[theme music]
- Michelle! Michelle!
What is it guys?
We made up a joke, Michelle.
Lay it on me, boys.
Who have four legs
and barks?
A dog?
She heard it.
[theme music]
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Everywhere ♪
♪ There's a heart ♪
♪ A hand to hold on to ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Everywhere ♪
♪ There's a face ♪
♪ Of somebody who needs you ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ When you're lost out there ♪
♪ And you're all alone ♪
♪ A light is waiting
to carry you home ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Ah ah ah ♪
♪ Dooby do ba ba dow ♪♪
[instrumental music]
[guitar music]
Very good! Center ringer!
Center ringer, girls!
You see, that stuff I taught
you, you could play a 100 songs
if you master
three simple chords.
Yeah, you're already
way ahead of "AC/DC."
And you know what?
I'm impressed, Gia.
You're pretty good
on that bass there.
Thanks. I taught myself.
Now I can drown my mom out
when she sweating to the oldies.
You know, we're having
so much fun playing together
we're thinking
of starting a band.
Did you hear that?
My little niece
startin' her first band.
Followin' the foot steps
of Uncle J.
I'm so proud of you,
you know, I-I was about your age
when I started
my first band, it was, um..
It was me,
Little Ed, uh, Big Ed
and, uh, Regular Size Ed.
They didn't have
a lot of names back then.
You know,
if you guys are serious
you can sing up for our,
Wake Up San Francisco
Young Talent Search.
We'd be perfect for that.
We're young.
We're talented..
Your search is over.
Well, I'll tell you what, if you
get a band together in a week
we'll give you a shot.
A week?
Yeah, well,
all you need is, uh
keyboard player,
a drummer, and..
...maybe a couple of Ed's.
I'll give you
a couple of Ed's.
[Becky screams]
No, no, no. What you need
is what I had in my band.
You need a..
You need a guiding force.
You know, you need
a, uh, mentor, uh..
A musical genius, if you will?
That kinda push
you guys and inspire
and, motivate,
you know what I'm sayin'?
Which Ed was that?
It was me. Ha.
You mean you wanna be,
like, our manager?
Oh, Steph,
where would you get
a whacky, nutty,
madcap idea like that?
- From you.
- I accept.
Oh, that'd be great!
Hey, you know
what'd be really cool?
It's if we have,
like, an all girl band.
- Kinda like the "Go-go's."
- That'd be good.
Yeah, you know,
Melissa Morgan plays the drums.
She'd be prefect.
She has no life.
All we need now
is a keyboard player.
I don't know anyone.
Yeah, neither do I.
Well, I-I-I know
one keyboard player
but, um, you guys
would have to have a, uh
pretty, open-mind
about this one.
How open?
W-well..
[keyboard music]
Charge!
Well-well, she may
not be Billy Joel
but she knows how
to get a crowd going.
Going where?
To the nearest exit?
Steph, right now,
she's all we got.
But you don't
know her like I do.
She's rude, crude and lewd.
That's perfect!
Let's rock 'n' roll!
[off key music]
Hold it!
Hey! Hey! Hey!
Hey! Hold it!
Hold it, Ringo.
The cymbal!
Please, people, now if
you're gonna be in a band
and you're gonna play a song,
play the same song.
Now, who can read music?
'Anyone?'
My father can.
We've got a lot of work to do,
gather around, gather around
gather around.
[indistinct chatter]
- Hey, honey.
- Hey.
(D.J.)
'Hi.'
How's your
homework comin'?
I just made $6000.
Doing homework?
All I used
to get was a stamp
with a little
happy-face on it.
Joey, it's-it's
not real money.
She's doing
an economics project.
Wow.
Yeah, we started two weeks ago
with 5000 fictitious dollars.
We, uh, choose stocks
and make fictitious investments.
I am halfway
to a fictitious Miata.
So far everything
I've picked has been a winner.
Hmm.
Looks like
my cholesterol chart.
So, Deej, you got
any hot tips for us?
Well..
- Just between us.
- Yeah.
Today I invested all my money
in Glamo Toys.
Glamo Toys?
[Comet whines]
Ssh. There're spies everywhere.
I guess so.
You know somethin'
Danny, I think
D.J.'s on
to somethin' here.
You and I should invest some
real dollars in Glamo Toys.
Joey, I don't think so.
The stock market is too risky.
I don't even take
a chance when I play Monopoly.
I just pass, go,
I ride the railroad
if I land on
Take a Chance, I quit.
Danny, what risk?
I mean, D.J. obviously knows
what she's doin'.
Look at all these
charts and graphs.
Come on. You and I
will be partners.
- Ah, maybe you're right.
- Yeah.
I'm tired of always
sitting on the side lines
watching other
people get rich.
I completely
missed out on the '80s.
Great, I got some money
stashed away in my belch jar.
Your belch jar?
Yeah, my belch jar. Every time
I belch, I drop a quarter in it.
Let me just say
that I am one burrito away
from owning my own condo.
You should own
your own suburb by now.
[instrumental music]
♪ I saw the sign ♪
♪ And it opened up my eyes ♪
♪ I saw the sign ♪
♪ No one's gonna drag you up ♪
♪ To get into the light
where you belong ♪
♪ I saw the sign ♪
♪ I saw the si-ign ♪
♪ I saw the sign ♪
♪ I saw the si-i-ign ♪
♪ I saw the sign ♪
♪ And it opened up my eyes
I saw the sign ♪♪
- Very good.
- 'Okay, okay.'
So how were we?
I mean, how were they?
Now-now, bear in mind we've
only been working for a few days
but they're all playing
the same song, and, the same key
in the same room.
Listen, you know what,
Danny, I think that we found
some contestants
for Wake Up San Francisco's
Young Talent Search.
- Alright!
- Great!
Absolutely, you-you guys..
You-you were..
You were total,
You were deaf, you were fresh
you were chillin',
you were flyin'..
You kids, uh, actually use
any of those hip words still?
Yeah, we do.
But I'm gonna stop.
Alright, grown-ups,
come on, out of the room.
Let's go. We gotta
rehearse some more.
- Thank you.
- Alright. Have fun, you guys.
Alright, guys, let's
take it from the top.
Come on,
Uncle Slavedriver.
Can't we take a break?
We've been
rehearsing forever.
Look at this. My blisters
are getting blisters.
- I realize that--
- Come on! Please.
Guys, please,
if you wanna be a good band
you gotta rehearse,
rehearse, rehearse
until you get it perfect.
How can someone so mean
have such great hair?
Alright, what the heck?
Take five.
- Alright, let's hit the mall.
- Yeah.
We can pick out cool outfits
to wear for the contest.
Now, guys, I-I said five..
That's five minutes.
Alright, take ten minutes.
What the heck?
You said nice things
about my hair.
Or let's just call it lunch.
Let's just have a little lunch.
[indistinct chatter]
Okay, everybody,
let's work on our look.
It should be vulnerable,
yet tough.
Tougher!
Come on, Tanner, can't you
get any tougher than that?
Not without spraining my face.
- Let's work on our hair.
- Yeah.
We better go.
It could be contagious.
We're practicing how to pose
for our album cover.
Sorry, we thought
you had cooties.
Actually,
we're here because
we maybe of some assistance
to your ensemble.
Look, unless you're
here to help the band, get lost.
Kimmy, stay with me on this.
Derek and Lisa
are great singers.
If you let them in the band
you'd definitely
win the contest.
Excuse me when I say.
Bwaha ha ha ha.
I was afraid of this.
The risk of humiliation
has borne bitter fruit.
Alright, Michelle, you
and your friends, beat it.
I gotta work with the band.
You can start on
their personalities.
Alright, troops, break's over.
Let's hit the studio. Come on.
Uncle Jesse, we've already
got the music part down.
Now we need to work on our look.
You already got the look.
You look like four girls
who need to rehearse.
Look, I'm not gonna be on
the side of that stage callin'
out chords to you guys.
Oh, like we can't
remember three chords?
A, E..
...I, O, U.
Come on, Uncle Jesse,
what's the big deal?
Dad and Aunt Becky
said, we were great.
Yeah, they said
we were great--
Of course they did.
They're family.
I'm your manager.
I'm gonna tell you the truth.
The truth is you just
wanna boss us around.
The truth is, you guys
made a million mistakes.
- Now let's hit the studio.
- Name one.
Alright,
let's start with you.
You missed about three
or four chord changes.
You were flat
on the first verse.
Your guitar playing slowed
the whole song down--
I said one.
I mean, give us
a break, Uncle Jesse.
- It sounded, okay.
- 'Okay?'
Okay is not gonna cut it,
alright?
You guys aren't ready
to perform in front of people.
Now what you gotta do is,
practice over and over
and, over again, till you can
play this stuff in your sleep.
- Any other complains?
- Yeah, you have a bad attitude.
Well, that's because
you're a bad manager.
Steph, I don't..
I don't really need this.
- Well, we don't need you.
- Really?
So you guys are firing me?
We can't fire you!
You quit!
Kimmy, I'll handle this.
You know, Stephanie,
I'm sorry I got involved
in your little band
in the first place.
Not as sorry
as we are.
Yeah. Pack it up,
Uncle Hairboy.
You know, Kimmy, I think
I won't miss you most of all.
That's it.
Tanner's got the look!
[mellow music]
[instrumental music]
Hey, how'd our stocks do?
I'm checking right now, partner.
Glamo, Glamo! Glam..
Oh!
What?
Wh-what happened?
- It's down six points.
- That's awful.
Well, it could've
been a lot worse.
How?
I could've invested
as much money as you did.
Hey, guys, do you have
the business section?
I wanna see
how Glamo did.
You'll want
the obituaries.
It's down six points.
Whoa. Good thing no one
lost any real money.
- Right.
- Yeah.
- Good thing.
- It's a good thing.
So, uh..
...you think
you guys are ready?
Yeah. We practiced all day.
Oh, good, good, you worked
on the chord changes, huh?
No, we practiced
our choreography.
Steph, that's the last thing
you need to practice.
It was. Hair,
nails, choreography.
You had a full day.
I know what you're
thinkin', Uncle Jesse.
But we're
gonna show you.
And we're gonna be
great out here.
And you're gonna be sorry
about the way you treated us.
Well, I hope..
I hope that happens.
Greetings, music lovers.
Gibbler, you're late.
Sorry, Goldilocks. I was
pickin' up my new keyboard.
I got my two lackeys
luggin' it in right now.
Be careful, doofoids,
that thing's expensive.
Wow! Abusive
and inconsiderate.
You're gonna make someone
a great, first wife.
Kimmy, since you have
no visible means of support
and obviously no hope
of getting any.
Where'd you get
the money to get this?
Wise investin'.
Hey, Deej, I've been
following that Glamo stock.
I made a bundle.
What're you talkin' about? It
went down six points yesterday.
That's when I bought it,
at it's all time low.
It went up 20 points today.
So I sold it and made
a tidy, little profit.
Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!
♪ Heidy diddly ho
heidy diddy ho ♪♪
I've never seen you
so happy for Kimmy.
Oh, you still haven't. Joey
and I, we bought that stock.
We're gonna make a bundle!
♪ Heidy diddly ho
heidy diddy ho ♪♪
Dan-Danny, Danny.
Danny, th-the jig is up.
Look, I-I hate
to burst your bundle.
But I sold
that stock this morning.
Uh, this morning it was
at it's all time low.
[imitating Snagglepuss]
Exit, stage right even.
I am shocked.
I never thought you guys
would cheat off my homework.
Hey, Danny,
it's almost show time.
Ready to light up
that stage?
Now?
I am so depressed.
I can't be expected do
go out there and perform
right now like
some trained seal.
[upbeat music]
Hi, everybody.
I'm Danny Tanner.
I'm Rebecca Donaldson.
Welcome to Wake Up
San Francisco's
Young Talent Search.
Well, actually
the search is over
because all the young talent
is right here.
Oh, Gee, Becky,
thank you
you are too kind.
Yeah, actually I was talkin'
about the kids back stage.
So let's get
'em out here.
Our first contestant,
is Jennifer Robin.
[crowd applaud]
Excuse me, I work alone.
Okay.
[off key music]
[singing in Spanish]
[instrumental
"Turkey in the straw"]
[instrumental "When
The Saints Go Marching In"]
- We're next.
- You guys are gonna do great.
Uh-oh.
It's my stomach.
Mother made pork
pasta salad for lunch.
And I thought
it tasted a bit off.
I think you
just have stage fright.
How do you know?
You're not my therapist.
Next up, the musical styling's
of Lisa and Derek.
Thank you very much.
Come on, Derek.
I need a tums the size
of a hockey puck.
Derek, don't worry.
You'll be fine.
You're gonna blow
the roof off this place.
If you don't blow chunks first.
[instrumental
"Don't go breaking my heart"]
♪ Don't go breaking my heart ♪
♪ I couldn't if I tried ♪
♪ Oh honey if I get restless ♪
♪ Baby you're not that kind ♪
♪ Ooh ooh ♪
♪ Nobody knows it ♪
♪ Nobody knows ♪
♪ When I was down ♪
♪ I was your clown ♪
♪ Right from the start ♪
♪ I gave you my heart ♪
♪ Oh oh ♪
♪ I gave you my heart ♪
♪ So don't go breaking my ♪
♪ Heart ♪♪
[glass shatter]
(Danny)
'Derek and Lisa.'
Derek and Lisa..
...and, Joey.
Alright, that's-that's
tough one to follow
but you know what?
Somebody's gotta do it.
So let's give it up
for our final contestants..
Girl Talk!
Uncle Jesse,
you think they're ready?
How do I know? Wh-what do I look
like their manager or somethin'?
[instrumental
"I saw the sign"]
♪ I saw the sign ♪
♪ And it opened up my eyes
I saw the sign ♪
♪ Life's demanding
without understanding ♪
♪ I saw the sign ♪
♪ And it opened up my eyes
I saw the sign.. ♪♪
[off key music]
Cut! Cut! Cut.
Uh, sorry.
Slight technical problem.
You guys are supposed
to stay with me.
Yeah, we would if we
knew what you were playing.
Well, you guys let's just..
Uh, start from
where we left off, okay?
We all left off
in different places.
Let's just
pick it up, okay?
On three.
One, two three.
♪ I saw the sign ♪
♪ And it opened up my eyes
I saw the sign.. ♪♪
[off key music]
We bite.
Hope I can get my money
back on this outfit.
Wait, guys, come on!
[keyboard music]
Tough crowd.
Well, that was
a really, really
really good try.
Uh, let's give it up
for Girl Talk.
(Danny)
'Alright.'
Thank you.
And the winners are..
...Lisa Lipra
and Derek Espoy.
[crowd cheering]
Thank you, thank you.
We owe it all to our manager,
Michelle Tanner.
Hi, Steph.
Listen, uh..
...we need to talk.
Why bother? I know
what you're gonna say.
You missed your chord changes.
Your singing was flat.
You have no business
being out there.
You made a total fool
of yourself.
Keep going,
I'm not finished.
It's not funny, Uncle Jesse!
You know,
I hope you're happy.
'Cause this was the most
humiliating night of my life.
Just leave me alone.
Steph, who're you
really angry at here?
Myself.
For not listening to you.
Now we're
getting somewhere.
And you for picking on me.
Picking? I-I prefer
to call it motivating.
Call it what you want.
You made me feel terrible.
You know, I guess
I was a little hard on you.
I'm sorry. It's just that..
You know, what happened tonight
was exactly I was afraid of.
You know, you goin' up there on
stage for your very first time
and being humiliated.
The same thing
happened to me.
I'll bet you didn't
bomb like we did.
Ho, ho, ho, ho.
It was our sixth grade
talent show, alright?
It was me, the three Eds.
You know those guys.
And all we were concerned about,
of course, was our hair, right?
So we're back before
the show, greasin' up.
Gettin' all greasy,
ready to go, right?
I can't hold on
to my drumsticks
my hands are so greasy.
So I'm gettin' ready
to wipeouts, you know..
Phoomph! Stick goes flying
I wipeout Little Ed.
Are you making that up
to make me feel better?
No.
But does it?
Kinda.
I guess, we should've
practiced a little more.
Guess you should've
practiced a lot more.
Listen, Steph,
you can't succeed, uh..
...at anything in life,
you know.
Whether it be a band,
or a school
or whatever you're
doing at the time
without workin' very hard
and having discipline.
Yeah, guess there's
more to being in a band
than just looking great.
Although, we did
look great.
Oh, yeah. You looked
really, really good.
But you did pay some
major dues tonight.
Really? Like what?
Well, you won't have to go
through your first performance
again and...luckily
neither will the audience.
Listen, I hope I, uh..
I hope I didn't turn
you off to music.
'Cause you do have
some natural talent.
Thanks, Uncle Jesse.
That really
means a lot to me.
Well, listen, I-I'm happy
to help you anytime you want.
But not as your manager,
as your-as your uncle.
How much percentage
does an uncle get?
I'm proud of you.
Let's get out.
And see what's happening.
♪ Ah ah ah ah ♪♪
[theme music]
[music continues]