[theme music]
♪ Ah ah ah ah ♪
♪ Ah-h-h ♪
♪ Whatever happened
to predictability ♪
♪ The milkman
the paper boy ♪
♪ Evening TV ♪
♪ How did I get to livin' here ♪
♪ Somebody tell me please ♪
♪ This old world's
confusing me ♪
♪ Clouds as mean
as you've ever seen ♪
♪ There ain't a bird
who knows your tune ♪
♪ Then a little voice
inside you whispers ♪
♪ Kid don't sell
your dreams so soon ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ There's a heart ♪
♪ A hand to hold on to ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ There's a face ♪
♪ Of somebody who needs you ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ When you're lost out there ♪
♪ And you're all alone ♪
♪ A light is waiting
to carry you home ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Doobie doo
bah bah dah ♪
Cereal, cartoons,
pajamas.
This is why God
created Saturday.
Let's watch MTV.
No. Let's watch
Bugs Bunny.
But, Steph,
Bugs Bunny is kid stuff.
We got to watch
Yogi Bear.
But I like Bugs Bunny.
Yeah, but, Steph,
every episode is the same.
Elmer Fudd says,
"Why, you pesky wabbit."
then he takes a shot
at Bugs.
Then Yosemite Sam comes in.
"Ooh, ah hate
that rabbit."
Then he takes a shot
at Bugs.
I mean, with all
that shooting going on
I don't know why Bugs
ever pops his head
out of that hole.
Let's face it. The rabbit
has a death wish.
Better than watching Yogi
steal the same picnic basket.
Boring.
Morning, kids.
Hi, dad.
I don't really see you
eating cereal out of pots
with wooden
implements, do I?
Yes, you do.
Great. After breakfast why don't
we just take this laundry
down to the bay and beat it
against some rocks?
Joey, can you
come with me right now
into the kitchen, please?
What, now? I'll miss
the start of Yogi.
It's not
Agatha Christie.
You'll catch up.
Girls, take
accurate notes.
Wha-ho-ho!
It's howdy dirty time.
Joey, the deal we made was
this is your week
to take care of the dishes.
I'm just waiting till
the dishwasher's full.
There. Now we won't
be wasting water.
Of course we won't.
There's no room
for water.
Boy, what a night.
Jesse, what's
going on here?
You told me you were gonna
take care of the laundry.
I did.
I did mine.
What about
everybody else's laundry?
Looks to me like
they haven't touched it.
The lazy bums.
Fellas, let me tell you
about this story alright?
Last night, my band's playing
this gig in Chinatown.
A sweet and sour
16 party, if you will.
Anyway, anyway, I'm cruising
home on my Harley, right?
I come to a red light,
I stop.
Great story.
Oh, and you told it great.
Fellas, I'm building.
I'm building. I'm building.
Anyway, the light
turns green, right?
I try to move.
I can't.
There's something
wedged under my tire.
Just then this runaway
street cleaner
comes barreling through
the intersection
right where
I would have been.
I came this close
to being
a really clean dead guy.
Fellas, I'd like to
introduce to you
the little dude
that saved my life..
...Bubba!
I love
this amphibian.
You just hate coming
home alone, don't you?
I got to get my guitar.
Hold Bubba.
Keep him happy.
It just may save your life.
(D.J.)
'Joey, where are you?'
Don't let the girls
see him.
They're gonna
want to keep him.
Hide him, hide him.
The pot.
Under the pot.
Great idea.
- Okay.
I don't
see a turtle.
- Act casual.
- Oh, yeah, nonchalant.
- Good word. Nonchalant.
- Hmm-mm.
Joey, Yogi may be smarter
than the average bear
but he's much dumber
than the average 3-year-old.
What's that?
Oh, that?
That's, uh...
it's dinner.
It's roast beef.
Yeah. Roast beef.
And where is
our roast beef going?
It's going
to the oven.
Roast beef
comes from turtle?
Not my turtle,
it doesn't.
I love
this amphibian.
I love him, too.
Can we keep him?
Of course we can keep him.
Bubba's a hero.
Uncle Jesse, we'll take
care of him for you.
- Alright.
- Are you sure, honey?
That's a big
responsibility.
No problem.
Let's go get
Bubba settled.
He looks
a little pasty.
What a great day.
We get a turtle,
and grandma's coming to visit.
Stephanie.
Sweetheart, honey.
Baby.
Did you just say
grandma's coming?
That's what she said
on the phone.
Well, why didn't you
say something?
Nobody asked me.
Steph, it's not possible for me
to ask you every question.
Do you know how many questions
there are in the world?
Eight.
What time is
grandma coming, honey?
The plane gets in
at 5:12, sugar hips.
Sweetheart, go upstairs
and play with Bubba.
Joey, how did you know
about my mother?
I answered the phone
when she called.
Why didn't
you say something?
Nobody asked me.
Found a home
for Bubba.
It's calm, cool,
comfortable.
Nobody flush, okay?
Alright,
I'll shred him lunch.
I'll swat him dessert.
Jesse,
forget about the turtle.
My mom's on her way.
Your mom's coming back already?
She just moved out of here.
I know that, but she's coming
back to check up on me.
She doesn't think I can
take care of things.
What? The place
looks great.
You don't understand.
All my life I've had somebody
take care of me.
First it was my mom
and then I got married,
and it was Pam.
For the first time, I want to
prove to my mom and to myself
that I can take care of my
family
on my own, by myself,
just me.
That's why I desperately
need your help.
- What do you want us to do?
- Yeah.
Jesse, take another shot
at the laundry.
Alright.
Joey, see if you can wedge some
detergent
into the dishwasher.
I'm gonna mop the floor.
Bad news, dad-o.
We're out of detergent.
Ditto on dish soap.
And we're
out of floor wax.
Let's go shopping.
Whoa! You're
in your pajamas.
Oh, I know.
I just woke up.
[laughing]
Oh, I get it.
I gotta go
put clothes on.
Gee, I wish you could
wear pajamas at the market.
He may need
his mother.
D.J., let's go.
Stephanie, hurry up.
Grandma's gonna be here
in t-minus-seven hours and
counting.
Can't we wait
till Yogi's over?
Tape it.
Of course
I'm gonna tape it.
I tape all of them.
It's just that Yogi
is so much better live.
Alright, we need
turtle chow, leafy green..
...there's no such thing
as fly helper, is there?
No, okay.
I got the baby diapers, baby
wipes, extra baby clothes
and the baby's backpack.
Great.
Here's baby apple juice
and baby biter biscuits.
- Wonderful.
- The baby loves music.
You think we should bring along
the organ?
I got it covered.
I'm bringing
her crib blaster.
Okay, troops..
...move out!
Don't forget
Mr. Pandy.
Oh, that's right,
honey.
Michelle won't go anywhere
without Mr. Pandy.
Let's go.
Everybody move it.
I am so sorry.
You won't remember this,
will you?
How many times do
I have to tell you?
Make a tinkle before
you leave the house.
Coming up.
It's up.
Coming up.
Don't we have
one of these?
I'll take Michelle.
I hate this thing.
Only five hours before
my mom shows up.
Now, here's the plan,
I'll do the kitchen
Joey, you do
the living room.
Jess, you take
the bedrooms.
Now, who's going to
do the toilets?
Oh, girls.
Giddy up, Bubba,
giddy up.
Come on. Come on.
Can I go next?
Look at Bubba.
Ever seen a turtle
that good with kids?
D.J., go put Annie Oakley
in her bunkhouse.
Jesse, find a corral
for Trigger.
Joey, I'm all out
of cowboy metaphors
so let's put away
the grub.
I was wrong.
I had one left.
Danny, we've been shopping
all morning.
How about
a little Yogi break?
Sit down
with your family here.
Relax.
Watch the bear.
Alright, alright,
but we're just gonna watch
until Yogi steals
a picnic basket.
Okay. He's got one.
Hi, yi-yi..
- Grandma!
Oh, my God.
My granddaughter
is a turtle.
Michelle needs your love
now more than ever.
Give me that.
This turtle
saved my life.
Bubba, Claire.
Claire, Bubba.
Hi.
I love
this amphibian.
Isn't he cool?
Pet his head, grandma.
He really likes that.
Oh, he's a reptile!
Hey, back off. He's been
nothing but nice to you.
Mom, what are you
doing here so early?
Joey said
you'd be in at 5:12.
Try 12:05.
I guess you had
to find out sooner or later.
My name is Joey,
and I'm a time dyslexic.
I would have
told you earlier
but I'm just not sure
when earlier is.
Girls, will you just go on
upstairs and clean your room?
How did she know
our room is a mess?
Grandma vision.
Mom, don't worry.
We're on the verge of a major
cleanup. Aren't we, boys?
Well, we were, but
now what's the point?
I mean, no one cleans
the house like your ma.
Right, Joseph?
Oh, you're awesome,
Mrs. Tanner.
Yeah. So why don't
we just get out of your way?
And, Claire,
go nuts.
Absolutely.
We'll-we'll catch
a movie or something
and, Mrs. Tanner, if you happen
to finish up before we get back
I'd just like to leave you
with these two words..
...lamb chops.
Don't listen to him, mom.
You can cook
anything you want.
Honey, we're home.
Boys, we got some trouble.
I'll say we got trouble.
Look at this place.
It's a pigsty.
I think your ma's
lost her touch.
She doesn't want to
clean up our mess.
She wants us to do it.
She wants us
to do it?
What's the matter? Can't you
handle your ma, you wimp?
You're totally
mommy whipped.
Oh, I suppose you handle
your mom differently?
I play my ma
like a piano.
Well, I'm glad
you're back.
Come on in.
Your mom called our moms?
Hello, Jesse.
Hi, Joey.
- Hi, mom.
Yes, I thought that
Irene and Mindy
would be very interested
to see how you boys keep house.
Okay, piano man.
Why don't you
show the wimp
how to tickle
those ivories?
Ma.
Jesse.
Can I make you
some tea?
Bravo. Bravo.
Shut up.
No tea,
thank you.
Oh, tuck in
your shirt.
Ma!
- Oh, Jesse.
- Alright.
I remember when you
were eight years old.
Oh, ma, please
don't tell that story.
Oh, no, tell. Tell.
We love stories.
I'll never forget it.
My little Jesse
tugged on my apron
and said, "Mommy, can
I please help you iron?"
I said, "sure.
Finish the sleeve."
It must have been like when
Babe Ruth
picked up his first bat.
To this day,
he's the only one I'll trust
with my chiffon blouses.
To iron or wear?
Hey, man, to iron.
Alright,
enough of this talking.
Now, you boys
have a lot of work to do.
So where's
the vacuum cleaner?
Oh, vacuum cleaner?
We'll handle this.
Uh, mom, let's show
them the hoover.
Great. You're just
gonna love this.
Brrrrr!
Uh, Mindy.
Oh. Of course.
Now, now, Joey, there is a time
to have fun
and a time to be serious.
Listen, girls,
I think that one of us
should be here at all times
to see that things go properly.
So, I mean, after all, this is
where our grandchildren live.
You are so right.
I can be here Monday
through Wednesday.
Well, I'm free
Thursdays and Fridays.
That's wonderful.
And I can fly in on the weekends
so it's all settled.
Terrific.
Boys, we are staring
into the jaws
of a never-ending
living hell.
- What?
- Hey!
No offense.
Moms, I don't blame you
for treating us like children.
I mean, 'cause sometimes
that's how we act.
Yeah, listen, girls,
when we moved in here
we know we had some
responsibilities to do
but we haven't really
followed through.
And from now on, we're really
gonna buckle down.
Mothers, I have
a proposition for you..
...you all go shopping
for a couple of hours.
And if this place isn't clean
by the time you get back
you can all move in here
and just run our lives forever.
Deal?
- Deal.
Okay, there's
the bathroom.
Yep, there's
the bathroom.
Same place it was last time
we didn't clean it.
Here's a thought.
Why don't we see
if the girls have finished
cleaning their room?
Loving it.
(Danny)
'What happened?'
There's been
a bedroom tornado.
We lost something.
Might that
be your minds?
We lost..
[mumbling]
What exactly is..
[mumbling]
Is what you say when you don't
want to say..
...Bubba.
You lost Bubba?
He loves
that amphibian.
We're really sorry.
We turned our backs,
for one minute and he was gone.
It's okay, girls.
I'm sure Bubba
is somewhere
in the house.
Alright, guys, we're
going to turn this house
upside-down until
we find that turtle.
Ready? Go.
(all)
'Bubba!'
Bubba!
Where are you?
No Bubba?
No Bubba.
Uncle Jesse, me and Steph
will buy you another turtle.
You can have
all my money...$2.58.
My advice is
don't clean anymore.
Just move.
We'll be right
with you.
We're having a little
family problem here.
We'll look for Bubba
for the rest of our lives.
Aw, it's alright.
Bubba's work here
was done.
I'm sure he's out
in the world saving other lives.
You mean, you're
really not mad at us?
You don't think we'd get mad
over a stinky turtle?
Hey, if you had four armpits and
you were an inch off the ground
how would you smell?
Girls, girls,
I know you feel bad.
But, that's because you love
your uncle Jesse
and you feel like
you let him down.
I know that losing Bubba
was an accident.
You've got
to understand
we're right behind you
no matter what you do.
And if you ever
have a problem
we'll be there
for you.
That's right.
And if we ever have a problem
we know you guys would be there
for us, too, right?
Alright. Come here,
you little munchkins.
Give us a hug.
- Alright!
Next.
That is so sweet.
Alright, enough of
this warmth junk.
Oh, we're gonna have a great
time living here, right, girls?
Oh, yes.
You bet.
Just a minute, ladies.
We would like another
shot at this, please.
Why don't you take the girls
to the zoo for 3 hours?
- Yeah.
We got some work to do,
alright?
Alright.
- And break!
♪ Wow ♪
♪ I feel good ♪
♪ I knew that I would now ♪
♪ I feel good ♪
♪ I knew that
I would now ♪
♪ So good ♪
♪ I got you ♪
♪ Yaah ♪
♪ I feel nice ♪
♪ Like sugar and spice ♪
♪ I feel nice ♪
♪ Like sugar and spice ♪
♪ So nice huh huh ♪
♪ so nice huh huh ♪
♪ I got you ♪
- Wow!
I think
I hurt myself.
Watch me walk.
(all)
Owww!
Waaa!
(all)
Owww!
- Owww!
- Whoo!
I split my pants.
I can't stand
my pants.
Ow!
Okay, guys, we made it with
five seconds to spare.
Come on.
Everybody up.
Let's go.
5, 4, 3, 2, 1.
Oh. We completely
lost track of the time.
Oh! It's immaculate.
Grandma Irene, does this mean
hell is freezing over?
Go on, find a speck of dirt,
a microbe of filth.
I double dare you.
- Okay.
- Alright.
- Hey!
- Whoa!
That's not
where these go.
You take grandma's goodies,
and you take them right upstairs
and put them
in the toy box now.
- Whoa!
And he used to be
the easy one.
Hold it! Hold it!
You're about to enter
a sterile environment.
[turns on vacuum]
Don't even
think about it.
Ma, what about
those creases, huh?
Jesse, you still
have your touch.
Perfect. Everything
is just perfect.
Look, mom, you could
eat off these dishes.
Congratulations.
I am really proud
of all of you.
Sorry.
Bank's closed.
Can you pay me
in cash?
Mom, I'd like you to meet
my fiancee, Jennifer.
You're going to give me
a grandchild?
Not for this kind
of money.
Here you go,
Mrs. Sianski.
Thanks for everything.
See you next weekend.
Oh, sure.
Okay, so we had
a little help.
Well, just with the hard stuff
and the toilets.
But we make
a great team.
From now on, things are gonna
go a lot smoother around here.
I'm sure they will.
Does that mean you
won't need us anymore?
Ooh, they're good.
Of course
we still need you.
You girls come by
and visit anytime.
Okay, listen, I have to admit
that I was a little worried
about how you boys
were managing the girls.
Well, you may be a little sloppy
but...those kids
are getting a lot of love.
Aw, thanks, mom.
Aw, this is nice.
I wish Bubba was here
to share this.
(D.J.)
'Bubba!'
I found him.
I love that amphibian.
[theme music]