[theme music]
- Can I help you?
- Stephy play horsey?
Stephy's very busy.
Stephy doesn't
wanna play horsey.
Yes, she does.
No, she doesn't.
Yes, she does.
No, she doesn't.
Yes, she does.
Okay, let's play horsey.
Yay!
How could I fall
for the old crying routine?
I invented it.
[theme music]
♪ What ever happened
to predictability ♪
♪ The milkman
the paperboy ♪
♪ Evenin' TV ♪
♪ How did I get
to livin' here ♪
♪ Somebody tell me
please ♪
♪ This old world's
confusin' me ♪
♪ Clouds as mean
as you've ever seen ♪
♪ Ain't a bird
that knows your tune ♪
♪ Then a little voice
inside you whispers ♪
♪ Kid don't sell
your dreams so soon ♪
♪ Everywhere you look
Everywhere you go ♪
♪ There's a heart ♪
♪ A hand to hold on to ♪
♪ Everywhere you look
Everywhere you go ♪
♪ There's a face ♪
♪ Of somebody
who needs you ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ When you're lost out there ♪
♪ And you're all alone ♪
♪ A light is waitin'
to carry you home ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪♪
[snoring]
[music box music]
'Michelle.'
[imitates guitar]
♪ They say it's your birthday ♪
♪ I'm gonna have
a good time ♪
♪ Today is your birthday ♪
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪♪
Make a wish.
[cheering]
Yay!
Aw, thank you.
Look at this.
A guitar-shaped waffle.
Guys, you didn't
have to do this.
My birthday's no big deal.
There are presents,
aren't there?
- That's from me.
- And me.
And me.
"Happy Birthday, Jesse.
The world's greatest uncle."
Aw!
I signed it,
Stephanie signed it
and Michelle stepped on some
paint and walked on it.
[laughing]
We made it because
we love you so much.
Well, this is the best present
a guy could ever get.
- Thank you, girls.
- You're welcome.
Okay.
Happy birthday, Jesse.
What do I got? What did I get?
What did I get?
An appointment book.
Outrageous.
Well, now you can be
as organized as me.
You see, I even started
filling it out.
Your things to do today.
"Thing number one.
Pretend you like this gift."
Aw.
No. I love it.
This is the best appointment
book that I've ever received.
Well, here you go, partner.
Hey, give me that.
Give me that.
What'd I get?
Whoa!
An Elvis watch.
Look at this.
The right hand points
to the hours
and left
to the minutes.
And look, his hips
tick off the seconds.
[imitating Elvis]
Tick, baby. Tock, baby.
Ooh, time to buy a Cadillac.
So, old timer, how does it
feel to be 26?
Ooh, it feels great, folks.
This is my year, man.
I've got a great family.
Finally got
a perfect girlfriend.
Our advertising stuff's
going well.
I think this is the year
my band's gonna make it.
You guys comin' to see
the band tonight, right?
- Oh, yeah.
- Definitely. Wouldn't miss it.
- Alright.
- Okay, girls.
Let's get dressed
for school.
We have to go to school
on Uncle Jesse's birthday?
Don't worry, I'm sure there'll
be some kind of assembly program
in his honor.
Oh, Uncle Jesse, don't forget
our soccer game at 3:30.
Deej, I'm the coach.
I'm there for you, babe.
Without me you got
no strategy, no motivation.
No ride.
Get out.
My birthday.
Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Get back here,
you little gift-grabber.
Give me that loot.
- Happy birthday.
- Thanks.
Here, keep
the appointment book.
No, thank you.
[guitar music]
Hey, Jess, listen to this.
I think I finally came up
with the lyrics
to this credit dentist jingle.
♪ If you need a root canal
you don't have any money pal ♪
♪ Relax don't sweat it
Dr. Lennox gives you credit ♪♪
Dr. Lennox.
America's top credit dentist.
And now climbing the charts
the music
to this wonderful jingle.
[guitar music]
That sounds like
a dentist's drill.
Sorry, Joseph, I was working on
something for the gig tonight.
Don't worry.
I'm there for you, babe.
Okay, guys.
I've got some news.
Jesse, you get out
your new appointment book.
Write down 7:30 tonight,
Sam Battersby, Smash Club.
Sam Battersby, the music critic
from the San Francisco Mirror?
- That Sam Battersby?
- You bet.
He was in the studio today doing
a segment on the club scene
and I talked him into coming
to hear your band tonight.
Dan, I've been tryin' to get
this to review for us forever.
- How'd you do it?
- Well..
I just used
my wit, my charm
and my two Giants tickets.
Danny, you're
the greatest brother-in-law.
Jesse, you're hugging me.
I've been living
in this house too long.
Next thing you know, you'll be
filling that appointment book.
Uh-oh.
Oh, what's the matter,
Michelle?
Where's Jack?
Jack's in the box.
Jack, come out.
Please.
Let me see that.
Alright, Jack,
Michelle and I are
outside and we got you
surrounded.
You come out now, or we're
coming in after you, sweetheart.
Jess, come on.
- It's already 3:20.
- 3:20?
Joseph, I gotta go down
and coach DJ's soccer game.
I'm sorry. We'll finish
when I get back.
Jess.
I'm sorry, Joey.
I realize it looks like
I'm runnin' out on you
but, Joseph, I would
never do that to you.
And I'll tell you why
when I get back.
Ha! You'll never get
the ball past me.
Look, Kimmy,
jeans on sale.
Where?
Yes! Tanner scores a goal.
Don't ever make a jokes
about a sale!
That's so cruel!
Alright, come on, girls.
Go, go, go.
We've got a tough game today.
Let's go. Come on, come on.
- Uncle Jesse! Uncle Jesse!
- Stephanie! Stephanie!
Tomorrow's
my school bake sale.
Will you bake 100
of your special cookies?
Please, please, pretty please?
With chocolate chips on top?
How could I turn it down?
You really can't.
Let's go.
He'll bake your cookies later,
you little chicken wing.
Oh, yeah?
Well, if I'm a chicken wing
then you're a can
of chicken noodle soup.
You have the brain
of a paramecium.
Maybe I have the brains
of a paramecium
but you only have the brain
of one mecium.
Ha ha ha!
There really is no way
to beat her, is there?
No, not really.
Let's go, girls.
Come on, look alive now.
Mr. Bear, while Uncle Jesse's
baking cookies for the bake sale
you'd better let me
lick the bowl.
You've put on
a couple of pounds.
♪ Nana hey hey hey
Goodbye ♪♪
- Yeah!
- Whoo!
We creamed
those nerd-bombers.
And now, on your mark,
get set, bake cookies!
Alright,
I'm there for you, babe.
- Hi, everybody.
- 'Hi.'
- Happy 26th.
- Thank you.
Twenty-six? Wow.
That's more than halfway to 50.
It's all downhill from here.
[whistling]
[mimicking explosion]
Kimmy, have I
ever told you how much
I appreciate
havin' you around?
- No.
- Good.
I'll give you your birthday
present later, but first..
...here's a little preview.
[clears throat]
Look, girls, if you're
going to the Smash Club
to watch my band,
you'd best get dressed.
- Go, go, go.
- Oh, thanks for inviting me.
Hold it!
- Gibbler.
- Too late!
She's already home
trying on new outfits.
I'll go get changed.
You just bake, baby, bake.
Jesse, what time should I pick
you up for the wedding tomorrow?
- What wedding?
- Don't tell me you forgot.
Oh, pffft.
Why would I forget
your cousin's wedding?
Uh, niece's? Old roommate's?
Hairdresser?
It's my uncle's
first wife's son-in-law!
Ah, that was
my next guess.
Don't worry.
I'm there for you, babe.
Jess, come on, you gotta write
the music
to this dentist jingle.
Jess, I really need
your help.
My car is starting to sound
like my Uncle Fred.
It is. It's going..
[mimicking car engine]
[coughing]
I mean, my car
needs a mechanic.
And my Uncle Fred
needs a vaporizer.
Alright, don't worry,
I'll get to your car.
Joseph, we'll do the jingle.
I'm gonna cook
Stephanie's cookies tomorrow.
But right now Elvis's hands
are telling me it's five to 6.
And I've gotta be
down at the Smash Club at 6:15.
I'll see you boys
and girls later.
[rock music]
Oh, hi.
I'm Danny Tanner.
I talked to you earlier
about bringing my daughters in
to hear their Uncle Jesse
play on his birthday.
- Thanks.
- Hey, not so fast.
Aren't you
forgetting something?
Oh, right.
Here's your
two Giants tickets.
I may never see a game.
Whoa, this place is so rad!
Yeah.
Look at all these cute guys.
At least no one's
wearing my outfit.
Hey, Jess,
we're over here.
Whoa! Jesse, good look.
Bon Jovi have
a garage sale?
Danny, not a good time
for jokes.
Jesse's band
didn't show up.
Oh, I'm such an idiot.
I double-booked this.
The band's playing
at Holiday Inn in Sacramento.
I could've sworn
I canceled that.
I-I'm just confused.
I got so many things going on.
You know, with the kids,
and my work.
I can't keep track
of everything.
Tough break.
Anybody wanna see a movie?
Hey, Katsopolis.
- Yes, sir?
- Time's up.
I don't care where your band is,
start playing.
By myself?
Come here.
You see that guy?
'That's Sam Battersby.'
His reviews could make you
or break you.
Me? I could just break you.
Show time!
Right.
Uh, so, where am I
gonna find a band?
[guitar and harmonica music]
We're there for you, babe.
Alright.
Everybody, remember.
It's one of the easiest songs
ever written, okay?
It's two chords.
E, A, E, A.
We can do it.
You ready?
And break!
And now, it's come
down to this.
Jesse and the Partridge family.
Ladies and gentlemen,
the Smash Club is proud to..
No, the Smash Club is
contractually obligated
to present Jesse and..
Uh, these other guys.
Jesse And These Other Guys.
Alright, how are you doing,
San Francisco?
[cheering]
You guys ready
to rock and roll?
(crowd)
Yeah!
I hope we are.
Rock and Roll!
[guitar music]
♪ There she was just walking
down the street singing ♪
♪ Doowadee dee dee dee
dum diddi do ♪
♪ Popping her fingers and
shuffling her feet singing ♪
♪ Doowadee dee dee dee
dum diddi do ♪
♪ She looked good ♪
♪ She looked fine ♪
♪ She looked good
She looked fine ♪
♪ Then I nearly lost.. ♪
Drum solo, DJ!
Go, dad, go!
[guitar music]
Take it, Joey!
[harmonica blues music]
♪ I said Doowadeedee ♪
♪ Dee dee dum diddi do ♪
♪ My shrink said I'm crazy ♪
♪ I said give me
a second opinion ♪
♪ He said son
you're ugly too ♪
Ha. Ha. Ha.
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
♪ Before I knew it she was
walking next to me singing ♪
♪ Doowadee dee dee dee
dum diddi do ♪
♪ Holding my hand just as
natural as can be singing ♪
♪ Doowadee dee dee dee
dum diddi do ♪
♪ We walked on ♪
♪ To my door ♪
♪ We walked on to my door ♪
♪ Then we kissed
a little more ♪
♪ Doowadee dee dee dee
dum diddi do ♪
We're singing!
♪ Doowadee dee dee dee
dum diddi do ♪
♪ Doowadee dee dee dee
dum diddi do ♪♪
♪ There was a farmer who had a
dog and Bingo was his name-o ♪
♪ Oh ♪
♪ Oh oh ♪
♪ And Bingo was his name-o ♪
♪ There was a farmer
who had a dog ♪
♪ And Bingo was his name-o ♪
♪ And Bingo was his name-o ♪♪
[piano music]
Thank you,
you beautiful audience.
One more time.
♪ There was a farmer who had a
dog and Bingo was his name-o ♪
♪ B-I-N-G-O ♪
♪ B-I-N-G-O
And Bingo was his name-o ♪
♪ There was a farmer who had
a dog and Bingo was his.. ♪♪
B-I-N-G-O.
Go, Bingo.
[knock on door]
Uncle Jesse, wake up.
N-G-O.
Oh, Steph,
thanks for wakin' me up.
I was havin'
a horrible nightmare.
There's an article
in the paper about our band.
Oh, no.
It wasn't a nightmare.
Listen to this.
"If you missed Jesse
And These Other Guys last night
you're luckier than I am."
[groaning]
Wait, there's more.
"They were so bad, a room
of tone-deaf metal-heads
were forced to flee
the building."
Ah, let me see that.
Gotta be
somethin' good here.
"Tone-deaf.." Ah.
Right here. See?
"The bright spot
of the evening."
"The bright spot of the evening
was the inspired..
...keyboard playing
of the adorable Kimmy Gibbler."
"Adorable?"
Are you sure it
doesn't say "a doorbell?"
That's it.
My career's over.
At least you have
plenty of time
to bake my cookies
for the bake sale.
It's today.
[groans]
I'm there for you, babe.
No Jack.
Oh, Michelle, I'm sorry.
I know I promised to fix it.
Fix it now.
(DJ)
'Uncle Jesse!'
Uh, I'm comin', DJ.
I'll be right back, Michelle.
Ah, nuts!
Why aren't you dressed?
Our game starts in an hour.
He can't be your coach,
he's baking my cookies.
Forget the cookies.
Just grab a bunch of Oreos
and scrape the name off.
Alright, alright, girls.
Now, don't worry.
Everything is
under control, okay.
Bake the cookies,
play soccer--
Okay, partner.
Dental music time.
How're you coming
with that jingle?
Alright.
I'll write it right now.
Let me get my keyboard.
- Hey!
- What about my soccer?
- What about my cookies?
What about Jack?
Uh, I'm sorry, Michelle.
Let me see that.
Hey, Jesse,
I ruined my shirt
but I think I found
my problem with my car.
Any idea why this
carburetor won't work?
Yeah, it's in your hand
and not under your hood.
Jess, you promised
you'd help me with my car.
- And my jingle.
- And my cookies.
- And my soccer.
- And Jack.
Yeah. No problem. No problem.
We got everything under control.
We'll just simply tow the car
down to the soccer field
and while I'm fixing
the carburetor
I'll-I'll angle the side-view
mirrors, so I can see the field
and I'll coach the game,
and then during time-outs
I'll-I'll rush
into the school cafeteria
and I'll bake those cookies,
and I'll swing by metal shop
and cut that darn Jack
out of the box and, Joey
don't worry about that jingle
because the whole time
I'm gonna be whistling,
I'll whistle while I work.
People, this is your Uncle J.
I can handle this.
It may take split-second timing,
but I can make this happen.
Jess, you can't wear
a bathrobe to the wedding.
The wedding.
How can I go to the wedding?
I-I got soccer balls to bake
and I-I gotta tune up
the dentist jingle
and I've got to make the
carburetor pop out of the box.
What's the matter
with you people?
Just because I'm 26 doesn't mean
I can do 26 things
at one time, okay?
Because I can't!
I'm sorry I can't!
Did you read our review?
Ah!
Don't worry, be happy.
Your breakfast is served.
- Hey, Jesse.
- Jess.
- 'Hi, Uncle Jesse.'
What're you guys doing?
This is day one of your
well-deserved one day vacation.
Your reading material.
I recommend "Curious George."
It's the best monkey book
ever written.
And for your viewing pleasure,
the complete works
of The Three Stooges.
Yes, watch them mature
from the silly,
"Whoop, whoop, whoop. N'yeah!"
to the sophisticated "N'yuk,
n'yuk, n'yuk, why certainly!"
This is, this is
real nice of you guys
but, I don't
really deserve this.
I mean, you guys were counting
on me, and I let you down.
Jesse,
give yourself a break.
I mean, it's great that you
wanna do everything for everyone
but you can't do
everything at once.
Well, what about all the stuff
I promised to do for you guys?
It's all
taken care of.
I got us some extra time
to finish our jingle.
And my cousin Sharon will keep
me company at the wedding.
Joey's coaching soccer.
And daddy's
baking my cookies.
And Mr. Good-Ranch
is fixing my car.
Well, see, I don't, I don't
wanna miss any of this stuff.
I mean, you guys count on me
and I love being there for you.
And I feel
like I'm needed, you know.
This is, this is my family
and I'm supposed to be
the world's greatest uncle.
You are.
But you still have to learn
to balance your priorities.
I mean, it's great that you want
to bake cookies for Stephanie
but not if it means
it's gonna cost you your job.
Unless you
wanna be a baker.
- Thank you, Stephanie.
- You're welcome.
He was being sarcastic.
So was I.
Jess, it's okay to ask for help
once in a while.
We're not shy
about asking you.
And besides,
we're all a team here.
Well, thank you.
I love being part
of this team.
Okay, everybody.
Dog-pile on your Uncle Jesse!
[clamor]
Ah, man, we don't do this
nearly enough.
Okay, Uncle Jesse's
on vacation.
And we got stuff to do.
Let's go, everybody.
Thank you guys.
Thanks very much.
And as soon as
the wedding's over
I'm coming
right back here
and see if I can get you
totally relaxed.
Let me just say,
"Have mercy."
I like the way
you say that.
- Bye.
Wake up, Jack.
Hey, I'm sorry, babe,
but your Uncle J is on vacation.
I love you.
Aw.
And I love you too.
Thank you.
Come here, let's see if we can
get that old box a-workin'.
- Alright. Are you ready?
- Yes.
Here we go.
[music box music]
Ha!
Ha.
See?
I told you
I'm there for you, babe.
For you, babe.
No, for you, babe.
For you, babe.
- No, for you, babe.
Ah!
[theme music]