♪ Ah ah ah ♪
♪ Ah ♪
♪ Whatever happened to
predictability ♪
♪ The milkman the paper boy
evening TV ♪
♪ How did I get to livin' here ♪
♪ Somebody tell me please ♪
♪ This old world's
confusing me ♪
♪ Clouds as mean
as you've ever seen ♪
♪ There ain't a bird
who knows your tune ♪
♪ Then a little voice
inside you whispers ♪
♪ Kid don't sell
your dreams so soon ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ There's a heart ♪
♪ A hand to hold on to ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ There's a face ♪
♪ Of somebody who needs you ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ When you're lost out there ♪
♪ And you're all alone ♪
♪ A light is waiting
to carry you home ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Ah ah ah ♪
♪ Do be do ba ba da ♪
[instrumental music]
Now, Michelle, stay right here.
Where you gonna go?
You're in a baby jail.
[coughs]
I'm ready for
Stephanie's recital.
Do you think
the shirt and tie go?
Well, I think the shirt
and the tie should go.
One, two, three, four.
Stephanie, you've
been rehearsing
for three days straight.
You're this close to
ballerina burnout.
- Stephanie.
Stephanie.
- Stephanie!
I am not Stephanie.
I'm a swan who's about
to kick the bucket.
Mhh.
Oh, God.
There's a dead swan
in the living room.
Joey..
...I'm alive.
I was just acting.
[gasps]
No! Get out of town.
Unbelievable!
Uh-oh. That's daddy.
I don't want him to see me
in my tutu until show time.
Yikes!
Sorry, I'm late.
I was editing my feature on
great moments in bowling
and I got held up
when I couldn't find
a second moment.
Oh, dad, after
Stephanie's recital
we hit the big sale
at the fashion mart.
Everything is half off.
Of course, that doesn't
save me any money
'cause you'll just buy
twice as much stuff, right?
- I like your attitude.
- 'Ha ha ha.'
It's Saturday afternoon
I'm all dressed up..
...and where am I going?
A munchkin ballet.
Uncle Jesse, hot outfit.
Help Joey.
[chuckling]
Very sharp, Joseph.
Where you going
after the ballet?
Don Ho's wedding?
[doorbell rings]
[chuckles]
Ciao.
Jesse, it's for you.
How do you know
she's not here to see me?
- Jesse!
- Adrianna, have mercy.
Whoo! Huhu! Whoo!
- How are you?
- Mm.
If she's here to see you
she's very nice to your friends.
Let me introduce
you to my roommates.
This is Danny Tanner
and this is King Kamehameha.
You guys will never guess
where I met this girl.
A PTA meeting?
Close. Skydiving.
[Italian accent]
He missed the target
and dropped right
into my Alfa Romeo.
"Dropped right my Alfa.."
I love that!
Anyway, she asked me
to come back to her place
and it turned out
her place was in Rome.
Who would've known?
Come on, I'll make
you some Spaghetti-Os.
Alright.
The guy is amazing.
He takes off, just like that
goes to Rome, no toothbrush
no clean underwear.
What a life!
Now, that is my fantasy.
You fantasize about
having bad breath
and dirty underwear?
[Michelle cooing]
Michelle! Hi, Michelle.
Oh, hi!
Say dada.
Say da..
Say blah blah blah.
She's so close. I can feel it.
Say dada. Come on.
[little baby voice]
Dada, okay?
Now get off my back.
[telephone rings]
Hello.
Really?
The station wants me to cover
the game of the week?
That's great!
Um...no, that's not great.
Look, my little girl
is having her first
ballet recital.
Any chance Stanford and UCLA
could delay the kickoff
you know,
like three, four hours?
[chuckles]
Hey, I took a shot.
Alright. Yeah, I'll be there.
You're gonna to miss my recital?
I'm really sorry, honey.
I feel terrible.
It's okay, dad, me and Steph
understand you have to work.
But it's great
having your dad on TV
right, Steph?
Yeah. That part's fun.
I guess this means we're
gonna miss the big sale, too.
That's okay, we can go
some other time
and pay full price.
[kissing]
Can I help you?
I need to talk to you.
Go ahead, talk.
So here's what I'm thinkin'.
I think I need to make
some changes in my life.
Bran. Eat more bran.
What I mean by change is..
...more danger
more excitement
more Adrianna.
I'll be right back.
And I'll be right here.
Heh heh.
Come here,
come here, come here.
What do you want?
I want your life.
- Were you always like this?
- No, I wasn't always like this.
I was like you.
Then I turned four.
I remember, man,
my dad got me my first bike.
Sailed into the driveway
I ripped off the training wheels
packed a bag,
and took off to adventure.
If my dad hadn't snagged me
I'd have made it all
the way to the Dairy Queen.
See? I love that story.
That's what I want.
A life without training wheels.
You know something, kid?
I like you.
I think I could
give you that life.
But you gotta understand
when you're talking
about a life like mine
you're talking about
living on the edge, man.
You're talking
about taking risks.
You're talking about..
...buying a new wardrobe.
Are you, Joseph Gladstone
ready to make
that kind of commitment?
I am ready to be committed.
- This is how you do it, right?
- Right. Uh-huh.
And now I get one.
- And--
- 'Oh.'
- Jesse!
- 'Okay.'
Jesse!
What could you possibly want?
How was Stephanie's recital?
She came out,
she danced, she died.
Oh, God. I wish
I could have been there.
Alright, I rushed home, there's
still time
to take the girls shopping.
Uh, don't worry
about it, I already took
care of it, I had to take Joey
shopping so I took the girls
to the sale,
saved you a few bucks.
Oh.
That was nice of you.
Hey, girls, come on downstairs
and model your new clothes
for your dad, go!
Uh, Jesse, why don't I
just wait for you
back at the hotel?
(Adrianna)
'And I'll try on'
this cute little
outfit you bought me.
Bye.
Have mercy.
[D.J. clears throat]
Oh, you're going to love this.
[runway music]
And now, the lovely Donna Jo.
'Donna Jo is sporting
that lovely fall look.'
'She's got a tomato-red hat'
'for that tomato-head look.'
'And, hey, look at
them shoulders, huh?'
Too much, baby.
Thank you, Donna Jo.
And now, Stephanie.
The young Stephanie,
just back from a show in Milan
'steps out in style
in her multicolored print.'
'She's a nice kid'
'but she's got a back problem.'
'Thank you, Stephanie.'
Thank you, Stephanie.
'Thank you, Stephanie.'
Thanks, Steph!
Ooh!
Oh, and now for the latest
in the always exciting world
of toddler fashion
'the lovely,
scintillating Michelle.'
'Michelle is sporting
that look that says'
'"Hey, babe.
It's the late eighties'
'and I'm loving
every minute of it."'
(Jesse)
'Grab her.'
Come here, you little weasel.
Looks like I missed out
on a really special day.
[sighs]
My little girls
they're growing up so fast.
And now, taking
a major fashion risk
is the ultimate macho macho man
Big Joe Stud!
[harpsichord music]
- 'Heh!'
- Joey!
Shut up, punk.
Joey, you know you actually make
Michael Jackson look tough.
- Mm, Michelle.
- Eldo.
You're gonna to be such a fox
when you get older.
Dada.
Jesse, my little girl
just called you dada.
Oh, no, no,
she didn't call me dada.
She called me,
uh, she called me dodo.
Well, here. Here's your dad.
There. Lay a dada
on him. Come on.
Hi. Remember me?
Remember? I'm your
biological dada.
Come on, you little muppet.
Man, the guy's
really asking for a dada.
Can't you give him
a dada? Come on.
I'm your Uncle Jesse.
Dada.
I'm not your dad.
Here. Give me the babe.
Dada.
Here.
Hi. It's me, dada!
Dada, dada, dada.
My sweet little baby
my own flesh and blood
thinks that you two
are her father.
Oh, my God!
[instrumental music]
My little baby doesn't have
the foggiest idea who I am.
How many of us
really know who we are?
This is all my fault.
I'm working too many hours.
I've got to spend more
time with my children.
Uncle Jesse bought us these
to go clubbing.
Can we keep them, dad?
"Dad". She called me dad.
Oh!
Girls, I am taking
all three of you out
for father-daughter day.
Alright, daddy!
She called me daddy, too.
[sighs]
Whoo! Pretty darn exciting, huh?
Want to jump
that fountain again?
It's alright.
Joseph, we're off the bike.
So, I should let go of you now.
Either that or we have
a lot of explaining to do
to my parents.
Get off!
Phew.
How'd you like that ride?
Jesse, it was a revelation.
I saw God!
In fact, I think we lapped him.
Alright, man, you got the look
you got the feel,
now all you gotta do
is get on
a bike and ride to adventure.
Yeah, baby!
- I'm hell-bound!
- Whoa, whoa!
You ain't hell-bound on my bike.
Nobody rides my bike but me.
You need a bike?
Take your pick.
And if you miss that vroom sound
put some cards in the spokes.
You know what you are?
You're a bike tease.
You get a guy all fired up
but then you say, "Uh-uh, no."
Well, I want danger
I want adventure
I want to ride your pig.
That's "hog".
Alright, Joey.
Once around the block.
Go ahead.
Now, listen, you be very,
very careful. You hear me?
[engine revving]
I can't watch this.
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Hold it!
What's your problem, dude?
You got to open
the garage door, dude.
Radical.
[instrumental music]
Daddy, why are you
making feet movies?
Because I love you
and I love your little feet.
What's going on?
Daddy loves me and he
loves my little feet.
I want to preserve
every minute of your lives.
I'm gonna go brush my teeth.
Do you want to reload?
Wait a minute, D.J.
Girls, I have
a surprise for you.
I am not going to work today.
Today is father-daughter
day, part two.
- Yay!
- 'Yay!'
Wait a minute, dad.
How can you do this?
Sunday's your busiest day.
I worked it out.
I'm working New Year's Eve
but I worked it out.
This is your day.
We can do whatever
you want to do.
What do you want to do?
Can we...take a cruise
around the bay?
It's your day.
Then can we go horseback riding?
It's your day.
Then can we buy a big-screen TV
a CD player,
and a couple of mopeds?
Why don't I just get
you your own MasterCard?
Ooh, it is my day.
[telephone rings]
Hello. Joey!
You've been gone
since yesterday.
You get your butt
back here right now..
..."Chill out, babe"?
Listen, you little
leather-clad weasel
I created you,
I can destroy you.
Hello? He..
...I never taught
him "chill out".
[instrumental music]
Shh!
Safe.
(Jesse)
'Ho, ho, ho.'
It's your last Christmas.
Tell Santa what kind
of tombstone you want.
- Jesse--
- I said once around the block.
Once around the block.
Where were you?
Jesse, I can explain everything.
Once. You know
what "once" means?
Do you know what "once" means?
Hi, girls!
Oh, yeah, like that
old trick's supposed to work.
- Hi, Uncle Jesse.
- Hi, Joey.
Ha ha ha.
Hey, girls, how are you?
I was just
welcoming home Joseph.
Girls, let's give the boys
a moment to get reacquainted.
- Ooh.
Ooh.
Alright, speak, geek.
You better have
one hell of a story.
Jesse, as soon as
I left the driveway
your spirit entered my body.
I knew that it was your spirit
because my hair expanded.
Alright, alright, quit
suckin' up and tell the story.
Then she appeared.
Five eleven, dressed from head
to toe in red leather.
And what did my spirit
tell you to do?
I threw the babe
on the back of the bike
popped a wheelie,
and said, "Have mercy".
Now, that's my spirit.
That's my spirit, see?
Then we cruised into Vegas
checked into Caesars.
Hit the crap tables
hour and a half later,
I'm up $14,000.
Fourteen thousand dollars.
That's a lot of money.
And you have a pretty girl..
...did you, uh, you know?
Yep. Got married.
- Then it got interesting.
- Oh.
We hopped on a jet
for the Big Apple.
- Helicoptered into Manhattan..
- Very nice.
...where we quickly
produced a revival
of the Broadway smash
"Porgie and Bess".
Mm.
You don't believe
a word of this, do you?
Not a syllable.
Well, let's give
the truth a whirl.
Okay.
I met a girl who lives
just down the street.
Um, she wasn't dressed
in red leather.
She had a nice wallet.
So we went to her place, uh,
where I did win $14,000..
...in Monopoly money.
Then I fell asleep on her couch.
You believe that, don't you?
Yeah. I have to.
You put a mile
and a half on the bike.
[laughs]
Jesse, I'm sorry
I was gone so long.
Hope I didn't let you down.
Aw, you didn't let me down.
Now, maybe you didn't have
a wild and crazy adventure
but you had a cute little..
...adventure-ette.
- And you know what I found out?
- Mm?
No matter what I wear
or what I'm riding on
I'm still gonna be Joey.
And you know something?
That's okay.
You're damn right it's okay.
Alright, Big Joe Stud.
Yeah, I guess
I am pretty studly.
Okay, out of my way, dude.
Going upstairs
to take a bubble bath.
Daddy, I love
father-daughter day.
(Danny)
'Me, too, sweetheart.'
But tomorrow
it's back to the real world.
I go back to work
and you girls go to school.
Ah, fudge.
- Goodnight.
Great day, huh, Deej?
Yeah, major fun. It was one of
the best days of my life.
You don't sound all that happy.
I'm happy, honest.
See? These are happy teeth.
I've known that
face since it was
the size of a tennis ball.
That is not a D.J. happy face.
Dad, for the last time,
I'm happy.
Happy, happy, happy, okay?
Okay.
Uh...Steph?
Honey, I'll bet you want to
get yourself a glass of water.
I'm not dumb.
You want me to leave.
Something's wrong.
Sweetie, I promise
if something's wrong
we'll make it all better.
Alright.
But if you need me,
I'll be in the bathroom
drinking water and waiting.
D.J.?
What's going on here?
You don't have to put on
a happy act for me.
It wasn't for you,
it was for Stephanie.
Well, Stephanie's
not here, honey.
What's going on?
It's just hard being brave
for my little sister
all the time.
Like when you couldn't
take me shopping
I felt terrible.
But I couldn't
show it because if
I did, Stephanie would cry
about you missing her recital.
D.J., you are
a terrific big sister
but no one has to put on
an act in this house.
Now, what's bothering you?
I don't know.
Today was so much fun.
You took us horseback riding
to the circus, to Marine World
but I kept getting
sadder and sadder.
What part depressed
you the most?
The circus clowns or Shamu?
Honey, maybe you were sad
for the same reason I was.
You were sad, too?
A little bit.
Because the more fun we had
the more I hated to see it end.
I wish we could have
days like this
all the time.
I really love being with you.
[sighs]
I love being with you, too.
[sighs]
But there is
no easy answer here.
I know you have to work.
I wish I could be in
two places at once but I can't.
[sighs]
Mm.
You know, I feel better.
You do?
Yeah, we didn't solve anything
but just talking about it helps.
It helps me, too.
And, D.J., I promise,
I'm gonna find more time
to spend with you girls.
And anytime you want to see me
you can always
pull me out of school.
Especially if you want to
see me during math class.
[laughs]
Now, that's a D.J. happy face.
Uh, come here,
little tennis-ball head.
Hi, honey.
'You may not remember today'
but it was one of the best days
of my life.
I love you, Michelle.
Goodnight, sweetheart.
Dada.
Yeah!
[theme music]
♪ Ah ah ah ♪♪
[music continues]