[theme music]
Hurry up, everybody.
Let's go to the Halloween party.
Hop to it, you're late.
You're late,
for a very important date.
Make way for the Cleopatra,
queen of the Nile.
Why'd you pick that?
'Cause dad wouldn't
let me be Elvira.
♪ Hello ♪
♪ Hello ♪♪
(all)
Hello!
♪ De da da di da ♪♪
- Hey, Mo.
- Spread out, knuckle heads.
- See this.
- Yeah.
Woof!
[laughing]
What are you laughing
at puddin' head?
[screaming]
Do you see this?
Oh, begonias.
Girls, we're a lot
to win the costume contest.
Forget it, guys.
Candy.
We are all dead meat.
[instrumental music]
[theme music]
♪ Aah aah aah aah ♪
♪ Aah ♪
♪ Whatever happened
to predictability? ♪
♪ The milk man
the paper boy ♪
♪ Evenin' TV ♪
♪ How did I
get to livin' here? ♪
♪ Somebody tell me please ♪
♪ This whole world's
confusing me ♪
♪ Clouds as mean
as you've ever seen ♪
♪ Ain't a bird
who knows your tune ♪
♪ Then a little voice
inside you whispers ♪
♪ Kid don't sell
your dreams so soon ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Everywhere ♪
♪ There's a heart ♪
♪ A hand to hold on to ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Everywhere ♪
♪ There's a face
of somebody who needs you ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ When you're lost out there
and you're all alone ♪
♪ A light is waiting
to carry you home ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Do be do ba ba da ♪♪
[instrumental music]
Alright, boys, let's take it
from the top. One more time.
Here we go. One, two.
Uh, one, two, three.
- Uh, hold it.
- What?
Jess, you've never written
an advertising jingle
before, have you?
No, Joseph, why?
Well, if you're gonna
sell this thing
you gonna need something
that no one else has. Me.
[plays harmonica]
[blowing]
Lucy, I didn't say,
you could be in the show.
Oh, Ricky.
Now.
Here we go. One more time, guys.
One, two.
Uh, one, two, three, four.
- Hey.
- What?
- We're back from the dentist.
- No cavities, baby.
- Thank you.
- Alright.
- Thank you.
- Alright.
Unfortunately..
Stephanie has her
very first cavity.
Why do I have to have a filling?
I'm gonna lose it anyway.
It's a baby tooth.
Oh, come on, Steph,
it's not that bad.
I told you, honey,
it's not that bad.
When everybody says
it's not that bad.
It's bad.
Steph, I got the perfect
thing to cheer you up.
You can help me rehearse
my jingle presentation, okay?
Hotdog.
Now, come on,
you and D.J., sit over here
and pretend like
you're important.
Advertising executives, okay?
- Here we go.
- Okay.
Let's go fellows.
Good afternoon,
I'm Jesse Katsopolis.
Your secretary
saw my band playin'
and thought that tune
were kind of catchy
I heard you guys were
looking for a jingle
for a new water theme park
Splash City.
I'm a song writer, so I thought
I'd put something together.
Here it is.
Ready? One, two.
Uh, one, two, three.
♪ When the sun has got you
so doggone hot ♪
♪ You got nowhere left to run ♪
♪ And the nearest beach
is way out of reach ♪
♪ There's only one place
to go for fun ♪
♪ Do you wanna have fun ♪
♪ We're going to ♪
♪ Splash City
to make a big wave ♪
♪ We're going to ♪
♪ Splash City the H2O craze ♪
♪ We are going to ♪
♪ Splash City nothing but fun ♪
♪ We are going to ♪
♪ Splash City for everyone ♪
♪ Hu hu hu hu ♪
♪ Baa ♪♪
[plays harmonica]
♪ I'm going to Splash City ♪
♪ I'm gonna have fun ♪
♪ I'm going to Splash City ♪♪
Well, maybe
I'll just stay home.
And.
♪ Splash City ♪
♪ Hu ahh ♪♪
Yeah.
[applauding]
So, what do you
think, Steph?
I think it's gonna
fall out anyway.
It's a baby tooth.
What?
You even copied my name.
Oh.
What are you doing?
Brushing away my cavity.
She's been brushing
for three days.
Kid, you can't brush it away.
You can't wish it away.
You have to drill it away.
Dzzz..
Did you hear
about Kathy Santoni?
She went in for a filling
and got her mouth wired shut.
And she had to eat through
a hole in her throat.
Guess, who is here?
You.
Well, yes, it is me.
But there's someone else.
(Nick)
'It's Grandpa Katsopolis.'
'Open up.'
Where are my two
little lady bugs?
- Grandpa.
- Grandma.
Oh, darlin'.
Switch.
[screaming]
Well, darlin'.
You have company.
See you later, Deej.
Hey, Kimmy, still
copying peoples homework?
I'm trying to cut down.
- Bye.
I see you're stressing
good oral hygiene.
Kimmy Gibbler said,
I'd have to wear a mouth wires
and eat through a hole
in my throat.
Honey, you know,
Kimmy has a tendency to..
Sometimes Kimmy's
imagination..
Kimmy's an airhead.
[chuckles]
So, Grandpa Nick, you have
anything that needs unwrapping?
- No.
- Tacky, Deej.
You can't expect presents
every time they visit.
Did you get me anything?
[chuckles]
Girls, we give each other love
not toys and bags of money.
Very true.
I want to see Michelle.
Has she learned
to say grandma yet?
She's working on it.
Right now it sounds
like granola.
- You comin', Nick?
- No, I wanna finish my lecture.
Come here, girl.
Now, you can't expect presents
every time we pop over.
Here's five bucks
for both of you.
- Thanks, grandpa.
Oh.
But, remember
don't tell grandma.
- Got it.
Hmm, try this.
[sniffing]
I'd rather eat the spoon.
Why don't I make a nice
eggplant parmesan, huh?
Bless you.
Oh, what can I do to help?
Go to your room.
- I can do that.
- Yes.
Oh, I wanna eat that face
for dessert.
Thanks, Nick,
but I gotta run.
Well, Jesse should
be back any minute.
I've gotta get down to the
station and tape some promos.
- 'Bye, Michelle.'
- 'Bye.'
Michelle, I got your nose.
Where's your nose?
Where is it?
There it is.
You wanna ride the horse?
Come on.
Let's go ride the horse.
There you go.
[Nick groans]
Irene, I have a terrific idea.
Let's have another baby.
Sweetie, if your brain
was a pasture
the sheep would starve.
I read in the National Intruder
that a 95-year-old
great grandmother
gave birth to twins.
She had a 19-year-old boyfriend.
What are you saying?
Are you saying
I'm running outta gas?
What about last night?
Was I outta gas then?
You're a Texaco station, okay?
[chuckles]
Have mercy.
Kids in the room.
- Kids in the room.
- Hi, kids.
Uncle Jesse's back.
He's got big news.
- It's about time.
- Okay.
Joey!
Come here, girls.
Girls, come here.
Here's five bucks
for each of you.
- Thanks, Grandma.
Now, remember our deal.
Don't you dare tell Grandpa.
- Got it.
Me money.
I let you off work
this afternoon
for your little music hobby
but tomorrow I gonna
need you real early.
- Okay, dad, I got great news.
- So do I.
Fraser Street is crawling
with cockroaches.
It's an exterminator's dream.
So, what's the big news?
They bought it!
I sold my first jingle.
- Alright!
- Yeah!
Tss. Oh, the man is hot.
[chuckles]
- Pretty good, huh, pop?
- Good going.
Now, back to the real world.
Cockroaches.
Pick you up at 5 a.m.
We attack at dawn.
Ah. Finally, he puts up Sinatra.
There is a God.
I'm doing
a little redecorating.
You didn't call me up here to
talk about redecorating,
did you?
How did you know that?
Jesse, I gave birth to you.
I powdered your little tushy.
Stop with the tushy, mom.
Come on. Sit down.
Ma, I wanna talk to you
about my life and my music
and I hope you'll understand.
Oh, sure, I'll understand.
Hey, it's me.
I'm hip, I'm with it. I'm bad.
Who's bad?
I'm bad, you know it.
So, tell me
what you have to tell.
Okay, well, you know, I've
been working as an exterminator
to earn a living
until my band made it, right?
Well, selling this jingle
made me realize that
I can earn a living
playing music right now.
The bottom line is...I don't
wanna work with pop anymore.
[sighs]
I knew, this day was coming.
I was hoping, I'd be dead
when it did.
He's gonna flip out, isn't he?
You know, he's always dreamed
that you'd take over
the business and follow
in his footsteps.
But you..
'You gotta follow
your own dreams.'
So, you tell him
but when you do it,
do it with love, okay?
Love. Thanks, ma.
Uh, Francis Albert.
When he sings..
...you understand the words.
Yeah, well, you turned me
on to Frank, pop.
- You know your music.
- Greeks invented music.
And Italians perfected it.
Sit down a second, Pop.
I'm making a lot of changes
in my life.
You know, I cut my hair
I'm dressing nicer,
I'm growing up.
And I think it's time
that I made
a real commitment to my career.
Really?
You're finally ready
to be a partner.
This is great!
This is beautiful!
You know, son, 27 years ago
I started out with nothing
but a fly swatter and a dream.
Today...
over one billion squashed.
Uh, Nick, you're not listening.
He's trying
to tell you something.
Irene, when it comes to my son
I don't need your help.
Oh, really? I suppose when he
was born you went into labor.
What do you think carrying you
out to the car wasn't labor?
- Pop.
- Starting with weight again.
That was love weight, Nick.
Come on. Please, please.
Parents, come on, now.
Pop, I found a way to make money
doing something I love, music.
What you gonna make a living
with this, Mr. Musician?
How many records
have you sold?
Well, none.
How many bugs
have you killed?
- Millions.
- Uh, stick with a winner.
Pop, I can't do something just
because you want me to do it.
We're two totally
different people.
- We're the same.
- We're different.
- We're the same!
- We're different!
- Will you listen to me?
- Oh.
I've made up my mind, pop.
Meaning what?
Meaning...I quit.
You can't quit.
I built this business for you.
Daddy, it's not what I wanna do.
- Then quit.
- Okay, I quit.
Fine, if you're out
of the family business..
...you're out of the family.
- Pop.
- Nick.
[instrumental music]
"Goodnight clocks
and goodnight.."
Sock.
"Goodnight little house
and goodnight.."
Mouse.
Hey, Jess. Wanna help me
put Michelle to bed?
No. I just wanna watch
a great dad in action.
You listen to her, you try
to understand her problems.
You accept her for who she is,
her goals, her values.
She's a two-year-old.
Her goal is to eat with a fork.
Still, you respect that.
Michelle, let's cut the story
short tonight
because I think Uncle Jesse
needs me more than you do.
Okay.
Goodnight, little mouse.
Goodnight, Daddy.
Did you try calling your dad?
What's the point? He kicked me
out of the family.
The point is you're sitting
on the floor in the hallway
like a potted plant.
Jesse, let's talk
about it. Get up.
Come with me.
Look at this room, it's a mess.
Sorry, just slipped out.
Look, Jess, I know Nick.
He didn't mean it.
He's just a hot-headed
stubborn guy.
But underneath all that
anger...is more anger.
But underneath that is a man
who's really hurting
because he really loves you.
Well, he's gotta stop trying
to run my life.
I'm 25 years old.
He's gotta start accepting me
as an adult
who can make his own decisions.
It's my life, man.
I'm gonna do whatever it takes
to make me happy.
Good. Are you happy?
No, I'm miserable.
Jesse, you're not gonna be happy
until you do everything you can
to make things right
with your father.
You've gotta
reach out to him.
Come on. Sleep on it, okay?
- Alright.
- Think about it.
Goodnight, little mouse.
Goodnight.
What am I doing? It's 7 o'clock.
No dentist.
I'm not going.
May I help you?
Where am I?
In my bed. What are you
doing in here?
I don't know.
I had a bad dream.
I was running in a forest
and all the trees
were dentists.
And they were chasing me yelling
"Open wide, open wide."
It was just a dream.
How do I know you're not a dream
telling me it's just a dream?
- Ow!
- I'm awake.
You're supposed
to pinch yourself
you little nerd bomber.
I'm sorry,
but I'm not myself.
D.J., I'm really afraid
of the dentist.
That's because
you're a little kid.
A long time ago,
back when I was a little kid
I was afraid of getting sucked
down the drain in the bathtub.
- Really?
- Yeah.
So, when you were a year old
I put you in the tub
and pulled the plug.
And when you didn't go anywhere
I knew it was safe.
You tried to send me
down the drain?
Hey, you were only a year old.
I hardly knew you.
Stephanie, are you ready
to open your mouth?
Mm-mmm.
Then how am I gonna
fill your cavity?
Mmm.
Uh, Doc, why don't you
give us a minute?
I'll go find a nice toy, just
in case you change your mind.
Mm-mmm.
I know this isn't as much
fun as the circus but..
...you have to be brave.
So you know what you're gonna
need? Courage.
Courage? I mean
Mm-hmm?
Remember the cowardly lion
in The Wizard of Oz?
If I were king of the forest
riff riff.
See, the cowardly lion
thought he needed
the wizard
to give him courage
but he really had it all along,
and so do you.
Everybody keeps their courage
in a different place.
Me, I keep mine right here.
Where do you think
my courage is?
Well, I don't know.
But look, we're in luck.
A courage detector.
Last time I was here,
it was a spit sucker.
Well, it does that too.
Let's find out where
your courage is.
Beep beep beep beep
beep beep beep beep
beep beep beep beep..
[imitates alarm]
I found it. This is great.
Your courage
is inside your mouth.
- Really?
- Yeah, here, take a look.
See?
See in the back
of your throat there
that little hangy ball thing?
Hey, yeah, what is that?
Well, that's your
courage hangy ball.
I thought that was
there for decoration.
How are we doing here?
Wanna give it a try?
Well, okay.
You better not be kidding me
about this hangy ball business.
Michelle, since I'm out
of the bug biz
maybe you and I ought to
put an act together.
Taken on the road, huh?
Here, sing this.
♪ I got you babe ♪
Sing it.
♪ I got babe ♪
That settles it,
you be Sonny.
Sing it again.
♪ I got you babe ♪
♪ I want a babe ♪
Hi.
I thought you said
Barney Manilow
wasn't gonna be here.
Pop, I asked ma
to bring you over here.
I don't have anything to say.
Nick, find something to say.
I can't stand
seeing the two of you
not speaking
to each other.
There are two men in this world
that I love more than anyone.
Marcello Mastroianni
and one of you guys.
Come on.
So, how did you get here?
Did you take Market Street?
Market Street at this hour?
What am I, an idiot?
Is this why you
called me over here?
Pop, what are you
yelling at me for, man?
This is small talk,
we haven't got to the fight yet.
Oh, yes, we have.
If you think that
I'm gonna admit
that I was wrong,
you're crazy.
My only son quits
the family business, I mean--
Look who wants
to visit Grandpa.
This isn't fair. I was very
steamed, I wanna stay steamed.
Come here, my little angel.
It's Grandpa. Grandpa.
Nick, we have
a wonderful son.
He loves you very much
and you love him.
Now, forgive him
or we're getting
Ozzie and Harriet beds.
Come on, my angel.
Come on, that was good.
Pop, I want out
of the family business.
I don't want out
of the family.
Come on, Dad. What, what do
you think, I woke up yesterday
and say "What should
I do today, make an omelet
or break my father's heart?"
Dad, this is one of the hardest
things I've ever done.
But you can't throw me out
of the family.
I'm your son.
I didn't build a business
to sell to some stranger.
You really messed up my dream.
What about my dream?
Don't you want to
see me happy?
Yeah, yeah.
Then why can't you
be proud of me?
Who said I wasn't proud of you?
You're proud of me, really?
I mean, you're proud of me
for standing up to you
and doing what I believe in?
No, I hate that.
I told you, you really
messed up my dream.
But you came through
on another dream.
The one about you growing up to
be the kind of man I respect.
When your sister died,
may she rest in peace..
...the whole family
was devastated.
The way you moved in here
and you pulled us all together.
The sacrifices you made to help
Danny raise our granddaughters.
That really made me proud.
Thanks, pop.
But, I'm a musician.
And I want you to be proud
of me for that too.
I want you in my corner.
Uh, I guess,
I was a little rough on you.
Look, I'm never gonna be
happy about this music thing
but I'm always gonna be
in your corner.
I'm your old man.
Ma, you can
come back in now.
I never left.
Ta-da!
Look who's back
from the dentist.
It was great.
I got a Snoopy toothbrush..
...dental floss, cinnamon..
...and sugarless gum.
Very tasty.
For my next birthday,
forget the clown.
I want a dentist.
- Look.
- Show me.
[theme music]