Last week..
This weekend,
I'm going to tell Becky
the three little words that
every woman wants to hear.
I did something
this morning with Todd
that every woman in
America fantasizes about.
[crowd exclaiming]
And then..
It's a date. I'll have
my driver pick you at 7.
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
You're making
a really big mistake.
Oh, really?
This is the last mistake
I make with you then, okay?
'Cause that's it. We're
finished. We're breakin' up.
Well, fine.
Then it's over.
Uh-oh!
And it just so happens that the
blow-dried side of beef and I
were gonna have
dinner tonight with you.
Whoa, I'm a jerk.
I was gonna tell
you that I love you.
I love you too.
Whoa! That means we're in love.
Yes! We're in Nevada.
Let's get married.
Right now. Today.
I-I don't know what to say.
Will you marry me?
What will happen?
I don't know.
[theme music]
♪ What ever happened
to predictability ♪
♪ The milkman
the paperboy ♪
♪ Evenin' TV ♪
♪ How did I get
to living here ♪
♪ Somebody tell me please ♪
♪ This old world's
confusing me ♪
♪ Clouds as mean
as you ever seen ♪
♪ Ain't a bird
that knows your tune ♪
♪ Then a little voice
inside you whispers ♪
♪ Kid don't sell
your dreams so soon ♪
♪ Everywhere you look
everywhere you go ♪
♪ There's a heart ♪
♪ A hand to hold on to ♪
♪ Everywhere you look
everywhere you go ♪
♪ There's a face of
somebody who needs you ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ When you're lost out there
and you're all alone ♪
♪ A light is waitin'
to carry you home ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪♪
[theme music]
Will you marry me?
Jesse, this is so..
- Yes.
- Have mercy.
We gotta
get married right now.
- Wait a minute. Right now?
- Yes.
We've declared our love
to each other.
You said you'd marry me.
We're in Nevada.
Let's do it!
Jesse! Jesse!
Hold on a second.
I mean this is crazy.
I never do things like this.
I always do things like this.
I love this. Here.
- What?
- Sit down.
Now we gotta find a place
to get married.
I need a phone book.
Here we go. Now, what
am I looking for? A place.
"P."
"PL."
There's no wedding chapels
here in Nevada.
Wedding chapels as in "W."
I promise to be much smarter
once we get married.
I have to get my hair done.
I have to find a dress.
- A place for the reception.
- Here it is.
"The Ali Baba Hotel
And Casino Wedding Chapel."
Well, this is perfect,
we'll just get married
right here in the hotel.
Okay. Uh, I-I've gotta call
my mom, dad, Conny, Korky.
I better make a list.
Hello, this is
Jesse Katsopolis and I'm madly..
I repeat..
Madly in love
with Rebecca Donaldson.
And I gotta
get married right now.
Jess, Jess, we're gonna need,
uh, some flowers.
- Yes.
- And we've to hire a band.
Okay, good-good.
Let's get those little match fix
that say "Jesse and Rebecca."
I-I'm gonna need
at least six months.
Great! They can
take us in an hour.
- An hour?
- Yes.
Jesse, are you crazy?
That's insane.
This is magic. This is passion.
This is spontaneity.
Look, we don't need
a big wedding
with all kinds of people.
Rebecca, all that matters
is you and me.
And our pledging our
love to each other.
Well, when you put it that way,
it does sound romantic.
It will be.
Then after we get married,
we'll throw a big party.
We'll invite all our
friends and family
and a few others that might
bring us really nice gifts.
But until we say "I do"
this should be
our little secret, okay?
- Okay.
- Alright.
Oh, Jesse, I can't
believe we're gonna do this.
I feel like I'm flying.
Well, fasten
your seatbelt, babe
'cause we're about
to take off.
[knock on door]
Come in.
Why say come in when
you really don't mean it?
You guys ready
to go horseback riding?
- Uh...yeah, horseback..?
- No...we...no.
We, uh, we can't go horseback
riding because we....what?
We're, uh, we're gonna
run some emergency errands.
Emergency errands.
Are you guys hiding something?
"Are you guys hiding something?"
[laughing]
I don't get it.
Well, I-I have an idea.
Uh, why don't you call
your dad
and see if he can go
horseback riding with you.
- Right.
- Right here.
- Stay right here.
- Use my phone.
- Have fun.
- That's right. Have fun.
See you later, girls.
They're up to something.
Steph, we have
a mystery to solve.
Let's be detectives.
- Like Simon and Simon.
- Okay.
But I get to be Simon.
Come on, baby.
Show me some similar fruit.
Oh, fruit cocktail.
Uh, pardon me. Are you
finished with that machine?
See, I have a system.
I play a row at a time
and you are in my row.
Sorry, but I can't
leave this machine.
This morning
I walked away from one
and the next pull
won the $100,000 jackpot.
Oh, yeah.
The whole casino has been
buzzing about you.
You're known as
the "Jackpot Jerk."
Hey, it's "Joey,
the Jackpot Jerk.
- Nice to meet you.
- I'm Shirley.
See this quarter?
I'm saving it for the minute
you leave that machine.
I have a whole bucket
of quarters
that are gonna
make me a winner.
Well, I have waited
out three husbands.
And I can wait out you, honey.
- Hey, Joey.
- Hi, Danny.
Michelle, what are
you all dressed up for?
Her prom.
No, I'm gonna teach Michelle
to swim like a fish.
Are you ready to
be a little fishy?
Big fishy.
Don't make me call security.
Come on, daddy, swim.
(Danny)
'Wait, Michelle, you're
heading for the buffet.'
Sweetie, somebody might
mistake you for a jumbo shrimp.
Mr. Katsopolis.
Doesn't anybody
shake hands anymore?
I am just so excited for you.
On behalf of the
management of the fabulous
Ali Baba Hotel and Casino
and Wedding Chapel--
Hey, hold it, I'm trying to keep
this a secret, so we gotta..
Oh-h, by the way,
do you have a wedding ring?
Because we have a fabulous
jewelry store here at the--
Save it.
I've been there already.
Fabulous!
Here it is.
- Eh?
- Hmm-mm!
Alright, I gotta
get back to Becky.
- I'll see you.
- Okay.
It's so strange,
I feel like I'm being watched.
You're getting married.
Get used to it.
- See you at 2.
- Okay.
Ah-a! Our very first clue.
Ah-a! But it's an empty bag.
Ah-a. But it's from
a jewelry store.
Ah-a!
There goes Becky.
Let's follow her.
Well, that's it.
That's my last quarter.
It's your machine.
How could I lose?
Well, it's simple, Shirley,
you see..
...you thought I spent
my last quarter..
...but I didn't.
Yes! Oh, baby, the curse
is broken. A $5 jackpot.
And I am even.
Shirley, the key to
responsible gambling is
knowing when to walk away.
[machine ringing]
$25!
Oh, baby. Oh, baby.
'Oh, baby!'
Hi, Becky.
Imagine us running
into you here.
How did your
secret errands go?
Uh, well, they
weren't secret errands.
There were, uh, boring errands.
In fact, I can't even
remember where I went or..
...why I'm holding this bag.
Becky, I just talked..
Hi, girls.
- Hello.
Uh, Jess, why don't you
talk to me out in the hallway
where the, uh,
light is better?
That's right, the light
is better. Uh, makes sense.
Quick, Steph,
search the room.
Becky bought
a new fancy dress.
And a blue..
...head band.
Steph, look at this.
They drew a heart around
the Ali Baba Wedding Chapel.
Uncle Jesse and Becky
are getting married.
We solved the mystery.
Yay! We won!
We won!
Uncle Jesse and Becky
are getting married?
(Becky)
'Girls, let us in.'
Uh, don't tell Uncle Jesse
and Becky we know.
Uh, get the blue head band off.
Go. Go. Quick.
Go, hurry, hurry!
- What's going on here?
- Uh, nothing.
The wind must have
blew the door shut.
And locked it.
- Goodbye.
You think those two
are up to something?
Uncle Jesse and Becky
are getting married.
Shh! I don't know why but they
don't want us to know about it.
So we gotta keep this a secret.
Me keep this a secret?
Do you know who
you're talking to?
- Hey, we're back.
- Hi, chicks.
- Hi.
Hey, Michelle, how did you
like swimming in Lake Tahoe?
Was too cold!
Brrr!
So, girls, where's
your Uncle Jess?
Uh, Uncle Jesse?
Never heard of him.
- Somebody has a secret.
- Unh-unh.
Let's see, if we
wanna get information
outta these two girls,
I think we ought to speak to..
Stephanie.
Okay. Come on, honey.
You were born to blab.
Come on. You know you're
dying to tell somebody.
- Mm-mmm.
- Aw, Steph, come on.
There's nothing more fun than
blabbing a big juicy secret.
- Well..
- Fight it, Steph. Fight it!
Spill those secret beans.
Pardon me one moment.
Jesse's getting married?
Blabbermouth.
What makes you think that
Jesse's getting married?
Uncle Jesse bought
something at a jewelry store.
Becky bought a new dress.
And look,
the biggest clue of all.
There's a heart around
the Ali Baba Wedding Chapel.
It does say
2 o'clock right here.
This is Jesse's handwriting.
Looks to me like
Jesse and Becky are eloping.
Yeah, well,
not if I can help it.
If those two run off
and get married like this
it'll be the biggest
mistake of their lives.
We get five minutes
to put a stop this wedding.
Jesse's getting married.
I've gotta stop Jesse
and Becky from eloping.
Danny, wait a minute.
You and Pam ran off
and got married.
Yeah, and both of
our families went crazy.
My mom cried for a month.
And I'm sure Jesse's
forgetting how he felt.
He was only 13,
but he was very upset.
He tried to beat me up.
Danny, he did beat you up.
Yeah, well, if you call
a fractured rib beat up.
Do you know what you're doing?
Do you know what you're wearing?
Come on! Let's go.
- I'm with her.
- Follow Michelle.
When did Michelle take over?
By the power vested in me,
by the fabulous state of Nevada
I now pronounce you
husband and--
Stop! You're making
a horrible mistake.
I fell like a total idiot.
Well, you know what they say.
Clothes make the man.
Thank you very much.
Have a happy life together.
If you hurry you can
have your parking validated
at the front desk.
- What're you guys doing here?
- Jesse, don't do this.
I'm trying to
save you from making
the same mistake
that I made.
Don't you remember how angry
you were when you found out
that I was eloping
with your sister?
Yeah, I beat you up.
And I may do it again.
We were gonna tell all of you
tonight and then throw
a big party for our family
and friends when we get home.
Yeah.
I don't mean
to rush everybody
but the Coplemans have
the chapel in 15 minutes.
- Make that 12.
- Alright.
- We better get going.
- Look...I'm sorry.
I just had to get
that off my chest.
I want you both to know
that I love you very much
and I wish you
nothing but happiness.
Thank you, Danny.
Come on, the Coplemans are
breathing down your neck.
- Get married already.
- Alright.
You guys are all here,
I want you to stay.
- This is my wedding day.
- Alright.
[hooting]
How would you girls like
to be my bridesmaids?
- Oh, yeah!
- Alright!
I want you two boys
to be my best man..
- Best men.
- Yeah.
Now it's a good thing I wore
my formal Cabana suit.
Folks, all this chit-chat
is cutting into your
12 minutes
which is now 8.
Princess, you're going
to be our little flower girl.
Music.
["Here Comes The Bride"]
(Santana)
'Places everybody, places.'
- This is it.
- I guess so.
- I love you.
- I love you too.
Dearly beloved..
...we are gathered
here at the fabulous..
Ali Baba Hotel
and Casino Wedding Chapel
to share with
these two people
their commitment
to journey together
where ever life's
roads may take them.
Where are you going?
Oh, we're gonna stay right here
in San Francisco, honey.
It just means that we'll
always be together. Go ahead.
- Thanks.
- Woah, wait a minute.
Uh, what if I get a better
job offer in New York?
I mean, then
we'd have to move.
Excuse us one second.
Come here.
What do you mean New York?
What're you talking about?
Well, it's just hypothetical.
I mean, it could be Los Angeles,
Chicago, anywhere.
I just meant wherever life's
journey takes me we go together.
Well, what's the matter
with San Francisco?
My family lives there.
My band, my advertising career.
Five minutes.
No pressure.
We'll talk about it in the
honeymoon, okay, sweetheart?
- Come on.
- Hurry up, people. Hurry up.
[piano tempo increases]
[music stops]
Today you begin your first day
together as a family.
May your marriage be blessed
with many many children.
And soon.
Oh, well, not too soon.
What is not
too soon mean to you?
Well, I don't know.
Five, ten years?
In five or ten years I thought
we'd have five or ten kids.
[laughs]
Excuse us.
We'll be right back.
Ten kids?
What?
Jesse, I have a lot
of things to do
in my career before
I have children.
Yes, but you're
so good with kids.
You're gonna make
such a great mother.
Yes, when I'm ready.
Don't I have anything
to say about this?
Jess, I think that we both
have a lot to say about this.
Two minute warning.
Move it, people.
Oh, well, say it after
we say "I do." Come on.
[piano tempo increases]
[music stops]
[sighs]
Let's cut right to the chase.
Do you, Jesse Katsopolis,
take Rebecca Donaldson
to be your lawfully wedded
wife for better or for worse
etcetera, etcetera, till death
do you apart, say "I do."
I do.
(Santana)
'Do you, Rebecca Donaldson,
take Jesse Katsopolis'
to be lawfully wedded husband
for better or for worse
in sickness and health,
etcetera, etcetera
till death do you part,
say "I do."
I..
I think I need more
time to think this over.
Think fast. You have 45 seconds
until the Copleman wedding.
- Becky..
- I'm sorry, Jesse.
I can't go through with this.
[melancholic music]
I do.
["Sitting On The Dock
Of The Bay" by Otis Redding]
♪ Sitting in the morning sun ♪
♪ I'll be sitting till
the evening comes ♪
♪ Watching the ship roll in ♪
♪ And I watch them
roll away again ♪
♪ Yeah ♪♪
[knock on door]
(Becky)
'Jess, it's Becky.
Can I talk to you?'
Hold on a sec.
Hang on.
Yeah, come on in.
Crystal, yeah,
free man now.
Saturday night?
Oh, yeah. Sounds great.
Yeah, I'm really
looking forward to it.
[phone ringing]
Yeah, sorry, Crystal, gotta go.
Got another call. Bye, Crys.
Hey, Beck. How you doin', babe?
Good to see you.
How's it shaking?
Oh, Jess, you don't
have to put on this act.
Are you saying this smile
isn't sincere, huh? Heh?
Jess, I'm really sorry
about what happened.
- I didn't wanna hurt you.
- Oh, please. You hurt me?
Come on, man. You're talkin'
to Jesse Katsopolis.
I'm a fighter, man.
I get knocked down, boom.
- I'm right back up again--
- Jesse..
[sighs]
How could you do this to me?
I mean, when you turned
and walked out on me like that
it killed me.
I'm sorry.
It's just that..
I needed time to think.
I mean, everything
was happening so fast.
Oh, what's the matter
with things happening fast?
Jesse, can you honestly
tell me that you were ready
to get married, move into
my place, have children
turn your whole
life upside down?
Yes, I was.
That's the way I do things.
I see something,
I commit to it and I go for it.
Jesse, we didn't
even think it through.
You know when we were walking up
the isle and down the isle
and...up the isle
and down the isle
we discovered that we had
some pretty big differences.
You know what..
You're right. Thanks for..
Thank you, I'm glad
we found this out.
You-you saved us from making
a horrible mistake.
- Thanks very much.
- Jesse!
Listen to yourself.
Why does everything
have to be all or nothing?
Yes, we learned that
we have some differences
that we need to work out.
But we also learned that
we have something in common.
Like what?
Like we love each other.
You still love me?
Hey, I almost married you
at the fabulous Ali Baba Hotel
and Casino Wedding Chapel.
Now, that is love, babe.
Oh, my god.
We almost got married.
[laughing]
It's just that,
I was so excited
that you finally
said you love me.
I don't know, it was
such a wonderful feeling.
I didn't want it to end
so I proposed.
I just didn't think about
the next day or the days after.
I don't know...why'd you say
"yes" anyway? Are you crazy?
I'm crazy about you.
Right back at you, babe.
So, can we keep getting
to know each other?
Yes, yes.
Because when I get married,
I want it to last forever.
You okay, Jesse?
Aw-w, yes, I'm okay.
You guys can come in now.
You didn't have to send
the munchkin spy.
Well, we were just
in the girls' room and..
Waiting for the right time
to send Michelle in.
Mm-hmm. Well, You guys
don't have to worry.
Everything's okay.
We're not getting married.
But we're still in lo-ove.
Alright, so let's
celebrate, huh?
Put a little music on, yeah.
Oh, I'm glad it worked out.
That's nice.
["Sitting On The Dock
Of The Bay" by Otis Redding]
Oh, now there's happy song.
Hey, the Tanners can
make anything happy.
♪ I'll be sitting when
the evening comes ♪
♪ Oh, baby ♪♪
[theme music]