[theme music]
- Two more, Michelle.
- Whoa.
- Put it in and blow it.
- Here goes the double.
- That's huge, Joe.
- Watch how I do it.
- Now, take it up, and blow it.
- Watch how big mine is.
O-oh, good!,
(Jesse)
'Lookout! Whoa!'
- Watch this Joey.
- Look at all these bubbles!
- Look at this, this one!
- Watch, watch!
Alright, not bad.
(Jesse)
'Watch.'
(Danny)
'Triple.'
Watch this.
Watch how many I can do.
Now, boys.
I don't mind you playing.
But I sure hope
you finished your homework.
- We finished our homework.
- Yeah.
[theme music]
♪ Aah aah aah aah ♪
♪ Aah ♪
♪ Whatever happened
to predictability? ♪
♪ The milkman the paper boy ♪
♪ Evenin' tv? ♪
♪ How did I get
to livin' here? ♪
♪ Somebody tell me please ♪
♪ This whole world's
confusin' me ♪
♪ Clouds as mean
as you've ever seen ♪
♪ Ain't a bird
who knows your tune ♪
♪ Then a little voice
inside you whispers ♪
♪ Kid don't sell
your dreams so soon ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Everywhere ♪
♪ There's a heart ♪
♪ A hand to hold onto ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Everywhere ♪
♪ There's a face ♪
♪ Of somebody
who needs you ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ When you're lost
out there ♪
♪ And you're all alone ♪
♪ A light is waiting
to carry you home ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Do be do ba ba da ♪
Okay, Michelle, daddy is gonna
make a home video of you
to show all the nice viewers
of Wake Up San Francisco.
Alright, when I say, "Action",
you walk over to the table
and you show everybody
how you eat like a big girl.
Alright, Michelle?
Alrighty.
Okay. Now, go to
the table and action!
No, no. No horsey,
no horsey, honey.
Sit at the table.
The table.
Horsey.
Okay, fine.
We'll make it a western.
Alright.
Okay, can you say
"Yipee-yi-o-kia?"
No.
Daddy, daddy. Guess what?
I did a hundred and three
hula-hoops at school today.
It was awesome.
(both)
One, two, three, four--
(Danny)
'Uh, Stephanie, honey,
I'm very happy for you'
but right now I'm busy
making a movie
about your adorable
little sister.
Daddy, I can be adorable too.
One, two, three,
four, five, six.
Stephanie...I'm very sorry
but this tape is just about
Michelle, I'll watch you later.
Oh, sure. Oh, sure. Oh, sure.
Oh, sure,
don't worry, Mr. Dryer.
You're gonna have the
"Sweat World Health Club" jingle
first thing tomorrow morning
just like we promised.
Yes, sir. How's it coming along?
Oh, we've got
a barrel full of good ideas.
Yeah, okay, yeah,
well, I gotta, I gotta go.
Yeah, another great idea just
hit me. Ha, ha. Okay. Yes, sir.
I promise.
Tomorrow morning.. Joseph!
...you'll have jingle magic.
Yes, sir, b-bye-bye.
Joseph, you are so immature.
Sorry, Jess.
I'm just frustrated.
We've got to get this jingle.
Okay, What's the problem?
I'm a funny guy..
Must be you.
Joseph, this is no time
to start turning on each other.
Now we..we make a great team,
man, we're the best.
We're the brightest.
This particular jingle's
taking a little extra
time because.. Well, because
we're holding up for quality.
Now check the trash again.
Hey, remember this one?
It's that rap thing we did.
We hated that three days ago.
Three days ago
I wasn't down on my knees
sifting through the garbage.
Good point. Get up.
- Okay.
- Jumping, right.
Let's try this..
[Joey and Jesse beatboxing]
♪ If your body's looking chubby
your friends call you tubby ♪
♪ And your wife's out shopping
for a brand-new hubby ♪
♪ Then you better stop crying
and start pumping iron ♪
♪ At the sweat, sweat, sweat,
sw-sw-sw-sweat world ♪
(both)
Yes! Whoa!
Alright, man. Very nice.
- That stinks.
- That was the worst.
Not good.
Guess what? I broke
the 1st grade record.
Watch me do 103 hulas.
- One, two, three..
- Steph, Steph.
- Four, five, six, seven..
- Steph, Steph, Steph, Steph.
- Eight, nine, ten.
- Steph, Steph, Steph!
Eleven, twelve,
thirteen...fourteen.
Steph, tell ya what,
we'll watch ya do it later.
Later?
I'm gettin' to hate that word.
Stephanie, we're sorry,
but your Uncle Jesse and Joey
are under tremendous pressure.
Guys, you gotta help me with my
science homework, I'm desperate.
Sorry D.J., you'll have
to wait until later.
Uncle Jesse and Joey
are under tremendous pressure.
Please, I really need your help.
I have to build some kind of
homemade thingy to drop an egg
two stories without breaking it.
- And it's due tomorrow.
- Tomorrow?
Your teacher only gave you one
day to do this homemade thingy?
Well, he gave us a
little more than a day.
How little more?
Maybe a day or two or...20.
Twenty?
You had 20 days to do this
and you waited till the last
minute, young lady?
Technically the last minute
isn't until
8.59 tomorrow morning.
You gotta start thinking
about law school.
Guys, if I fail
this science project
I won't get out
of the 6th grade.
Oh come on, Joey, please,
please, please, pretty please.
Well, okay.
Oh, sure go right
to Mr. Softy.
Joseph, we don't have time
to be dropping eggs.
Now, we gotta concentrate
on this jingle.
Now I'm gonna sit down right now
and come up with a great idea.
- Let's help the kid.
- Great idea.
95, 96, 97, 98, 99, 100--
Steph, look out.
We have work to do.
D.J., I was one hula away
from my record!
Sorry, Steph. But you happen
to be hooping in my laboratory.
Hey, what can we use
to build this thing?
Ah, anything around the house.
How about a suitcase
full of cotton?
Rule number 26.
"No suitcases full of cotton."
Hey, no fair. You said you
were too busy to play with me.
How come you are
playing with D.J.?
Stephanie , we are not playing.
This is for D.J.'s school.
Yeah, this happens to be
a sixth grade science project.
Well, pin a rose on your nose.
You're just too young
to understand.
I got it. I got a great idea.
We put the egg inside nature's
perfect shock absorber..
...a Twinkie.
Good thinking, Ding Dong.
Watch and be amazed.
Alright, let's give her a try.
Let 'er rip.
I'm too young for this? Sheesh!
La, la, la.
Okay, daddy, it's later.
Oh, Steph, Michelle was just
singing the cutest little song.
I learnt a new song
in school today.
♪ I write the songs that
make the whole world sing ♪
Steph, Steph..as happy as I am
to hear that the public schools
are keeping that song alive
I really have to get some
footage of Michelle
singing her little song.
♪ La la la la la la ♪
You think you're so cute.
Don't worry, be happy.
Oh, no, you are so cute.
♪ I've been alive forever ♪
♪ and I wrote the
very first song ♪
Sorry Mr. Bear,
my heart's just not in it.
Anyway, you're probably more
interested in D.J and Michelle.
Everybody else is.
No one cares what I do.
- Come on, Michelle.
- You're the best, Michelle.
(Jesse)
'Go.'
Hi, everybody. I've just got
back from Mars.
I'm the first kid in space.
Oh, that's nice, honey.
Wipe your feet.
Sshh, she's ready to do it now.
Don't mess up her concentration.
Ready?
She did it! She blinked.
(all)
She's so cute!
Excuse me, did anybody
hear me say "I went to Mars"?
Steph, Steph, later.
Michelle, for being so cute
and adorable
and such a good blinker...
Joey, tell her what she's won.
Well, Jess, cute, adorable,
blinking Michelle
has won Stephanie's bike.
Hurray!
- My bike?
- My bike.
You get my bike for blinking?
I've just got back
from the Mars. What do I get?
[doorbell ringing]
(all)
Get the door.
Hotdog.
[trumpet music]
- For me?
- No, for me.
Get off my rug,
you little nerd bomber.
(all)
D.J.!
O-oh.
- We missed you.
- My first born.
We're so proud of you.
What did she do?
I went to the mailbox
and got the mail.
But I went to Mars.
Look what I learned to do.
- D.J., D.J., D.J.
- You're the best daughter.
Alright, now let me
get this straight.
You walked all the
way to the mailbox
and back all by yourself?
Talk about guts.
It was scary, guys.
There were cracks
in the sidewalk.
(all)
O-oh!
Yoo-hoo. Up here.
A person is flying.
D.J., come on. Let's go into the
kitchen, get your party started.
Patrick Swayze is in there
and he wants the first dance.
I love being first born.
Oh, uh...Steph,
as long as you're up there
could you, uh...dust the top
of the mantel?
How rude.
How very rude.
[knocking on door]
Come in.
Hi, chief,
I wanna get a picture of you
and your hoop
for my scrapbook.
Smile.
Harry, you're the only one
who cares about me.
Your family cares about you.
No, they don't.
D.J. is the oldest, and Michelle
is the cutest, and I'm nothing.
I wish I could move out
but I'm stuck living here
until I get married.
- Tough break.
- Yeah.
Unless...you marry me.
Marry you? I'm not even
allowed to cross a street.
Married people are allowed.
Really?
Okay, I'll marry you.
Harry, you have to propose.
A girl waits her whole life
for this moment.
Get down on one knee.
Okay, chief.
I can see up your nose.
Harry, this is supposed
to be romantic.
Sorry.
I can see
up your nose, darling.
Never mind.
We'll get married today.
I'll call our friends
and we can get a house.
Then we won't have to put up
with D.J. and Michelle anymore.
I'll be Stephanie Takiyama.
And I'll be Harry Tanner.
I hope our egg-drop
thingy works.
D.J, how could it fail,
it's quite simple.
You see, we simply drop the
tinker toy frame to the ground
the elastic stretches,
taking in the impact
allowing the egg to remain in
its resting place...
..Michelle 's bootie.
Alright, pal, count it down.
Ninety nine, 98, 97..
...ninety six, 95, 94--
Will you stop that, huh?
Start at five.
I love getting you
all riled up.
Five, four, three, two, one.
- 'I'll get it.'
- Eggs away!
Good hands.
I'd like to take this
opportunity to thank you all
so very much for..
...allowing me
to play an important part
in my daughter's education.
We're here
for Stephanie's wedding.
Which way to the backyard?
Through the kitchen
and hang a left
Got it. Come on, gang,
right through here.
On the double, let's go.
Who are all these kids?
Well, that's Dopey,
Sneezy, Blinky
Moe, Curly, Shem, Spanky
and of course
Father Guido Sarducci
as the Beaver.
Well, what do you say guys?
Back to the drawing board?
Sorry, D.J, we gotta get
back to our Sweat world jingle.
- Come on, Joseph.
- Wait, hold it.
I got it.
All we do is slow it down.
Oh, that's good idea.
We do it like a ballad.
Like kind of a Sinatra thing.
♪ Meet me down
at Sweat world baby ♪
♪ Dooby-doo uh scooby ♪
Will you stop that, huh?
Not the jingle, the egg.
We slow it down
with a parachute.
Oh, yes! I'll try anything.
Let's go get a handkerchief.
Our careers are over, but we're
gonna pass 6th grade science.
Wait up.
Come on, Harry, let's get
this show on the road.
Are you sure you know
how to marry people?
My dad's a minister.
He's dragged me
to hundreds of these.
Music.
[air horns playing]
Dearly beloved, we are gathered
here today to join
Stephanie and Harry
in holy matress money.
Harry, do you take Stephanie?
I'll take her anywhere.
After we're married,
we can cross the street.
No, no, what he means is do you
promise to pay lots of attention
to me no matter what D.J. does
or how cute Michelle is?
Yeah, why not?
Now its time
for the wedding bows.
Now say I do.
- I do.
- I do too.
May I have the ring please?
Wait.
- Did you get a ring?
- Better.
I got a stick-on
tattoo of Scooby-Doo.
Lick your hand.
It's beautiful.
(all)
Ooh!
Stephanie and Harry
I now announce you man and wife.
You may kiss the bride.
(both)
Eww.
If you don't kiss,
you're not really married.
He's not a bad kisser.
- Are you ready?
- All set.
Jess, I think we got it.
Hanky parachute,
double Twinkie landing craft..
Now, Mr. Wizard,
we do have the technology.
Deej, let her rip.
Eggs Away take 2!
Yeah, alright!
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Alright, you're welcome.
Now, Joseph and I
have to get back
to our jingle for Sweat world.
Thank you, D.J.
You guys are geniuses.
Well, you know what Edison said
"Genius is 1% inspiration
and 99% perspiration."
What's that supposed to mean?
Means if you don't sweat it
you don't get it.
(both)
If you don't sweat it,
you don't get it.
That's it, Joseph. Alright, ah,
ah, lets put it with the music.
♪ If you don't sweat it
you don't get it ♪
♪ For the bod they'll admire ♪
♪ You got to perspire
down at the sweat world ♪
- Hey, come on in.
- And get pumped.
That's it! Let's go.
♪ If you don't sweat it ♪
- It's a good melody.
- Come on, honey.
Oh, come on.
Go around, go around.
Come here, you cutie.
People, I would like to make
a very important announcement.
I was married this afternoon.
Pardon me?
Hi, dad.
Well, don't you two make
a cute little bride and groom.
You could stand on top
of your own wedding cake.
Well, good bye, everyone.
It's been a great six years.
Harry, let's go house-hunting.
No, I have to go home.
Bye, Steph.
Bye, Pop.
Wait, wait.
You can't walk out on me.
Yes, I can.
Tonight's meatloaf night.
Great. Nobody wants me.
Steph? What do you mean
"Nobody wants you?"
Your family wants you.
Some family.
You didn't even care that
I broke the hula-hoop record
or went to Mars.
You went to Mars?
Maybe, we have been
a tad preoccupied.
Kiddo, we're, uh, we're sorry
if we ignored you.
We didn't mean to.
I think we were just little
caught up in what we were doing.
Well, now my science project's
done I can watch you hula hoop.
Forget it. It doesn't matter.
You're always gonna
be the oldest
and Michelle's always
gonna be the baby
and I'm always gonna be stuck
in the middle.
Hold it, Goldilocks.
See what I mean. I'm stuck
in the middle again!
- Stephanie.
- Sit down.
I understand
how you're feeling.
But there's another way
to look at this.
There's a lot of special things
about being in the middle.
Yeah, your pop's right.
Uh, take a bologna sandwich
for instance.
What's the best part
of a bologna sandwich?
The bologna.
- And where is the bologna?
- In the middle.
Bingo. Alright.
And, uh, Oreo cookie.
What's the best part
of an Oreo cookie?
Chocolate milk you dunk it in.
Come on, Steph. You know where
I'm going with this.
I know.
The cream is the best part.
Yes, Joseph. The cream.
And where is the cream?
In the middle.
Don't help.
It's in the..
- Middle.
- Right.
Steph, what all this bologna
and cookie talk is getting to is
every position in a family
is special in its own way.
Yeah, you're the only one in
the family who has a big sister
and a little sister.
That's true. What else you got?
Well, another good thing about
the being middle child is
a lot of the mistakes
we made raising D.J.
we won't have to make on you.
I'm getting depressed.
So far, I'm the soggy part
of the sandwich
and the throwaway part
of the cookie.
I like that.
Stephanie, come here.
You have to realize
that sometimes your sisters
are gonna need our attention.
But if you ever feel that you're
not getting your fair share
I want you to come
and tell us about it.
Really? I can do that?
You better.
Every time I get
a little busy with something
I don't want you to run off
and get married.
Me neither.
I don't know about
this husband thing.
One whiff of their mom's
meatloaf and they are gone.
Come here, you beautiful bride.
Me next.
Okay, Lay one on your Uncle J,
you know how it's done.
Alright.
Oh, well, come on.
Hug.
You know, I think this home
video would be so much better
if it had all three of my girls.
Let me see, you want to sing
"I write the songs"
or go for the hula-hoop record?
Daddy, I can do both.
(all)
Ooh!
♪ I write song that makes
the whole world sing ♪
♪ I write the songs of love
and special things ♪
♪ I write the songs that make
the young girls cry ♪
♪ I'm music
and I write the songs ♪
[instrumental music]
♪ Aah aah aah aah ♪
[theme music]