[theme music]
Now, you're never too young to
learn who's cute and who's not.
Now, Michelle,
this is George Michael.
Cute.
He was cute when he was with
Wham! He's graduated to rad.
Rad.
Now, this is Michael J. Fox.
The bad news is he's married.
The good new is,
he's our size.
Now, out of all these pictures
pick the cutest guy.
Big Bird.
Big Bird?
No one even knows
if he's a guy.
[instrumental music]
[Jesse Frederick singing
"Everywhere You Look"]
♪ Ahh ahh ahh ahh ♪
♪ Ahh ♪
♪ Whatever happened
to predictability ♪
♪ The milk man
the paper boy evenin' TV ♪
♪ How did I get to livin' here ♪
♪ Somebody tell me please ♪
♪ This old world's
confusing me ♪
♪ Clouds as mean
as you've ever seen ♪
♪ Ain't a bird
who knows your tune ♪
♪ Then a little voice
inside you whispering ♪
♪ Kid don't sell
your dreams so soon ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Everywhere you go ♪
♪ There's a heart ♪
♪ A hand to hold onto ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Everywhere you go ♪
♪ There's a place ♪
♪ Of somebody who needs you ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ When you're lost out there
and you're all alone ♪
♪ A light is waiting
to carry you home ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Ahh ahh ahh ahh ♪
♪ Chip-a-dee-ba-ba-dow ♪♪
[instrumental music]
Oh, good work, Michelle.
I am very proud of you.
Now.
Honey, now I'm gonna teach
you the Tanner family motto.
"Clean is good
and dirt is bad."
Dirt bad.
The future is in good hands.
[laughing]
Stop! I just finished
cleaning the floors.
Daniel, something
to think about.
If you hang a vine up here
we can swing in like Tarzan.
Aah! Aah!
- We're trapped.
- No, no, we're not.
Observe, Joseph.
Jess, don't get any dirt
on the paper towels.
"Dirt on the paper towels.
Dirt on the paper towels."
[both laughing]
Look at those
nutty guys, Michelle.
If it wasn't for me, Joey
and Jesse would never have met.
Now, they're inseparable.
Isn't life ironic?
Yup!
(D.J.)
'Dad, we're home.'
Stop.
Dirt bad.
No. Dad taught Michelle
the Tanner family motto.
Deej, I'm working on
a new Tanner family motto.
Don't make fun of dad until you
can afford your own apartment.
Okay, here we go,
Michelle. Good girl.
Okay.
These are for you.
Come on, Harry,
let's do our math homework.
Forget it.
I can't learn subtraction.
I'm gonna quit school
and join the Boy Scouts.
I don't want my boyfriend
to be a first-grade dropout.
How embarrassing.
Okay, look,
if you have four oranges.
And then you take away two.
How many do you have left?
- Two.
- That's subtraction.
- Very good, Harry.
- Thanks, D.J.
You're the smartest
woman in the world.
Oh, yeah, four minus two.
Real genius.
D.J., can you tell me
where babies come from?
Harry, stick to fruit.
Well, Jess, here we go.
Our first cup of coffee
in our new office.
Alright, Joseph, here's to
Double J Creative Services.
Um-huh.
Well, next time,
we gotta remember
to plug that coffee machine in.
Alright, Joseph, now that we're
using your room as our office
we gonna have to do a little
redecoration in this joint.
Look at this place,
you got hockey dummies
you got puppets
nailed to the wall
you got Mr. Potato Head here.
Hey, come on, it makes
the room fun.
Fun? Joey, this
is not fun to me.
It's like working
in Pee-Wee's Playhouse.
That's right, boys and girls.
And today's secret
word is, office.
Joey, I'm seri..
I'm serious.
I know you are, but what am I?
[laughs]
[imitating Pee-Wee's laugh]
Alright! Alright, I give up
with you.
Hey, I like what you've
done with your office.
Office!
[laughing]
Joseph, you are a knuckle head.
Oh, come on now. Cut it out!
[laughing]
Hey, Joey. It's Jesse's
turn to babysit tonight.
Why don't we grab a bite in
China Town and go catch a movie?
Sounds great,
why don't we pick up
some pizza first
and play some pool?
[telephone ringing]
Hello.
Hi, man.
Hold on. Jesse!
Well, it looks like
we found ourselves a secretary.
Thank you, Michelle.
Hello. Double J Creative
Services, J speaking.
Joey, it's the boss.
Yes, sir. What's up,
Mr. Malantesta?
Oh, no. Oh, no.
What's wrong?
Ah, we got a major crisis with
the Chippy Chunk Nut
Cookie account.
It seems they found
more chunk nuts than chippies
in the chewy chocolates
so all the chewy chocolates
chippy chunk nuts
have to be called
Nutty Chewy Chunk Chips.
How can they do that?
How can they say that?
Uh, yes sir.
We'll take care of it.
Thank you, sir.
Well partner, looks like
we're gonna work tonight.
- Sorry, Danny.
- I'm sorry too.
I've been looking forward to
this for at least 30 seconds.
Hey, why don't we
hang out tomorrow?
Nah, tomorrow's bad.
I'm supposed to go over
next week's shows with Rebecca.
I got an idea. I'll just ask
her to move it to Sunday.
Why don't we go down
to the gym
and shoot
some hoops like old days?
Sounds great. Same stakes?
Yep. Loser does
the other guy's homework.
[telephone ringing]
- I'll get it.
- Uh-huh.
We have a secretary
now, remember?
Hi, man.
Bye, man.
That's it, young lady.
You're fired.
Pack your stuff
and get out of our office.
- Office. Ahh!
- Ahh!
Ahh!
[laughing]
[instrumental music]
- Mail call.
- Anything for me?
Uh, let's see.
"Resident", that's for you.
"Occupant", that's for you.
"Detergent sample.."
(together)
That's for dad.
- Hi, ladies.
- Hi, Harry.
Oh, Harry, an I love you
lollipop. You are so sweet.
Thank you. It's for D.J.
You're in love with D.J.?
Harry Takiyama,
how can this be true?
Sorry, chief,
but ever since yesterday
all I want to do is subtract.
Wanna have lunch tomorrow?
Uh, thanks for asking, Harry.
But lucky for me, I'm having
lunch with Kimmy tomorrow.
No problem. I'll bring
a friend, we'll double.
- See ya, honey.
- Oh, Harold, honey?
- Harold?
- Bye, chief.
Don't call me chief.
You rat! You skunk!
You skunky rat!
You stole my man!
Man? I have Ken dolls
bigger than him.
[whistling]
Danny, come on. Gumby doesn't
stretch as much as you do.
Proper warm-up prevents injury.
Okay, I'm ready. Let's go.
- Play ball.
- Alright.
Hey, look, the girls
locker room's open.
The only reason I still fall
for that
is because the one time
it really was open.
- Okay, your ball out.
- Okay.
Oh! Look, a glacier
passed by the window.
Isn't this great?
It's just like the old days.
I'm still taller then you.
Remember the last
time we played?
July 29th, 1972.
It was raining.
You got mad because
I fouled you with my umbrella.
[chuckles]
- Joseph.
- Hey, Jess, what's up?
Guys, we're in the middle
of a game.
Traveling. My ball.
Great news, pal.
We saved the cookie account.
That is great news.
Danny, uh, my mom's
watching the girls.
I'm going over to Hippo's.
A bunch of us from the agency
are gonna celebrate the way
we turned Chippy Chunk-nuts
into Nutty-Chewy Chunk Chips.
Hey, I'm your partner.
I'm going with you.
- Bye, Danny.
- Uh, Jesse.
I promised Danny
that I'd play basketball--
Oh, no, no.
Don't let me ruin your fun.
Go, party with strangers.
Hold on, Jesse.
Danny, we'll play sudden death.
We'll finish the game.
Next basket wins.
Thanks for squeezing me in, pal.
- Hurry up. I'll wait for you.
- Alright. Here we go.
Foul on the big man.
I got wristing.
Wristing? What the heck
is wristing?
You hit me on the wrist.
You got a better name for it?
I hit all ball.
Jesse, you saw it.
Did I wrist him?
Pal, you did hit
him on the wrist.
So if there's such
a thing as wristing
I'd have to say,
yes, you wristed him.
Oh, okay, fine. Take his side.
What else is new?
Thanks for the game.
It's nice hanging out with you.
Real quality time.
Danny, we'll play later.
What's the big deal?
If I have to explain it,
then, I don't know
why we were friends
in the first place.
Danny, you're acting
like a little kid.
I am not. Now, give
me back my ball.
[instrumental music]
Hi, D.J.
Michelle, what are you
doing in here?
I don't know.
Here's the rest
of your stuff, Michelle.
Thanks for switching rooms
with me.
Stephanie, there's no way
I'm sharing a room
with a two-year-old.
There's no way I'm sharing
a room with a no-good
skunky, ratty, rotten,
lame-oid boyfriend stealer.
Would you get off this?
Harry's a first-grade kid
with a crush
on an attractive older woman.
Watch out, Michelle.
She'll be your best buddy until
you've got something she wants.
And then nothing is safe.
Michelle, don't believe her.
You know you can trust me.
My bunny.
[buzzing]
Well, it had to happen.
The vacuum cleaner
finally turned on him.
[laughing]
Danny, what's going on with you?
Why'd you walk off
the court today?
Oh, no, you don't. Don't give me
the vacuum treatment.
Hey, never pull my plug
when I'm cleaning.
Never point your finger at me
unless I've food on my face.
- Never tell me what to do--
- Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
Fred, Ethel.
Look, man, are you guys gonna
let a basketball game
break up a 20 year friendship?
The only reason we became
friends in the first place
was because the day we met,
I saved his butt.
Oh, you got that all backwards,
Jack. I saved your butt.
Excuse me,
but if my memory serves me
and it always does,
it happened exactly like this.
We were in the fifth grade.
We just finished lunch.
I remember, it was macaroni
and cheese and Jell-O cubes.
No, wait a second, I traded
the Jell-O cubes for succotash.
I don't like Jell-O cubes
'cause they got pieces of fruit,
they get stuck in your teeth.
Just tell the story, huh?
Okay. The year was 1968.
We were sitting
in front of school on a bench.
(Danny)
My nose was bleeding...again.
Off to a bad start at your
new school, Joseph Gladstone.
Clowns belong in the circus,
not in the schoolyard.
Now, unless you wanna be
suspended on your first day
sit right here
and don't move a muscle.
How's that nosebleed, Daniel?
Clotting nicely.
Thank you, Miss Borland.
Who wants a kiss?
(together)
Ew.
[chuckles]
What's the matter?
Doofy Danny got a boo-boo?
You threw the ball at my head
when I wasn't looking.
Oh, well, you're looking now.
Made you flinch.
Hey, I, uh, like your hair.
- Thanks.
- Who cuts it, Roto-Rooter?
- Oh, yeah?
- Good comeback.
Is that your head,
or did your neck blow a bubble?
Hey, thank you,
thank you. Cut it out.
Where'd you get
all those great jokes?
This book,
"A Thousand and One Insults."
Pretty groovy, huh?
Hey, one at a time.
There's the kid
who was picking on me.
That's it.
I'm calling your parents.
- But--
- Wait, Miss Borland.
That boy's lying.
Joseph has been a perfect angel.
Tanner's the liar.
That's not possible.
Daniel Tanner's never been
in trouble a day in his life.
Let's you and I visit
the principal, Sheldon.
(together)
Sheldon?
[laughing]
Thanks, man.
You saved my life.
- You saved me first.
- We saved each other.
That means we're soul brothers.
To make it official,
we each have to bury
something real important to us.
Bury something?
Won't we get dirty?
It's okay,
I'll be careful.
Good. Let's do the soul shake.
Until you learn to stop chasing
the girls, Jesse Katsopolis..
...you're gonna sit
right here with me.
Have mercy.
I remember that teacher.
I used to have fantasies
about Miss Borland dancing
on "Laugh-In" with sock it
to me painted on her tummy.
Sorry. Anyway.
That was a beautiful story, man
you guys were there
for each other.
Were there for each other.
I should have
let Sheldon cream you.
Come on, guys, don't you
realize how lucky you are?
I mean, I wish I had one
good friend all these years.
You have history. You guys
buried something together.
You're soul brothers.
All in the past.
I'm gonna dig up that box
we buried
'cause I don't want
my stuff resting next to yours
for all eternity.
Well, I'm going with you
because I want my stuff too
and I don't remember
where we buried it.
Well, that just says it all.
Miss Borland. I wonder
if I still have her number.
Sorry, Michelle,
but you can't live here.
Now, go back to your room.
No, this is my room.
You live with D.J. now.
Michelle, don't listen to her.
Go back to your room.
What a day?
Hi, Steph. Hi, honey.
- Your boyfriend's here.
- He is not my boyfriend.
All I did was teach him
how to subtract.
You hypnotized him with oranges
and you put him
in a love trance.
Alright. Enough of this.
Everybody step into my room.
We're gonna play a game of
Junior Love Connection. Come on.
I'd rather play Divorce Court.
Michelle, what are you doing?
Don't read my mail.
That's personal.
What am I saying?
Alright. Come on, now. You go
to your own little room, okay?
What room?
Oh! First she reads my mail,
then she gives me lip.
Come on, get out of here.
Alright. D.J., Harry, come here.
Now, D.J., as nicely
as you can tell Harry
how you really feel about him.
Kid, you don't have a prayer.
Nicer, huh?
Look, Harry,
don't blow a good thing.
You already have a great girl
right here, Stephanie Tanner.
Sorry, chief. Forgive me?
In your dreams.
What Harry is trying to say is,
I've made a big mistake.
The biggest mistake of my life.
Come on, chief. Don't forget
the good old days. Kindergarten.
Please, I'm begging you.
Take me back. Take me back.
Oh, Harry, I forgive you.
Oh, I'm so happy. Shake.
There you go.
Okay, you're my boyfriend again.
Great. Aw.
What was that for?
You're it!
Love is weird.
Trust me, babe.
It gets a lot weirder.
Danny, come on, you dig slower
than you play basketball.
There goes that glacier again.
You think you can do better?
Here. You dig.
Okay. I hit something.
I don't believe this.
- Wow.
- This is it.
Oh, man.
It's my old Giants cap.
My very first insult book.
What's this?
That's the pledge.
I forgot all about this.
"This is to prove
that on February 23rd, 1968
"we pledge on our most
sacred possessions
"to be soul brothers for life
even if one guy moves
"real far away. Right on.
"Get down. Stay funky.
Signed, Daniel Ernest Tanner
and Joseph Alvin Gladstone."
We have horrible middle names.
The worst. But we kept
this pledge, didn't we?
It's amazing.
When we were growing up.
Man, we did everything together.
We're still doing
everything together.
Yeah, but...Joey..
it's not the same.
I feel really stupid
saying this, but, uh..
...ever since you and Jesse
became good buddies..
...and now you're partners..
...I don't know,
I feel...left out.
Is that what this is all about?
Why didn't you just
tell me this in the first place?
I didn't want you
to get the wrong idea.
I'm glad
you and Jesse are friends.
I just miss the way
our friendship used to be.
Danny, I live in your house.
I'm helping you
raise your girls.
I've always been
your best friend
and I'll always
be your best friend.
Says so right here
in the pledge.
I've been acting like a jerk.
No. Yes, you have.
But you had a good reason.
Danny, I'm sorry,
I've been taking
our friendship for granted.
But just remember this.
No matter what happens, we're
always there for each other.
Hey, what do you say
we'd bury this stuff again
and come back when we're
little old men and dig it up.
Yeah, by then,
I'll be so shriveled up
this cap might fit me.
[laughing]
- Okay. Here's my cap.
- My book.
The pledge.
Wait a minute.
Something's missing here.
You guys are nuts, man,
I had to stash the girls
at the Gibblers' rush down here
just to bring you my blow dryer?
Sorry, we needed
your most prized possession.
Sign here.
"This is to prove that Danny T.,
Joey G. and Jesse K.
are official soul brothers,
pals and best friends forever."
Oh, you guys
don't have to do this.
- I mean, this is your thing.
- Now, it's our thing.
We're all in this together.
Thank you, guys. I'm touched.
But my blow dryer?
Alright.
But if my hair
looks like hell tomorrow
I'm coming back here
and diggin' that thing up.
[chuckles]
Well, now, we all gotta do
the official
soul-brother handshake.
Oh, come on, guys,
isn't this a little silly?
We could all hug.
Let's do the shake.
- Okay. Watch.
- Goes like this.
[instrumental music]
♪ Ahh ahh ahh ♪♪
[theme music]
[music continues]