[theme music]
Okay, boys. Now, we have a bear,
a camel, and an elephant.
What other animals
do we see at the zoo?
We saw hot dogs.
Uh, Nicky, I-I was thinking
more of animals
we didn't put mustard on.
What are you guys doing in here?
We live here, bemember?
I'm baby sitting
Nicky and Alex today
and we're making
a collage of zoo animals.
Miraculously, some of it
actually made it
onto the paper.
Look, let's get this place
cleaned up, okay?
The woman from the scholarship
foundation is coming over
to interview me this afternoon.
This could help
pay for my college.
So you and the zoo crew skidoo.
Boy, first scholarship
for cranky state
she's a lock.
Maybe she needs a nap.
[Jesse Frederick singing
"Everywhere You Look"]
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ There's a heart ♪
♪ A hand to hold on to ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ There's a face ♪
♪ Of somebody who needs you ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ When you're lost out there ♪
♪ And your all alone ♪
♪ A light is waiting
to carry you home ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Chip-a-dee-ba-ba-dow ♪♪
[instrumental music]
Hey, boo boo. Ha ha.
Clear the track. Joey's back.
Yes, Super Bowl Sunday.
My favorite day of the year.
Huh, just an hour
till kickoff time.
I've only missed six hours
of the pre-game show.
Ha ha ha.
Joey, turn the TV off.
You know something, Deej.
I just got off the road
playing comedy clubs
and I gotta tell you,
that is the funniest thing
I've heard all week.
What I mean is, can't you watch
the Super Bowl in your own room?
I'm using the living room
for my scholarship interview.
You're not gonna
watch the Super Bowl?
Your dad and Aunt Becky at their
first shot on national TV
doing the behind the scenes
reports.
I know. Uncle Jesse is taping it
for me, so I can watch it later.
- Joey, please.
- Oh, brother.
You know, it's a good thing
I put new batteries
in my Bullwinkle TV.
You get great reception
on those antlers.
Thank you.
Oh! Hors d'oeuvres.
Oh, Joey, I'm glad you're back.
Kids are gonna be here
any minute.
Kids? I'm not watching the
Super Bowl with bunch of kids.
That Bullwinkle TV
is only so big, Jesse.
You promised to take
my science club
on a field trip today.
- I did?
- Yeah, we both did.
Months ago, remember?
Oh, Jesse.
I didn't realize we're supposed
to take 'em on
Super Bowl Sunday.
Man, don't worry about it.
I'm taping it.
That way we can, uh,
fast forward
through all the boring junks
and just watch Becky and Danny.
Boring junk? You mean the game?
Mm-hmm.
Jesse, no way.
I can't watch sports on tape.
I-it's like how you can't
watch "Viva Las Vegas"
unless you're eating
a deep fried peanut butter
and banana sandwich.
Oh, yeah, I see
your point there.
Yeah.
Come on, guys. You promised.
Yeah, she's right.
We did promise.
So, uh, drop your remotes,
zip-up your coat
we're going to museum. Come on.
Oh, Jess, wait a minute, please.
Can't you just take
the kids by yourself?
[kids cheering]
Right. Yeah, these, these, these
knee-nibbling, ankle-biting
rug rats by myself?
I think not. Stop touching
the merchandise.
- You guys are late.
- Like it's our fault.
Derek's mom won't take the mini
van over the stupid speed limit.
Mothers driving record
is blemish free
and she intends
to keep it that way.
Thank you very much.
I heard the museum has
a new super powerful telescope.
If it's anything like
my dad's telescope
all you can see is
a bunch of stewardess'
lying around a swimming pool
Well, I'm not disturbing inside
into your home life, Aaron.
I think it's time to hit
the road. Come on.
Wait, wait, wait a second.
I can't believe nobody
wants to watch
the most important
football game of the year.
Joey, don't try to
weasel out of this.
Yeah, Joey.
This is a no-weasel zone.
Now, we promised these kids
an afternoon of science and fun
Gosh, darn, that's what
we're gonna deliver.
I mean, look at these
innocent faces. You see 'em?
'Well, most of 'em.'
Well, what if there's a way
where the kids could
learn science
and I could have fun?
So you see, kids, this place
is filled with science.
It's just like a museum.
No, it's not.
It's "Weebs Sports Grill,
a pleasant alternative
"to your wife."
Let's blow this place pop stand!
- Yeah!
- No, no, no.
Kids, kids, now, we said
we'd give him
the benefit of doubt
and that's exactly
what we're gonna do.
Where is the science,
Mr. Wizard?
It's-it's, uh..
...right under
your nose, it's, um
take this pool table for example
Newton's Law of Billiards.
You see, the amount
of force upon impact
has a direct relationship
to the distance
in object that'll travel.
[clears throat]
And that, my friends,
is science.
That, my friend, is a scratch.
Ah, do you know what?
You suckered us long enough.
You, me, the kids, we're all
going to science museum.
- Yeah!
- Wait, wait, wait.
'Wait a sec, Jess.'
Come on. The game's
gonna start any minute.
Can't you just watch
the kids for three hours?
Joey, give it up, man.
They don't wanna be here.
Alright. Uh, kids,
do you wanna play
free games for
the next three hours?
[cheering]
See, see. They wanna be here.
Okay, I don't wanna be here.
Jess, come on, please.
I'll never ask for another favor
again. I-I promise.
I don't have to tape
"Muppet Babies" for you again?
Never!
And when you have
a bad dream at night?
From now on, I'll holler up
Danny's name.
Come on, Jess, please. Please!
- We'll get more sleep.
- Oh, great.
Alright, kids. Do you
wanna play some games?
- Yeah!
- Let's go.
Hey, Weeb. Give me 40 bucks
in quarters.
Uh, Jess, can I have 40 bucks?
- Alright.
- Ah. Change for 40.
Great. Now,
you watch the kids.
- I'll watch the game.
- Alright.
You are the king.
Oh, look at that one!
Hey! Check out the babe
on the pre-game show.
Hi, I'm Danny Tanner.
And I'm Rebecca Donaldson.
Hey, That's no babe.
That's my wife.
We're here on special assignment
at the Super Bowl.
When there's a break
in the action
and you don't have
to go to the bathroom..
'...we're gonna take you
on an eye opening'
journey behind the scenes.
That's right, Danny.
Right behind this door
is the control room for
Joe Robbie Stadium's
state of the art
scoreboard.
That's right, Becky.
And we're gonna go inside
and give you
an exclusive peek
at what makes this
computerized marvel tick.
Who would've thought such a
sophisticated piece of machinery
could be run by a simple mop?
Well, Danny, that doesn't seem
to be the correct door,
now. Does it?
No, it doesn't, Becky.
I believe the correct door
would be down
that corridor
where I suggested we go to
in the first place.
Well, Danny, I have
a suggestion where you can go
but first let's go back
to Al, Dan, and Frank.
Oh...terrific job, Beck.
You see, when she smiles
she lights up a whole..
Where are all of the sweaty
football guys!
Bring on the football guys.
The guys that
throw the thing..
Yes, what?
Uncle Jesse, this whole trip
is totally bogus.
I know, Michele,
but Joey's obsessed
with this football stuff.
You think I wanna be
here with a bunch of
loudmouthed, pea-brained
know-it-all jocks who could, uh
who could.. Who could
take this pool cue
and turn me into a Jess-kebab?
Michelle, uh, run along.
You-you don't
want to be privy to this.
Michelle, what is the
probability of our science club
actually doing something
science-related?
Yeah. Let's do
something scientific.
Besides, we're out of quarters.
Let's ask your
Uncle Slick for more.
Now might not be
a good time.
Gentlemen...I hate to bother you
but I-I seem to be losing all
feeling b-below my hairline.
Oh, good! That's better.
Thanks.
Good, yeah, thanks.
Hey, Joey, remind me
to kill you later.
Yeah! Yeah! Kill you later.
Great, Jess, sure.
Idiot.
Hey, there's nobody
watching this TV.
Let's turn it
to the science channel.
It's 27. I memorized
the entire cable lineup.
Oh, here's the remote.
- Here we go! It's kickoff time.
- 'Yeah. Yeah'
(man on TV)
'It's a high kick into the wind'
'and it will be taken
at the goal line.'
(female on TV)
'...anything in nature
more fascinating'
'than the mating dance
of the blue-footed..'
[indistinct chatter]
Hey! Who turned the channel?
Yeah, who turned the channel?
I wanna thank him. Thank you.
It's those kids.
That's interesting.
This remote seems to
control all the TVs.
- Get that remote!
- 'Yeah!'
- No, thanks.
- I pass.
Come and get it, fun boys!
(male #2)
Get that little
whippersnapper!
(Joey)
Alright, just
we'll get it back.
'We'll get it back.'
Ha ha ha!
Alright, okay. No harm done.
Alright. I-I'll get the remote.
It's just a little, uh,
kickoff mischief, that's all.
Jess, help me, okay?
- Grrr!
- I-I-I'm sorry, Weeb. Sorry.
You had a piece of, a lint
on one of your neck rolls.
I got it. I got it.
Fine. I got it.
Jess, help me get it
behind here, alright.
Okay.
- Yeah..
- There it is. There it is.
[whirring]
(male #3)
'Oh, man!'
I-I-I think I'm gonna
ask them to-to kill you first.
That way I'll be
able to watch.
On the, uh, on the plus side,
I-I found the remote.
[grunting]
Back! Back! This thing
needs batteries or somethin'.
Here, here. You try it.
[instrumental music]
[indistinct chatter]
Super Bowl Sunday!
[sobbing]
My biggest day of the year
and you guys
wreck the TVs!
All ruined!
Weeb, Weeb,
Weeb, Weeby.
Weeby, Weeby,
Weebula.
Weeb, Weeb, please,
please, Weeb.
It's-it's okay, Weeby.
It-it's just a silly game.
- Silly game?
- Ooh, oh-oh.
[panting]
I broke 11 bones
playing that silly game.
Oh, wow. Was it painful?
I don't know.
They weren't mine.
Of course, they..
They weren't yours? No.
I-I wish I had
more insurance.
Hey, since you guys
can't watch the game
maybe you'd like to come
to the science museum with us.
That's a real good idea,
sweetheart.
Now we can stuff
and mount these clowns!
- Alright, no stuffing.
- Stuff 'em!
- No mounting.
- No stuffing.
- No mounting.
- No stuffing.
I-I-I, uh..
- I have an idea.
- You do? He does.
- He's got an idea.
- Yes, I do.
[instrumental music]
Deej, hi.
[panting]
How'd your interview go?
I don't know.
I haven't had it yet.
The woman from
the scholarship fund called.
- She's gonna be late.
- Ooh, late.
Late is bad.
- Turn on the tube!
- Let's go!
Watercress sandwiches!
Just like mom's!
Hey! Hey! Those are
not for you.
Deej, don't disturb them
while they're feeding.
Joey, who are these people?
Well, they're here because
they wanna see the game
and, uh, I wanna see
the rest of my life.
Some field trip.
Hey, what are you guys
doing back so soon?
Ask her. She promised us
the museum
but all we've seen is
a lot of wet bar change!
Like this is my idea
of a fun day.
I believe the blame rests
squarely upon the shoulders
of our adult chaperones.
What? Don't blame me. I was, uh
I was just tryin' to help out
football-brain over there.
Uncle Jesse, we've got
to learn something.
After all, the motto
of our science club is..
We've gotta
learn something.
And I will teach you something.
Alright, I mean, after all
you guys are kids
I'm a grownup.
I should know more than you.
But you don't.
Well, I-I know
your parents would have
a lot more spending money
if you were in a crate
on your way to Siberia.
Why don't you teach 'em
to climb the stairs, okay?
My interviewer is gonna be
here any minute.
Please, keep them up there.
Keep them occupied.
And, Joey, Joey, get these
people into the kitchen.
D.J., are you out of your mind?
There's no TV in there.
What are we gonna watch,
the freezer?
[cheering]
Okay, our collage has
antelopes and zebras.
Can you guys think of
any other animals
that travel in packs?
No.
[indistinct chattering]
I mean, yes.
- 'Come on, guys.'
- Who are they?
I think Joey brought
some friends over to play.
Hey, look!
It's that clown again.
[laughing]
Thanks for the second chance,
guys.
That's no clown.
That's my dad.
Well, as you can see,
we finally found the scoreboard
and it's clearly marked
"Authorized personnel only."
Which is exactly
what we are.
So why don't we take an
authorized peek inside, Danny?
This is exciting.
[alarm blaring]
Um...well, I guess
we're not as, uh
authorized as we thought
we were.
So, uh, while we
straighten this out
why don't we
throw it back to you
- Ah, Al, Frank, and Dan?
- Dan.
- I thought you got clearance.
- Your job was clearance.
I made the dinner reservations.
- Oh, oh, oh!
- Uh-oh.
That joker's your dad?
[chuckles]
Uh, no, no. See.
You guys fell for the old
that's-my-dad routine.
Better watch
or I'll get your nose.
Oh, look, there it is.
You lovable lugs are just
too darn easy. Yeah.
Okay, boys,
let's go upstairs.
That was your dad.
Shh! That was also
your mom.
- Shh!
So-so you see, kids,
it's simple science, okay?
I mean if you get the proper
pH balance in your shampoo
when you get to this stage
you see, your scalp
should be what, Derek?
Tingling like
pins and needles.
Precisely. Okay.
Always use the fingertips
to massage in the shampoo
never the butt
of the hand, you see?
Fingertips, yes.
Butt, Derek?
- No.
- 'Correct.'
This concludes our little
scientific presentation.
Kids, what have you
learned today?
That Joey is the smart one.
At least he's watching
the Super Bowl.
Yeah. Who cares
how split ends split?
Today's shot.
Let's go downstairs
and watch the game.
We can watch
Derek's shampoo anytime.
What? Kids, kids, if I can
stress anything, it's condition.
It really is, condition,
condition, condition.
Where's the TV?
And all those guys
with no lives?
Uncle Jesse, you're supposed
to keep them busy upstairs.
I tried, but kids these days
you know, they'll spend
two, three on their homework
but you try to spend
five minutes
on proper scalp maintenance
and-and-and they look at you
like you're some kind of nut.
That's the look.
Uncle Jesse, please
she's gonna be here any minute.
- What am I gonna do with them?
- Take them into the kitchen.
Alright, come on, kids.
You little
beauty school dropouts
follow me into the kitchen.
Right this way.
I seem to have been left
high and not quite dry.
Out, out, out!
Come on, come on, out, out!
- Sit down, sit down!
- Sit down!
Out, out, out!
[knock on door]
Hey, there's a lady out there
with a briefcase.
That's my interview.
Out! Everybody, out!
Out! Out! Joey, get 'em out!
Alright, I know the drill.
Road trip!
Let's go! Come on!
[indistinct conversation]
We're missing the game!
[knock on door]
I-I'll be right there.
Just one second.
Hello. I'm Norma Bedrosian.
Hi. I'm D.J. Tanner.
I parked in back
if that's okay.
Oh, yeah, no problem.
[groaning]
Ah! Would you excuse me
for just one second?
Shut up!
Ahem. Sorry, I just had
to clear my throat there.
- Uh, please have a seat.
- 'Thank you.'
You know, we at the scholarship
foundation are interested
in people who are serious
about their academic careers.
Oh, you and me, both.
Lot of students go out
to school and think
that college
is just one big party.
Oh, no, not me.
I-I don't even think
about partying.
I don't even know
anyone who parties.
Deej, there you are.
Why didn't you tell me
you were having a wild party?
Do I know you?
Oh, you must be
the scholarship babe.
Hey, if you've got
any extra bucks
throw a little cash my way.
I'm gonna graduate
magna-come-and-get-her. Ha!
Who is this young woman?
Oh, I'm D.J.'s best pal.
We're inseparable.
We belong together
like Spam and Tang.
Spam, out.
Out, out.
See ya, Tang.
[indistinct chatter]
Miss Tanner, is it possible
there's a Super Bowl party
goin' on in there?
Uh, no, I-I don't think so--
- 'Touchdown!'
- Yeah!
Yes.
But it's not my party.
I-I don't like football at all.
I'd much rather study.
Football's just so barbaric
and stupid and pointless.
What a shame
because I love football.
As do I.
You didn't let me finish.
If my car hadn't broken down
I'd be watching
the game right now.
Let's cut to the chase,
Miss Tanner.
Your grades are excellent
your essay was superlative.
You got the scholarship.
Mrs. Bedrosian, thank you. I--
I'm sure you'll make us
all very proud, dear.
- Now to the game.
- Right.
Nacho cheese!
You gotta love it.
Any room in here
for another football fan?
- Norma!
What you guys doing here?
Why aren't you at Weeb's?
All because of
Beavis And Butt-head here.
Hey, hey. Don't blame Beavis.
This is all Butt-head's fault.
[imitating Butt-head]
Huh-huh huh-huh huh-huh.
Okay. Okay. Come on.
It didn't work out so bad.
It's a.. It's a great game,
and everyone's having fun.
[indistinct chatter]
Yeah, right.
Well...not everyone.
- I'll get it.
- Yeah, I'll go..
- Excuse me.
- I'll go with you.
No, I'll stay and watch
the rest of the game.
Hey, Michelle.
Hey, listen, you and I have
to have a little talk, okay?
I'm sorry. I know you're
a little disappointed
about not going
to the science museum today.
A little disappointed?
I was a little disappointed
when they stopped
making the McRib.
Right now,
I'm a lot disappointed.
Okay, a lot disappointed.
Okay, I can deal with that.
Alright.
I know.
[sighs]
Michelle..
...sometimes things
don't always work out
the way you planned.
You're just gonna have to
learn how to handle that.
Do you understand,
sweetheart?
I think so, like if someone
wanna watch the Super Bowl
but promised
to do something else
they should learn
how to handle that?
Ooh. This little lesson
just took an unexpected turn.
[sighs]
Yeah, I guess I was
a little selfish, huh?
I guess so.
[dramatic music]
Oh, boy. I ruined your day.
I ruined everyone's day
just 'cause I was
obsessed about, uh,
silly old football game.
I don't get it. What's the
big deal with the Super Bowl?
Well, it's exciting. It's fun.
It's the biggest day
of aerosol cheese consumption
in the world.
Uh, but that's no excuse.
The most important thing
is keeping a promise..
I apologize, Michelle.
I'm sorry.
Hey, look, let's forget
about the Super Bowl.
If we hurry, we can
get over to the museum
and learn about the atom
and still have time
to make fun of Einstein's hair.
Thanks, Joey, but I think
it's too late.
Maybe we can go next week.
Deal.
Early in the morning?
Sure, why not?
For the whole day?
Till they throw us out.
Good. I think we understand
each other now.
I think so.
But later tonight I want you
to think about our little talk.
I'll be thinking.
- 'Touchdown!'
- 'Yeah!'
[cheering]
Ooh, boy, that sounded
like a big play.
Well, it is the Super Bowl.
- What are we waiting for?
- Let's go! Come on!
It's the Super Bowl.
[instrumental music]
[indistinct chatter]
♪ Ah ah ah ah ♪♪