1 00:00:00,542 --> 00:00:02,085 [theme music] 2 00:00:03,044 --> 00:00:06,674 ♪ Ah ah ah ♪ 3 00:00:06,715 --> 00:00:08,425 ♪ Ah ♪ 4 00:00:11,971 --> 00:00:15,015 ♪ Whatever happened 5 00:00:11,971 --> 00:00:15,015 to predictability ♪ 6 00:00:15,056 --> 00:00:18,727 ♪ The milkman 7 00:00:15,056 --> 00:00:18,727 the paper boy evening TV ♪ 8 00:00:18,769 --> 00:00:20,729 ♪ How did I get 9 00:00:18,769 --> 00:00:20,729 to living it here ♪ 10 00:00:20,771 --> 00:00:22,773 ♪ Somebody tell me please ♪ 11 00:00:22,815 --> 00:00:26,234 ♪ This old world 12 00:00:22,815 --> 00:00:26,234 confusing me ♪ 13 00:00:28,236 --> 00:00:31,573 ♪ Clouds as mean 14 00:00:28,236 --> 00:00:31,573 as you've ever seen ♪ 15 00:00:31,615 --> 00:00:35,327 ♪ There ain't a bird 16 00:00:31,615 --> 00:00:35,327 who knows your tune ♪ 17 00:00:35,369 --> 00:00:40,207 ♪ Then a little voice 18 00:00:35,369 --> 00:00:40,207 inside you whispers ♪ 19 00:00:40,248 --> 00:00:44,461 ♪ Kid don't sell 20 00:00:40,248 --> 00:00:44,461 your dreams so soon ♪ 21 00:00:46,087 --> 00:00:48,590 ♪ Everywhere you look ♪ 22 00:00:46,087 --> 00:00:48,590 ♪ Everywhere ♪ 23 00:00:48,632 --> 00:00:51,259 ♪ There's a heart ♪ 24 00:00:48,632 --> 00:00:51,259 ♪ There's a heart ♪ 25 00:00:51,301 --> 00:00:53,345 ♪ A hand to hold on to ♪ 26 00:00:53,387 --> 00:00:56,015 ♪ Everywhere you look ♪ 27 00:00:53,387 --> 00:00:56,015 ♪ Everywhere ♪ 28 00:00:56,056 --> 00:00:57,975 ♪ There's a face ♪ 29 00:00:58,017 --> 00:01:01,020 ♪ Of somebody 30 00:00:58,017 --> 00:01:01,020 who needs you ♪ 31 00:01:01,061 --> 00:01:03,981 ♪ Everywhere you look ♪ 32 00:01:04,023 --> 00:01:05,774 ♪ When you're 33 00:01:04,023 --> 00:01:05,774 lost out there ♪ 34 00:01:05,816 --> 00:01:07,693 ♪ And you're all alone ♪ 35 00:01:07,735 --> 00:01:12,614 ♪ A light is waiting 36 00:01:07,735 --> 00:01:12,614 to carry you home ♪ 37 00:01:12,656 --> 00:01:14,950 ♪ Everywhere you look ♪ 38 00:01:16,451 --> 00:01:18,787 ♪ Everywhere you look ♪ 39 00:01:20,247 --> 00:01:23,083 ♪ Doobie do bah bah dah ♪♪ 40 00:01:26,003 --> 00:01:27,462 [instrumental music] 41 00:01:35,303 --> 00:01:37,138 Alright, now let's try 42 00:01:35,303 --> 00:01:37,138 the A-minor-seventh chord 43 00:01:37,180 --> 00:01:38,974 which is the first finger. 44 00:01:39,016 --> 00:01:40,642 Okay. First fret. 45 00:01:39,016 --> 00:01:40,642 Relax, relax. 46 00:01:40,684 --> 00:01:43,102 First fret, third string. 47 00:01:40,684 --> 00:01:43,102 There you go. 48 00:01:43,144 --> 00:01:45,564 This finger goes there. 49 00:01:43,144 --> 00:01:45,564 That finger.. 50 00:01:45,606 --> 00:01:47,148 I almost have it. 51 00:01:47,190 --> 00:01:50,402 If I only had 52 00:01:47,190 --> 00:01:50,402 one more finger. 53 00:01:50,444 --> 00:01:51,695 Alright. Give it a try. 54 00:01:50,444 --> 00:01:51,695 Let's hear it. 55 00:01:51,737 --> 00:01:54,197 [discordant music] 56 00:01:54,239 --> 00:01:56,491 That was very good. 57 00:01:56,533 --> 00:01:58,744 That was very close to music. 58 00:01:58,786 --> 00:02:00,537 Not close enough. 59 00:02:00,579 --> 00:02:03,958 Kimmy, I swear, I'm gonna 60 00:02:00,579 --> 00:02:03,958 learn how to play this thing. 61 00:02:03,999 --> 00:02:07,210 Now, don't forget, starting 62 00:02:03,999 --> 00:02:07,210 The Bracelets was my idea. 63 00:02:07,252 --> 00:02:08,837 That's why 64 00:02:07,252 --> 00:02:08,837 it would be so tragic 65 00:02:08,879 --> 00:02:10,297 to have to replace you. 66 00:02:11,423 --> 00:02:14,927 Kimmy, do me a favor. 67 00:02:11,423 --> 00:02:14,927 Don't help. 68 00:02:16,511 --> 00:02:18,847 Alright, let's uh, let's do 69 00:02:16,511 --> 00:02:18,847 the song "Venus", alright? 70 00:02:18,889 --> 00:02:20,348 Let's do the tune, okay? 71 00:02:18,889 --> 00:02:20,348 You start it. 72 00:02:20,390 --> 00:02:21,558 Go ahead, D.J., 73 00:02:20,390 --> 00:02:21,558 go ahead. 74 00:02:21,600 --> 00:02:22,935 [discordant music] 75 00:02:22,977 --> 00:02:25,437 Good. That's good. 76 00:02:22,977 --> 00:02:25,437 That's very good. 77 00:02:25,479 --> 00:02:27,522 ["Venus" music] 78 00:02:29,066 --> 00:02:30,233 Sing it, kid. 79 00:02:30,275 --> 00:02:32,569 ♪ The goddess 80 00:02:30,275 --> 00:02:32,569 on a mountaintop ♪ 81 00:02:32,611 --> 00:02:33,862 Oh, lay it down, child. 82 00:02:33,904 --> 00:02:36,156 ♪ Is burnin' 83 00:02:33,904 --> 00:02:36,156 like a silver flame ♪ 84 00:02:36,197 --> 00:02:37,532 (Jesse) 85 00:02:36,197 --> 00:02:37,532 'Burn it down 86 00:02:36,197 --> 00:02:37,532 to the ground.' 87 00:02:37,574 --> 00:02:39,785 ♪ Summit of beauty 88 00:02:37,574 --> 00:02:39,785 and love ♪ 89 00:02:39,827 --> 00:02:40,869 Love. 90 00:02:40,911 --> 00:02:43,038 ♪ And Venus was her name ♪ 91 00:02:43,080 --> 00:02:46,000 ♪ Ow she's got it ♪ 92 00:02:46,041 --> 00:02:48,502 ♪ Yeah baby she's got it ♪ 93 00:02:52,047 --> 00:02:54,091 This side is so much 94 00:02:52,047 --> 00:02:54,091 easier to play. 95 00:02:55,258 --> 00:02:57,636 Um, let me try again. 96 00:02:58,637 --> 00:02:59,638 Alright. 97 00:02:59,680 --> 00:03:01,556 [discordant music] 98 00:03:01,598 --> 00:03:04,059 That was beautiful. 99 00:03:04,101 --> 00:03:05,519 'Look, I'm sorry 100 00:03:04,101 --> 00:03:05,519 to cut this short' 101 00:03:05,560 --> 00:03:08,605 but tonight is Joey's 102 00:03:05,560 --> 00:03:08,605 big night. Let's go. 103 00:03:08,647 --> 00:03:11,441 D.J., maybe you should 104 00:03:08,647 --> 00:03:11,441 stay home tonight and practice. 105 00:03:11,483 --> 00:03:14,444 In fact, you may have 106 00:03:11,483 --> 00:03:14,444 to drop out of school. 107 00:03:14,486 --> 00:03:16,030 Kimmy, lighten up. 108 00:03:16,071 --> 00:03:18,949 It's that kind of attitude 109 00:03:16,071 --> 00:03:18,949 that broke up The Go-Go's. 110 00:03:21,910 --> 00:03:23,996 Alright, Danny, listen 111 00:03:21,910 --> 00:03:23,996 to this. I got a new bit. 112 00:03:24,038 --> 00:03:25,873 [imitates Ed Meese] 113 00:03:24,038 --> 00:03:25,873 Hello, Wilbur. 114 00:03:25,914 --> 00:03:29,292 I'm gonna visit 115 00:03:25,914 --> 00:03:29,292 all my friends in prison. 116 00:03:30,585 --> 00:03:31,753 Mr. Ed? 117 00:03:31,795 --> 00:03:34,548 Close. Mr. Ed Meese. 118 00:03:34,589 --> 00:03:36,675 [laughter on recorder] 119 00:03:38,552 --> 00:03:40,595 Joey, you are gonna 120 00:03:38,552 --> 00:03:40,595 be hot tonight. 121 00:03:40,637 --> 00:03:42,056 It's finally 122 00:03:40,637 --> 00:03:42,056 gonna happen, Danny. 123 00:03:42,097 --> 00:03:46,810 I can feel it. 124 00:03:42,097 --> 00:03:46,810 Tonight is my night. 125 00:03:46,852 --> 00:03:48,353 Oh, did I tell you 126 00:03:46,852 --> 00:03:48,353 there's gonna be 127 00:03:48,395 --> 00:03:50,397 a talent scout there from HBO-- 128 00:03:50,438 --> 00:03:53,734 Who's looking for talented 129 00:03:50,438 --> 00:03:53,734 young comics for a big special. 130 00:03:53,775 --> 00:03:55,652 Yeah, you might have 131 00:03:53,775 --> 00:03:55,652 mentioned it once or twice 132 00:03:55,694 --> 00:03:58,530 or several hundred 133 00:03:55,694 --> 00:03:58,530 thousand times. 134 00:03:58,572 --> 00:04:00,365 [laughter on recorder] 135 00:04:01,825 --> 00:04:03,952 Got the kid packed up. 136 00:04:03,994 --> 00:04:05,620 She can either spend 137 00:04:03,994 --> 00:04:05,620 the night over at grandma's 138 00:04:05,662 --> 00:04:07,706 or six months in Europe. 139 00:04:07,748 --> 00:04:09,791 - Here. 140 00:04:07,748 --> 00:04:09,791 - Thank you. 141 00:04:09,833 --> 00:04:12,169 I'm sorry you're gonna 142 00:04:09,833 --> 00:04:12,169 miss this, Michelle. 143 00:04:12,211 --> 00:04:14,337 Okay, give me a kiss 144 00:04:12,211 --> 00:04:14,337 for good luck. 145 00:04:16,423 --> 00:04:18,508 [laughter on recorder] 146 00:04:21,136 --> 00:04:22,804 Alright. 147 00:04:22,846 --> 00:04:25,933 Well, this kills me but I think 148 00:04:22,846 --> 00:04:25,933 I'll be supportive for a moment. 149 00:04:25,974 --> 00:04:28,435 Joseph, you're a real funny guy 150 00:04:28,476 --> 00:04:31,188 and you're gonna do 151 00:04:28,476 --> 00:04:31,188 great tonight. Time's up. 152 00:04:31,230 --> 00:04:33,065 [chuckles] 153 00:04:33,107 --> 00:04:35,692 Well, thanks. 154 00:04:33,107 --> 00:04:35,692 I'll be touched for a moment. 155 00:04:35,734 --> 00:04:37,986 Time's up. Alright. 156 00:04:38,028 --> 00:04:39,029 Wish me luck, everybody. 157 00:04:39,071 --> 00:04:40,197 - Good luck! 158 00:04:39,071 --> 00:04:40,197 - Good luck! 159 00:04:40,239 --> 00:04:43,617 Tonight is my night. Yes! 160 00:04:44,868 --> 00:04:46,661 Well, we better 161 00:04:44,868 --> 00:04:46,661 get going too. 162 00:04:46,703 --> 00:04:47,746 No, no, no, no. 163 00:04:46,703 --> 00:04:47,746 We can't go yet. 164 00:04:47,788 --> 00:04:49,289 My date hasn't 165 00:04:47,788 --> 00:04:49,289 showed up yet. 166 00:04:49,330 --> 00:04:51,291 I'm so nervous. 167 00:04:51,332 --> 00:04:52,751 Good evening, Jess. 168 00:04:54,253 --> 00:04:55,837 Hello, dear. 169 00:04:56,755 --> 00:04:58,423 Sorry I kept you waiting. 170 00:04:58,465 --> 00:05:01,843 May I say you look 171 00:04:58,465 --> 00:05:01,843 quite lovely this evening? 172 00:05:01,885 --> 00:05:05,847 And may I say you look quite 173 00:05:01,885 --> 00:05:05,847 lovely yourself too, also? 174 00:05:07,390 --> 00:05:08,850 Here you are. 175 00:05:08,892 --> 00:05:11,228 What are you lugging 176 00:05:08,892 --> 00:05:11,228 around a purse for? 177 00:05:11,270 --> 00:05:14,439 Because I have woman things 178 00:05:11,270 --> 00:05:14,439 I need on a date. 179 00:05:15,816 --> 00:05:17,651 Money for a phone call.. 180 00:05:17,692 --> 00:05:19,319 ...keys to someplace.. 181 00:05:19,360 --> 00:05:22,322 ...and of course, an orange. 182 00:05:22,363 --> 00:05:24,658 - 'Shall we?' 183 00:05:22,363 --> 00:05:24,658 - Let's. 184 00:05:29,079 --> 00:05:30,371 - Thank you. 185 00:05:29,079 --> 00:05:30,371 - Thank you. 186 00:05:30,413 --> 00:05:31,665 - Thank you. 187 00:05:30,413 --> 00:05:31,665 - Ah, thank you. 188 00:05:31,706 --> 00:05:32,916 Thank you. 189 00:05:32,958 --> 00:05:35,252 They do make 190 00:05:32,958 --> 00:05:35,252 a lovely couple. 191 00:05:36,170 --> 00:05:37,296 I'll get the panda. 192 00:05:38,337 --> 00:05:40,257 [instrumental music] 193 00:05:41,549 --> 00:05:44,761 The fire goes in 194 00:05:41,549 --> 00:05:44,761 the pan just like that.. 195 00:05:44,803 --> 00:05:47,597 and then, voila! 196 00:05:47,639 --> 00:05:50,100 A duck! Ha ha! 197 00:05:50,142 --> 00:05:52,435 - This guy's great. 198 00:05:50,142 --> 00:05:52,435 - Eh. 199 00:05:52,477 --> 00:05:54,688 And now the duck 200 00:05:52,477 --> 00:05:54,688 goes into 201 00:05:54,729 --> 00:05:56,481 the magic box 202 00:05:54,729 --> 00:05:56,481 right over here. 203 00:05:56,523 --> 00:05:58,108 No, no, no. 204 00:05:56,523 --> 00:05:58,108 It's not a microwave. 205 00:05:58,150 --> 00:06:00,401 [laughs] 206 00:06:00,443 --> 00:06:01,862 Th-thank you. 207 00:06:03,280 --> 00:06:04,656 Then.. 208 00:06:06,158 --> 00:06:08,952 [audience cheers] 209 00:06:08,994 --> 00:06:10,078 Now, that's entertainment. 210 00:06:10,120 --> 00:06:11,621 What happened 211 00:06:10,120 --> 00:06:11,621 to the duck? 212 00:06:11,663 --> 00:06:13,498 Thank you very much! 213 00:06:11,663 --> 00:06:13,498 Goodnight! 214 00:06:13,540 --> 00:06:15,792 Let's hear it 215 00:06:13,540 --> 00:06:15,792 for the amazing Ed Alonzo. 216 00:06:15,834 --> 00:06:18,461 Come on! 217 00:06:18,503 --> 00:06:20,088 We're gonna be right back 218 00:06:18,503 --> 00:06:20,088 after a short break 219 00:06:20,130 --> 00:06:21,840 with our very own 220 00:06:20,130 --> 00:06:21,840 Joey Gladstone. 221 00:06:21,882 --> 00:06:23,591 - Whoo! 222 00:06:21,882 --> 00:06:23,591 - Yay! 223 00:06:23,633 --> 00:06:24,843 [applause] 224 00:06:26,678 --> 00:06:28,138 This is every comic's dream 225 00:06:28,180 --> 00:06:29,514 following a magician. 226 00:06:29,556 --> 00:06:31,683 The audience 227 00:06:29,556 --> 00:06:31,683 is dying to laugh. 228 00:06:31,725 --> 00:06:33,935 Don't look now 229 00:06:31,725 --> 00:06:33,935 but the guy from HBO 230 00:06:33,977 --> 00:06:35,645 is sitting 231 00:06:33,977 --> 00:06:35,645 right behind you. 232 00:06:41,693 --> 00:06:43,444 My bodyguards. 233 00:06:44,445 --> 00:06:46,365 Joey, break a leg. 234 00:06:46,405 --> 00:06:47,615 Break a leg? 235 00:06:47,657 --> 00:06:49,868 Honey, that means good luck. 236 00:06:49,910 --> 00:06:52,453 Oh. Poke an eye out, Joey. 237 00:06:54,122 --> 00:06:55,707 That's my date, huh? 238 00:06:55,749 --> 00:06:56,833 Thanks, guys. 239 00:06:56,875 --> 00:06:58,710 - Good luck. 240 00:06:56,875 --> 00:06:58,710 - Good luck. 241 00:06:58,752 --> 00:07:01,504 Alright, we're back 242 00:06:58,752 --> 00:07:01,504 and it's time for Mr. Fun. 243 00:07:01,546 --> 00:07:03,924 He's wacky, he's zany 244 00:07:01,546 --> 00:07:03,924 as a matter of fact 245 00:07:03,965 --> 00:07:05,717 we consider him part 246 00:07:03,965 --> 00:07:05,717 of the family.. 247 00:07:05,759 --> 00:07:07,594 ...'cause he expects 248 00:07:05,759 --> 00:07:07,594 to get fed for free. 249 00:07:07,635 --> 00:07:09,804 [laughing] 250 00:07:09,846 --> 00:07:12,057 Wait a minute. 251 00:07:09,846 --> 00:07:12,057 I know that laugh. 252 00:07:12,099 --> 00:07:13,350 Is Phyllis? 253 00:07:13,392 --> 00:07:14,601 Is that Phyllis Diller? 254 00:07:14,642 --> 00:07:16,561 Oh, I love you, Brucie. 255 00:07:16,603 --> 00:07:18,105 Why don't you stand up 256 00:07:16,603 --> 00:07:18,105 and take a bow? 257 00:07:18,146 --> 00:07:19,564 Oh, thank you. 258 00:07:19,606 --> 00:07:20,941 [applause] 259 00:07:21,900 --> 00:07:23,360 I had no trouble 260 00:07:21,900 --> 00:07:23,360 getting up. 261 00:07:23,402 --> 00:07:25,237 I've had things lifted 262 00:07:23,402 --> 00:07:25,237 so many times 263 00:07:25,279 --> 00:07:27,030 I just rise automatically. 264 00:07:27,072 --> 00:07:28,531 [laughter] 265 00:07:28,573 --> 00:07:30,033 Hey, you think 266 00:07:28,573 --> 00:07:30,033 we might be able to get her 267 00:07:30,075 --> 00:07:31,576 up here to tell a few jokes? 268 00:07:31,618 --> 00:07:33,370 I can't. I can't. 269 00:07:33,412 --> 00:07:34,871 No, you can't, you can't. 270 00:07:34,913 --> 00:07:36,290 This is my night. 271 00:07:36,331 --> 00:07:37,416 Please. 272 00:07:37,457 --> 00:07:38,666 Oh, what the heck. 273 00:07:38,708 --> 00:07:41,669 I hate to see 274 00:07:38,708 --> 00:07:41,669 a grown man beg. 275 00:07:41,711 --> 00:07:44,256 I take that back. 276 00:07:41,711 --> 00:07:44,256 I love it. 277 00:07:44,298 --> 00:07:46,383 Let's hear it. 278 00:07:44,298 --> 00:07:46,383 Phyllis Diller! 279 00:07:46,425 --> 00:07:49,219 [cheering] 280 00:07:49,261 --> 00:07:51,763 Well, number one, I should 281 00:07:49,261 --> 00:07:51,763 never have married Fang. 282 00:07:51,805 --> 00:07:53,098 I found that out 283 00:07:51,805 --> 00:07:53,098 at the wedding. 284 00:07:53,140 --> 00:07:54,515 He got down 285 00:07:53,140 --> 00:07:54,515 to the altar and asked 286 00:07:54,557 --> 00:07:56,559 for a blindfold 287 00:07:54,557 --> 00:07:56,559 and cigarette. 288 00:07:57,852 --> 00:07:59,896 Then he paid 289 00:07:57,852 --> 00:07:59,896 the organist 20 bucks 290 00:07:59,938 --> 00:08:03,483 to play 291 00:07:59,938 --> 00:08:03,483 "What Kind Of Fool Am I?" 292 00:08:03,524 --> 00:08:06,611 Then he tried to get 293 00:08:03,524 --> 00:08:06,611 my garter off over my head. 294 00:08:07,821 --> 00:08:09,030 And he did. 295 00:08:11,032 --> 00:08:12,784 'You wouldn't have believed 296 00:08:11,032 --> 00:08:12,784 the engagement ring.' 297 00:08:12,826 --> 00:08:14,577 He said it was 298 00:08:12,826 --> 00:08:14,577 a square-cut emerald. 299 00:08:14,619 --> 00:08:16,913 It was a Chiclet. 300 00:08:16,955 --> 00:08:19,707 [instrumental music] 301 00:08:19,749 --> 00:08:22,461 So I told Fang, 302 00:08:19,749 --> 00:08:22,461 "I did not lose the bumper. 303 00:08:22,502 --> 00:08:24,296 It's in the back seat." 304 00:08:26,214 --> 00:08:28,716 I can't believe I've 305 00:08:26,214 --> 00:08:28,716 been up here for an hour. 306 00:08:28,758 --> 00:08:30,135 Hour and a half. 307 00:08:30,177 --> 00:08:32,720 I've got to go. 308 00:08:30,177 --> 00:08:32,720 I've got dinner reservations. 309 00:08:32,762 --> 00:08:34,764 And my date is getting cold. 310 00:08:35,932 --> 00:08:37,434 You've been 311 00:08:35,932 --> 00:08:37,434 absolutely great. 312 00:08:37,476 --> 00:08:40,103 (Bruce) 313 00:08:37,476 --> 00:08:40,103 'Phyllis Diller! 314 00:08:37,476 --> 00:08:40,103 Come on! What a treat!' 315 00:08:40,145 --> 00:08:42,397 'Phyllis Diller, 316 00:08:40,145 --> 00:08:42,397 ladies and gentlemen.' 317 00:08:44,983 --> 00:08:48,445 'No, no! Wait, wait! 318 00:08:44,983 --> 00:08:48,445 There's plenty more laughs! I--' 319 00:08:48,487 --> 00:08:50,489 Anyway, you guys know 320 00:08:48,487 --> 00:08:50,489 what ticks me off 321 00:08:50,530 --> 00:08:52,115 more than anything else 322 00:08:50,530 --> 00:08:52,115 in the world? 323 00:08:52,157 --> 00:08:53,992 Have you guys seen 324 00:08:52,157 --> 00:08:53,992 the stuff they're giving away 325 00:08:54,034 --> 00:08:57,245 in cereal boxes? Jeez. 326 00:08:57,287 --> 00:09:00,123 Well, let's hear it 327 00:08:57,287 --> 00:09:00,123 for our own Joey Gladstone! 328 00:09:00,165 --> 00:09:01,541 - Yay! 329 00:09:00,165 --> 00:09:01,541 - Yay! 330 00:09:01,582 --> 00:09:03,126 (Joey) 331 00:09:01,582 --> 00:09:03,126 'Thank you.' 332 00:09:03,168 --> 00:09:04,627 Thank you. Aren't we lucky? 333 00:09:04,669 --> 00:09:06,380 Of all the nights out 334 00:09:04,669 --> 00:09:06,380 of the year Phyllis Diller 335 00:09:06,421 --> 00:09:08,382 picked tonight 336 00:09:06,421 --> 00:09:08,382 to be at this club. 337 00:09:09,757 --> 00:09:11,051 Hey, remember when 338 00:09:09,757 --> 00:09:11,051 you were younger 339 00:09:11,092 --> 00:09:12,344 how whenever your mom 340 00:09:11,092 --> 00:09:12,344 got mad at you 341 00:09:12,386 --> 00:09:14,095 she always 342 00:09:12,386 --> 00:09:14,095 had the final word? 343 00:09:14,137 --> 00:09:16,723 And she could always change 344 00:09:14,137 --> 00:09:16,723 any word she wanted into a verb. 345 00:09:16,764 --> 00:09:18,058 'So it was kind of like' 346 00:09:18,099 --> 00:09:19,393 "Hey, mom, 347 00:09:18,099 --> 00:09:19,393 could I have a cookie?" 348 00:09:19,434 --> 00:09:22,521 "Oh, I'll cookie you." 349 00:09:22,562 --> 00:09:23,604 Thanks a lot. 350 00:09:23,646 --> 00:09:25,565 Hope your tractor starts. 351 00:09:27,984 --> 00:09:29,819 I see some people are here 352 00:09:27,984 --> 00:09:29,819 on dates tonight. 353 00:09:29,861 --> 00:09:31,405 Why is it that when someone 354 00:09:29,861 --> 00:09:31,405 gives your date a compliment 355 00:09:31,446 --> 00:09:32,697 you always 356 00:09:31,446 --> 00:09:32,697 take credit for it 357 00:09:32,739 --> 00:09:34,324 as if you had something 358 00:09:32,739 --> 00:09:34,324 to do with it? 359 00:09:34,366 --> 00:09:35,825 So it's kinda like, uh 360 00:09:35,867 --> 00:09:37,577 "Hey, you know your 361 00:09:35,867 --> 00:09:37,577 girlfriend's really a doll." 362 00:09:37,618 --> 00:09:41,122 "Well, thanks, I made her 363 00:09:37,618 --> 00:09:41,122 at home with my chemistry set." 364 00:09:41,164 --> 00:09:44,251 Wait, would you like to 365 00:09:41,164 --> 00:09:44,251 hear some impressions? 366 00:09:44,292 --> 00:09:46,794 Uh, some current events? 367 00:09:46,836 --> 00:09:48,713 Would you like 368 00:09:46,836 --> 00:09:48,713 to see my bridgework? 369 00:09:50,090 --> 00:09:52,175 [instrumental music] 370 00:09:55,678 --> 00:09:56,679 Joey, are you down here? 371 00:09:56,721 --> 00:09:58,515 (Joey) 372 00:09:56,721 --> 00:09:58,515 'I'm here.' 373 00:09:58,557 --> 00:10:01,226 We were worried. We didn't 374 00:09:58,557 --> 00:10:01,226 hear you come in last night. 375 00:10:05,813 --> 00:10:07,023 Good morning, all. 376 00:10:10,277 --> 00:10:12,153 Is that you 377 00:10:10,277 --> 00:10:12,153 inside that suit? 378 00:10:13,488 --> 00:10:14,948 Indeed it is. 379 00:10:19,827 --> 00:10:22,705 He's been moussing. 380 00:10:24,249 --> 00:10:25,875 Joey, you've never moussed. 381 00:10:25,917 --> 00:10:27,461 Please, call me Joe. 382 00:10:27,502 --> 00:10:31,131 It's more sophisticated, 383 00:10:27,502 --> 00:10:31,131 more grown-uppy. 384 00:10:33,216 --> 00:10:35,885 Uh, excuse me, Joe. 385 00:10:35,927 --> 00:10:37,720 Is there 386 00:10:35,927 --> 00:10:37,720 a punch line to this? 387 00:10:37,762 --> 00:10:39,055 Oh, there's no punch line. 388 00:10:39,097 --> 00:10:41,308 You see, last night 389 00:10:39,097 --> 00:10:41,308 was a revelation. 390 00:10:41,349 --> 00:10:44,394 That big break 391 00:10:41,349 --> 00:10:44,394 is not coming. 392 00:10:44,436 --> 00:10:46,813 I am going to venture 393 00:10:44,436 --> 00:10:46,813 into the business world. 394 00:10:46,854 --> 00:10:50,275 I'm going to get a real job 395 00:10:46,854 --> 00:10:50,275 and make some real money. 396 00:10:50,317 --> 00:10:52,735 I'm starting a whole 397 00:10:50,317 --> 00:10:52,735 new way of life. 398 00:10:52,777 --> 00:10:55,029 But what about your comedy? 399 00:10:55,071 --> 00:10:57,282 D.J., there comes 400 00:10:55,071 --> 00:10:57,282 a point in your life 401 00:10:57,324 --> 00:10:59,117 where you just have to 402 00:10:57,324 --> 00:10:59,117 say to yourself 403 00:10:59,159 --> 00:11:01,369 "I tried and I failed." 404 00:11:02,579 --> 00:11:04,247 I'm just glad 405 00:11:02,579 --> 00:11:04,247 I found this out now 406 00:11:04,289 --> 00:11:06,916 and not when 407 00:11:04,289 --> 00:11:06,916 I'm 46 years old. 408 00:11:06,958 --> 00:11:08,251 Whew! 409 00:11:08,293 --> 00:11:10,378 I am quitting comedy. 410 00:11:14,341 --> 00:11:16,092 Lee Iacocca? 411 00:11:17,427 --> 00:11:18,886 My man. 412 00:11:20,430 --> 00:11:22,516 [instrumental music] 413 00:11:27,562 --> 00:11:29,105 Boy, I'm glad 414 00:11:27,562 --> 00:11:29,105 I took off work today. 415 00:11:29,147 --> 00:11:31,065 Otherwise, I would've 416 00:11:29,147 --> 00:11:31,065 missed a fascinating tour 417 00:11:31,107 --> 00:11:34,777 of every day care center 418 00:11:31,107 --> 00:11:34,777 in the northern bay area. 419 00:11:34,819 --> 00:11:37,030 I know, but once Joey 420 00:11:34,819 --> 00:11:37,030 finds a job 421 00:11:37,071 --> 00:11:38,573 we're gonna lose a baby-sitter. 422 00:11:38,615 --> 00:11:40,825 We've got to find 423 00:11:38,615 --> 00:11:40,825 a great place for Michelle. 424 00:11:40,867 --> 00:11:44,454 We've narrowed it down 425 00:11:40,867 --> 00:11:44,454 to your favorite 803. Here. 426 00:11:44,496 --> 00:11:45,872 Okay, let's switch. 427 00:11:45,913 --> 00:11:47,748 - Here you go. 428 00:11:45,913 --> 00:11:47,748 - Come here, Michelle. 429 00:11:47,790 --> 00:11:50,544 Okay. I liked this place. 430 00:11:50,585 --> 00:11:53,004 "Piggly Wiggly's Fitness 431 00:11:50,585 --> 00:11:53,004 And Day-care Center 432 00:11:53,046 --> 00:11:56,174 specializing 433 00:11:53,046 --> 00:11:56,174 in toddlerobics." 434 00:11:56,216 --> 00:11:59,052 Oh, look at this, 435 00:11:56,216 --> 00:11:59,052 a complimentary sweatband. 436 00:11:59,093 --> 00:12:00,554 Let's see how she likes it. 437 00:11:59,093 --> 00:12:00,554 I'll crank some music. 438 00:12:00,595 --> 00:12:01,804 Alright. 439 00:12:00,595 --> 00:12:01,804 Here we go, Michelle. 440 00:12:01,846 --> 00:12:03,515 Let's try on a sweatband. 441 00:12:07,726 --> 00:12:10,855 Ooh, Arnold Schwarzen-baby. 442 00:12:12,815 --> 00:12:14,651 [upbeat music] 443 00:12:14,693 --> 00:12:16,319 Okay. Alright. 444 00:12:14,693 --> 00:12:16,319 Here we go, Michelle. 445 00:12:16,361 --> 00:12:17,654 Let's work it out. 446 00:12:16,361 --> 00:12:17,654 Work it out. 447 00:12:17,696 --> 00:12:19,197 And go, and up. 448 00:12:19,239 --> 00:12:20,823 'Now go. 449 00:12:19,239 --> 00:12:20,823 Now breathe.' 450 00:12:20,865 --> 00:12:22,534 - 'Now in.' 451 00:12:20,865 --> 00:12:22,534 - 'Now go.' 452 00:12:22,576 --> 00:12:23,951 Now go! 453 00:12:22,576 --> 00:12:23,951 Now go! 454 00:12:23,993 --> 00:12:25,328 Now go for the burn! 455 00:12:25,370 --> 00:12:28,122 'Now go! 456 00:12:25,370 --> 00:12:28,122 Now go! Now go!' 457 00:12:28,164 --> 00:12:31,792 'Now go! Now up! 458 00:12:28,164 --> 00:12:31,792 Now go!' 459 00:12:36,214 --> 00:12:37,632 Obviously you feel 460 00:12:36,214 --> 00:12:37,632 pretty secure 461 00:12:37,674 --> 00:12:39,509 about those chubby 462 00:12:37,674 --> 00:12:39,509 little legs of yours. 463 00:12:45,098 --> 00:12:46,433 Why don't we just go 464 00:12:45,098 --> 00:12:46,433 with the center 465 00:12:46,474 --> 00:12:47,434 with the nicest people? 466 00:12:47,475 --> 00:12:49,852 - Good thinking. 467 00:12:47,475 --> 00:12:49,852 - Okay. 468 00:12:49,894 --> 00:12:52,146 Come here. 469 00:12:52,188 --> 00:12:53,607 Good afternoon, 470 00:12:52,188 --> 00:12:53,607 gentlemen. 471 00:12:53,648 --> 00:12:56,025 Afternoon, Joe. 472 00:12:53,648 --> 00:12:56,025 How'd it go today? 473 00:12:56,067 --> 00:12:57,569 Two more job offers. 474 00:12:57,611 --> 00:12:59,778 Bank teller 475 00:12:57,611 --> 00:12:59,778 and a stockbroker trainee. 476 00:12:59,820 --> 00:13:01,656 Great. Which one 477 00:12:59,820 --> 00:13:01,656 are you gonna take? 478 00:13:01,698 --> 00:13:02,865 Neither. 479 00:13:02,907 --> 00:13:04,117 The bank job, the bank was 480 00:13:04,158 --> 00:13:05,826 way up on this big hill. 481 00:13:05,868 --> 00:13:07,120 You've got to go 482 00:13:05,868 --> 00:13:07,120 all the way up the hill 483 00:13:07,161 --> 00:13:09,122 back down the hill. 484 00:13:09,163 --> 00:13:10,665 Not my style. 485 00:13:12,375 --> 00:13:16,087 Stockbroker job, 486 00:13:12,375 --> 00:13:16,087 they served me instant coffee. 487 00:13:16,129 --> 00:13:18,131 Enough said? 488 00:13:18,172 --> 00:13:19,882 Excuse me, Mr. Businessman, 489 00:13:18,172 --> 00:13:19,882 but do you realize 490 00:13:19,924 --> 00:13:21,509 you've been offered eight jobs 491 00:13:21,551 --> 00:13:23,553 and you found something wrong 492 00:13:21,551 --> 00:13:23,553 with all eight of them? 493 00:13:23,595 --> 00:13:25,430 Hey, I know 494 00:13:23,595 --> 00:13:25,430 what I'm doing. 495 00:13:25,472 --> 00:13:27,390 I don't wanna rush 496 00:13:25,472 --> 00:13:27,390 into anything. 497 00:13:27,432 --> 00:13:29,183 I'm not gonna make 498 00:13:27,432 --> 00:13:29,183 the same mistake I did 499 00:13:29,225 --> 00:13:31,144 when I got into comedy. 500 00:13:32,019 --> 00:13:33,812 Hi, daddy. 501 00:13:32,019 --> 00:13:33,812 Hi, Uncle Jesse. 502 00:13:35,106 --> 00:13:36,608 Hello, Joe. 503 00:13:38,817 --> 00:13:40,194 Hello, Stephanie. 504 00:13:40,236 --> 00:13:42,322 Want to watch 505 00:13:40,236 --> 00:13:42,322 "Rocky and Bullwinkle"? 506 00:13:42,363 --> 00:13:43,782 [laughs] 507 00:13:43,822 --> 00:13:46,033 No cartoons for me, Steph. 508 00:13:46,075 --> 00:13:48,286 I am going to read 509 00:13:46,075 --> 00:13:48,286 the Wall Street Journal. 510 00:13:48,328 --> 00:13:50,789 Cartoons. 511 00:13:48,328 --> 00:13:50,789 I'm a businessman. 512 00:13:50,829 --> 00:13:52,749 [scoffs] 513 00:13:52,791 --> 00:13:54,917 I miss the old Joey. 514 00:13:54,959 --> 00:13:57,170 So do I. 515 00:13:57,211 --> 00:13:59,046 He's not happy 516 00:13:57,211 --> 00:13:59,046 about giving up comedy. 517 00:13:59,088 --> 00:14:01,508 That's why he keeps 518 00:13:59,088 --> 00:14:01,508 turning down all those jobs. 519 00:14:01,549 --> 00:14:04,218 Joey's really starting 520 00:14:01,549 --> 00:14:04,218 to worry me. 521 00:14:04,260 --> 00:14:06,179 Joey's always worried me. 522 00:14:12,059 --> 00:14:13,227 Here we go, 523 00:14:12,059 --> 00:14:13,227 it goes like this. 524 00:14:13,269 --> 00:14:15,438 ♪ Do re mi fa 525 00:14:13,269 --> 00:14:15,438 so la ti do ♪ 526 00:14:15,480 --> 00:14:16,815 Try that. 527 00:14:16,897 --> 00:14:18,733 ♪ Do re mi fa ♪ 528 00:14:18,775 --> 00:14:20,901 ♪ No no wrong wrong ♪ 529 00:14:22,612 --> 00:14:24,656 I stink! 530 00:14:24,698 --> 00:14:27,784 My hands are too small. 531 00:14:24,698 --> 00:14:27,784 My fingers cramp up. 532 00:14:27,826 --> 00:14:29,076 It's just too hard. 533 00:14:29,118 --> 00:14:31,621 Yes, D.J., 534 00:14:29,118 --> 00:14:31,621 it is hard at first, but.. 535 00:14:34,415 --> 00:14:37,502 How would you like to hear 536 00:14:34,415 --> 00:14:37,502 a story about a little boy? 537 00:14:38,795 --> 00:14:40,296 I have a feeling 538 00:14:38,795 --> 00:14:40,296 I'm gonna hear it 539 00:14:40,338 --> 00:14:41,840 no matter what I say. 540 00:14:42,841 --> 00:14:44,967 Once there was a little boy 541 00:14:45,009 --> 00:14:47,554 who heard 542 00:14:45,009 --> 00:14:47,554 an Elvis Presley record. 543 00:14:47,595 --> 00:14:48,929 The King. 544 00:14:48,971 --> 00:14:50,223 Wonderful story. 545 00:14:50,264 --> 00:14:52,475 It gets better. 546 00:14:50,264 --> 00:14:52,475 It gets better. 547 00:14:52,517 --> 00:14:55,436 This little boy, 548 00:14:52,517 --> 00:14:55,436 he was so inspired 549 00:14:55,478 --> 00:14:56,937 that he hopped 550 00:14:55,478 --> 00:14:56,937 on his bike 551 00:14:56,979 --> 00:14:58,481 he pedaled down 552 00:14:56,979 --> 00:14:58,481 to that pawnshop 553 00:14:58,523 --> 00:15:01,735 traded his bike in 554 00:14:58,523 --> 00:15:01,735 for a guitar. 555 00:15:01,776 --> 00:15:04,320 And that boy.. 556 00:15:04,362 --> 00:15:06,865 ...he sat in his room, 557 00:15:04,362 --> 00:15:06,865 he practiced day and night 558 00:15:06,906 --> 00:15:08,199 night and day. 559 00:15:08,241 --> 00:15:10,869 Where else could he go? 560 00:15:08,241 --> 00:15:10,869 He had no bike. 561 00:15:10,910 --> 00:15:14,539 Anyway, finally, 562 00:15:10,910 --> 00:15:14,539 one magical day 563 00:15:14,581 --> 00:15:16,750 the music surged 564 00:15:14,581 --> 00:15:16,750 through his body 565 00:15:16,791 --> 00:15:19,252 into his fingertips, 566 00:15:16,791 --> 00:15:19,252 and he could do this. 567 00:15:19,293 --> 00:15:21,379 [guitar solo] 568 00:15:25,132 --> 00:15:27,093 And you know what? 569 00:15:27,134 --> 00:15:29,637 That little boy.. 570 00:15:29,679 --> 00:15:31,180 ...was me. 571 00:15:33,433 --> 00:15:34,975 Big surprise ending. 572 00:15:36,686 --> 00:15:39,397 So...what do you think? 573 00:15:39,439 --> 00:15:41,315 I think I'll take the guitar 574 00:15:39,439 --> 00:15:41,315 down to the pawn shop 575 00:15:41,357 --> 00:15:43,359 and get myself 576 00:15:41,357 --> 00:15:43,359 a new bike. 577 00:15:45,194 --> 00:15:47,530 I'll never be a Bracelet. 578 00:15:45,194 --> 00:15:47,530 I quit. 579 00:15:47,572 --> 00:15:51,367 D.J., you put The Bracelets 580 00:15:47,572 --> 00:15:51,367 together. You can't quit. 581 00:15:51,409 --> 00:15:52,993 I tried and I failed. 582 00:15:53,035 --> 00:15:54,788 I'm just glad 583 00:15:53,035 --> 00:15:54,788 I figured this out now 584 00:15:54,829 --> 00:15:57,373 and not when I'm 46. 585 00:15:59,709 --> 00:16:01,252 Joey. 586 00:16:01,294 --> 00:16:03,087 Danny! 587 00:16:03,129 --> 00:16:04,881 What's the matter? 588 00:16:04,923 --> 00:16:07,842 We've gotta come up with an idea 589 00:16:04,923 --> 00:16:07,842 to get Joey back into comedy. 590 00:16:07,884 --> 00:16:10,219 Alright. 591 00:16:07,884 --> 00:16:10,219 I like that attitude. 592 00:16:10,261 --> 00:16:12,889 What caused the sudden 593 00:16:10,261 --> 00:16:12,889 change of heart? 594 00:16:12,931 --> 00:16:15,850 Daniel, Joseph 595 00:16:12,931 --> 00:16:15,850 is our friend. 596 00:16:15,892 --> 00:16:17,435 He needs us. 597 00:16:17,477 --> 00:16:21,522 Besides, I hate that 598 00:16:17,477 --> 00:16:21,522 moussy hair of his. Come on. 599 00:16:23,357 --> 00:16:24,859 It's nice of you guys 600 00:16:23,357 --> 00:16:24,859 to come down 601 00:16:24,901 --> 00:16:26,861 and watch me try out 602 00:16:24,901 --> 00:16:26,861 some new tunes this evening. 603 00:16:26,903 --> 00:16:29,071 Kind of strange being here 604 00:16:26,903 --> 00:16:29,071 at the old club. 605 00:16:29,113 --> 00:16:31,950 This place has 606 00:16:29,113 --> 00:16:31,950 barely changed. 607 00:16:31,991 --> 00:16:34,786 Joe, you were here 608 00:16:31,991 --> 00:16:34,786 three days ago. 609 00:16:34,828 --> 00:16:36,036 Right. 610 00:16:36,078 --> 00:16:38,498 Well, welcome 611 00:16:36,078 --> 00:16:38,498 to amateur night. 612 00:16:38,539 --> 00:16:40,708 [applause] 613 00:16:40,750 --> 00:16:42,627 We got magicians, 614 00:16:40,750 --> 00:16:42,627 we got singers 615 00:16:42,669 --> 00:16:47,256 we got comics and by popular 616 00:16:42,669 --> 00:16:47,256 demand, no mimes. 617 00:16:47,298 --> 00:16:49,843 Let's start things off with 618 00:16:47,298 --> 00:16:49,843 the music of Jesse Cochran. 619 00:16:49,884 --> 00:16:53,429 Let's hear it! 620 00:16:49,884 --> 00:16:53,429 Go, Jess! Yeah! 621 00:16:53,471 --> 00:16:54,806 Thank you. 622 00:16:53,471 --> 00:16:54,806 Thanks very much, but, uh.. 623 00:16:54,848 --> 00:16:56,474 Actually, there's 624 00:16:54,848 --> 00:16:56,474 been a change in plans. 625 00:16:56,516 --> 00:16:59,352 You see, this evening 626 00:16:56,516 --> 00:16:59,352 I'm going to begin my career 627 00:16:59,393 --> 00:17:01,228 as a stand-up comedian. 628 00:17:01,270 --> 00:17:03,606 Oh, he's gotta be kidding. 629 00:17:03,648 --> 00:17:05,817 I'd like to start off 630 00:17:03,648 --> 00:17:05,817 with a fast impression. 631 00:17:05,859 --> 00:17:08,152 It goes like this.. 632 00:17:08,194 --> 00:17:09,863 Uh, hello, Wilbur. 633 00:17:09,904 --> 00:17:14,241 Uh, let's go down and visit 634 00:17:09,904 --> 00:17:14,241 some of my friends in prison. 635 00:17:14,283 --> 00:17:17,745 Ladies and gentlemen, 636 00:17:14,283 --> 00:17:17,745 Ed Moose! 637 00:17:17,787 --> 00:17:19,288 That's Mr. Ed Meese! 638 00:17:19,330 --> 00:17:21,791 He's stealing my material. 639 00:17:21,833 --> 00:17:24,251 What do you care? 640 00:17:21,833 --> 00:17:24,251 You quit doing comedy. 641 00:17:24,293 --> 00:17:26,880 That's right. I'm just 642 00:17:24,293 --> 00:17:26,880 a businessman enjoying the show. 643 00:17:26,921 --> 00:17:29,298 Why is it, you know, when 644 00:17:26,921 --> 00:17:29,298 you have, like a pretty date 645 00:17:29,340 --> 00:17:31,509 you know, and you say, 646 00:17:29,340 --> 00:17:31,509 "Hey, thank you, man. 647 00:17:31,551 --> 00:17:33,093 I got a chemistry set"? 648 00:17:35,262 --> 00:17:36,639 Hey, if you're gonna 649 00:17:35,262 --> 00:17:36,639 steal my jokes 650 00:17:36,681 --> 00:17:39,851 steal them right, 651 00:17:36,681 --> 00:17:39,851 you yahoo bird. 652 00:17:39,893 --> 00:17:41,435 Do you realize you're 653 00:17:39,893 --> 00:17:41,435 the first comic in history 654 00:17:41,477 --> 00:17:43,270 to heckle his own act? 655 00:17:43,312 --> 00:17:44,731 And what's really 656 00:17:43,312 --> 00:17:44,731 strange is, you know 657 00:17:44,772 --> 00:17:47,316 you know how your mom, 658 00:17:44,772 --> 00:17:47,316 she can change any, uh 659 00:17:47,358 --> 00:17:48,735 Sorry, your mother, your mother. 660 00:17:48,776 --> 00:17:51,445 She can change anything 661 00:17:48,776 --> 00:17:51,445 into, like, an adjective 662 00:17:51,487 --> 00:17:54,073 uh, um, a pronoun.. 663 00:17:54,114 --> 00:17:55,241 ...a syllable. 664 00:17:55,282 --> 00:17:56,743 - A verb! 665 00:17:55,282 --> 00:17:56,743 - A verb! 666 00:17:56,784 --> 00:17:59,286 She can change, 667 00:17:56,784 --> 00:17:59,286 your mom, your mothers 668 00:17:59,328 --> 00:18:00,914 can change anything 669 00:17:59,328 --> 00:18:00,914 into a verb. 670 00:18:00,955 --> 00:18:02,248 It's like, you know, 671 00:18:00,955 --> 00:18:02,248 it's like, she comes, no, wait. 672 00:18:02,289 --> 00:18:04,083 I come, no, 673 00:18:02,289 --> 00:18:04,083 she comes home 674 00:18:04,124 --> 00:18:05,501 and she says to me-- 675 00:18:04,124 --> 00:18:05,501 No, I ask her 676 00:18:05,543 --> 00:18:07,587 I say, "Hey, hey, 677 00:18:05,543 --> 00:18:07,587 mo-mother, hey, mother 678 00:18:07,628 --> 00:18:09,171 I say, 679 00:18:07,628 --> 00:18:09,171 "Hey, mom-mother 680 00:18:09,213 --> 00:18:11,632 "Can I, uh.. 681 00:18:11,674 --> 00:18:13,300 You know, "hey, 682 00:18:11,674 --> 00:18:13,300 can I have a cookie?" 683 00:18:13,342 --> 00:18:16,303 and she says, "Ooh, you 684 00:18:13,342 --> 00:18:16,303 want some milk with that?" 685 00:18:16,345 --> 00:18:18,431 Then it's, 686 00:18:16,345 --> 00:18:18,431 "I'll cookie you!" 687 00:18:18,472 --> 00:18:20,892 You're killing my jokes! 688 00:18:18,472 --> 00:18:20,892 This is comedy murder! 689 00:18:20,934 --> 00:18:22,602 Oh, what? You think 690 00:18:20,934 --> 00:18:22,602 you could do better? 691 00:18:22,643 --> 00:18:24,103 This napkin 692 00:18:22,643 --> 00:18:24,103 could do better. 693 00:18:24,144 --> 00:18:25,521 Be my guest, pal. 694 00:18:25,563 --> 00:18:27,523 Alright, fine. 695 00:18:25,563 --> 00:18:27,523 Ladies and gentlemen 696 00:18:27,565 --> 00:18:30,276 what he's trying to say 697 00:18:27,565 --> 00:18:30,276 is that when your mom.. 698 00:18:34,906 --> 00:18:36,783 I fell right into your 699 00:18:34,906 --> 00:18:36,783 little trap, didn't I? 700 00:18:38,618 --> 00:18:40,828 Break your legs, buddy. 701 00:18:40,870 --> 00:18:43,539 Ladies and gentlemen, the comedy 702 00:18:40,870 --> 00:18:43,539 styling of Joseph Gladstone. 703 00:18:43,581 --> 00:18:44,958 Alright. 704 00:18:43,581 --> 00:18:44,958 Get out of here. 705 00:18:44,999 --> 00:18:46,166 Jesse Cochran! 706 00:18:46,208 --> 00:18:48,962 Thank you! 707 00:18:46,208 --> 00:18:48,962 Thank you! Thank you! 708 00:18:50,588 --> 00:18:52,172 See, what Jesse 709 00:18:50,588 --> 00:18:52,172 was talking about 710 00:18:52,214 --> 00:18:53,967 was, you know, moms 711 00:18:52,214 --> 00:18:53,967 and when you were younger. 712 00:18:54,008 --> 00:18:56,218 My mom used to, used to 713 00:18:54,008 --> 00:18:56,218 chase me around all the time 714 00:18:56,260 --> 00:18:57,929 but she didn't really 715 00:18:56,260 --> 00:18:57,929 chase me with her legs. 716 00:18:57,971 --> 00:18:59,931 She kind of chased me 717 00:18:57,971 --> 00:18:59,931 with her arms. 718 00:18:59,973 --> 00:19:01,891 So it was two propellers 719 00:18:59,973 --> 00:19:01,891 coming at me all the time. 720 00:19:01,933 --> 00:19:04,602 It was like, "You get back here. 721 00:19:01,933 --> 00:19:04,602 You get back here." 722 00:19:04,644 --> 00:19:06,395 I'm just going, "Mom, 723 00:19:04,644 --> 00:19:06,395 you're gonna take off 724 00:19:06,437 --> 00:19:08,856 and I don't think you have 725 00:19:06,437 --> 00:19:08,856 clearance from the tower." 726 00:19:10,691 --> 00:19:12,860 I couldn't outrun my dad. 727 00:19:10,691 --> 00:19:12,860 My dad would start chasing me. 728 00:19:12,902 --> 00:19:14,112 He would start 729 00:19:12,902 --> 00:19:14,112 pulling his belt. 730 00:19:14,153 --> 00:19:15,863 It like he was 731 00:19:14,153 --> 00:19:15,863 starting his hips. 732 00:19:15,905 --> 00:19:17,907 It was, Vrrrr! 733 00:19:15,905 --> 00:19:17,907 "You come back here." 734 00:19:17,949 --> 00:19:20,326 [imitates engine] 735 00:19:17,949 --> 00:19:20,326 "You come back here." 736 00:19:20,367 --> 00:19:21,786 Oh, gosh. 737 00:19:21,828 --> 00:19:24,038 Every time my dad pulled 738 00:19:21,828 --> 00:19:24,038 his belt, he ran faster. 739 00:19:24,080 --> 00:19:26,582 I thought for years, well, maybe 740 00:19:24,080 --> 00:19:26,582 my dad's a riding lawn mower. 741 00:19:26,624 --> 00:19:29,335 I didn't know. 742 00:19:29,376 --> 00:19:31,253 Hey, did you guys ever wake up 743 00:19:29,376 --> 00:19:31,253 first thing in the morning 744 00:19:31,295 --> 00:19:32,463 and you answer the phone 745 00:19:32,505 --> 00:19:34,007 and you sound 746 00:19:32,505 --> 00:19:34,007 just like Elmer Fudd? 747 00:19:34,048 --> 00:19:37,343 So you're like, 748 00:19:34,048 --> 00:19:37,343 "Heh-woe." 749 00:19:37,384 --> 00:19:39,804 And you never admit to the other 750 00:19:37,384 --> 00:19:39,804 person that you just woke up. 751 00:19:39,846 --> 00:19:41,597 We always lie, 752 00:19:39,846 --> 00:19:41,597 and it's like, "Oh, no 753 00:19:41,639 --> 00:19:43,975 I've been up for hours 754 00:19:41,639 --> 00:19:43,975 and hours." 755 00:19:44,017 --> 00:19:45,518 Then you go and you 756 00:19:44,017 --> 00:19:45,518 look in the mirror 757 00:19:45,559 --> 00:19:47,311 and you look like 758 00:19:45,559 --> 00:19:47,311 Elmer Fudd and you're like 759 00:19:47,353 --> 00:19:49,605 "This is worse 760 00:19:47,353 --> 00:19:49,605 than I ever dreamed." 761 00:19:49,647 --> 00:19:51,858 [imitates Elmer] 762 00:19:51,899 --> 00:19:56,195 Oh, come on. Quit it. 763 00:19:51,899 --> 00:19:56,195 Get out of here. 764 00:19:56,236 --> 00:19:57,363 Thanks for 765 00:19:56,236 --> 00:19:57,363 all your help, guys. 766 00:19:57,404 --> 00:19:58,698 - Alright. 767 00:19:57,404 --> 00:19:58,698 - Yeah. 768 00:19:58,739 --> 00:20:00,908 That's where you belong, 769 00:19:58,739 --> 00:20:00,908 up on stage 770 00:20:00,950 --> 00:20:03,285 bringing joy 771 00:20:00,950 --> 00:20:03,285 to total strangers. 772 00:20:03,327 --> 00:20:04,495 Yeah, you're right. 773 00:20:04,537 --> 00:20:05,621 I just get so tired of waiting 774 00:20:05,663 --> 00:20:06,831 for that big break 775 00:20:06,873 --> 00:20:09,291 and the paycheck 776 00:20:06,873 --> 00:20:09,291 that goes with it. 777 00:20:09,333 --> 00:20:10,751 Take one of those jobs. 778 00:20:10,793 --> 00:20:12,837 Why do you think I work 779 00:20:10,793 --> 00:20:12,837 as an exterminator? 780 00:20:12,879 --> 00:20:14,421 You think I play 781 00:20:12,879 --> 00:20:14,421 rock 'n' roll music 782 00:20:14,463 --> 00:20:17,675 to support 783 00:20:14,463 --> 00:20:17,675 my bug-killing habit? 784 00:20:17,717 --> 00:20:19,093 You're right, Jess. 785 00:20:19,135 --> 00:20:20,720 I'm gonna find something 786 00:20:19,135 --> 00:20:20,720 that I could do at home. 787 00:20:20,761 --> 00:20:22,471 That way, I could still 788 00:20:20,761 --> 00:20:22,471 watch the girls 789 00:20:22,513 --> 00:20:25,474 make a few bucks, 790 00:20:22,513 --> 00:20:25,474 and still do my act at night. 791 00:20:25,516 --> 00:20:28,227 Ah, tonight...ha-ha! 792 00:20:28,268 --> 00:20:30,771 Tonight was my night. 793 00:20:30,813 --> 00:20:33,107 Everything worked out great 794 00:20:30,813 --> 00:20:33,107 and we all lived 795 00:20:33,149 --> 00:20:35,526 happily ever after. 796 00:20:35,568 --> 00:20:37,319 Thank you 797 00:20:35,568 --> 00:20:37,319 and goodnight, guys. 798 00:20:37,361 --> 00:20:38,988 Whoa, whoa, whoa, 799 00:20:37,361 --> 00:20:38,988 whoa, whoa, whoa. 800 00:20:39,030 --> 00:20:41,115 Hold it, hold it. Whoa. 801 00:20:41,157 --> 00:20:42,783 Not so fast. 802 00:20:44,911 --> 00:20:46,620 You want a hug, don't you? 803 00:20:47,914 --> 00:20:51,084 Not unless I'm choking 804 00:20:47,914 --> 00:20:51,084 on a chicken bone. 805 00:20:51,125 --> 00:20:54,545 No. It seems we have a problem 806 00:20:51,125 --> 00:20:54,545 with one of my little nieces. 807 00:20:54,587 --> 00:20:56,172 We do? 808 00:20:56,214 --> 00:20:58,674 Jesse told me 809 00:20:56,214 --> 00:20:58,674 when you quit comedy 810 00:20:58,716 --> 00:21:00,259 D.J. quit playing the guitar. 811 00:21:00,300 --> 00:21:01,343 She did? 812 00:21:01,385 --> 00:21:02,678 Apparently the kid 813 00:21:01,385 --> 00:21:02,678 looks up to you 814 00:21:02,720 --> 00:21:05,014 for some strange reason. 815 00:21:05,056 --> 00:21:06,473 She does? 816 00:21:06,515 --> 00:21:08,768 And you know 817 00:21:06,515 --> 00:21:08,768 what to do about it. 818 00:21:08,809 --> 00:21:09,769 I do? 819 00:21:09,810 --> 00:21:12,312 - You do. 820 00:21:09,810 --> 00:21:12,312 - You do. 821 00:21:12,354 --> 00:21:14,065 I do. 822 00:21:16,025 --> 00:21:18,527 You see? He did. 823 00:21:18,569 --> 00:21:19,862 Didn't he? 824 00:21:23,449 --> 00:21:25,201 [knock on door] 825 00:21:30,706 --> 00:21:31,958 D.J.? 826 00:21:37,130 --> 00:21:38,338 D.J. 827 00:21:38,380 --> 00:21:41,217 Joey, this isn't 828 00:21:38,380 --> 00:21:41,217 what it looks like. 829 00:21:41,259 --> 00:21:44,011 It looks like you're 830 00:21:41,259 --> 00:21:44,011 watching David Letterman. 831 00:21:44,053 --> 00:21:45,888 Okay. It is 832 00:21:44,053 --> 00:21:45,888 what it looks like. 833 00:21:47,681 --> 00:21:49,016 What's up? 834 00:21:51,769 --> 00:21:53,479 Well, Deej.. 835 00:21:53,520 --> 00:21:56,023 I just wanted to tell you 836 00:21:53,520 --> 00:21:56,023 what happened tonight. 837 00:21:56,065 --> 00:21:59,110 Should we go someplace 838 00:21:56,065 --> 00:21:59,110 else so we don't wake Steph? 839 00:21:59,152 --> 00:22:02,362 Are you kidding? The kid 840 00:21:59,152 --> 00:22:02,362 slept through Johnny Carson. 841 00:22:03,405 --> 00:22:04,573 Not that I was watching it. 842 00:22:04,615 --> 00:22:06,200 Oh, no. 843 00:22:06,242 --> 00:22:07,785 Well, D.J., guess what? 844 00:22:07,827 --> 00:22:09,495 I got back up 845 00:22:07,827 --> 00:22:09,495 on stage tonight 846 00:22:09,536 --> 00:22:12,456 I did my stand-up, 847 00:22:09,536 --> 00:22:12,456 and I was great. 848 00:22:12,498 --> 00:22:14,667 But I thought you quit. 849 00:22:14,708 --> 00:22:18,296 Well, I did but I think 850 00:22:14,708 --> 00:22:18,296 I was just frustrated 851 00:22:18,337 --> 00:22:20,422 and looking for 852 00:22:18,337 --> 00:22:20,422 the easy way out. 853 00:22:20,464 --> 00:22:21,674 Oh, I get it. 854 00:22:21,715 --> 00:22:23,176 Jesse told you 855 00:22:21,715 --> 00:22:23,176 I quit the guitar 856 00:22:23,217 --> 00:22:25,636 and now you're here 857 00:22:23,217 --> 00:22:25,636 to talk me out of it. 858 00:22:25,678 --> 00:22:29,015 So I guess I can skip 859 00:22:25,678 --> 00:22:29,015 the Tortoise and the Hare story? 860 00:22:29,056 --> 00:22:30,766 I'd appreciate it. 861 00:22:32,018 --> 00:22:34,187 I didn't quit 862 00:22:32,018 --> 00:22:34,187 just because of you. 863 00:22:34,228 --> 00:22:36,230 I quit because I stink. 864 00:22:36,272 --> 00:22:37,731 D.J., how do you know 865 00:22:36,272 --> 00:22:37,731 you stink? 866 00:22:37,773 --> 00:22:39,733 You've only 867 00:22:37,773 --> 00:22:39,733 been playing a week. 868 00:22:39,775 --> 00:22:41,027 But if you 869 00:22:39,775 --> 00:22:41,027 keep practicing 870 00:22:41,068 --> 00:22:43,612 you might 871 00:22:41,068 --> 00:22:43,612 get really good at it. 872 00:22:43,654 --> 00:22:46,073 But if you quit now, 873 00:22:43,654 --> 00:22:46,073 you may never know. 874 00:22:46,115 --> 00:22:48,034 He's right, D.J. Oops. 875 00:22:50,703 --> 00:22:52,288 What are you doing up? 876 00:22:52,330 --> 00:22:55,166 I'm not up. 877 00:22:52,330 --> 00:22:55,166 I'm talking in my sleep. 878 00:22:57,043 --> 00:22:59,086 D.J., one more thing. 879 00:22:59,128 --> 00:23:01,714 Giving up isn't your style. 880 00:23:01,755 --> 00:23:03,674 You put The Bracelets together. 881 00:23:03,716 --> 00:23:05,926 I mean, you picked 882 00:23:03,716 --> 00:23:05,926 the name of the group. 883 00:23:05,968 --> 00:23:08,221 D.J., you get things done. 884 00:23:09,889 --> 00:23:11,473 'The D.J. I know 885 00:23:09,889 --> 00:23:11,473 wouldn't give up' 886 00:23:11,515 --> 00:23:13,517 just 'cause 887 00:23:11,515 --> 00:23:13,517 it's the easy way out. 888 00:23:20,691 --> 00:23:22,235 Goodnight, girls. 889 00:23:22,276 --> 00:23:23,861 Goodnight, Joe. 890 00:23:25,612 --> 00:23:26,613 Call me Joey. 891 00:23:26,655 --> 00:23:29,616 Really? 892 00:23:26,655 --> 00:23:29,616 You're Joey again? 893 00:23:29,658 --> 00:23:31,911 [imitates Bullwinkle] 894 00:23:29,658 --> 00:23:31,911 That's correct, 895 00:23:29,658 --> 00:23:31,911 my little friends. 896 00:23:33,495 --> 00:23:36,582 So nightie night night. Hmm. 897 00:23:38,709 --> 00:23:41,128 He's back. Joey's back. 898 00:23:43,256 --> 00:23:45,299 [sighs] 899 00:23:50,804 --> 00:23:54,850 ♪ The goddess 900 00:23:50,804 --> 00:23:54,850 on the mountaintop ♪ 901 00:23:54,892 --> 00:23:58,520 ♪ Burnin' like 902 00:23:54,892 --> 00:23:58,520 a silver flame ♪ 903 00:23:58,562 --> 00:24:01,565 Very nice, D.J., 904 00:23:58,562 --> 00:24:01,565 very nice. 905 00:24:01,607 --> 00:24:05,111 ♪ Ow she's got it ♪ 906 00:24:05,152 --> 00:24:06,987 ♪ Baby she's got it ♪♪ 907 00:24:08,530 --> 00:24:10,074 [theme music]