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[instrumental music]
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Okay, Michelle,
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I'm gonna teach you a song.
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It's a little before your time
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but it's extremely hip, okay?
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It goes like this. One, two..
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- How do you do that?
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- Oh, you mean snap my fingers?
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Oh, well, I-I use
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my middle finger
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my thumb, and I put
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'em together and go like that.
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It's very, very cool but
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it's kind of
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a grown-up thing, you know.
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I mean, when I was your age
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I could barely walk,
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let alone snap.
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[snaps fingers]
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I'm cool.
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Show off.
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Okay, Michelle.
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Let's do it, baby.
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Let's swing. Let it fly.
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Here we go. Here we go.
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♪ Oh that shark babe
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has pretty teeth dear ♪
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Take it, Michelle!
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♪ Jingle bell ♪
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♪ Jingle bell
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jingle bell ♪
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No, no, no, Michelle, now if
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you're gonna sing it, baby
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you got to swing it, ready?
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♪ Jingle bell jingle bell ♪
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Shake your tooshie.
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♪ Jingle bell jingle bell ♪♪
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[Jesse Frederick singing
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"Everywhere You Look"]
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♪ Ahh ahh ahh ahh ♪
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♪ Ahh ♪
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♪ What ever happened
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to predictability ♪
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♪ The milk man
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the paper boy evenin' TV ♪
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♪ Everywhere you look ♪
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♪ Everywhere you go ♪
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♪ There's a heart ♪
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♪ There's a heart ♪
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♪ A hand to hold onto ♪
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♪ Everywhere you look ♪
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♪ Everywhere you go ♪
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♪ There's a place ♪
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♪ Of somebody who needs you ♪
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♪ Everywhere you look ♪
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♪ When you're lost out there ♪
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♪ And you're all alone ♪
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♪ A light is waiting
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to carry you home ♪
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♪ Everywhere you look ♪
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♪ Everywhere you look ♪
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♪ Ahh ahh ahh ahh ♪
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♪ Chip-a-dee-ba-ba-dow ♪♪
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[instrumental music]
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Okay, boys,
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what do you wanna play?
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I've got dolls.
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I've got the dream house.
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We could play dress up,
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maybe do a fashion makeover.
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(together)
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Yuck.
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Let's play guns.
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[imitating gun firing]
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Walter, Jimmy, please.
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Why are you men always fighting?
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Actually, I'm a lover,
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not a fighter.
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Let's play guns. Bam.
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- Bam.
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- Bam.
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Bam, bam, bam, bam.
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You can't hurt me.
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This thing is bulletproof.
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Bam, bam.
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'Bam bam bam.'
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Freeze, dweebs.
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Stephanie, what's rule
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number one in this room?
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Never touch your stuff.
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Little sisters, what a pain.
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Yeah, I'm glad my parents
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stopped having kids after me.
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Gee, I wonder why.
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Okay, it's time for all
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puppet people to leave the room.
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Let's go. We have very important
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things to discuss.
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So do we, Deej, we have
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to discuss what our costumes
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are gonna be
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for the Halloween carnival.
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I'm gonna be Batman
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or Wonder Woman or Connie Chung.
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You're not going
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to that kiddie carnival
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at our old elementary school,
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are you?
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Monica, D.J.'s coming with us to
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Kathy Santoni's Halloween party.
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But, D.J., you promised me
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you would go with me
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to the Halloween carnival.
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We go together every year.
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Yes, and I'll always treasure
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those memories.
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I'm in junior high.
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Well, pin a rose on your nose.
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Alright.
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[sighs]
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If you children don't mind
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my friends and I
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have very important things
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to discuss that are
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way over your head.
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Like what?
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- Like guys.
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- Yeah.
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We're gonna rate them on
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the Gibbler scale of studliness.
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Well, you can rate
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all the guys you want.
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But while you're
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talking about it..
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...I'm living it.
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Okay, Michelle,
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I want you to zig right
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zag left, go long
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and I'll hit you.
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Got it, dude.
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Grr!
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Grr!
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Okay, Michelle.
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Hike me the ball
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when I say, boo.
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Bippity, boppity, boo.
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- Now what?
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- Catch.
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- Now what?
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- Run for a touchdown.
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Michelle runs through the
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defense and scores! Touchdown!
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'Spike it.'
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Yeah. Okay, do
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the Michelle shuffle.
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- Grr!
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- Grr!
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[growling]
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Underwear a little tight, boys?
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Hey, man, we were playing
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football with Michelle.
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Oh, you two against Michelle?
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My money's on the kid.
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It so happens
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I was a high jumper
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on the high school track team.
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And I got a letter
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in football and basketball.
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That's because
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you were the school mascot.
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Ollie, the Fighting Oyster.
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You were Ollie,
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the Fighting Oyster?
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Okay, tough guy. What team
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were you on in high school?
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Come on, Beck,
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let's get dinner started.
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Oh-oh, wait a minute, Jess.
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- What team were you on?
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- Oh, he wasn't on a team.
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- I was too. I was on a team.
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- Jess.
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- Sort of.
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- Jess.
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[stammering]
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Okay, but it was like..
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It was a group thing.
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Jesse?
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Okay, I was in
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the Glee Club, you happy?
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[laughing]
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Sorry.
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Hey, I could take you chumps
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in any sport, anytime.
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- Right.
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- Sing me to death.
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Hey, come on, think about it.
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Look at the facts.
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Thirty something,
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twenty something.
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Hard body. Lard body.
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Alright, Mr. Universe.
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I challenge you to..
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...some kind
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of manly athletic event.
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- You're on.
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- Count me in.
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Okay, I have a great idea.
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How about a race?
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Perfect. Tomorrow at
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the track, 8 a.m.
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A quarter-mile
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for all the glory.
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- I'll be there.
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- I'll be there.
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I will definitely be there.
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(together)
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Dad! Dad!
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- Your friends have to leave.
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- 'No! Yours.'
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(D.J.)
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'Yes, they do.'
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Dad, tell Stephanie her friends
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have to get out of my room.
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Tell, D.J. and her friends, they
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have to get out of my room.
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- You get out. I'm older.
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- I'm younger.
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- I'm taller.
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- I'm shorter.
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- I'm smarter.
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- I'm..
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...not falling for that.
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Girls, cool it.
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I want you both
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to apologize
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and give each other
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a hug right now.
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But, dad, D.J.
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promised she would go
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with me to
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the Halloween carnival.
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- I never promised!
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- You said you'd go!
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- So I changed my mind.
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- You can't do that.
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- Yes, I can.
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- No, you can't.
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That's enough!
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Okay, look, I'm sorry,
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but I want all of your friends
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to leave and I want you both
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up in your room right now.
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No music, no phone,
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no television.
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And you're not coming out
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until you learn to get along.
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You understand?
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(together)
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Yes, dad.
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- You're in trouble.
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- No.
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And I don't wanna hear
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anymore arguing.
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(together)
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It's all your fault.
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[instrumental music]
268
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Yes. You snails don't stand
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a chance tomorrow.
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Why, 'cause you took
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one jog around the block?
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Actually, I haven't run yet.
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I'm just really excited
274
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I found my stopwatch.
275
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All I need to win that race
276
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is a Tanner health shake
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and you wimps
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as my competition.
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Pretty tough talk coming
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from the cover boy
281
00:08:11,283 --> 00:08:13,660
to Geek Illustrated.
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Geek Illustrated.
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I say we put a bet on this race.
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Bet? You got it, pal.
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You name it, and I'll claim it.
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Okay, you puny girlie-men.
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Hear me now,
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think about it later.
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Tomorrow is the school
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Halloween carnival.
291
00:08:35,432 --> 00:08:37,392
I say that the losers
292
00:08:35,432 --> 00:08:37,392
have to wear
293
00:08:37,434 --> 00:08:40,020
whatever costumes
294
00:08:37,434 --> 00:08:40,020
that the winner picks.
295
00:08:44,232 --> 00:08:45,817
So, Mr. Bear,
296
00:08:44,232 --> 00:08:45,817
when do you think
297
00:08:45,859 --> 00:08:49,321
D.J. will come
298
00:08:45,859 --> 00:08:49,321
to her senses and apologize?
299
00:08:49,363 --> 00:08:52,073
When that bear
300
00:08:49,363 --> 00:08:52,073
answers you out loud.
301
00:08:53,283 --> 00:08:56,911
On behalf of Mr. Bear, how rude.
302
00:08:59,498 --> 00:09:02,250
[glugging]
303
00:09:03,293 --> 00:09:05,795
Must you glug your milk?
304
00:09:05,837 --> 00:09:07,381
Does it bother you?
305
00:09:08,840 --> 00:09:11,551
- Yes.
306
00:09:08,840 --> 00:09:11,551
- Then, I must.
307
00:09:13,136 --> 00:09:15,930
[glugging]
308
00:09:15,972 --> 00:09:18,517
Look, I cannot
309
00:09:15,972 --> 00:09:18,517
take this anymore.
310
00:09:18,558 --> 00:09:21,811
Let's just pretend to make up,
311
00:09:18,558 --> 00:09:21,811
and then dad will be happy.
312
00:09:21,853 --> 00:09:24,398
- Great idea.
313
00:09:21,853 --> 00:09:24,398
- Let me do the talking.
314
00:09:24,439 --> 00:09:25,606
I'm smarter than you.
315
00:09:25,648 --> 00:09:27,234
If you were so smart,
316
00:09:25,648 --> 00:09:27,234
you would've
317
00:09:27,275 --> 00:09:29,236
thought of this
318
00:09:27,275 --> 00:09:29,236
three hours ago.
319
00:09:30,070 --> 00:09:31,112
[knock on the door]
320
00:09:31,154 --> 00:09:32,197
(Danny)
321
00:09:31,154 --> 00:09:32,197
'Can I come in, girls?'
322
00:09:32,239 --> 00:09:33,448
Just a minute.
323
00:09:33,490 --> 00:09:35,200
Get over here
324
00:09:33,490 --> 00:09:35,200
and start laughing.
325
00:09:37,994 --> 00:09:40,455
Oh, sure. Come in, dad.
326
00:09:42,249 --> 00:09:46,002
Oh, now this sounds better.
327
00:09:42,249 --> 00:09:46,002
You two have a little talk?
328
00:09:46,044 --> 00:09:48,755
Yeah, we decided
329
00:09:46,044 --> 00:09:48,755
to chill-out and get along.
330
00:09:48,796 --> 00:09:50,215
Right.
331
00:09:50,257 --> 00:09:52,133
Did you, uh, hug yet?
332
00:09:53,552 --> 00:09:56,513
We were saving that for you.
333
00:09:56,555 --> 00:09:59,349
- Come here, little sis.
334
00:09:56,555 --> 00:09:59,349
- I'm coming, big sis.
335
00:10:02,477 --> 00:10:05,146
Aw! Thanks for waiting.
336
00:10:05,188 --> 00:10:07,524
Okay, your punishment's over.
337
00:10:07,566 --> 00:10:10,277
I'm off to the gym to get
338
00:10:07,566 --> 00:10:10,277
pumped for the big race.
339
00:10:10,318 --> 00:10:11,445
See you later, girls.
340
00:10:11,486 --> 00:10:13,321
- Bye, dad.
341
00:10:11,486 --> 00:10:13,321
- Bye, dad.
342
00:10:16,450 --> 00:10:17,742
(together)
343
00:10:16,450 --> 00:10:17,742
Ew!
344
00:10:19,453 --> 00:10:23,664
Well, thank goodness I have
345
00:10:19,453 --> 00:10:23,664
another sister, a good sister.
346
00:10:23,706 --> 00:10:26,543
- So go live with her.
347
00:10:23,706 --> 00:10:26,543
- Maybe I will.
348
00:10:26,585 --> 00:10:28,878
Maybe I'll get
349
00:10:26,585 --> 00:10:28,878
a divorce from you.
350
00:10:28,920 --> 00:10:31,256
You wanna divorce?
351
00:10:28,920 --> 00:10:31,256
You got it.
352
00:10:31,298 --> 00:10:34,468
Fine. Then I'll go tell Michelle
353
00:10:31,298 --> 00:10:34,468
I'm moving in with her.
354
00:10:34,509 --> 00:10:37,512
And I'll go call Kimmy
355
00:10:34,509 --> 00:10:37,512
and tell her I have my own room.
356
00:10:37,554 --> 00:10:39,139
Not so fast.
357
00:10:39,180 --> 00:10:41,766
Half of everything
358
00:10:39,180 --> 00:10:41,766
in this room is mine.
359
00:10:45,353 --> 00:10:47,439
[instrumental music]
360
00:10:51,568 --> 00:10:55,530
In my old room,
361
00:10:51,568 --> 00:10:55,530
D.J. was the big sister.
362
00:10:55,572 --> 00:10:59,367
But in this room,
363
00:10:55,572 --> 00:10:59,367
I'm the big sister.
364
00:10:59,409 --> 00:11:02,621
So there are only two words
365
00:10:59,409 --> 00:11:02,621
you need to know.
366
00:11:02,662 --> 00:11:04,498
Okay, boss.
367
00:11:04,539 --> 00:11:06,416
Okay, boss.
368
00:11:07,584 --> 00:11:10,253
Ooh, this is gonna be so sweet.
369
00:11:14,673 --> 00:11:15,758
Just came in to say
370
00:11:15,800 --> 00:11:17,511
"Good Golly, Miss Molly"
371
00:11:17,552 --> 00:11:19,095
what's your bed doing in here?
372
00:11:19,137 --> 00:11:22,307
I decided it was time
373
00:11:19,137 --> 00:11:22,307
for D.J. to have her own room.
374
00:11:22,349 --> 00:11:23,933
Yeah, I don't know how much
375
00:11:22,349 --> 00:11:23,933
she paid you but you give
376
00:11:23,975 --> 00:11:25,726
her that money back, right now.
377
00:11:25,768 --> 00:11:27,646
It was my idea.
378
00:11:27,686 --> 00:11:28,813
Alright, well,
379
00:11:27,686 --> 00:11:28,813
it's fine with me.
380
00:11:28,855 --> 00:11:29,897
But I'm gonna have a little chat
381
00:11:29,939 --> 00:11:31,191
with your dad when he gets home.
382
00:11:31,232 --> 00:11:32,817
Goodnight. Goodnight.
383
00:11:32,859 --> 00:11:35,320
- Goodnight, Uncle Jesse.
384
00:11:32,859 --> 00:11:35,320
- Now you girls get some sleep.
385
00:11:35,362 --> 00:11:38,948
- Okay, boss.
386
00:11:35,362 --> 00:11:38,948
- What? I'm the boss?
387
00:11:39,698 --> 00:11:41,117
She's the boss.
388
00:11:42,827 --> 00:11:45,246
Where do these kids
389
00:11:42,827 --> 00:11:45,246
get this stuff?
390
00:11:48,416 --> 00:11:50,043
Go to sleep, munchkins.
391
00:11:51,002 --> 00:11:52,295
Goodnight, boss.
392
00:11:55,298 --> 00:11:57,008
Hi, Uncle Jesse.
393
00:11:57,050 --> 00:11:59,553
I see you're not missing
394
00:11:57,050 --> 00:11:59,553
Stephanie too badly.
395
00:12:00,261 --> 00:12:01,471
Stephanie who?
396
00:12:14,942 --> 00:12:18,405
Michelle, did you just
397
00:12:14,942 --> 00:12:18,405
hit me on the head?
398
00:12:19,072 --> 00:12:20,407
Who, me?
399
00:12:22,283 --> 00:12:24,035
Go back to sleep.
400
00:12:24,077 --> 00:12:25,453
I'm the boss.
401
00:12:28,540 --> 00:12:32,751
I'm the boss, I'm the boss,
402
00:12:28,540 --> 00:12:32,751
I'm the boss.
403
00:12:32,793 --> 00:12:34,921
I'm in trouble.
404
00:12:34,962 --> 00:12:36,673
I'm the boss, I'm the boss.
405
00:12:36,715 --> 00:12:38,799
[instrumental music]
406
00:12:40,260 --> 00:12:43,804
Out goes the bad air,
407
00:12:40,260 --> 00:12:43,804
in comes the good.
408
00:12:43,846 --> 00:12:47,016
Out goes the bad air,
409
00:12:43,846 --> 00:12:47,016
in comes the good.
410
00:12:47,058 --> 00:12:49,352
Joey, you want a jellyroll?
411
00:12:49,394 --> 00:12:51,312
Scratch that,
412
00:12:49,394 --> 00:12:51,312
you already got one.
413
00:12:55,066 --> 00:12:56,901
Hi, guys.
414
00:12:56,943 --> 00:12:58,653
Becky, what's our
415
00:12:56,943 --> 00:12:58,653
crew doin' here?
416
00:12:58,695 --> 00:13:01,155
Well, Danny, I know how
417
00:12:58,695 --> 00:13:01,155
you love my little surprises.
418
00:13:01,197 --> 00:13:03,324
I never love
419
00:13:01,197 --> 00:13:03,324
your little surprises.
420
00:13:03,366 --> 00:13:05,285
- Roll tape.
421
00:13:03,366 --> 00:13:05,285
- 'Rolling.'
422
00:13:05,326 --> 00:13:08,246
Okay, all you lucky viewers
423
00:13:05,326 --> 00:13:08,246
of "Wake Up, San Francisco"
424
00:13:08,288 --> 00:13:10,123
we have a special
425
00:13:08,288 --> 00:13:10,123
treat for you
426
00:13:10,164 --> 00:13:12,208
a rare glimpse
427
00:13:10,164 --> 00:13:12,208
into the athletic
428
00:13:12,250 --> 00:13:14,711
macho-jock side
429
00:13:12,250 --> 00:13:14,711
of Danny Tanner.
430
00:13:14,753 --> 00:13:16,170
I'm just running
431
00:13:14,753 --> 00:13:16,170
a friendly little race
432
00:13:16,212 --> 00:13:18,005
here with my buddies,
433
00:13:16,212 --> 00:13:18,005
it's-it's just
434
00:13:18,047 --> 00:13:19,716
once around the track
435
00:13:18,047 --> 00:13:19,716
and it's not worth
436
00:13:19,758 --> 00:13:22,218
getting a whole segment
437
00:13:19,758 --> 00:13:22,218
on our show with this.
438
00:13:22,260 --> 00:13:23,553
Oh, I think it is.
439
00:13:23,595 --> 00:13:25,972
Okay, get that camera
440
00:13:23,595 --> 00:13:25,972
car into position.
441
00:13:26,013 --> 00:13:27,223
Camera car?
442
00:13:27,265 --> 00:13:29,350
Gentlemen, to the starting line.
443
00:13:29,392 --> 00:13:31,394
Let's do it, boys.
444
00:13:29,392 --> 00:13:31,394
This is it. This is it.
445
00:13:31,436 --> 00:13:34,314
- I got this.
446
00:13:31,436 --> 00:13:34,314
- Wait.
447
00:13:35,774 --> 00:13:37,609
Look, uh, guys,
448
00:13:35,774 --> 00:13:37,609
you gotta let me win.
449
00:13:37,651 --> 00:13:40,361
- I can't lose on my own show.
450
00:13:37,651 --> 00:13:40,361
- I can't let you win.
451
00:13:40,403 --> 00:13:42,821
Remember, the winners gets to
452
00:13:40,403 --> 00:13:42,821
make the losers wear costumes
453
00:13:42,863 --> 00:13:44,699
to Stephanie's
454
00:13:42,863 --> 00:13:44,699
Halloween carnival.
455
00:13:44,741 --> 00:13:49,120
I already got yours picked out.
456
00:13:44,741 --> 00:13:49,120
Big Bird, meet Snuffleupagus.
457
00:13:49,162 --> 00:13:51,038
- On your mark..
458
00:13:49,162 --> 00:13:51,038
- Here we go.
459
00:13:51,080 --> 00:13:52,624
Get set..
460
00:13:52,666 --> 00:13:53,792
...go!
461
00:13:54,875 --> 00:13:57,170
And they're off.
462
00:13:57,211 --> 00:13:59,464
Danny is off
463
00:13:57,211 --> 00:13:59,464
to a lightning start.
464
00:13:59,506 --> 00:14:00,881
Boy, if he continues
465
00:13:59,506 --> 00:14:00,881
at this pace
466
00:14:00,923 --> 00:14:03,217
he could break
467
00:14:00,923 --> 00:14:03,217
the world record.
468
00:14:03,259 --> 00:14:05,886
'He's movin'. He's movin'.'
469
00:14:07,138 --> 00:14:09,516
- Peep peep.
470
00:14:07,138 --> 00:14:09,516
- What are you doing here?
471
00:14:09,557 --> 00:14:10,849
I gotta win this race.
472
00:14:10,891 --> 00:14:13,227
Then I suggest you
473
00:14:10,891 --> 00:14:13,227
run faster than us.
474
00:14:16,022 --> 00:14:19,025
Oh, now he looks like
475
00:14:16,022 --> 00:14:19,025
the Danny Tanner I know.
476
00:14:20,193 --> 00:14:21,569
[breathing heavily]
477
00:14:21,611 --> 00:14:24,864
You guys...aren't
478
00:14:21,611 --> 00:14:24,864
getting...tired, are you?
479
00:14:24,905 --> 00:14:26,199
- No, not at all.
480
00:14:24,905 --> 00:14:26,199
- Not me.
481
00:14:26,240 --> 00:14:28,743
Me either.
482
00:14:28,785 --> 00:14:30,411
For those of you at home
483
00:14:28,785 --> 00:14:30,411
who think you're watching
484
00:14:30,453 --> 00:14:31,871
a slow-motion replay
485
00:14:31,912 --> 00:14:33,581
do not be fooled.
486
00:14:33,623 --> 00:14:36,209
They are actually
487
00:14:33,623 --> 00:14:36,209
moving at this speed.
488
00:14:37,544 --> 00:14:40,797
Guys, let's all cross
489
00:14:37,544 --> 00:14:40,797
the finish line together.
490
00:14:40,839 --> 00:14:43,508
That way, everybody saves face.
491
00:14:43,550 --> 00:14:45,134
Fine with me.
492
00:14:45,176 --> 00:14:49,055
To stop this pain in my side,
493
00:14:45,176 --> 00:14:49,055
I'm all for it.
494
00:14:49,096 --> 00:14:52,099
They're neck and neck and neck.
495
00:14:52,141 --> 00:14:54,769
Come on, you turtles!
496
00:14:54,811 --> 00:14:57,313
That's my girlfriend
497
00:14:54,811 --> 00:14:57,313
calling me a turtle.
498
00:14:57,355 --> 00:15:01,192
- Sorry, Danny.
499
00:14:57,355 --> 00:15:01,192
- I'm not losing this bet.
500
00:15:01,234 --> 00:15:03,236
I already rented costumes.
501
00:15:03,277 --> 00:15:06,113
It's my show.
502
00:15:03,277 --> 00:15:06,113
I gotta win.
503
00:15:09,116 --> 00:15:11,285
Hey, it looks like
504
00:15:09,116 --> 00:15:11,285
we've got a race!
505
00:15:11,327 --> 00:15:14,581
And here they come.
506
00:15:11,327 --> 00:15:14,581
It's gonna be a photo finish.
507
00:15:18,209 --> 00:15:21,295
[panting]
508
00:15:23,423 --> 00:15:26,843
Gentlemen, any comments?
509
00:15:26,885 --> 00:15:29,053
[breathing heavily]
510
00:15:30,805 --> 00:15:32,473
I think what they're
511
00:15:30,805 --> 00:15:32,473
trying to say is
512
00:15:32,515 --> 00:15:34,975
We should've run
513
00:15:32,515 --> 00:15:34,975
a shorter race.
514
00:15:35,017 --> 00:15:37,604
Oh, and here comes the picture.
515
00:15:37,645 --> 00:15:39,313
And the winner is..
516
00:15:39,355 --> 00:15:41,524
'...Danny Tanner by a nose!'
517
00:15:43,234 --> 00:15:47,238
Danny, to what do you attribute
518
00:15:43,234 --> 00:15:47,238
that last surge of power?
519
00:15:47,280 --> 00:15:49,699
Fear of public humiliation.
520
00:15:49,741 --> 00:15:52,993
And to my worthy opponents,
521
00:15:49,741 --> 00:15:52,993
all I can say now is
522
00:15:53,035 --> 00:15:54,829
trick or treat, boys!
523
00:15:56,873 --> 00:15:58,374
That's a wrap.
524
00:15:58,917 --> 00:16:00,334
And a nap.
525
00:16:01,252 --> 00:16:02,712
[indistinct chatter]
526
00:16:02,754 --> 00:16:05,131
- Hey, Deej.
527
00:16:02,754 --> 00:16:05,131
- Hey, what happened?
528
00:16:05,172 --> 00:16:07,675
- I won the race.
529
00:16:05,172 --> 00:16:07,675
- Alright!
530
00:16:07,717 --> 00:16:10,929
Well, not all of him won.
531
00:16:07,717 --> 00:16:10,929
Just his nose.
532
00:16:12,806 --> 00:16:14,432
What a night?
533
00:16:15,433 --> 00:16:16,726
You look trashed.
534
00:16:16,768 --> 00:16:19,228
That's because
535
00:16:16,768 --> 00:16:19,228
living with Michelle
536
00:16:19,270 --> 00:16:22,189
is a nightmare
537
00:16:19,270 --> 00:16:22,189
on Sesame Street.
538
00:16:23,983 --> 00:16:26,402
Dad, I want my room back.
539
00:16:26,444 --> 00:16:29,489
[clicks tongue]
540
00:16:26,444 --> 00:16:29,489
No way. It was
541
00:16:26,444 --> 00:16:29,489
so wonderful waking up
542
00:16:29,530 --> 00:16:33,117
to the birds chirping instead
543
00:16:29,530 --> 00:16:33,117
of you blowing your nose.
544
00:16:34,201 --> 00:16:35,495
Whoa, girls, what happened
545
00:16:35,536 --> 00:16:37,497
to that beautiful hug
546
00:16:35,536 --> 00:16:37,497
I saw last night?
547
00:16:37,538 --> 00:16:38,915
It was a fake hug.
548
00:16:40,082 --> 00:16:43,043
A fake hug? In my house?
549
00:16:43,085 --> 00:16:45,212
It was D.J.'s idea.
550
00:16:46,255 --> 00:16:48,758
You little weasel.
551
00:16:48,800 --> 00:16:51,093
- I want my room back.
552
00:16:48,800 --> 00:16:51,093
- So take me to court.
553
00:16:51,135 --> 00:16:53,471
I will! I'll take you
554
00:16:51,135 --> 00:16:53,471
to People's Court.
555
00:16:53,513 --> 00:16:56,223
Wait a minute.
556
00:16:53,513 --> 00:16:56,223
We don't need Judge Wapner.
557
00:16:56,265 --> 00:16:58,852
We have Judge Tanner.
558
00:16:56,265 --> 00:16:58,852
Now here's an idea.
559
00:16:58,893 --> 00:17:01,646
We'll have our own court
560
00:16:58,893 --> 00:17:01,646
right here in our living room
561
00:17:01,688 --> 00:17:03,481
to decide who
562
00:17:01,688 --> 00:17:03,481
is living with who.
563
00:17:03,523 --> 00:17:05,107
Great, and Joey and I
564
00:17:03,523 --> 00:17:05,107
will be the lawyers.
565
00:17:05,149 --> 00:17:06,776
That is a great idea.
566
00:17:06,818 --> 00:17:09,111
The court appoint Mr. Katsopolis
567
00:17:06,818 --> 00:17:09,111
to represent Stephanie
568
00:17:09,153 --> 00:17:11,698
and Mr. Gladstone
569
00:17:09,153 --> 00:17:11,698
to represent D.J.
570
00:17:11,739 --> 00:17:13,491
'I expect you to tell
571
00:17:11,739 --> 00:17:13,491
the whole truth.'
572
00:17:13,533 --> 00:17:16,327
Alright, court
573
00:17:13,533 --> 00:17:16,327
is now in session.
574
00:17:17,662 --> 00:17:20,247
Defense, please call
575
00:17:17,662 --> 00:17:20,247
your first witness.
576
00:17:20,289 --> 00:17:21,541
Your Honor, I call
577
00:17:21,582 --> 00:17:24,002
Donna Jo Tanner
578
00:17:21,582 --> 00:17:24,002
to the stand, please.
579
00:17:25,879 --> 00:17:28,422
Donna Jo, please
580
00:17:25,879 --> 00:17:28,422
tell the court why
581
00:17:28,464 --> 00:17:30,257
you no longer wish
582
00:17:28,464 --> 00:17:30,257
to share your room
583
00:17:30,299 --> 00:17:32,092
with your perky
584
00:17:30,299 --> 00:17:32,092
little sister.
585
00:17:32,134 --> 00:17:35,388
Objection, Your Honor.
586
00:17:35,429 --> 00:17:38,683
Please instruct counsel not to
587
00:17:35,429 --> 00:17:38,683
characterize the plaintiff.
588
00:17:38,725 --> 00:17:41,895
- How do you know all that junk?
589
00:17:38,725 --> 00:17:41,895
- I love those lawyer shows.
590
00:17:43,563 --> 00:17:47,274
D.J., please tell the court what
591
00:17:43,563 --> 00:17:47,274
your problem is with Stephanie.
592
00:17:47,316 --> 00:17:51,571
It's simple. She's in elementary
593
00:17:47,316 --> 00:17:51,571
school, I'm in junior high.
594
00:17:51,612 --> 00:17:53,197
We have nothing in common.
595
00:17:53,239 --> 00:17:56,242
And I really need my privacy
596
00:17:53,239 --> 00:17:56,242
to make phone calls
597
00:17:56,283 --> 00:17:57,827
to put on makeup.
598
00:17:57,869 --> 00:18:00,747
But every time I turn around,
599
00:17:57,869 --> 00:18:00,747
there she is.
600
00:18:01,956 --> 00:18:04,458
There must be five
601
00:18:01,956 --> 00:18:04,458
or six of her.
602
00:18:06,335 --> 00:18:08,212
Thank you, Donna Jo.
603
00:18:08,254 --> 00:18:09,964
Your witness, counsel.
604
00:18:13,342 --> 00:18:16,220
Ms. Tanner, you have
605
00:18:13,342 --> 00:18:16,220
just stated on the record
606
00:18:16,262 --> 00:18:18,723
that you have nothing
607
00:18:16,262 --> 00:18:18,723
in common with my client.
608
00:18:18,765 --> 00:18:22,142
But isn't it true
609
00:18:18,765 --> 00:18:22,142
that Wednesday last
610
00:18:22,184 --> 00:18:25,521
you were found playing Barbie
611
00:18:22,184 --> 00:18:25,521
dolls with young Stephanie?
612
00:18:25,563 --> 00:18:28,357
Well, there's nothing else
613
00:18:25,563 --> 00:18:28,357
to do. I-it was raining and--
614
00:18:28,399 --> 00:18:30,359
No further questions,
615
00:18:28,399 --> 00:18:30,359
Your Honor.
616
00:18:31,903 --> 00:18:33,195
I'd like to call
617
00:18:33,237 --> 00:18:34,989
Stephanie Judith Tanner
618
00:18:33,237 --> 00:18:34,989
to the stand.
619
00:18:40,661 --> 00:18:43,957
I can't live with Michelle.
620
00:18:40,661 --> 00:18:43,957
I'll go nuts.
621
00:18:43,998 --> 00:18:46,584
- Please wait for the question.
622
00:18:43,998 --> 00:18:46,584
- Sorry.
623
00:18:46,626 --> 00:18:48,753
So why can't you
624
00:18:46,626 --> 00:18:48,753
live with Michelle?
625
00:18:48,795 --> 00:18:52,381
- I'll go nuts!
626
00:18:48,795 --> 00:18:52,381
- No further questions.
627
00:18:52,423 --> 00:18:55,217
I have a question. Why did you
628
00:18:52,423 --> 00:18:55,217
move out in the first place?
629
00:18:55,259 --> 00:18:57,261
Because I can't live with D.J.
630
00:18:57,303 --> 00:18:58,972
at least not this D.J.
631
00:18:59,013 --> 00:19:02,683
I miss the old D.J.,
632
00:18:59,013 --> 00:19:02,683
the one who used to like me.
633
00:19:03,350 --> 00:19:04,435
Steph..
634
00:19:05,853 --> 00:19:07,688
...it's not that
635
00:19:05,853 --> 00:19:07,688
I don't like you.
636
00:19:07,730 --> 00:19:09,231
It's just that
637
00:19:07,730 --> 00:19:09,231
I'd like you better
638
00:19:09,273 --> 00:19:11,609
if you were in a different room.
639
00:19:11,651 --> 00:19:13,778
Well, that is just
640
00:19:11,651 --> 00:19:13,778
not gonna happen.
641
00:19:13,820 --> 00:19:15,321
Michelle is still very young
642
00:19:15,362 --> 00:19:17,156
and I don't want her to have
643
00:19:15,362 --> 00:19:17,156
a roommate right now.
644
00:19:17,907 --> 00:19:19,575
Stephanie..
645
00:19:19,617 --> 00:19:23,621
...you have to realize that
646
00:19:19,617 --> 00:19:23,621
D.J. is becoming a young woman.
647
00:19:23,663 --> 00:19:25,915
Things aren't gonna be exactly
648
00:19:23,663 --> 00:19:25,915
the way they were.
649
00:19:25,957 --> 00:19:28,876
- You have to understand that.
650
00:19:25,957 --> 00:19:28,876
- Okay.
651
00:19:28,918 --> 00:19:30,795
And D.J.,
652
00:19:28,918 --> 00:19:30,795
you have to understand
653
00:19:30,837 --> 00:19:32,713
that Stephanie is still
654
00:19:30,837 --> 00:19:32,713
gonna be your roommate.
655
00:19:32,755 --> 00:19:35,466
So you have to find some way
656
00:19:32,755 --> 00:19:35,466
to get along with her.
657
00:19:35,508 --> 00:19:36,884
[clicks tongue]
658
00:19:35,508 --> 00:19:36,884
Okay.
659
00:19:36,926 --> 00:19:39,386
Girls, I-I realize this
660
00:19:36,926 --> 00:19:39,386
five-year age difference
661
00:19:39,428 --> 00:19:41,764
seems like a lot now,
662
00:19:39,428 --> 00:19:41,764
but before you know it
663
00:19:41,806 --> 00:19:43,557
it won't mean a thing.
664
00:19:43,599 --> 00:19:45,143
You know, some day, girls,
665
00:19:43,599 --> 00:19:45,143
you're gonna realize
666
00:19:45,184 --> 00:19:47,145
just how lucky you are
667
00:19:45,184 --> 00:19:47,145
to have one another.
668
00:19:50,523 --> 00:19:53,317
Okay, let's move Stephanie's
669
00:19:50,523 --> 00:19:53,317
stuff back into her room.
670
00:19:55,277 --> 00:19:57,488
- Let's go.
671
00:19:55,277 --> 00:19:57,488
- Can't we play more lawyer?
672
00:19:58,865 --> 00:20:00,950
[instrumental music]
673
00:20:02,576 --> 00:20:04,411
So, Mr. Bear,
674
00:20:02,576 --> 00:20:04,411
do you think anyone else
675
00:20:04,453 --> 00:20:06,372
will be dressed
676
00:20:04,453 --> 00:20:06,372
as Batman this year?
677
00:20:07,915 --> 00:20:10,292
Ha ha ha.
678
00:20:13,253 --> 00:20:16,632
Boy, I'm gonna get tired
679
00:20:13,253 --> 00:20:16,632
of doing this laugh all night.
680
00:20:17,591 --> 00:20:21,220
Well, have fun at your party.
681
00:20:21,261 --> 00:20:24,765
Why are you moping around?
682
00:20:21,261 --> 00:20:24,765
You love the carnival.
683
00:20:24,807 --> 00:20:27,810
Yeah, but it's gonna be
684
00:20:24,807 --> 00:20:27,810
my first carnival without you.
685
00:20:28,519 --> 00:20:31,022
I don't get it.
686
00:20:31,064 --> 00:20:33,524
Why do you wanna hang out
687
00:20:31,064 --> 00:20:33,524
with me so much?
688
00:20:34,274 --> 00:20:36,110
Well, the truth is
689
00:20:36,152 --> 00:20:38,612
I like to hang out
690
00:20:36,152 --> 00:20:38,612
with you because
691
00:20:38,654 --> 00:20:40,698
I wanna be just like you.
692
00:20:40,740 --> 00:20:43,659
You're smart and pretty
693
00:20:40,740 --> 00:20:43,659
and really cool.
694
00:20:43,701 --> 00:20:45,327
Wouldn't you wanna
695
00:20:43,701 --> 00:20:45,327
hang out with you?
696
00:20:46,495 --> 00:20:48,414
Can't argue with any of that.
697
00:20:50,124 --> 00:20:52,459
I guess some times
698
00:20:50,124 --> 00:20:52,459
I like hanging out with you too.
699
00:20:53,169 --> 00:20:54,962
Really? How come?
700
00:20:57,006 --> 00:20:59,175
Well, you're a little nutty,
701
00:20:59,217 --> 00:21:01,260
but you always make me laugh
702
00:21:01,301 --> 00:21:03,596
and you have definite
703
00:21:01,301 --> 00:21:03,596
cool potential.
704
00:21:05,472 --> 00:21:08,434
Tell you what, I'll go to that
705
00:21:05,472 --> 00:21:08,434
Halloween carnival with you
706
00:21:08,475 --> 00:21:10,477
and I'll go
707
00:21:08,475 --> 00:21:10,477
to my party later.
708
00:21:10,519 --> 00:21:13,480
Really? Oh, thanks, D.J.
709
00:21:13,522 --> 00:21:15,233
Hold that hug.
710
00:21:16,483 --> 00:21:18,861
[sighs]
711
00:21:16,483 --> 00:21:18,861
I don't want a roommate.
712
00:21:19,820 --> 00:21:22,240
But, since I have to have one..
713
00:21:22,281 --> 00:21:24,951
...I guess I couldn't
714
00:21:22,281 --> 00:21:24,951
think of anyone better than you.
715
00:21:24,992 --> 00:21:26,244
Wow!
716
00:21:26,285 --> 00:21:28,579
Two nice things in a row!
717
00:21:29,663 --> 00:21:32,083
- Now?
718
00:21:29,663 --> 00:21:32,083
- Now.
719
00:21:35,461 --> 00:21:36,587
Aw!
720
00:21:38,005 --> 00:21:39,882
Batman hugging The Joker.
721
00:21:41,134 --> 00:21:43,302
Now, this is how the movie
722
00:21:41,134 --> 00:21:43,302
should have ended.
723
00:21:44,845 --> 00:21:47,723
Meow!
724
00:21:48,515 --> 00:21:51,560
Ah, Michelle!
725
00:21:51,602 --> 00:21:54,105
You are the cutest kitten
726
00:21:51,602 --> 00:21:54,105
in town.
727
00:21:55,397 --> 00:21:57,024
Guys, come on in,
728
00:21:55,397 --> 00:21:57,024
we don't wanna be late
729
00:21:57,066 --> 00:21:58,442
for the kids'
730
00:21:57,066 --> 00:21:58,442
Halloween carnival.
731
00:21:58,484 --> 00:22:00,111
(Jesse)
732
00:21:58,484 --> 00:22:00,111
'Oh, yes, we do!'
733
00:22:11,080 --> 00:22:12,832
Yuk it up all you want, Danny.
734
00:22:12,873 --> 00:22:14,792
There's one thing
735
00:22:12,873 --> 00:22:14,792
we forgot to tell you.
736
00:22:16,085 --> 00:22:18,879
We're your dates.
737
00:22:18,921 --> 00:22:22,925
♪ On the good ship lollipop ♪
738
00:22:22,967 --> 00:22:27,096
♪ It's a sweet trip
739
00:22:22,967 --> 00:22:27,096
to a candy shop ♪♪
740
00:22:28,097 --> 00:22:29,807
♪ Ahh ahh ahh ahh ♪♪
741
00:22:30,599 --> 00:22:32,685
[theme music]