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[instrumental music]
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Alright, Aunt Becky,
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prepared to be amazed.
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Alex, if you will..
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[Alex giggles]
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And we say
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the magic words..
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...presto, stretcho.
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[squeaks]
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Ta-da!
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[stomping]
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Our next show
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will be in 30 minutes.
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Steph, you stretched
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my little boy.
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Now, how's he gonna fit
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in his little bed?
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Don't worry, mommy.
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We're still small!
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♪ Aah aah ♪
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♪ Everywhere you look ♪
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♪ Everywhere you look ♪
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♪ There's a heart ♪
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♪ There's a heart ♪
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♪ A hand to hold on to ♪
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♪ Everywhere you look ♪
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♪ Everywhere you look ♪
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♪ There's a face ♪
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♪ Of somebody who needs you ♪
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♪ Everywhere you look ♪
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♪ When you're
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lost out there ♪
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♪ And you're all alone ♪
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♪ A light is waitin' ♪
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♪ To carry you home ♪
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♪ Everywhere you look ♪
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♪ Everywhere you look ♪
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♪ Dooby doo baa ba dow ♪♪
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[instrumental music]
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Joey, someone's here
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for your PTA meeting.
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Oh, yeah?
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Who is it?
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Well, it's your co-president
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and not-so-secret admirer,
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Mrs. Carruthers.
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Oh, I hope she didn't
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bring her hands.
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Oh, there you are, Joey!
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Now, don't you
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keep me waiting.
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My meter's running.
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[giggling]
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It's just because you're
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so gosh darn irresistible.
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Oh, yeah,
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it's a curse.
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Hey, everybody.
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My search
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for a new lead guitarist
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is about to end.
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Check out this ad
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I put in the paper.
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"Wanted for band.
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One down dude
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with an ax."
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Down dude with an ax.
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Jess, you better be careful.
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You could wind up
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with a depressed lumberjack.
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[laughs]
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I'll just arrange
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my shrimp balls over here.
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Honey, this new band
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has gotta be
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ten times hotter
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than The Rippers.
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You know, I gotta find
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a guy that lives for the music.
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You know, a guy with real
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rock 'n' roll in his blood.
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Jess, you know,
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I-I-I play guitar.
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Well, I-I'll keep that in mind
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for the next family hootenanny.
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No, Danny. I-I need someone
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with band experience.
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Oh, hey, I have band experience.
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In high school, I was
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with a group called
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Four Guys Named Danny.
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Oh, the name was a coincidence,
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but we just thought
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we'd run with it.
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Jess, I am one down dude
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with an axe. I am!
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More like a lanky loner
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with a ladle.
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I'm serious, at least
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you can do is let me audition.
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No, the least I can do
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is ignore you completely.
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Hey, can somebody get in here
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with some snacks, please?
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And, maybe, a tranquilizer gun,
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please?
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Uh, Mrs. Carruthers, the rest
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of the executive committee
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is gonna be here
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any minute.
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Oh, you Silly Billy!
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This is
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the executive committee.
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You, me, and a couple of
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throw pillows.
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Oh! Oh, Danny, Danny!
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I-I saved you a seat
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right over here
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in the middle.
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There you go, right.
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So, uh, Mrs. Carruthers
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why exactly did you
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call this meeting?
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Well, A..
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...because of that
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pesky flu epidemic
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there is a serious shortage
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of substitute teachers.
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And, B...because I just
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got a new outfit.
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I wanted you
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to see it. Ta-da!
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I think,
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I can help you out.
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It zips in the back!
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No, I was talking about
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the teacher shortage.
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When I graduated
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from college
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I got a teaching certificate.
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- Is that thing still good?
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- Oh, I always renew it.
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I figured, you know,
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if my radio career goes south
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I've got something solid
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to fall back on.
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Mm-hmm, if you ask me
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you've already got something
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solid to fall back on.
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(Danny)
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'Hey, honey.'
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[door shuts]
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Was Ms. Ullman
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back in school today?
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No, and we didn't have
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a substitute, either.
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What did you do all day? Don't
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tell me another film strip?
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Yep, a real winner.
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The making of maple syrup
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from forest to flapjack.
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Joey, do you know what wonderful
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idea just occurred to me?
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Uh, Mrs. Carruthers, remember,
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there is a little one present.
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Oh!
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Well, in that case,
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I've got another idea.
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You could substitute teach
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Michelle's class.
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Joey, it would be so cool
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if you were our teacher!
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Okay, sure. It sounds like you
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guys are in a tough spot.
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I'll-I'll give it a shot!
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This will be so much fun.
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The only time we ever laughed
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at Mrs. Ullman
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is when she tucks her dress
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in her pantyhose.
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[laughing]
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This should be very interesting,
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my daughter being taught
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by a man who has
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every "Scooby Doo" on tape.
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Hey, I'm serious.
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Teaching is
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a huge responsibility.
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You know, suddenly,
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I feel useful.
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Noble, a productive member
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of society.
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It's like the guy who looked
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at a lollipop and said
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"I could put a hunk
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of Tootsie Roll
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inside this thing."
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There's nothing
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more inspiring
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than watching that man
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walk out of a room.
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[crickets creaking]
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Hi, everybody.
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Am I wrong or do you think,
205
00:05:33,292 --> 00:05:34,793
maybe, it's time
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to spruce up the message
207
00:05:34,835 --> 00:05:37,004
on the old answering machine?
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You know, what,
209
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I'm thinking reggae.
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[music from guitar]
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♪ Telephone be ringin' mon ♪
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♪ That's what I be
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singin' mon ♪
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♪ Message at the beep
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mon yeah ♪♪
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Dad, if that's gonna be
217
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on our answering machine
218
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I'd be movin', mon.
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00:05:52,311 --> 00:05:53,895
Danny, if I don't let
220
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you audition
221
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how long is this nonsense
222
00:05:53,937 --> 00:05:55,897
gonna go on?
223
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Pretty much night and day.
224
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Flamenco!
225
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[music from guitar]
226
00:06:00,819 --> 00:06:04,614
No, Uncle Jesse, please
227
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give him the audition!
228
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Stop the insanity!
229
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Stop, stop, stop!
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Whoa!
231
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Alright, audition.
232
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5 o'clock tomorrow. Be there.
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I'd practice all night, mon.
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Thank you.
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[music from guitar]
236
00:06:28,305 --> 00:06:30,598
[school bell ringing]
237
00:06:30,640 --> 00:06:33,392
Really? Joey's teaching
238
00:06:30,640 --> 00:06:33,392
our class today?
239
00:06:33,434 --> 00:06:37,814
Yeah, get ready
240
00:06:33,434 --> 00:06:37,814
for funny voices, great jokes.
241
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Oh, one warning.
242
00:06:39,691 --> 00:06:42,819
- Don't pull his finger!
243
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- Okay.
244
00:06:42,861 --> 00:06:44,571
My sides are aching
245
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just thinking
246
00:06:44,612 --> 00:06:47,324
about the hilarity to come.
247
00:06:47,366 --> 00:06:49,826
Oh, and remember, when
248
00:06:47,366 --> 00:06:49,826
Joey's goofing around
249
00:06:49,868 --> 00:06:51,161
don't drink anything.
250
00:06:51,203 --> 00:06:52,411
How come?
251
00:06:52,453 --> 00:06:53,663
You'll be
252
00:06:52,453 --> 00:06:53,663
laughing so hard
253
00:06:53,705 --> 00:06:56,291
it'll come out
254
00:06:53,705 --> 00:06:56,291
of your nose!
255
00:06:56,333 --> 00:06:59,211
That sounds gross!
256
00:06:59,253 --> 00:07:01,046
I love it!
257
00:07:02,297 --> 00:07:03,464
[clearing throat]
258
00:07:03,506 --> 00:07:04,841
[all gasping]
259
00:07:06,718 --> 00:07:10,222
Class, your teacher today
260
00:07:06,718 --> 00:07:10,222
is Mr. Gladstone.
261
00:07:10,264 --> 00:07:12,349
Let's all say,
262
00:07:10,264 --> 00:07:12,349
good morning.
263
00:07:12,391 --> 00:07:15,685
(all)
264
00:07:12,391 --> 00:07:15,685
Good morning, Mr. Gladstone.
265
00:07:15,727 --> 00:07:17,312
Well, good morning,
266
00:07:15,727 --> 00:07:17,312
everybody.
267
00:07:17,354 --> 00:07:19,940
I want everyone to be on
268
00:07:17,354 --> 00:07:19,940
their best behavior today.
269
00:07:19,981 --> 00:07:22,234
Oh, I will be.
270
00:07:19,981 --> 00:07:22,234
I mean, they will be.
271
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[laughing]
272
00:07:24,152 --> 00:07:26,738
Kids, that was not
273
00:07:24,152 --> 00:07:26,738
supposed to be funny.
274
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Well, I guess, I'll just
275
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head back to my office
276
00:07:28,407 --> 00:07:29,657
and take
277
00:07:28,407 --> 00:07:29,657
another quick look
278
00:07:29,699 --> 00:07:31,410
at your teaching
279
00:07:29,699 --> 00:07:31,410
certificate.
280
00:07:34,246 --> 00:07:36,415
Okay, kids, now,
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let's get down
282
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to the business of learning,
283
00:07:36,456 --> 00:07:38,166
shall we?
284
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[laughing]
285
00:07:39,793 --> 00:07:42,796
That's funny. Joey's pretending
286
00:07:39,793 --> 00:07:42,796
to be serious.
287
00:07:42,837 --> 00:07:44,672
[laughing]
288
00:07:44,714 --> 00:07:46,383
Hey, come on,
289
00:07:44,714 --> 00:07:46,383
I am being serious.
290
00:07:46,425 --> 00:07:47,884
We've got a lot of ground
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00:07:46,425 --> 00:07:47,884
to cover today.
292
00:07:47,926 --> 00:07:50,387
So let's start by opening
293
00:07:47,926 --> 00:07:50,387
our science books
294
00:07:50,429 --> 00:07:51,805
to chapter four.
295
00:07:51,846 --> 00:07:53,223
[imitating Bullwinkle]
296
00:07:51,846 --> 00:07:53,223
Hey, rock, watch me pull
297
00:07:53,265 --> 00:07:55,016
chapter four
298
00:07:53,265 --> 00:07:55,016
out of my hat.
299
00:07:55,058 --> 00:07:57,811
[laughing]
300
00:07:57,852 --> 00:07:59,980
Come on, let's all
301
00:07:57,852 --> 00:07:59,980
calm down now, okay?
302
00:08:00,021 --> 00:08:02,316
Hey, Joey, do Porky Pig.
303
00:08:02,357 --> 00:08:05,568
Uh...Michelle..
304
00:08:05,610 --> 00:08:06,778
...uh, first off
305
00:08:06,820 --> 00:08:09,156
at school,
306
00:08:06,820 --> 00:08:09,156
it's Mr. Gladstone.
307
00:08:09,197 --> 00:08:11,366
And I'm not doing
308
00:08:09,197 --> 00:08:11,366
Porky Pig.
309
00:08:11,408 --> 00:08:13,160
Porky! Porky!
310
00:08:13,201 --> 00:08:14,828
(all)
311
00:08:13,201 --> 00:08:14,828
Porky, Porky!
312
00:08:14,869 --> 00:08:15,787
That's enough.
313
00:08:15,829 --> 00:08:18,290
(all)
314
00:08:15,829 --> 00:08:18,290
Porky, Porky!
315
00:08:18,332 --> 00:08:19,707
Alright.
316
00:08:18,332 --> 00:08:19,707
Let's all settle down.
317
00:08:19,749 --> 00:08:20,917
'Time out, okay?'
318
00:08:20,959 --> 00:08:23,003
(all)
319
00:08:20,959 --> 00:08:23,003
Porky!
320
00:08:23,044 --> 00:08:24,796
Alright!
321
00:08:24,838 --> 00:08:26,631
Alright, that's it!
322
00:08:26,673 --> 00:08:28,258
Now, the next person
323
00:08:26,673 --> 00:08:28,258
who makes even one little peep
324
00:08:28,300 --> 00:08:30,718
is going straight
325
00:08:28,300 --> 00:08:30,718
to the principal's office.
326
00:08:30,760 --> 00:08:32,595
Come on, Joey.
327
00:08:30,760 --> 00:08:32,595
Lighten up.
328
00:08:32,637 --> 00:08:34,306
[all gasp]
329
00:08:36,766 --> 00:08:37,976
Michelle?
330
00:08:38,018 --> 00:08:41,104
- What? I didn't peep.
331
00:08:38,018 --> 00:08:41,104
- Don't worry.
332
00:08:41,146 --> 00:08:43,815
I'm sure it was just
333
00:08:41,146 --> 00:08:43,815
an empty threat.
334
00:08:47,527 --> 00:08:49,404
Now, Michelle,
335
00:08:47,527 --> 00:08:49,404
you heard me.
336
00:08:49,446 --> 00:08:50,822
And I'm afraid, I'm gonna
337
00:08:49,446 --> 00:08:50,822
have to send you
338
00:08:50,864 --> 00:08:53,158
straight down
339
00:08:50,864 --> 00:08:53,158
to Mrs. Homewood's office.
340
00:08:53,200 --> 00:08:55,785
- Me?
341
00:08:53,200 --> 00:08:55,785
- Yes, you. Now!
342
00:08:58,746 --> 00:09:01,124
Thanks a lot,
343
00:08:58,746 --> 00:09:01,124
Mr. Gladstone.
344
00:09:01,166 --> 00:09:03,377
I thought
345
00:09:01,166 --> 00:09:03,377
you were my friend.
346
00:09:04,585 --> 00:09:06,963
[instrumental music]
347
00:09:09,674 --> 00:09:11,009
[door closes]
348
00:09:17,307 --> 00:09:19,809
[music from guitar]
349
00:09:24,272 --> 00:09:26,149
[dog whining]
350
00:09:28,235 --> 00:09:31,863
Comet...that's very rude.
351
00:09:28,235 --> 00:09:31,863
I wasn't finished yet.
352
00:09:31,905 --> 00:09:33,823
[dog whining]
353
00:09:33,865 --> 00:09:36,034
[music continues]
354
00:09:37,494 --> 00:09:39,538
Joey, why the sad face?
355
00:09:37,494 --> 00:09:39,538
What happened?
356
00:09:39,579 --> 00:09:41,748
One of the big kids
357
00:09:39,579 --> 00:09:41,748
take your milk money?
358
00:09:41,789 --> 00:09:44,125
Well, yeah.
359
00:09:44,167 --> 00:09:45,626
But I'm over that.
360
00:09:47,295 --> 00:09:49,214
I gotta be the world's
361
00:09:47,295 --> 00:09:49,214
worst substitute teacher.
362
00:09:49,256 --> 00:09:50,340
[door slams]
363
00:09:50,382 --> 00:09:52,467
I'm sure
364
00:09:50,382 --> 00:09:52,467
you're not the worst.
365
00:09:52,509 --> 00:09:54,844
Do I get a vote?
366
00:09:54,886 --> 00:09:56,263
Michelle, that's not
367
00:09:54,886 --> 00:09:56,263
very nice.
368
00:09:56,304 --> 00:09:59,474
He sent me
369
00:09:56,304 --> 00:09:59,474
to the principal's office!
370
00:09:59,516 --> 00:10:01,642
Joey, that's not
371
00:09:59,516 --> 00:10:01,642
very nice.
372
00:10:01,684 --> 00:10:03,353
Danny, the whole class
373
00:10:01,684 --> 00:10:03,353
was out of control
374
00:10:03,395 --> 00:10:04,938
and I said,
375
00:10:03,395 --> 00:10:04,938
"the next person who talks
376
00:10:04,979 --> 00:10:06,814
goes straight
377
00:10:04,979 --> 00:10:06,814
to the principal's office."
378
00:10:06,856 --> 00:10:09,943
And the next person
379
00:10:06,856 --> 00:10:09,943
happened to be Michelle.
380
00:10:09,984 --> 00:10:11,152
Is that true?
381
00:10:11,194 --> 00:10:12,695
Well, part of it.
382
00:10:12,737 --> 00:10:14,030
Which part?
383
00:10:14,072 --> 00:10:16,657
The part Joey said.
384
00:10:16,699 --> 00:10:17,867
Well, if that's the case
385
00:10:17,909 --> 00:10:19,453
I think, maybe Joey
386
00:10:17,909 --> 00:10:19,453
did the right thing.
387
00:10:19,494 --> 00:10:20,661
You gotta go upstairs
388
00:10:19,494 --> 00:10:20,661
in your room
389
00:10:20,703 --> 00:10:22,414
and think about it
390
00:10:20,703 --> 00:10:22,414
for a while.
391
00:10:22,456 --> 00:10:24,665
Boy, you give a guy
392
00:10:22,456 --> 00:10:24,665
a tie and a book
393
00:10:24,707 --> 00:10:26,501
with the answers in the back
394
00:10:26,543 --> 00:10:29,087
and he forgets
395
00:10:26,543 --> 00:10:29,087
who his friends are.
396
00:10:36,761 --> 00:10:41,057
Wow! How do you divide ten
397
00:10:36,761 --> 00:10:41,057
hot-looking guys by three girls?
398
00:10:41,099 --> 00:10:44,519
Simple, five for D.J.,
399
00:10:41,099 --> 00:10:44,519
five for me
400
00:10:44,561 --> 00:10:47,522
and zippola
401
00:10:44,561 --> 00:10:47,522
for little Miss Get Real.
402
00:10:49,483 --> 00:10:50,858
This is amazing!
403
00:10:50,900 --> 00:10:53,194
Uncle Jesse puts an ad
404
00:10:50,900 --> 00:10:53,194
in the paper for one day
405
00:10:53,236 --> 00:10:55,530
and this place
406
00:10:53,236 --> 00:10:55,530
is packed!
407
00:10:55,572 --> 00:10:58,241
So how come, I run
408
00:10:55,572 --> 00:10:58,241
a personal ad for a month
409
00:10:58,283 --> 00:11:00,660
and don't get
410
00:10:58,283 --> 00:11:00,660
a single response?
411
00:11:00,701 --> 00:11:02,912
Next time,
412
00:11:00,701 --> 00:11:02,912
leave your picture out.
413
00:11:05,248 --> 00:11:06,500
Alright.
414
00:11:05,248 --> 00:11:06,500
There you go.
415
00:11:06,541 --> 00:11:09,336
Okay, guys,
416
00:11:06,541 --> 00:11:09,336
who wants ice cream?
417
00:11:11,879 --> 00:11:13,340
Let me rephrase that.
418
00:11:13,381 --> 00:11:16,092
Who wants ice cream,
419
00:11:13,381 --> 00:11:16,092
but can't read yet?
420
00:11:19,887 --> 00:11:21,097
Alright.
421
00:11:19,887 --> 00:11:21,097
How about this?
422
00:11:21,139 --> 00:11:24,058
Wants ice cream,
423
00:11:21,139 --> 00:11:24,058
can't read, no tattoos?
424
00:11:26,269 --> 00:11:27,604
We have two winners!
425
00:11:27,646 --> 00:11:29,564
- Yay!
426
00:11:27,646 --> 00:11:29,564
- Yay!
427
00:11:29,606 --> 00:11:31,065
Alright! Let's get
428
00:11:29,606 --> 00:11:31,065
some ice cream.
429
00:11:31,107 --> 00:11:33,193
What kind do you want,
430
00:11:31,107 --> 00:11:33,193
chocolate or vanilla?
431
00:11:33,234 --> 00:11:34,735
Valabalala.
432
00:11:34,777 --> 00:11:36,821
Vadela? Okay.
433
00:11:36,863 --> 00:11:39,282
Hey, D.J., is it time
434
00:11:36,863 --> 00:11:39,282
for my audition yet?
435
00:11:39,324 --> 00:11:41,075
Dad, I told you before,
436
00:11:39,324 --> 00:11:41,075
Uncle Jesse said
437
00:11:41,117 --> 00:11:42,452
"5 o'clock, no earlier."
438
00:11:42,494 --> 00:11:43,662
I know, I know,
439
00:11:42,494 --> 00:11:43,662
I just thought, maybe
440
00:11:43,702 --> 00:11:46,122
there'd be
441
00:11:43,702 --> 00:11:46,122
some cancellations..
442
00:11:46,164 --> 00:11:47,457
...or arrests.
443
00:11:48,500 --> 00:11:50,751
[sighs]
444
00:11:48,500 --> 00:11:50,751
Alright, thanks, pal.
445
00:11:50,793 --> 00:11:51,836
Alright, who's next?
446
00:11:51,878 --> 00:11:53,421
Um, first up is Crash
447
00:11:53,463 --> 00:11:56,466
then Scuzz, then Scab.
448
00:11:57,175 --> 00:11:58,926
Scuzz, Scab.
449
00:11:58,968 --> 00:12:00,637
Maybe-maybe I need
450
00:11:58,968 --> 00:12:00,637
a tough rock 'n' roll name
451
00:12:00,679 --> 00:12:02,055
like that, huh?
452
00:12:02,096 --> 00:12:05,475
Oh, hey, I got a great one.
453
00:12:02,096 --> 00:12:05,475
How about, Soap Scum?
454
00:12:05,517 --> 00:12:08,353
No, I don't think
455
00:12:05,517 --> 00:12:08,353
that's too tough.
456
00:12:08,395 --> 00:12:09,937
How about, Mildew?
457
00:12:11,189 --> 00:12:13,149
Ooh, that's vicious!
458
00:12:16,653 --> 00:12:19,197
[music from guitar]
459
00:12:19,239 --> 00:12:21,074
Alright, thank you, Splinter.
460
00:12:19,239 --> 00:12:21,074
That's enough!
461
00:12:21,115 --> 00:12:23,076
[music from guitar]
462
00:12:23,117 --> 00:12:25,537
Thank you, Splinter. I got it,
463
00:12:23,117 --> 00:12:25,537
Splinter, thanks.
464
00:12:25,579 --> 00:12:27,830
Right, thank you,
465
00:12:25,579 --> 00:12:27,830
Splinter.
466
00:12:27,872 --> 00:12:29,541
[music from guitar]
467
00:12:29,583 --> 00:12:32,001
And we thank you.
468
00:12:32,043 --> 00:12:33,712
Splinter,
469
00:12:32,043 --> 00:12:33,712
have a nice day.
470
00:12:33,752 --> 00:12:35,088
What?
471
00:12:37,716 --> 00:12:39,676
Thank you. Right up,
472
00:12:37,716 --> 00:12:39,676
right up the stairs.
473
00:12:39,718 --> 00:12:42,761
Okay.
474
00:12:39,718 --> 00:12:42,761
Don't call us.
475
00:12:42,803 --> 00:12:45,682
How come, there's never a power
476
00:12:42,803 --> 00:12:45,682
failure when you need one?
477
00:12:45,724 --> 00:12:46,974
Honey, they've all been bad
478
00:12:47,016 --> 00:12:50,604
but nobody could be worse
479
00:12:47,016 --> 00:12:50,604
than Splinter.
480
00:12:50,645 --> 00:12:52,939
Here's Mildew!
481
00:12:55,066 --> 00:12:56,359
You were saying?
482
00:12:56,401 --> 00:12:57,736
Alright, Danny, uh
483
00:12:57,776 --> 00:12:59,362
plug it into the amp,
484
00:12:57,776 --> 00:12:59,362
turn it down a little bit.
485
00:12:59,404 --> 00:13:02,741
And you got 15 seconds,
486
00:12:59,404 --> 00:13:02,741
starting...now.
487
00:13:02,781 --> 00:13:05,076
Okay, I've been-I've been
488
00:13:02,781 --> 00:13:05,076
practicing really hard.
489
00:13:05,118 --> 00:13:06,578
Here-here goes nothing.
490
00:13:07,412 --> 00:13:09,997
[music from guitar]
491
00:13:26,264 --> 00:13:28,558
Danny, that was killer!
492
00:13:28,600 --> 00:13:30,393
All these years
493
00:13:28,600 --> 00:13:30,393
working with you
494
00:13:30,435 --> 00:13:32,604
Who knew you actually
495
00:13:30,435 --> 00:13:32,604
had talent!
496
00:13:33,980 --> 00:13:36,441
I mean, on the guitar?
497
00:13:36,483 --> 00:13:37,734
So you're saying,
498
00:13:36,483 --> 00:13:37,734
I'm a lot hotter
499
00:13:37,776 --> 00:13:40,069
and hipper than you
500
00:13:37,776 --> 00:13:40,069
thought I was?
501
00:13:40,111 --> 00:13:41,738
A little.
502
00:13:41,780 --> 00:13:44,574
And, uh, how about you,
503
00:13:41,780 --> 00:13:44,574
how about you, brotha man?
504
00:13:44,616 --> 00:13:46,033
What do you think?
505
00:13:46,075 --> 00:13:49,120
Well, uh, brotha man,
506
00:13:46,075 --> 00:13:49,120
you were, uh...very good.
507
00:13:49,162 --> 00:13:51,665
It's-it's, it was-it was good.
508
00:13:51,706 --> 00:13:53,583
Listen, let me, uh,
509
00:13:51,706 --> 00:13:53,583
let me, just go over
510
00:13:53,625 --> 00:13:55,543
a few of the notes here
511
00:13:53,625 --> 00:13:55,543
and some of the other players
512
00:13:55,585 --> 00:13:56,544
and-and we'll get back to you.
513
00:13:56,586 --> 00:13:59,005
You just, you take your time.
514
00:13:59,046 --> 00:14:00,881
Mildew's gonna chill.
515
00:14:02,216 --> 00:14:03,384
Jess, you gotta admit it.
516
00:14:03,426 --> 00:14:04,761
Danny's the best one
517
00:14:03,426 --> 00:14:04,761
you've seen today.
518
00:14:04,803 --> 00:14:06,220
I know, I hate to admit it.
519
00:14:06,262 --> 00:14:08,348
You're right, he is the best one
520
00:14:06,262 --> 00:14:08,348
we've seen today.
521
00:14:08,389 --> 00:14:10,057
But the thought
522
00:14:08,389 --> 00:14:10,057
of Danny Tanner in my band.
523
00:14:10,099 --> 00:14:11,518
It just doesn't jive.
524
00:14:11,559 --> 00:14:13,478
You know, he just, he doesn't
525
00:14:11,559 --> 00:14:13,478
have the right image.
526
00:14:13,520 --> 00:14:15,689
You know, he's-he's,
527
00:14:13,520 --> 00:14:15,689
he's just not rock 'n' roll.
528
00:14:15,730 --> 00:14:17,190
He's more..
529
00:14:19,150 --> 00:14:20,860
...spic 'n' span.
530
00:14:22,028 --> 00:14:23,446
I know, but if you're
531
00:14:22,028 --> 00:14:23,446
gonna be fair
532
00:14:23,488 --> 00:14:25,323
you have to give
533
00:14:23,488 --> 00:14:25,323
the job to Danny.
534
00:14:25,365 --> 00:14:28,201
I don't wanna be fair.
535
00:14:25,365 --> 00:14:28,201
I wanna be cool.
536
00:14:28,242 --> 00:14:29,661
Wait, there's one more.
537
00:14:29,703 --> 00:14:30,995
Thanks, D.J..
538
00:14:31,830 --> 00:14:33,748
You remembered my name!
539
00:14:33,790 --> 00:14:36,751
Yeah, it's a great name.
540
00:14:36,793 --> 00:14:38,085
You think so?
541
00:14:38,127 --> 00:14:39,420
It's only
542
00:14:38,127 --> 00:14:39,420
two letters.
543
00:14:39,462 --> 00:14:41,881
[laughs]
544
00:14:39,462 --> 00:14:41,881
Yeah, but if I tattoo
545
00:14:39,462 --> 00:14:41,881
it on my arm
546
00:14:41,922 --> 00:14:45,259
it probably won't
547
00:14:41,922 --> 00:14:45,259
hurt that much.
548
00:14:45,301 --> 00:14:48,262
Well, you've already passed
549
00:14:45,301 --> 00:14:48,262
the pre-interview.
550
00:14:48,304 --> 00:14:50,724
Oh, sorry!
551
00:14:48,304 --> 00:14:50,724
Guys, this is Viper.
552
00:14:50,765 --> 00:14:53,226
- Hey.
553
00:14:50,765 --> 00:14:53,226
- Hey, I'm her father Mildew.
554
00:14:53,267 --> 00:14:54,227
You could tattoo
555
00:14:53,267 --> 00:14:54,227
that on your--
556
00:14:54,268 --> 00:14:57,522
Hey, hey!
557
00:14:54,268 --> 00:14:57,522
Ho ho ho!
558
00:14:57,564 --> 00:14:58,565
Listen, uh, Mildew..
559
00:14:58,606 --> 00:15:00,441
...just wait over there.
560
00:15:00,483 --> 00:15:01,942
Viper, you can,
561
00:15:00,483 --> 00:15:01,942
uh, you can
562
00:15:01,984 --> 00:15:05,279
plug into the, uh,
563
00:15:01,984 --> 00:15:05,279
freshly scrubbed amp here.
564
00:15:05,321 --> 00:15:07,824
And, uh, let's see
565
00:15:05,321 --> 00:15:07,824
what you got.
566
00:15:10,117 --> 00:15:12,704
[music from guitar]
567
00:15:24,465 --> 00:15:27,552
[music continues]
568
00:15:47,363 --> 00:15:50,450
[music continues]
569
00:16:00,627 --> 00:16:03,212
[applauding]
570
00:16:06,340 --> 00:16:07,467
Alright, man.
571
00:16:07,508 --> 00:16:10,010
You got some pretty
572
00:16:07,508 --> 00:16:10,010
juicy chops there.
573
00:16:10,052 --> 00:16:12,972
Funny, I said that
574
00:16:10,052 --> 00:16:12,972
to the butcher this morning.
575
00:16:13,013 --> 00:16:15,558
The point is, that was...
576
00:16:13,013 --> 00:16:15,558
pretty incredible.
577
00:16:15,600 --> 00:16:16,643
Thanks.
578
00:16:16,684 --> 00:16:18,853
Congratulations, Viper!
579
00:16:18,895 --> 00:16:21,522
- You got the gig.
580
00:16:18,895 --> 00:16:21,522
- Oh, thank you.
581
00:16:21,564 --> 00:16:22,774
Yeah, congratulations!
582
00:16:22,816 --> 00:16:24,275
Ho ho ho!
583
00:16:22,816 --> 00:16:24,275
Mildew, Mildew.
584
00:16:24,317 --> 00:16:26,444
Mildew, Mildew.
585
00:16:26,486 --> 00:16:28,404
Listen, uh..
586
00:16:28,446 --> 00:16:30,490
...you got some pretty
587
00:16:28,446 --> 00:16:30,490
juicy chops yourself.
588
00:16:30,531 --> 00:16:33,284
Yeah, I know. They're marinating
589
00:16:30,531 --> 00:16:33,284
in the refrigerator.
590
00:16:33,326 --> 00:16:36,203
I'm serious. I'm serious.
591
00:16:33,326 --> 00:16:36,203
You were very impressive.
592
00:16:36,245 --> 00:16:39,123
You know, if Viper hadn't
593
00:16:36,245 --> 00:16:39,123
come down here blown us all away
594
00:16:39,165 --> 00:16:41,167
I can safely
595
00:16:39,165 --> 00:16:41,167
say this now, I..
596
00:16:41,208 --> 00:16:43,419
...I would've offered
597
00:16:41,208 --> 00:16:43,419
you the gig.
598
00:16:43,461 --> 00:16:45,004
- Really?
599
00:16:43,461 --> 00:16:45,004
- Mm-hmm.
600
00:16:45,045 --> 00:16:46,130
Wow!
601
00:16:46,172 --> 00:16:47,966
And, Jess, just thinking
602
00:16:46,172 --> 00:16:47,966
that you..
603
00:16:48,007 --> 00:16:49,175
...think I was good enough
604
00:16:48,007 --> 00:16:49,175
for your band
605
00:16:49,216 --> 00:16:50,343
that really means
606
00:16:49,216 --> 00:16:50,343
a lot to me.
607
00:16:50,384 --> 00:16:52,136
Yeah, ain't no thing.
608
00:16:52,178 --> 00:16:55,264
I hear you,
609
00:16:52,178 --> 00:16:55,264
brotha man!
610
00:16:55,306 --> 00:16:56,808
You know, it would've been
611
00:16:55,306 --> 00:16:56,808
a lot of fun for you and me
612
00:16:56,850 --> 00:16:58,225
just gigging
613
00:16:56,850 --> 00:16:58,225
on the road together.
614
00:16:58,267 --> 00:16:59,352
Oh, yeah!
615
00:16:59,393 --> 00:17:01,479
Sitting on that bus
616
00:16:59,393 --> 00:17:01,479
all the time
617
00:17:01,521 --> 00:17:02,814
just looking out
618
00:17:01,521 --> 00:17:02,814
the window together
619
00:17:02,856 --> 00:17:04,023
watching the old highway
620
00:17:02,856 --> 00:17:04,023
go by.
621
00:17:04,064 --> 00:17:05,566
Yeah.
622
00:17:05,608 --> 00:17:07,443
Uh, playing
623
00:17:05,608 --> 00:17:07,443
license plate bingo.
624
00:17:07,485 --> 00:17:09,278
- Oh!
625
00:17:07,485 --> 00:17:09,278
- Sharing a nut log.
626
00:17:09,320 --> 00:17:11,238
Hm.
627
00:17:11,280 --> 00:17:12,782
Yeah, it's gonna
628
00:17:11,280 --> 00:17:12,782
be tough
629
00:17:12,824 --> 00:17:15,576
but I'm gonna
630
00:17:12,824 --> 00:17:15,576
have to get over it.
631
00:17:15,618 --> 00:17:17,119
Thanks. Mildew,
632
00:17:15,618 --> 00:17:17,119
ladies and gentlemen!
633
00:17:17,161 --> 00:17:18,412
Mildew!
634
00:17:18,454 --> 00:17:19,747
Mildew!
635
00:17:21,123 --> 00:17:23,083
Thank you
636
00:17:21,123 --> 00:17:23,083
for being born.
637
00:17:31,300 --> 00:17:33,260
[giggling]
638
00:17:33,302 --> 00:17:36,347
Uh-oh. Look who's back.
639
00:17:33,302 --> 00:17:36,347
Mr. Madstone.
640
00:17:36,389 --> 00:17:37,557
Don't provoke him.
641
00:17:37,598 --> 00:17:40,768
Let's just straighten up
642
00:17:37,598 --> 00:17:40,768
and fly right.
643
00:17:40,810 --> 00:17:44,981
Even better, let's give him
644
00:17:40,810 --> 00:17:44,981
the silent treatment.
645
00:17:45,023 --> 00:17:46,941
Alright, everyone,
646
00:17:45,023 --> 00:17:46,941
well, uh
647
00:17:46,983 --> 00:17:49,402
let's get started,
648
00:17:46,983 --> 00:17:49,402
shall we?
649
00:17:49,443 --> 00:17:51,863
And, uh, by the way,
650
00:17:49,443 --> 00:17:51,863
it's really nice to see
651
00:17:51,905 --> 00:17:55,533
all of your bright, shiny,
652
00:17:51,905 --> 00:17:55,533
smiling faces again today.
653
00:17:58,118 --> 00:17:59,871
Okay.
654
00:17:59,913 --> 00:18:01,539
How about a little, uh,
655
00:17:59,913 --> 00:18:01,539
geography?
656
00:18:01,581 --> 00:18:02,999
Why don't we, uh, why don't we
657
00:18:03,041 --> 00:18:04,876
go over some
658
00:18:03,041 --> 00:18:04,876
state capitals?
659
00:18:04,918 --> 00:18:07,127
Um, let's start
660
00:18:04,918 --> 00:18:07,127
with California.
661
00:18:07,169 --> 00:18:09,672
The state capital
662
00:18:07,169 --> 00:18:09,672
of California is?
663
00:18:09,714 --> 00:18:11,049
'Anyone?'
664
00:18:13,009 --> 00:18:14,844
Okay, I'll, uh, I'll give
665
00:18:13,009 --> 00:18:14,844
you a little hint.
666
00:18:14,886 --> 00:18:18,305
It starts with sac
667
00:18:14,886 --> 00:18:18,305
and ends with remento.
668
00:18:20,391 --> 00:18:23,519
Of course, it's right here,
669
00:18:20,391 --> 00:18:23,519
near the Sacramento airport.
670
00:18:25,145 --> 00:18:27,147
[imitating Popeye]
671
00:18:25,145 --> 00:18:27,147
Gosh, that map's on a roll.
672
00:18:27,189 --> 00:18:30,693
[laughing]
673
00:18:30,735 --> 00:18:32,403
Oh, hey, well,
674
00:18:30,735 --> 00:18:32,403
now that's a lot better
675
00:18:32,445 --> 00:18:33,780
than the silent treatment.
676
00:18:33,821 --> 00:18:36,198
[laughing]
677
00:18:36,240 --> 00:18:38,034
If you thought
678
00:18:36,240 --> 00:18:38,034
that was funny
679
00:18:38,076 --> 00:18:39,953
then you're gonna love
680
00:18:38,076 --> 00:18:39,953
this next impression
681
00:18:39,994 --> 00:18:42,204
I've been working on.
682
00:18:39,994 --> 00:18:42,204
It's brand-new.
683
00:18:42,246 --> 00:18:43,748
And it's called..
684
00:18:43,790 --> 00:18:47,085
..."the first astronaut
685
00:18:43,790 --> 00:18:47,085
on the face of the sun."
686
00:18:47,126 --> 00:18:48,127
Ouch, ooh! Ouch!
687
00:18:48,168 --> 00:18:49,378
Ooh ow ouch!
688
00:18:49,420 --> 00:18:50,880
Come on, you guys
689
00:18:49,420 --> 00:18:50,880
get up and try it.
690
00:18:50,922 --> 00:18:52,214
(all)
691
00:18:50,922 --> 00:18:52,214
Ooh! Ouch!
692
00:18:52,256 --> 00:18:53,507
(all)
693
00:18:52,256 --> 00:18:53,507
Ow ow! Ooh ow!
694
00:18:53,549 --> 00:18:55,175
It's hot.
695
00:18:53,549 --> 00:18:55,175
It's hot.
696
00:18:55,217 --> 00:18:57,553
Ooh, it's hot.
697
00:18:59,513 --> 00:19:01,682
[clears throat]
698
00:19:04,060 --> 00:19:06,562
Boy, you got
699
00:19:04,060 --> 00:19:06,562
to teach me that.
700
00:19:06,604 --> 00:19:08,689
What's going on here,
701
00:19:06,604 --> 00:19:08,689
Mr. Gladstone?
702
00:19:08,731 --> 00:19:10,733
Well, Mrs. Homewood,
703
00:19:08,731 --> 00:19:10,733
actually, uh
704
00:19:10,775 --> 00:19:15,780
you caught us in a rousing round
705
00:19:10,775 --> 00:19:15,780
of...spelling tag.
706
00:19:15,822 --> 00:19:16,823
Mm-hmm.
707
00:19:16,864 --> 00:19:18,616
Uh, Derek, you're it.
708
00:19:18,658 --> 00:19:19,826
Conjunctivitis. Go.
709
00:19:19,867 --> 00:19:21,953
C-O-N-J-U..
710
00:19:25,039 --> 00:19:26,290
Mr. Gladstone,
711
00:19:25,039 --> 00:19:26,290
may I see you
712
00:19:26,332 --> 00:19:28,542
in the hall...now?
713
00:19:28,584 --> 00:19:31,378
I think, now would be
714
00:19:28,584 --> 00:19:31,378
a-a very good time. Sure.
715
00:19:31,420 --> 00:19:32,839
[clears throat]
716
00:19:37,468 --> 00:19:38,886
[door closes]
717
00:19:42,890 --> 00:19:44,058
What's going on?
718
00:19:44,100 --> 00:19:45,643
Any sign of blood?
719
00:19:45,685 --> 00:19:47,561
She's wagging
720
00:19:45,685 --> 00:19:47,561
her finger at him.
721
00:19:47,603 --> 00:19:49,897
Are her eyebrows
722
00:19:47,603 --> 00:19:49,897
hopping up and down?
723
00:19:49,939 --> 00:19:52,650
Like two angry
724
00:19:49,939 --> 00:19:52,650
caterpillars.
725
00:19:56,863 --> 00:19:59,991
She's really mad.
726
00:19:56,863 --> 00:19:59,991
Poor Joey.
727
00:20:00,033 --> 00:20:02,035
Gosh, an honest-to-goodness
728
00:20:00,033 --> 00:20:02,035
dressing-down
729
00:20:02,076 --> 00:20:04,203
if there ever were one.
730
00:20:04,244 --> 00:20:07,081
And it's all our fault.
731
00:20:07,123 --> 00:20:08,457
He's coming!
732
00:20:16,549 --> 00:20:19,426
Did you get fired
733
00:20:16,549 --> 00:20:19,426
because of us?
734
00:20:19,468 --> 00:20:21,595
Uh, no, actually,
735
00:20:19,468 --> 00:20:21,595
I told Mrs. Homewood
736
00:20:21,637 --> 00:20:23,305
that it's just
737
00:20:21,637 --> 00:20:23,305
not working out.
738
00:20:23,347 --> 00:20:26,350
So you guys are gonna see a film
739
00:20:23,347 --> 00:20:26,350
strip in about 15 minutes.
740
00:20:26,392 --> 00:20:28,061
(all)
741
00:20:26,392 --> 00:20:28,061
No.
742
00:20:28,102 --> 00:20:29,812
Hey, I'm sorry, guys,
743
00:20:28,102 --> 00:20:29,812
but yesterday
744
00:20:29,854 --> 00:20:31,856
when I tried to be tough
745
00:20:29,854 --> 00:20:31,856
and get down to business
746
00:20:31,898 --> 00:20:33,232
you all hated me!
747
00:20:33,273 --> 00:20:34,608
We didn't hate you.
748
00:20:34,650 --> 00:20:36,276
We just wanted to have fun!
749
00:20:36,318 --> 00:20:37,570
Well, now we're having fun
750
00:20:37,611 --> 00:20:38,863
and you're not learning
751
00:20:37,611 --> 00:20:38,863
anything, either.
752
00:20:38,905 --> 00:20:41,032
So...that's not working out..
753
00:20:41,074 --> 00:20:42,449
...which is too bad
754
00:20:41,074 --> 00:20:42,449
'cause I was gonna
755
00:20:42,491 --> 00:20:43,784
teach you a lot
756
00:20:42,491 --> 00:20:43,784
of neat stuff
757
00:20:43,826 --> 00:20:46,829
like state capitals,
758
00:20:43,826 --> 00:20:46,829
long division
759
00:20:46,871 --> 00:20:49,165
how to suck an egg
760
00:20:46,871 --> 00:20:49,165
into a bottle.
761
00:20:49,207 --> 00:20:51,333
Did I hear
762
00:20:49,207 --> 00:20:51,333
long division?
763
00:20:51,375 --> 00:20:53,044
Derek, be quiet!
764
00:20:53,086 --> 00:20:56,505
We wanna see
765
00:20:53,086 --> 00:20:56,505
that egg sucking thing.
766
00:20:56,547 --> 00:20:58,340
No, I don't-I don't
767
00:20:56,547 --> 00:20:58,340
think so, guys.
768
00:20:58,382 --> 00:20:59,800
(all)
769
00:20:58,382 --> 00:20:59,800
'Aw.'
770
00:21:02,095 --> 00:21:05,598
Joey, don't quit.
771
00:21:02,095 --> 00:21:05,598
It's all my fault.
772
00:21:05,639 --> 00:21:08,184
No, Michelle, it's not
773
00:21:05,639 --> 00:21:08,184
your fault. It's me.
774
00:21:08,226 --> 00:21:10,103
I'm just not
775
00:21:08,226 --> 00:21:10,103
a very good teacher.
776
00:21:10,144 --> 00:21:14,148
We never gave you a chance,
777
00:21:10,144 --> 00:21:14,148
especially me.
778
00:21:14,190 --> 00:21:16,067
You're so funny,
779
00:21:14,190 --> 00:21:16,067
I forget that sometimes
780
00:21:16,109 --> 00:21:18,611
you have to be serious.
781
00:21:18,652 --> 00:21:20,821
Well, thanks
782
00:21:18,652 --> 00:21:20,821
for understanding, Michelle.
783
00:21:20,863 --> 00:21:24,242
So can we start all over?
784
00:21:24,283 --> 00:21:25,618
I don't know.
785
00:21:27,578 --> 00:21:31,165
Hey, everybody,
786
00:21:27,578 --> 00:21:31,165
don't we want Joey..
787
00:21:31,207 --> 00:21:35,461
Uh, I mean, Mr. Gladstone
788
00:21:31,207 --> 00:21:35,461
to be our teacher?
789
00:21:35,502 --> 00:21:37,255
(all)
790
00:21:35,502 --> 00:21:37,255
Yeah!
791
00:21:37,296 --> 00:21:40,258
Oh, come on, now,
792
00:21:37,296 --> 00:21:40,258
cut it out!
793
00:21:40,299 --> 00:21:41,592
[laughing]
794
00:21:41,634 --> 00:21:44,845
Please, we'll be
795
00:21:41,634 --> 00:21:44,845
as still as statues!
796
00:21:44,887 --> 00:21:47,140
Well, you know, Derek, we don't
797
00:21:44,887 --> 00:21:47,140
have to be as still as statues.
798
00:21:47,181 --> 00:21:48,432
We can still have fun
799
00:21:48,474 --> 00:21:50,392
and learn something
800
00:21:48,474 --> 00:21:50,392
at the same time.
801
00:21:50,434 --> 00:21:52,603
Like how
802
00:21:50,434 --> 00:21:52,603
to suck an egg?
803
00:21:52,645 --> 00:21:54,272
Absolutely!
804
00:21:54,313 --> 00:21:55,648
Alright, kids.
805
00:21:55,689 --> 00:21:59,485
Come on up
806
00:21:55,689 --> 00:21:59,485
to Dr. Gladstone's laboratory!
807
00:21:59,526 --> 00:22:02,155
I'm your host..
808
00:22:02,196 --> 00:22:03,405
...Dr. Gladstone.
809
00:22:03,447 --> 00:22:04,991
'Ha ha ha!'
810
00:22:05,032 --> 00:22:09,287
Now...some people call
811
00:22:05,032 --> 00:22:09,287
this experiment, "magic."
812
00:22:09,328 --> 00:22:12,248
But I call it,
813
00:22:09,328 --> 00:22:12,248
pure science.
814
00:22:12,290 --> 00:22:14,875
There's no way
815
00:22:12,290 --> 00:22:14,875
that this egg
816
00:22:14,917 --> 00:22:16,294
can fit into this bottle.
817
00:22:16,335 --> 00:22:20,631
Alright, unless I take
818
00:22:16,335 --> 00:22:20,631
this piece of paper
819
00:22:20,673 --> 00:22:22,049
and throw it
820
00:22:20,673 --> 00:22:22,049
into the bottle.
821
00:22:22,091 --> 00:22:23,968
Now, you just light it
822
00:22:22,091 --> 00:22:23,968
like this
823
00:22:24,010 --> 00:22:27,054
and be very careful
824
00:22:24,010 --> 00:22:27,054
with fire, kids.
825
00:22:27,096 --> 00:22:29,056
Don't play with it when
826
00:22:27,096 --> 00:22:29,056
your parents aren't around.
827
00:22:29,098 --> 00:22:30,933
It could be
828
00:22:29,098 --> 00:22:30,933
very dangerous.
829
00:22:30,975 --> 00:22:32,185
Stick it
830
00:22:30,975 --> 00:22:32,185
into the bottle.
831
00:22:32,226 --> 00:22:34,020
Now, we put the egg on top
832
00:22:34,061 --> 00:22:35,188
'and watch this.'
833
00:22:35,229 --> 00:22:37,064
The fire burns up
834
00:22:35,229 --> 00:22:37,064
all the oxygen
835
00:22:37,106 --> 00:22:39,733
creating a vacuum and..
836
00:22:39,775 --> 00:22:41,861
...pow!
837
00:22:41,902 --> 00:22:43,737
There goes my lunch, kids!
838
00:22:43,779 --> 00:22:47,116
(all)
839
00:22:43,779 --> 00:22:47,116
Ha ha ha!
840
00:22:47,158 --> 00:22:48,909
Try it with the finger
841
00:22:47,158 --> 00:22:48,909
up in the air.
842
00:22:48,951 --> 00:22:51,829
(all)
843
00:22:48,951 --> 00:22:51,829
Ha ha ha!
844
00:22:51,871 --> 00:22:53,580
Whoa! Kaplowie!
845
00:22:54,915 --> 00:22:56,834
♪ Aah aah aah aah ♪
846
00:23:09,805 --> 00:23:12,390
[instrumental music]