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[theme music]

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Michelle, you are gonna

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look so pretty for grandma.

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I really hope so.

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Well, don't worry. We're gonna

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make you look like a movie star.

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Go take a look.

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(D.J.)

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'What do you think?'

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No good. I look like me.

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Doing her hair was so much

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easier when she was a baby.

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I know. She was bald.

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Now I'm a movie star.

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Let's go see grandma.

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Right behind you, Zsa Zsa.

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[instrumental music]

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[theme song]

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♪ Ah ah ah ♪

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♪ Ah ♪

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♪ Whatever happened

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to predictability ♪

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♪ The milk man

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the paper boy evenin' TV ♪

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♪ Ah ♪

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♪ Everywhere you look ♪

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♪ Everywhere ♪

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♪ There's a heart ♪

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♪ There's a heart ♪

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♪ A hand to hold on to ♪

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♪ Everywhere you look ♪

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♪ Everywhere ♪

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♪ There's a face of somebody

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who needs you ♪

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♪ Everywhere you look ♪

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♪ When you're lost out there

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and you're all alone ♪

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♪ A light is waiting

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to carry you home ♪

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♪ Everywhere you look ♪

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♪ Everywhere you look ♪

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♪ Dooby do ba ba da ♪♪

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[instrumental music]

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Well, Cynthia, it sounds

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like this year's

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Festival of Cultural Arts

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is gonna be the best yet.

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Well, we certainly hope so.

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We'll have opera, ballet

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and plenty of free parking.

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[laughs]

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Oh, how can it miss with someone

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like Cynthia Ryan in charge?

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Just look how

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she's put together.

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Excuse me?

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Oh, I mean,

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you put together this

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fabulous Festival of Culture.

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[chuckles]

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Not that you're

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not put together

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because you are definitely..

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...Rebecca, tell me

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we're out of time.

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Mm, you're in luck.

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We're outta time.

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Great, well, I would like to

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thank our guest, Cynthia Ry--

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- Oh!

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- Gosh, I'm so sorry.

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I just, I was

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uncrossing my legs. I'm sorry.

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Well, while Danny

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blots our guest

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I'd just like to say,

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I'm Rebecca Donaldson.

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And I'm a total disgrace.

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We'll see you Monday.

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Right here on

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"Wake Up, San Francisco."

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♪ Wake up ♪♪

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[instrumental music]

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[sighs]

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Hey, Beck. I fixed your car.

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I changed the oil,

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I changed the filter

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and I changed

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the stations on the radio.

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You had two of 'em

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set to the news.

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Well, Danny, Rebecca,

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thanks for the plug.

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I'll see you Monday

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night at the party.

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- Okay.

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- Uh, Cynthia, here's an idea.

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Um, why don't, uh, we go to

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the party together as a couple?

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Not a serious couple,

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just you know

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a couple of people

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going to a party.

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That sounds great.

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What's the story

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with this party?

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Oh, you're invited too.

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It's a kick off of

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The Festival of Cultural Arts.

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It'll be great,

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it's gonna be an evening of

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Tennyson, Mozart, Shakespeare.

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Ah, Beck, you know me,

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I-I don't like sitting around

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chitchatting about

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a bunch of dead guys.

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Elvis is a dead guy.

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That's never been proven.

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Come on, Jesse, it'll be fun.

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You can meet my old English

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professor, Dr. Eric Trent.

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He's fascinating,

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he can talk about

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Elizabethan poetry for hours.

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They'll be scalping

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tickets for that one.

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You know, Jess, it wouldn't hurt

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you to meet some people

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who can talk about things

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besides rock 'n' roll

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and motorcycles.

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Ah, that's all

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you think I know about?

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That's not what I said.

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No, that's what

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you meant, young lady.

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Let me tell you somethin',

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I may've little grease under

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my finger nails

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but I can hold my own

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with any of those

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artsy smartsy dudes.

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Great, then you'll

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come to the party.

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You need a tuxedo and, uh

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you might wanna start

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washing up now.

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Oh, come on!

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Like this.

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[instrumental music]

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[Joey whistling]

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Hey, Joey, what's for dinner?

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[speaking in Italian accent]

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Thin strands of pasta

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with petite spheres of beef

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in a light tomato sauce.

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- Spaghetti again?

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- Spaghetti again?

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Mm, "basketti."

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No, Michelle,

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that's "spaghetti."

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That's what I said. Basketti.

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Wanna play "Michellophone"?

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What's that?

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It's when you whisper stuff

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in Michelle's ear and then laugh

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when it comes

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out her mouth, watch.

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[whispering]

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You got chicken legs.

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[laughs]

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Let me try that.

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[whispering]

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You're a cheese-head.

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[no audio]

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How rude!

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Hi, Steph, hi, Michelle,

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hi, D.J., hey, Joey.

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Bye, Joey, bye, D.J.,

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bye, Michelle, bye, Steph.

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Uh, girls, I'll be right back.

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You keep an eye

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on the "basketti."

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Jess, what're you doing

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with all the books?

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What?

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Can't a man go to the library

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and check out a classical

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selection of literature

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for a weekend

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of good reading?

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Who are you,

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and what did you do with Jesse?

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Ah, Joey, I got roped into this

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cultural party

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thing this weekend.

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And, you know,

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I never went to college

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so I figured

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I might as well bone up

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so I won't look

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like a bonehead.

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Jess, this is great.

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I'm very proud of you.

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Pretty soon you're

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gonna be smart. So.

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♪ You will not

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be just a nothin' ♪

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♪ Your head all full of stuffin'

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your heart all full of pain ♪

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[whistling]

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♪ With the thoughts

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you'll be thinkin' ♪

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♪ You could be another Lincoln ♪

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♪ If you only had a brain ♪♪

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I'll get you,

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and your little dog too.

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[instrumental music]

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Cynthia, I'd like to introduce

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you to my daughters.

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- This is D.J.

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- Hi! It's nice to meet you.

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- Hello.

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- That is Stephanie.

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It's a pleasure

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to make your acquaintance.

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[laughs]

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And this is my

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littlest, Michelle.

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Hi-ya, cheese-head.

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- Cheese what?

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- Cheese-head.

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[chuckles]

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Isn't that cute?

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It's her very first insult.

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Girls, you shouldn't teach this

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kind of stuff to your sister.

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Now when I get home

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from this party tonight

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I want my sweet little

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Michelle back to normal, okay?

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- Okay.

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- Okay, chicken legs.

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- Bye.

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- Bye.

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Bye.

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I'm sorry about that

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cheese-head remark.

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Actually, in Wisconsin,

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cheese-head is a compliment.

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[opera music on stereo]

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Oh, what did she just sit on?

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Please, turn it off.

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Here. It's every penny I have.

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Alright. Alright.

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[Steph and D.J. sigh]

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Becky's got me going

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to this cultural party

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and I wanna look smart, you

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know, so I've been listening to

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opera, and, you know,

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studying art and..

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...well, look at this,

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I even put some posters up.

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I've got Van Gogh,

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Monet, "Sammet."

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You read all

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those books in two days?

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Well, no, but I read these.

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Plato, "The Republic."

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Kafka, "The Metamorphosis"

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and "Is That You, Big Guy?

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Sightings of Elvis."

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And how are you gonna read all

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these books before the party?

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Well, ur, I, see,

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I have this figured out.

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What we're gonna do here

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is I'll just read the beginning

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and ends of each book, right?

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"A Tale of Two Cities."

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"It was the best of times,

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it was the worst of times."

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"It is far,

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far better rest that I go to

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than I have ever known."

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Whoa! Surprise ending.

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Girls, I can't

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go through with this.

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I gotta think of one good excuse

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00:07:57,602 --> 00:08:00,105
not to go to this party.

292
00:08:01,606 --> 00:08:03,942
One O two! Wow!

293
00:08:04,859 --> 00:08:06,861
- I'll be okay.

294
00:08:04,859 --> 00:08:06,861
- Jess.

295
00:08:06,903 --> 00:08:08,280
You wouldn't

296
00:08:06,903 --> 00:08:08,280
be trying to get out

297
00:08:08,322 --> 00:08:09,656
of the party tonight, would you?

298
00:08:09,697 --> 00:08:12,367
Oh, no, no, no, I'll go

299
00:08:09,697 --> 00:08:12,367
to the party tonight

300
00:08:12,409 --> 00:08:14,911
then I'll go

301
00:08:12,409 --> 00:08:14,911
to the hospital tomorrow.

302
00:08:14,953 --> 00:08:17,456
I know what you're saying.

303
00:08:14,953 --> 00:08:17,456
"Jesse, don't be a hero.

304
00:08:17,497 --> 00:08:19,040
Stay in bed and.."

305
00:08:19,082 --> 00:08:21,376
Actually, I better

306
00:08:19,082 --> 00:08:21,376
do that. I'll-I'll go to bed.

307
00:08:21,418 --> 00:08:22,794
Could you point

308
00:08:21,418 --> 00:08:22,794
me to my room? I'm a little..

309
00:08:22,836 --> 00:08:23,837
[doorbell ringing]

310
00:08:23,878 --> 00:08:25,130
Thanks a lot, Jess.

311
00:08:28,633 --> 00:08:31,178
- Eric!

312
00:08:28,633 --> 00:08:31,178
- Becca!

313
00:08:31,219 --> 00:08:32,429
[whispering]

314
00:08:31,219 --> 00:08:32,429
Becca?

315
00:08:34,473 --> 00:08:36,850
Danny, Cynthia,

316
00:08:34,473 --> 00:08:36,850
this is Dr. Eric Trent.

317
00:08:36,891 --> 00:08:38,768
Eric was my favorite professor.

318
00:08:38,810 --> 00:08:41,562
Ah, Rebecca

319
00:08:38,810 --> 00:08:41,562
was my favorite student.

320
00:08:41,604 --> 00:08:43,773
And Jesse's her favorite

321
00:08:41,604 --> 00:08:43,773
boyfriend. Hi, that's me.

322
00:08:45,484 --> 00:08:47,986
- Well, we should be going.

323
00:08:45,484 --> 00:08:47,986
- I'll get your coat.

324
00:08:48,028 --> 00:08:49,612
Right this way.

325
00:08:49,654 --> 00:08:51,365
- Oh, this is a nice coat.

326
00:08:49,654 --> 00:08:51,365
- Oh.

327
00:08:51,406 --> 00:08:52,907
- Here you go.

328
00:08:51,406 --> 00:08:52,907
- Thanks.

329
00:08:53,700 --> 00:08:54,909
- Eh...oh.

330
00:08:53,700 --> 00:08:54,909
- Mm.

331
00:08:54,951 --> 00:08:56,036
- No.

332
00:08:54,951 --> 00:08:56,036
- Ha ha ha.

333
00:08:56,077 --> 00:08:57,120
I'm terribly sorry.

334
00:08:57,162 --> 00:08:58,413
Why don't I just throw it up

335
00:08:58,455 --> 00:09:00,915
in the air and you run under it.

336
00:09:00,957 --> 00:09:03,210
While I take care of the coat,

337
00:09:00,957 --> 00:09:03,210
you can get the door.

338
00:09:03,251 --> 00:09:05,003
Alright.

339
00:09:05,045 --> 00:09:06,463
Goodnight, Jess.

340
00:09:06,505 --> 00:09:10,467
Oh, I forgot. You're sick.

341
00:09:06,505 --> 00:09:10,467
Feel better, sweetheart.

342
00:09:10,509 --> 00:09:12,969
Eric, I will never forget

343
00:09:10,509 --> 00:09:12,969
that seminar you gave

344
00:09:13,011 --> 00:09:14,471
on the romantic poets.

345
00:09:14,513 --> 00:09:15,805
You were inspiring.

346
00:09:15,847 --> 00:09:18,141
Uh, well, I don't

347
00:09:15,847 --> 00:09:18,141
remember the seminar

348
00:09:18,183 --> 00:09:21,144
but I do remember you.

349
00:09:21,186 --> 00:09:24,105
- Ha, ha, Jackie.

350
00:09:21,186 --> 00:09:24,105
- Ha, ha, "Jesse," you..

351
00:09:30,487 --> 00:09:31,988
I'm going to that party.

352
00:09:32,030 --> 00:09:33,323
[instrumental music]

353
00:09:36,243 --> 00:09:37,618
Alright, Joey,

354
00:09:36,243 --> 00:09:37,618
you gotta help me.

355
00:09:37,660 --> 00:09:39,037
'Cause I'm going to that

356
00:09:37,660 --> 00:09:39,037
party, I don't wanna

357
00:09:39,079 --> 00:09:40,288
look dumb in front of Becky.

358
00:09:40,330 --> 00:09:41,915
It's gonna be

359
00:09:40,330 --> 00:09:41,915
a roomful of champions

360
00:09:41,956 --> 00:09:44,125
from "Jeopardy" and I'm

361
00:09:41,956 --> 00:09:44,125
from "The Price is Right."

362
00:09:45,752 --> 00:09:47,795
Relax, Jess. I'll help you out.

363
00:09:47,837 --> 00:09:51,132
I did more in college than goof

364
00:09:47,837 --> 00:09:51,132
off, chase girls and party.

365
00:09:51,174 --> 00:09:53,218
I was in a fraternity too.

366
00:09:55,011 --> 00:09:57,931
Now, let's start

367
00:09:55,011 --> 00:09:57,931
with literature.

368
00:09:57,972 --> 00:09:59,599
Greatest novel ever written?

369
00:09:59,640 --> 00:10:02,227
You say, "I consider

370
00:09:59,640 --> 00:10:02,227
it a toss up between

371
00:10:02,269 --> 00:10:04,521
War and Peace and

372
00:10:02,269 --> 00:10:04,521
Crime and Punishment."

373
00:10:04,563 --> 00:10:08,900
Ooh, the thickest ones. Very

374
00:10:04,563 --> 00:10:08,900
impressive. What else you got?

375
00:10:08,942 --> 00:10:11,986
Well, if people are discussing

376
00:10:08,942 --> 00:10:11,986
classic cinema, you say

377
00:10:12,028 --> 00:10:14,739
"Citizen Kane is certainly

378
00:10:12,028 --> 00:10:14,739
in a class by itself."

379
00:10:14,781 --> 00:10:16,616
"Citizen Kane."

380
00:10:14,781 --> 00:10:16,616
Oh, I saw that movie.

381
00:10:16,657 --> 00:10:19,035
The, uh, fat dude

382
00:10:16,657 --> 00:10:19,035
was in it, right?

383
00:10:19,077 --> 00:10:21,496
Here's a little

384
00:10:19,077 --> 00:10:21,496
intellectual hint.

385
00:10:21,538 --> 00:10:24,999
Never refer to Mr. Welles

386
00:10:21,538 --> 00:10:24,999
as "the fat dude."

387
00:10:26,251 --> 00:10:28,587
Alright. Okay.

388
00:10:26,251 --> 00:10:28,587
I'm feeling smarter already.

389
00:10:28,628 --> 00:10:31,131
- What else you got?

390
00:10:28,628 --> 00:10:31,131
- 'Shakespeare trivia.'

391
00:10:31,172 --> 00:10:32,924
In all the original

392
00:10:31,172 --> 00:10:32,924
stage productions

393
00:10:32,966 --> 00:10:35,885
the women's parts were

394
00:10:32,966 --> 00:10:35,885
actually played by men.

395
00:10:35,927 --> 00:10:38,138
Oh, you mean like that weird

396
00:10:35,927 --> 00:10:38,138
show we saw in Vegas?

397
00:10:40,932 --> 00:10:42,934
You might wanna stay

398
00:10:40,932 --> 00:10:42,934
away from Shakespeare.

399
00:10:42,976 --> 00:10:45,395
Right. Alright,

400
00:10:42,976 --> 00:10:45,395
Joey, I gotta go.

401
00:10:45,437 --> 00:10:47,606
You sure all this stuff's gonna

402
00:10:45,437 --> 00:10:47,606
get me through this party?

403
00:10:47,688 --> 00:10:51,734
Well, if anything else comes up,

404
00:10:47,688 --> 00:10:51,734
just take your glasses and say

405
00:10:51,776 --> 00:10:54,779
"Interesting,

406
00:10:51,776 --> 00:10:54,779
but terribly overrated."

407
00:10:54,821 --> 00:10:55,947
Let me try that. Okay.

408
00:10:55,989 --> 00:10:57,657
[inhales]

409
00:10:55,989 --> 00:10:57,657
Mm.

410
00:10:57,698 --> 00:10:59,784
Interesting,

411
00:10:57,698 --> 00:10:59,784
but terribly overrated.

412
00:11:00,952 --> 00:11:02,287
Congratulations, Jess.

413
00:11:02,329 --> 00:11:04,914
You are now

414
00:11:02,329 --> 00:11:04,914
a sophisticated intellectual.

415
00:11:04,956 --> 00:11:05,999
- Yeah!

416
00:11:04,956 --> 00:11:05,999
- Yeah!

417
00:11:06,040 --> 00:11:07,875
Whoo-whoo-whoo!

418
00:11:10,044 --> 00:11:12,130
[soft classical music]

419
00:11:16,717 --> 00:11:18,761
[indistinct chattering]

420
00:11:19,429 --> 00:11:21,348
[laughing]

421
00:11:22,474 --> 00:11:25,226
(male #1)

422
00:11:22,474 --> 00:11:25,226
'"And in the end'

423
00:11:25,268 --> 00:11:26,727
"Only the hunger..

424
00:11:29,939 --> 00:11:31,690
'"The hunger'

425
00:11:32,942 --> 00:11:36,279
The hungry, hungering..

426
00:11:37,405 --> 00:11:39,032
...hunger."

427
00:11:39,073 --> 00:11:41,159
[applause]

428
00:11:47,706 --> 00:11:49,584
What are you doing?

429
00:11:49,626 --> 00:11:51,503
You don't wanna know.

430
00:11:53,254 --> 00:11:55,549
[music continues]

431
00:11:55,590 --> 00:11:57,676
[indistinct conversation]

432
00:11:58,885 --> 00:12:00,094
[clears throat]

433
00:12:02,263 --> 00:12:04,432
Hello. Hi. How're you?

434
00:12:02,263 --> 00:12:04,432
Nice to see you all.

435
00:12:04,474 --> 00:12:06,184
Good evening. Hi. Evening.

436
00:12:06,226 --> 00:12:08,978
Evening. Enchanted, hi.

437
00:12:06,226 --> 00:12:08,978
Nice to see you.

438
00:12:09,020 --> 00:12:11,272
Nice to see you.

439
00:12:09,020 --> 00:12:11,272
Nice to see both of you.

440
00:12:11,314 --> 00:12:14,234
Hi, Becky, how very nice

441
00:12:11,314 --> 00:12:14,234
it is to see you. How're you?

442
00:12:14,275 --> 00:12:16,444
Professor Trent.

443
00:12:14,275 --> 00:12:16,444
Charmed, I'm sure.

444
00:12:16,486 --> 00:12:18,988
[chuckles]

445
00:12:16,486 --> 00:12:18,988
Jess, honey,

446
00:12:16,486 --> 00:12:18,988
I thought you were sick.

447
00:12:19,030 --> 00:12:20,615
Oh, the bacteria

448
00:12:19,030 --> 00:12:20,615
hasn't been born

449
00:12:20,657 --> 00:12:22,992
that can keep me away

450
00:12:20,657 --> 00:12:22,992
from intellectual conversation.

451
00:12:23,034 --> 00:12:25,370
- Pardon me.

452
00:12:23,034 --> 00:12:25,370
- Oh, ah, my good man.

453
00:12:25,412 --> 00:12:27,080
We were just

454
00:12:25,412 --> 00:12:27,080
about to discuss the cinema.

455
00:12:27,121 --> 00:12:28,415
- We were?

456
00:12:27,121 --> 00:12:28,415
- Yes.

457
00:12:28,456 --> 00:12:30,250
Wouldn't you say

458
00:12:28,456 --> 00:12:30,250
that "Citizen Kane"

459
00:12:30,291 --> 00:12:31,918
was the finest film ever made?

460
00:12:31,959 --> 00:12:33,628
Absolutely.

461
00:12:33,670 --> 00:12:35,922
May I check your overcoat, sir?

462
00:12:40,176 --> 00:12:42,554
Speaking of literature,

463
00:12:40,176 --> 00:12:42,554
wouldn't you say

464
00:12:42,596 --> 00:12:44,097
the two finest books

465
00:12:42,596 --> 00:12:44,097
ever written

466
00:12:44,138 --> 00:12:45,848
...would happen

467
00:12:44,138 --> 00:12:45,848
to be "Crime and War"

468
00:12:45,890 --> 00:12:48,518
and "Peace and Punishment?"

469
00:12:48,560 --> 00:12:50,769
[laughs]

470
00:12:50,811 --> 00:12:52,146
What?

471
00:12:52,188 --> 00:12:54,608
I think you

472
00:12:52,188 --> 00:12:54,608
have transposed the titles

473
00:12:54,649 --> 00:12:59,070
of "War and Peace"

474
00:12:54,649 --> 00:12:59,070
and "Crime and Punishment."

475
00:12:59,112 --> 00:13:00,905
Inadvertently.

476
00:13:00,947 --> 00:13:02,156
No, you see,

477
00:13:00,947 --> 00:13:02,156
you missed the joke.

478
00:13:02,198 --> 00:13:03,782
I transposed them

479
00:13:02,198 --> 00:13:03,782
quite "vertently."

480
00:13:06,411 --> 00:13:09,748
- Jess, can I talk to you?

481
00:13:06,411 --> 00:13:09,748
- Excuse me, gents.

482
00:13:09,788 --> 00:13:11,124
What are you doing?

483
00:13:11,165 --> 00:13:13,543
I'm chewing the fat

484
00:13:11,165 --> 00:13:13,543
with your egghead buddies.

485
00:13:13,585 --> 00:13:16,212
And let me tell

486
00:13:13,585 --> 00:13:16,212
you something, they dig me.

487
00:13:16,254 --> 00:13:19,006
Has anybody seen

488
00:13:16,254 --> 00:13:19,006
the new Picasso exhibit

489
00:13:19,048 --> 00:13:21,092
at the Museum of Modern Art?

490
00:13:21,134 --> 00:13:23,886
Oh, I hardly doubt

491
00:13:21,134 --> 00:13:23,886
it's worth the journey.

492
00:13:23,928 --> 00:13:27,140
I find Picasso to be..

493
00:13:27,181 --> 00:13:29,934
...interesting,

494
00:13:27,181 --> 00:13:29,934
but terribly overrated.

495
00:13:31,060 --> 00:13:33,313
You can't be serious.

496
00:13:33,354 --> 00:13:36,274
Just consider

497
00:13:33,354 --> 00:13:36,274
Picasso's blue period.

498
00:13:36,316 --> 00:13:37,776
Yeah, well, that's exactly

499
00:13:36,316 --> 00:13:37,776
what I'm talking about.

500
00:13:37,816 --> 00:13:39,653
I just think he should

501
00:13:37,816 --> 00:13:39,653
have used more colors.

502
00:13:41,613 --> 00:13:44,991
Jesse, I'm curious, uh.

503
00:13:45,032 --> 00:13:46,993
Where did you go to college?

504
00:13:48,953 --> 00:13:51,498
Oh, yeah, I-I went

505
00:13:48,953 --> 00:13:51,498
to college back East.

506
00:13:51,539 --> 00:13:53,583
Way back East.

507
00:13:53,625 --> 00:13:56,169
They're out of business now.

508
00:13:56,210 --> 00:13:58,921
I can see why.

509
00:13:58,963 --> 00:14:00,715
What's that supposed to mean?

510
00:14:00,757 --> 00:14:02,634
Which word

511
00:14:00,757 --> 00:14:02,634
didn't you understand?

512
00:14:02,676 --> 00:14:04,051
I'll tell you which

513
00:14:02,676 --> 00:14:04,051
word I didn't understand.

514
00:14:04,093 --> 00:14:05,553
Excuse us, Eric.

515
00:14:06,845 --> 00:14:08,682
Jesse, you are making

516
00:14:06,845 --> 00:14:08,682
a fool of yourself.

517
00:14:08,723 --> 00:14:12,602
Oh, and he's a genius?

518
00:14:08,723 --> 00:14:12,602
You th...watch this.

519
00:14:12,644 --> 00:14:14,312
Yo, brain wave.

520
00:14:16,397 --> 00:14:20,318
What's the horsepower of

521
00:14:16,397 --> 00:14:20,318
a Harley-Davidson Ultra 1340 cc?

522
00:14:20,360 --> 00:14:22,487
Eighty-five.

523
00:14:22,529 --> 00:14:25,031
Lucky guess.

524
00:14:22,529 --> 00:14:25,031
Who wrote "Hound Dog"?

525
00:14:25,072 --> 00:14:26,700
Leiber and Stoller.

526
00:14:26,741 --> 00:14:29,410
- How tall is Sammy Davis, Jr.?

527
00:14:26,741 --> 00:14:29,410
- Five-three.

528
00:14:29,452 --> 00:14:32,205
- You wanna arm wrestle?

529
00:14:29,452 --> 00:14:32,205
- Excuse me?

530
00:14:32,246 --> 00:14:34,708
You wanna arm wrestle? You heard

531
00:14:32,246 --> 00:14:34,708
me. Right here and now.

532
00:14:34,749 --> 00:14:37,585
That seems a trifle absurd.

533
00:14:37,627 --> 00:14:39,713
Why? Are you a trifle chicken?

534
00:14:41,464 --> 00:14:43,758
Jesse Katsopolis,

535
00:14:41,464 --> 00:14:43,758
you are not arm wrestling

536
00:14:43,800 --> 00:14:44,801
at this party and that is final.

537
00:14:44,843 --> 00:14:46,177
- Yes, I am.

538
00:14:44,843 --> 00:14:46,177
- You're not.

539
00:14:46,219 --> 00:14:47,595
Haven't you embarrassed yourself

540
00:14:47,637 --> 00:14:49,681
enough for one evening?

541
00:14:51,265 --> 00:14:54,018
The only guy who's gonna be

542
00:14:51,265 --> 00:14:54,018
embarrassed is you, pal.

543
00:14:55,562 --> 00:14:57,647
I can see you're

544
00:14:55,562 --> 00:14:57,647
not going to let this go.

545
00:14:57,689 --> 00:14:59,023
No, I'm not, blondie.

546
00:14:59,065 --> 00:15:00,817
- Jesse.

547
00:14:59,065 --> 00:15:00,817
- Hold this.

548
00:15:02,402 --> 00:15:04,821
Yo!

549
00:15:04,863 --> 00:15:08,032
- What's going on?

550
00:15:04,863 --> 00:15:08,032
- Ah, oh, nothing.

551
00:15:08,074 --> 00:15:11,619
Just the traditional arm wrestle

552
00:15:08,074 --> 00:15:11,619
to kick off culture week.

553
00:15:11,661 --> 00:15:13,580
Maybe later we can all

554
00:15:11,661 --> 00:15:13,580
go down to the museum

555
00:15:13,621 --> 00:15:15,415
for the big tractor pull.

556
00:15:17,375 --> 00:15:18,376
Go!

557
00:15:18,418 --> 00:15:20,503
[fast-paced violin music]

558
00:15:27,385 --> 00:15:29,804
Get him, Jesse, get him.

559
00:15:29,846 --> 00:15:32,432
I mean,

560
00:15:29,846 --> 00:15:32,432
"How incredibly barbaric!"

561
00:15:32,473 --> 00:15:34,559
[music continues]

562
00:15:36,436 --> 00:15:37,729
Will you knock it off?

563
00:15:37,771 --> 00:15:39,230
[violin music stops]

564
00:15:39,272 --> 00:15:40,899
You're strong but

565
00:15:39,272 --> 00:15:40,899
you don't know much

566
00:15:40,940 --> 00:15:42,609
about the principle of leverage.

567
00:15:42,650 --> 00:15:45,737
You see, my arm

568
00:15:42,650 --> 00:15:45,737
acts as the lever

569
00:15:45,779 --> 00:15:49,198
my elbow, the fulcrum, Jackie.

570
00:15:49,240 --> 00:15:50,241
It's Jesse!

571
00:15:50,283 --> 00:15:51,200
Mm!

572
00:15:51,242 --> 00:15:52,786
- Yes!

573
00:15:51,242 --> 00:15:52,786
- Alright!

574
00:15:52,827 --> 00:15:54,871
[cheering]

575
00:15:54,913 --> 00:15:56,539
[crowd cheering]

576
00:15:56,581 --> 00:15:58,416
You see that? I beat him!

577
00:15:58,458 --> 00:15:59,751
Congratulations.

578
00:15:59,793 --> 00:16:02,002
You behaved like a total jerk.

579
00:16:02,044 --> 00:16:03,630
- Excuse me.

580
00:16:02,044 --> 00:16:03,630
- Oh, I'm a jerk, huh?

581
00:16:03,671 --> 00:16:05,256
- Oh, Jesse, please.

582
00:16:03,671 --> 00:16:05,256
- Why don't you just admit it?

583
00:16:05,298 --> 00:16:06,716
You think I'm stupid, don't you?

584
00:16:06,758 --> 00:16:08,509
That makes absolutely no sense.

585
00:16:08,551 --> 00:16:10,136
- Oh, so, now, I make no sense.

586
00:16:08,551 --> 00:16:10,136
- No.

587
00:16:10,177 --> 00:16:12,054
- Now you're being stupid.

588
00:16:10,177 --> 00:16:12,054
- Let me tell you something.

589
00:16:12,096 --> 00:16:13,180
You think you're

590
00:16:12,096 --> 00:16:13,180
so hot with your

591
00:16:13,222 --> 00:16:14,515
little stuffy friends

592
00:16:13,222 --> 00:16:14,515
around here.

593
00:16:14,557 --> 00:16:16,142
- These are nice people.

594
00:16:14,557 --> 00:16:16,142
- Okay, fine, fine.

595
00:16:16,183 --> 00:16:18,144
They're nice people, you stay

596
00:16:16,183 --> 00:16:18,144
here with your nice people.

597
00:16:18,185 --> 00:16:20,271
But let me tell you something,

598
00:16:18,185 --> 00:16:20,271
you stay and you talk about art

599
00:16:20,313 --> 00:16:22,022
you talk about culture,

600
00:16:20,313 --> 00:16:22,022
you talk about Shakespeare.

601
00:16:22,064 --> 00:16:24,066
Let me tell you something about

602
00:16:22,064 --> 00:16:24,066
your pal Shakespeare, okay?

603
00:16:24,108 --> 00:16:25,902
Anybody who makes men

604
00:16:24,108 --> 00:16:25,902
dress up like women

605
00:16:25,944 --> 00:16:27,403
that's where I draw the line!

606
00:16:30,573 --> 00:16:33,618
Okay, Michelle,

607
00:16:30,573 --> 00:16:33,618
let's try it again.

608
00:16:33,660 --> 00:16:38,289
Now, tell Stephanie

609
00:16:33,660 --> 00:16:38,289
she's a very sweet girl.

610
00:16:38,331 --> 00:16:39,582
You're a cheese-head.

611
00:16:39,624 --> 00:16:41,334
[laughs]

612
00:16:42,836 --> 00:16:45,212
You're not laughing.

613
00:16:45,254 --> 00:16:47,715
We shouldn't have taught

614
00:16:45,254 --> 00:16:47,715
you to say mean things.

615
00:16:47,757 --> 00:16:49,884
Because it can hurt

616
00:16:47,757 --> 00:16:49,884
other people's feelings.

617
00:16:51,260 --> 00:16:53,763
Tell you what,

618
00:16:51,260 --> 00:16:53,763
before we go to bed

619
00:16:53,805 --> 00:16:56,390
let's all say something

620
00:16:53,805 --> 00:16:56,390
really nice to each other.

621
00:16:56,432 --> 00:16:57,851
I'll go first.

622
00:16:57,892 --> 00:17:01,187
- I love you, Michelle.

623
00:16:57,892 --> 00:17:01,187
- I love you, D.J.

624
00:17:01,228 --> 00:17:02,647
I love you too, Michelle.

625
00:17:02,689 --> 00:17:04,858
I love you, Stephanie.

626
00:17:04,899 --> 00:17:07,193
Aw, that's

627
00:17:04,899 --> 00:17:07,193
my sweet little sister.

628
00:17:09,654 --> 00:17:12,156
I love you, table.

629
00:17:12,198 --> 00:17:15,618
- I love you, chair.

630
00:17:12,198 --> 00:17:15,618
- That's really good, Michelle.

631
00:17:15,660 --> 00:17:17,161
Now why don't you go

632
00:17:15,660 --> 00:17:17,161
into your room

633
00:17:17,203 --> 00:17:19,706
and tell all your furniture

634
00:17:17,203 --> 00:17:19,706
that you love it

635
00:17:19,747 --> 00:17:21,666
and we'll be right

636
00:17:19,747 --> 00:17:21,666
there to tuck you in.

637
00:17:21,708 --> 00:17:23,918
I love you, door.

638
00:17:24,836 --> 00:17:27,505
I love you, Uncle Jesse.

639
00:17:27,547 --> 00:17:28,673
Right back at you, kid.

640
00:17:31,258 --> 00:17:33,803
Uncle Jesse, are you sad?

641
00:17:33,845 --> 00:17:35,346
Yeah, I guess,

642
00:17:33,845 --> 00:17:35,346
I'm a little sad, kid.

643
00:17:40,018 --> 00:17:43,062
Mm. Thank you,

644
00:17:40,018 --> 00:17:43,062
Michelle. I needed that.

645
00:17:43,103 --> 00:17:45,815
[sighs]

646
00:17:43,103 --> 00:17:45,815
Listen, don't grow

647
00:17:43,103 --> 00:17:45,815
up and be stupid

648
00:17:45,857 --> 00:17:47,191
like your Uncle Jesse, okay?

649
00:17:47,233 --> 00:17:49,027
- Okay.

650
00:17:47,233 --> 00:17:49,027
- I want you to be smart.

651
00:17:49,068 --> 00:17:50,528
I want you to go to college.

652
00:17:50,570 --> 00:17:54,032
I want you to learn everything

653
00:17:50,570 --> 00:17:54,032
you can learn, alright?

654
00:17:54,073 --> 00:17:56,784
Now, let me hear those ABCs

655
00:17:54,073 --> 00:17:56,784
I taught you, okay? Ready? Go!

656
00:17:56,826 --> 00:17:59,286
♪ A B C D E F G ♪

657
00:17:59,328 --> 00:18:02,707
♪ H I J K N O N O P ♪

658
00:18:02,749 --> 00:18:05,459
♪ Q R S T U V ♪

659
00:18:05,501 --> 00:18:07,754
♪ W X Y and Z ♪

660
00:18:07,795 --> 00:18:10,297
♪ Next time won't

661
00:18:07,795 --> 00:18:10,297
you sing with me ♪♪

662
00:18:11,841 --> 00:18:14,427
Yeah, next time

663
00:18:11,841 --> 00:18:14,427
I'll sing with you.

664
00:18:14,468 --> 00:18:16,054
You're very smart, Michelle.

665
00:18:16,095 --> 00:18:18,180
You're smart too.

666
00:18:18,222 --> 00:18:19,933
Hey, if I was so smart,

667
00:18:18,222 --> 00:18:19,933
I wouldn't have blown it

668
00:18:19,974 --> 00:18:22,351
with Becky and I,

669
00:18:19,974 --> 00:18:22,351
you know what I mean?

670
00:18:22,393 --> 00:18:23,603
I know.

671
00:18:26,814 --> 00:18:29,275
[sighs]

672
00:18:26,814 --> 00:18:29,275
I should straighten

673
00:18:26,814 --> 00:18:29,275
this out with Becky.

674
00:18:29,316 --> 00:18:30,777
- Right?

675
00:18:29,316 --> 00:18:30,777
- Right.

676
00:18:30,818 --> 00:18:32,445
I should tell her exactly

677
00:18:30,818 --> 00:18:32,445
what's in my heart?

678
00:18:32,486 --> 00:18:33,988
- Right.

679
00:18:32,486 --> 00:18:33,988
- Right.

680
00:18:34,030 --> 00:18:37,033
I should, I should find

681
00:18:34,030 --> 00:18:37,033
a special way to do it, right?

682
00:18:37,075 --> 00:18:38,785
Right.

683
00:18:38,826 --> 00:18:40,160
Thanks for the talk, Michelle.

684
00:18:40,202 --> 00:18:41,245
I don't know

685
00:18:40,202 --> 00:18:41,245
what I would've done

686
00:18:41,287 --> 00:18:43,915
if you weren't home tonight.

687
00:18:43,957 --> 00:18:46,793
- I love you, sweetheart.

688
00:18:43,957 --> 00:18:46,793
- I love you, cheese-head.

689
00:18:49,921 --> 00:18:52,506
Did she just call me

690
00:18:49,921 --> 00:18:52,506
cheese-head?

691
00:18:54,592 --> 00:18:56,677
[crickets chirping]

692
00:19:01,724 --> 00:19:08,648
♪ Tell me how it feels ♪

693
00:19:08,689 --> 00:19:14,445
♪ To know love is real ♪

694
00:19:15,529 --> 00:19:21,786
♪ I still can't believe ♪

695
00:19:21,828 --> 00:19:24,246
♪ My love for you is so strong ♪

696
00:19:28,042 --> 00:19:31,545
♪ I belong to you ♪

697
00:19:31,587 --> 00:19:33,673
[guitar strumming]

698
00:19:38,136 --> 00:19:42,723
♪ I belong to you ♪

699
00:19:42,765 --> 00:19:45,184
♪ I belong to you ♪

700
00:19:48,146 --> 00:19:52,399
♪ For all time ♪

701
00:19:56,236 --> 00:19:59,824
♪ I belong to you ♪♪

702
00:20:02,493 --> 00:20:05,997
Oh, Jess, that was beautiful.

703
00:20:06,039 --> 00:20:08,582
I wrote it for you tonight.

704
00:20:08,624 --> 00:20:10,334
I loved it.

705
00:20:17,967 --> 00:20:19,426
Oh, Becky.

706
00:20:21,679 --> 00:20:23,181
Freeze, Romeo.

707
00:20:24,682 --> 00:20:27,727
- About tonight.

708
00:20:24,682 --> 00:20:27,727
- Was I that bad?

709
00:20:27,768 --> 00:20:31,189
Jesse, you were arm wrestling

710
00:20:27,768 --> 00:20:31,189
at the arts festival!

711
00:20:31,230 --> 00:20:32,857
I'm surprised you

712
00:20:31,230 --> 00:20:32,857
didn't yell "Food fight"

713
00:20:32,899 --> 00:20:34,483
and start flinging the pate.

714
00:20:36,777 --> 00:20:39,655
Well, I'm sorry

715
00:20:36,777 --> 00:20:39,655
I embarrassed you.

716
00:20:39,697 --> 00:20:41,323
It's just that there's

717
00:20:39,697 --> 00:20:41,323
this whole other side

718
00:20:41,365 --> 00:20:44,410
of your life that-that

719
00:20:41,365 --> 00:20:44,410
I'm not part of.

720
00:20:44,451 --> 00:20:47,538
Tonight I-I felt that

721
00:20:44,451 --> 00:20:47,538
I wasn't good enough for you.

722
00:20:48,873 --> 00:20:50,958
I can't compete

723
00:20:48,873 --> 00:20:50,958
with all those smart people.

724
00:20:52,251 --> 00:20:54,461
- It's not a competition.

725
00:20:52,251 --> 00:20:54,461
- Yes, it is.

726
00:20:54,503 --> 00:20:56,130
I'm afraid some guy

727
00:20:54,503 --> 00:20:56,130
who wrote a book

728
00:20:56,172 --> 00:20:57,631
or some guy who read a book

729
00:20:57,673 --> 00:20:59,592
is gonna come

730
00:20:57,673 --> 00:20:59,592
and sweep you off your feet.

731
00:21:03,721 --> 00:21:07,225
I don't know

732
00:21:03,721 --> 00:21:07,225
if I'm smart enough for you.

733
00:21:07,266 --> 00:21:09,643
How can you say that?

734
00:21:09,685 --> 00:21:11,187
Well, you know,

735
00:21:09,685 --> 00:21:11,187
I never went to college.

736
00:21:11,229 --> 00:21:12,855
So what?

737
00:21:12,897 --> 00:21:15,274
Jesse, just because you missed

738
00:21:12,897 --> 00:21:15,274
out on some formal education

739
00:21:15,315 --> 00:21:17,610
doesn't mean

740
00:21:15,315 --> 00:21:17,610
you're not intelligent.

741
00:21:17,651 --> 00:21:20,696
Look at everything

742
00:21:17,651 --> 00:21:20,696
you've accomplished on your own.

743
00:21:20,738 --> 00:21:24,075
You're a success in advertising.

744
00:21:24,117 --> 00:21:26,660
You wrote a beautiful love song

745
00:21:24,117 --> 00:21:26,660
for me in one night

746
00:21:26,702 --> 00:21:28,246
that touched my heart.

747
00:21:29,997 --> 00:21:31,457
And your smartest move yet was

748
00:21:31,498 --> 00:21:33,209
you picked me for

749
00:21:31,498 --> 00:21:33,209
your girlfriend.

750
00:21:33,251 --> 00:21:35,669
[laughs]

751
00:21:35,711 --> 00:21:38,756
You know, when I was

752
00:21:35,711 --> 00:21:38,756
cramming for this party, I..

753
00:21:38,798 --> 00:21:40,466
...I read a few of

754
00:21:38,798 --> 00:21:40,466
those books and they were

755
00:21:40,507 --> 00:21:43,427
pretty good, you know.

756
00:21:40,507 --> 00:21:43,427
Plato, a nice Greek kid.

757
00:21:45,972 --> 00:21:47,723
I think maybe

758
00:21:45,972 --> 00:21:47,723
I'll-I'll read some more

759
00:21:47,765 --> 00:21:51,227
and...maybe you and I

760
00:21:47,765 --> 00:21:51,227
can talk about it.

761
00:21:52,270 --> 00:21:54,939
Okay, that's great, Jess.

762
00:21:56,232 --> 00:21:58,985
Challenge yourself.

763
00:21:56,232 --> 00:21:58,985
Enrich your life.

764
00:22:00,820 --> 00:22:03,781
But do it for you, not for me.

765
00:22:05,407 --> 00:22:06,659
You never have to be anyone

766
00:22:06,700 --> 00:22:08,995
but the sweet,

767
00:22:06,700 --> 00:22:08,995
caring, sensitive

768
00:22:09,036 --> 00:22:11,455
lunatic I fell in love with.

769
00:22:12,539 --> 00:22:13,791
[Becky chuckles]

770
00:22:17,670 --> 00:22:19,630
I have no choice.

771
00:22:17,670 --> 00:22:19,630
You leave me no choice.

772
00:22:19,672 --> 00:22:21,132
Have mercy!

773
00:22:23,717 --> 00:22:25,803
[instrumental music]

774
00:22:30,390 --> 00:22:31,934
[theme music]