[instrumental music]
Okay, boys, now,
tonight Mr. Woodchuck's
gonna help me tell you a story.
Is it about wood?
No, it's called, "The Three
Billy Goats Gruff."
That's our favorite story.
Now, ahem, once upon
a time there were three--
Woodchucks.
No, billy goats.
That's right, uh,
three billy goats.
Now, Mr. Woodchuck, I know you
love anything with wood in it
but, uh, please, let's
just stick to the story.
That's pine with me.
Now, the three billy goats
lived in a--
Lumber yard.
No, a folly!
Don't you know this story?
No, wood you tell it to me?
We would.
If you would stop talkin'.
Hey, now you boys are startin'
to speak my language.
[laughing]
[gibberish]
[theme music]
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ There's a heart ♪
♪ A hand to hold on to ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ There's a face ♪
♪ Of somebody who needs you ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ When you're lost out there ♪
♪ And you're all alone ♪
♪ A light is waiting
to carry you home ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Dooby doo baa ba dow ♪♪
[instrumental music]
[video game beeping]
Can we play?
Guys, "Montezuma's Quest"
is a very complicated game.
It takes timing, skill
and plenty of brain power.
(automated response)
'You have failed!'
'Ha ha ha!'
(both together)
You have failed!
Ha ha ha!
At least I can tie my own shoe.
So what?
We have Velcro!
Hey, shortcake.
Uncle Jesse, can you help me
with this video game?
Oh, Michelle, I'm sorry.
Vi-video games have never
really been my thing.
- Now Pinball! There's a game.
- What's Pinball?
What's pinball? You don't
know what pinball is?
Haven't you ever heard of Tommy?
- Who?
- Right.
- Who's right?
- No, who's on first?
- Uh, let me guess, Tommy?
- No, I'm just kidding you.
It's a-it's an old
Abbot and Costello routine.
Who?
Don't start with me
with who again.
Just show me the game.
Okay, the object of the game
is you have to find
the three magic keys.
Three magical keys, huh?
That doesn't seem so hard.
Right, but so far
I haven't found anything.
Heck, I can't even open the door
to the magic universe!
I knocked, I rang the bell--
Well, you're too polite,
you gotta ram the sucker!
(automated response)
'Ow!'
Uncle Jesse, you
dented his head.
Yeah, well, look-look at this.
Have you checked under
the welcome mat there?
That's usually where they
hide keys. Let's try that.
We found the first key!
Okay, Uncle Jesse,
I can take--
Well, l-l-let me
just open the door.
Let me just try-try that.
[scary music]
Frightening music.
Should we take the stairs
or the hall?
(automated response)
'Beware of the hall!'
We'll take the stairs.
[instrumental music]
[indistinct chatter]
Check out those guys!
(Stephanie)
'Those guys?'
They're in high school.
They'd never look at us.
Steph! They're men, we're women.
Let's just turn on the charm.
Okay, Plan B!
[whistles]
Hey you! Haul it over!
Hello gentlemen.
Uh, do we know you?
Oh, weren't you
the girls who jumped
on stage at that
Nine Inch Nails concert?
Yeah.
No, but we just got kicked out
of the piano and organ store!
Cool!
This is Steph, and I'm Gia.
You guys got names?
I'm Jason, he's Barry.
You know..
...We've never seen
you at Bay View.
Oh, that's because
we're not in high school.
She means, we're not
in that high school.
We go to a private school.
Oh, which one?
Uh, can't tell you!
It's private.
So what grade are you in?
What grade are you?
Uh, we're sophomores.
What a small world, so are we.
Really? You don't look 16.
That's because I, uh,
take care of myself!
Hey, sis.
Hey, Deej.
That's your sister?
You're a senior
at Bay View, aren't you?
Hey!
You're the losers
who drilled a peep hole
in the girls' locker room!
You're the reason
we plugged it up.
Hey, that hole works
both ways, zit butt.
So, Steph, if D.J.
goes to Bay View
how come you go
to that private high school?
Yeah, Steph, how come?
Deej, don't you remember?
Dad, uh, had a coupon.
Well, it's finally happened!
Blondie's lost it! Security!
Kimmy! Deej, come here.
We told these guys
that we're 16
and they believed us!
Don't blow it, please?
Hey, go ahead, have fun.
Well, wait a minute.
Why should we help you lie?
Okay....I promise, no cracks
about you for a week!
- Deal.
And, uh, by the way, Big Bird
called, he wants his legs back.
- Hey!
- Sorry.
Just getting one
last one out of my system.
See you guys later.
- Bye.
Hey, where'd Jason and Barry go?
They went to get their car.
They have a car?
Yeah, isn't it cool?
They're giving us a lift home.
Uh, Gia, I don't think
I'm supposed
to get in a car
with people I don't know.
Steph, we know
their names, their school.
We've been talking to them
for at least three minutes!
What more do you need to know?
Two doors or four?
[dramatic music]
Okay, Uncle Jesse,
I think I can--
Th-th, what kind of uncle
would I be
if I left you in a cave full
of intergalactic wombats?
Sit.
Zomp the wombat, daddy!
Alright, son,
one zomped wombat coming up!
[buzzing]
Bye-bye, wombat.
[wombat groaning]
I knew I heard
a dying wombat in here.
Oh, Jess, don't go that way.
They're gonna get ya!
Jess, floor it!
Hey when I want your advice,
I'll beat it out of ya.
(automated response)
'Danger, danger.'
- Advice! Advice!
- Uh..
- Eat the power biscuit.
- Alright.
[burping]
That was tasty.
Okay, boys, time to wash
your little hands for dinner.
Oh, we're still playing!
Yeah, five minutes, please?
Not you. Nicky and Alex.
Come on, guys!
'Let's go, hurry up.'
Wait, boys, boys, boys.
Michelle, you've been playing
this game for hours, honey.
I'm not exactly
doing much playing.
What's that?
What is that?
(automated response)
'Mayday! Mayday! Losing Power!'
Losing power!
Joey, give me power!
I need power!
Give me power!
Alright, captain!
I'm givin' her all I got!
She can't take much more!
We've got to find
that second key!
Why don't you empty
that nuclear waste can?
It's starting to bubble.
[victory music]
Wow, Danny! That's it!
We got the second key!
- Key two.
- Yes!
Show's what a little
cosmic cleaning can do.
You know what, let me try it.
(automated response)
'Moo!'
- 'Moo!'
- 'Where are we now?'
Oh, no. The pasture
of lost hope.
'Yeah. Quick.'
E-eat that power biscuit right
behind that cosmic cow.
- Yeah.
- 'Wait!'
Don't eat it, don't step in it.
It's not a power biscuit.
Oh, you city boys
don't know much about cows!
[rock music]
This is so cool.
Yeah this is great,
but you don't have to go
through the park
to get to my house.
Oh, don't worry,
it's a short cut!
Hey, you know what
would make it even shorter?
If we went faster?
Faster?
- Yeah!
- Yes, whoa!
[engine revving]
[horn blaring]
[screaming]
Okay, okay! The gas
pedal works fine!
Now let's try the brakes.
You do have brakes?
Uh, I don't know,
I've never used them.
[laughs]
(Stephanie)
'Jason, slow down!'
[tires screeching]
[giggles]
How come everybody always drives
on the right side of the road?
- Yeah?
- Let's give the left a shot!
Yeah!
[tires screeching]
[screaming]
Oh, my God!
Jason, there's a truck coming!
'Oh, no problem.'
Oh, my God! The wheel is locked!
[all screaming]
[horn blaring]
[screaming]
- Yes!
- Awesome!
This is so crazy!
Come on, Steph,
when was the last time
you did anything this cool?
Never.
Wo-hoo! Tunnel!
[cheering]
[tires screeching]
Alright.
What are we stopping for?
- Burn rubber!
- Yeah!
[tires screeching]
[horn blaring]
Deej, I just had the greatest
time of my whole life!
Hey it's Sweet Sixteen.
You kids grow up so fast.
For your information, those guys
gave us a ride home
in the coolest car.
You got in a car
with Beavis and Butt-head?
They happen to be great guys!
And they are so funny!
First, Jason drove
on the wrong side of the road.
And then, he pretended like
the steering wheel was locked!
We came this close to a truck.
Wow! does he have
an older brother?
Maybe we could all double date
and drive off a cliff together.
Jason's a very good driver.
He's had his license
for almost three months!
And it never dawned on you
that you could get hurt?
What's with you?
Haven't you ever been 16?
I have! You haven't, remember?
It's no big deal,
I went out and had some fun.
Fine, you're home,
let's just drop it.
(Stephanie)
'Fine.'
Did anyone notice I'm late?
See for yourself.
Hey, guys.
(all together)
Hey.
Guess not.
Good.
Is it my turn yet?
Uh, you're next, sweetheart.
Just as soon as we get
the enchanted kayak
through the rapids.
Watch out for those rocks.
- Go right! Go right!
- Right, right.
Now go left! Go left!
- Waterfall!
- Go up! Go up!
It's a kayak!
It doesn't go up!
It's enchanted,
for cryin' out loud!
(everybody)
Whoa!
[splashing]
We're okay.
We landed on the pond of peace.
I hate to interrupt
this moment of tranquility
but I really don't feel
like eating alone
at the table set for nine.
Yeah, D.J.'s right.
Might be a good time
to take a break
from our little quest,
noble as it is.
Yeah, let's just put
the game on pause and we can..
Honey, let..
Put the game on pause!
We'll come back after we
have a nice leisurely dinner.
- Done?
- Game time!
Thank you. I'll do the dishes!
Don't worry about a thing!
Buh-bye, buh-bye, now!
Steph, get your coat!
Jason's outside with his car!
Cool! I got a need for speed!
Just let me tell
my dad I'm goin' out.
Hey, dad, can I go out with Gia?
Did you do your homework?
It's Saturday.
Oh, well, good.
Just be home by..
Trolls at 12 o'clock!
Cool! Curfew's at 12?
No, no, no! Trolls at 12.
You be home by nine.
- Okay, see ya, dad.
- 'Bye.'
- Come on!
- That was almost too easy.
Steph, are you sure
you wanna do this?
Let me think about it.
Thinking, thinking,
I'm outta here!
Steph, You're not going.
What are you talking about?
I'm sorry, I can't let you go.
[horn blaring]
Gia, tell the guys to hang.
I'll be right out.
I thought, you said
your sister was cool.
She used to be.
Deej, forget it! There's
no way you can make me stay!
I'll tell dad.
Okay, there's one way.
I can't believe
you'd squeal on me!
I can't believe you've
put me in this position!
What about all those times
that you snuck in
after curfew and I never
said a word?
That's different!
This is dangerous.
Steph, are you coming or what?
Yeah, I'm comin'.
No, you're not!
You're bluffin'.
- I'm telling.
- I'm going.
Steph, I'm serious.
- Dad!
- 'Yeah, Deej.'
Gia, better go without me.
Never mind.
Sorry, Steph.
I hope you're happy!
From now on, just stay out
of my life!
[instrumental music]
Come on, Joey.
There's the castle!
Well, we just gotta get
over that little bridge.
It's guarded by
the giant troll there.
- Where's he?
- In the troll booth!
Okay, alright,
he's comin' right at us.
- 'Hurry, hurry!'
- Hit hyper punch.
Stick, jab, stick,
jab, stick, jab.
He's down!
[all applauding]
Whoop dee do.
You know what? This is fun.
How often do you get
to spend a pleasant evening
just surrounded by the people
that you love?
You idiot! He's not dead,
he's only stunned!
Gimme that thing, you
don't know what you're doing!
You don't know
what you're doing!
(Jesse)
'Both of y'all don't
know what you're doin'.'
It's time for someone else
to do the controls, me.
Come on, guys, guys, guys!
This is no way
for grown men to behave!
It's a good thing I'm
a grown woman! Now give me!
[indistinct argument]
[machine beeps]
(everybody)
Hey!
Game over.
Michelle, why did you do that?
I had to stop the madness.
Look at you!
You were fighting
over a silly game!
You oughta be ashamed.
Shame on you.
Double shame!
Uh, the boys are right.
I mean, we were completely
obsessed over this thing.
Yeah, Michelle, thank you
for snapping us out of it.
I don't know, I just
kinda got in and I zoned out
and I didn't know
what was happening.
It's like when I
empty Joey's hamper.
You know what, I think
we just need to get back
to our normal lives around here.
I'm gonna go play
with Mr. Woodchuck.
Tell him I said, "hi."
- Thanks, Michelle.
- Thanks, sweety.
- 'Come on, boys.'
(Becky)
'Come on, guys.'
You wanna bring your book?
It's about time.
[instrumental music]
Okay, you wombats.
It's gonna be a long night.
Don't even think about it.
[beeping]
[instrumental music]
Steph, we need
to talk about this.
There's nothing to talk about.
You just hate
to see me have fun.
Oh, yeah, Steph,
that's real bright.
You know, the first thing
on my mind when I wake up is
how can I make
Steph miserable today?
So you admit it?
Oh, you're losin' it.
[indistinct argument]
Guys, guys, guys!
Take it easy.
Whatever this is about,
it can wait, okay?
Um...Steph, I just got off
the phone with Gia's mom.
Gia was in
a car accident tonight.
- No!
- Yeah.
Is she-is she okay?
Well, she got some
bumps and some bruises
and she's gonna be
in the hospital overnight.
Oh, my God!
She was with two other guys
and, uh, one of them
broke his leg
and got cut up pretty badly.
They were really lucky they
were wearing their seatbelts.
The car was totaled.
I can't believe it.
Didn't you say something about
going out with Gia tonight?
Well, um, yeah, but--
But when Gia showed
up with those guys
Steph decided not to go.
Really?
Steph, that showed
incredibly good judgment.
Do you have any idea
how proud of you
I am right now, honey?
- Probably too proud.
- Oh, never.
Yeah, Gia's mom said she
wanted her to take it easy.
You can call her tomorrow, okay?
- Okay.
- Goodnight, sweetheart.
- Goodnight, daddy.
- Goodnight.
Goodnight.
I could've been in that car.
Yeah, but you weren't.
Because of you..
I mean, I knew it
was dangerous, but..
...I wanted to go anyway.
- I am so stupid.
- No.
You just think that nothing
bad could ever happen to you.
Did you ever think like that?
Nobody knows this, but..
...one Halloween when I was 13..
...I told dad I was
sleeping at Kimmy's
and she told her mom
that she was sleeping here.
We thought it would be great
to stay out all night.
Was it?
Well, I thought so at the time.
I mean, we were
all over the city!
We even hitch-hiked
up to Berkeley.
You hitch-hiked?
What are you, nuts?
That's so dangerous!
Well, I know that now.
But back then, I was
young and stupid, like you.
So how do you get
to be old and smart?
Well, after a while you just get
this little voice
inside that tells you
when something's dangerous.
And if you're lucky,
you learn to listen to it.
I think I heard that voice
before I got in the car
with those guys.
It sounded a lot like dad.
Yeah, well...as you get older
it starts to sound
a lot more like you.
I'm glad you were there
for me tonight, Deej.
And, listen, I'm sorry
about what I said.
You're still pretty cool.
[instrumental music]
[sighs]
I felt so bad when dad
said he was proud of me.
I mean, maybe I should
just tell him.
He's gonna be pretty mad.
I know.
That's why I think I'll,
uh, soften him up with your
hitch-hiking story first.
No, Steph, Steph..
♪ Aah aah aah aah ♪♪
[theme music]
[music continues]