[Jesse Frederick singing
"Everywhere You Look"]
♪ Ah ah ah ♪
♪ Ah ♪
♪ Whatever happened
to predictability ♪
♪ The milkman
the paper boy ♪
♪ Evening TV ♪
♪ Did I get
delivered here ♪
♪ Somebody tell me please ♪
♪ This old world's
confusing me ♪
♪ Clouds as mean
as you've ever seen ♪
♪ There ain't a bird
who knows your tune ♪
♪ Then a little voice
inside you whispers ♪
♪ Kid don't sell
your dreams so soon ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ There's a heart ♪
♪ A hand to hold on to ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ There's a face ♪
♪ Of somebody who needs you ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ When you're lost out there ♪
♪ And you're all alone ♪
♪ A light is waiting
to carry you home ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Ah ah ah ♪
♪ Doobie doo
bah bah dah ♪♪
[Stacey Q singing "Don't Make
A Fool Of Yourself"]
♪ Wait a minute baby ♪
♪ If you're walkin'
out the door ♪
♪ You better look
before you leap boy ♪
♪ Don't be comin' back
for more ♪
Ow!
♪ Listen to me baby ♪
♪ It's important that you
try and understand ♪
♪ I am not a fighter ♪
♪ I'm a lover
I'll do anything.. ♪♪
[laughing]
Oh, like you never do this.
Not like that.
Check it out, D.J.,
I'm out of school tomorrow.
Really?
"Please excuse Kimmy
from school.
"Our family rabbit
is having bunnies
"and we want Kimmy
to share the miracle."
Your mother wrote this?
Nah! My parents are in Vegas.
My big brother wrote it.
It cost me 20 bucks
but I got the money
from his wallet.
[chuckles]
So, this means you can
go to the Minimall
and get Stacey Q's autograph.
(in unison)
Stacey Q! She's so rad!
Hi. What are you doing?
What are you talking about?
Can I play?
Hello?
Steph, let me
explain this one more time.
Your world is down here.
Our world is up here.
Okay, now can I play?
Girls, come on down
and say goodbye!
Okay, here's a few phone numbers
you might need
while I'm down in LA.
"Uh, pediatrician,
grandma
"police, fire department
"the other grandma
"uh, poison control, dentist."
You left off the White House
and the Equalizer.
Okay. Maybe I'm overreacting.
It's just that it's
my first night
away from the girls overnight.
(D.J.)
Bye, dad!
- Bye.
- Bye. We'll miss you!
Aw, I'm going to miss my girls.
Hmm.
I'll miss you.
Daddy, take it easy.
You're hugging
other people's kids.
Sorry, Kimmy.
Now, you all know
that while I'm gone
Uncle Jesse and Joey,
they're gonna be in charge.
So, you'll be on
your best behavior, right?
We won't let you down, dad.
Come on, girls.
Time for bed.
- Let's go.
- Let's go, girls.
(Jesse)
Steph, let's go, come on.
Uncle Jesse, can I stay up
15 extra minutes?
Absolutely not.
Buh-bye, honey.
Uh, dad, before you go
you wouldn't mind
if I got an autograph
of my favorite singer,
Stacey Q, would ya?
No. Not at all.
Great! You're the best dad.
Just sign this note excusing
me from school tomorrow
and have a wonderful trip.
Nice try, D.J.
Oh, come on, dad. You just said
I could have the autograph.
I'd only be missing
one day of school.
I'm sorry.
I'll make it up.
I'll go to school on Christmas.
D.J., we all have our jobs.
My job is to go to LA
and cover a surfing competition.
Your job is to go to school.
Kimmy gets to go.
Why can't I?
Because you're not Kimmy.
I don't know why
Kimmy's missing school
but there's a lot
of things about Kimmy
that I don't understand.
If I don't get
this autograph, I'll die.
D.J., no one has ever died
from lack of autograph.
I really got to go,
now, come on
give your father a big hug.
Goodbye, father.
Come here, daughter.
Give your dad a hug.
Have a good time.
(Danny)
'See you tomorrow afternoon.'
Sorry, D.J.
This isn't over yet.
[instrumental music]
Alright.
♪ Searchin' for my woman
I went to Carolina ♪
♪ I followed her to China ♪
♪ And I still
couldn't find her ♪
♪ I heard
she moved to Cleveland ♪
♪ I got there she was leavin' ♪
♪ I was odd she was even ♪
♪ Boy did it snow.. ♪♪
Ugh. God, that's horrible.
I loved it.
Really?
I could be wrong.
I think you're so talented.
You're charming,
good-looking, funny.
Great head of hair.
Okay, what do you want?
By the way,
whatever it is, you got it.
Can I interview you?
I have an essay to do
on the person I admire most.
And, of course, I picked you.
Well, yes.
Yes. Sure.
Okay. Here. Sit.
Go. Be. Do.
Well, it-it, uh, it all
started about a 150 years ago
with my
great-great-grandfather Spiro.
Uncle Jesse, let's
skip ahead to your life.
I bet you were pretty wild
as a little kid, huh?
Oh! D.J., you might say
I was a rebel munchkin.
[chuckles]
In fact, you know,
my coloring book
I used to color
on the outside of the lines
on purpose.
Hmm. You were bad.
You bet.
I bet you got away
with all kinds of stuff.
You probably ditched
school a lot, huh?
Well, not a lot,
but once in a while.
Not that I'm proud of it
but I was the best, not that
I'm proud of that either.
I remember this one time that
I'm particularly not proud of.
I was dying to see
the Rolling Stones'
farewell concert.
It was either their fifth
or sixth. It was their sixth.
Uh, get to the ditching
part, please.
Oh, sure, well,
what happened was
I just ran
the basic sick scam.
You know, I mean,
uh, I-I said I had a fever
and cold hands and red eyes
and, of course,
those 2 magical words.
I'm sick.
Wait, wait, wait, slow down,
I can't write that fast.
Oh, I'm sorry. That's
I'm si-i-i-i-i-ck. Five I's.
I'm si.. There you go.
Okay, uh, see, meantime
I tell my mom, you know,
I really want to go to school
but she calls me in sick anyway.
So then how'd
you go to the concert?
Tut-tut-tut.
Here comes the genius
of your Uncle J.
What I did was ten minutes later
I convinced my mom
that I'm all better
so she sends me to school.
And since she already
called the school..
They weren't expecting me.
...and you were free
to get the autograph
I mean, go to the concert.
Thanks, Uncle Jesse.
Sure. Anyway,
after the concert..
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
What is this? That's-that's
the end of the interview?
Oh. Uh, no. Uh, what's
your favorite color?
Black.
Thank you.
[instrumental music]
[sniffs]
Ugh!
[sighs]
Hundred and six. Hospital.
Hundred and four. Doctor.
Hundred and one.
Out of school.
Oh-h-h.
What's wrong?
I'm si-i-i-i-i-ck.
Poor baby.
I'll get Joey.
You just need some
peace and quiet.
Joey, get in here!
Get in here!
What is it?
What's wrong?
She's si-i-i-i-i-ck.
I'll get you
some juice, D.J.
I wish I could get you
Stacey Q's autograph.
D.J., you're burning up.
You have a fever. 101.
A 101? Let me see.
D.J., your hands
feel like icicles.
They do.
But, Joey, I have
to go to school today.
There's a big test
on C-C-Canada.
You want to go to school?
You must be really sick.
I'm calling school right now.
Oh-h-h.
I am so rad.
Michelle, you're doing
a great job.
Yeah. Tomorrow I'm going
to show you how to vacuum.
Hi, Joey.
What are you doing out of bed?
My hands are warm,
my head's cold.
I can go to school.
Freeze!
[imitates siren]
Move it.
I need to see
your license, registration
and forehead.
You feel fine.
How can that possibly be?
It's a miracle.
No, the miracle would be
is if I fell for this.
I know exactly what's going on.
Oh, no. You do?
What do you think,
I'm an idiot?
It's pretty obvious to me,
you felt so guilty
about getting out of that test
with that phony sick bit
that you finally broke down
and decided to go to school.
That's exactly right.
Boy, I can't fool you.
No, you really can't, Deej.
'You're a classy kid.
I'm proud of you.'
Uh, right. Well, I'm off
to school to take that test.
[chuckles]
No speeding.
Michelle, your daddy
is gonna be very happy
when he sees the way
that I'm handling things.
'Here you go.'
No, Michelle.
I wash, you dry.
We gotta to be cool.
Hi.
(in unison)
She's so rad!
Thanks for coming down.
You're welcome, Ms. Q.
Stacey. Who should
I make these out to?
I'm Kimmy. Two Ms,
a "Y", an "I", and a "K"
but not in that order.
And you can make mine to D.J.
the girl who's
like a sister to me
who I'll take to
the Grammy Awards.
Or just to D.J.
Here you go, girls.
See you soon.
- She wants to be our friend.
- Yes!
- Look at this.
- Oh, man.
[indistinct chatter]
Oh! It's Joey!
Oh! Run! Hide, hide!
Go in there.
[Michelle cooing]
What's the matter?
You want down?
Huh? Okay.
Don't buy too many Chipmunk CDs.
[chuckles]
(Michelle)
'Oh.'
No, no, no.
Go back to Joey.
No. Go away! Shoo!
'Go. Go.'
Go get Benny.
Take it to Joey.
Go get Benny. Go pick up
Benny. Take it to Joey.
Good, good.
Now, go take it to Joey.
'He's over there. Go, go.'
'Take it to Joey.'
I don't believe it.
I taught her this game.
Come here, Michelle. Come here.
Can you save my place?
I got to get my baby. Huh.
My little baby.
[chuckles]
It's not really even my baby.
You don't care, do you?
Go find Joey.
You found Joey.
D.J?
What are you doing here?
Getting busted.
What are you doing here?
I was so impressed
with your honesty
that I decided to came down
here and get you an autograph.
(Joey)
'D.J., this is not cool.'
I trusted you.
Give me that autograph.
Come on. Let's go.
We're going home.
This is so humiliating.
[Stacey Q singing "Don't Make
A Fool Of Yourself"]
♪ Don't you understand ♪
♪ Take my ♪♪
You know, Michelle, it's
a shame kids have to grow up.
Why can't they stay
like you, so sweet, so innocent?
'So ladylike.'
'Yeah.'
Joey, what's the emergency?
D.J. cut school to get
Stacey Q's autograph.
I left work early for that?
Joseph, do you realize
I was this close
to finally figuring out
where that line of ants
actually begins?
How you doing, kid?
She did more than
cut school, Jess.
She completely faked me out.
You? No!
[chuckles]
Jesse, this plan was diabolical.
She faked the flu.
I called in sick for her.
Then boom, she's better.
She takes off just like that.
The conniving little sneak.
Oh, Joey, she's
not a conniving little sneak.
I gave her that plan.
You what?
Well, she was, uh,
interviewing me for her essay
on the person she admires most.
[chuckles]
There's no essay.
That conniving little sneak.
Danny's gone.
We're in charge.
Now, what are we gonna to do?
- Well, let's think about this.
- Hmm.
See, when I was
a kid and I got in trouble
my dad showed me no mercy.
In fact, he took
so many privileges away
that to this day
when I go visit my parents
I gotta go straight
to my room, no TV, no dinner.
Well, whenever I was bad
my dad would sit me down
talk about right
and wrong and good and bad
for hours and hours on and on
until finally I beat
the hell out of myself.
The worst part,
though, the worst part
was when my dad
gave me the dad face.
You know, it was like like this.
Ooh. The dad face.
- That's good. Let me try it.
- Alright.
No, no, no, Joey. That's
the I just ate bad chili face.
You don't have to do that.
I feel bad enough.
I'm really sorry.
I totally blew it.
I'll never do anything
like this again.
Regardless...but
Joseph and I must deal
with your misconduct,
young lady.
Misconduct?
Young lady?
I really am
turning into my father.
If I start wearing
a while belt and shoes to match
throw me down
the stairs, will you?
I'd be honored.
D.J., we're going
to have to punish you.
So no TV for two weeks.
What you call
that punishment?
No TV, no music
for two weeks.
Oh, yeah? I see your no TV
and no music for two weeks
and I raise you,
no friends over for a month.
I call.
No TV, music and no friends
over for a month.
Are we agreed, young lady?
Sure. I deserve to be punished.
Dad trusted me
and I let him down.
I hate myself.
Excuse us.
Listen, man, I think
the kid is sorry.
I mean, she's been punished
I think when
Danny comes back from LA
maybe we shouldn't
tell him about this.
Don't you think he has a right
to know exactly what happened?
Yes, I do, but I don't
want him to think
we can't take care of the girls.
You're absolutely right.
I forgot about that.
He may never
want to leave the house again.
Now you're thinkin'.
Alright, D.J.
we're not going
to tell your dad what happened.
Well, alright.
Oh, thank you,
thank you, thank you.
"The bunny and the ducky
and the turtle and the frog
"all rode home on a rainbow
"and smiled for
the rest of their lives."
I love this story.
- Yeah. See?
- Uh.
Yeah.
Cowabunga, dudes!
Hi, dad.
- 'Hey, Danny.'
- 'Hey!'
Aw, I missed
my little dudettes.
Let me dudette again.
LA claims another victim.
[laughing]
How did everything go here?
- 'Good.'
- Great. Yeah. It's fine.
Hi, daddy!
Hi.
D.J., you look so much better.
You look so much better?
Um...yeah. I got my hair done.
You got gypped.
I thought you were sick.
Right. Sick of this hairstyle.
That's good.
Steph, walk with me.
Talk with me.
[clears throat]
Listen, how 'bout
if we play a little game
entitled let's not
talk about D.J., okay?
- Okay.
- Good.
Anybody want to play
Let's not talk about D.J?
See? Now you've lost the game.
Your punishment is
that you have to go into
the kitchen and,
um, and cook us dinner.
I don't know how to cook.
Polish the silver.
Why are we not
talking about D.J?
Was D.J. sick this morning?
Well, she was a little
under the weather.
But, uh, we got
her right back up on her feet
and shipped her
right back off to school.
Exactly, see, it was hardly
worth mentioning
so we didn't mention it,
everything is great.
Oh. Well, good.
D.J., since you missed
school today
your teacher asked me to
give you your homework.
Thank you so much.
You're welcome.
(Joey)
'Ooh, now, see, that's
a good dad face right there.'
[sighs]
Donna Jo?
I tricked Uncle Jesse
into teaching
me how to fool Joey
into thinking I was sick
so I could cut school
to get that autograph.
But then Michelle busted
me and Joey took me home..
...on a leash.
You liar! You made
me a liar, too.
I lied to Joey, to your
teacher and everybody.
I thought I knew you,
but I don't.
I share my rinse cup
with a stranger.
Stephanie.
I even made you a get-well card.
Here. Get well.
D.J., go wait for me upstairs.
You know, Joey, I starting
to feel a little hungry.
- Yeah, me, too.
- Guys, come back here.
- Actually, I'm not that hungry.
- No, me, either.
I want to know everything that
goes on in my daughters' lives.
Look, I don't expect
you to be perfect parents
but I do expect
you to be honest.
I don't know why,
I don't know why
I don't know why I'm wagging
my finger at you like this.
Look, I don't want
to lecture you guys.
I'd be lost here without you.
But did you have to lie to me?
We just didn't want you to think
that we couldn't handle things
while you were gone.
Yeah, see, we wanted you to know
you could go away and everything
would be cool with your kids.
(Joey)
'And if there's ever a problem'
we should get it
right out in the open.
That's right that we should work
things out together as a family.
In fact, Joey,
say you're sorry and mean it.
I'm sorry. Now you say it.
- Okay. I'm sorry. Okay?
- Okay.
Thanks for the talk.
Steph, what are you doing?
I'm making a get sick card.
I said I was sorry.
Uh-oh. Lecture time.
See ya.
Steph, I think you should stay.
Why do I get a lecture?
I didn't do anything.
But you will,
so take accurate notes.
D.J., come over here.
Why did you do
what you did today?
Because I wanted that autograph
more than anything.
Do you know what the worst part
is about what you did?
That I cut school?
No.
That you tricked Stephanie?
[sighs]
That you were selfish.
All you cared about was D.J.
You did whatever you had to do
to get D.J. what she wanted.
Even if it meant lying
and hurting other people.
I don't wanna be selfish
and I don't wanna hurt
other people's feelings.
I know you don't.
I-I think you really care
about other people.
I'm really sorry, dad.
Well, I know next time
you'll think things through
a lot more carefully
'cause you're a lot better
than what I saw today.
Come here.
Daddy, am I your favorite now?
- Yes.
- Hey!
[laughing]
No, no, no.
No matter what happens
I'm always gonna love all
three of you exactly the same.
Oh, alright.
[chuckles]
I wish Michelle was here.
I like her the best.
- H-hey!
- Hey!
[instrumental music]
[theme music]