[theme music]
- Michelle, you wanna go sleepy?
- No.
What do you wanna do?
Stay up all night?
No.
- Is Mr. Horsey tired?
- No.
Are you gonna
say anything but "no"?
No.
Hmm, what's your favorite
James Bond movie?
Would it happen to be "Doctor..
...No."
[laughing]
Well, Joseph, it seems like
we're unable to put
a two year old to bed.
Hmm, is it possible
she's smarter than us?
Yes.
[instrumental music]
[theme music]
♪ Aah aah aah aah ♪
♪ Aah ♪
♪ Whatever happened
to predictability ♪
♪ The milkman the paper boy ♪
♪ Evenin' TV ♪
♪ How did I get
to livin' here? ♪
♪ Somebody tell me please ♪
♪ This whole world's
confusing me ♪
♪ Clouds as mean
as you've ever seen ♪
♪ Ain't a bird
that knows your tune ♪
♪ Then a little voice
inside you whispers ♪
♪ Kid don't sell
your dreams so soon ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Everywhere ♪
♪ There's a heart ♪
♪ A hand to hold on to ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Everywhere ♪
♪ There's a face ♪
♪ Of somebody who needs you ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ When you're lost out there
and you're all alone ♪
♪ A light is waiting
to carry you home ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Do be do ba ba da ♪♪
[instrumental music]
♪ Boil that cabbage down
boy turn them cakes around ♪♪
Okay, Michelle,
here is a handy hint.
If you put masking tape
around your hand..
...sticky side out
it's useful
for removing that
unsightly lint
from jacket or sweater.
There's something every
toddler should know.
Okay, I made a list
of the food I need
for Kimmy's
surprise birthday party.
Grape soda,
orange soda, caramel corn
cherry licorice
and ice-cream.
Why shop? Just put out
a bowl of white sugar.
[telephone ringing]
I'll get it.
Hello.
Okay. I'll be right there.
Bye-bye.
That was my boss. He wants me
down at the station right away.
He says he's got
some good news.
Actually, he said big news.
Ooh, that could be bad news.
Why didn't he say?
Why didn't I ask him?
I'll worry on the way.
- Bye, honey. Bye-bye.
- Bye.
Why does he
make himself so crazy?
I don't know.
But on the plus side
there is no lint on the phone.
D.J., which one of these
dresses will I look
cuter in at your party?
Ah, Steph, you wouldn't
like this party.
It's gonna be a bunch
of sixth-graders.
In that case,
I'll wear this one.
It makes me look older.
Uh, let me say this
as nice as I can.
You're in first grade,
and all the kids at this party
are in the sixth grade.
What if I...bring five
other first-graders?
Okay, I've tried to be nice.
Uncle Jesse.
Joey. She won't let me
go to her party!
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
Hold it. Neutral corners.
D.J. first.
She thinks
she's coming to my party.
I do think that.
Uh, Steph,
I have a great idea.
Why don't we have our own
super-duper party upstairs?
Doesn't that sound like fun?
Does it sound like fun to you?
Thanks, guys.
Ready for school, Deej?
Kimmy, how could you just barge
into people's houses?
- Don't you ever knock?
- I looked in the window.
Nobody was in their underwear.
When you're
in your underwear, I knock.
- We gotta get a guard dog.
- Happy birthday.
Now, remember, we're going to
the movies tonight.
So come get me
at exactly seven o' clock.
Movies? What happened
to Kimmy's surprise party?
A surprise party for me?
Alright!
Oops.
You're dead meat.
Don't worry, D.J.
I'll act surprised.
Hey, can I invite
my two friends
from karate class,
Nina and Melissa?
It's your surprise party.
You can invite
whoever you want.
I'm free tonight. Invite me.
- Bye, guys.
- Don't have to answer that now.
Think it over!
How rude.
Well, here it is, the set
of, "Wake Up, San Francisco."
You like it?
Like it? I love it.
I could live here.
All this place needs is a sink,
a toaster oven and maybe
a wall right about there.
Oh, I can't wait
to meet my co-host.
Danny Tanner should be here
any second.
Terrific.
That was him.
'He'll be back.'
Oh, there you are,
Mr. Strowbridge.
Excuse me, miss.
I couldn't wait
to hear the big news.
Just out of curiosity, sir
it is big, good news, isn't it?
Very good news.
Tonight will
be your last sportscast.
It's interesting how one man's
good is another man's bad.
- Tanner--
- What did I do?
I'm always on time.
I, uh, the ratings are up.
I-I never step
on the weatherman's jokes.
Who are you gonna
get to replace me?
Tanner, Tanner, I'd like you
to meet the newest member
of The Channel Eight family,
Miss Rebecca Donaldson.
It's wonderful to meet you.
It's wonderful to meet you too.
You're going to hire her?
Please don't take
any of this personally.
Are you out of your mind?
Please don't take that
personal either, sir.
Before you accept this job,
if you could just look
at my three little girls here.
You can't see their feet, but
boy, do they go through shoes.
Cute kids.
You're not being fired.
You and Rebecca
will be co-hosting
"Wake Up, San Francisco!"
- Really?
- Uh-huh.
- You're serious?
- Uh-huh.
I'm the new host
of, "Wake Up, San Francisco?"
Co-host.
I can live with that.
- Oh, thank you. Thank you.
- Yes, yes.
Oh, this is great.
You'll get used to this.
I hug everybody.
Oh, I like people who hug.
This was just what
I was hoping for. Chemistry.
That's what's gonna take us
from number three to number one.
That and the fact
they moved, "Wheel Of Fortune."
San Francisco is gonna
fall in love with you two.
You'll be fine. You'll be great.
You'll be starting Monday.
Starting Monday?
Well, that's
the best way to do it.
Just jump right
in there and have fun.
"Just jump right in there
and have fun?"
It's gonna take hours and hours
of relentless rehearsal
to make it
look like we're having fun.
Unless we actually
are having fun.
Rebecca, no offense
but have you ever hosted
a talk show before?
As a matter of fact, I have.
A.M. Omaha, for two years.
How about you? Have you ever
hosted a talk show?
That's kind of personal.
It's party time.
'Almost.'
Michelle, you're supposed
to be in the kitchen
not carrying around pretzels.
'It's okay, Michelle.
I'll clean it up.'
(Jesse)
'Michelle.'
Oh, you little,
what are you doing here?
What happened?
Alright, come on.
D.J. This is a party.
Is this a party?
Why is everyone so quiet?
They think you're cute.
Where were they when I was 12?
- Not born. Bye.
- Bye-bye.
Okay, I promise that was
the last interruption.
Oh, that's Kimmy.
Everyone get ready.
(all)
Surprise!
For me? You shouldn't have.
We didn't.
What are you doing down here?
I just went to check the mail.
Nothing yet. Ah, pretzels.
Don't mind if I do.
Well, I mind if you do.
Stephanie, please go upstairs.
Oh, dear me, I almost forgot.
I do have a super-duper party
waiting for me upstairs.
Hello, what a pretty sweater.
Love your hair.
We must do this
again sometime.
Surprise!
(all)
Oh!
A surprise party for me!
What a surprise!
D.J., these are the two friends
you said that I could invite.
Nina and Melissa.
They're in junior high.
(all)
Ooh!
I'm D.J.
I'm glad you could make it.
We wouldn't miss a party
for our new pal, Kammy.
- Her name's Kimmy.
- They wear lipstick.
They can call me
whatever they want.
This party is dead.
Hey, is your dad home?
No. He's gone.
Good. This is
a great party house.
Much better than the house
we trashed last weekend.
Where's the phone?
Oh, it's over here.
Let's call Greg,
Andy and the Duke.
Uh, before you call any Dukes
do you mind telling me
what you're doing?
Don't worry. In an hour
we'll have 50 or 60 kids here.
(Melissa)
'Hello, Duke.'
What's the address here?
Uh, hello, Duke,
this is a crank call.
What a dweeb!
Hey, this party isn't
for you and your friends.
It's a party
for Kimmy and her friends.
D.J., you're messing
everything up.
Don't you get it?
They're in junior high.
Who cares?
This is the land of the lame.
Come on, Kimmy,
let's get out of here.
Kimmy, wait. You can't leave
your own birthday party.
You can't tell me what to do.
I'm not telling you what to do.
I'm just saying
don't act dumb.
- Oh, now I'm dumb.
- You are if you stay here.
Come on, the mall's
open till nine.
Let's do it.
[instrumental music]
There will be
no talking in class.
Everyone turn to page..
Mr. Bear, if it's so funny
why don't you share it
with everybody.
Hi, D.J. Wanna play school?
No. I wanna quit school.
Is that because you
ate lunch by yourself today?
I wasn't eating by myself.
I was eating alone.
There's a big difference.
Any questions, class?
Yes, Mr. Bear?
Mr. Bear wants to know
why all the kids in school
were calling you
a "geek burger"?
Mr. Bear is going
to the principal's office.
That's the cafeteria.
I told them
you weren't a geek burger.
Then they called
me "geek burger junior."
How rude!
It's all Kimmy's fault.
She hates my guts because I
wouldn't let her stupid friends
take over the party
and wreck my house.
Now she turned
the whole school against me.
Don't feel bad. I know
you're not a geek burger.
Thanks.
And you're not
a geek burger junior.
Thanks back.
But until this blows over..
...I think
I'll change my name.
To..
...Connie Chung.
[instrumental music]
Danny, the TV is fine.
Will you stop windex-ing?
Come on, we're dying
to watch your first show.
Okay, okay.
Don't show the tape
till Uncle Jesse gets here.
Oh, the tape.
I knew I forgot something.
No, I have it.
It's in my bag.
What a team.
I forget, and you remember.
- There it is.
- That's a groovy..
Have mercy. Hi.
Hi. You must be Jesse,
Danny's brother-in-law.
Danny told me about you.
Oh, yeah? What did he say?
He said he had
a brother-in-law named Jesse.
Oh.
Thanks for the build-up, pal.
So you must be Rebecca?
No, please,
please call me Becky.
Becky. I like that.
Becky, Becky, Becky.
Uh, so, Becky, I was gonna get
something to drink.
- Would you like something?
- Sure, what do you got?
- What do you like?
- Whatever you have.
Why don't we
get it together, huh?
- Okay.
- That's fascinating.
I can see why you have
your own talk show.
D.J., is everything okay?
Yeah. Fine, dad.
I can't wait to watch your show.
So have you found
an apartment yet?
Oh, I found plenty of them.
The problem is they all have
people living inside.
[laughing]
People..
See, I find sense of humor very
attractive in a woman.
You know,
this is gonna sound weird
but you remind me of someone.
Oh, yeah?
Who's that?
It's silly.
You don't wanna hear it.
- No, go ahead.
- No. It's ridiculous!
People tell me all the time.
Go ahead.
Come on, pretty mama,
lay it on me.
- You remind me of Corky.
- Yeah. See, people tell, Corky?
My little baby brother.
You know, he used to do that
same cute Elvis voice.
I remind you
of your little baby brother?
Yeah, it's uncanny.
Corky and I would go up to
Sutter's pond to catch frogs.
And he would always say..
..."come on,
little froggy mama."
Elvis never said that.
You really are cute.
We are so far
from where I wanna be.
Okay, now remember,
this is our first show
so we were a little bit nervous.
- Play the tape.
- Just play it.
Why don't I just play the tape?
(all)
Great idea.
Here we go.
♪ Wake up ♪♪
Good morning.
It's time to wake up,
San Francisco.
- I'm Danny Tanner.
- And I'm Rebecca Donaldson.
And we'd like
to know all your names
but we're only an hour show
and we've only got one phone.
I thought that was
a pretty good ad lib.
Yeah, that was good.
Danny, that was
a terrific 12 seconds.
Is there more?
Oh, yeah. Wait till you see
the next 12 seconds.
Rebecca comes to us from two
years as host of, "A.M. Omaha."
Isn't Nebraska
one of the plain states?
Well, Danny, we have
tried to decorate it.
[laughing]
You didn't laugh at my joke.
We were laughing inside.
Yeah, kind of an internal thing.
Should I back it up
and show it again?
(Jesse)
'No. No.'
Danny, we have lives
to lead. Okay.
This is so great.
This is so much better
than reading sports scores
and interviewing sweaty guys.
(Stephanie)
'Cartoons!'
Michelle, you just turned off
daddy's new show.
Dad, wait!
Yeah, this is a good one.
It's okay.
I've already seen it.
[telephone ringing]
Hello. Yeah, hold on a second.
D.J.!
(Joey)
'Here she comes.'
- Here, it's Kimmy Gibbler.
- Oh, thanks.
Something wrong, Deej?
I told that kid a million times
to keep her junk off my bed.
- Pretty bummed, aren't you?
- No, I'm not bummed.
Yes, you are bummed.
You always twirl your hair like
that when you're bummed.
You'd be bummed too if Kimmy
got the whole school
saying you're a geek burger.
- Maybe she called to apologize.
- Yeah.
Well, she can dial till her
fingers fall off.
I'm never talking
to that little traitor again.
Oh, come on D.J.
You don't mean that.
- Kimmy's your best friend.
- Ex-best friend.
D.J., I know
you're upset with Kimmy
but that doesn't mean
you throw the whole friendship
out the window.
Ex-friendship
out the ex-window.
You know, I know
why you're so upset.
Because the people
that can hurt you the most
are the people
you love the most.
Take me and Jesse, for example.
Is that the best example?
- It just kind of popped out.
- I'm just kiddin'. I'm kiddin'.
No, he's right,
here-here's a perfect story.
Just last week, Joey taped
over my favorite Elvis video
with Pee-wee's playhouse.
I mean, tell me, how would you
like to be sitting there
watching the king
and all of a sudden he's singing
♪ You ain't nothing
but a hound dog.. ♪
"I know you are, but what am I?"
Well, the point is,
Joey made a mistake
but I forgave him.
Erasing a friendship
'is a lot worse
than erasing a tape.'
Well, I still think
she's a nerd bomber.
D.J., do you remember your
beat-up, old, flat soccer ball
that I accidentally threw away?
You mean the one I scored
my first goal with?
- Yeah, that one.
- Yeah, I remember.
I was so mad at you.
See, you're not mad
at me anymore.
No.
Well, see...D.J.,
if you hadn't forgiven me
we would've missed out on all
the good times we've had
between then and now.
And all the good times
we're gonna have.
You know what I'm saying?
You're saying give
Kimmy another chance.
Sure. Part of having a best
friend is being a best friend.
Let the hurt go away, not Kimmy.
(Stephanie)
'D.J., Kimmy Gibbler's
downstairs.'
I guess I'll go talk to her.
- Attagirl.
- Thanks.
Joseph, that, I'm, uh...
that was..
I'm touched. That was...
that was really beautiful.
I think we really helped
the kid out, huh, Ozzie?
We sure did, Harriet.
- Hi.
- So go ahead.
- Go ahead what?
- Apologize.
- Apologize?
Isn't that why you came here?
No. My mom told me to come over
here and get my presents.
But if you don't apologize,
then how can I forgive you?
Forgive me for what?
Getting kicked out
of my own party?
I didn't kick you out. You left!
Because you embarrassed me
in front of Nina and Melissa.
What's wrong with you?
I can't believe
you'd rather be friends
with girls who really aren't
your friends
than friends with a friend
who already was your friend.
I don't know what you just said,
but same to you, geek burger.
Don't call me that,
Kimmy Gobbler.
- Double geekburger with cheese.
- I hate you.
I hate you too.
Mail me my presents.
Wait.
You can't leave.
How could you call me
all those names in school?
I wasn't the only one.
Everybody was calling you..
Well, you know, the G word.
But you're supposed
to be my friend.
Best friend.
Well, you know,
if we don't make up
how are we share lockers
in junior high.
We won't get to go
to college together.
And we won't be able
to marry identical twins
and be congresswomen.
We gotta make up
or our lives will be ruined.
D.J., I really am sorry.
I'm sorry I brought those dumb
junior high girls to the party.
I'm sorry I left with them.
I'm sorry they dumped
me when they met
those two cute guys at the mall.
I'm really sorry I told
everybody you're a geek burger.
I'm the geek burger.
Don't say that
about my best friend.
Wait, you never opened
up your birthday present.
Happy birthday.
Wow! This is, like,
only the raddest hat
in the entire universe!
It should be.
It cost a fortune.
What do you wanna do now?
Why don't we open up
all your presents
and then go to mall
and exchange them.
- But I might like them.
- No, you won't. Believe me.
I already opened them.
You won't like
the denim sweater.
It's, like,
not a good color for you.
[instrumental music]
♪ Aah aah aah aah ♪
[theme continues]