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[theme music]
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Come on, Michelle. We're
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supposed to do the dishes.
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Start without me.
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Hey. Jacks.
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Gosh, I was never
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any good at that.
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Really? Want to play?
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Loser does the dishes.
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Well, call me
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a sucker, but okay.
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Whoever picks up the most jacks
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in once bounce wins.
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I'll go first.
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Wow. Four jacks.
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That's going to be
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hard to beat.
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Well, here it goes.
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Wow, what do you know?
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I got 'em all.
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You tricked me.
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Don't forget to dry.
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You see, Comet..
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...you don't mess
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with The Kid.
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♪ Everywhere you look ♪
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♪ Everywhere you look ♪
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♪ There's a heart ♪
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♪ There's a heart ♪
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♪ A hand to hold on to ♪
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♪ Everywhere you look ♪
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♪ Everywhere you look ♪
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♪ There's a face ♪
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♪ Of somebody
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who needs you ♪
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♪ Everywhere you look ♪
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♪ When you're
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lost out there ♪
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♪ And you're all alone ♪
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♪ A light is waiting
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to carry you home ♪
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♪ Everywhere you look ♪
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♪ Everywhere you look ♪
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♪ Doobie doo ba ba da ♪♪
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[instrumental music]
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Hey, Deej, remember that guy
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I was telling you about
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Ryan, captain of
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the track team?
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You finally talked to him?
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Well, almost. I dropped my
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pencil, and he picked it up.
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- And?
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- He kept it.
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You didn't say anything?
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I tried to.
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I mean my brain said "speak".
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But my mouth was too busy
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grinning like an idiot.
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Why don't you invite him
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to that upcoming dance?
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Invite him?
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No, that would
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require talking
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and my mouth is just
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not co-operating.
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- Write him a note.
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- He's got my pencil.
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Hey, Steph, that food drive
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at your school
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is about to get
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a major donation.
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I just hit the mother load.
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You cleaned out
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the cupboards?
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Nope. Joey's footlocker.
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There was a layer
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of underpants
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and then nothing
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but spam.
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Okay, Mr. Katsopolis.
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We're almost finished.
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Okay.
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There shouldn't be
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any problem
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with your new
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life insurance policy.
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- I just need a check your--
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- Okay, check away.
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I'm in excellent health.
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You know, heart strong,
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lungs clear
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hair...perfect.
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[air hissing]
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- Hmm.
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- Hmm. What "hmm"?
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Split ends?
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Your blood pressure
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is a little over average.
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Oh. Why, thank you.
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I've, uh, always prided myself
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as being a cut above.
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Actually it's not really
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a good thing.
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Have you been under
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any stress lately?
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Are you kidding?
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Mr. Rogers watches me to relax.
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[Velcro crackling]
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Jess, you have been under
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stress lately.
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What are you
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talking about?
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Well, your radio show
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lost its biggest advertiser.
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S-so?
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Well, I didn't want to mention
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the letter from IRS.
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What letter?
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The one I don't
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want to mention.
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Well, they just had a little
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problem with you
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claiming your hair dryer
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as a dependent.
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It's got its own room.
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- Mr. Katsopolis.
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- Huh? What?
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I'll check your blood pressure
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again next week.
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But if it stays
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at this level
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I'm afraid the company is gonna
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ask for a pretty high premium.
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If I were you I would take some
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quiet time and try to relax.
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- Thank you very much.
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- You're quite welcome.
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Relax, relax, nothing makes me
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more nervous
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than someone telling me
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to relax.
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Honey, you need to do something
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to-to try to reduce
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your stress level.
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You have to take care
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of yourself.
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Come on, I want us to grow
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old and gray together.
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How about just old?
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'cause long as I have a squeeze
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bottle and some rubber gloves
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just call me Blackie.
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- Blackie.
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- Hey, hey.
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- See you later, Steph.
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- See you later.
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There's Ryan.
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If you're really going to ask
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him to the dance
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here's your chance.
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Go for it, Tanner.
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I can't do this.
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Oh, come on, Steph,
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he's only a guy.
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They're just like us except
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they pants each other.
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Yeah. You're right.
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Okay, I-I can do this.
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Alright.
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Here goes nothing.
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- Yeah?
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- Um-ahem.
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[clears throat]
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Are you choking?
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No, I-I just, um..
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[clears throat]
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Um, I was wondering
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if-if you'd like to go
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to the dance with me?
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Y-you're asking me
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to the dance?
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Yeah, u-unless you
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don't want to
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in which case
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I'd like my pencil back.
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Your pencil?
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N-never mind. See yeah.
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Wait.
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I'll go to the dance
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with you.
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Really?
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Wow. Great. Bye.
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It might help if you
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told me your name.
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Uh, yeah, i-it might.
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Well, I'm Stephanie
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Judith Tanner.
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And I live at
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1882 Girard street.
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And, uh, my turnoffs are smoking
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and open-toed shoes.
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But if I keep going on
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we'll have nothing to talk
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about at the dance.
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Bye.
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Ah-h, yes.
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Ah-h, yes.
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See, boys, not only do I relax
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by building the hammock
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but here's the beauty of it,
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once I've built it
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I can relax in the thing
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that I built.
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- Oh-h.
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- Oh-h.
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Do you know what he said?
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No. Just keep nodding.
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Hey, Jess, you and I
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need to talk.
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Unless what you're gonna say
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will help me relax
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I don't want to hear it.
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Now, all I have to do this place
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the final cap on
226
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and I will be relaxing
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in my hammock
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peaceful and serene.
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- Ho-ho?
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- Out of the hammock!
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Sheesh, what a grouch
232
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eh, boys?
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Let's go.
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Alex. Trixie.
235
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Will you..?
236
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Alex. Trixie.
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[gasps]
238
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Finally. Ah-h.
239
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Some peace..
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...and quiet.
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[bagpipe plays]
242
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Gibbler!
243
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Greetings, Hair Meister.
244
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What are you killing
245
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back there?
246
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I'm practicing
247
00:07:03,840 --> 00:07:05,466
the bagpipes
248
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for the Scottish
249
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music festival at the school.
250
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That's not
251
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a Scottish accent.
252
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I didn't say I was
253
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practicing my accent.
254
00:07:15,518 --> 00:07:17,812
Don't get your kilt
255
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in a knot, Mac-Greasy.
256
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The festival
257
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is next week.
258
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After that, this place'll be
259
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quieter than Loch Ness.
260
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Yeah, but I'll still be stuck
261
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with the monster.
262
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I can't wait
263
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a week to relax.
264
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Or take your bagpipes
265
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and blow.
266
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Don't mind if I do.
267
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[playing bagpipe]
268
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Alright. Two can play
269
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this game, Gibbler.
270
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Two!
271
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[bagpipe playing]
272
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See, Joseph, I've programmed
273
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all kinds
274
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of sampled sounds
275
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into my keyboard.
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I'm gonna blow Gibbler
277
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right out of the water.
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You know, Jess,
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this can't possibly be
280
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good for your
281
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blood pressure.
282
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You should think about
283
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having a Ho-ho.
284
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I find that sucking out
285
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the cream filling
286
00:08:01,522 --> 00:08:04,151
is just doggone
287
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relaxing.
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Joseph, and I mean this
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in the nicest way
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shut your ho-ho hole.
291
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Ho-ho hole secured, sir!
292
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Alright, now..
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...watch the master.
294
00:08:18,957 --> 00:08:20,875
[car alarm]
295
00:08:20,917 --> 00:08:22,627
[British police siren]
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00:08:26,340 --> 00:08:28,800
Hey, I'm trying
297
00:08:26,340 --> 00:08:28,800
practice, Moldy Locks.
298
00:08:28,842 --> 00:08:31,428
Oh, yeah?
299
00:08:31,470 --> 00:08:32,679
[jet engine roars]
300
00:08:34,806 --> 00:08:37,558
I'm warning you,
301
00:08:34,806 --> 00:08:37,558
cut out this racket right now.
302
00:08:37,600 --> 00:08:38,768
Or what?
303
00:08:38,810 --> 00:08:40,354
[jackhammer rattles]
304
00:08:42,730 --> 00:08:44,816
Fine. You want war?
305
00:08:42,730 --> 00:08:44,816
You got it.
306
00:08:46,234 --> 00:08:49,363
[bagpipe playing]
307
00:08:51,239 --> 00:08:53,450
[explosion]
308
00:08:56,703 --> 00:08:59,622
[chuckling]
309
00:09:04,169 --> 00:09:05,504
Okay, DJ.
310
00:09:05,545 --> 00:09:09,257
Hula-hoop. Loser feeds
311
00:09:05,545 --> 00:09:09,257
Comet for a week.
312
00:09:09,299 --> 00:09:11,510
Am I playing you
313
00:09:09,299 --> 00:09:11,510
or Comet?
314
00:09:11,551 --> 00:09:12,969
Me.
315
00:09:13,011 --> 00:09:14,054
Well, in that case
316
00:09:14,095 --> 00:09:15,847
let's make it two weeks.
317
00:09:17,307 --> 00:09:18,433
Thank you, Comet.
318
00:09:18,475 --> 00:09:20,560
Let me just
319
00:09:18,475 --> 00:09:20,560
de-slobberize this.
320
00:09:21,811 --> 00:09:23,230
Okay, Michelle.
321
00:09:21,811 --> 00:09:23,230
How do you want to do this?
322
00:09:23,271 --> 00:09:24,605
Neck..
323
00:09:26,816 --> 00:09:28,193
...waist..
324
00:09:31,238 --> 00:09:33,281
...or feet?
325
00:09:41,081 --> 00:09:43,917
What'll it be, Comet,
326
00:09:41,081 --> 00:09:43,917
kibbles or bits?
327
00:09:46,086 --> 00:09:48,088
Okay, Steph, first you do when
328
00:09:46,086 --> 00:09:48,088
you get to the dance
329
00:09:48,129 --> 00:09:49,339
is locate all the fire exits.
330
00:09:49,381 --> 00:09:51,007
Keep your eye on your coat
331
00:09:49,381 --> 00:09:51,007
the entire night
332
00:09:51,049 --> 00:09:53,427
and if the punch smells funny,
333
00:09:51,049 --> 00:09:53,427
don't drink it.
334
00:09:53,468 --> 00:09:55,595
But above all, have fun.
335
00:09:55,636 --> 00:09:58,681
You must have been
336
00:09:55,636 --> 00:09:58,681
a real party animal, dad.
337
00:09:58,723 --> 00:10:00,225
In my day.
338
00:10:00,267 --> 00:10:01,560
[clears throat]
339
00:10:03,186 --> 00:10:04,354
Let's see.
340
00:10:04,396 --> 00:10:07,357
My lipstick.
341
00:10:04,396 --> 00:10:07,357
My eyeliner. My blush.
342
00:10:07,399 --> 00:10:09,109
I hope my face
343
00:10:07,399 --> 00:10:09,109
has a good time tonight.
344
00:10:10,068 --> 00:10:11,319
What time's Ryan
345
00:10:10,068 --> 00:10:11,319
getting here?
346
00:10:11,361 --> 00:10:12,653
Well, he's supposed
347
00:10:11,361 --> 00:10:12,653
to pick me up at 7:00.
348
00:10:12,695 --> 00:10:16,575
So, um, i-it's 7:01.
349
00:10:12,695 --> 00:10:16,575
He's not coming.
350
00:10:16,616 --> 00:10:18,118
No, Steph.
351
00:10:16,616 --> 00:10:18,118
Don't panic.
352
00:10:18,159 --> 00:10:19,911
I'm sure he's just
353
00:10:18,159 --> 00:10:19,911
running late, honey.
354
00:10:19,953 --> 00:10:21,162
Yeah. You're right.
355
00:10:21,204 --> 00:10:24,040
I'll just, um...sit here
356
00:10:21,204 --> 00:10:24,040
and chill a while.
357
00:10:32,507 --> 00:10:34,175
[sighs]
358
00:10:42,434 --> 00:10:44,852
Whoa. Would you
359
00:10:42,434 --> 00:10:44,852
look at that?
360
00:10:44,894 --> 00:10:47,021
The entire New York
361
00:10:44,894 --> 00:10:47,021
skyline, huh?
362
00:10:48,482 --> 00:10:49,857
That's the World
363
00:10:48,482 --> 00:10:49,857
Trade Center
364
00:10:49,899 --> 00:10:52,569
and that must be
365
00:10:49,899 --> 00:10:52,569
the Chrysler building, huh?
366
00:10:53,945 --> 00:10:55,863
It's official.
367
00:10:55,905 --> 00:10:58,283
Ryan's not coming.
368
00:10:59,451 --> 00:11:01,453
Steph, you don't
369
00:10:59,451 --> 00:11:01,453
know that for sure.
370
00:11:01,495 --> 00:11:03,663
Dad, I was supposed to be
371
00:11:01,495 --> 00:11:03,663
home 10 minutes ago.
372
00:11:05,873 --> 00:11:08,668
Well, maybe
373
00:11:05,873 --> 00:11:08,668
something happened.
374
00:11:09,419 --> 00:11:11,546
Something did happen.
375
00:11:11,588 --> 00:11:13,881
I've been stood up.
376
00:11:24,601 --> 00:11:27,187
You know, I can't believe
377
00:11:24,601 --> 00:11:27,187
that track troll stood you up.
378
00:11:27,228 --> 00:11:29,397
I know, I mean if he didn't want
379
00:11:27,228 --> 00:11:29,397
to go to the dance with me
380
00:11:29,439 --> 00:11:31,191
he should've the guts to say so.
381
00:11:31,232 --> 00:11:33,276
There he is.
382
00:11:33,318 --> 00:11:34,902
I'm going to
383
00:11:33,318 --> 00:11:34,902
tell him off
384
00:11:34,944 --> 00:11:36,488
and if he doesn't
385
00:11:34,944 --> 00:11:36,488
have a good excuse
386
00:11:36,530 --> 00:11:38,281
you better put
387
00:11:36,530 --> 00:11:38,281
the nurse on-call.
388
00:11:41,868 --> 00:11:43,453
[chuckling]
389
00:11:49,459 --> 00:11:51,211
- Hey, Ryan.
390
00:11:49,459 --> 00:11:51,211
- Yeah?
391
00:11:51,252 --> 00:11:52,587
3:30, track practice.
392
00:11:52,629 --> 00:11:55,006
Alright.
393
00:11:55,048 --> 00:11:56,757
[indistinct chatter]
394
00:11:58,759 --> 00:12:00,928
Excuse me. Ryan?
395
00:12:01,762 --> 00:12:03,598
Very cool. Spam delivers.
396
00:12:04,723 --> 00:12:06,767
No, we don't.
397
00:12:04,723 --> 00:12:06,767
I mean, they don't.
398
00:12:06,809 --> 00:12:08,853
This is for the food drive.
399
00:12:08,895 --> 00:12:10,855
Ryan, I am, uh,
400
00:12:08,895 --> 00:12:10,855
Danny Tanner
401
00:12:10,897 --> 00:12:13,191
Stephanie Tanner's father.
402
00:12:13,233 --> 00:12:14,484
Oh, yeah.
403
00:12:14,526 --> 00:12:16,735
Listen, um,
404
00:12:14,526 --> 00:12:16,735
about the dance.
405
00:12:16,777 --> 00:12:18,154
All the guys
406
00:12:16,777 --> 00:12:18,154
on the track team
407
00:12:18,196 --> 00:12:20,114
decided to go
408
00:12:18,196 --> 00:12:20,114
to the movies and skip it.
409
00:12:20,156 --> 00:12:21,740
No big deal.
410
00:12:21,782 --> 00:12:23,535
Let me ask you this, if all
411
00:12:21,782 --> 00:12:23,535
the guys on the track team
412
00:12:23,577 --> 00:12:24,743
decided to shave
413
00:12:23,577 --> 00:12:24,743
their heads
414
00:12:24,785 --> 00:12:26,496
would you do that too?
415
00:12:26,538 --> 00:12:28,789
Well, we did last year
416
00:12:26,538 --> 00:12:28,789
before the state finals.
417
00:12:30,250 --> 00:12:32,293
Okay, bad example.
418
00:12:32,335 --> 00:12:34,962
Look, Mr. Tanner,
419
00:12:32,335 --> 00:12:34,962
it was nothing personal.
420
00:12:35,004 --> 00:12:36,631
Maybe not to you.
421
00:12:36,673 --> 00:12:38,675
You didn't see Stephanie sitting
422
00:12:36,673 --> 00:12:38,675
on the couch all by herself
423
00:12:38,717 --> 00:12:41,010
dressed up,
424
00:12:38,717 --> 00:12:41,010
no place to go.
425
00:12:41,052 --> 00:12:42,387
She took it
426
00:12:41,052 --> 00:12:42,387
pretty hard, huh?
427
00:12:42,429 --> 00:12:44,681
She was devastated.
428
00:12:44,723 --> 00:12:47,475
It broke my heart
429
00:12:44,723 --> 00:12:47,475
to see the tears in her eyes.
430
00:12:47,517 --> 00:12:49,810
Oh, I didn't think
431
00:12:47,517 --> 00:12:49,810
I'd make her cry.
432
00:12:49,852 --> 00:12:52,397
You didn't think about
433
00:12:49,852 --> 00:12:52,397
her feelings at all.
434
00:12:52,439 --> 00:12:54,315
Not only did you
435
00:12:52,439 --> 00:12:54,315
ruin her night
436
00:12:54,357 --> 00:12:57,985
but you missed out on getting to
437
00:12:54,357 --> 00:12:57,985
know a really terrific person.
438
00:12:58,027 --> 00:12:59,362
Maybe next time, Ryan,
439
00:12:58,027 --> 00:12:59,362
you should think
440
00:12:59,404 --> 00:13:01,072
about someone
441
00:12:59,404 --> 00:13:01,072
besides yourself.
442
00:13:03,116 --> 00:13:04,158
Now if you'll excuse me
443
00:13:04,200 --> 00:13:06,785
I've got canned meat
444
00:13:04,200 --> 00:13:06,785
to deliver.
445
00:13:11,790 --> 00:13:13,752
[instrumental music]
446
00:13:15,462 --> 00:13:17,547
Well? What do you hear?
447
00:13:17,589 --> 00:13:19,882
Oddly enough,
448
00:13:17,589 --> 00:13:19,882
the ocean.
449
00:13:19,924 --> 00:13:21,468
Give me that.
450
00:13:21,509 --> 00:13:22,636
What you hear
451
00:13:21,509 --> 00:13:22,636
is silence
452
00:13:22,677 --> 00:13:23,886
because Gibbler
453
00:13:22,677 --> 00:13:23,886
has finally realized
454
00:13:23,928 --> 00:13:25,764
she's no match for The Kid.
455
00:13:25,804 --> 00:13:28,807
Joseph, if you will.
456
00:13:29,517 --> 00:13:31,561
[squawking]
457
00:13:33,020 --> 00:13:34,939
What was that?
458
00:13:34,981 --> 00:13:35,940
Ah!
459
00:13:35,982 --> 00:13:38,109
Gibbler, what is that?
460
00:13:38,151 --> 00:13:39,986
It's an ostrich.
461
00:13:40,027 --> 00:13:43,281
I borrowed him from my uncle
462
00:13:40,027 --> 00:13:43,281
Johan's budget safari.
463
00:13:43,323 --> 00:13:45,074
You wanted war.
464
00:13:43,323 --> 00:13:45,074
You got it.
465
00:13:45,116 --> 00:13:46,409
[squawking]
466
00:13:46,451 --> 00:13:48,244
Well, strap a muzzle
467
00:13:46,451 --> 00:13:48,244
on that beak.
468
00:13:48,286 --> 00:13:50,037
And keep the bird
469
00:13:48,286 --> 00:13:50,037
quiet, too.
470
00:13:51,748 --> 00:13:52,957
No can do.
471
00:13:52,999 --> 00:13:54,250
You see, it's mating season.
472
00:13:54,292 --> 00:13:55,627
So you'll be hearing
473
00:13:54,292 --> 00:13:55,627
Oscar's love calls
474
00:13:55,669 --> 00:13:58,505
for the next
475
00:13:55,669 --> 00:13:58,505
eight weeks.
476
00:13:58,546 --> 00:13:59,964
Eight weeks?
477
00:14:00,006 --> 00:14:02,049
By the way, I suggest
478
00:14:00,006 --> 00:14:02,049
not wearing anything
479
00:14:02,091 --> 00:14:03,802
with feathers
480
00:14:02,091 --> 00:14:03,802
for a while.
481
00:14:06,596 --> 00:14:08,139
Gibbler thinks she
482
00:14:06,596 --> 00:14:08,139
can intimidate me
483
00:14:08,181 --> 00:14:10,975
with some squawking,
484
00:14:08,181 --> 00:14:10,975
long-necked, big beak..
485
00:14:11,017 --> 00:14:12,602
Ow! Ow! My hair!
486
00:14:13,978 --> 00:14:15,563
Sector 14.
487
00:14:18,650 --> 00:14:20,109
Oh, DJ.
488
00:14:20,151 --> 00:14:22,654
I finally found something
489
00:14:20,151 --> 00:14:22,654
I can beat you at.
490
00:14:22,696 --> 00:14:25,490
You're going down.
491
00:14:25,532 --> 00:14:26,866
Give it up, Michelle.
492
00:14:26,907 --> 00:14:28,075
You're already
493
00:14:26,907 --> 00:14:28,075
doing my chores
494
00:14:28,117 --> 00:14:30,495
until the end
495
00:14:28,117 --> 00:14:30,495
of the century.
496
00:14:30,537 --> 00:14:32,706
If you're so sure
497
00:14:30,537 --> 00:14:32,706
of yourself
498
00:14:32,747 --> 00:14:35,166
how about double
499
00:14:32,747 --> 00:14:35,166
or nothing?
500
00:14:35,208 --> 00:14:36,793
You're on, kid.
501
00:14:36,835 --> 00:14:39,295
Good. Follow me.
502
00:14:39,337 --> 00:14:41,422
Okay, but don't forget
503
00:14:41,464 --> 00:14:43,424
I'm older, I'm wiser.
504
00:14:43,466 --> 00:14:46,302
You're also taller.
505
00:14:47,220 --> 00:14:50,223
Let's get ready to limbo.
506
00:14:51,391 --> 00:14:53,768
Michelle, this is
507
00:14:51,391 --> 00:14:53,768
totally unfair.
508
00:14:53,810 --> 00:14:56,604
That's the beauty of it.
509
00:14:57,647 --> 00:14:59,940
[Limbo music plays]
510
00:15:06,113 --> 00:15:07,990
DJ, your turn.
511
00:15:08,032 --> 00:15:10,993
How low can you go?
512
00:15:13,538 --> 00:15:14,873
[sighs]
513
00:15:17,417 --> 00:15:19,586
Uh-h, not that low.
514
00:15:19,627 --> 00:15:22,756
I don't think my body bends
515
00:15:19,627 --> 00:15:22,756
that way any more.
516
00:15:22,797 --> 00:15:24,591
Okay, Michelle, you win.
517
00:15:24,632 --> 00:15:27,552
Finally, I beat my big sister
518
00:15:24,632 --> 00:15:27,552
at something.
519
00:15:27,594 --> 00:15:30,179
Michelle, that was
520
00:15:27,594 --> 00:15:30,179
sneaky and underhanded.
521
00:15:30,221 --> 00:15:33,140
I've taught you well.
522
00:15:30,221 --> 00:15:33,140
Congratulations.
523
00:15:33,182 --> 00:15:35,894
Let's go Limbo Joey
524
00:15:33,182 --> 00:15:35,894
for his comic books.
525
00:15:37,645 --> 00:15:39,480
You are on a roll.
526
00:15:41,608 --> 00:15:43,443
Deej, did I just hear
527
00:15:41,608 --> 00:15:43,443
Limbo music?
528
00:15:43,484 --> 00:15:45,361
What you heard was
529
00:15:43,484 --> 00:15:45,361
the end of an era.
530
00:15:47,405 --> 00:15:48,823
- Hey, guys.
531
00:15:47,405 --> 00:15:48,823
- Hey.
532
00:15:48,865 --> 00:15:50,617
The coolest thing
533
00:15:48,865 --> 00:15:50,617
happened today.
534
00:15:50,658 --> 00:15:52,076
Ryan apologized.
535
00:15:52,118 --> 00:15:53,536
Really? What'd he say?
536
00:15:53,578 --> 00:15:55,496
Well, he said he was sorry
537
00:15:53,578 --> 00:15:55,496
about what happened
538
00:15:55,538 --> 00:15:58,750
and he wants to make it up to me
539
00:15:55,538 --> 00:15:58,750
by buying me pizza at the mall.
540
00:15:58,792 --> 00:16:00,376
That is great, sweetheart.
541
00:16:00,418 --> 00:16:02,295
Maybe Ryan had a little chat
542
00:16:02,336 --> 00:16:04,589
with an older, sensible
543
00:16:04,631 --> 00:16:06,424
wise-as-the-ages
544
00:16:04,631 --> 00:16:06,424
role model
545
00:16:06,466 --> 00:16:08,760
who showed him the error
546
00:16:06,466 --> 00:16:08,760
of his ways.
547
00:16:09,803 --> 00:16:11,679
Maybe he just likes me.
548
00:16:11,721 --> 00:16:14,098
Or that.
549
00:16:14,140 --> 00:16:16,058
Steph, I got to talk to you.
550
00:16:16,100 --> 00:16:18,185
Oh, and I have
551
00:16:16,100 --> 00:16:18,185
to talk to you.
552
00:16:18,227 --> 00:16:19,771
Ryan apologized.
553
00:16:19,813 --> 00:16:20,855
I know.
554
00:16:20,897 --> 00:16:22,398
The whole school knows.
555
00:16:22,440 --> 00:16:24,108
Your dad chased him
556
00:16:22,440 --> 00:16:24,108
down the hall
557
00:16:24,150 --> 00:16:25,192
clobbered him
558
00:16:24,150 --> 00:16:25,192
with canned ham
559
00:16:25,234 --> 00:16:26,736
and then shoved him
560
00:16:25,234 --> 00:16:26,736
in a locker.
561
00:16:28,070 --> 00:16:30,156
It was not a canned ham.
562
00:16:28,070 --> 00:16:30,156
It was spam.
563
00:16:31,574 --> 00:16:33,576
Y-you clobbered him
564
00:16:31,574 --> 00:16:33,576
with spam?
565
00:16:33,618 --> 00:16:35,369
I didn't clobber him
566
00:16:33,618 --> 00:16:35,369
with anything.
567
00:16:35,411 --> 00:16:37,288
Dad, you went
568
00:16:35,411 --> 00:16:37,288
to her school?
569
00:16:37,330 --> 00:16:39,290
Hasn't she
570
00:16:37,330 --> 00:16:39,290
suffered enough?
571
00:16:39,332 --> 00:16:40,875
Deej, I was there
572
00:16:39,332 --> 00:16:40,875
for the food drive.
573
00:16:40,917 --> 00:16:43,461
I bumped into Ryan in the hall
574
00:16:40,917 --> 00:16:43,461
and we had a little talk.
575
00:16:43,503 --> 00:16:45,296
You talked to him?
576
00:16:45,338 --> 00:16:48,341
Oh, no. W-what did you say?
577
00:16:48,382 --> 00:16:50,384
Nothing.
578
00:16:50,426 --> 00:16:53,137
Okay, I-I told him that
579
00:16:50,426 --> 00:16:53,137
what he did was wrong
580
00:16:53,179 --> 00:16:54,305
and that he was
581
00:16:53,179 --> 00:16:54,305
missing out
582
00:16:54,347 --> 00:16:56,390
on knowing
583
00:16:54,347 --> 00:16:56,390
a really great person
584
00:16:56,432 --> 00:16:57,976
and that he really hurt you.
585
00:16:58,017 --> 00:17:00,394
You didn't tell him I cried?
586
00:17:00,436 --> 00:17:02,563
No. Never.
587
00:17:00,436 --> 00:17:02,563
Of course not. No way.
588
00:17:02,605 --> 00:17:04,649
Yeah. Yeah, I did.
589
00:17:04,691 --> 00:17:07,067
Oh, I'm going to transfer.
590
00:17:07,109 --> 00:17:09,028
Steph, I'm not letting you
591
00:17:07,109 --> 00:17:09,028
change schools.
592
00:17:09,069 --> 00:17:11,238
I want to change dads.
593
00:17:12,866 --> 00:17:15,493
Look, I didn't mean
594
00:17:12,866 --> 00:17:15,493
to embarrass you.
595
00:17:15,535 --> 00:17:18,371
It just hurt me to see
596
00:17:15,535 --> 00:17:18,371
how much he hurt you.
597
00:17:18,412 --> 00:17:20,122
I'm sorry.
598
00:17:20,164 --> 00:17:23,334
I hope someday
599
00:17:20,164 --> 00:17:23,334
you understand.
600
00:17:25,670 --> 00:17:26,963
The only thing
601
00:17:25,670 --> 00:17:26,963
I understand
602
00:17:27,005 --> 00:17:28,631
is I have to go eat pizza
603
00:17:27,005 --> 00:17:28,631
with a guy
604
00:17:28,673 --> 00:17:31,676
who's only talking to me
605
00:17:28,673 --> 00:17:31,676
because dad threatened him.
606
00:17:31,718 --> 00:17:33,427
Well, Steph, just talk to him
607
00:17:33,469 --> 00:17:35,596
and be completely honest.
608
00:17:35,638 --> 00:17:37,807
Say dad was exposed
609
00:17:35,638 --> 00:17:37,807
to toxic cleaning fumes
610
00:17:37,849 --> 00:17:40,226
and has been disoriented
611
00:17:37,849 --> 00:17:40,226
for the past 10 years.
612
00:17:41,895 --> 00:17:45,356
Wait. Who says you
613
00:17:41,895 --> 00:17:45,356
even have to go?
614
00:17:45,398 --> 00:17:46,733
Hey, you're right.
615
00:17:46,774 --> 00:17:48,359
I mean he doesn't
616
00:17:46,774 --> 00:17:48,359
want to be there.
617
00:17:48,401 --> 00:17:49,777
I don't want
618
00:17:48,401 --> 00:17:49,777
to be there.
619
00:17:49,819 --> 00:17:52,780
I'll do us both a favor
620
00:17:49,819 --> 00:17:52,780
and stand him up.
621
00:17:52,822 --> 00:17:53,948
[indistinct murmuring]
622
00:17:53,990 --> 00:17:55,658
Joseph, this is beautiful.
623
00:17:55,700 --> 00:17:56,784
Beautiful, I'm finally going
624
00:17:55,700 --> 00:17:56,784
to get some rest
625
00:17:56,826 --> 00:17:58,202
in my own backyard.
626
00:17:58,244 --> 00:17:59,579
I'm gonna build the ultimate
627
00:17:58,244 --> 00:17:59,579
soundproof wall
628
00:17:59,620 --> 00:18:01,205
all the way across here.
629
00:18:01,247 --> 00:18:02,456
Check this out.
630
00:18:02,498 --> 00:18:04,250
Hey, stupid bird. Hey.
631
00:18:04,291 --> 00:18:07,003
Let's see you try to get
632
00:18:04,291 --> 00:18:07,003
through this, huh?
633
00:18:07,045 --> 00:18:08,546
Let me tell you
634
00:18:07,045 --> 00:18:08,546
something, okay?
635
00:18:08,588 --> 00:18:09,923
That bird's not gonna
636
00:18:08,588 --> 00:18:09,923
mess with me.
637
00:18:09,964 --> 00:18:11,382
He's gonna end up
638
00:18:09,964 --> 00:18:11,382
in a bucket of KFC.
639
00:18:11,424 --> 00:18:12,759
[squawking]
640
00:18:12,800 --> 00:18:15,219
[screams]
641
00:18:15,261 --> 00:18:18,305
[squawking]
642
00:18:20,516 --> 00:18:21,893
[screaming]
643
00:18:24,771 --> 00:18:26,647
Wo-o!
644
00:18:26,689 --> 00:18:28,232
Wow, Oscar's mating call
645
00:18:28,274 --> 00:18:29,567
is louder than usual.
646
00:18:29,609 --> 00:18:31,945
That's because
647
00:18:29,609 --> 00:18:31,945
he's found a mate.
648
00:18:31,986 --> 00:18:34,113
Jess, come on!
649
00:18:34,154 --> 00:18:35,364
[gasps]
650
00:18:35,406 --> 00:18:36,991
Honey, are you okay?
651
00:18:37,033 --> 00:18:39,243
[spits]
652
00:18:41,203 --> 00:18:42,455
I think so.
653
00:18:42,496 --> 00:18:44,457
[screaming]
654
00:18:46,834 --> 00:18:47,961
What did you do
655
00:18:46,834 --> 00:18:47,961
to my bird?
656
00:18:48,002 --> 00:18:49,503
Not half of what
657
00:18:48,002 --> 00:18:49,503
I'll do to you.
658
00:18:49,545 --> 00:18:52,214
One step closer,
659
00:18:49,545 --> 00:18:52,214
and you're ostrich chow.
660
00:18:52,256 --> 00:18:53,507
[whistles]
661
00:18:53,549 --> 00:18:55,426
[squawks]
662
00:18:55,468 --> 00:18:57,595
Jess, you've let this thing
663
00:18:55,468 --> 00:18:57,595
get way out of hand.
664
00:18:57,637 --> 00:19:00,180
Now your blood pressure's
665
00:18:57,637 --> 00:19:00,180
probably off the charts.
666
00:19:01,390 --> 00:19:03,434
Helmet head's got
667
00:19:01,390 --> 00:19:03,434
high blood pressure?
668
00:19:03,476 --> 00:19:05,895
He ought to try to relax.
669
00:19:05,937 --> 00:19:07,480
That's why I was
670
00:19:05,937 --> 00:19:07,480
building the wall.
671
00:19:08,815 --> 00:19:10,566
Can we, can we please put
672
00:19:08,815 --> 00:19:10,566
a stop to this?
673
00:19:10,608 --> 00:19:13,319
I mam sure that you don't want
674
00:19:10,608 --> 00:19:13,319
to jeopardize Jesse's health.
675
00:19:13,360 --> 00:19:14,570
Well, of course not.
676
00:19:14,612 --> 00:19:16,656
If he croaks,
677
00:19:14,612 --> 00:19:16,656
I can't bug him anymore.
678
00:19:17,865 --> 00:19:19,366
You see that, Jess?
679
00:19:19,408 --> 00:19:22,161
Underneath it all
680
00:19:19,408 --> 00:19:22,161
she really almost cares.
681
00:19:22,202 --> 00:19:23,663
And I know you almost care
682
00:19:22,202 --> 00:19:23,663
about her
683
00:19:23,704 --> 00:19:25,665
so how about
684
00:19:23,704 --> 00:19:25,665
a truce?
685
00:19:25,706 --> 00:19:28,835
Well, she's got to agree to give
686
00:19:25,706 --> 00:19:28,835
me some peace and quiet.
687
00:19:28,876 --> 00:19:30,753
What's in it for me?
688
00:19:30,795 --> 00:19:33,172
And I'll agree to, uh,
689
00:19:30,795 --> 00:19:33,172
to ignore you
690
00:19:33,213 --> 00:19:35,008
and treat you like
691
00:19:33,213 --> 00:19:35,008
the irritating pest
692
00:19:35,049 --> 00:19:36,592
that you truly are.
693
00:19:38,761 --> 00:19:41,848
Well, okay,
694
00:19:38,761 --> 00:19:41,848
but on one condition.
695
00:19:41,889 --> 00:19:43,683
What's that?
696
00:19:43,724 --> 00:19:46,978
Give me a hug,
697
00:19:43,724 --> 00:19:46,978
you big galoot.
698
00:19:47,020 --> 00:19:48,938
I'd rather take
699
00:19:47,020 --> 00:19:48,938
my chances with Oscar.
700
00:19:49,814 --> 00:19:51,649
Jess, please.
701
00:19:51,691 --> 00:19:53,818
Let's stop the madness.
702
00:19:54,861 --> 00:19:56,320
Come on. Give her a hug.
703
00:19:58,656 --> 00:20:01,617
There you go.
704
00:20:02,743 --> 00:20:04,996
A-ah! Becky, Becky,
705
00:20:02,743 --> 00:20:04,996
Becky, Becky.
706
00:20:13,295 --> 00:20:16,174
[doorbell chimes]
707
00:20:16,215 --> 00:20:17,675
[sighs]
708
00:20:21,721 --> 00:20:23,681
I hope you're happy.
709
00:20:23,723 --> 00:20:26,433
I'm not doing too badly.
710
00:20:26,475 --> 00:20:28,936
Stephanie stood me up.
711
00:20:28,978 --> 00:20:30,479
Oh, I'm sorry, Ryan.
712
00:20:30,521 --> 00:20:32,940
Must be some kind
713
00:20:30,521 --> 00:20:32,940
of mix-up. Come on-on in.
714
00:20:32,982 --> 00:20:34,400
Steph, are you home?
715
00:20:34,441 --> 00:20:36,944
I sat at the mall
716
00:20:34,441 --> 00:20:36,944
for over two hours.
717
00:20:36,986 --> 00:20:38,404
The guy
718
00:20:36,986 --> 00:20:38,404
at the piano and organ store
719
00:20:38,445 --> 00:20:40,781
played "Mandy" 32 times.
720
00:20:41,824 --> 00:20:44,785
Ryan, what are you
721
00:20:41,824 --> 00:20:44,785
doing here?
722
00:20:44,827 --> 00:20:46,328
Hmm, what are you
723
00:20:44,827 --> 00:20:46,328
doing here?
724
00:20:46,370 --> 00:20:48,455
You were supposed
725
00:20:46,370 --> 00:20:48,455
to meet me at the mall.
726
00:20:48,497 --> 00:20:51,209
Oh, listen, I know the only
727
00:20:48,497 --> 00:20:51,209
reason you asked me out
728
00:20:51,250 --> 00:20:54,628
was because my dad threatened
729
00:20:51,250 --> 00:20:54,628
you with canned ham.
730
00:20:54,670 --> 00:20:56,672
It was spam.
731
00:20:58,049 --> 00:21:00,927
Uh, look, your dad
732
00:20:58,049 --> 00:21:00,927
didn't threaten me.
733
00:21:00,968 --> 00:21:02,011
He just made me realize
734
00:21:02,053 --> 00:21:03,763
what a rat I was
735
00:21:02,053 --> 00:21:03,763
to stand you up.
736
00:21:04,931 --> 00:21:06,807
Really?
737
00:21:06,849 --> 00:21:10,352
And I guess I was a rat
738
00:21:06,849 --> 00:21:10,352
to stand you up.
739
00:21:11,520 --> 00:21:12,813
Well, you know..
740
00:21:12,855 --> 00:21:14,648
...two rats don't make a wrong.
741
00:21:19,112 --> 00:21:20,238
Di-didn't make a lot of sense
742
00:21:20,279 --> 00:21:23,116
but it kinda fit, didn't it?
743
00:21:23,157 --> 00:21:24,533
Listen, um..
744
00:21:24,575 --> 00:21:27,327
...we kind of got off
745
00:21:24,575 --> 00:21:27,327
on the wrong foot.
746
00:21:27,369 --> 00:21:30,206
Actually, we didn't really
747
00:21:27,369 --> 00:21:30,206
get off on any foot.
748
00:21:30,248 --> 00:21:33,000
Um, do you think
749
00:21:30,248 --> 00:21:33,000
we could start over?
750
00:21:33,960 --> 00:21:35,502
I'd like that.
751
00:21:35,544 --> 00:21:38,256
I'm Ryan. Why don't
752
00:21:35,544 --> 00:21:38,256
we get some pizza?
753
00:21:38,297 --> 00:21:40,841
Yeah, okay,
754
00:21:38,297 --> 00:21:40,841
but it's on me.
755
00:21:40,883 --> 00:21:42,051
Dad?
756
00:21:44,262 --> 00:21:45,638
Okay.
757
00:21:45,679 --> 00:21:47,890
Here's 20 grand,
758
00:21:45,679 --> 00:21:47,890
your inheritance.
759
00:21:47,932 --> 00:21:49,683
- See you.
760
00:21:47,932 --> 00:21:49,683
- Bye.
761
00:21:49,725 --> 00:21:52,311
Have fun.
762
00:22:02,488 --> 00:22:04,991
What's this for?
763
00:22:05,032 --> 00:22:07,660
For being an involved,
764
00:22:05,032 --> 00:22:07,660
loving father
765
00:22:07,701 --> 00:22:10,746
who sticks up
766
00:22:07,701 --> 00:22:10,746
for his daughter.
767
00:22:10,788 --> 00:22:12,372
Thanks, honey.
768
00:22:12,414 --> 00:22:14,917
But don't ever
769
00:22:12,414 --> 00:22:14,917
do it again.
770
00:22:24,093 --> 00:22:25,845
[theme music]