[theme music]
Alrighty, boys.
Raising these seats
should be a simple operation.
Step number one.
Hitch up your pants so
your butt crack doesn't show.
'That's right. Very good.'
Now listen,
watch the master
and do exactly what I do
at all times, alright?
Here we go.
'Alright,
step number two.'
We loosen the nut under here.
'Alright?'
'This one's a little tight.'
Knock here. We just..
Oh! Oh! Oh!
Ow! Ow! Ow!
(together)
Ow, ow, ow.
Oh! Oh! Oh!
Pain. Pain. Pain.
(together)
Pain. Pain. Pain.
[Jesse Frederick singing
"Everywhere you look"]
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ There's a heart ♪
♪ A hand to hold onto ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ There's a face ♪
♪ Of somebody
who needs you ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ When you're
lost out there ♪
♪ And you're all alone ♪
♪ A light is waitin'
to carry you home ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Chip-a-dee-ba-ba-dow ♪♪
[instrumental music]
(together)
Yah! Yah! Yah!
Yah! Uh! Yah! Yah!
Mighty mutant super kids.
We have destroyed
the forces of evil.
Ha ha ha!
Time to mutate back
into regular kids.
Derek,
we're done mutating.
Sorry. I got lost
on the super side.
Hey! Why don't we start
a mighty mutant super kids club?
Yeah. But it has to be a secret.
We can't tell anybody.
Especially grownups.
(together)
Yeah.
I propose
we take an oath.
Do we swear never
to tell anyone
about the mighty mutant
super kids club?
(together)
I swear.
If you tell, you have to
pull out your toenails
and eat them.
(together)
Ew.
Lisa, you're gross.
Yeah.
Now, we need to
pick a president.
I pick me.
All in favor say, "Aaron rules."
Perhaps our leader should be
whoever is able to purchase
a mighty mutant super fortress.
How will we gonna get all that
money without telling anyone?
Whoever figures that out
deserves to be president.
Yeah.
[whispering]
Hey, Deej, the Giants
are playing the Dodgers.
And I got an extra ticket.
Oh, thanks, Kimmy. But if I want
to see a man spit and scratch
I'll just watch Joey
polish the silver.
I figured you
wouldn't wanna go
so I asked Nelson.
Kimmy, I only broke up
with the guy a few weeks ago.
I know. I'm going
for that rebound thing.
Do you mind?
You're not jealous, are you?
Of you and Nelson?
Somehow I don't think so.
Oh, so just because
Nelson's rich and handsome
he couldn't possibly
be interested in me?
No, I didn't mean it that way.
I just meant that
we're different.
I mean, some people like steak
and some people like chicken.
Are you calling me a chicken!
No, of course not.
Tell you what.
You can be the steak.
Oh, so now I'm a pig!
Kimmy, steak comes from a cow.
A cow!
That's the final insult!
Hey, Nicky, Alex. Come here.
Give your uncle a hug.
- Hi, Uncle Danny.
- Ooh, thank you.. Oh!
Hey, so what did you guys
do at the park?
I ate dirt.
- Why?
- I told him to.
Stephanie, what are
you doing here?
Why-why-why are you using
my Kiss t-shirt as a rag?
Because it was in the rag pile?
Rag pile? Who put in the rag..
Why was it in the rag pile?
Well, I put it in the rag pile.
You never wear that shirt.
Well, this is my Kiss t-shirt.
I'm saving it
for sentimental reasons.
Man, I used to love Kiss.
Remember the guy
with the tongue?
Rock 'n' roll!
(together)
Rock 'n' roll!
That's nice.
Nice role model, Joey, thanks.
Come on boys, I'll show you
how to lick a stamp.
When it's already
in the mailbox.
Well, honey, I'm really sorry
about your shirt.
I didn't realize you
were such a big Kiss fan.
I'm not. It's just..
It was a gift, you know.
I see.
What was her name?
Why do you automatically
assume it was a woman?
You see what..
[clears throat]
It was Allison White, actually.
She was the first girl
I ever took to a concert.
There, you happy now?
You badgered it out of me.
I can't believe you lost
every tie I ever bought you
and you saved that shirt
for 15 years.
It was actually 14 years.
Well, this girl was obviously
very special to you.
No. No.
I mean, if she was so special
we would have gone through
with the marriage.
You were engaged to her?
Well, not engaged engaged.
Like-like-like
we were engaged.
Things were different.
You know, when you're 16,
you're at a drive-in
the windows are up, you're not
getting enough oxygen
you'll say anything.
Look, didn't you have
some guy in your past
that I don't know about?
- Sure, I did. A ton of 'em!
- A ton, huh?
That one really big fat one
or a bunch of little ones?
Ha ha ha!
It was a lot of
good-looking ones
with really nice hair.
You make me laugh.
Ha ha ha.
Would you like me
to make a list for you?
Fine.
See that?
That was a bad move.
And I'll make a list for you.
Fine.
See? That was
a really bad move.
[instrumental music]
Daddy, can I have $39?
Absolutely not.
Joey, can I have $39?
Absolutely.
Danny, can I borrow $39?
Absolutely not.
Michelle, what's going on?
That's a secret.
Fine honey, you keep your secret
and I'll keep my $39.
Okay, okay.
But swear you won't tell
or you'll have to eat toenails.
That's a standard oath.
Just go with it.
Okay, I swear.
Okay, we started a
mighty mutant super kids club.
And it's my first secret club
and it's really cool.
Whoever gets a super fortress
gets to be president. Let's go.
Michelle, it's not your birthday
and it's not Christmas
and I think $39
is too much for a toy.
Plus, even if you could
squeeze the money out of him
you'd never be able to
get hold of a super fortress.
They're sold out in every
toy store in town.
How would you know that?
Well, I-I might just
have my name
on a few waiting lists.
[instrumental music]
[knock on door]
Nelson. I didn't know
you were coming over.
Uh, Kimmy asked me
to meet her here.
Her mom's having
an electrolysis party.
- So how have you been?
- Keeping busy.
Not with anyone in particular,
just lots of different people.
Yeah, me, too.
Lots of different people.
Who can keep count?
A one-armed man?
Good evening, all.
Kimmy?
Oh, hello, Nelson.
Kimmy, there's something
different about you.
You look so...so lifelike.
Actually, you look lovely.
You know, we still have
some time before the game.
Would you like to go to
Chez Nous, get crepe suzettes?
Well, I'm not that
into Greek food
but uh.. Si, senor.
Well, I guess we'd
better get going. Allow me.
Oh, no, no, no.
Allow me.
[instrumental music]
I must report I failed dismally
at procuring a super fortress.
Me, too. What he said.
[knock on door]
- Who is it?
- Dad.
You can't come in.
You could be Fungo,
the evil wizard.
I got popcorn.
Bring it on, Fungo!
- Hey.
- Popcorn!
Hey, sure looks like the
mighty mutant super kids club
has super appetites.
Hey, that's a secret!
How did you know we were the
mighty mutant super kids club?
Well, uh, I don't know.
You just seem
so mighty and mutant like.
Michelle, you told our secret.
Is this good popcorn or what?
Don't fill up
on popcorn, Michelle.
- You're eating toenails.
- No.
You're out of the club.
Let's go.
I'm afraid
we'll need that headband.
[dramatic music]
Thanks, dad.
Oh, Michelle, I'm sorry.
It-it was an accident.
The best secret club
in the whole world
and I'm out of it.
[instrumental music]
How could I just blurt out
Michelle's secret like that?
You made a mistake.
It doesn't make you a bad person
just a bad person
to tell a secret to.
Hey, honey,
how's it going?
I'd tell you,
but you'd blab.
Can't you just
call your friends and apologize?
I called Derek. He said I should
find a new social circle.
Come on, Comet.
We'll start our own circle.
Well, there goes
my Father of the Year Award.
I'll bet you she'd forgive you
if you got her back
in that club.
How am I supposed to do that?
Well, the word is on the street
that, uh, the toy basement
is expecting
a big shipment
of super fortresses
coming in from Panama tomorrow.
So you're saying
that I should just throw
principle right out the window
and buy Michelle's way
back into the club?
Exacta mundo.
That could work.
Aunt Becky, are you busy?
Oh, no. I'm just making up a
list of the guys I went out with
and all the guys I wish
I'd gone out with
and a few guys guys I made up
just to drive your uncle crazy.
Relationships are so confusing
even when they're over.
I broke up with Nelson, but he
went out with Kimmy last night
and it's driving me crazy.
Well, do you wanna get back
together with Nelson?
No. I just don't want Kimmy
to have him either.
That sounds bad, doesn't it?
Nah. Everybody gets
jealous sometimes.
The important thing
is how you handle it.
I am making up
a phony list.
Larry...Couch-Couchman.
Larry Couchman.
Hey, Beck.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Am I interrupting you guys?
No, it's okay. I'm leaving.
Thanks for listening up, Becky.
You're welcome.
So Beck, you ready
to take a stroll
down ex-lovers lane?
That's your list?
Yep. Oh, well, I narrowed
it down to just the ones
I really cared about.
Uh, I may need some more time.
No, no, no. Time's up.
It's time for you to read.
Go ahead.
"Rebecca. Rebecca. Rebecca.
"Rebecca. Rebecca. Rebecca."
How many Rebecca's did you date?
Only one.
She's more important than
any ratty old Kiss t-shirt
any ratty old girlfriend
or anything else that
happened in my life
before you came into it.
Oh, honey.
It's a good thing that
we love each other so much
and we have nothing
to be jealous of.
Right. Except that list
you're trying to hide.
- What list?
- That list.
Honey.
Who's Veto End-table-lini?
[instrumental music]
(man over PA)
Attention, shoppers.
The toy basement will be
opening in ten seconds.
[screaming]
Hey! Hey, come on.
I'm standing here!
Please, no pushing.
Hey, my nose.
'Please, open the door,
open it.'
[indistinct chatter]
[grunting]
Aah! Watch your heels!
Get up, men.
Danny, give me your hand.
Not now, Joey.
No, I've got a plan.
Come over here.
Jess, here, put your foot here.
Yeah, that's a good idea.
I'll get a closer look.
Yeah, a much closer look.
One, Two.
Wh-oo-aa!
'Oh, oh, oh,
watch it, watch it.'
The hair, the hair.. The hair!
- Joey, I'm going in after him.
- Danny, don't be a fool.
If I don't come out, tell the
girls I love them a lot.
And never forget
to use a coaster.
Excuse me! Pardon me.
Coming through.
Joey, I got one!
Basement, please.
[crying]
Are you okay?
I hurt my finger, mister.
I think it's broken.
Let's take a look here.
Hey, mom! I got one!
Give me that back!
That's mine!
Mommy!
Mommy's here.
I believe that toy
belongs to my daughter.
Gee, your hand
smells terrific.
Got one!
It's all mine!
Sorry, lady.
I thought your legs were wider.
Ow! Your purse was softer.
Hey.. Aah!
Hey, Danny.
How'd it go over there?
Not well.
Attention, shoppers.
We're sorry to announce
we're temporarily out
of super fortresses.
- Jesse!
- Oh, man, come on.
Are you okay, buddy?
Come on, come on.
They messed up my hair.
Oh, look what they did
to Mr. Good-part.
You're shaking off.
We gotta get you home.
- Come on, let's go.
- Come on, buddy.
Psst! Psst!
Hey, guys.
You looking for
Super Fortresses?
[instrumental music]
Could you pass me
another muffin, please?
Thanks.
♪ I am so beautiful ♪
♪ to me ♪♪
I just lost my appetite.
Oh, in that case, you won't
be needing this, thank you.
Hey, Kimmy, how's it..
What the heck
is that on your neck?
Looks like a hickey.
Don't tell me Nelson
gave you a love bite.
Sorry. I'm not the type
to be nibbled and tell.
Kimmy, I want you to know
that whatever happened
between you and Nelson
and I don't need details.
I wish you the best.
Oh, Deej, I thought
you said that Nelson
couldn't be interested in me.
I know. I'm sorry.
I-I guess the only reason
I said that was...
because I was jealous.
You were jealous of me?
Wow.
My whole life,
you were always up here
and I was always down here.
Now I'm up here,
and you're down here.
Cool.
Kimmy, I'd like to think
of it more as...here.
I can live with that.
Thanks, Deej.
Kimmy, there's a picture on the
sports page that looks like you.
Oh, it couldn't be.
Gotta go.
Hold it.
Says here,
"An overexcited fan
"leaned over the fence
to pinch the bat boy
"and took a foul ball
to the neck."
Kimmy!
The worst part is
I missed the bat boy
and got a handful
of Tommy Lasorda.
- Bye.
- See you.
Michelle, why did your dad
call us all here?
I don't know.
He's not home yet.
It better be good!
That's just what
I was thinking.
Dad, what happened
to your shirt?
Same thing that happened to
my ribs, but you can see it.
Alright, Aaron, Derek, Lisa,
I got a little business
proposition for you guys.
We're listening.
Alright. This club
means a lot to Michelle.
If you guys let her back in
I'll give you what's in the bag.
Without seeing it?
You must think we're stupid.
I'm afraid in his own rude way
Aaron's right, sir.
Okay, you guys drive
a hard bargain
but feast your eyes on...
(together)
Super Fortress!
- Whoa. Whoa.
- Look. Whoa. Wow.
Super fake!
Yeah, this is not
an official Super Fortress.
Super Mandy
looks like Abraham Lincoln.
And I believe the evil Fungo
bears a striking resemblance
to Herbert Hoover.
This is just
a cheap imitation.
Cheap?
I paid 75 bucks to a guy in
an alley for this stuff.
$75? Ha!
They saw you coming.
[laughing]
Stop it!
It's not funny!
It's okay, honey.
It's okay.
No. You tried harder
than anyone to help me.
Your shirt got all ripped
and you got all dirty.
I think you're the best dad
in the whole world.
Aw, thank you.
That's real sweet, but you're
still out of the club!
Who cares about
your stupid club?
I'll start my own club and none
of you guys can be in it.
Oh, wait a minute.
That's not right.
The whole reason to be in a club
in the first place is to hang
out with your friends have fun.
But if you're gonna fight all
the time, what fun is that?
What fun is having a secret
if somebody blabs it?
Our young mutant friend here
makes a good point.
Okay, perhaps it was a mistake
for Michelle to tell me
about your secret club.
Big mistake.
And it was a mistake
for me to blab it to you guys.
Bigger mistake.
And it was a mistake for me
to try and bribe her way
back into the club.
We're all in agreement
that mistakes were made here
but that doesn't mean
you guys can't be friends.
You still like each other,
don't you?
I still like Michelle.
Me too.
Yeah. I like her, too.
I like you guys, too.
I think Michelle
should be reinstated.
Why don't we just
let her back in?
Right.
[instrumental music]
Ready?
- Mighty..
- Mutant..
- Super..
- Kids!
And their dads.
Dad, don't push it.
Right.
Well, you guys have fun.
I'm going to start
my own club.
The mighty mutant
I'm-all-alone-dad club.
(together)
Yeah!
Let's mutate!
♪ Ah ah ah ah ♪
♪ Chip-a-dee-ba-ba-dow ♪♪