Big day at the playground
today, guys.
I'm gonna teach you how to swing
without anybody pushing you.
- Impossible.
- Can't be done.
All you have to do is
learn how to pump your legs.
Watch me and do what I do.
'Come on, boys.'
Not everything I do, huh?
Just the leg pumping.
Now swing your legs in..
...and out.
In...and out.
But we are not going anywhere.
I told you it can't be done.
She's cuckoo.
[theme music]
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Everywhere you go ♪
♪ There's a heart ♪
♪ A hand to hold on to ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Everywhere you go ♪
♪ There's a face
of somebody who needs you ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ When you're lost out there
and you're all alone ♪
♪ A light is waiting
to carry you home ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Dooby do ba ba dow ♪♪
Hey, thanks for
letting me tag along
with you guys
to the street fair.
Yeah, well, this year,
remember that nachos
and that Tilt-A-Whirl,
don't mix.
You're telling me?
I really liked that sweater.
Thank you.
Hola, Deej.
El blondo.
Hi, Kimmy. Hi, Nelson.
Hi, D.J., it's good
to see you again.
What are you doing?
Checking your eyesight.
You've got
eight trillion dollars
and you're dating Gibbler.
Gibbler? No.
No, no, we're just..
We're just, we're friends.
Well, um, I was hoping we'd be
a little more than friends.
Like, uh, husband and wife?
So, D.J., uh..
I suppose I'll be meeting this
guy you've been seeing, huh?
- Viper.
- Viper? Ah!
Uh, let me guess. You,
you didn't meet at the library.
He plays the guitar
in my Uncle Jesse's band.
He's running a little late.
Ooh! Old boyfriend
meets new boyfriend
on a very special
"Jerry Springer."
Uh, Nelson, you know
that you're going
to the street fair
with a local legend.
Uh, Kimmy won the pie-eating
contest three years in a row.
It's a gift.
I got it from my mom.
She can swallow
a frisbee whole.
[doorbell ringing]
That's Viper.
Well, time to warm up
the old chops.
Hey!
Pineapple cheesecake.
This is not gonna be pretty.
Do you believe in being honest?
I believe in saying hello.
Deej, I could
beat around the bush.
I could stall.
I could hem and haw.
You could just say it.
Okay.
I think things between us
are moving too fast.
Uh, you probably
feel the same way.
Like, uh, you need
a little room to breathe?
I was breathing fine until
you started talking like this.
Well, it's just, you know,
one day we meet
and the next thing you know,
boom, we're-we're a couple.
So, what are you saying?
Boom! We're breaking up?
- I guess I am.
- But I don't understand.
I thought
everything was going great.
I-i-it's not you,
it's, it's me.
Okay? I just, uh..
I need a little space.
I'm sorry, Deej.
I gotta go.
[laughing]
Gibbler just gobbled that pie..
...in one minute two..
Just, gah!
Well, I guess
we better get going.
Where is this, uh, Viper guy?
Oh, um, he just dropped by
to say that he couldn't make it.
Oh! Are you okay?
Yeah. Fine.
No, you're not.
What's the matter?
Viper just broke up with me.
Oh, Deej.
It's okay.
It's okay, Deej.
Oh, I feel awful.
I never even saw it coming.
I know how that feels.
Oh!
Hey, if you felt this bad
when I did to you
I'm really sorry.
The thing to remember
is that the pain does go away.
I hope so.
But it is replaced by this
big, empty, hollow feeling.
Let's hit the swings.
My playground.
- What a mess.
- Michelle, who did that?
I'll tell you who did that.
- Dad, who did that?
- I don't know, Michelle.
Unfortunately, there
are some people out there
who take out their anger
on other people's property.
Shame on them.
Double shame.
You said it, guys.
I wanna go home, dad.
Okay, honey. Let's go.
Alright. Thanks a lot.
So, Danny, what's the word
from City Hall?
Well, the word is, there's
still 65 vandalized playgrounds
they have to be fixed up
ahead of us.
They're still cleaning off
park walls that say disco sucks.
No playground? Nicky and Alex
will never learn to pump.
Oh, yes, they will.
Now if the city's
not gonna get involved
then I say we take
some action ourselves.
Every kid has the God
given right to pump.
You know what, he's right,
and we're gonna get the whole
neighborhood to help
rebuild that playground.
The-the slide's gonna be slidier
and the monkey bars
are gonna be monkier.
Monkier?
You get the idea.
This is gonna
be the best playground
any kid has ever played in.
Yeah, with big,
wide, sturdy swings
with plenty of room,
so the chains don't squeeze
your car keys into your thighs.
Well,
'cause-'cause kids hate that.
- Hey, Comet.
- Hi, Comet.
Hey, Nelson, thanks for taking
us to the street fair today.
- I had a blast.
- Not me.
It was the worst day of my life.
You're just bitter
because you were disqualified
from the pie-eating contest.
Man, you swallow one fork.
Well, on that note, I think
it's time to, uh, free Willy.
Nelson, thanks
for winning me this monkey.
It was so cute how
you kept trying and trying.
Oh, I knew I'd knock down those
milk bottles sooner or later.
Yeah, $700 later.
Uh, so you had
a good time today?
Yeah, yeah, thanks to you.
Um, for a while there,
I actually forgot
I've been dumped.
You know, D.J.,
any guy that would dump you
would have to be
out of his mind.
Aww! Why can't all guys
be as sweet as you?
Why can't all girls
be as pretty as you?
Thanks for a great day, Nelson.
I really had fun.
Did something just happen here?
I don't know.
Maybe, um, you'd like
to talk about it
over dinner,
Saturday night?
Yeah, that will be nice.
Great. See you then.
Steph, Nelson will be here
any second.
How do I look?
Like you're going out
with a million bucks.
What is this,
uh, three nights in a row
for you two wacky kids?
Yeah.
It's starting
to feel kinda comfortable.
Like a big couch
filled with money?
It's not the money.
You know,
once I gave Nelson a chance
I saw this whole
other side to him.
He's so sweet,
and sensitive, and..
I could never talk to Viper
the way I talk to him.
[knock on door]
That's him.
Hi, Nels..
Viper?
D.J., I've been walking
around for three days
just thinking about you.
And I realized that
breaking up with you
is the dumbest thing I ever did.
Please, take me back.
Take you back?
There is no way
D.J. is taking you back.
You-you're not gonna
take him back, are ya?
- Deej, come on, we gotta talk.
- No, no, not tonight.
We're going out.
You, on the other hand, are not
going out. You're staying in.
You...wanted your space.
Enjoy the living room.
This is better than "90210."
Sorry, Viper, we're late.
Gee! I don't believe this.
What does she see in that guy?
Well, let's see, she sees, uh,
sensitivity. She sees caring.
She sees a beach house
on both coasts.
Well, I'm not rolling over
for Richie Rich.
I'm getting D.J. back.
Thanks, Nelson,
I had a great time tonight.
Really? You know, uh..
You seemed kind of distracted
during dinner.
Dinner? Oh, no, thanks.
I just ate.
Deej, I know you've been
thinking about that guy
uh, Viper.
You know it's Viper.
And I really cared about him.
And I really care about you.
Man, and I thought
trigonometry was complicated.
Look, Deej,
I just want you to know..
...I'm here for you.
Well, actually
I'm gonna be at home
but you know what I mean.
Uh, I'll call you tomorrow.
- Okay. Goodnight, Nelson.
- Goodnight.
[guitar music]
♪ D.J. ♪
♪ Is there anything
that I could say ♪
♪ To change your mind ♪
♪ Let me stay ♪
♪ 'Cause I'm just ♪
♪ Sitting here ♪
♪ Wasting away ♪
♪ Everyday living without ♪
♪ You ♪♪
- Oh, Viper.
- Ah, Deej.
I missed you so much.
I missed you too.
Deej, you forgot your fl..
What's going on here?
Uh, Nelson,
this isn't what it looks like.
Oh, thank God.
'Cause, looked like
you guys were kissing.
Viper was just singing
this beautiful song
that he wrote for me.
Oh, really?
Uh, must have been tough
to sing with your mouth full.
Come on, Deej, you don't
have to explain anything to him.
D.J., do you know
what you're doing?
This guy broke your heart once.
What makes you think
he won't do it again?
I know. You're right.
How do I know you're not
gonna do that to me again?
I mean, Nelson was there
for me when I needed him.
He wasn't there for you.
He just moved in
on a weak moment.
No, it wasn't like that.
Well, maybe I was
a little hurt and..
...confused and vulnerable..
D.J., you know it
wasn't like that.
We have something
beautiful between us.
Yeah, your wallet.
Listen, I'm getting
D.J. back, alright?
Yeah, well, forget it,
'cause DJ knows that
I would never break her heart.
Yeah, but that's not
gonna happen again.
- It was a mistake.
- Yeah, you're a mistake.
Yeah, you wanna
take this outside?
Hey, hey,
I'm not afraid of you.
- Uh-huh.
- I'm not afraid of you.
My chauffer can rip you
limb for limb, pal.
Hey, you guys, stop it, okay?
I can't stand
to see you act this way.
Now I'm gonna make a decision.
I just need more time.
[whirring]
[indistinct chattering]
Boy, this hammer's
a lot heavier than I remember.
Ow!
This is not a public hammer,
tool-box brain.
This happens to be a Katsopolis
family hammer, okay?
My great-grandfather
used this hammer
to build his house in Greece.
He then passed it
down to my grandfather
who then passed it
down to my father
who told me never
to let you touch it.
I love this hammer.
Okay, alright, fine. I'll,
uh, just go crank up the saw.
That is, unless you have some
bizarre emotional attachment
to that piece of hardware too.
Okay, I'm just kidding.
I'm kidding.
Okay, Jess,
I picked up the supplies.
I also put together this
spiffy construction outfit.
How do I look?
Like one of the village people.
Come on, Jess,
I wanna build something.
Use tools. Get dirt
near my fingernails.
Alright, alright, uh,
take out your crescent wrench.
Crescent wrench?
Okay, crescent wrench.
Let me just, uh,
check the diagram here.
Crescent wrench.
I am here. My hammer's here.
Uh, left is west,
right is east.
Four quarts to a gallon.
Crescent wrench.
Crescent wrench..
Crescent wrench
is over here it is!
I would have gotten
there eventually.
Alright, now, uh,
take the crescent wrench
and go tighten all the nuts
on the teeter-totter over there.
Sir, yes, sir.
Now I know why
they wear these hard hats.
I know that now.
Bubble brain.
What are you doing?
Get to work.
Saw something.
[imitating Popeye]
Get to work. Saw something.
Ya big bully,
if I had me spinach
I'm sure, I'd saw something.
That's right.
I'll see what you saw.
[imitating Popeye's laugh]
(Joey)
'Oh, no.'
Did I just hear an oh, no
from a man with a power saw?
Oh, uh, no.
- What happened?
- I, uh..
Well, I just took off
a little piece of my finger. Ow!
As long as nothing
happened to my hammer.
Uh, just don't panic, okay?
It was an accident, alright?
Uh, you can still use it.
You can use it for, uh, uh
small things like, uh,
like thumbtacks, you know, uh..
Kack-kack-kack!
Thumbtacks.
You know what?
I'm not gonna kill you.
I'm not gonna
kill you right here.
- You know why?
- 'Cause you forgive me.
[laughing]
Too many witnesses.
Alright, she's tightened up.
Let's try her out.
Uh, dad. Great teeter,
but I'm not seeing much totter.
Okay.
- Kimmy, did you gain weight?
- Yeah, I'm up to 260 now.
I must have over tightened it.
- Let's all push together.
- Alright.
On three. Three!
[Kimmy screaming]
Excellent dismount.
She really nailed that landing.
Viper, what are you doing here?
Come on, D.J.,
you won't talk to me.
You won't return my phone calls.
I've gotta know.
What's your decision?
- D.J., we gotta talk.
- Guys, look. Believe me.
I've been agonizing over this,
okay?
But it's not like
picking out a pair of shoes.
I wanna make the right choice.
And I'm sorry,
I haven't made a decision yet.
Well, good.
'Cause I just wanna
let you know that..
I might not be able to write
a song for you or sing it to you
but I can definitely
show you how I feel.
Now, you've heard
of the Four Seasons, right?
Summer, fall, winter, spring?
And Frankie Valli.
[Frankie Valli singing
"Can't Take My Eyes Off You"]
Where's the music coming from?
I had the park wired last night.
♪ I love you baby ♪
♪ And if it's quite alright ♪
♪ I need you baby ♪
♪ To wander lonely nights ♪
♪ You're just too good
to be true ♪
♪ Can't take my eyes off
of you ♪
♪ You'd be like heaven
to touch ♪
♪ I wanna hold you so much ♪
♪ At long last
love has arrived ♪
♪ And I thank God I'm alive ♪
♪ You're just too good
to be true ♪
♪ Can't take my eyes off
of you ♪♪
[crowd applauding]
Thank you.
Oh, that was beautiful.
- I don't know what to say.
- Say yes to Nelson.
He's a nice guy,
and he pays in cash.
Uh, excuse me, Mr-Mr. Valli,
I'm-I'm a huge fan of yours.
I really am.
My-my name is Danny Tanner.
D.J., how can you compare
buying a love song
to writing one
that's from the heart?
Hey, hey,
feelings are feelings
and right now, I think D.J.
knows who really loves her.
That's right, and that's why
she's leaving you with me.
- Yeah, in your dreams.
- Yeah, in your nightmare--
- Yeah, in that jacket--
- Look, you guys.
That's enough, okay?
Don't fight over me.
I'm not a trophy.
I can't take this pressure.
If you're forcing me to choose..
I'm sorry,
I'm choosing neither of you.
- I blew it.
- No, I blew it worse.
- No, no, no. I blew it worse.
- No, I definitely..
- Don't tell me you blew it--
- You see what I did--
[indistinct]
Guys, guys,
you both blew it worse.
I still get paid, don't I?
Hey, Deej, you alright?
Aunt Becky, I just blew off
two great guys.
Am I totally out of my mind?
No, it may not seem like it now
but you did the right thing.
- I did?
- Absolutely.
Nelson and Viper
are both nice guys
but if either one
had been the guy for you
you would have been able
to choose one.
You're a smart girl, Deej.
Listen to your heart.
- Don't ever settle.
- Thanks, Aunt Becky.
Think I'll ever find
that guy for me?
Oh, I know you will.
I did.
What's so funny?
Get up there.
And we're flying!
There you go.
That's it.
Pump, pump your legs.
Way to go.
We're big boys now.
What a great day.
It really was.
It was great.
We got to rebuild
the playground.
I got to use my tools.
Look at this, everybody.
Frankie Valli
autographed my hard hat.
- Hey!
- That's pretty cool.
Wait-wait a minute.
Where's Joey?
Joey? Oh, Joey.
We-we-we had this
little spat over hammers.
See, and I-I had
this staple gun, and..
I'll be right back.
Jess?
Okay, Jess, game's over.
[dog growling]
Good dog. Good doggie.
Good dog.
Oh, don't even think about it.
There's a fire hydrant
over there.
Oh, oh, oh. Is that wet?
Oh! Jess!