Uncle Jesse.

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- 'How you doin', kid?'

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- What happened to my room?

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- Looks pretty cool, huh?

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Look at this,

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I'm hanging Elvis up right here.

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Over my bunnies?

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Well, Steph, your

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bunnies are very, uh..

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...pink.

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My mom made those

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bunnies just for me.

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Don't you like them?

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These bunnies.

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I love these bunnies.

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I'm sure Elvis had bunnies

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hanging all over Graceland.

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Okay, it's riddle time.

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What has blonde hair,

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purple pajamas

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and is up way

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past their bedtime?

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Um, Elvis?

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Steph, the Sandman Express

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is comin'.

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[harmonica music]

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All aboard!

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Whoo-whoo!

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You see that?

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Any of your ape friends

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do that for Tarzan?

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Last stop, Stephanie's bed.

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Thank you, Sandman Express.

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The Sandman Express

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runs every night.

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If I get on now will you drop

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me off at the nearest hotel?

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Okay, let's say goodnight.

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Alright, goodnight,

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junior babes.

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Uncle Jesse, tell us

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a bedtime story.

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Uncle Jesse doesn't

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know any bedtime stories.

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Yes, he does.

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- No, he doesn't.

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- Yes, he does.

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No, he doesn't.

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Yes, he does!

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- I'll make one up! Why?

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- Yay!

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Alright, fellas,

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help me out here.

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We'll make it a game.

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Steph, you start the story,

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and you girls point to us

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when you want someone

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else to take over.

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Okay!

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Once upon a time there was

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a pretty girl named Cinderella.

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Daddy!

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And, uh, Cinderella

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wanted to go

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to this big fancy ball.

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And on the way

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she wandered into this cabin

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and she fell asleep

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in papa bear's bed.

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I don't think so.

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No, wait, honey,

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it gets better.

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So she's on the bed,

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she's out like a light

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when all of a sudden--

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[imitating buzzer]

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Joey.

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Um, when

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Cinderella woke up

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she was real thirsty

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so she went to 7-Eleven

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for a Slurpee

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where she ran

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into, Bullwinkle!

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So Bullwinkle says..

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[imitating Bullwinkle]

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Hello, Cinderella.

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Would you like

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to come to the ball with me?

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Not only am I a great dancer

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but you can hang your

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coat on my antlers.

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Kids love this stuff. So--

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[imitating buzzer]

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Uncle Jesse.

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So, Cinderella, Bullwinkle,

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they get married, right?

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They go on

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"The Newlywed Game"

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and they win a grand prize

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selected especially for them.

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Goodnight.

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[imitating buzzer]

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Daddy.

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Until..

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The big bad wolf came over.

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And he said, open up

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or I'll huff and I'll puff

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and I'll blow your house down!

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And I can do it, too,

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because as we all know

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wolves have

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an amazing lung capacity.

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[imitating buzzer]

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- Joey.

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- So--

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[imitating buzzer]

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Uncle Jesse.

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So the wolf,

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the moose, the babe

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they all fell in love, right.

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They moved to Sweden

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where people are

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a lot more cooler

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about that sort of thing.

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And that's the end of the story.

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Goodnight and goodbye.

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No monsters, no witches,

252
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but that story was very scary.

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Okay, sweetheart.

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It's time to go to bed.

255
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Can I ask one more favor?

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Sure, honey. What is it?

257
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Study these storybooks.

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We'll talk about

259
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them in the morning.

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Okay. Who wants "Puddle Duck

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And The Quack Quack Gang"?

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- Read it.

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- Read it.

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[instrumental music]

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Hello, Joey, Danny,

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how you guys doing? Goodnight.

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Whoa, whoa, whoa!

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Hold it, guys. Red light!

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Guys, the only way

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that three adults

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can leave the house

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at the same time

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is if three children

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are with them.

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Two adults can leave.

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One adult can leave.

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Three, two, or one

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child can leave

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'with one to three adults.'

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But three adults

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can never leave

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with less than

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three children, got it?

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Look, that's

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all fascinating stuff

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but I've gotta get

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to band rehearsal.

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Yeah, and I have a 10:30

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slot the Laugh Machine.

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I have to do the sports

291
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at 10 o'clock.

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I'm sorry, Jesse.

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What do you mean,

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I'm sorry, Jesse?

295
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Why not, I'm sorry, Joey,

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or I'm sorry, Danny?

297
00:08:10,449 --> 00:08:13,243
Because I have an actual

298
00:08:10,449 --> 00:08:13,243
job that pays money.

299
00:08:13,285 --> 00:08:16,621
And I bring the gift of laughter

300
00:08:13,285 --> 00:08:16,621
into the world. At 10:30.

301
00:08:16,663 --> 00:08:18,915
Yes, well I make music.

302
00:08:18,957 --> 00:08:21,751
Songs that touch people's hearts

303
00:08:21,793 --> 00:08:23,420
that penetrate their very souls.

304
00:08:23,462 --> 00:08:25,130
Now, how can you compare

305
00:08:23,462 --> 00:08:25,130
that to telling..

306
00:08:26,381 --> 00:08:27,715
...jokes?

307
00:08:29,384 --> 00:08:31,470
Are you seriously

308
00:08:29,384 --> 00:08:31,470
trying to tell me

309
00:08:31,511 --> 00:08:34,389
that music is more

310
00:08:31,511 --> 00:08:34,389
important than comedy?

311
00:08:34,431 --> 00:08:35,682
You got it, pal.

312
00:08:35,723 --> 00:08:38,601
Two words, Ozzy Osbourne.

313
00:08:40,103 --> 00:08:42,772
Two more words, Rip Taylor.

314
00:08:47,568 --> 00:08:49,237
"The Partridge Family."

315
00:08:50,613 --> 00:08:52,657
Anyone on "Hee Haw".

316
00:08:57,078 --> 00:08:58,288
Charo.

317
00:09:00,040 --> 00:09:01,208
Bozo.

318
00:09:02,834 --> 00:09:04,461
Hey, Bozo did

319
00:09:02,834 --> 00:09:04,461
some brilliant work.

320
00:09:04,503 --> 00:09:06,838
Oh, yeah, right, right.

321
00:09:04,503 --> 00:09:06,838
The early Bozo was real good.

322
00:09:06,880 --> 00:09:08,465
I'm sorry.

323
00:09:08,507 --> 00:09:10,717
Okay, we'll settle this

324
00:09:08,507 --> 00:09:10,717
the only truly fair way.

325
00:09:10,758 --> 00:09:12,093
Ready? Go!

326
00:09:13,678 --> 00:09:16,181
(Joey)

327
00:09:13,678 --> 00:09:16,181
Once again, comedy kicks

328
00:09:13,678 --> 00:09:16,181
music's butt!

329
00:09:19,434 --> 00:09:21,853
I'm sorry, man. All three

330
00:09:19,434 --> 00:09:21,853
girls are sleeping like angels.

331
00:09:21,895 --> 00:09:23,355
I know I can trust you, Jesse.

332
00:09:23,397 --> 00:09:25,773
- If there's even a--

333
00:09:23,397 --> 00:09:25,773
- Yeah, yeah. Go live your life.

334
00:09:25,815 --> 00:09:27,317
Hey, babe, it's fine.

335
00:09:27,359 --> 00:09:28,651
I'll just give up my dreams

336
00:09:28,693 --> 00:09:30,611
to be a success in

337
00:09:28,693 --> 00:09:30,611
the music business.

338
00:09:30,653 --> 00:09:31,779
I'll sit home and read

339
00:09:31,821 --> 00:09:34,824
Hunny-Bunny

340
00:09:31,821 --> 00:09:34,824
In The Wee Little Glen.

341
00:09:34,866 --> 00:09:37,118
- I couldn't put it down.

342
00:09:34,866 --> 00:09:37,118
- Get out of here.

343
00:09:44,667 --> 00:09:45,752
(both)

344
00:09:44,667 --> 00:09:45,752
Hi, Uncle Jesse.

345
00:09:45,793 --> 00:09:47,170
Hi, girls.

346
00:09:47,212 --> 00:09:49,089
Girls! You're supposed

347
00:09:47,212 --> 00:09:49,089
to be in bed!

348
00:09:49,130 --> 00:09:50,340
Girls! Whoa!

349
00:09:50,382 --> 00:09:51,966
'Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!'

350
00:09:52,008 --> 00:09:54,094
Girls, girls, aren't

351
00:09:52,008 --> 00:09:54,094
you supposed to be in bed

352
00:09:54,135 --> 00:09:55,303
dreaming about Tweety Bird

353
00:09:55,345 --> 00:09:57,638
or Big Bird or

354
00:09:55,345 --> 00:09:57,638
Larry Bird or something?

355
00:09:58,890 --> 00:10:00,267
Uncle Jesse, if we get hungry

356
00:10:00,308 --> 00:10:02,436
dad always makes sure

357
00:10:00,308 --> 00:10:02,436
we have a late-night snack.

358
00:10:03,978 --> 00:10:07,524
We're gonna have ice cream

359
00:10:03,978 --> 00:10:07,524
sundaes and chocolate milk.

360
00:10:07,566 --> 00:10:09,359
- And cookies!

361
00:10:07,566 --> 00:10:09,359
- Freeze, chick!

362
00:10:11,319 --> 00:10:14,739
Alright, I know.

363
00:10:11,319 --> 00:10:14,739
I'm pretty hip here.

364
00:10:14,781 --> 00:10:17,492
You guys think

365
00:10:14,781 --> 00:10:17,492
I'm-I'm an idiot or somethin'?

366
00:10:21,871 --> 00:10:24,583
Let me tell you somethin'.

367
00:10:21,871 --> 00:10:24,583
I know what's goin' on here.

368
00:10:24,624 --> 00:10:25,875
Your dad's gone and it's

369
00:10:25,917 --> 00:10:28,420
let's take advantage

370
00:10:25,917 --> 00:10:28,420
of the baby-sitter time.

371
00:10:28,462 --> 00:10:30,046
Well, I got news for you, girls.

372
00:10:30,088 --> 00:10:31,923
Your Uncle Jesse's

373
00:10:30,088 --> 00:10:31,923
a little too sharp

374
00:10:31,965 --> 00:10:34,384
to be taken on that kinda ride.

375
00:10:34,426 --> 00:10:36,761
Now, you can have ice cream

376
00:10:34,426 --> 00:10:36,761
and chocolate milk. No cookies.

377
00:10:36,803 --> 00:10:37,887
Yay!

378
00:10:39,806 --> 00:10:41,182
Okay.

379
00:10:45,562 --> 00:10:47,147
♪ Z my name is zippy ♪

380
00:10:47,188 --> 00:10:48,898
♪ And my husband's

381
00:10:47,188 --> 00:10:48,898
name is Zorro ♪

382
00:10:48,940 --> 00:10:50,567
♪ We come from

383
00:10:48,940 --> 00:10:50,567
San Francisco ♪

384
00:10:50,609 --> 00:10:52,486
♪ With a carload

385
00:10:50,609 --> 00:10:52,486
of zebras ♪

386
00:10:52,527 --> 00:10:54,028
♪ A my name

387
00:10:52,527 --> 00:10:54,028
is Alice.. ♪♪

388
00:10:54,070 --> 00:10:55,071
That's enough jump rope.

389
00:10:55,113 --> 00:10:56,323
Let's do the hand-jive.

390
00:10:56,364 --> 00:11:00,494
Ok, but I can't stop jumping.

391
00:11:00,535 --> 00:11:04,372
I may never sleep again.

392
00:11:04,414 --> 00:11:05,540
Thanks.

393
00:11:09,377 --> 00:11:12,213
Two bowls of ice cream sure

394
00:11:09,377 --> 00:11:12,213
gives you a lot of pep, huh?

395
00:11:12,255 --> 00:11:14,591
Does pep mean you can't blink?

396
00:11:15,800 --> 00:11:17,051
That's pep.

397
00:11:19,179 --> 00:11:20,639
Party time!

398
00:11:22,432 --> 00:11:24,767
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

399
00:11:26,603 --> 00:11:29,606
Fellas, I got three little

400
00:11:26,603 --> 00:11:29,606
girls upstairs, sound asleep.

401
00:11:29,648 --> 00:11:30,731
Sticks.

402
00:11:33,568 --> 00:11:34,693
Licorice.

403
00:11:36,029 --> 00:11:37,738
'Alright.'

404
00:11:37,780 --> 00:11:40,033
Here we go.

405
00:11:37,780 --> 00:11:40,033
Jumping Jack Flash in "B."

406
00:11:40,074 --> 00:11:42,118
Ready? One, two, three, go!

407
00:11:44,371 --> 00:11:45,788
♪ I was born ♪

408
00:11:45,830 --> 00:11:48,375
♪ In a cross-fire

409
00:11:45,830 --> 00:11:48,375
hurricane.. ♪♪

410
00:11:52,170 --> 00:11:54,130
What's the matter?

411
00:11:52,170 --> 00:11:54,130
Someone out of tune?

412
00:11:55,256 --> 00:11:57,300
Do you guys know

413
00:11:55,256 --> 00:11:57,300
any bangles stuff?

414
00:11:57,342 --> 00:11:58,926
Whoa! Whoa! Girls!

415
00:11:58,968 --> 00:12:00,470
You're supposed to be in bed!

416
00:12:00,512 --> 00:12:02,180
What would your

417
00:12:00,512 --> 00:12:02,180
dad say about this?

418
00:12:02,222 --> 00:12:04,849
He wouldn't mind, he'd say

419
00:12:02,222 --> 00:12:04,849
we're lucky to have a chance

420
00:12:04,891 --> 00:12:08,144
to listen to the greatest

421
00:12:04,891 --> 00:12:08,144
rock band in the world.

422
00:12:08,186 --> 00:12:11,356
Oh, well, if you

423
00:12:08,186 --> 00:12:11,356
put it that way. Yeah, okay.

424
00:12:11,398 --> 00:12:14,067
Great hair! Could you

425
00:12:11,398 --> 00:12:14,067
show me how to do that?

426
00:12:14,108 --> 00:12:16,319
Sure. It's real easy.

427
00:12:14,108 --> 00:12:16,319
Just sprays right on.

428
00:12:16,361 --> 00:12:17,362
[doorbell rings]

429
00:12:17,404 --> 00:12:19,738
- Oh, that's for me.

430
00:12:17,404 --> 00:12:19,738
- Whoa!

431
00:12:21,241 --> 00:12:22,950
Oh, I bet my dad

432
00:12:21,241 --> 00:12:22,950
forgot to tell you

433
00:12:22,992 --> 00:12:25,161
about our 11 o'clock pizza.

434
00:12:28,747 --> 00:12:30,667
- Hi. How much?

435
00:12:28,747 --> 00:12:30,667
- 11.50.

436
00:12:30,709 --> 00:12:33,169
Did the cheese slide

437
00:12:30,709 --> 00:12:33,169
off or stick to the box?

438
00:12:34,546 --> 00:12:36,339
No.

439
00:12:36,381 --> 00:12:37,591
Keep it.

440
00:12:39,008 --> 00:12:40,927
Hey, do you mind if

441
00:12:39,008 --> 00:12:40,927
I check out the band?

442
00:12:40,968 --> 00:12:43,179
Come in. Open party.

443
00:12:44,305 --> 00:12:46,057
Alright, girls,

444
00:12:44,305 --> 00:12:46,057
listen here now.

445
00:12:46,099 --> 00:12:47,934
It's almost midnight.

446
00:12:47,975 --> 00:12:50,687
You guys listen to two, three

447
00:12:47,975 --> 00:12:50,687
songs max, you eat your pie

448
00:12:50,729 --> 00:12:52,731
then straight to bed,

449
00:12:50,729 --> 00:12:52,731
no nonsense.

450
00:12:52,813 --> 00:12:55,316
Boy, are you strict!

451
00:12:55,358 --> 00:12:57,026
Alright, here we go!

452
00:12:57,860 --> 00:13:00,947
[rock music]

453
00:13:05,535 --> 00:13:08,622
[rock music]

454
00:13:12,500 --> 00:13:15,629
♪ Little sister

455
00:13:12,500 --> 00:13:15,629
don't you run ♪

456
00:13:15,670 --> 00:13:18,965
♪ Little sister

457
00:13:15,670 --> 00:13:18,965
don't you run ♪

458
00:13:19,006 --> 00:13:21,760
♪ Little sister don't you

459
00:13:19,006 --> 00:13:21,760
kiss me once or twice ♪

460
00:13:21,800 --> 00:13:23,136
♪ And say it's very nice ♪

461
00:13:23,177 --> 00:13:25,054
♪ And then you run ♪

462
00:13:25,096 --> 00:13:26,306
♪ Yeah ♪

463
00:13:27,432 --> 00:13:28,933
♪ Little sister

464
00:13:27,432 --> 00:13:28,933
don't you do ♪

465
00:13:28,975 --> 00:13:31,060
♪ What your

466
00:13:28,975 --> 00:13:31,060
big sister done ♪♪

467
00:13:31,102 --> 00:13:32,395
Conga!

468
00:13:36,441 --> 00:13:39,026
[upbeat music]

469
00:14:01,257 --> 00:14:03,677
Boy, are you

470
00:14:01,257 --> 00:14:03,677
gonna get it.

471
00:14:05,428 --> 00:14:08,515
[instrumental music]

472
00:14:10,809 --> 00:14:14,061
Attention,

473
00:14:10,809 --> 00:14:14,061
Solid Gold, farm team.

474
00:14:14,103 --> 00:14:17,482
It's 12:15,

475
00:14:14,103 --> 00:14:17,482
and your hair is purple.

476
00:14:17,524 --> 00:14:20,151
Get down, and

477
00:14:17,524 --> 00:14:20,151
I don't mean get funky.

478
00:14:21,944 --> 00:14:25,948
Boys, boys, boys.

479
00:14:25,990 --> 00:14:27,534
Walk with me.

480
00:14:27,575 --> 00:14:29,202
Talk with me.

481
00:14:29,243 --> 00:14:31,329
How could you possibly

482
00:14:29,243 --> 00:14:31,329
let this happen?

483
00:14:31,371 --> 00:14:33,540
Hold it,

484
00:14:31,371 --> 00:14:33,540
on behalf of Joey

485
00:14:33,581 --> 00:14:37,043
I would just like to say

486
00:14:33,581 --> 00:14:37,043
that Joey is innocent.

487
00:14:37,084 --> 00:14:40,046
Well, it's true I was doing

488
00:14:37,084 --> 00:14:40,046
a conga when you walked in

489
00:14:40,087 --> 00:14:43,090
but...I conga a lot.

490
00:14:44,551 --> 00:14:46,135
[sighs]

491
00:14:46,177 --> 00:14:48,888
My name is Joey,

492
00:14:46,177 --> 00:14:48,888
and I'm a congaholic.

493
00:14:52,099 --> 00:14:54,686
Well, it's way

494
00:14:52,099 --> 00:14:54,686
past our bedtime.

495
00:14:54,728 --> 00:14:56,563
Come on, Steph.

496
00:14:54,728 --> 00:14:56,563
Goodnight, everybody.

497
00:14:56,604 --> 00:14:58,105
Girls, get back over here!

498
00:14:58,147 --> 00:15:00,233
You're in just

499
00:14:58,147 --> 00:15:00,233
as much trouble as they are.

500
00:15:02,026 --> 00:15:03,277
Dad, I know we're

501
00:15:02,026 --> 00:15:03,277
supposed to be--

502
00:15:03,319 --> 00:15:05,363
D.J., hang on a second.

503
00:15:05,405 --> 00:15:08,783
Um, it's not

504
00:15:05,405 --> 00:15:08,783
the girls' fault. It's mine.

505
00:15:10,744 --> 00:15:13,037
I invited the band over.

506
00:15:13,079 --> 00:15:15,248
I woke the girls up.

507
00:15:15,289 --> 00:15:17,083
I ordered pizza.

508
00:15:17,124 --> 00:15:20,211
I was throwin' a party.

509
00:15:17,124 --> 00:15:20,211
I needed chicks.

510
00:15:22,922 --> 00:15:24,549
[Michelle crying]

511
00:15:24,591 --> 00:15:27,051
Baby alert!

512
00:15:24,591 --> 00:15:27,051
Baby alert!

513
00:15:27,093 --> 00:15:29,220
You girls get right in bed.

514
00:15:27,093 --> 00:15:29,220
You guys follow me.

515
00:15:29,262 --> 00:15:31,639
And if that baby's

516
00:15:29,262 --> 00:15:31,639
hair is purple..

517
00:15:36,143 --> 00:15:38,479
You were irresponsible.

518
00:15:36,143 --> 00:15:38,479
You were unreliable.

519
00:15:38,521 --> 00:15:39,606
I'll get back to you.

520
00:15:39,647 --> 00:15:42,483
Oh, Michelle.

521
00:15:39,647 --> 00:15:42,483
Aw, honey, it's okay.

522
00:15:42,525 --> 00:15:44,736
Daddy's here.

523
00:15:44,778 --> 00:15:46,905
I see what this is.

524
00:15:46,946 --> 00:15:49,240
Michelle's getting

525
00:15:46,946 --> 00:15:49,240
a new tooth.

526
00:15:49,282 --> 00:15:50,575
Aw, that really hurts.

527
00:15:50,617 --> 00:15:52,827
I had nothin'

528
00:15:50,617 --> 00:15:52,827
to do with it.

529
00:15:53,494 --> 00:15:55,288
Poor baby.

530
00:15:55,329 --> 00:15:59,292
Imagine a sharp,

531
00:15:55,329 --> 00:15:59,292
pointy, calcified projectile

532
00:15:59,333 --> 00:16:00,835
ripping and knifing its way

533
00:16:00,877 --> 00:16:04,088
through your soft,

534
00:16:00,877 --> 00:16:04,088
tender, inflamed gum tissues.

535
00:16:06,966 --> 00:16:09,093
I say we buy her a pony.

536
00:16:10,553 --> 00:16:13,306
Sometimes a teething ring helps.

537
00:16:13,347 --> 00:16:15,266
Here, Michelle.

538
00:16:13,347 --> 00:16:15,266
Here you go.

539
00:16:15,308 --> 00:16:16,851
Here, honey.

540
00:16:18,436 --> 00:16:20,104
She loves it.

541
00:16:22,106 --> 00:16:24,233
Is this anything like

542
00:16:22,106 --> 00:16:24,233
catching the bouquet?

543
00:16:24,275 --> 00:16:26,527
Am I the next one

544
00:16:24,275 --> 00:16:26,527
to have a baby?

545
00:16:30,364 --> 00:16:32,492
Alright, excuse me, fellas.

546
00:16:30,364 --> 00:16:32,492
Let the pro in.

547
00:16:32,533 --> 00:16:34,577
I'll show you how it's done.

548
00:16:34,619 --> 00:16:37,121
Alright, little munchkin,

549
00:16:34,619 --> 00:16:37,121
where does it hurt?

550
00:16:42,877 --> 00:16:45,045
Wait a minute,

551
00:16:42,877 --> 00:16:45,045
give my finger back, kid.

552
00:16:46,130 --> 00:16:49,175
[crying]

553
00:16:54,555 --> 00:16:55,932
Well, your brain's

554
00:16:54,555 --> 00:16:55,932
not working tonight

555
00:16:55,974 --> 00:16:58,100
but your finger's doin' great.

556
00:16:58,142 --> 00:16:59,602
Joey, do me a favor.

557
00:16:59,644 --> 00:17:01,646
I put one of Michelle's

558
00:16:59,644 --> 00:17:01,646
teething rings in the freezer.

559
00:17:01,688 --> 00:17:04,482
I'd like a word alone

560
00:17:01,688 --> 00:17:04,482
with the alleged babysitter.

561
00:17:06,066 --> 00:17:07,652
Jesse, I guess

562
00:17:06,066 --> 00:17:07,652
it's a bad time to ask

563
00:17:07,694 --> 00:17:09,153
for that girl

564
00:17:07,694 --> 00:17:09,153
singer's phone number.

565
00:17:09,195 --> 00:17:10,446
Get out!

566
00:17:13,992 --> 00:17:17,119
Well, well, well.

567
00:17:17,161 --> 00:17:20,080
What? What? What?

568
00:17:20,122 --> 00:17:22,959
Shame, shame, shame.

569
00:17:23,001 --> 00:17:26,713
I feel like I'm being

570
00:17:23,001 --> 00:17:26,713
chewed out in the Grand Canyon.

571
00:17:26,754 --> 00:17:29,924
I suppose I should be happy

572
00:17:26,754 --> 00:17:29,924
the house is still standing.

573
00:17:29,966 --> 00:17:31,467
I must have been

574
00:17:29,966 --> 00:17:31,467
crazy to think

575
00:17:31,509 --> 00:17:34,178
that you were adult enough

576
00:17:31,509 --> 00:17:34,178
to take care of my kids.

577
00:17:34,220 --> 00:17:35,847
You really let me down.

578
00:17:37,181 --> 00:17:39,141
Wait a minute!

579
00:17:37,181 --> 00:17:39,141
Where you going?

580
00:17:39,183 --> 00:17:41,435
Oh, I thought

581
00:17:39,183 --> 00:17:41,435
I'd call up the Beastie Boys

582
00:17:41,477 --> 00:17:43,897
and ask them if they wanna take

583
00:17:41,477 --> 00:17:43,897
the girls to the park tomorrow.

584
00:17:50,486 --> 00:17:52,154
You love this, don't you?

585
00:17:56,576 --> 00:18:00,371
Uncle Jesse's the best

586
00:17:56,576 --> 00:18:00,371
babysitter we ever had.

587
00:18:00,413 --> 00:18:03,290
Yeah, but I think

588
00:18:00,413 --> 00:18:03,290
he's in big trouble.

589
00:18:03,332 --> 00:18:05,793
[knock on door]

590
00:18:03,332 --> 00:18:05,793
Get into bed.

591
00:18:05,835 --> 00:18:07,712
No, no, no. Your bed!

592
00:18:12,299 --> 00:18:14,134
[snoring]

593
00:18:16,512 --> 00:18:17,805
Girls?

594
00:18:18,681 --> 00:18:20,224
Are you awake?

595
00:18:20,266 --> 00:18:22,018
Dad, is that you?

596
00:18:23,436 --> 00:18:26,105
Is it morning?

597
00:18:26,146 --> 00:18:29,149
D.J., Stephanie, please

598
00:18:26,146 --> 00:18:29,149
come over here right now.

599
00:18:30,359 --> 00:18:33,780
Girls, we have a problem

600
00:18:30,359 --> 00:18:33,780
with Uncle Jesse.

601
00:18:33,821 --> 00:18:35,782
Oh, no, dad,

602
00:18:33,821 --> 00:18:35,782
we didn't have any problems

603
00:18:35,823 --> 00:18:37,575
with Uncle Jesse at all.

604
00:18:37,617 --> 00:18:41,037
I'm sorry.

605
00:18:37,617 --> 00:18:41,037
He was just so irresponsible.

606
00:18:42,329 --> 00:18:44,040
What is this?

607
00:18:45,708 --> 00:18:50,546
Uh-oh. Empty bowls

608
00:18:45,708 --> 00:18:50,546
and empty cartons.

609
00:18:51,547 --> 00:18:54,216
Oh, now I see

610
00:18:51,547 --> 00:18:54,216
what happened.

611
00:18:54,258 --> 00:18:56,343
Uncle Jesse forced

612
00:18:54,258 --> 00:18:56,343
ice cream sundaes

613
00:18:56,385 --> 00:18:58,596
and chocolate milk

614
00:18:56,385 --> 00:18:58,596
down your throats

615
00:18:58,638 --> 00:19:01,599
and then he hid the evidence

616
00:18:58,638 --> 00:19:01,599
under your table.

617
00:19:01,641 --> 00:19:03,768
Ah, the sick fiend.

618
00:19:03,810 --> 00:19:05,352
He probably ignored you

619
00:19:03,810 --> 00:19:05,352
when you told him

620
00:19:05,394 --> 00:19:07,605
no sweets

621
00:19:05,394 --> 00:19:07,605
after bedtime, huh?

622
00:19:07,647 --> 00:19:09,189
Probably.

623
00:19:10,108 --> 00:19:11,275
No probably about it

624
00:19:11,317 --> 00:19:12,860
because otherwise

625
00:19:11,317 --> 00:19:12,860
you'd be lying.

626
00:19:12,902 --> 00:19:14,904
And you know better

627
00:19:12,902 --> 00:19:14,904
than that, don't you?

628
00:19:14,946 --> 00:19:16,530
Probably.

629
00:19:18,074 --> 00:19:20,827
Well, that does it.

630
00:19:20,868 --> 00:19:22,912
I guess asking Uncle Jesse

631
00:19:22,954 --> 00:19:25,289
to move in here

632
00:19:22,954 --> 00:19:25,289
was just a big mistake.

633
00:19:25,331 --> 00:19:28,167
In fact, this may

634
00:19:25,331 --> 00:19:28,167
be a matter for the police.

635
00:19:29,794 --> 00:19:32,212
Now, sweet dreams,

636
00:19:29,794 --> 00:19:32,212
my perfect little angels.

637
00:19:32,254 --> 00:19:34,381
- Daddy!

638
00:19:32,254 --> 00:19:34,381
- Dad!

639
00:19:34,423 --> 00:19:36,050
We were bad.

640
00:19:36,092 --> 00:19:37,384
We did everything.

641
00:19:37,426 --> 00:19:39,887
We even ordered the pizza.

642
00:19:39,929 --> 00:19:42,974
We should all go

643
00:19:39,929 --> 00:19:42,974
apologize to Uncle Jesse.

644
00:19:43,016 --> 00:19:44,391
You're right.

645
00:19:44,433 --> 00:19:45,935
You go first.

646
00:19:47,770 --> 00:19:49,647
Are you gonna punish us?

647
00:19:49,689 --> 00:19:51,816
Before you answer that.

648
00:19:54,027 --> 00:19:56,445
We saved you

649
00:19:54,027 --> 00:19:56,445
a slice of pizza.

650
00:20:01,617 --> 00:20:03,536
Good point, Michelle.

651
00:20:03,577 --> 00:20:05,204
The thing I wonder is..

652
00:20:05,245 --> 00:20:07,040
What's life all about anyway?

653
00:20:08,916 --> 00:20:11,878
I mean, 24 hours ago,

654
00:20:08,916 --> 00:20:11,878
I was a relatively cool guy.

655
00:20:11,919 --> 00:20:14,755
Today I'm a six foot

656
00:20:11,919 --> 00:20:14,755
teething ring.

657
00:20:14,797 --> 00:20:17,133
Yeah, alright, bed time.

658
00:20:14,797 --> 00:20:17,133
We're goin' to my bed.

659
00:20:17,175 --> 00:20:19,510
Come with me.

660
00:20:17,175 --> 00:20:19,510
Come on. Let's go.

661
00:20:19,552 --> 00:20:20,845
Okay, hang on.

662
00:20:19,552 --> 00:20:20,845
I'll put it back.

663
00:20:20,887 --> 00:20:22,346
There you go.

664
00:20:25,099 --> 00:20:26,308
Uncle Jesse.

665
00:20:26,350 --> 00:20:28,186
Whatever it is,

666
00:20:26,350 --> 00:20:28,186
the answer is no.

667
00:20:31,564 --> 00:20:33,024
We just wanted

668
00:20:31,564 --> 00:20:33,024
to say thanks

669
00:20:33,066 --> 00:20:35,484
for trying to keep

670
00:20:33,066 --> 00:20:35,484
us out of trouble.

671
00:20:35,526 --> 00:20:37,361
The only reason

672
00:20:35,526 --> 00:20:37,361
we took advantage of you

673
00:20:37,403 --> 00:20:39,989
is because you had

674
00:20:37,403 --> 00:20:39,989
no idea what you were doing.

675
00:20:42,282 --> 00:20:44,368
From now on,

676
00:20:42,282 --> 00:20:44,368
we'll be good

677
00:20:44,410 --> 00:20:46,412
and do whatever you say.

678
00:20:46,453 --> 00:20:48,581
Steph, don't get crazy.

679
00:20:50,083 --> 00:20:51,709
We'll try to do better.

680
00:20:53,377 --> 00:20:57,297
You can cover up

681
00:20:53,377 --> 00:20:57,297
my bunnies if you want.

682
00:20:57,339 --> 00:21:00,218
That's alright. Your bunnies

683
00:20:57,339 --> 00:21:00,218
are starting to grow on me.

684
00:21:00,259 --> 00:21:02,053
We really love you.

685
00:21:02,095 --> 00:21:03,637
Well, I love you girls, too.

686
00:21:03,679 --> 00:21:05,932
But next time you pull

687
00:21:03,679 --> 00:21:05,932
that stuff on me..

688
00:21:08,684 --> 00:21:10,269
...I'm still

689
00:21:08,684 --> 00:21:10,269
gonna love you.

690
00:21:13,313 --> 00:21:15,858
Aww!

691
00:21:15,900 --> 00:21:17,902
Okay, now either

692
00:21:15,900 --> 00:21:17,902
you girls go to bed for real

693
00:21:17,944 --> 00:21:19,612
or I'm taking

694
00:21:17,944 --> 00:21:19,612
everything out of your room

695
00:21:19,653 --> 00:21:22,573
and turning it

696
00:21:19,653 --> 00:21:22,573
into a 24-hour minimart.

697
00:21:22,615 --> 00:21:23,783
Goodnight, everybody.

698
00:21:23,824 --> 00:21:25,284
Goodnight, daddy,

699
00:21:23,824 --> 00:21:25,284
goodnight, Michelle.

700
00:21:25,325 --> 00:21:27,912
- Goodnight, Uncle Jesse.

701
00:21:25,325 --> 00:21:27,912
- Goodnight, honey.

702
00:21:31,999 --> 00:21:33,876
- Hi.

703
00:21:31,999 --> 00:21:33,876
- Hi.

704
00:21:35,044 --> 00:21:37,880
Want a slice of pizza?

705
00:21:37,922 --> 00:21:41,634
No. Me and the little leech

706
00:21:37,922 --> 00:21:41,634
are gonna try to get some sleep.

707
00:21:41,675 --> 00:21:43,261
I couldn't find

708
00:21:41,675 --> 00:21:43,261
Michelle's teething ring

709
00:21:43,302 --> 00:21:44,804
so I got the next best thing..

710
00:21:44,845 --> 00:21:46,847
An ice cold carrot.

711
00:21:49,892 --> 00:21:51,769
What? I could've brought

712
00:21:49,892 --> 00:21:51,769
the fish sticks but you guys

713
00:21:51,811 --> 00:21:53,604
would've thought

714
00:21:51,811 --> 00:21:53,604
I was an idiot.

715
00:21:56,649 --> 00:21:59,193
Look, Jesse..

716
00:21:59,235 --> 00:22:01,070
I want you to know

717
00:21:59,235 --> 00:22:01,070
that was really nice of you

718
00:22:01,112 --> 00:22:04,740
to take the rap

719
00:22:01,112 --> 00:22:04,740
for D.J. and Stephanie.

720
00:22:04,782 --> 00:22:07,743
And I'm real sorry

721
00:22:04,782 --> 00:22:07,743
I got so crazy before

722
00:22:07,785 --> 00:22:10,704
walking around you

723
00:22:07,785 --> 00:22:10,704
going, "well, well, well."

724
00:22:12,248 --> 00:22:14,125
It's cool, cool, cool.

725
00:22:15,209 --> 00:22:17,795
The girls just

726
00:22:15,209 --> 00:22:17,795
mean so much to me

727
00:22:17,837 --> 00:22:20,840
especially now,

728
00:22:17,837 --> 00:22:20,840
you know, since Pam's gone.

729
00:22:20,881 --> 00:22:22,341
I know what you're sayin', man.

730
00:22:22,382 --> 00:22:24,551
I worry about them, too.

731
00:22:22,382 --> 00:22:24,551
They're my nieces.

732
00:22:26,095 --> 00:22:28,097
But I don't know nothin'

733
00:22:26,095 --> 00:22:28,097
about this kid stuff.

734
00:22:29,473 --> 00:22:32,018
Yeah, I know, but both you guys,

735
00:22:29,473 --> 00:22:32,018
you gotta remember

736
00:22:32,059 --> 00:22:33,727
don't be afraid to say no.

737
00:22:33,769 --> 00:22:36,147
- Kids need limits.

738
00:22:33,769 --> 00:22:36,147
- What am I supposed to know?

739
00:22:36,189 --> 00:22:38,607
I been here 12 hours, you expect

740
00:22:36,189 --> 00:22:38,607
me to be Robert Young.

741
00:22:40,026 --> 00:22:41,527
Now, wait, I'm confused.

742
00:22:41,568 --> 00:22:44,322
Is it Robert Young

743
00:22:41,568 --> 00:22:44,322
from "Father Knows Best"

744
00:22:44,362 --> 00:22:46,657
or Robert Young,

745
00:22:44,362 --> 00:22:46,657
"Dr. Welby?"

746
00:22:50,244 --> 00:22:53,164
This is gonna

747
00:22:50,244 --> 00:22:53,164
take some time.

748
00:22:53,206 --> 00:22:56,000
But we can make this work

749
00:22:53,206 --> 00:22:56,000
if we want it to work.

750
00:22:56,042 --> 00:22:59,086
Jesse, you do want this

751
00:22:56,042 --> 00:22:59,086
to work, don't you?

752
00:22:59,128 --> 00:23:01,672
Well, at first,

753
00:22:59,128 --> 00:23:01,672
I wasn't sure but..

754
00:23:01,714 --> 00:23:04,591
Oh, when I saw

755
00:23:01,714 --> 00:23:04,591
that kid telling me

756
00:23:04,633 --> 00:23:06,969
I could cover

757
00:23:04,633 --> 00:23:06,969
her bunnies up and..

758
00:23:07,011 --> 00:23:08,637
...I was looking at that

759
00:23:07,011 --> 00:23:08,637
little baby in my arms

760
00:23:08,679 --> 00:23:11,598
counting on me to stop

761
00:23:08,679 --> 00:23:11,598
her from being in pain

762
00:23:11,640 --> 00:23:14,185
I don't know man,

763
00:23:11,640 --> 00:23:14,185
I got all warm and tingly..

764
00:23:14,227 --> 00:23:15,728
Somebody stop me.

765
00:23:17,021 --> 00:23:19,523
You know, I'm just

766
00:23:17,021 --> 00:23:19,523
happy to be here.

767
00:23:19,565 --> 00:23:21,150
I was an only child.

768
00:23:21,192 --> 00:23:24,028
All I had was imaginary

769
00:23:21,192 --> 00:23:24,028
brothers and sisters.

770
00:23:24,070 --> 00:23:26,280
It feels great

771
00:23:24,070 --> 00:23:26,280
to be in a real house

772
00:23:26,322 --> 00:23:29,116
with real people.

773
00:23:26,322 --> 00:23:29,116
Right, Leon?

774
00:23:34,747 --> 00:23:37,083
Give me my kid.

775
00:23:37,124 --> 00:23:38,834
Okay, Michelle.

776
00:23:39,835 --> 00:23:41,921
It's time to go to bed.

777
00:23:41,962 --> 00:23:43,256
Yeah.

778
00:23:43,297 --> 00:23:45,423
♪ Lullaby ♪

779
00:23:45,465 --> 00:23:47,760
♪ And goodnight ♪

780
00:23:47,801 --> 00:23:53,099
♪ And there's more

781
00:23:47,801 --> 00:23:53,099
words I'm not sure of ♪♪

782
00:23:53,140 --> 00:23:54,474
Conga!

783
00:23:54,516 --> 00:23:56,269
♪ Da da da da

784
00:23:54,516 --> 00:23:56,269
da daa ♪

785
00:23:56,310 --> 00:23:58,145
♪ Da da da da

786
00:23:56,310 --> 00:23:58,145
da daa ♪

787
00:23:58,187 --> 00:23:59,813
♪ Da da da da

788
00:23:58,187 --> 00:23:59,813
da daa.. ♪

789
00:23:59,855 --> 00:24:01,439
What the hell?

790
00:24:01,481 --> 00:24:03,567
♪ Da da da da

791
00:24:01,481 --> 00:24:03,567
da daa ♪♪

792
00:24:03,609 --> 00:24:05,027
Come on, Leon.

793
00:24:05,069 --> 00:24:08,114
[instrumental music]

794
00:24:10,408 --> 00:24:13,327
[theme music]