[theme music]
♪ Ah ah ah ah ♪
♪ Ah-h-h ♪
♪ Whatever happened
to predictability ♪
♪ The milkman
the paper boy ♪
♪ Evening TV ♪
♪ How did I get to livin' here ♪
♪ Somebody tell me please ♪
♪ This old world's
confusing me ♪
♪ Clouds as mean
as you've ever seen ♪
♪ There ain't a bird
who knows your tune ♪
♪ Then a little voice
inside you whispers ♪
♪ Kid don't sell
your dreams so soon ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ There's a heart ♪
♪ A hand to hold on to ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ There's a face ♪
♪ Of somebody who needs you ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ When you're
lost out there ♪
♪ And you're all alone ♪
♪ A light is waiting
to carry you home ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Doobie doo bah bah dah ♪♪
♪ She's drivin' ♪
She's drivin'.
She's drivin'. Okay.
♪ She's drivin' ♪
♪ Dri-drivin' ♪
♪ She's drivin', dri-- ♪♪
Maybe she's walking.
- Jesse, you got to see this.
- Not now.
I'm working on this new tune
about this outrageous Italian
goddess
who drives a Lamborghini.
What rhymes
with Lamborghini?
Uh...how about
Cecil and Beany?
How about
you're a weenie?
Jesse, check out
this serious toddling.
Tracking shot,
tracking shot.
(Danny)
'Come on, Michelle.'
Danny, your kid has been
walking for three days.
You haven't stopped
taping her.
I'll feel sorry for her
when she starts potty training.
Do you know
what this means?
My sweet little Michelle,
she's now an object-grabbing
heat-seeking instrument
of destruction.
[high voice]
Hear this, humans.
I am robo-baby.
- Is grandma here?
- Not yet.
Oh, look how cute
you two look.
Cute. Just what
we need, more cute.
Grandma better
get here soon.
We're very bus-z-z-z-y
with honeybee
bus-z-z-z-iness.
Joey, keep taping.
Girls, get up
on the steps.
I want to ask you
something.
D.J.,
so how's it feel
to finally be retiring
as queen bee?
Great. I'm way too old
for this outfit.
It's time
to pass my antenna
on to the bees
of the future.
I bee so happy.
Girls, do the secret
honeybee hello.
Okay, but I cannot
allow this on tape.
Bzzz zip!
Bzzz zoo!
[horn honks]
That's grandma. We
got to buzz-z-z off.
Okay, come here,
Michelle.
Here's
the baby's bag.
And oh, yeah...
here's the baby.
There you go.
- Bye.
See you later, boys.
Guys...there's no
children in the house.
You hear what I hear?
I don't hear anything.
Exactly.
It's silence.
Uh-huh.
Wha--
I can't believe this.
I have no parental
responsibilities.
This is great.
No, that's not true.
I really miss my kids.
No, that's not true.
This is great!
Alright.
Let's party, boys.
I got an idea.
Let's get some girls.
Great. There's a Three Stooges
festival downtown.
You can meet
some really fun girls there
and the great part is they don't
mind if you poke 'em in the eye.
I don't know
about this.
No, no, no. I got a better idea.
I get on my Harley.
You guys follow me in the
country squire not too close.
We cruise up to Tahoe,
Harrah's is having
a Marilyn Monroe
look-alike night.
How do you not
know about this?
How do you
not know about this?
Guys, we've never had a boys'
night out just the three of us.
Let's go out together
and just do
some male bonding.
Male bonding?
Joey, you want
to bond?
All I want is a woman who
at just the right moment goes
"Whoo whoo whoo! Nyeah!"
Guys, time-out.
I can't do this.
It's only been five months
since I lost Pam.
Hey, don't let me
stand in your way.
I'll be fine. I'll
just stay home alone
maybe change
the part in my hair.
You guys go out.
Have a great time.
- Never mind.
Okay, we're available
for bonding.
I'll do whatever
you want. I promise.
Great, you are not even
gonna think about women
when you see what
I've got in store for you.
Let's go fishing.
Neptune's Bride
sails at midnight.
Great.
I've been dying for a place
to wear this outfit.
Alright, let's get
this wonderful, fun-filled
magical night of bonding
over with.
Jesse,
we're going fishing.
You look ridiculous.
I look ridiculous?
[telephone rings]
[imitating Thurston Howell]
Gilligan's living room.
[normal voice]
Oh, wait. Don't hang up.
Sorry. I'm not supposed
to answer the phone.
Yes, Jesse's here.
- Who may I say is calling?
- Give me the phone.
No! Get out of town!
The Roxanna?
The rock star Roxanna?
Jesse, how do you
know Roxanna?
Alright, we had this hot
and heavy thing for a while.
Actually, it was kind
of serious. We dated.
She became a big star,
went on the road.
So we drifted apart.
Give me the phone!
Is this true?
Your story checks out.
So, Roxanna...
got your new album..
Joseph, you leave me
no choice.
Uh-huh.
Uh-agh!
Say good-bye.
Good-bye.
Hello.
I'm sorry.
That was Joey.
He was raised by a family
of really stupid wolves.
How are you doing?
I'm doing great,
yeah.
Oh, my music?
My music's going
really well. Yeah.
That's great.
You told me you
couldn't even find a job.
Beat it, wolf boy.
You know, it'd.. It'll be really
nice to see you again.
Tonight? Yeah,
tonight would be good.
Jesse,
you promised.
[imitates fishing reel]
[plop]
But actually,
I-I can't tonight.
No. I'm going fishi..
I'm going boating..
I'm going yachting
actually.
I'm going yachting
on a boat. Yeah.
Uh, we're having
a big party.
Neptune's Bride.
Yeah. Champagne,
caviar, what-have-you.
Alright. Good. I'll call you
in the morning. Bye.
Thanks, Jesse. You're not
gonna regret this.
Oh, why would I want to hang out
with a big, beautiful rock star
when I can spend the evening
with Thurston Howell, the third
and Mr. Paul,
the human fish stick?
Ahoy, mateys. There she be.
Neptune's Bride, the finest lady
to sail the seven seas.
Argh. I say
we mount her.
That's board her,
squid head.
Isn't this great? A night
of men doing manly things.
You know, there isn't
a manlier man among men
than the old salty dog
who pilots this vessel.
Old Captain Jack,
where you be?
He be retired. I'm his
granddaughter Caroline.
I'll be your captain
this evening.
Oh, yeah. Men don't
come any manlier.
Okay, so except
for old Captain Caroline
it's boys' night out..
...manly men doing
masculine things.
Jesse.
Roxanna, have mercy.
Come here.
What are you
doing here?
I tracked you down.
I'm going on tour tomorrow,
and I just had to see you.
These are
my backup singers.
I'm Yvonne.
I'm Vega.
I'm happy.
Jesse, this
isn't a yacht.
Oh, yeah,
you're telling me.
Last time I ever rent a yacht
from a guy named Ice Pick.
So what,
there's not a party?
We're here to fish.
There's no party.
There is now.
Yeah, whoo-hoo!
Alright, that's Joey.
This is Danny.
Which one's Yvonne?
Which one's Vega?
[engine revving]
Ah ha ha ha!
Thanks for helping me
with the anchor, Danny.
Oh, Caroline,
I live for this stuff.
Well, take a look at me.
Did I forget anything?
You could be the centerfold
for "Field And Stream".
Excuse me, girls.
Boys, it's time
for fishing.
Oh, boy.
Am I a happy camper.
Okay, Jesse,
what do you want?
I don't care.
You want the Daiwa
lightweight graphite super flex
or the Shimano
triton speed master?
I really don't care.
How could you not care?
The Daiwa
has a 40-pound test
and the Shimano has 50.
I don't care. Give me...
give me the Daiwa.
Ooh, the Daiwa?
In these waters?
Bad choice.
I don't care, give me a worm
and some dental floss.
I'll take
the Shimano.
The hell you will.
No way I'm getting stuck
in these waters with a Daiwa.
Look at this.
I got the Shimano.
The Shimano?
In waters like this?
Look at that.
Full moon.
There was a full moon
the last night we were together.
You remember BSurig sur?
I remember we rented that cabin
and went crazy
in every little room.
Yeah, then we went down to the
beach and we got even crazier.
The seals were
clapping for us.
That's ancient history,
right?
Yeah, it's all
in the past.
Just...a shooting star
that burned itself out.
Nothing but memories.
Yep, the magic's gone.
♪ Love exciting and new ♪
♪ Come aboard ♪
♪ We're expecting you.. ♪♪
You guys
just butchered a classic.
Oh, yoo-hoo! Champagne's gone.
Now what?
Well, ladies, how about
a menage-a-fish?
We'd need
a lot more champagne.
Well, you got to admit,
it is kinda sexy out here.
All the rolling
and swaying.
Swaying and rolling.
Up and down,
down and up.
Excuse us.
Yep. Know how to push
all the right buttons.
Well, we're in
a great spot here.
Oh, yeah.
I'm psyched.
I got my lucky pole,
my lucky hat
my lucky underwear with
little sharks on it.
But I digress.
You're kind of funny.
- Nah.
- Yeah.
- Nah.
- Yeah.
Okay, yeah.
Alright, Joey, it's time for a
fishing lesson from the master.
Alright, Danny,
show me how it's done.
The art of casting
clip back your winder,
keep your thumb on the line
cast forward with a firm,
flowing motion
release your thumb,
and let her go.
Got it.
Clip back your winder,
keep your thumb on the line
cast forward with a firm,
flowing motion
release your thumb,
and let her go.
Oop. Got
another one.
He got, ha ha!
That makes four.
I can't believe
I haven't caught a thing.
This makes
five for us.
Alright.
It's a beauty.
How can this be?
Look what
they're wearing.
Oh, great.
My bait is yawning.
Wake up.
Would you wake up?
Danny,
is something wrong?
Where's the scuba gear?
There's something sinister
going on down there.
You think the fish
have gotten together
and made a group decision
to avoid your hook?
It's the only logical
explanation.
This is so boring, reeling
in fish after fish after fish.
Will you shut up?
You know, I wish we could see
each other more often.
I know. The only time
I see you now is on MTV.
I owe a lot
of my success to you.
Ah. Roxanna, you made it
because you're good.
Remember the first song
you sang in my band?
Yeah. How can
I forget?
Do it.
♪ He rocks in the treetop ♪
♪ All day long ♪
♪ Hoppin' and boppin' ♪
♪ And singin' his song ♪
♪ All the little birds
on Jaybird street ♪
♪ Love to hear the Robin ♪
♪ Goin' tweet tweet tweet ♪
♪ Rockin' Robin ♪
♪ Tweet tweet tweet ♪
Fellas?
♪ Tweet tweedle dee dee ♪
♪ Go Rockin' Robin ♪
♪ 'Cause we're really
gonna rock tonight ♪
This is good. This is good.
Let's do some choreography.
♪ Every little swallow
every chickadee ♪
♪ Every little bird
in the tall oak tree ♪
♪ The wise old owl ♪
♪ The big black crow ♪
♪ Flapping their wings
singing ♪
♪ Go bird go ♪
♪ Rockin' Robin ♪
♪ Tweet tweet tweet ♪
♪ Rockin' Robin ♪
♪ Tweet...tweedle dee dee ♪
♪ Go Rockin' Robin ♪
♪ 'Cause we're really
gonna rock tonight ♪
♪ Tweet ♪
♪ Tweedle dee dee ♪♪
Yeah!
Aw, that was
almost fun.
Ahh.
Whoa. Whoa!
Whoa!
I'm coming,
Beanie Boy!
Hold on.
Anybody else want some
more of my halibut
my albacore,
my swordfish?
Shut up.
You're just cranky 'cause you
got pulled overboard
by a Michelin radial.
Hey, that tire had
an incredible will to live.
Hey, Roxanna, we'll meet
you back at the hotel, okay?
Yeah, thanks
for breakfast, guys.
Oh, and thanks for
the Pepto-Bismol.
I know my antacids.
You know, Joey, being with you
actually bordered on fun.
Yeah. I hear that a lot.
You know, Joey,
we've met a lot of men
and, well,
now we've met you.
- Bye-bye.
- Bye.
Seems like we're always
saying goodbye, huh?
I hate it.
Jesse, come on
the road with me.
Join your band?
Well, no.
We're an all-girl group
and you're definitely
not a girl.
Then why would I go
on the road with you?
Just to be with me?
Do what? Carry your
bags for you?
Tune your guitar?
Is that what you want?
I've got nothing better
to do than follow you around
like a little
puppy dog or something?
You know, I really had
a great time.
So did I.
Uh, how about
if I make you dinner?
Uh, dinner?
You know, food you eat
when it gets dark?
No dinner.
How about lunch?
No, no lunch,
no food.
Liquid protein?
Uh, look, Caroline, uh,
I'm real sorry, but..
...I think this whole thing
was just kind of a big mistake.
You-you really shouldn't
be here right now
because, uh, you really
should be somewhere else.
Let me walk you
to the door, okay?
Jesse, you're
overreacting.
No, I'm not.
I'm not overreacting.
Come on, let's go.
This is not gonna work out.
Go be a big star,
get in your limousine.
Alright,
everybody freeze.
I need to see Jesse and Danny
in the kitchen right now.
Joey, I'm in the middle
of something.
Humor me.
Girls, look,
please don't leave.
Caroline, you like fish.
Roxanna, you like music.
Talk about Muddy Waters.
Joey, what is
your problem?
You guys are crazy.
You had a nice time
with Caroline
you had a nice time
with Roxanna.
What's the story here?
Caroline and I are
none of your business.
Right. Neither are Roxanna
and I . Thanks, Joey.
Jesse?
Your attitude wouldn't
have anything to do
with her
success, would it?
No.
I don't know.
Alright,
I do know.
I mean..
...I put her band
together, me.
I put the band together,
she's a big star.
I put my band together,
we're playing dives.
I promised myself,
by the time I was 24
I'm gonna have
a record deal.
I'm 24 1/2.
When's it gonna be my turn?
Hey, I know
how that feels.
It's like when I
see Alf, I go nuts.
I'm doing my standup
in little nightclubs
and a carpet sample
as a series.
But, you know,
if we hang in there
we're going to make it.
Danny, why are you
so upset with Caroline?
'Cause she wanted
to make me dinner.
The real problem
is you like her.
Okay, I do like her.
And it scares me.
Ever since Pam..
...everything
is just so hard
so confusing.
I know how tough
this has been on you.
That's how life is.
It's a struggle.
What helps you get through
the tough times
are the people
by your side.
So when people like Roxanna
and Caroline come along
why push them away
because you're frustrated
with your career and..
...because you're
not ready to date yet?
You're throwing away
what could be great friendships.
Is this the same guy
who spends hours
perfecting underarm noises?
Where is this
coming from?
From my heart.
I did have some help
with the words.
It's what Scooby-Doo told
Scrappy-Doo
last Saturday morning.
Thanks, Joey.
Oh..
Come here,
you big goof.
Alright.
We got in some
male bonding after all.
Will you guys excuse me
for a moment?
Caroline, could I
talk to you, please?
- Hi.
Look, uh, I'm real sorry
I flipped out.
It's just that, uh..
...well, you know
about my wife.
And, uh, I'm just not
ready for this yet.
I really do like you.
Do you think maybe..
...you and I could,
like, just be friends?
I think that
would be great.
Oh.
Roxanna, I guess what
I'm trying to say is..
...maybe I was acting
a little bit..
...what's the word
I'm looking for?
Insanely jealous.
Jesse, your time's
gonna to come.
You're too good.
You know I can't
go with you.
I know.
I just want us
to be together.
Well, maybe someday
we will be
but in the meantime, you got
to realize a guy like me..
...I got to be
free-wheeling.
I got to be
riding on the wind.
I got to be
living on the edge.
Hi, Uncle Jesse.
Will you help me off
with my stinger?
Sure, kid.
Well, I'm living
on the edge of cuteness.
[theme music]