[theme music]
(Jesse)
'Alright, here we go.
Let's go, Danny.'
- Okay.
- 'Here we go.'
This is for
our Christmas card.
Everybody look merry,
peaceful, and joyous.
- Okay.
- Here we go.
This is it.
Everyone say
"Christmas cheese."
(all)
Christmas cheese.
[telephone ringing]
- I'll get it.
- No, no, no!
- Come on. Here we go.
- Smile.
[theme music]
♪ Aah aah aah aah ♪
♪ Aah ♪
♪ Whatever happened
to predictability? ♪
♪ The milk man
the paper boy ♪
♪ Evenin' TV? ♪
♪ How did I
get to living here? ♪
♪ Somebody tell me please ♪
♪ This whole world's
confusing me ♪
♪ Clouds as mean
as you've ever seen ♪
♪ Not a bird
who knows your tune ♪
♪ Then a little voice
inside you whispers ♪
♪ Kid don't sell
your dreams so soon ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Everywhere ♪
♪ There's a heart ♪
♪ A hand to hold on to ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Everywhere ♪
♪ There's a face ♪
♪ Of somebody who needs you ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ When you're lost out there
and you're all alone ♪
♪ A light is waitin'
to carry you home ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Do be do ba ba ba ♪♪
[instrumental music]
Hi, merry Christmas
and happy Hanukkah
to all you viewers
of Wake Up San Francisco.
Well, I'm off
to Colorado for the first
annual Tanner family
Christmas reunion.
But through the magic
of home video
you're gonna see
it all
starting with
our Christmas tree.
Look, there it is..
...unflocked
and fire-retardant.
And, of course,
with the traditional
smoke-alarm angel on top.
♪ Outside the snow
is falling ♪
♪ And friends
are calling yoo-hoo ♪
- Yoo-hoo.
♪ Come on it's
lovely weather for ♪
♪ A sleigh ride
together with you ♪
- And you.
Thank you.
Well, there's my
brother-in-law, Jesse.
Hi, how are you?
Nice to see you again.
Guys, say something
to the viewers
of Wake Up San Fransisco.
Hey, you there on the couch.
Dig those kooky pajamas.
[both laughing]
Jess, anything
you wanna say?
Uh,just that Danny's
only taping this vacation
so he can write it off
as a tax deduction.
Memo to me.
Edit that out.
Oh, careful, Jess, the red bag
is full of
the girls' Chrismas presents.
- Right.
- Joey.
Remember to bring
your Santa suit?
Danny...I am psyched.
All week long I've been
working on my "ho, ho, ho--"
♪ Home home on the range.. ♪♪
Ah, here comes
my daughter Stephanie.
This happy little girl
is what Christmas is all about.
Daddy, I don't want to
go on this dumb trip.
Uh, Stephanie,
camera's running.
Try to be a little bit cuter.
I don't wanna go on
this dumb trip.
Daddy, Santa Claus will
never find me in Colorado.
He knows I live here.
Trust me, Steph
He'll be there
Christmas morning.
Well, just to make sure..
I drew this map
for Santa so he can find me.
It's got the north pole
"You are here."
And San Francisco.
"Stephanie was here ."
And Colorado,
"Stephanie will be here..
Christmas morning."
And this is a bird named Tony.
There, perfect.
Michelle, could you
keep a secret?
Okay, D.J.
Great, I've been
dying to tell someone.
I found out where dad hid
all our Christmas presents.
I just happened
to be wandering
through the crawlspace
in the attic.
Guess what?
I'm getting my new CD player.
Stephanie's getting
her roller skates.
And you are gonna be
rolling in new toys.
Toys!
You promised you wouldn't
say anything, remember?
And here's the Tanner family
getting ready for lift-off.
D.J., tell us
what's going on.
Well, dad, I'm getting ready
to buckle my seat belt
and return my seat back to
its original upright position.
I made a sign for Santa.
"Stephanie on board."
Look, Michelle,
we're gonna take a trip
with all these nice people.
- Say, hi, people."
- Hi, people.
Isn't this exciting? It's her
first trip on an airplane.
(all)
'Aw.'
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Whoever designed
these airline bathrooms
was not wearing pantyhose.
Excuse me.
Nice hat, ma.
You know, there are
gonna be a lot of grandsons
at this reunion...
none of them mine.
Pop, you promised you weren't
gonna bug me about this.
Nick, the boy's right.
Stop pestering him
about grandsons.
At least, wait until
he's married.
Thank you.
- By the way, when will that be?
- Mother..
- Hey, what are you doing here?
- 'Hey, Beck.'
- Hey, Becky.
- I don't believe this.
It's my co-host,
Rebecca Donaldson.
This tape is
for our show.
- Say something to our viewers.
- Hi, viewers.
I bet Danny's
making this tape
so he can write
off his vacation.
Well, I could do that
but it would be wrong.
Becky, I'm surprised.
I didn't know you were
going to Colorado.
Maybe, I don't know,
you and I
could slip away and
go skiing or something?
Well, thank you for asking.
But actually, I'm just
changing planes in Denver
because I'm going home
to Nebraska for Christmas.
You know, I've always
wanted to ski in Nebraska.
You are so cute.
Well, gotta
get a magazine.
That was Jesse Katsopolis
striking out.
Memo to you,
edit that out.
Oh, hey,
you're sitting in my seat.
I've got 1b, child.
No, I have 1b, adult.
That makes three of us.
It seems we've assigned three
people to the same seat.
- Silly us.
- Well.
I reserved that
seat three months ago
and that's where
I'm going to sit.
Well, I do have two
openings in first class.
Oh, I'll take one.
No, you reserved
that seat three months ago
and that's where
you're going to sit.
How would you two girls
like to sit in first class?
Okay! What is first class?
Well, it's behind that curtain.
It's a magic land
where people sit in seats
as big as sofas
and eat shrimp cocktail.
Okay, let's get
out of this dump!
Did you enjoy your dinner?
Well, the liver wasn't bad.
You had the chicken, sir.
In that case, it was awful.
First class is so rad.
We had lobster
and ice cream sundaes.
What did you guys have?
We had the
liver-in-a-chicken-suit.
Girls, come on.
It's the pilot's birthday
and they're gonna cut the cake.
(both)
Alright.
Rebecca's a nice girl.
Very pretty.
You two would make
a wonderful couple.
Yeah, I've tried, pop.
She just wants to be friends.
She's one of those girls
that...her career comes first.
Hey, I understand
that girls' lib stuff
but, uh, you gotta tell
'em who's boss.
- I didn't hear that.
- Good.
Jesse, hold up Michelle.
I wanna get a shot of her
little junior pilot wings.
Okay, here we go.
Hey, man.
Kid, can't you see
I'm trying to work here?
Smile, Michelle.
Kitty.
- Hey, hey, hey!
- 'Oh, uh..'
Sir, I'm really terribly sorry.
Uh, she loves animals.
Give me back my hair.
Oh, it's okay, Michelle.
Way to go, mister.
Make a kid cry on Christmas.
It's okay, Michelle. I'll sing
your favorite little lullaby.
Okay?
♪ Tall and tan
and young and lovely ♪
Everyone sing.
♪ The girl
from Ipanema goes walking ♪
Sing along.
♪ And when she passes
each one she passes ♪
♪ Goes "a-a-a-h" ♪♪
Your attention, please,
the captain has informed me
there's a heavy snowstorm
in the rocky mountain area
so we will be making
an unscheduled landing.
- Aw.
- What?
Sorry if I bummed you out.
Let's go, girls.
Hurry up, hurry up.
Daddy, daddy,
we can't stay here!
Don't worry, sweetheart.
I'm sure we won't be here long.
Ladies and gentlemen..
Due to this totally
incredible blizzard
flight 411, that's us, will
remain grounded until morning.
- What?
- What did you say?
So let me be the first
to wish you and yours
a very merry Christmas.
I spent months
planning this reunion
and now we're gonna miss it.
We're gonna spend
Christmas in an airport?
I told you we never should
have gone on this trip.
Santa will never find us now.
[instrumental music]
Operator, if Santa's not listed
then give me
the number for Mrs. Claus.
Hello?
How rude.
Somebody do something!
I can't get Santa on the phone.
He'll never find me here.
I'll handle this.
I know how to talk to kids.
Come here, shrimp.
Excuse me, uh..
Is your tribe sitting here?
Yeah. Why?
Well, then I'm sitting
wa-a-a-y over there.
Jesse..
Look at Rebecca over there.
She looks miserable.
Now's your chance.
Pop, what are you
talking about?
She needs comforting.
Times of crisis always
bring people together.
Trust me. I met your mother
the day Elvis got drafted.
Pop, that's taking advantage.
I.. It might work.
Hi, Becky, how you doing?
Oh, I'm doing okay, Jess.
It's just that
moving to San Francisco
has kind of made me homesick.
I was really
looking forward to spending
Christmas with my family.
Ten of us kids gathered
around a big turkey.
This was my year
for a drumstick.
Well, I'm sure my parents
would like to think of you
as part of my family.
It's been so long
since I've seen everyone.
You know, my little brother says
Janice has really blossomed.
Oh, yeah?
Is Janice your sister?
No, my cow.
I'm gonna call home
again. Excuse me.
What happened?
She went to call her cow.
Joey, where's the bag
with the presents?
I don't know.
It hasn't come in yet.
They lost the bag
with the presents?
- Joey, what are we gonna do?
- Maybe we should look for it?
You are so good under pressure.
And tomorrow morning when
you wake up, I guarantee you
the roller skates
you asked for will be here.
How can you be sure?
Rudolph, the red-nosed
reindeer will find you..
...because his nose
is radar.
All these years I thought
it was just a headlight.
Any luck finding the bag
with the presents?
Nothing yet.
This is horrible.
Daddy! Daddy! Good news.
D.J. explained it.
Santa will get here with
the presents because
Rudolph has red-nose radar.
Uh, Stephanie,
you know, red-nose radar
does not always work
in real heavy snow.
Are you saying
Santa's not coming?
Well, if he doesn't
make it here, I'm sure
he'll find you
in a couple of days.
But it's not the same.
It won't be Christmas morning.
Dad, what were you thinking?
I had her all cheered up
and then you
bum her out big time.
D.J., I think you're
old enough to hear the truth.
The airline lost our bag
with the Christmas presents.
What? No presents? You mean
they lost my new CD player?
How did you know you were
getting a CD player?
Did I say "CD player?"
Yes. That's exactly
what you just said.
Well, it doesn't matter.
I'm not getting it anyway.
Stephanie was right.
We should've never
gone on this trip.
This is the worst
Christmas ever.
This is not going well.
(Danny)
'Any ideas?'
Kitty.
Ho, ho, ho.
Santa Claus, you found me!
Merry Christmas.
(all)
Merry Christmas!
Who is that?
Santa claus.
Sit on my knee, Stephanie.
You know my name.
Well, I know
when you're sleeping.
I know when you're awake.
I know if you've
been bad or good.
So why are you so surprised?
I've tried so hard
to be good this year.
Well, I know that
you've been cleaning your room
and making your bed.
Hospital corners.
I also know that you ate
that last slice of cold pizza
that Joey
was saving for breakfast.
You do know everything.
I also know that
you've been very kind
to your family and friends.
Little girls like you make
the world a lot better place.
Come on, let's
go see Santa Claus.
Come here, little girl.
Ho, ho, ho, Michelle.
Ho, ho, Joey.
No, michelle, that's not Joey.
That's Santa Claus. See?
It is Joey!
Uh, no, no,
I'm, I'm Santa Claus.
Why, people all over the world
come up to me and say
"Aren't you Joey Gladstone?"
What a mean trick!
Oh, Stephanie, wait. Uh, um..
Santa can't be
everywhere at once.
So Joey is one
of Santa's helpers.
I cover all the airports.
No, you don't. And don't
try to make me feel better.
I'm going back
to my phone booth.
Poor kid.
What a rotten Christmas.
The presents are lost.
I broke Stephanie's heart.
The presents are lost.
I won't see
my family on Christmas..
...or my cow.
Did I mention
the presents are lost?
It's all my fault.
If it wasn't for me, we'd be
spending Christmas at home
instead of in
a baggage claim.
What's the matter
with you people?
The first Christmas was
in a manger, they did okay.
I mean, so what if we're stuck
in this crummy dump?
Christmas isn't about, about
presents or Santa Claus or cows.
It's about a feeling.
It's about, it's about people.
It's about us forgetting
about our problems
and reaching out
to help other people.
Christmas doesn't have
to happen in one certain place.
It happens in our hearts.
So, if you think about it
we could have Christmas
anywhere, I mean, even in a..
...even in a baggage claim.
D.J., what do
you see right there?
- 'Coat rack.'
- No.
I see a big,
beautiful Christmas tree.
Joseph, what
do you see back there?
Vending machines.
(Jesse)
'No.'
I see a Christmas dinner
with all the trimmings.
Pop, what
do you see back there?
- Conveyer belt.
- No.
I see..
Okay, yes,
that's a conveyer belt.
But the point
I'm trying to make here is
that we can give the kids
the best darn Christmas
they have ever had.
And you know why?
Because outside
the snow is falling..
...and friends
are calling yoo-hoo.
Come on.
♪ Outside the snow is falling ♪
♪ And friends
are calling yoo-hoo ♪
- Yoo-hoo!
♪ And now it's lovely weather ♪
♪ For a sleigh ride
together with you ♪
[indistinct singing]
[snoring]
[conveyer belt whirring]
Bye, daddy.
Michelle.
Come here, you little insomniac.
Hey, Merry Christmas.
Merry christmas, Michelle.
It's Christmas.
Wake up, everybody.
Merry Christmas.
It's Christmas!
In an airport.
Oh, darn!
- 'Merry Christmas.'
You did a great job.
It really does
look like Christmas.
It doesn't even matter
if there are no presents.
- Merry Christmas, Deej.
- Merry Christmas.
(D.J.)
'What's that?'
I don't know.
Everybody, stand back.
I'll handle this.
Jess, could you go
see what that is?
Ah, it's okay.
It's only Danny.
Probably dreaming
of a white Christmas.
Very funny.
You're alright?
Come on.
- Merry Christmas, frosty.
- Whoa!
Here, I'll get you
some hot coffee.
Does anybody have quarters
for the machine?
I do, but they're frozen
to my thigh.
Thanks, Jess.
Come on, Danny.
Sit down.
Whoo!
Jesse, what do you
see over there?
I see Becky
by the coffee machine, dad.
I see a woman
waiting to be kissed.
- Under the mistletoe.
- Pop!
Come on, the first time
I ever kissed your mother
was under the mistletoe.
Lasted till New Year's.
Hey, there are two things the
Katsopolis men are known for.
Kissing and great hair.
Merry Christmas, Becky.
Oh, Merry Christmas, Jesse.
Listen, I want you to know
if I can't be
with my family on Christmas
it's really nice
to be with your family.
Well, I'm happy
you're with us, too.
And, uh..
...I'm, I'm also
happy we're just..
...so happen to be
standing under the mistletoe.
- You know what that means.
- Jesse.
Oh, I know, I know you
just wanna be friends.
But believe me, I hate this
just as much as you do.
But it is a Christmas law.
Well, I am
a law abiding citizen.
Have mercy.
That was great.
I can't wait till
we can do that again.
Next Christmas.
Ho! Ho! Ho!
Hi, Joey.
Hi, Steph.
Merry Christmas, everybody!
(All)
Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas, Stephanie.
Wait a minute.
Are you really Santa?
Give it a tug.
Ooh!
It's a real beard!
That means, that means
that means you're
really Santa Clause.
And I want you to have
the merriest Christmas ever.
Oh, it's our Christmas presents.
Neat-o!
Can't believe this.
Thank you, Santa.
Hey, where'd Santa go?
He probably must've changed out
of your Santa costume.
[bells ringing]
I don't think so.
You guys, come here.
What do you make of this?
Look at the screen.
"Merry Christmas!
Ho ho ho!"
(All)
No!
I just saw
Santa Claus flying away.
- You think?
- I don't know what to think.
All I know is this turned out
to be a great Christmas.
- Let's go open the presents.
- Yeah!
- Let's go open the presents.
- Alright.
"Thanks for
the maps, Stephanie!"
You're welcome, Santa.
Come on, Steph,
we're gonna open presents
and sing Christmas carols.
♪ Deck the hall
with boughs of holly ♪
♪ Fa la la la
la la la la la ♪
♪ 'Tis the season to be jolly ♪
♪ Tall and tan
and young and lovely ♪
♪ The girl from Ipanema
goes walking ♪
[instrumental music]
♪ Aah aah aah aah ♪
[theme music]