[instrumental music]
Okay, Michelle, open your eyes.
Wow!
What is it?
It's a tutu and a tiara.
They were mine, and then
I gave them to Stephanie.
And I'm passing them on to you.
Now you're a ballerina.
Wow!
What is a ballerina?
A ballerina is a girl
that does beautiful dancing.
Watch us.
[instrumental music]
I'm glad I took bowling lessons.
[theme music]
♪ Ah ah ah ♪
♪ Ah ♪
♪ Whatever happened
to predictability ♪
♪ The milkman
the paper boy ♪
♪ Evenin' TV ♪
♪ Ah ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Everywhere ♪
♪ There's a heart ♪
♪ A hand to hold on to ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Everywhere ♪
♪ There's a face ♪
♪ Of somebody who needs you ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ When you're lost out there ♪
♪ And you're all alone ♪
♪ A light is waitin' ♪
♪ To carry you home ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Dooby do ba ba dow ♪♪
[instrumental music]
Come on, guys.
It's time for the big surprise.
Danny, this better be important.
We're working on a commercial
for Rocket Feet running shoes.
Trying to get inspired
by running around.
So far we haven't
come up with any ideas.
But we're in great shape.
Wait till all you see this. I
found one of my old videotapes.
- Bye!
Guys, come back.
It's not a home movie.
It's a tape of Joey and me
on my old college talk show.
- Oh, let's see that.
- Watch this.
[instrumental music]
Dad, that mustache.
It's gross.
This is Danny Tanner
reminding you
that disco will never die.
Mr. Tanner, don't take this
the wrong way
but what a geek!
Welcome to "Campus Rap."
The show that takes
a hard-hitting look
at whatever the heck I want
because this is my show.
Well, here is a hard-hitting
look at a brand new picture
of my very own little girl.
Could you zoom in there?
Isn't she..
I was adorable!
- No, Steph, that's me.
- It is?
My, how you've aged!
Well, today my guest
is my very best friend.
He's my fraternity brother
and this guy is a party animal.
Here's Joey Gladstone.
Four years of college,
look what I learned.
[laughing]
You were the big man on campus.
Do something from your act.
- Do your Jetsons routine.
- Alright.
[sputtering]
[imitating Cogswell]
Now, Spacely,
you and that oddball, Jetson.
- Cogswell.
- Don't worry, Mr. Spacely.
[imitating George]
Everything will
work out just great.
[imitating Spacely]
Jetson, you're fired.
I love you, George.
Oh, come on now.
Cut it out. Thanks.
Very funny. You are
one talented guy, Joey.
'You're right, Danny.'
In fact, I guarantee you
that in 10 years
you'll be seeing this face
sitting between
Ed McMahon and Johnny Carson.
We're talking Vegas,
concert tours
and of course, my own TV series
"Laverne and Joey."
I'm gonna check
the date on that tape.
What are you doing?
I can't believe my ten year
deadline's almost up.
I got two weeks
to become a star.
Jess, can you handle that
running shoe account without me?
Sure, I can do
one account by myself.
Jess, if you have
a dream, man you gotta go
for it. I'm there for you, babe.
And you know that seat
between Johnny and Ed..
...it's there for you too.
Only now, you can fit in it.
We're all there for you, Joey.
- Right, girls?
- Oh, yeah.
Thanks, guys.
Man, what have I been doing?
I gotta focus
on my comedy career.
I gotta get down to the clubs,
work up some new bits.
From now on, Joey Gladstone
is gonna be all comedy..
...all the time.
- All the time?
- Why, certainly.
[barks]
[humming]
Come on, let's watch
the rest of this.
Okay.
[instrumental music]
No!
Oh, what's wrong, Michelle?
Bad girls.
Michelle, daddy wants us
to get you ready for bed.
- Time to take off your tutu.
- No.
Dad, you tell her
she can't sleep in her tutu.
Well, actually, girls
it's perfectly normal
for children
to be attached
to a special something.
Michelle, if you wanna sleep
in your tutu, it's okay.
I told you so.
I love you, daddy.
I love you too.
I hate that rabbit.
Comedy alert.
(in unison)
Oh.
- I gotta run. Bye.
- See you, Joey.
Stop! Nobody move!
We were so close.
Live from Las Vegas
the song stylings
of Jimmy Vibrato.
♪ Hey people I love you ♪
♪ O-o-oh ♪♪
I have really gotta
get myself some contacts.
Boy.
[laughs]
Hey, look at this.
Peeking duck.
[laughs]
Jess, you've been living
in Toon town for two days now.
Start acting
like a human being.
I know you are,
but what am I?
[laughs]
Hey, you kids,
stay off our planet.
'Listen..'
[screams]
Get it off!
It's attacking our village!
[screams]
I'm starting to lose it, man.
Hey, what are you looking at?
You look like Moe.
There's traffic everywhere.
The freeways
are totally congested.
And you,
stop sponging off this family.
♪ I'm singin' in the rain ♪
♪ Just singin' in the rain ♪
♪ On a happy.. ♪♪
Excuse me, I gotta go down to
the locker room and towel off.
You give us the warden,
we'll give you the priest.
Michelle, let me show you
my Bob Hope impression.
No!
Hey, is she wild or what, huh?
Think I'm gonna put her
on my special
with Brooke Shields, huh?
If he doesn't cheer down
I'm gonna break
his funny bone.
Well, I might've done something
that can actually
help Joey's career.
But if I tell you guys
you gotta promise
to keep it a secret.
How rude.
I can keep a secret.
Alright, here it is.
I sent a recent tape
of Joey's act
to the people at "Star Search."
- Oh, it's a good idea.
- Alright, dad.
Well, it doesn't mean
he's on the show for sure.
But we should
find out real soon.
Joey's going on "Star Search?"
Wait till I tell..
...nobody.
[instrumental music]
Daddy, Uncle Jesse, D.J.!
Everybody but Joey, come here!
What is it, Steph?
We got a letter
with Ed McMahon's
picture on it!
It must be from "Star Search."
Well, is it good news?
It's great news!
We may already be millionaires!
Hey, you guys, I'm gonna
make some French toast.
Joey, you sick? How come
you're not acting goofy?
Who am I kidding, Jess?
My ten year deadline
is up today.
I'm not famous.
I'm never gonna be famous.
The only thing that could save
my career now is a miracle.
Mail call.
Letter for Danny Tanner.
I'll take that.
What, no tip?
Here's a tip.
Stay out of my mailbox.
It so happens that
the mailman delivered that
to my house by mistake.
It happens all the time
but we only keep the magazines.
Yes! Joey's gonna be
on "Star Search!"
Alright, Joey!
Really?
I'm gonna be on "Star Search."
As a spokes model?
This is great!
How did this happen?
Joey, we had
so much faith in you
we sent your tape
to "Star Search."
You guys are the best.
This is so great.
Finally, after all
the years of struggling
playing those
little comedy clubs..
...it all pays off right now.
I am going on "Star Search"
and I am gonna win.
And I am on my way to the top.
- Right!
- Thank you, people, because..
♪ I love ♪
♪ You ♪
♪ O-o-oh ♪♪
Yes!
[instrumental music]
You won't believe who we saw
tap-dancing in the hallway.
Ed McMahon?
The junior dance champions
four weeks in a row.
The Tapping Takayamas!
I wish I could be
on "Star Search" someday.
Mr. Gladstone, ten minutes.
Thanks.
Why don't you show
the nice man from "Star Search"
...what a good
ballerina you are?
♪ Tomorrow tomorrow ♪
♪ I love you tomorrow ♪
♪ You're only a day away ♪
Thank you.
♪ Tomorrow tomorrow ♪
♪ I love you tomorrow ♪♪
- No more ballerina.
- Why not?
♪ Tomorrow tomorrow ♪
♪ I love you tomorrow ♪♪
Little kids.
I better go get them
before they
embarrass themselves.
♪ Tomorrow tomorrow ♪♪
We better get back to our seats.
- Go get them, Joey.
- Yeah, and don't be nervous.
Why should I be nervous?
Just 'cause the last
ten years comes down
to the next ten minutes?
Just because
my entire life is riding
on my one
and only shot at stardom?
You see, nothing
to be nervous about.
- Good luck, buddy.
- Have fun.
Thanks.
Want to impress girls?
Get one of these,
then go to a disco and do this
works out great.
[instrumental music]
[audience applauding]
Thanks a lot, folks!
That's it for me. Thanks!
Funny stuff.
Thank you, Steve.
That was the champion.
Now let's hear
from the challenger.
He's from San Francisco,
works in advertising.
He's been doing
comedy for ten years.
Whoa, that's a long time.
Please, welcome,
Joey Gladstone.
[audience applauding]
So I played ice hockey
for 13 years.
And it's great
to be alive, thanks.
[audience laughing]
I'm playing in a league
in California.
And there are surfers
in this ice-hockey league
and these guys were thinking
"If this ice melts
cool, dude, surf's up."
[audience laughing]
There's a surfer
standing next to me.
He's got all his hockey gear on.
He starts talking
ice-hockey philosophy to me.
He starts going
"You know something, dude?"
And he had a helmet on
when he did that
which was really weird.
[audience laughing]
"You know, like,
the greatest thing
"about ice hockey is, dude?
"You break a bone or something
the ice is, like, right there."
[audience laughing]
Remember those
Jacques Cousteau specials
that Rod Serling
used to narrate?
And Cousteau was always
in search of something
really strange.
He goes like..
[imitating Jacques Cousteau]
We are going down
to find lost tennis shoes.
[audience laughing]
Then you'd hear the theme music.
[imitating bugle]
[imitating Rob Serling]
We find Cousteau
and the Calypso team
three miles off
the coast of the Netherlands.
There, they ready
their sonar equipment
to go in search
of the dying walrus.
[crowd applauding]
[imitating seagull]
[imitating Jacques Cousteau]
I love ocean life.
[imitating seagull]
[imitating Jacques Cousteau]
Everywhere I go
I hear those damn birds.
[imitating Rob Serling]
Finally, Cousteau gives
the orders to lower the sonar.
[speaking in foreign language]
What?
[imitating Jacques Cousteau]
Just lower
the damn thing. Go on.
[audience laughing]
And of course,
this is what Flipper's wife says
when she has a headache..
Uh-huh, uh-huh..
Come on now.
Cut it out.
Quit it.
[audience applauding]
- Alright, Joey!
- Joey!
I've always loved
Popeye cartoons.
Seems like every episode
of "Popeye, The Sailor"
is always the same.
It's where Popeye and Bluto
are fighting over Olive Oyl.
And I think we could see why.
[imitating Popeye]
What a bod, huh?
[audience laughing]
Olive Oyl always gets
in some kind of stupid
predicament
in the beginning of the show.
[imitating Olive Oyl]
Oh, Popeye.
Oh, dear. Oh, my.
[imitating Popeye]
Oh, boy, that dizzy broad,
Olive Oyl. How embarrassing.
[audience applauding]
Of course, he knocks Bluto
for one big, solid punch.
Really nails him.
[imitating Bluto]
You're gonna pay for this.
At that time,
Popeye wins his beautiful..
...vivacious-looking queen.
Yep, you guessed it.
Olive Oyl.
Yeah, and what a babe, huh?
Check her out.
[audience applauding]
♪ Well don't even call ♪
♪ If I'm out with me Olive ♪
♪ Says Popeye the sailor man ♪♪
Thanks a lot. You guys
were great. Thank you.
[audience applauding]
[audience cheering]
Thank you, Joey.
Very funny routines
from both our competitors
this evening.
Now, the judges have voted.
Now let's see
how both of you, rated.
Champion Steve Oedekerk gets..
...four stars, a perfect score.
[audience applauding]
The challenger,
Joey Gladstone gets..
...four stars!
Another perfect score.
We have a tie!
Well, as you may know..
...the way we break
ties here on "Star Search"
is to have the studio audience
vote for their favorite.
We'll have the results
at the end of tonight's show.
Judy.
This night of shining stars
will return on "Star Search 90."
So don't go away.
- I won't.
- Danny, sit.
[instrumental music]
We're back.
Now for the tiebreaker
in the comedy competition
to see who goes on toward
that $100,000 grand prize.
Our studio audience
voted by secret ballot.
I have the results right here.
It's between the champion,
Steve Oedekerk
or the challenger,
Joey Gladstone.
(Joey)
Well, this is it.
The beginning or the end
of my comedy career.
At least, he's going through
the same torment I am.
I wonder where can I get
a good burger after the show.
[audience applauding]
Alright.
Let's see who it's gonna be.
Ladies and gentlemen..
...Steve Oedekerk!
Still champion!
[audience applauding]
Congratulations, Steve.
That's great.
We'll see you
back here on this stage
next week on "Star Search."
Good job.
[instrumental music]
- Joey! Good show, buddy!
- Yeah.
Just remember, that guy needed
four arms to beat you.
Joey, you were the best.
You were better than the best.
You were the bestest.
You were super best-o-rama.
- You were the--
- Steph.
You're gonna
wear out your tongue.
You just hate my spunk.
Well, thanks, everybody.
I'm just glad
I'm getting out of comedy
while I'm still young
enough to laugh about it.
[laughs]
Uh, girls,
your Uncle Jesse and I
wanna talk to Joey for a second.
Why don't you, uh,
go get Ed McMahon's autograph
and find out when our
million dollars is coming.
- Okay.
- Joey--
- Look, guys.
You can save the pep talk.
I already know
what you're gonna say.
"Keep working at it.
It's gonna happen.
"You got a perfect score
on "Star Search."
"You made millions
of people laugh.
"Your deadline
was totally arbitrary.
So if you give up now,
you are stupid."
Does that pretty much cover it?
- Actually, yeah.
- Yeah, that was..
Look, guys,
I know you care about me.
But I'm doing the right thing.
There comes a time
in every man's life
where he's gotta face the music
and say to himself
"Hey, I'm a failure."
Hey, ho-ho-hold it.
Nobody calls my friend,
Joey a failure.
Especially, my friend, Joey.
How else can you
figure it, Jess?
I'm a local nightclub comic.
That's all I'm ever gonna be.
I've been in the same rut
for the last ten years.
I've never been on "Carson"
or "Letterman" or "Arsenio."
If that's not failure,
I don't know what is.
I'll tell you what is.
That attitude.
That's failure, man.
Your problem is the way
that you're looking at success.
Do you love
being a standup comic?
Well, yeah.
Have you made
thousands of people laugh?
- Millions tonight?
- Well, yeah.
Alright, before this little
stupid deadline of yours
were you happy with your life?
- Yes!
- Hmm.
Personal happiness
and bringing joy to others
it sounds like success to me.
Joey, I know how you feel, pal.
I'm the same way, man.
I'm not where I wanna be
with my music career.
But even if I
never sell a record
I'm not gonna have one regret.
You know why?
Because I love making music
and I'm never
gonna stop doing it.
Now, if you never
get up on-stage again..
...would you miss it?
Danny, is there anything
you'd like to add?
Oh, I'm sorry,
I wasn't listening.
I was thinking
about that spokes model.
[instrumental music]
A twister. A twister.
Aunt Em, Aunt Em!
Oh..
I knew I should've
done that "Wizard of Oz" bit.
Well, I gave it my best shot.
Ten years.
It's been a great ten years.
Oh, but what have I
got to show for it?
I do do the best Popeye
in the business.
[imitates Popeye]
[laughing]
Oh, Michelle.
I do love that sound.
Michelle, I have been
on so many stages
and told so many jokes.
But you know, I never get
tired of hearing people laugh.
So why am I walking away?
I don't know.
Yeah, me either.
I did have that deadline.
Oh, but let's face it.
I've never been on time
for anything in my entire life.
So why start now?
I'll make a new deadline.
Michelle, you're my witness.
If I'm not on the "Carson" show
in...60 years
I'm gonna seriously consider
changing my career.
So to paraphrase Porky Pig
[imitating Porky Pig]
Biddy-biddy-biddy-biddy.
That ain't all, folks!
[applauding]
♪ We love you ♪
♪ Ooh ♪♪
Come on, you guys.
Cut it out!
[theme music]