Let me see your tummy.
Let me see it.
Oh, my gosh, you're getting
fatter than your Uncle Jesse.
Quick.
Put the sweater on.
No, I do it.
You sure you
don't want any help?
No, I do it.
Oh, feeling a little
independent, are you?
Okay, that's fine with me.
I'll just sit down
and catch up on my Dr. Seuss.
[whistling]
Help!
[laughing]
Come here, you. Alright, quick.
I'm gonna put that.
We gotta put
the hand through there.
And now we put
the head through there.
And then we put this there,
and then..
Ah, gosh, I told you
it was a two man job.
I did it.
Well, I helped.
I did it.
No, I helped.
- I did it.
- No, I did it.
No, I did it.
[Jesse Frederick singing
"Everywhere You Look"]
♪ Ah ah ah ah ♪
♪ Ah ♪
♪ Whatever happened
to predictability ♪
♪ The milk man
the paper boy evenin' TV ♪
♪ How did I get to livin' here
somebody tell me please ♪
♪ This old world's
confusing me ♪
♪ Clouds as mean
as you've ever seen ♪
♪ Ain't a bird
that knows your tune ♪
♪ Then a little voice
inside you whispers ♪
♪ Kid don't sell
your dream so soon ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Everywhere you are ♪
♪ There's a heart ♪
♪ A hand to hold on to ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Everywhere you go ♪
♪ There's a face ♪
♪ Of somebody
who needs you ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ When you're lost out there
and you're all alone ♪
♪ A light is waiting
to carry you home ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Do be do ba ba da ♪♪
[instrumental music]
So, Jess, any thoughts
on that muffler commercial yet?
No, I found something
very interesting.
If you shake a pencil
just right
it looks like it turns
to rubber, see?
Hey, you guys working?
No.
Snitch.
Oh, man,
I love this time of year.
First spring cleaning
and now it's income tax time.
[phone ringing]
I get it.
Hello.
Hi, lady.
I went poo poo
in the potty.
I hope that's
a wrong number.
Will you
give me that, huh?
Double J Creative Services,
J..
Oh yes, right here.
Can I say who's callin'?
Hold on a second.
Joey, it's a Patty Fogerty.
Patty?
Fogerty.
Hold on, please.
Who is Patty? Fogerty.
She's my old girlfriend
from college.
I can't talk to her.
Joey, say hello.
Jess, you don't understand.
Patty was the one.
I was gonna
ask her to marry me.
Until she walked out on you.
No phone call, no goodbye.
She left me a note.
On her new
boyfriend's stationery.
Ouch.
Face it, Joey
she just ripped
out your heart
and threw it
on the ground
and did
the Mexican hat dance on it.
Oh, look, here he is now.
- Talk.
- Don't worry. I'll talk to her.
But, I'm not
going to see her.
Hello, Patricia.
Come on over.
My address is 1882 Girard.
I'll see you tonight at seven.
Mm-hmm.
Alright.
Hey, she said, "Please."
Why don't you just leave
your heart on the doorstep
so she can
wipe her feet on it.
Daniel, can't you see this was
the great love of his life, man?
We're talking
about romance here.
Besides, my boy can make
his own decisions.
Now, Joseph, what you're
gonna do is, you gonna see her
you gotta tell her everything
you always wanted to say
and then you gotta sweep her
right off her feet.
See, he can make
his own mind up.
As you can see,
I have here an empty tube.
Michelle, say the magic words.
Please and thank you.
Ta-da.
(both)
Yay!
Good magic.
Let me do the trick
you taught me.
And now,
the ball of mystery.
♪ Ta ra re ra ra ♪
♪ Ra ra ra ra ra ♪
♪ Ra ra ra ra ta ra ra ♪♪
D.J., you dropped
your ball of mystery.
- Thanks.
- Hey!
So I have three hands.
So what?
Let's get back
to some real magic.
I need two volunteers.
Me, me, me.
I'll pick you and you.
Aw, nut.
I have here a pair
of solid steel handcuffs.
Now, have we ever met before?
Unfortunately, we have.
I place the handcuffs
on my two lovely volunteers.
This better work.
Now, I take
the magic scarf
and place it
over the handcuffs.
Let me make sure
they're good and tight.
Okay. Hmm.
Presto change-o.
You're free.
I'll go home
and get the key.
If your dad finds out,
he'll call my mom
and she'll tell my brother
I took his magic set.
And he'll make
my life disappear.
He already made
your brain disappear.
Still doing your taxes?
Why don't you fill out
the short form, man?
It took me ten minutes.
You wouldn't ask such
silly questions if you
would take the time
to read your tax codes.
Study, learn, save.
Snooze.
You may be entitled
to a refund of hundreds
maybe thousands of dollars.
Give me that book.
Whoa! Whoo!
[claps]
Well, what do you think?
Joey, don't try
to impress her.
What, I just wanna
show her
what she gave up
ten years ago.
Yeah.
[doorbell ringing]
- I don't know if I can--
- No, no, no.
Just do
everything we worked on.
Be cool, be smooth.
Be a heart breaker.
- Okay.
- Go get 'em, killer.
Joseph,
the fly, the fly.
Joey. Hi.
Hi, Patty.
You look great.
Did, uh,
did you bring back
my Peter Frampton album?
Oh, you're still
making me laugh.
Um, this is my roommate,
Jesse Katsopolis.
- Hi. How are ya?
- Hi. Yeah, fine.
Joey's told me
so much about you.
Yeah?
Uh, nothing specific,
you know, mostly good things.
They were vague,
but-but good things.
Who is this woman?
Patty, you remember Danny.
- Hi.
- Danny, hi.
How you doin'?
Boy, seeing you
and Joey together
brings back
so many memories.
I'll bet seeing
you brings back
a few memories
for Joey too.
Yeah.
I think it's great.
You and Danny are
still friends..
Reminiscing always
makes me feel like dancing.
Patty, why don't we go
down to my room.
It's kind of hard to talk
in the middle of a fiesta.
Oh, come on.
You look depressed.
Cheer up.
Read the tax code.
So I moved in here
to help Danny raise
the three girls and everything
seems to be workin' out great.
You haven't
changed a bit.
Oh, Joey.
Patty, just out of curiosity,
why are you here?
Well, I was married for a while
and I just got divorced.
And I started thinking when
was the last time in my life
I was really happy?
When I was with you.
I just wanted to touch
that part of my life again.
Yeah, there were a lot of great
times, but, Patty, come on--
Oh, Popeye!
You still have
the doll I gave you.
Oh!
You remember the first time
you did the voice for me?
Yeah, it was
right after our first kiss.
[chuckles]
Remember, I went,
"He-ge-ge! Whoa!"
You know, anytime I need
a really good laugh
I think about
the first time I saw you.
Oh, no.
Not halftime
at the homecoming game.
Yep.
Fifty six thousand people
waiting to see the crowning
of the homecoming queen
and there's this maniac
streaking the full length
of the football field.
Buck naked.
I was not buck naked.
I was wearing high tops
and a Nixon mask.
I miss all the fun we had.
It was a lot of fun,
wasn't it?
Until you
walked out on me.
How could you do that to me?
You never even said goodbye.
You just took off
with Michael Winchester
and left me a lousy note.
Do you know how much that hurt?
Do you have any idea
what you put me through?
Look, I wanted to say goodbye,
I just couldn't face you.
I'm so sorry.
I still don't know
why you left me for Michael.
Because despite all the fun
we were having
I needed some romance
in my life.
I wanted someone
to sweep me up in their arms
and say, "I love you."
I said, "I love you."
Yeah.
As Bullwinkle,
Yosemite Sam, Elmer Fudd.
I wanted to
hear you say it.
I can't believe you didn't know
how I felt about you.
Patty, I wanted to spend
the rest of my life with you.
You know, for ten years,
I've wondered what it would
feel like to hold you again.
How does it feel?
Wonderful.
I really did love you.
I don't think
I ever stopped.
♪ Doing my taxes
is really neat ♪
♪ And I'm so cool
I saved all my receipts ♪♪
Alright, if this long form's
really gonna make me more money,
let's get to it.
I found these receipts
from last year.
Alright, let's start
with this one.
Oh, this is good,
this is where I took my boss
to nice lunch there.
We got, uh,
two quarter pounders
and a French fry.
Now, would that be
considered a "McWrite-Off?"
Get it?
Come on. "McWrite-Off."
I'm sorry, Jesse.
I'm just worried about Joey.
How long does it take to say
"Patty, I never
wanna see you again?"
Don't worry about it.
I just hope he doesn't
fall back under her spell.
[laughing]
See?
Nothing to worry about.
Now.
- We made it.
- Hi, guys.
Ah!
- Don't do that.
- Did you get the key?
No.
(both)
No?
The key is in Reno
with my brother.
But the good news is,
he'll be back tomorrow morning
to pick up
his unemployment check.
[knock on door]
(Danny)
'Girls.'
Please don't get me
in trouble.
The bed.
Oh, Mr. Tanner.
I had to come by
and give you a goodnight hug.
Thank you, Kimmy.
Oh, your mom called.
I don't know why,
but she wants you home.
- I'll see you in the morning.
- You better.
Why are you two
in the same bed?
I love my little sis.
And I love my big sis.
You see, I always told you
this would happen.
As you get older, you're
gonna grow closer and closer.
Dad, we couldn't get any closer
than we are right now.
[Daniel laughing]
- Goodnight, girls.
- Goodnight.
This is so sweet.
This is a nightmare.
What now?
I guess we go to sleep.
D.J., I can't sleep
on my back.
No way.
- There. Are you settled?
- Yes. Are you settled?
Yes. Goodnight.
Goodnight.
- D.J.?
- What?
I think I drank too much
lemonade after dinner.
Oh!
Come on, come on, come on.
Okay, Michelle, it's time
to finish Uncle Jesse's taxes.
Now, can you help me add up
all these numbers?
Do you know
how smart you are?
Daddy smart too.
"Daddy smart too."
And not a witness in the room.
Danny, are we done yet?
We've been up all night.
Jesse, I am about to make you
a very happy man.
According to your short form
you were getting back
a measly $352 tax refund.
But thanks to using the long
form, you are now entitled to..
...pay the government $48.17.
I have to pay?
I've been up all night with you.
Haven't I paid enough?
Don't worry, be happy.
[operatic singing]
♪ Love love
everywhere there's love ♪
♪ Love is here
love is there ♪
♪ Love is even hiding
under the chair ♪♪
Ho, ho, ho!
Were you out all night,
young man?
♪ Yes I was
yes I was ♪
Were you with Patty?
♪ Yes I was ♪
[squeaking]
♪ Yes I was
Ho ho ho ♪♪
Hey, Pavarotten. Wait up.
I want some details.
Look, daddy.
Oh, no, Michelle,
what did you do?
Table all clean.
Yes, table all clean.
Oh, I've taught you well.
But I think,
I've created a monster.
[growling]
(Daniel)
'Oh, no.'
Oh, no.
It's the monster.
[growling]
Then Patty and I went
back to all our old hangouts.
We talked about all
our old friends.
She laughed
at all my old jokes.
I've heard your old jokes.
She must be in love with you.
Joey, listen, there's
millions of fish in the sea.
Why pick the fish that you know
is gonna break your heart?
Danny, I'm back with Patty.
It feels great.
Now, why can't you
just be happy for me?
Well, maybe I have been a little
down on this whole thing.
A little?
Don't you remember..
I'm sorry, Joey.
I just don't wanna
see you get hurt again.
Don't worry, this time
I'm gonna do it right.
Tonight,
I'm cooking Patty dinner
and I am going
to be Mr. Romance.
Well, actually that name's
taken already.
Oh, hey, girls.
What do you want for breakfast?
Uh, we just came to say
that we're not hungry.
Girls, wait a minute.
Come here.
You're wearing
the exact same clothes
you were wearing yesterday.
So is Joey.
Well, that's because I had
so much fun in them yesterday
that I woke up early, washed
them and put them back on again.
Us too.
Hi, Tanners.
D.J., bad news.
My brother's
staying in Reno for a week.
You can't get the key?
Let me at her.
Whoa!
Kimmy, did you handcuff
my daughters together?
Boy, nothing gets by you.
Alright, no problem.
Those are magic cuffs.
Had 'em when I was a kid.
Very simple.
I'll need an assistant.
Not you.
Kimmy.
Now, we simply place an ordinary
apron over the handcuffs
and the lovely and talented
Miss Gibbler
sticks her hands under.
And...abracadabra!
Alright!
Hey, this isn't funny.
Get these off.
Mmm, I don't know, girls.
Should I take them off?
(both)
Nah.
Sorry, babe.
Wait. Don't go.
I'm stuck.
Boy, nothing gets by you.
May the magic of this moment
live forever.
Oh, how sweet.
[clink]
Hmm.
You know what this spaghetti
reminds me of?
Come on. Remember?
Come on.
That's a little silly,
don't you think?
Oh, for old times' sake.
Well, "Lady And The Tramp"
was the most
romantic cartoon ever made.
Sure.
You always make me laugh.
Joey.
Hmm.
Let's streak.
Come on, let's just
take off all our
clothes and go running
through your neighborhood.
Patty, I can't run
through the streets naked.
These people have
a neighborhood watch program.
I have a better idea.
Food fight.
Patty. Patty.
Good thing I didn't make
baked potatoes.
Patty, I thought you
wanted me to be romantic.
That was ten years ago.
I came back
for the old crazy Joey.
There's no old crazy Joey.
There's only this Joey.
Come on, you're still the same
guy that always made me laugh.
- No, I am not the same guy.
- Yes, you are.
No, I'm not.
You don't know
anything about this Joey.
I work in advertising,
I'm raising three little girls.
I have a whole new life now.
Why are you getting so upset?
I thought we were
falling in love again.
Well, so did I.
But I think, we're falling
in love with the memories.
Patty, let's face it.
All we have is our past.
What about our future?
Joey, we're getting
a second chance.
Only this time,
we could have a happy ending.
Ah. I know.
Patty, you came back
into my life
just like I
dreamed you would.
It should be perfect,
but it's not.
Let's face it.
We really don't know each other.
Yeah.
I guess you're right.
But in a way,
it's still a happy ending.
I got to say things
that I needed to say
and I got to hear things
that I wanted to hear.
And now when I
think back about us
I can feel good about it.
All of a sudden,
I feel like we're strangers.
Well, we're standing here
in front of two plates
of spaghetti
that are getting cold.
Why don't we sit down,
enjoy this beautiful dinner
and get to know each other?
Okay.
Okay. Okay.
Hi, I'm Joey Gladstone.
Hi. Patricia...Fogerty.
Patricia Fogerty,
nice to meet you.
Do you like, uh,
Italian food?
Yes, I do
and this looks delicious.
You know, the great part
about it is that if they don't
deliver it
within a half hour, it's free.
He-ge-ge-ge!
Whoa!
♪ Ah ah ah ah ♪♪
[theme music]