[instrumental music]
Oh, I love the smell
of a shoe sale in the morning.
Yeah. A store full of shoes
and dad's credit card.
It's like winning a lottery.
- Hi, ladies, can I help you?
- Yeah.
I need new shoes. It's getting
kinda crowded down here.
Well, let's have a look.
See, my clogs are all clogged.
Well, actually,
we are all looking
to spruce up the old dogs.
[gasps]
Excuse me a minute.
Those dogs should
be put to sleep.
Um, excuse me,
miss, but, uh..
...we reserve the right
to refuse service to those feet.
I don't get it. I've never
even been in this shoe store.
Bad smells travels fast.
I like these shoes.
Oh, well, let's step over
here, see what size you are.
I like those shoes.
Let's see your foot.
[sighs]
Size 13.
My, my, for a little girl,
you certainly have, uh..
...very, shall we say
healthy feet.
He said, I have healthy feet.
That's just a nice
way of saying big.
You've grown two
sizes this year.
Is that a lot?
Not for Bigfoot.
Looks like all your little
piggy's went to market
and stopped at Sizzler
on the way home.
Look on
the bright side, Michelle
by the time you
get to high school
you'll be able
water ski without skis.
My feet aren't that big.
Oh, yeah?
Uh, excuse me.
Do you have this
for Michelle, in a larger size?
Very funny.
[theme music]
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Everywhere.. ♪
♪ There's a heart ♪
♪ A hand to hold on to ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Everywhere ♪
♪ There's a face
of somebody who needs you ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ When you're lost out
there and you're all alone ♪
♪ A light is waitin'
to carry you home ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Chity chi bob botta ♪♪
[instrumental music]
Alright, boys,
it's time to go to sleep.
But first, we've got
a special treat for ya.
Guys, we used to do this for
Michelle, when she was your age.
And the tradition continues.
Lullabies,
the next generation.
Alright, gentlemen,
start your vocal cords.
♪ Hello ♪
(all)
Hello!
Good song.
Okay. Well, that,
that wasn't the song, son.
Well, what we are
waiting for?
[Jesse singing
"Return To Pooh Corner"]
♪ Christopher Robin
and I walked along ♪
♪ Under branches
lit up by the moon ♪
♪ Posing our questions
to Owl and Eeyore ♪
♪ As our days disappeared
all too soon ♪
♪ Now I've wandered much
further today than I should ♪
♪ And I can't seem to find
my way back to the wood ♪
♪ So help me if you
can I've got to get ♪
♪ Back to the house
at Pooh Corner by one ♪
♪ You'd be surprised
there's so much to be done ♪
♪ Count all the bees
in the hive ♪
Oh, I love this song.
♪ Chase all the clouds
from the sky ♪
♪ Chase all clouds away ♪
♪ Pooh ♪♪
Oh, that's Pooh alright.
One more time.
Oh, no, no more time, guys.
It's bed time now.
Alright. Come on.
Time to go to bed.
- Come on.
- Alright, in you go.
Goodnight, son.
- Ready, boys.
- Yeah.
♪ Goodnight ♪
♪ Goodnight ♪♪
- Nighty night.
- Goodnight, boys.
- Goodnight.
- Goodnight, sweetie.
Goodnight.
I love you.
We sounded great,
didn't we?
Uh, yeah, yeah,
we sounded, uh..
Oh, we-we sounded like we never
sounded before, right, boys?
We've-we've never
sounded like that.
That was a whole new sound.
You know what,
we should do this every day.
Two shows on Saturday,
bedtime and naptime.
Maybe we could even start like
our own little
family singing group.
Like the Osmond's.
Goodnight,
Donnie, Jimmy, Tito.
Gentlemen, we've
got a big problem.
What would that
big problem be?
Uh, did you
hear her voice?
She sounds like
a cat in Cuisinart.
That's not a big problem.
A big problem
is like, if, um..
Well, if-if like
your butt fell off.
What?
Well, you'd-you'd be totally
out of the mooing business.
- Sit down.
- Okay. Alright.
The point is that
we worked too hard
on those harmonies,
you know.
I mean, the thought
of Becky butchering
those songs every day.
And twice on Saturdays, it's a..
Guys, I don't think
it's gonna work.
Well, why don't we, uh,
give her a tambourine
and stick her in the back, like
Paul McCartney did with Linda?
No, no-no, you know what,
I-I'm just gonna teach her
to sing on-key or in a key.
How about in the Florida Keys?
I don't know, Jess, you know,
trying to teach something
to someone in your family
can be really touchy.
Becky won't even know
she's been taught.
I'll tell her, we're
working on some harmonies
for that little song that
we're doing and if she learns
how to sing in
the process, well then..
...thank God.
Comet, this book has
all the world records in it.
Biggest head.
Biggest ears.
Here it is,
biggest feet.
Oh, no!
That's what I'm gonna
look like someday.
[whimpers]
Hi, Michelle.
Hmm. "Children's
Book of World Records."
What are you reading about?
Uh, the worlds biggest...tomato.
How big is it?
Too big.
By now, it's probably
a case of ketchup.
[laughing]
I'm going to sleep.
Boy, I got to get
some new big tomato material.
See you
in the morning, Michelle.
[instrumental music]
(female #1)
Bigfoot. Bigfoot. Bigfoot.
Bigfoot. Bigfoot. Big..
You've grown
two sizes this year.
Healthy feet,
healthy feet, healthy feet.
You'll be able
to water ski without skis.
Do you have this for Michelle,
in a larger size?
[all laughing]
[thinking]
I'm home.
Oh, good, Michelle's home.
I hope she had better day
than yesterday.
That carpool
is getting ridiculous.
Twenty clowns
in one Volkswagen.
Well, you must have had
a nice day, you're smiling.
How many times do
I have to tell you..
...it's painted on.
Uncle Jesse, can you
help me with these shoes?
I don't know whether to use
a shoehorn or the jaws of life.
Alright. Come up here.
You ready?
One, two, three.
Have mercy!
(together)
Yikes.
Michelle, those puppies
are getting huge.
What are you using,
Desenex or Miracle Grow?
Daddy.
[crunch]
Ow! Michelle.
You got to put a wide-load
sign on those babies.
Sorry. Daddy, why can't
I go back to school?
Oh, sweetheart.
We talked about this before.
The last time you were there
you were playing hopscotch
and you squished the janitor.
And I don't have
to remind you about
that near-fatal
hokey-pokey accident.
Yeah, you put your left foot in,
you took everybody out.
Let's take a ride
on Michelle's feet.
Hmm, sorry, boys.
Last time you slipped between
her toes and got lost.
Hey, Pauline Bunion.
I, uh, I picked up
a little foot powder
to get you through the weekend.
Oh, and father of the freak
you owe me 412 smackaroonies.
Great.
Maybe we can make
some money back.
Michelle, trim your toenails.
We'll sell the clippings
as boomerangs.
Michelle, I-I swear,
your-your feet
are getting
bigger every minute.
No, they are not.
Oh, no, they're
growing again.
[Michelle screaming]
They're out of control!
Run for your life.
[all screaming]
Wait! Don't go!
'Somebody help me!
They're growing like crazy!'
[all screaming]
Joey, do something.
Uh, I got it.
Let's tickle it.
Stop it. Stop it.
That tickles.
Stop it. Stop it.
Stop it! Stop it!
Oh, thank goodness.
It was just a dream.
[screaming]
[screaming continues]
Michelle, Michelle, wake up.
You're having a bad dream.
That's what I thought
but it is not, it's real.
Look.
Oh, so you ate
cookies in bed.
We've all done it.
Now relax, you're fine.
I'm not fine.
I'm a big foot freak.
[instrumental music]
- Hi, Michelle.
- Hi, Lisa.
What are you doing,
you were supposed
to meet us at
the park today.
- Are you sick?
- Yeah.
- I'm sick of these feet.
- Well, you better get over it.
You're stuck with them
for the rest of your life.
Don't you see?
They're growing like crazy.
Really?
- Are they growing right now?
- Get back.
These things can
take an eye out.
This is what they're
gonna look like.
Gross.
They look like
two Buicks with toes.
But it'll look good on you.
What am I gonna do?
I know how
we can shrink 'em.
- Will it hurt?
- Don't worry.
I won't feel a thing.
[piano music]
- Hi, honey.
- Hi.
Oh, Jess, you know what?
I made up a list of songs that
our group can sing to the boys.
Oh, dynamite,
dynamite, dynamite stuff.
But, um, I figured,
why don't, why don't we work
a little bit on the song
we sang last night, you know?
You see, I've-I've written
you a special little part.
Oh, you didn't have
to write me a special part.
I'd be fine singing
whatever pops into my head.
Oh, it's whatever pops
out of your mouth that
we should work on.
Come over here. Come over here.
Now remember the part,
"chase the clouds away?"
[Jesse clears throat]
We do it a little lower.
♪ Chase the clouds away ♪
♪ Chase ♪
♪ Chaset the clouds away ♪
♪ Chase chase chase ♪♪
Close, that's very close.
Can I give you just
this one little, little tip?
Oh, sure, go ahead.
Tip away.
It's your posture. I think
it's your just one little tip.
But I think it's your posture.
You need to...you know what?
Actually, I just thought
of a second one.
Uh, it's your posture
and your diaphragm.
You have to breathe,
breathe from your dia..
You know, I just,
see, boom, I just think
and a third one just came out.
You have to enunciate.
You see, you have to enunciate.
- Enunciate.
- That's it. Very good.
Got it.
Okay. Uh, let's try
this little, little exercise.
♪ May mee my moe moo ♪♪
Try that.
[off-tune]
♪ May mee my moe moo ♪♪
Okay. Uh, well, let's see,
one more time, if we, if we can.
♪ May mee my moe moo ♪
[off-key]
♪ May mee my moe moo ♪
From your diaphragm.
♪ May mee my moe moo ♪
Now you're not standing up.
♪ May mee my moe moo ♪
Enunciate.
♪ May mee my moe moo ♪
Diaphragm. Stand up..
♪ May mee my moe moo ♪
♪ May mee my moe moo ♪♪
Jess, Jess,
Jess, stop it! Stop it!
What are you trying to do?
Giving me a singing lesson?
No.
No. No. No.
Uh, no, it's not, it's not, it's
not a singing lesson per se.
It's more of a..
...a singing tip, tip session.
Alright, fine.
So I'm not the best singer.
I don't peel
the paint off the walls.
No, but the-the beams
are starting to buckle.
Okay. So I don't have
the greatest voice.
I'm not hurting anybody.
Well, see, that's,
that's where we disagree.
You see, as a, as a professional
musician, I-I rely on my ear.
And, uh, if my ears
exposed to, uh
to sound that, that, that, uh..
Uh, I mean this in a nice way
sounds like, like a fork
in a garbage disposal
it could ruin said ear.
I'd like to whomp
you upside said ear.
Beck, don't get
so emotional.
It's-it's just
a little criticism.
How would you like it
if I criticized you?
Well, I'm sure I can take it
if I had any faults
to criticize.
Well, Mr. Overmoussed, two hours
in front of the mirror
hair accouterment, per se, have
mercy, Hell's Angel dropout
overcritical Elvis wannabe
handle that.
Not bad for your
first lesson...honey.
Are you sure this
really shrinks stuff?
They call it shrink wrap.
And it'll keep my feet
fresh for up to five days.
Just to be sure,
we'd better use the ice too.
Why the ice?
My brother once got
this big bump on his head..
He accidently
ran into my fist.
My mom put ice on it.
And it completely shrunk.
His head?
No. The bump.
Are you really
going to do this?
[gasps]
Aah! It's freezing.
"And they lived
happily ever after."
Sing us a song, mama.
Oh, you don't want
to hear me sing.
It might
buckle the beams.
No, it won't.
Please, mama?
Oh, now how can
I say no to that?
[on-key]
♪ Winnie the pooh ♪
♪ Doesn't know what to do ♪
♪ Got a honey jar
stuck on his.. ♪
What?
- Nose.
Nose.
♪ He came to me asking
help and advice ♪
♪ And.. ♪♪
Sing more, mama.
You're the bestest.
Ah, thanks, but I don't think
everyone feels that way.
No, you boys are right.
Your mom sounds beautiful.
Jess, you said I sound
like grinding flatware.
Well, that's 'cause
I wasn't listening.
I mean, I was hearing the notes
but I wasn't feeling
the love behind 'em.
I'm sorry, Beck.
I'm sorry, too.
I said some pretty mean things.
Hair and the motorcycle
and Elvis wannabe s--
No need to relive that.
Apology accepted.
I guess criticism
hurts more when
it comes from
someone you love.
Yeah, 'cause when it comes
from someone you don't like
you can just, you know,
knock 'em upside the head.
- Forgive me?
- Am I still in the group?
- Absolutely.
- You're forgiven.
Kiss her already.
All they just do
is talk, talk, talk.
What are you
doin' over here?
You tell me
kiss here, then you..
Four-way kiss.
Ready? Mm. Four-way. Mm.
- Are they s-s-smaller?
- No.
But they're bluer.
Michelle, what are you doing?
That's ice water.
D-d-duh.
What are you doing?
Making a bunion slurpee?
Get out of there.
No. I'm not d-done.
- Yes, you are.
- No!
[indistinct chattering]
Okay, okay, okay! Go to your
neutral corners, please.
Oh, that's where
all the ice went.
I'm over here drinking
a warm Sarsaparilla.
Dad, Michelle was soaking
her feet in ice water.
Michelle, your feet
are wrapped in plastic.
There's a bucket
of ice water on the floor.
I can only guess
what's been going on up here.
I'm trying to shrink my feet.
Ooh, I would've been right.
Michelle, where would you
get a crazy idea like that?
Well, got to go.
Michelle, why the heck would
you want to shrink your feet.
Because I'm a freak. They're
growing two sizes in a year.
Honey, you're just going
through a growth spurt.
What would make you
think you're a freak?
Uh, dad, we might have helped
with that freak scenario.
We were kinda givin' Michelle
a hard time at the shoe store.
What did you say to her?
Oh, standard foot humor.
Something about
Bigfoot and water skis.
Yeah, and her feet
being so big they looked
like two beaver tails
with laces.
You never said that.
Actually, I just
thought of it.
Figured I better use it
or lose it.
But, um, anyway,
I'm really sorry, Michelle.
It was kinda out of control.
Yeah, I'm sorry too.
We shouldn't have
teased you like that.
You know, sometimes
little teasing
can blow things out
of proportion for a little kid.
I remember,
when I was your age
I was the tallest kid
in my class
everybody used
to call me "freckle shins."
"Freckle shins?"
And there's a connection
between that and your height?
See what happened was, I would
grow but my pants wouldn't.
So what-what I had was
a situation where
there was this big gap
between my socks
and the bottom of my pants.
So what you saw, well,
you know, you get the picture.
Unfortunately, yes.
Well, the point is,
look, I was afraid
I was gonna grow up
to be some kinda giant.
So, I used walk
around hunched over
hoping I'd look shorter.
And what I looked like
was a giant question mark.
Well, your tall,
but you're not a giant.
And your feet might be a tiny
bit big, but they're normal.
Honey, everybody
has something about themselves
they're not
completely happy with it.
Yeah, just-just take a look
at me for instance, Michelle.
My head is shaped like a toe.
No. It's not.
Let him finish, Michelle.
This should be good.
You see, when I was
growing up, uh
everybody called me toe-head.
Joey, toe-head
is an expression
that people use
to describe kids..
...with very blond hair.
Get completely out of here.
Joey, it's true. We were
called that all the time.
You see, Michelle,
your-your own imagination
or sheer ignorance..
...can make things seem a lot
worse than they really are.
I guess my feet
aren't that bad.
When they're
not all pruney.
Believe me, honey, you
are a beautiful, normal child
and you are going to grow up
to be a beautiful, normal adult.
- You promise?
- I promise.
So you guys..
...are basically saying
that-that my head's
not shaped like a toe, I..
I always thought I had
this ingrown forehead and..
Yeah, you know, now that you
mentioned, I can, I can kinda
picture a big sandal
on your head.
Yeah, and you do kind
of have this hang-eyebrow.
Now you've crossed
the line. No, no.
♪ Ahhh ahh ahh ahhh ♪♪
[theme music]
[Michelle screaming]