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[theme music]
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♪ What ever happened
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to predictability ♪
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♪ The milkman
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the paperboy ♪
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♪ Evenin' TV ♪
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♪ How did I get
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to livin' here ♪
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♪ Somebody tell me please ♪
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♪ This old world's
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confusing me ♪
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♪ Clouds as mean
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as you've ever seen ♪
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♪ Ain't a bird
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that knows your tune ♪
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♪ Then a little voice
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inside you whispers ♪
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♪ Kid don't sell
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your dreams so soon ♪
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♪ Everywhere you look
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Everywhere you go ♪
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♪ There's a heart ♪
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♪ A hand to hold on to ♪
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♪ Everywhere you look
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Everywhere you go ♪
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♪ There's a face ♪
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♪ Of somebody who needs you ♪
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♪ Everywhere you look ♪
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♪ When you're lost out there
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and you're all alone ♪
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♪ A light is waitin'
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to carry you home ♪
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♪ Everywhere you look ♪
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♪ Everywhere you look ♪♪
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[thunder crashing]
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- Aah!
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- Aah!
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(Danny)
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'Joey!'
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What's going on down here?
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What's with all the screaming?
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Danny, this psycho
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was about to mash my potato.
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I was not.
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I heard a noise down here.
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- I thought it was a prowler.
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- Liar.
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Shh!
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Follow me. It's over here.
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- Hello?
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- Oh!
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Don't ever say hello
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to your father like that again.
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Do you guys play baseball
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every night
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after we go to sleep?
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Well, actually, girls, um..
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...your Uncle Jesse's
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holding a bat
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because he's a wee bit
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miffed at me.
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A wee bit miffed?
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I'm miffed off.
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When I think about what
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you did to me tonight--
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Come on, Jesse,
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let's let bygones be bygones.
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Alright. Bye. You're gone.
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I don't know
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what's going on here
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but why don't you guys
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just stop this and..
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...give each other a hug?
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A high five?
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I'm not in the mood.
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You know why?
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I'll tell you why.
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It's all because
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of a little story entitled
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"Mean Mr. Joey stabs
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sweet, innocent Uncle Jesse
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in the back."
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- Story time.
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- Yeah.
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Girls, you don't want to hear
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"Mean Mr. Joey stabs
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sweet, innocent Uncle Jesse
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in the back," do you?
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Yeah. It's got a great title.
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Alright, one quick story.
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But don't even think about
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staying up to watch "Letterman."
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This better be PG.
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It all started last week.
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The exterminator business
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was slow
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so I decided to start
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teaching guitar.
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I was waiting
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for my new student to show up.
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[guitar music]
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♪ She's a lady ♪
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Alright, she's not.
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♪ She's a woman ♪
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♪ She's a muchacha ♪
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Maybe she's a man.
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Uncle Jesse..
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there's a girl
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here to see you.
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This one's great.
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Oh. That must be
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my new guitar student.
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Yeah, right.
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Come on in!
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Hi.
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[strums]
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I'm Corinna Spicer.
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I'm Jesse Cochran.
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I'm outta here.
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Corinna?
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That's-that's
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a real pretty name.
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So, welcome to the, uh,
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Jesse Cochran school of music.
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- I'll take this, please.
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- Thanks.
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Interesting decor.
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I don't meet a lot of men
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with little pink bunnies
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on their walls.
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I'm also a mouseketeer.
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I like that in a man.
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Good, because today
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is "anything can happen" day.
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Here, take a seat.
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Why? Because we like you.
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- I kill myself.
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- Uh.
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But, Jesse, I have to warn you.
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I have absolutely
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no musical experience.
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I teach second grade
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and I wanna accompany
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my kids on sing-alongs.
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That's wonderful!
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You get to work
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with children.
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I love youngsters.
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- Uncle Jesse--
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- Not now.
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Aww.
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Aww!
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Poor Mr. Teddy.
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I'll tell you what,
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as soon as we're done
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I'll help you sew
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Mr. Teddy's head
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right back on to
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Mr. Teddy's body.
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Okay, honeybunch, sugar pie?
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Honeybunch? Sugar pie?
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This is weird.
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[laughing]
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You're pretty.
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Watch him.
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[chuckles]
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My little niece.
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I could just..
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Okay..
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Back to music.
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Alright, now.
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I'm gonna teach you
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two simple chords.
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And in no time you're gonna be
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playing a song. Alright?
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First chord, it's an A chord.
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[chuckles]
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A chord!
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You're real pretty
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when you smile like that.
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Sorry. B-back to music.
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[clears throat]
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Anyway, the next chord
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would be a D chord.
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Which is this note,
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this note, and that note.
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Try that.
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Um..
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[guitar strums]
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Perfect. Good.
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You now have
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more musical knowledge
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than Twisted Sister.
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With those two chords,
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you can play 374 tunes
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including such
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campfire favorites as..
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♪ Hang down your head
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Tom Dooley ♪
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♪ Hang down your head ♪
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♪ Wise men say ♪
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♪ Only fools rush in ♪
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♪ But I ♪
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♪ I just can't help ♪
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♪ Falling in love ♪
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♪ With you ♪
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♪ Hang down your head
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Tom Dooley ♪
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Everybody sing along.
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♪ Poor boy you're bound to die ♪
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There's that chord again.
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Very nice.
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Let's try the strum.
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This one, that one, this one,
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that one. Good.
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(Jesse)
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After the lesson,
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I invited Corinna
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out for a little ride
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on my motorcycle.
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Seven hours later..
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- Wa!
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- Wa!
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That's the power laugh.
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That's good.
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You wanna stay and have a drink?
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Oh, I really can't.
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I have other plans.
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But thank you for a great day.
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A guitar lesson,
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a picnic by the bay.
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Candlelight dinner
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in the wine country.
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You do this
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for all your students?
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Well, that was
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the deluxe lesson.
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That will be $475.
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- The check's in the mail.
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- Alright.
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I'll see you next lesson,
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Wednesday night?
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Okay.
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Corinna.
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I had a really
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nice time today.
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- Ew!
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- Ew!
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Those are my nieces.
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- Bye, Jesse.
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- Bye, Corinna.
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Have mercy.
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Don't ever "Ew"
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when your uncle's kissing.
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[giggling]
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Joey, this was actually cleaner
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when food was cooking in it.
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Jesse, we saved you some chili.
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Not hungry.
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Oh, brother, not again.
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Okay..
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What's her name?
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Corinna.
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Corinna?
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Don't you ever meet
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a Debbie or a Susie?
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Okay, fine. You guys crack
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all the jokes you want.
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But I'm telling you..
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...when our eyes met,
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there was magic.
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With you there's always magic
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because you wear a top hat
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and pull white doves
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out of your pants.
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Fine. That's fine.
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In Jesse's defense..
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...when it comes to love..
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...I think anything is possible.
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I felt the same instant
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magic when I met Pam.
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She walked into
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my 10th grade geometry class
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sat down right next to me,
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and I said..
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[high-pitched]
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"Hi. Can I borrow
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your slide rule?"
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You didn't reach puberty
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by the 10th grade?
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Not till I met Pam.
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The next morning
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I woke up with a mustache.
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I'm sorry.
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No sale, boys.
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Love just does not
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happen that fast.
298
00:09:31,112 --> 00:09:33,407
Hey, guys, you know
299
00:09:31,112 --> 00:09:33,407
how I know it's real?
300
00:09:34,324 --> 00:09:36,284
I can't stop smiling.
301
00:09:36,326 --> 00:09:39,746
I'm just smiling away
302
00:09:36,326 --> 00:09:39,746
like I'm Nancy Reagan.
303
00:09:42,207 --> 00:09:44,376
I just can't stop smiling.
304
00:09:45,752 --> 00:09:48,671
I stopped, thanks to him.
305
00:09:48,713 --> 00:09:50,882
But Corinna and me
306
00:09:48,713 --> 00:09:50,882
were madly in love.
307
00:09:50,924 --> 00:09:52,884
We did see him kissing.
308
00:09:52,926 --> 00:09:54,969
- Ew!
309
00:09:52,926 --> 00:09:54,969
- Ew!
310
00:09:55,011 --> 00:09:58,139
Jesse, please stop making out
311
00:09:55,011 --> 00:09:58,139
in front of my kids.
312
00:09:58,181 --> 00:10:00,350
Mr. Back-stabber..
313
00:10:00,392 --> 00:10:03,186
...why don't you tell everybody
314
00:10:00,392 --> 00:10:03,186
what you did today?
315
00:10:04,479 --> 00:10:07,815
Well, I woke up,
316
00:10:04,479 --> 00:10:07,815
turned off the alarm
317
00:10:07,857 --> 00:10:09,276
did that stretching thing--
318
00:10:09,317 --> 00:10:11,819
Not the stretching thing,
319
00:10:09,317 --> 00:10:11,819
the back-stabbing thing!
320
00:10:11,861 --> 00:10:13,738
Hey, could you pick up
321
00:10:11,861 --> 00:10:13,738
the pace a little bit?
322
00:10:13,780 --> 00:10:14,781
I'd like to get
323
00:10:13,780 --> 00:10:14,781
the girls to bed
324
00:10:14,822 --> 00:10:16,241
before "Good morning, America."
325
00:10:18,452 --> 00:10:20,287
Well, it was stormy, and..
326
00:10:20,328 --> 00:10:21,996
...me and Danny and the girls
327
00:10:20,328 --> 00:10:21,996
were getting ready
328
00:10:22,038 --> 00:10:23,498
to watch "The Wizard of Oz."
329
00:10:25,708 --> 00:10:28,753
Here we go. Popcorn du jour.
330
00:10:28,795 --> 00:10:30,755
All in honor of Stephanie's
331
00:10:28,795 --> 00:10:30,755
first viewing
332
00:10:30,797 --> 00:10:32,382
of "The Wizard of Oz."
333
00:10:32,424 --> 00:10:34,008
I'm psyched.
334
00:10:34,050 --> 00:10:36,094
You should be, honey.
335
00:10:34,050 --> 00:10:36,094
It's the sweetest little movie.
336
00:10:36,136 --> 00:10:37,678
There's this pretty girl Dorothy
337
00:10:37,720 --> 00:10:39,931
and she's got this
338
00:10:37,720 --> 00:10:39,931
adorable dog Toto
339
00:10:39,973 --> 00:10:42,934
who gets kidnapped
340
00:10:39,973 --> 00:10:42,934
by this horrible witch.
341
00:10:42,976 --> 00:10:44,185
But she gets her dog back
342
00:10:44,227 --> 00:10:45,853
and her house flies
343
00:10:44,227 --> 00:10:45,853
through the air
344
00:10:45,895 --> 00:10:49,608
and then it-it lands
345
00:10:45,895 --> 00:10:49,608
on this other horrible witch
346
00:10:49,649 --> 00:10:52,235
whose feet curl up
347
00:10:49,649 --> 00:10:52,235
like party favors.
348
00:10:52,277 --> 00:10:53,653
[doorbell rings]
349
00:10:53,694 --> 00:10:55,780
Trust me, honey.
350
00:10:53,694 --> 00:10:55,780
It's the sweetest little movie.
351
00:10:57,240 --> 00:10:59,951
Hi. I'm, uh, Joey.
352
00:10:57,240 --> 00:10:59,951
Can I help you, please?
353
00:10:59,993 --> 00:11:02,496
- I'm here to see Jesse.
354
00:10:59,993 --> 00:11:02,496
- Aren't they all?
355
00:11:02,537 --> 00:11:04,998
I'm Corinna Spencer.
356
00:11:02,537 --> 00:11:04,998
I have a guitar lesson.
357
00:11:05,039 --> 00:11:07,542
Oh, Jesse called to say
358
00:11:05,039 --> 00:11:07,542
he's running a little bit late.
359
00:11:07,584 --> 00:11:09,919
Uh, would you like to watch
360
00:11:07,584 --> 00:11:09,919
"The Wizard of Oz" with us?
361
00:11:09,961 --> 00:11:11,296
Oh, that's
362
00:11:09,961 --> 00:11:11,296
my favorite movie. Yeah.
363
00:11:11,338 --> 00:11:13,298
Uh, it's mine, too.
364
00:11:11,338 --> 00:11:13,298
Come on in.
365
00:11:14,966 --> 00:11:18,094
Uh, Corinna, this is Danny,
366
00:11:14,966 --> 00:11:18,094
Stephanie, DJ, and Michelle.
367
00:11:18,136 --> 00:11:19,179
- Corinna.
368
00:11:18,136 --> 00:11:19,179
- Hi.
369
00:11:19,220 --> 00:11:20,347
- Hi.
370
00:11:19,220 --> 00:11:20,347
- Hi.
371
00:11:20,388 --> 00:11:21,640
[thunder rumbling]
372
00:11:21,680 --> 00:11:24,518
Oh, dad, something happened
373
00:11:21,680 --> 00:11:24,518
to the TV.
374
00:11:24,559 --> 00:11:26,520
It's snowing in Kansas.
375
00:11:26,561 --> 00:11:29,356
The cable goes out every
376
00:11:26,561 --> 00:11:29,356
time there's a storm.
377
00:11:29,397 --> 00:11:30,940
Fix it.
378
00:11:30,982 --> 00:11:33,109
Steph, this is not something
379
00:11:30,982 --> 00:11:33,109
I can fix.
380
00:11:33,151 --> 00:11:34,528
Fix it.
381
00:11:34,569 --> 00:11:36,363
Steph, I'm gonna call
382
00:11:34,569 --> 00:11:36,363
the cable company.
383
00:11:36,404 --> 00:11:38,948
You'll get a busy signal.
384
00:11:38,990 --> 00:11:40,992
Fix it.
385
00:11:41,034 --> 00:11:43,744
Why wasn't I born
386
00:11:41,034 --> 00:11:43,744
a cable repairman?
387
00:11:43,786 --> 00:11:46,414
Hey, no problem. I do that
388
00:11:43,786 --> 00:11:46,414
"Wizard of Oz" bit in my act.
389
00:11:46,456 --> 00:11:50,001
Somebody do something.
390
00:11:46,456 --> 00:11:50,001
I'm very upset.
391
00:11:50,043 --> 00:11:52,711
Okay, everybody gather around
392
00:11:50,043 --> 00:11:52,711
for "The Wizard of Oz."
393
00:11:52,753 --> 00:11:56,299
Grab a seat right in front.
394
00:11:52,753 --> 00:11:56,299
Here we go.
395
00:11:56,341 --> 00:11:58,468
[imitating wind]
396
00:11:59,844 --> 00:12:01,388
[high-pitched]
397
00:11:59,844 --> 00:12:01,388
Dorothy, Dorothy!
398
00:12:01,429 --> 00:12:03,139
[higher-pitched]
399
00:12:01,429 --> 00:12:03,139
Aunty Em, Aunty Em!
400
00:12:03,181 --> 00:12:06,767
A twister! A twister!
401
00:12:03,181 --> 00:12:06,767
A twister!
402
00:12:06,809 --> 00:12:09,020
[cackling]
403
00:12:10,021 --> 00:12:11,939
[imitating wind]
404
00:12:16,403 --> 00:12:18,613
[imitating owl hooting]
405
00:12:18,655 --> 00:12:20,865
Oh, it sure is scary
406
00:12:18,655 --> 00:12:20,865
around these parts.
407
00:12:20,907 --> 00:12:25,036
There's probably lions
408
00:12:20,907 --> 00:12:25,036
and tigers and bears.
409
00:12:25,078 --> 00:12:26,454
Oh, my. Come on, you guys.
410
00:12:26,496 --> 00:12:30,291
(both)
411
00:12:26,496 --> 00:12:30,291
Lions and tigers
412
00:12:26,496 --> 00:12:30,291
and bears. Oh, my!
413
00:12:30,333 --> 00:12:33,461
Lions and tigers
414
00:12:30,333 --> 00:12:33,461
and bears. Oh, my!
415
00:12:33,503 --> 00:12:37,882
Rruuff! Ha ha ha ha ha!
416
00:12:37,924 --> 00:12:39,758
Put 'em up. Put 'em up.
417
00:12:39,800 --> 00:12:44,972
♪ If I were king
418
00:12:39,800 --> 00:12:44,972
of the forest ♪
419
00:12:45,014 --> 00:12:46,641
Ha ha ha.
420
00:12:48,518 --> 00:12:52,522
I am the great and powerful Oz!
421
00:12:55,983 --> 00:12:59,904
Ssss! I'm melting! Melting!
422
00:12:59,946 --> 00:13:01,531
I feel like...butter.
423
00:13:02,990 --> 00:13:05,034
You've always had the power
424
00:13:02,990 --> 00:13:05,034
to get back to Kansas.
425
00:13:05,076 --> 00:13:07,370
Just click your heels
426
00:13:05,076 --> 00:13:07,370
together three times and say..
427
00:13:07,412 --> 00:13:11,499
"There's no place like home.
428
00:13:07,412 --> 00:13:11,499
There's no place like home.
429
00:13:11,541 --> 00:13:13,376
'There's no place like home."'
430
00:13:13,418 --> 00:13:14,793
[imitating wind]
431
00:13:14,835 --> 00:13:16,588
Ah! Dorothy, wake up.
432
00:13:16,630 --> 00:13:18,131
Your teeth are finished.
433
00:13:19,132 --> 00:13:22,218
[clapping]
434
00:13:25,764 --> 00:13:27,348
Well, what did you think?
435
00:13:27,390 --> 00:13:28,516
Fix it!
436
00:13:30,268 --> 00:13:32,186
Oh, Joey, I loved it.
437
00:13:32,228 --> 00:13:35,064
Yeah. That was
438
00:13:32,228 --> 00:13:35,064
an incredible simulation.
439
00:13:35,106 --> 00:13:37,858
I hope you don't feel bad
440
00:13:35,106 --> 00:13:37,858
when I rent the tape tomorrow.
441
00:13:37,900 --> 00:13:39,152
Okay, girls, come on.
442
00:13:39,193 --> 00:13:40,695
It's time to get you
443
00:13:39,193 --> 00:13:40,695
into your pajamas
444
00:13:40,737 --> 00:13:41,820
and ready for bed.
445
00:13:41,862 --> 00:13:43,239
- Aww.
446
00:13:41,862 --> 00:13:43,239
- Aww.
447
00:13:43,281 --> 00:13:45,158
This should only take
448
00:13:43,281 --> 00:13:45,158
five or six hours.
449
00:13:46,409 --> 00:13:48,286
- 'Goodnight, Joey.'
450
00:13:46,409 --> 00:13:48,286
- 'Goodnight, Joey.'
451
00:13:48,328 --> 00:13:49,996
- 'Goodnight.'
452
00:13:48,328 --> 00:13:49,996
- 'Goodnight.'
453
00:13:50,037 --> 00:13:52,415
[chuckles]
454
00:13:50,037 --> 00:13:52,415
Oh, great kids.
455
00:13:52,457 --> 00:13:53,625
Yeah, they're the greatest kids
456
00:13:53,667 --> 00:13:55,376
in the history of kids.
457
00:13:55,418 --> 00:13:58,546
I love how children
458
00:13:55,418 --> 00:13:58,546
are so open and natural.
459
00:13:58,588 --> 00:14:00,256
I think that's why
460
00:13:58,588 --> 00:14:00,256
I went into teaching.
461
00:14:00,298 --> 00:14:02,383
That's why
462
00:14:00,298 --> 00:14:02,383
I refuse to grow up.
463
00:14:02,425 --> 00:14:05,345
Oh, you seem
464
00:14:02,425 --> 00:14:05,345
pretty grown up to me.
465
00:14:05,386 --> 00:14:06,763
[chuckles]
466
00:14:05,386 --> 00:14:06,763
Who? Me?
467
00:14:06,805 --> 00:14:08,139
The guy who keeps
468
00:14:06,805 --> 00:14:08,139
Abe Lincoln on a stick
469
00:14:08,181 --> 00:14:09,974
in his bedroom?
470
00:14:10,016 --> 00:14:12,477
Joey, you are so funny.
471
00:14:12,519 --> 00:14:14,771
I-I think that
472
00:14:12,519 --> 00:14:14,771
a sense of, uh, humor
473
00:14:14,813 --> 00:14:17,732
is a very sexy
474
00:14:14,813 --> 00:14:17,732
quality in a man.
475
00:14:17,774 --> 00:14:19,651
Your girlfriend must adore you.
476
00:14:19,693 --> 00:14:22,153
Oh, I don't-I don't
477
00:14:19,693 --> 00:14:22,153
have a girlfriend.
478
00:14:22,195 --> 00:14:24,656
- You're not seeing anybody?
479
00:14:22,195 --> 00:14:24,656
- Well, sort of.
480
00:14:24,698 --> 00:14:28,201
I'm seeing the dentist
481
00:14:24,698 --> 00:14:28,201
next Wednesday.
482
00:14:28,242 --> 00:14:31,579
Well, if things don't work out
483
00:14:28,242 --> 00:14:31,579
between you and the dentist..
484
00:14:31,621 --> 00:14:34,499
...maybe you and I
485
00:14:31,621 --> 00:14:34,499
could get together.
486
00:14:35,750 --> 00:14:37,377
Well, Dr. Hoffman's pretty cute
487
00:14:37,418 --> 00:14:40,171
but he is married.
488
00:14:40,213 --> 00:14:42,882
So, uh, pick a time.
489
00:14:42,923 --> 00:14:46,427
How about right after
490
00:14:42,923 --> 00:14:46,427
my guitar lesson with Jesse?
491
00:14:46,469 --> 00:14:48,888
Jesse. Corinna.
492
00:14:48,929 --> 00:14:51,182
Jesse...yeah.
493
00:14:51,224 --> 00:14:53,727
Uh, yeah. Excuse me.
494
00:14:53,768 --> 00:14:56,229
I'm gonna go check on
495
00:14:53,768 --> 00:14:56,229
something in the kitchen.
496
00:15:01,776 --> 00:15:04,654
- Can I give you a hand?
497
00:15:01,776 --> 00:15:04,654
- Uh, no. I'm doing fine.
498
00:15:06,322 --> 00:15:08,157
Okay. Okay.
499
00:15:08,199 --> 00:15:10,535
What exactly
500
00:15:08,199 --> 00:15:10,535
are you checking on?
501
00:15:10,577 --> 00:15:13,037
Oh, I'm just doing
502
00:15:10,577 --> 00:15:13,037
some, uh, random checking.
503
00:15:13,872 --> 00:15:15,998
There's salt, pepper.
504
00:15:16,040 --> 00:15:17,083
Duck.
505
00:15:17,124 --> 00:15:18,418
Stove.
506
00:15:18,459 --> 00:15:20,336
Sink. Faucet.
507
00:15:20,378 --> 00:15:22,338
Jesse's girl.
508
00:15:22,380 --> 00:15:23,882
Well, everything checks out.
509
00:15:25,508 --> 00:15:28,386
You know, he's really
510
00:15:25,508 --> 00:15:28,386
crazy about you.
511
00:15:28,428 --> 00:15:30,805
Yeah, well,
512
00:15:28,428 --> 00:15:30,805
Jesse's really a terrific guy
513
00:15:30,847 --> 00:15:34,475
and we had a really
514
00:15:30,847 --> 00:15:34,475
nice day together.
515
00:15:34,517 --> 00:15:36,143
But to be honest,
516
00:15:34,517 --> 00:15:36,143
there was nothing
517
00:15:36,185 --> 00:15:37,812
really special between us.
518
00:15:37,854 --> 00:15:40,314
That's not exactly
519
00:15:37,854 --> 00:15:40,314
how Jesse puts it.
520
00:15:40,356 --> 00:15:42,734
And if there's one thing
521
00:15:40,356 --> 00:15:42,734
in life that's sacred..
522
00:15:42,776 --> 00:15:44,778
...you never mess
523
00:15:42,776 --> 00:15:44,778
with a buddy's girl.
524
00:15:44,819 --> 00:15:46,446
But I'm not his girl.
525
00:15:46,487 --> 00:15:47,822
All Jesse and I
526
00:15:46,487 --> 00:15:47,822
had between us
527
00:15:47,864 --> 00:15:50,199
was one little
528
00:15:47,864 --> 00:15:50,199
innocent kiss goodbye.
529
00:15:50,241 --> 00:15:52,118
It was nothing, really.
530
00:15:52,159 --> 00:15:54,704
It was one of these.
531
00:15:54,746 --> 00:15:57,707
Oh, that right there,
532
00:15:54,746 --> 00:15:57,707
that was-that was nothing.
533
00:15:57,749 --> 00:16:00,209
It's how I kiss my grandmother.
534
00:16:00,251 --> 00:16:02,837
You must be very close.
535
00:16:02,879 --> 00:16:05,506
It was like four lips
536
00:16:02,879 --> 00:16:05,506
shaking hands.
537
00:16:05,548 --> 00:16:07,634
Look, I know.
538
00:16:05,548 --> 00:16:07,634
We can try it again.
539
00:16:15,141 --> 00:16:16,267
[thunder crashing]
540
00:16:20,730 --> 00:16:22,231
Oh, good. You're home.
541
00:16:29,405 --> 00:16:30,364
[thunder rumbling]
542
00:16:30,406 --> 00:16:32,992
(Joey)
543
00:16:30,406 --> 00:16:32,992
So where was I?
544
00:16:33,033 --> 00:16:36,496
I came in and found you
545
00:16:33,033 --> 00:16:36,496
kissing the woman of my dreams.
546
00:16:36,537 --> 00:16:37,831
Oh, yeah.
547
00:16:37,872 --> 00:16:39,874
Good memory.
548
00:16:39,916 --> 00:16:41,417
'So there we were.'
549
00:16:41,459 --> 00:16:43,085
Jesse had walked in to find me
550
00:16:43,127 --> 00:16:45,171
kissing the woman of his dreams.
551
00:16:49,216 --> 00:16:50,468
Oh, good. You're home.
552
00:16:52,386 --> 00:16:55,139
What the hell's
553
00:16:52,386 --> 00:16:55,139
going on here?
554
00:16:55,181 --> 00:16:57,433
Well, Jesse, actually,
555
00:16:55,181 --> 00:16:57,433
it's-it's very simple.
556
00:16:57,475 --> 00:17:00,687
Um, Corinna was choking
557
00:16:57,475 --> 00:17:00,687
on some bad cheese
558
00:17:00,728 --> 00:17:03,439
so I initiated
559
00:17:00,728 --> 00:17:03,439
a Heimlich maneuver.
560
00:17:03,481 --> 00:17:05,274
And when that didn't work
561
00:17:05,316 --> 00:17:08,695
I tried to suck out
562
00:17:05,316 --> 00:17:08,695
the cheese..
563
00:17:08,736 --> 00:17:10,404
...using the hoover maneuver.
564
00:17:12,907 --> 00:17:14,283
So you weren't kissing?
565
00:17:14,325 --> 00:17:16,327
You were searching for cheese?
566
00:17:18,496 --> 00:17:19,831
You look upset.
567
00:17:19,873 --> 00:17:21,958
Oh, why would I be upset?
568
00:17:22,000 --> 00:17:24,544
You saving the life of someone
569
00:17:22,000 --> 00:17:24,544
who's very special to me.
570
00:17:24,585 --> 00:17:27,005
- Jesse--
571
00:17:24,585 --> 00:17:27,005
- Oh, Corinna, please.
572
00:17:27,046 --> 00:17:28,422
Now, I'm not really in the mood
573
00:17:28,464 --> 00:17:29,841
to give a guitar lesson tonight.
574
00:17:29,883 --> 00:17:31,384
Besides, you're probably
575
00:17:29,883 --> 00:17:31,384
still reeling
576
00:17:31,425 --> 00:17:33,260
from that near death by cheese.
577
00:17:34,428 --> 00:17:36,472
Why don't you
578
00:17:34,428 --> 00:17:36,472
go home and practice?
579
00:17:41,811 --> 00:17:43,688
Jesse, wait a minute.
580
00:17:43,730 --> 00:17:46,733
There's something
581
00:17:43,730 --> 00:17:46,733
I have to say.
582
00:17:46,774 --> 00:17:48,526
Corinna really wasn't choking
583
00:17:48,568 --> 00:17:49,944
on any bad cheese.
584
00:17:49,986 --> 00:17:51,111
No!
585
00:17:53,364 --> 00:17:54,365
We were kissing.
586
00:17:54,407 --> 00:17:55,533
No!
587
00:17:58,745 --> 00:18:01,288
Corinna, Joey and I
588
00:17:58,745 --> 00:18:01,288
should probably, uh..
589
00:18:01,330 --> 00:18:02,832
have a word together alone.
590
00:18:05,793 --> 00:18:09,005
Look, I'm-I'm really sorry
591
00:18:05,793 --> 00:18:09,005
if there's any misunderstanding.
592
00:18:09,047 --> 00:18:10,339
I didn't mean
593
00:18:09,047 --> 00:18:10,339
to cause any trouble.
594
00:18:10,381 --> 00:18:11,674
Oh, there won't be any trouble.
595
00:18:11,716 --> 00:18:13,342
Jesse and I are
596
00:18:11,716 --> 00:18:13,342
very close friends.
597
00:18:13,384 --> 00:18:16,012
We'll have a heart to heart
598
00:18:13,384 --> 00:18:16,012
and work this thing out
599
00:18:16,054 --> 00:18:18,973
in a very calm,
600
00:18:16,054 --> 00:18:18,973
rational, adult manner.
601
00:18:28,649 --> 00:18:30,568
Come here! Come here, you!
602
00:18:34,238 --> 00:18:35,531
Freeze!
603
00:18:35,573 --> 00:18:37,241
I have a baby
604
00:18:35,573 --> 00:18:37,241
and I know how to use it.
605
00:18:37,283 --> 00:18:40,578
- Joey--
606
00:18:37,283 --> 00:18:40,578
- I'm warning you, she's loaded.
607
00:18:40,620 --> 00:18:42,455
Put the baby down.
608
00:18:42,496 --> 00:18:44,373
Not a chance.
609
00:18:44,415 --> 00:18:46,333
Good.
610
00:18:46,375 --> 00:18:48,127
Okay, fine. I'll wait.
611
00:18:48,168 --> 00:18:50,088
You've got to put
612
00:18:48,168 --> 00:18:50,088
the kid down sometime.
613
00:18:50,129 --> 00:18:51,672
Two or three days,
614
00:18:50,129 --> 00:18:51,672
that diaper's gonna weigh
615
00:18:51,714 --> 00:18:53,173
five to six hundred pounds.
616
00:18:55,093 --> 00:18:57,428
Jesse, I'm really sorry.
617
00:18:57,470 --> 00:18:59,013
I should have stopped
618
00:18:57,470 --> 00:18:59,013
everything cold
619
00:18:59,055 --> 00:19:01,015
before anything happened.
620
00:19:01,057 --> 00:19:02,266
I should have talked to you.
621
00:19:02,308 --> 00:19:04,351
- Really?
622
00:19:02,308 --> 00:19:04,351
- Yeah, you-you were right.
623
00:19:04,393 --> 00:19:06,562
I-I felt this instant magic
624
00:19:06,604 --> 00:19:08,397
and I fell in love with her.
625
00:19:08,439 --> 00:19:09,690
You fell in love with her?
626
00:19:09,732 --> 00:19:10,942
You can't fall
627
00:19:09,732 --> 00:19:10,942
in love with her, man.
628
00:19:10,984 --> 00:19:13,569
I fell in love with her first!
629
00:19:13,611 --> 00:19:15,780
I'm sorry,
630
00:19:13,611 --> 00:19:15,780
but she likes me more.
631
00:19:15,822 --> 00:19:18,658
How can she like you
632
00:19:15,822 --> 00:19:18,658
more than she likes me?
633
00:19:18,699 --> 00:19:21,661
Boys, stop this.
634
00:19:21,702 --> 00:19:24,080
Michelle has enough love
635
00:19:21,702 --> 00:19:24,080
for all of us.
636
00:19:25,164 --> 00:19:26,749
Don't make her choose.
637
00:19:26,791 --> 00:19:28,960
Now, both of you,
638
00:19:26,791 --> 00:19:28,960
give her a kiss.
639
00:19:29,002 --> 00:19:30,795
Go ahead. Give her a kiss.
640
00:19:32,421 --> 00:19:33,547
[Michelle cooing]
641
00:19:43,933 --> 00:19:46,435
So now a second woman
642
00:19:43,933 --> 00:19:46,435
had come between us.
643
00:19:46,477 --> 00:19:47,937
I wanted to talk things out
644
00:19:47,979 --> 00:19:51,398
but Jesse said
645
00:19:47,979 --> 00:19:51,398
he couldn't stand to look at me.
646
00:19:51,440 --> 00:19:53,067
Apparently, a Louisville slugger
647
00:19:53,109 --> 00:19:54,986
puts him in the mood
648
00:19:53,109 --> 00:19:54,986
for a conversation.
649
00:19:55,028 --> 00:19:58,405
I told you I heard a noise.
650
00:19:55,028 --> 00:19:58,405
I wasn't gonna bat you.
651
00:19:58,447 --> 00:20:01,034
Alright, girls,
652
00:19:58,447 --> 00:20:01,034
it's time to go to sleep.
653
00:20:01,075 --> 00:20:02,869
Your Uncle Jesse
654
00:20:01,075 --> 00:20:02,869
and Joey have told you
655
00:20:02,910 --> 00:20:04,745
a wonderful bedtime story.
656
00:20:04,787 --> 00:20:06,372
I'm sure you'll have visions
657
00:20:06,413 --> 00:20:09,876
of jealous little sugarplums
658
00:20:06,413 --> 00:20:09,876
dancing in your heads.
659
00:20:09,917 --> 00:20:13,171
Wait a minute.
660
00:20:09,917 --> 00:20:13,171
How does the story end?
661
00:20:13,212 --> 00:20:16,049
Well, Joey's guilt
662
00:20:13,212 --> 00:20:16,049
drives him totally insane.
663
00:20:16,090 --> 00:20:17,466
But no one knows
664
00:20:16,090 --> 00:20:17,466
the difference.
665
00:20:19,052 --> 00:20:20,720
I don't think so.
666
00:20:20,761 --> 00:20:23,305
Wake us up and tell us
667
00:20:20,761 --> 00:20:23,305
who gets the girl.
668
00:20:23,347 --> 00:20:24,682
There's a whole different world
669
00:20:24,724 --> 00:20:27,810
that starts the second
670
00:20:24,724 --> 00:20:27,810
we go to sleep.
671
00:20:27,852 --> 00:20:29,562
- Goodnight.
672
00:20:27,852 --> 00:20:29,562
- Goodnight.
673
00:20:31,397 --> 00:20:32,815
Guys, come here.
674
00:20:32,857 --> 00:20:34,692
What do you want now?
675
00:20:34,734 --> 00:20:36,527
Before you guys duel
676
00:20:34,734 --> 00:20:36,527
to the death
677
00:20:36,569 --> 00:20:38,738
let's have one more
678
00:20:36,569 --> 00:20:38,738
conversation to work this out.
679
00:20:38,779 --> 00:20:40,447
Not with this scum.
680
00:20:40,489 --> 00:20:43,201
Okay, then, just talk to me.
681
00:20:43,242 --> 00:20:45,285
Let me ask you boys
682
00:20:43,242 --> 00:20:45,285
a question or two
683
00:20:45,327 --> 00:20:47,580
about your beloved Corinna.
684
00:20:47,621 --> 00:20:49,916
What are the things she cares
685
00:20:47,621 --> 00:20:49,916
about most in the world?
686
00:20:52,459 --> 00:20:55,588
What does she look for
687
00:20:52,459 --> 00:20:55,588
in a relationship with a man?
688
00:20:57,673 --> 00:20:59,675
Let's try this one.
689
00:20:57,673 --> 00:20:59,675
What color are her eyes?
690
00:20:59,717 --> 00:21:00,760
- Hazel.
691
00:20:59,717 --> 00:21:00,760
- Green.
692
00:21:00,801 --> 00:21:02,095
Green-hazel, hazel-green.
693
00:21:02,136 --> 00:21:03,763
They have white around
694
00:21:02,136 --> 00:21:03,763
the edge, I think.
695
00:21:05,347 --> 00:21:06,724
Anybody know her last name?
696
00:21:06,766 --> 00:21:08,517
- Spicer.
697
00:21:06,766 --> 00:21:08,517
- Spicer.
698
00:21:08,559 --> 00:21:11,020
Pat Sajak knows more
699
00:21:08,559 --> 00:21:11,020
about his contestants.
700
00:21:12,521 --> 00:21:14,356
You know, I don't think..
701
00:21:14,398 --> 00:21:16,817
...you fell in love
702
00:21:14,398 --> 00:21:16,817
with Corinna.
703
00:21:16,859 --> 00:21:17,985
That takes time.
704
00:21:19,361 --> 00:21:21,114
I think maybe you fell in love
705
00:21:21,155 --> 00:21:23,824
with being in love.
706
00:21:23,866 --> 00:21:25,243
Am I right, Jesse?
707
00:21:27,828 --> 00:21:30,790
I do seem to fall
708
00:21:27,828 --> 00:21:30,790
in love a lot.
709
00:21:30,831 --> 00:21:32,917
But it's just
710
00:21:30,831 --> 00:21:32,917
because I'm always hoping
711
00:21:32,959 --> 00:21:35,294
that this is the one.
712
00:21:35,335 --> 00:21:37,379
I just want to meet
713
00:21:35,335 --> 00:21:37,379
one nice, special girl
714
00:21:37,421 --> 00:21:39,590
I can spend my life with.
715
00:21:39,632 --> 00:21:41,801
Aw, Jesse.
716
00:21:41,842 --> 00:21:44,011
Everybody wants that.
717
00:21:44,053 --> 00:21:46,722
But you don't
718
00:21:44,053 --> 00:21:46,722
have to try so hard.
719
00:21:46,764 --> 00:21:49,142
When the right
720
00:21:46,764 --> 00:21:49,142
woman comes along..
721
00:21:49,183 --> 00:21:50,810
...you really will know it.
722
00:21:52,728 --> 00:21:56,149
I could have sworn
723
00:21:52,728 --> 00:21:56,149
Corinna was it.
724
00:21:56,190 --> 00:21:58,943
[sighs]
725
00:21:56,190 --> 00:21:58,943
Maybe I did go
726
00:21:56,190 --> 00:21:58,943
a little overboard.
727
00:21:58,985 --> 00:22:00,319
I guess I was just shocked
728
00:22:00,360 --> 00:22:03,489
that she liked me
729
00:22:00,360 --> 00:22:03,489
as much as I liked her.
730
00:22:03,530 --> 00:22:05,241
Why are you shocked?
731
00:22:05,283 --> 00:22:06,533
Have a little faith
732
00:22:05,283 --> 00:22:06,533
in yourself.
733
00:22:06,575 --> 00:22:07,701
You're a good guy.
734
00:22:09,703 --> 00:22:11,705
As much as I hate to admit it..
735
00:22:11,747 --> 00:22:13,040
...it seems like
736
00:22:11,747 --> 00:22:13,040
Corinna likes you
737
00:22:13,082 --> 00:22:15,960
more than she likes me.
738
00:22:16,002 --> 00:22:17,878
God, I hate to admit it.
739
00:22:20,965 --> 00:22:23,550
Alright, you're not scum.
740
00:22:23,592 --> 00:22:26,012
I know that comes
741
00:22:23,592 --> 00:22:26,012
from your heart, Jess.
742
00:22:26,053 --> 00:22:29,347
That was almost semi-touching.
743
00:22:29,389 --> 00:22:30,975
[Corinna sneezes]
744
00:22:31,017 --> 00:22:33,519
You hear that noise?
745
00:22:31,017 --> 00:22:33,519
I told you someone's out here.
746
00:22:33,560 --> 00:22:35,521
- Hi.
747
00:22:33,560 --> 00:22:35,521
- Corinna?
748
00:22:35,562 --> 00:22:37,982
What are you doing here?
749
00:22:35,562 --> 00:22:37,982
Come in.
750
00:22:38,024 --> 00:22:40,109
I-I really felt terrible
751
00:22:38,024 --> 00:22:40,109
about tonight
752
00:22:40,151 --> 00:22:42,360
and I came back to apologize.
753
00:22:42,402 --> 00:22:44,155
'But then I heard shouting,
754
00:22:42,402 --> 00:22:44,155
so I decided to go home.'
755
00:22:44,197 --> 00:22:46,657
Then I felt even worse,
756
00:22:44,197 --> 00:22:46,657
so I decided to come back.
757
00:22:48,034 --> 00:22:50,744
Look...you both are great guys
758
00:22:50,786 --> 00:22:52,412
and I would hate to do anything
759
00:22:52,454 --> 00:22:54,207
to mess up your friendship.
760
00:22:54,248 --> 00:22:56,625
I'm really sorry.
761
00:22:56,667 --> 00:22:59,337
Okay, now I'm going
762
00:22:56,667 --> 00:22:59,337
to go home again. Goodbye.
763
00:22:59,377 --> 00:23:02,215
Hold on a second.
764
00:23:02,256 --> 00:23:03,507
I may have met you first
765
00:23:03,549 --> 00:23:05,383
but I...think we all know
766
00:23:05,425 --> 00:23:07,803
who belongs together here.
767
00:23:07,845 --> 00:23:09,847
Why don't you take
768
00:23:07,845 --> 00:23:09,847
some time and..
769
00:23:09,889 --> 00:23:11,140
...get to know Joey.
770
00:23:11,182 --> 00:23:12,641
He's a good guy.
771
00:23:12,683 --> 00:23:14,310
He's got pajama problems, but..
772
00:23:16,062 --> 00:23:17,521
I love this guy.
773
00:23:17,563 --> 00:23:18,814
Hug her, not me.
774
00:23:18,856 --> 00:23:20,774
- Sorry.
775
00:23:18,856 --> 00:23:20,774
- Big dummy.
776
00:23:20,816 --> 00:23:22,318
Come on, Jesse,
777
00:23:20,816 --> 00:23:22,318
let's leave these two alone.
778
00:23:22,360 --> 00:23:24,695
[exhales heavily]
779
00:23:24,737 --> 00:23:26,113
By the way..
780
00:23:26,155 --> 00:23:28,366
...what were you really
781
00:23:26,155 --> 00:23:28,366
gonna do with the bat?
782
00:23:28,406 --> 00:23:29,992
I was gonna kill him.
783
00:23:31,285 --> 00:23:33,079
That's what I would have done.
784
00:23:36,498 --> 00:23:38,125
- Ew!
785
00:23:36,498 --> 00:23:38,125
- Ew!
786
00:23:39,877 --> 00:23:41,587
- Goodnight.
787
00:23:39,877 --> 00:23:41,587
- Goodnight.
788
00:23:42,629 --> 00:23:44,882
- 'Goodnight.'
789
00:23:42,629 --> 00:23:44,882
- Goodnight.
790
00:23:50,054 --> 00:23:52,723
[theme music]