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[theme music]
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♪ What ever happened
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to predictability ♪
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♪ The milkman
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the paper boy ♪
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♪ Evenin' TV ♪
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♪ How did I get
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to livin' here ♪
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♪ Somebody tell me please ♪
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♪ This old world's
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confusing me ♪
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♪ Clouds as mean
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as you've ever seen ♪
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♪ There ain't a bird
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who knows your tune ♪
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♪ Then a little voice
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inside you whispers ♪
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♪ Kid don't sell
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your dreams so soon ♪
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♪ Everywhere you look
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Everywhere you go ♪
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♪ There's a heart
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there's a heart ♪
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♪ A hand to hold on to ♪
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♪ Everywhere you look
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Everywhere you go ♪
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♪ There's a face ♪
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♪ Of somebody who needs you ♪
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♪ Everywhere you look ♪
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♪ When you're lost out there ♪
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♪ And you're all alone ♪
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♪ A light is waitin' ♪
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♪ To carry you home ♪
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♪ Everywhere you look ♪
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♪ Everywhere you look ♪♪
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So, Kimmy, you want
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to stay for dinner?
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Maybe. What are you havin'?
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Uh, Joey's cooking,
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so I'm not really sure.
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It's something in an earth tone.
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Pass. But if my dog Sinbad
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is hungry I'll send him over.
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Don't do that. I love Sinbad.
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Stephanie,
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why are you following us?
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Because you keep leaving me.
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Steph, I know you're only five
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and you have no life of your own
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but Kimmy and I are
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talking woman-to-woman.
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I'm a woman.
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I'm a little woman,
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but I'm a woman.
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Steph, when Kimmy leaves,
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you and I can have a nice
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sister-to-sister talk.
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Unless I get a phone call.
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You're so good to me.
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[squealing]
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Did you guys hear that noise?
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It sounded like a monster.
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Steph, you're always
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making up monster noises.
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There's nothing to worry about.
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Although, you do look like
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that kid in "Poltergeist"
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who got sucked up in the TV
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and said, "They're ba-a-ck."
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Real funny.
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[imitating Japanese]
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Ooh, you gonna love this,
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Michelle.
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[gibberish]
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Hi.
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- Hai!
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- Hai!
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Hai!
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How you doin'?
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How you doin'?
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[both growling]
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Hey, Michelle.
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Hey, Jesse, some woman
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named Brianna called.
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She said she'll meet you
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at 8 o'clock.
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Who's Brianna?
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Well, I terminated
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her termites, and, uh..
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she wanted to thank me,
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so we came up with a few ideas
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if you will.
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'You went out wearing
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a cockroach on your back'
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and you came back
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with a date?
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Look, Joey, don't beat around
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the bush, if you want to borrow
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my jumpsuit, just say so.
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Uncle Jesse, something horrible
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is in the house.
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You're telling me.
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Hey, Jess, grab Michelle, help
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me set the table, would you?
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Alright. Okay.
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Come on, Michelle.
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Great news. I've got great news.
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Thank goodness you're home!
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I missed you, too, honey.
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Did you miss all of me
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or just my leg?
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Stephanie thinks she heard
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a monster in the garage.
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But if you ask me, it's just
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a desperate plea for attention.
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DJ, stop watching "Oprah"
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and start doing your homework.
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So...now you're hearing
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a garage monster
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instead of just
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that closet monster.
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Which by the way, honey,
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we never really found.
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Maybe because..
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...the closet monster
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moved into the garage.
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Uh...just to
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catch everybody up, uh..
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I walked in here saying
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"Hey, great news, great news."
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Oh, I got great news.
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I met a girl today.
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That's not news, that's sports.
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Let's give dad a break.
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So what's your
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great news, great news?
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Okay. Thank you.
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As you all know
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all the TV stations in this city
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are fighting each other
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tooth and nail
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for better ratings.
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Congratulations, daddy.
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Steph, honey,
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that's not the great news.
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Anyway, my station is
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putting together a special promo
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kind of,
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like a little commercial.
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About each of its newscasters.
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Now here comes
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the great news, Steph.
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They've picked
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your father to be first.
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Oh, great. Yeah.
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- Good.
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- Alright.
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I feel the energy.
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Oh, by the way, uh..
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...you're all going
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to be on TV with me.
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[all cheering]
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Oh, I knew
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you'd be happy for me.
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So they're coming
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to the house tomorrow
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to film our whole family.
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- Alright. I like that.
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- Yeah!
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Alright, everybody chow down.
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Should we send out
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for pizza or Chinese?
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(all)
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Pizza.
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It is pizza.
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[squealing]
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They're ba-a-ck.
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Steph, did you
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make that noise?
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Why would I make a noise
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that's scaring me to death?
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Can I sleep with you
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in your bed?
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Alright. Come on over.
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Does this mean you believe me
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about the monster?
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I'm not saying yes,
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and I'm not saying no.
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I'm just saying get over here!
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What if he's under the bed
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waiting to eat my feet?
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Reel me in, DJ.
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Faster! Faster!
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Faster!
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Bless you.
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You forgot
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to turn out the light.
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[squealing]
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Forget the light.
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Run for your life!
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- Monster! Monster!
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- Help! Help!
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Mon..
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...ster.
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What's going on?
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We got the monster
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trapped in our room.
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Go get it, Uncle Jesse.
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You're a creepy-crawler killer.
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I'm a pest control specialist,
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thank you.
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Pardon me.
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Go kill it!
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Jesse, humor them.
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Unless there is something
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creeping and crawling in there
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in which case..
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...go kill it.
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You know, in every movie
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the hero is always a soldier
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or a cop, a private eye.
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Never once, never once
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have they made a movie
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about the real American hero.
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The exterminator.
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(together)
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Pest-control specialist.
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Coming soon
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to a theater near you.
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Daddy, can I sleep with you
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in your bed tonight?
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Oh, honey, you don't want to
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sleep in my bed, do you?
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I guess not.
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Your Uncle Jesse says
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your room is monster-free
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so I'm only staying here
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until you two fall asleep.
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Okay, dad.
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Alright, daddy.
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And you two
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really need your sleep
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because tomorrow
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a nice lady is coming here
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and she's gonna make
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a little movie about our family.
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And, girls, there are
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no such things as monsters.
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The closest thing,
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in real life..
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...are linebackers.
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But they're much bigger
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than monsters.
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And they make a lot more money.
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Get it, girls? More money?
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Girls?
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Goodnight.
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Okay.
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Oh..
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The joys of fatherhood.
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- Come on.
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- Okay, Michelle.
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This is your big TV debut.
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Let's give you that
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Marilyn Monroe look.
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- Kind of--
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- Yeah.
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Bangs sweeping to the left.
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Kinda, the curls framing
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the face, huh?
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(Jesse)
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'Yeah, she's got the look
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to pull it off'
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but I think it'd be a crime
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to cover
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that pretty little face.
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See, I say, we pull it back
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give her a more sophisticated
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kind of look.
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More the Madonna,
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Brigitte Nielson kind of thing.
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Like this, see? Look.
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That's Jack Nicholson.
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Why don't we give her
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kind of a, uh..
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...Pebbles Flintstone
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kind of a, uh, a fun do?
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That's Don King.
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Maybe just a bow.
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Bow. Good idea.
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Simple, yet it screams style.
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- I'll hold it up like this.
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- Okay.
294
00:09:53,718 --> 00:09:56,304
- Finger.
295
00:09:53,718 --> 00:09:56,304
- Okay, tie it first.
296
00:09:56,346 --> 00:09:57,680
There we go.
297
00:09:57,722 --> 00:09:59,682
- Alright, good.
298
00:09:57,722 --> 00:09:59,682
- There you go. Finger.
299
00:09:59,724 --> 00:10:01,393
Alright, now,
300
00:09:59,724 --> 00:10:01,393
should we get her Reeboks
301
00:10:01,435 --> 00:10:02,810
or her little Glens?
302
00:10:01,435 --> 00:10:02,810
Which one?
303
00:10:02,852 --> 00:10:04,563
- Ah, one of each.
304
00:10:02,852 --> 00:10:04,563
- Okay.
305
00:10:06,356 --> 00:10:07,648
Got that.
306
00:10:16,032 --> 00:10:18,410
- You didn't just..
307
00:10:16,032 --> 00:10:18,410
- Yeah, I think I did.
308
00:10:18,452 --> 00:10:20,078
- That's what I thought.
309
00:10:18,452 --> 00:10:20,078
- Yeah.
310
00:10:22,372 --> 00:10:23,706
Baby yo-yo!
311
00:10:25,208 --> 00:10:26,876
- Take it off.
312
00:10:25,208 --> 00:10:26,876
- Alright.
313
00:10:26,918 --> 00:10:28,462
[squealing]
314
00:10:28,503 --> 00:10:29,921
You hear that noise?
315
00:10:29,963 --> 00:10:31,298
You know, the girls were right.
316
00:10:29,963 --> 00:10:31,298
It's the monster.
317
00:10:31,339 --> 00:10:32,882
Shh. It's not a monster.
318
00:10:32,924 --> 00:10:34,842
Now, I have to hear where
319
00:10:32,924 --> 00:10:34,842
it's coming from. Be quiet.
320
00:10:34,884 --> 00:10:36,428
[squealing]
321
00:10:36,470 --> 00:10:38,513
Ah-ha!
322
00:10:38,555 --> 00:10:40,181
North American
323
00:10:38,555 --> 00:10:40,181
silver-footed ferret.
324
00:10:40,223 --> 00:10:42,642
Adult male,
325
00:10:40,223 --> 00:10:42,642
two and a half pounds.
326
00:10:42,683 --> 00:10:43,893
I'd say from the echo
327
00:10:43,935 --> 00:10:46,104
he's heading towards the garage.
328
00:10:46,146 --> 00:10:48,064
How can you possibly know this?
329
00:10:48,106 --> 00:10:49,274
It's a gift.
330
00:10:50,191 --> 00:10:51,859
Alright, come on out, pal.
331
00:10:51,901 --> 00:10:53,236
This is your last warning.
332
00:10:53,278 --> 00:10:56,114
Get out now or be another
333
00:10:53,278 --> 00:10:56,114
notch on my spray gun.
334
00:10:56,156 --> 00:10:57,616
Ha ha ha!
335
00:11:00,285 --> 00:11:02,912
Michelle, I'm sorry
336
00:11:00,285 --> 00:11:02,912
you had to see that.
337
00:11:02,954 --> 00:11:05,873
But this hair-do,
338
00:11:02,954 --> 00:11:05,873
now this, it's beautiful.
339
00:11:05,915 --> 00:11:07,083
It is you.
340
00:11:07,125 --> 00:11:08,335
'Look-it, huh?'
341
00:11:11,004 --> 00:11:14,508
Isn't that, oh, just lovely.
342
00:11:11,004 --> 00:11:14,508
Look at that.
343
00:11:14,549 --> 00:11:15,550
Yes.
344
00:11:15,592 --> 00:11:17,469
Okay, now, that'll be $84.
345
00:11:19,471 --> 00:11:21,640
Alright, how about
346
00:11:19,471 --> 00:11:21,640
just a kiss? Come on.
347
00:11:22,807 --> 00:11:24,142
Aww. Ha ha.
348
00:11:25,059 --> 00:11:26,436
[doorbell rings]
349
00:11:28,438 --> 00:11:30,148
Uncle Jesse, that could be
350
00:11:28,438 --> 00:11:30,148
the TV lady.
351
00:11:30,190 --> 00:11:32,025
- Do we look okay?
352
00:11:30,190 --> 00:11:32,025
- You guys look beautiful.
353
00:11:32,066 --> 00:11:33,901
I'm hot on the trail
354
00:11:32,066 --> 00:11:33,901
of your monster.
355
00:11:33,943 --> 00:11:35,403
Nail him, Uncle Jesse!
356
00:11:35,445 --> 00:11:36,946
[doorbell rings]
357
00:11:39,366 --> 00:11:41,868
Hi. Are you the lady
358
00:11:39,366 --> 00:11:41,868
who's gonna putting us on TV?
359
00:11:41,909 --> 00:11:43,702
Yes, I am.
360
00:11:43,744 --> 00:11:45,746
Because you are so adorable.
361
00:11:46,873 --> 00:11:48,500
Let me see you smile.
362
00:11:51,002 --> 00:11:52,962
Wonderful!
363
00:11:53,004 --> 00:11:56,007
Let me see if you can find
364
00:11:53,004 --> 00:11:56,007
a place for my coat.
365
00:11:59,469 --> 00:12:02,972
Adorable! And you
366
00:11:59,469 --> 00:12:02,972
take direction, too.
367
00:12:03,014 --> 00:12:05,475
My name's Ronnie.
368
00:12:03,014 --> 00:12:05,475
That's short for Veronica.
369
00:12:05,517 --> 00:12:07,977
I'm DJ.
370
00:12:05,517 --> 00:12:07,977
That's short for Donna Jo.
371
00:12:08,019 --> 00:12:10,021
I'm Stephanie.
372
00:12:10,063 --> 00:12:11,565
I'm just short.
373
00:12:13,774 --> 00:12:15,235
Girls..
374
00:12:15,276 --> 00:12:17,736
Do you know
375
00:12:15,276 --> 00:12:17,736
where your daddy is?
376
00:12:17,778 --> 00:12:19,947
Daddy has been delayed
377
00:12:17,778 --> 00:12:19,947
in editing
378
00:12:19,989 --> 00:12:22,492
because the satellite
379
00:12:19,989 --> 00:12:22,492
downlink malfunctioned
380
00:12:22,534 --> 00:12:25,245
due to freakish
381
00:12:22,534 --> 00:12:25,245
barometric conditions.
382
00:12:27,080 --> 00:12:29,666
Ronnie feels like
383
00:12:27,080 --> 00:12:29,666
such a dodo-head.
384
00:12:30,833 --> 00:12:33,336
So...this is your home.
385
00:12:33,378 --> 00:12:35,046
The colors are workable.
386
00:12:35,088 --> 00:12:36,797
Nice angles.
387
00:12:36,839 --> 00:12:39,008
Yes, I'm seeing some shots.
388
00:12:42,803 --> 00:12:45,806
- What are we doing?
389
00:12:42,803 --> 00:12:45,806
- We thought you knew.
390
00:12:47,808 --> 00:12:49,768
Alright, pal. Come on out.
391
00:12:50,687 --> 00:12:52,146
Just you and me.
392
00:12:52,188 --> 00:12:53,607
Man versus ferret.
393
00:12:53,648 --> 00:12:54,899
Come on.
394
00:12:54,941 --> 00:12:56,859
Who are you trying
395
00:12:54,941 --> 00:12:56,859
to catch? Phil Niekro?
396
00:12:58,612 --> 00:13:00,071
Joseph, I have to improvise.
397
00:13:00,113 --> 00:13:01,489
I left my tools in the car.
398
00:13:01,531 --> 00:13:03,074
Listen, in order
399
00:13:01,531 --> 00:13:03,074
to catch a ferret
400
00:13:03,116 --> 00:13:05,744
you must...become one
401
00:13:03,116 --> 00:13:05,744
with the ferret.
402
00:13:05,784 --> 00:13:07,328
Oh, sure. Like this?
403
00:13:10,039 --> 00:13:11,541
Joey, when you were a kid
404
00:13:11,583 --> 00:13:13,167
did you fall out
405
00:13:11,583 --> 00:13:13,167
of a tree house?
406
00:13:14,753 --> 00:13:15,836
Yeah.
407
00:13:17,422 --> 00:13:18,965
There he is. There he is.
408
00:13:19,006 --> 00:13:20,341
Look out! I got him!
409
00:13:22,469 --> 00:13:23,678
I got him. Alright.
410
00:13:23,720 --> 00:13:25,513
What are you gonna do to him?
411
00:13:25,555 --> 00:13:28,057
Think of it this way.
412
00:13:25,555 --> 00:13:28,057
I'm moving Senor Ferret
413
00:13:28,099 --> 00:13:30,477
one step up into his
414
00:13:28,099 --> 00:13:30,477
spiritual enlightenment.
415
00:13:30,518 --> 00:13:32,186
What's the next step up
416
00:13:30,518 --> 00:13:32,186
for a ferret?
417
00:13:32,228 --> 00:13:34,314
Somewhere between
418
00:13:32,228 --> 00:13:34,314
rat and lawyer.
419
00:13:34,355 --> 00:13:35,607
Give me the net.
420
00:13:35,649 --> 00:13:37,400
Well, if you were
421
00:13:35,649 --> 00:13:37,400
going after a lawyer
422
00:13:37,442 --> 00:13:39,694
I'd be right behind you,
423
00:13:37,442 --> 00:13:39,694
but we're talking about
424
00:13:39,736 --> 00:13:42,781
one of God's innocent
425
00:13:39,736 --> 00:13:42,781
little creatures.
426
00:13:42,821 --> 00:13:45,492
Go. Run, ferret!
427
00:13:42,821 --> 00:13:45,492
Come on, get out of here!
428
00:13:45,533 --> 00:13:47,243
Go, go, go!
429
00:13:47,285 --> 00:13:49,704
♪ Born free ♪
430
00:13:49,746 --> 00:13:51,998
♪ As free as the wind ♪♪
431
00:13:52,039 --> 00:13:53,249
There he goes. I got him.
432
00:13:53,291 --> 00:13:55,460
I got him. Darn.
433
00:13:55,502 --> 00:13:57,044
Ran through the crack,
434
00:13:55,502 --> 00:13:57,044
up around the wall
435
00:13:57,086 --> 00:13:58,630
right into the crawlspace.
436
00:13:58,672 --> 00:14:01,424
Slick. Slick move, Senor Ferret.
437
00:14:01,466 --> 00:14:03,009
Very good.
438
00:14:03,050 --> 00:14:06,179
It's been a long time
439
00:14:03,050 --> 00:14:06,179
since I've been challenged.
440
00:14:06,220 --> 00:14:08,598
Come out with your paws up.
441
00:14:08,640 --> 00:14:10,350
- 'Okay.'
442
00:14:08,640 --> 00:14:10,350
- Zig to the right.
443
00:14:10,391 --> 00:14:11,392
Zag to the left.
444
00:14:11,434 --> 00:14:14,228
Go, ferret, go!
445
00:14:11,434 --> 00:14:14,228
Go, ferret, go!
446
00:14:14,270 --> 00:14:16,648
(Jesse)
447
00:14:14,270 --> 00:14:16,648
'Gone, ferret, gone.'
448
00:14:16,690 --> 00:14:18,232
'Damn, he lives.'
449
00:14:18,274 --> 00:14:20,360
[humming victory song]
450
00:14:24,113 --> 00:14:25,782
(Jesse)
451
00:14:24,113 --> 00:14:25,782
'Joey, give me the ladder.'
452
00:14:25,824 --> 00:14:27,867
I'm not putting the ladder back
453
00:14:25,824 --> 00:14:27,867
until we have a talk.
454
00:14:27,908 --> 00:14:28,909
Talk?
455
00:14:28,951 --> 00:14:29,994
You've to promise me that if
456
00:14:30,036 --> 00:14:31,037
you capture the ferret that
457
00:14:31,078 --> 00:14:32,079
you'll let him go in a safe
458
00:14:32,121 --> 00:14:33,540
and pleasant environment.
459
00:14:33,581 --> 00:14:35,500
Okay, fine. I'll capture him.
460
00:14:35,542 --> 00:14:38,044
I'll buy him
461
00:14:35,542 --> 00:14:38,044
a little ferret condo.
462
00:14:38,085 --> 00:14:39,587
Fix him up with
463
00:14:38,085 --> 00:14:39,587
a hot little mink
464
00:14:39,629 --> 00:14:41,255
and send him to Club Med
465
00:14:39,629 --> 00:14:41,255
for the winter.
466
00:14:42,507 --> 00:14:45,426
Okay. Now let's talk
467
00:14:42,507 --> 00:14:45,426
about major medical.
468
00:14:45,468 --> 00:14:47,136
Help me down here. Come on.
469
00:14:47,178 --> 00:14:48,888
- Come on.
470
00:14:47,178 --> 00:14:48,888
- I got you.
471
00:14:48,929 --> 00:14:50,724
(Jesse)
472
00:14:48,929 --> 00:14:50,724
'Good.'
473
00:14:50,765 --> 00:14:52,851
- Hello.
474
00:14:50,765 --> 00:14:52,851
- Hello.
475
00:14:52,892 --> 00:14:54,811
These guys help take care of us.
476
00:14:54,853 --> 00:14:57,271
This is Danny Tanner's family?
477
00:14:57,313 --> 00:14:59,482
- I'm Jesse.
478
00:14:57,313 --> 00:14:59,482
- I'm Joey.
479
00:14:59,524 --> 00:15:00,900
I'm in trouble.
480
00:15:05,988 --> 00:15:08,616
People, people,
481
00:15:05,988 --> 00:15:08,616
we're almost ready.
482
00:15:09,868 --> 00:15:11,536
Hi. Uh, I'm Danny Tanner.
483
00:15:11,578 --> 00:15:13,162
You must be Ronnie Gardner.
484
00:15:11,578 --> 00:15:13,162
I've been looking forward..
485
00:15:13,204 --> 00:15:14,247
Great, you're here. Let's go.
486
00:15:14,288 --> 00:15:15,415
..to meeting you.
487
00:15:16,541 --> 00:15:18,334
Oh, that's the last of it.
488
00:15:18,376 --> 00:15:20,628
Joey, where are you going
489
00:15:18,376 --> 00:15:20,628
with Jupiter?
490
00:15:20,670 --> 00:15:22,756
Ronnie suggested
491
00:15:20,670 --> 00:15:22,756
that I move out.
492
00:15:22,797 --> 00:15:24,883
- Why would Ronnie suggest that?
493
00:15:22,797 --> 00:15:24,883
- No, no, Danny.
494
00:15:24,924 --> 00:15:26,092
It's okay. It's no problem.
495
00:15:26,133 --> 00:15:28,094
A successful comedian,
496
00:15:26,133 --> 00:15:28,094
like myself
497
00:15:28,135 --> 00:15:30,179
doesn't need exposure on TV.
498
00:15:30,221 --> 00:15:32,139
Working in parks
499
00:15:30,221 --> 00:15:32,139
and train stations
500
00:15:32,181 --> 00:15:34,225
is my rocket to stardom.
501
00:15:36,227 --> 00:15:38,521
Ronnie, don't you think
502
00:15:36,227 --> 00:15:38,521
Joey's important?
503
00:15:38,563 --> 00:15:39,731
Important?
504
00:15:39,773 --> 00:15:41,816
Why, he's essential.
505
00:15:41,858 --> 00:15:45,111
He is going to be...holding
506
00:15:41,858 --> 00:15:45,111
the cue cards.
507
00:15:45,152 --> 00:15:46,153
Thank you, Joey.
508
00:15:46,195 --> 00:15:47,447
Oh, no, thank you, Ronnie.
509
00:15:47,488 --> 00:15:49,156
You've given my life
510
00:15:47,488 --> 00:15:49,156
new meaning.
511
00:15:50,991 --> 00:15:54,203
You know, Danny,
512
00:15:50,991 --> 00:15:54,203
so many sportscasters
513
00:15:54,245 --> 00:15:56,706
are your typical macho,
514
00:15:54,245 --> 00:15:56,706
two-fisted
515
00:15:56,748 --> 00:15:58,666
iron-pumping ex-jocks.
516
00:15:58,708 --> 00:16:00,460
Yeah, that's me in a nutshell.
517
00:16:00,501 --> 00:16:01,669
Well, Danny Tanner
518
00:16:01,711 --> 00:16:04,464
I am gonna set you apart
519
00:16:01,711 --> 00:16:04,464
from the crowd.
520
00:16:04,505 --> 00:16:06,006
I'm gonna sell your family
521
00:16:06,048 --> 00:16:08,593
with class, style,
522
00:16:06,048 --> 00:16:08,593
sophistication.
523
00:16:09,427 --> 00:16:10,595
That's me, too.
524
00:16:10,637 --> 00:16:12,472
- There are so many me's.
525
00:16:10,637 --> 00:16:12,472
- Great.
526
00:16:12,513 --> 00:16:14,515
We're just gonna do
527
00:16:12,513 --> 00:16:14,515
this one rehearsal.
528
00:16:14,557 --> 00:16:16,267
If you have any problems..
529
00:16:16,309 --> 00:16:17,852
Well, you won't.
530
00:16:17,894 --> 00:16:19,813
Outside. Don't come back in
531
00:16:17,894 --> 00:16:19,813
until I say action.
532
00:16:19,854 --> 00:16:21,439
Okay, everybody over here.
533
00:16:19,854 --> 00:16:21,439
Come on, let's go.
534
00:16:21,481 --> 00:16:24,651
Come on. Alright, ready?
535
00:16:21,481 --> 00:16:24,651
You back here. And..
536
00:16:24,692 --> 00:16:25,985
'...action!'
537
00:16:27,278 --> 00:16:28,571
Ciao, family.
538
00:16:29,489 --> 00:16:31,157
Ciao, family?
539
00:16:31,198 --> 00:16:33,827
Si, si. Continue.
540
00:16:33,868 --> 00:16:35,745
Okay. This is the Italian me.
541
00:16:35,787 --> 00:16:38,372
- Ciao, familia.
542
00:16:35,787 --> 00:16:38,372
- Sofa! Over to the sofa!
543
00:16:38,414 --> 00:16:39,624
Okay, everybody around. Yeah.
544
00:16:39,666 --> 00:16:42,543
Good. Here we go.
545
00:16:39,666 --> 00:16:42,543
Uh-huh. Sit.
546
00:16:42,585 --> 00:16:44,003
Cue Da Vinci.
547
00:16:44,044 --> 00:16:45,171
Da Vinci?
548
00:16:48,299 --> 00:16:50,593
Why is there a four-legged
549
00:16:48,299 --> 00:16:50,593
marshmallow on my lap?
550
00:16:51,970 --> 00:16:54,430
Danny, this is no
551
00:16:51,970 --> 00:16:54,430
frou-frou poodle.
552
00:16:54,472 --> 00:16:55,932
This is a man's poodle.
553
00:16:55,974 --> 00:16:58,267
This is a poodle on steroids.
554
00:16:58,309 --> 00:16:59,477
[dog barking]
555
00:16:59,519 --> 00:17:01,896
Cue the girls.
556
00:16:59,519 --> 00:17:01,896
Girls, girls, girls.
557
00:17:01,938 --> 00:17:03,606
Da Vinci's a wrap.
558
00:17:03,648 --> 00:17:05,107
[dog barking]
559
00:17:08,528 --> 00:17:10,738
Um, good day, Donna Jo.
560
00:17:10,780 --> 00:17:13,491
And good day to you, too,
561
00:17:10,780 --> 00:17:13,491
little Stephanie.
562
00:17:13,533 --> 00:17:16,369
Oh, father,
563
00:17:13,533 --> 00:17:16,369
how excellent to see you.
564
00:17:16,410 --> 00:17:17,912
We missed you, papa.
565
00:17:19,163 --> 00:17:21,374
I'm confused.
566
00:17:19,163 --> 00:17:21,374
Are we French or Italian?
567
00:17:21,415 --> 00:17:22,625
Or Roquefort?
568
00:17:23,918 --> 00:17:26,337
Girls, sit. Cue housekeeper.
569
00:17:31,133 --> 00:17:33,344
[British accent]
570
00:17:31,133 --> 00:17:33,344
Hi-ho. Teatime at the Tanner's.
571
00:17:35,471 --> 00:17:36,681
Now we're English?
572
00:17:36,723 --> 00:17:38,558
No, no, no, you silly bloke.
573
00:17:38,599 --> 00:17:40,226
I'm the English one, you twit.
574
00:17:42,144 --> 00:17:43,855
Thank you so much, Mr. French.
575
00:17:43,897 --> 00:17:45,023
You're welcome, Uncle Bill.
576
00:17:46,607 --> 00:17:47,942
Excuse me.
577
00:17:47,984 --> 00:17:49,151
Buffy. Jody.
578
00:17:51,612 --> 00:17:53,113
Now you know why
579
00:17:51,612 --> 00:17:53,113
I didn't fight too hard
580
00:17:53,155 --> 00:17:55,366
to stay in this thing?
581
00:17:55,408 --> 00:17:57,159
What does any of this
582
00:17:55,408 --> 00:17:57,159
have to do with our family?
583
00:17:57,201 --> 00:17:59,203
Uh, people, people.
584
00:17:57,201 --> 00:17:59,203
Focus, focus.
585
00:17:59,245 --> 00:18:00,830
Crew, over by the door.
586
00:17:59,245 --> 00:18:00,830
Come on, let's go.
587
00:18:00,872 --> 00:18:02,749
And you, right here. Good.
588
00:18:02,790 --> 00:18:04,876
And cue the baby Michelle.
589
00:18:04,918 --> 00:18:06,002
Oh, baby Michelle.
590
00:18:06,044 --> 00:18:07,712
Come to daddy, honey.
591
00:18:11,215 --> 00:18:12,466
Hi, daddy.
592
00:18:13,426 --> 00:18:15,053
Hi, honey.
593
00:18:15,094 --> 00:18:18,681
Oh, she's so cute.
594
00:18:15,094 --> 00:18:18,681
She's so adorable.
595
00:18:18,723 --> 00:18:20,307
Who is she?
596
00:18:20,349 --> 00:18:22,184
She's your adopted daughter.
597
00:18:22,226 --> 00:18:24,645
We thought it'd be great
598
00:18:22,226 --> 00:18:24,645
for your image.
599
00:18:24,687 --> 00:18:26,522
Honey, is your mommy
600
00:18:24,687 --> 00:18:26,522
or daddy nearby?
601
00:18:26,564 --> 00:18:27,732
In the kitchen.
602
00:18:27,774 --> 00:18:29,025
In the kitchen. Okay.
603
00:18:29,067 --> 00:18:31,151
You go, you go in there
604
00:18:29,067 --> 00:18:31,151
and see them.
605
00:18:32,904 --> 00:18:34,405
Aw, she's so cute.
606
00:18:34,447 --> 00:18:36,032
Almost as cute
607
00:18:34,447 --> 00:18:36,032
as my little baby.
608
00:18:36,074 --> 00:18:37,408
Where is my baby?
609
00:18:37,450 --> 00:18:40,494
Well, I wanted to go
610
00:18:37,450 --> 00:18:40,494
for the adopted daughter.
611
00:18:40,536 --> 00:18:42,872
Actually, Michelle just wasn't
612
00:18:40,536 --> 00:18:42,872
quite right for the part.
613
00:18:43,998 --> 00:18:46,042
You're saying
614
00:18:43,998 --> 00:18:46,042
my daughter wasn't right
615
00:18:46,084 --> 00:18:47,877
for the part of my daughter?
616
00:18:47,919 --> 00:18:49,045
I auditioned for the part
617
00:18:49,087 --> 00:18:50,546
and I came that close.
618
00:18:51,965 --> 00:18:53,257
I don't believe this.
619
00:18:53,299 --> 00:18:54,592
How could you guys
620
00:18:53,299 --> 00:18:54,592
let yourselves
621
00:18:54,634 --> 00:18:55,885
get talked into this?
622
00:18:55,927 --> 00:18:58,096
Well, we knew how important
623
00:18:55,927 --> 00:18:58,096
it was to you
624
00:18:58,137 --> 00:18:59,472
and...well, we played along.
625
00:18:59,513 --> 00:19:00,723
Just in case you actually
626
00:19:00,765 --> 00:19:02,391
went for this crazy cartoon.
627
00:19:02,433 --> 00:19:04,518
I don't think you understand.
628
00:19:04,560 --> 00:19:07,396
Television news
629
00:19:04,560 --> 00:19:07,396
is a very competitive market.
630
00:19:07,438 --> 00:19:08,940
You've got to do
631
00:19:07,438 --> 00:19:08,940
something different.
632
00:19:08,982 --> 00:19:09,983
You've got to make a noise.
633
00:19:10,024 --> 00:19:11,442
You've got to make a splash.
634
00:19:11,484 --> 00:19:13,736
I think you splashed down
635
00:19:11,484 --> 00:19:13,736
from another planet.
636
00:19:14,821 --> 00:19:16,072
Wait.
637
00:19:16,114 --> 00:19:17,615
I'm getting a vision.
638
00:19:17,657 --> 00:19:20,785
I'm seeing a loving family.
639
00:19:20,827 --> 00:19:23,162
I'm seeing...friends
640
00:19:20,827 --> 00:19:23,162
who will do anything
641
00:19:23,203 --> 00:19:24,872
to help each other.
642
00:19:24,914 --> 00:19:26,457
You know what I'm seeing?
643
00:19:26,499 --> 00:19:28,042
I'm seeing my children
644
00:19:28,084 --> 00:19:29,877
playing the part
645
00:19:28,084 --> 00:19:29,877
of my children.
646
00:19:29,919 --> 00:19:31,671
Nice. Sweet.
647
00:19:31,712 --> 00:19:32,713
Not insane.
648
00:19:32,755 --> 00:19:34,465
It's been done.
649
00:19:34,507 --> 00:19:36,300
Yeah, but not by us.
650
00:19:36,342 --> 00:19:37,969
Hey, I'm proud of who we are.
651
00:19:38,011 --> 00:19:39,261
And unless you want
652
00:19:38,011 --> 00:19:39,261
to show people
653
00:19:39,303 --> 00:19:41,263
the real Tanner family
654
00:19:41,305 --> 00:19:44,017
I'm just gonna have to direct
655
00:19:41,305 --> 00:19:44,017
this thing myself.
656
00:19:44,058 --> 00:19:47,103
Oh, if you're gonna direct,
657
00:19:44,058 --> 00:19:47,103
then what am I gonna do?
658
00:19:47,145 --> 00:19:49,396
Oh, it's quite simple, Ronnie.
659
00:19:49,438 --> 00:19:51,482
You will hold the cue cards.
660
00:20:01,325 --> 00:20:02,409
Alright, quiet, everybody.
661
00:20:01,325 --> 00:20:02,409
It's on, it's on.
662
00:20:02,451 --> 00:20:04,495
- Alright, watch this.
663
00:20:02,451 --> 00:20:04,495
- Okay.
664
00:20:04,537 --> 00:20:06,288
Hello.
665
00:20:06,330 --> 00:20:07,540
I'm Danny Tanner.
666
00:20:07,581 --> 00:20:09,667
I do the sports
667
00:20:07,581 --> 00:20:09,667
for Channel 8 Newsbeat.
668
00:20:11,836 --> 00:20:13,713
Every day at 4, 6 and 10
669
00:20:13,754 --> 00:20:15,673
you're kind enough
670
00:20:13,754 --> 00:20:15,673
to invite me into your home
671
00:20:15,715 --> 00:20:17,591
and make me
672
00:20:15,715 --> 00:20:17,591
a part of your family.
673
00:20:17,633 --> 00:20:19,886
Well, I'd like to
674
00:20:17,633 --> 00:20:19,886
introduce you to my family.
675
00:20:19,927 --> 00:20:22,221
Follow me.
676
00:20:19,927 --> 00:20:22,221
Like you have a choice.
677
00:20:22,262 --> 00:20:23,347
[laughs]
678
00:20:23,389 --> 00:20:25,016
Come on. Don't be afraid.
679
00:20:25,850 --> 00:20:27,601
Meet my stairs.
680
00:20:27,643 --> 00:20:29,603
My loafers, my socks,
681
00:20:27,643 --> 00:20:29,603
my slacks.
682
00:20:30,980 --> 00:20:32,023
Right this way.
683
00:20:32,065 --> 00:20:34,150
Oh, there you are. Golly.
684
00:20:35,193 --> 00:20:36,694
Hi, girls. Daddy's home.
685
00:20:36,736 --> 00:20:38,445
- Hi, dad!
686
00:20:36,736 --> 00:20:38,445
- Hi, dad!
687
00:20:40,489 --> 00:20:42,783
This happens every night.
688
00:20:40,489 --> 00:20:42,783
I swear.
689
00:20:42,825 --> 00:20:44,160
This is my daughter DJ.
690
00:20:44,202 --> 00:20:45,578
And this is Stephanie.
691
00:20:45,619 --> 00:20:47,663
Look, girls, dad brought
692
00:20:45,619 --> 00:20:47,663
home a camera crew.
693
00:20:47,705 --> 00:20:49,289
We know, dad.
694
00:20:49,331 --> 00:20:52,418
Yeah, dad. You came up here
695
00:20:49,331 --> 00:20:52,418
five minutes ago and told us.
696
00:20:53,544 --> 00:20:54,545
Honesty.
697
00:20:54,587 --> 00:20:56,881
I teach my girls honesty.
698
00:20:56,923 --> 00:20:58,298
Watch my dad do the sports
699
00:20:58,340 --> 00:21:00,259
weeknights on Channel 8.
700
00:21:00,300 --> 00:21:02,011
At 4, 6 and 10.
701
00:21:02,053 --> 00:21:04,097
- Don't miss him.
702
00:21:02,053 --> 00:21:04,097
- Don't miss him.
703
00:21:04,138 --> 00:21:05,389
Marketing.
704
00:21:05,431 --> 00:21:07,266
I also teach them marketing.
705
00:21:07,307 --> 00:21:08,726
This way, this way.
706
00:21:08,768 --> 00:21:10,728
Boy, you move fast.
707
00:21:10,770 --> 00:21:12,646
This is my other little girl,
708
00:21:10,770 --> 00:21:12,646
Michelle.
709
00:21:12,688 --> 00:21:14,190
Not this one, this one.
710
00:21:14,232 --> 00:21:15,608
- Is she ready?
711
00:21:14,232 --> 00:21:15,608
- Is she ready?
712
00:21:15,649 --> 00:21:16,817
Are you ready, Michelle?
713
00:21:16,859 --> 00:21:18,569
You ready? Huh?
714
00:21:18,611 --> 00:21:21,239
Okay. Let's do the La Bamba
715
00:21:18,611 --> 00:21:21,239
thing for the berry, alright?
716
00:21:21,280 --> 00:21:23,116
- Ready?
717
00:21:21,280 --> 00:21:23,116
- Wah wah wah.
718
00:21:23,157 --> 00:21:24,617
♪ La Bamba ♪
719
00:21:27,161 --> 00:21:28,788
These guys are also
720
00:21:27,161 --> 00:21:28,788
part of my family.
721
00:21:28,829 --> 00:21:30,206
You see, I'm a single parent
722
00:21:30,248 --> 00:21:31,707
and they help me
723
00:21:30,248 --> 00:21:31,707
take care of my kids.
724
00:21:31,749 --> 00:21:33,876
This is my brother-in-law,
725
00:21:31,749 --> 00:21:33,876
Jesse.
726
00:21:33,918 --> 00:21:36,879
'He has a rock band called
727
00:21:33,918 --> 00:21:36,879
Jesse Cochran and The Rippers.'
728
00:21:36,921 --> 00:21:38,798
Hi, mom.
729
00:21:38,839 --> 00:21:41,092
And this is my good friend,
730
00:21:38,839 --> 00:21:41,092
Joey Gladstone.
731
00:21:41,134 --> 00:21:42,927
Joey's a stand-up comic.
732
00:21:42,969 --> 00:21:46,722
And, of course, I'm much
733
00:21:42,969 --> 00:21:46,722
funnier than I am right now.
734
00:21:46,764 --> 00:21:48,182
[Michelle gurgling]
735
00:21:48,224 --> 00:21:50,935
Yes, Michelle, say,
736
00:21:48,224 --> 00:21:50,935
"Hi, San Francisco."
737
00:21:50,977 --> 00:21:53,813
(Joey)
738
00:21:50,977 --> 00:21:53,813
Hi, San Francisco.
739
00:21:50,977 --> 00:21:53,813
Please watch my daddy.
740
00:21:53,854 --> 00:21:57,817
He needs the work. I outgrow
741
00:21:53,854 --> 00:21:57,817
my clothes every four months.
742
00:22:01,070 --> 00:22:05,116
Honesty, marketing,
743
00:22:01,070 --> 00:22:05,116
and begging for ratings.
744
00:22:05,158 --> 00:22:07,743
Welcome to my world.
745
00:22:05,158 --> 00:22:07,743
This is..
746
00:22:07,785 --> 00:22:12,372
(all)
747
00:22:07,785 --> 00:22:12,372
Danny Tanner,
748
00:22:07,785 --> 00:22:12,372
Channel 8, Action Sports.
749
00:22:12,414 --> 00:22:14,625
Dad, can I have a raise
750
00:22:12,414 --> 00:22:14,625
in allowance?
751
00:22:14,667 --> 00:22:17,419
You'd like to see that,
752
00:22:14,667 --> 00:22:17,419
wouldn't you, folks?
753
00:22:17,461 --> 00:22:19,797
Kids. God love 'em.
754
00:22:20,506 --> 00:22:21,674
Write letters!
755
00:22:27,429 --> 00:22:28,514
Alright!
756
00:22:30,599 --> 00:22:33,311
To be perfectly honest,
757
00:22:30,599 --> 00:22:33,311
it needed a poodle.
758
00:22:34,520 --> 00:22:35,771
You guys were great.
759
00:22:35,813 --> 00:22:38,983
Does that mean I get
760
00:22:35,813 --> 00:22:38,983
the raise in allowance?
761
00:22:39,025 --> 00:22:40,860
Let's wait and see
762
00:22:39,025 --> 00:22:40,860
how many letters we get.
763
00:22:40,901 --> 00:22:43,196
I bet you we get 18 tomorrow.
764
00:22:43,237 --> 00:22:45,698
- Stephanie!
765
00:22:43,237 --> 00:22:45,698
- Oops.
766
00:22:46,907 --> 00:22:48,534
Okay, everybody who wants
767
00:22:46,907 --> 00:22:48,534
a sugar rush
768
00:22:48,575 --> 00:22:50,244
into the kitchen
769
00:22:48,575 --> 00:22:50,244
for ice-cream sundaes.
770
00:22:50,286 --> 00:22:52,538
[cheering]
771
00:22:52,579 --> 00:22:54,248
- Make a nice banana split.
772
00:22:52,579 --> 00:22:54,248
- Yeah.
773
00:22:54,290 --> 00:22:55,415
- Relax.
774
00:22:54,290 --> 00:22:55,415
- You betcha.
775
00:22:55,457 --> 00:22:58,294
[squealing]
776
00:22:58,336 --> 00:23:01,297
Ah-ha! Senor Ferret returns.
777
00:23:01,339 --> 00:23:03,049
He's making you look real bad.
778
00:23:03,090 --> 00:23:04,258
This time he is mine.
779
00:23:04,300 --> 00:23:06,093
Come here, buddy. Come here.
780
00:23:06,135 --> 00:23:08,888
Hey, remember our deal.
781
00:23:06,135 --> 00:23:08,888
A condo, a mink, and Club Med.
782
00:23:08,929 --> 00:23:10,514
Ah-ha, got him!
783
00:23:10,556 --> 00:23:12,558
[squealing]
784
00:23:12,599 --> 00:23:14,018
Just as I suspected.
785
00:23:14,060 --> 00:23:15,978
A North American
786
00:23:14,060 --> 00:23:15,978
silver-footed ferret.
787
00:23:16,020 --> 00:23:17,980
Two and a half pounds.
788
00:23:16,020 --> 00:23:17,980
Adult male.
789
00:23:21,441 --> 00:23:23,401
Joey, he's a pest
790
00:23:21,441 --> 00:23:23,401
and he's a varmint.
791
00:23:23,443 --> 00:23:25,696
And the only way to dispose
792
00:23:23,443 --> 00:23:25,696
of this menace is..
793
00:23:28,366 --> 00:23:31,451
I'm gonna take him to Big Sur
794
00:23:28,366 --> 00:23:31,451
and let him go free.
795
00:23:31,493 --> 00:23:33,787
Ah, you big lug, your heart's
796
00:23:31,493 --> 00:23:33,787
as big as your hair.
797
00:23:35,122 --> 00:23:36,707
Alright, let's take him
798
00:23:35,122 --> 00:23:36,707
to the kitchen.
799
00:23:36,749 --> 00:23:38,376
Show the girls
800
00:23:36,749 --> 00:23:38,376
there's no monsters, alright?
801
00:23:39,501 --> 00:23:41,795
♪ Born free ♪
802
00:23:41,837 --> 00:23:45,507
♪ As free as the wind blows ♪♪
803
00:23:52,181 --> 00:23:53,640
[theme music]