[instrumental music]
Play the teapot song.
You wanna hear the teapot song?
Come on, Joe, let's give
her a little teapot blues.
- Alright, Jess.
- Hit it, young man.
[Jesse And Joey singing
"I'm a Little Teapot"]
♪ I'm a little teapot ♪
♪ Short and stout ♪
♪ Well here is my handle ♪
♪ Here is my spout ♪
♪ When I get all hot ♪
♪ You're gonna hear me shout ♪
♪ You should've tipped me over
baby and poured me out ♪
♪ Rock 'n roll ♪♪
(Jesse)
'Shake that tushy, Michelle!'
Yeah!
[theme music]
♪ Ahh ahh ahh ♪
♪ Ahh ♪
♪ What ever happened
to predictability ♪
♪ The milk man, the paper boy,
evening TV ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Everywhere ♪
♪ There's a heart ♪
♪ A hand to hold on to ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Everywhere ♪
♪ There's a face of somebody
who needs you ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ When you're lost out there
and you're all alone ♪
♪ A light is waiting
to carry you home ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Do be do ba ba da ♪♪
[instrumental music]
Michelle, what is this?
Michelle..
...how did Gumby get stuck
in the garbage disposal?
Don't look at me.
Oh, Jess, you found my Gumby.
'Hi, Deej.'
- Hi, guys.
- 'Hey, Deej.'
Hey, I got my costume for
the Christmas play tomorrow.
You guys are gonna
think it's so cute.
And if you don't,
please lie to me
'cause I gotta wear it anyway.
(Jesse)
'Don't worry, we'll love it.'
So, boys, do any work today,
or did you just play housewife?
Well, Kimmy, I called
your mom. Great news.
You can move back home.
Your room's been
painted and the repairs
from the earthquake
are finished.
Actually, they were
finished yesterday
but somehow your
mom forgot to call.
Oh, I hate to leave. I feel like
I'm part of the family now.
Yeah, you know,
you've only been here two days
but, gosh, Joseph
doesn't it seem
like a lifetime?
I'll see you later, kid.
It's been a slice.
- I guess I'll go pack.
- Oh, no need.
Already packed for you.
It's all part of our service.
Kimmy, don't go. I miss you.
The little goofball worships me.
Would it make you happy
if I stay here one more night?
- No. No.
- Yes.
- Then I'm staying.
- I'll take this to your room.
Hey, what's going on?
Well, I was about to go home
but everyone begged me
to stay one more night.
First the earthquake, now this.
Haven't I been through enough?
- Ho, ho, ho.
- 'Whoa!'
- Well, what do you think?
- Yeah.
Well, if my belly shook
like a bowl of jelly
you'd be my kinda woman.
If your belly shook
like a bowl full of jelly?
- You look great, Deej. Mercy.
- You look cute.
- What do you think, Steph?
- Great costume.
And it matches that
red pimple on your nose.
- You're kidding, right?
- Check it out.
This can't be.
I've never, ever had..
...a zit!
Oh, no. This can't be happening.
Well, Deej, it's okay.
It's part of life, you know?
Sooner or later, everybody gets
a visit from the zit fairy.
I have to be Mrs. Claus tomorrow
in front of the whole school.
You can always switch
parts and play Rudolph.
What are you laughing at,
Parakeet Legs?
Ooh!
Cranky pimple.
[instrumental music]
D.J., D.J.,
do you feel that shaking?
Yes, I feel it. Stop shaking me.
I think we just had
another little earthquake.
Stephanie, don't be
such a scaredy-cat.
Your little earthquake
is a garbage truck.
Steph, go back to sleep.
How can you sleep
when there's a garbage truck
pretending to be an earthquake?
I'll go see if Michelle's okay.
D.J., how'd your zit cream work?
I don't know.
I guess I better go check.
Michelle. Michelle, wake up.
Good morning.
It's not morning.
You're having trouble sleeping.
I am?
You are. But come with me.
We'll go sleep in Daddy's room.
This is nuts.
Just come with me.
[snoring]
Daddy sleeps loud.
Shh. You go on that side,
I'll get on this side.
- Goodnight, Michelle.
- Goodnight, Stephanie.
Goodnight, Daddy!
Michelle..
...why are you awake?
My eyes are open.
- Hi, Dad!
- Oh, hey. It's a party now.
Steph, this has been
happening too much lately.
You know you cannot
sleep in my room.
I know. But this time
it wasn't my fault.
Michelle came into my room, woke
me up and dragged me in here.
- I did not.
- Did so.
- Did not.
- Did so.
Did not, did not.
Okay, okay. I think
I get the gist of this.
Something did or did not happen.
Alright, it's a slumber party,
okay? Everybody go to bed.
- Okay.
- Goodnight.
Daddy, no more snoring.
I do not snore.
- Do too.
- Do not.
- Do too.
- Do not.
- Do too.
- Do not, do not, do not.
Go to bed.
- Do not.
- Do too.
[theme music]
D.J., come on,
you're gonna miss the bus.
Kimmy where are you?
Over here.
Follow the sound of my voice.
Hold it, Benji.
D.J., that pimple
is not that bad.
Joey, I cannot be
Mrs. Santa Claus like this.
She's 612 years old. Her face
would have cleared up by now.
If it's bothering you that much,
it's very simple.
Just put a little
Band-Aid on it.
Bada-bing.
Why would Mrs. Claus
wear a Band-Aid?
Oh, just say that Jack Frost
was nipping at your nose.
Ho, ho, ho.
Stifle it, Kimmy.
Kimmy, let's go.
Lead me to the bus.
Bye, D.J. Good luck
with your play.
Thanks, Dad.
I'll need it.
Daddy and I are having the best
morning. Aren't we, daddy?
We sure are, sweetheart.
Let's keep the fun going.
I'll go to work with you.
Honey, you know
you've to go to school.
I know, but I bet I could
learn more hanging out with you
because you're the smartest
person in the whole world.
Well, gee
I don't know if I'm the smartest
person in the whole world.
There must be someone smarter.
Like, maybe in Japan.
- No.
Steph, I promise we'll have fun
together when I get home, okay?
- I can't wait.
- Oh, this is so sweet.
- Now, go get your books.
- Okay.
Oh, if you want, you can
come to school with me.
It's macaroni surprise day.
Think about it.
Steph's really been
clingy to you lately.
What's going on with her?
Nothing's going on with her.
What's wrong with a daughter
adoring her father?
You heard her.
She thinks I'm the smartest
most handsome dad
in the whole universe.
She didn't say
anything about handsome.
Well, it goes without saying.
Uncle Jesse! Joey!
Where's Daddy?
Well, he's probably just
stuck in traffic, Steph.
You don't know that for sure.
Uh, Steph, honey..
...while we wait for your dad
why don't we watch that
really cool "Wizard Of Oz" tape?
Oh, yeah.
You love those Munchkins. Joey.
♪ We represent
the Lollypop Guild ♪
♪ The Lollypop Guild
the Lollypop Guild ♪
♪ And in the name
of the Lollypop Guild ♪
♪ We welcome you to.. ♪
♪ ...Munchkin-land ♪♪
I'm home.
Daddy, where were you?
I missed you!
Oh, I missed you too.
I was stuck in traffic.
Let's play pick-up-sticks.
We'll have a great time.
The whole game is cleaning up.
I'd love to, sweetie,
but it's gonna
have to wait
until tomorrow, okay?
Honey, I have
dinner plans tonight.
Okay, I'll go with you.
Should I wear my
pink dress or my blue dress?
Sweetheart,
it's a business dinner.
Better go with the blue.
I'm sorry, honey. It's
for grown-ups only, okay?
You can't go.
No, Daddy, you can't go!
Sweetie, it's only
for a couple hours.
Steph, we'll be here with you.
Yeah, we'll play
any game you want.
No, I want my Daddy!
You can't go.
Don't leave me. Don't leave me.
It's okay, it's okay.
I won't go.
I'll stay here with you, okay?
Everything's alright.
[instrumental music]
Yes! I win again!
Playing "Barrel of Monkeys"
is more fun than a barrel of..
I bet that's where
they got the name.
- My turn.
- Okay, Michelle.
Now, the first thing
you do is shake it up.
Well, as long as
you're shaking, hold this.
'Okay, now dump 'em.'
Now you try to pick
all the monkeys up.
Got it, dude.
This is easy.
Dad, she's turning "Barrel of
Monkeys" into a very silly game.
Steph, why don't you
and I have a talk over here.
- Just the two of us, okay?
- Okay.
Okay. We'll be back, Michelle.
You keep monkeying around.
Okay, daddy.
I heard a good joke
in school today.
How do you know an elephant
has been in your refrigerator?
I don't know.
By the footprints in the butter.
I kill myself. You tell one.
Okay, what's purple
and lives in the ocean?
A purple fish?
Moby Grape.
I don't get it.
- You're right, it's not funny.
- 'Hey.'
You remember me?
It's monkey time.
Oh, Michelle, the monkeys are
tired. You put them to sleep.
Goodnight, monkey.
Steph, I wanna
ask you something.
How come you were
so upset tonight
when I told you
I was going out to dinner?
'Cause I wanna be with you.
Honey, lately
you've been clinging
to my side all the time.
If something's bothering you
I wanna know what it is, so
I can make you feel better.
I feel fine.
Well, then I guess you won't be
sleeping in my room anymore.
Why not? Are you mad at me?
No, honey, I'm not mad at you.
I just need to know
what is bothering you.
Nothing is bothering me!
Come on, let's go play
some more "Barrel of Monkeys".
My turn.
Shh. The monkeys are sleeping.
Goodnight, monkeys.
[instrumental music]
This soup has
absolutely no taste.
I'm boiling water.
Well, in that case,
it's delicious.
- Hi, guys.
- Hey, how'd the play go?
The play was fine.
But here's the great news.
Everybody has zits.
That is great news.
I went into
the girls' room to see
if I could still stop
traffic with my nose
and there were 10 other girls
checking out their zits.
So I said, "Hey, anyone wanna
play connect the dots?"
We all started laughing.
I realized that having zits
is not that big a deal.
Just as long as their faces
don't clear up before mine.
- Bye.
Yup.
Joey..
We did it again.
Jess, we didn't do anything.
Will you just let me
have my moment, please?
- Hi, guys.
- Hey, Danny.
How'd it go with Steph?
I don't know. She won't tell me
what's wrong with her.
I tried everything,
but I can't get through to her.
Danny, don't be
so hard on yourself.
Hey, I have a trophy
in my bedroom
that says
"World's Greatest Dad".
- I'd like to deserve it.
- Oh, Danny, come on.
Not every dad knows every
answer to every problem.
Yeah, that'll do me
a lot good tomorrow
when I try to leave
and Stephanie
won't let go of my leg.
Maybe we need
some help with this.
What do you mean, take her
to a therapist or something?
Yeah, why not?
Joey, it's not that serious.
Danny, you just said that she--
Look, look, she has these
times when she needs me
and then we spend some time
and things are calm again.
Hey, Danny, admit it.
After what happened today,
whatever Stephanie's problem is
it's not going away,
it's getting worse.
Well, what do
you want me to do?
Take her to a stranger and say
"I can't handle
my own kid's problem?"
No, I want you to say
that you love
Stephanie so much
that you would do
anything to help her.
[sighs]
I'll call Steph's pediatrician
and see who he recommends.
You're a great dad.
You know, you guys make
pretty good dads yourselves.
Thanks. Now, you go
make your phone call
clean up for dinner, you wash
under those nails, young man.
- Yes, sir.
- And, son..
...I know about those
magazines under your bed.
[instrumental music]
Come on in.
I'll be right with you.
- Hi.
- How is it in here?
- It's pretty fun.
And the best part is,
you get to miss school.
- Hello.
- Hi.
I'm Marian Steiner.
I'm Danny Tanner, and this
is my daughter Stephanie.
- Hi, Stephanie.
- Hi.
We're gonna have a good time in
here. I have all kinds of toys.
Do you have Nintendo Game Boy
with "Super Mario Bros."?
No, but I'll put it
on my shopping list.
Would you like
to draw a picture for me?
Sure. How about a nice bird?
Well, I like birds,
But what I'd really like to see
is a picture of your family.
You're in luck. Families and
birds are my two best things.
You have a very verbal daughter.
Well, she loves to talk. She can
just babble on about anything.
It can be school, weather. She
just talks, talks, and talks.
I can't believe she does it. I
have no idea where she gets it.
Please, sit down.
Thanks. Uh, you
probably haven't noticed
but I'm a little nervous.
I noticed.
It's just that this is the first
time Stephanie hasn't been able
to tell me what's bothering her.
She may not be aware herself.
We don't always know
why we do the things we do.
For instance..
...do you know why
you're dusting my table?
Uh, I love to dust.
Something wrong with that?
What do you think?
Well, when I was growing up
all the other kids wanted
to be astronauts or firemen.
I wanted to be a maid.
- I'm through coloring.
- And not a moment too soon.
Alrighty. Let's hang
this up over here.
Whoo, this is great!
Who are all these people?
Well, the one with
the can of spinach is Joey.
He does a great
Popeye impression.
[imitating Popeye]
And this is my Uncle Jesse.
He's got curly lips
because he thinks he's Elvis.
And this is my sister, D.J.
What is this big red dot?
That's her new zit.
Stephanie, what's this
squiggly line up here?
That's a crack in the wall.
- Well, how did that get there?
- From the earthquake.
And here's my sister Michelle
and my dog, Comet.
And here's me.
I think I look taller in person.
Well, now, who's this man
standing outside the house?
That's my daddy.
Why isn't he inside
with the rest of you?
Because he was late.
Was he late the day
of the earthquake?
Uh-huh. We didn't know where
he was for three whole hours.
Well, how did that
make you feel?
Terrible.
I didn't know where
you were or what happened.
You should have been with me.
I was so scared
I'd never see you again.
Oh, Steph, I'm right here.
So you were scared
after the earthquake
because you didn't know
where your Daddy was?
Uh-huh.
So do you think
the reason you wanna
be with Daddy all the time
is so that you'll
always know where he is?
Yeah. What if there's
another earthquake?
Have you been thinking
about that a lot?
I try not to, but people
are always talking about it
and it's on TV
and there are all
those garbage trucks
that feel like
little earthquakes.
When it comes to earthquakes,
the best thing we can do
is to be prepared for them.
That's right.
And we are prepared, Steph.
We have all of our water
and our food and our batteries
and everything else
we talked about. Remember?
Uh-huh.
But I still worry about you.
I've got a good idea.
Why not we make a list
of things that you can do
so you won't worry
when your dad's away?
Okay, like what?
Well, your Dad can call you
whenever he knows
he's gonna be late.
That's good. Then you'll
always know where I am.
Yeah, I like that.
What else you got?
Well, if you're
still a little scared
you can spend a couple
more nights in dad's room.
But in a sleeping
bag on the floor.
- Okay.
- And only if you need to.
We'll see what happens.
Now, what can we do
about those garbage trucks?
What a racket!
I'll call our councilman
in the mornin'.
Okay, I'll put this on the list.
Alright, Steph, if you wanna
camp out in my room
the sleeping bag
is still there.
- Do you still snore, Daddy?
- Yes.
I'll stay here.
Sorry.
Listen, if you need anything
I'll be right
across the hall, okay?
- Okay.
- And I'm downstairs.
But if you need me,
I can be up here, like that.
And if you guys need me,
I'll be right here.
That's my girl.
- You're doing great.
- Thanks.
- Goodnight.
- Goodnight, dad.
- Goodnight, guys.
- Goodnight.
- Goodnight, Steph.
Goodnight.
D.J., could you do me a favor?
Sure. What is it?
Can you un-tuck me a little?
I can't move.
- There we go. Goodnight.
- Goodnight.
[theme music]