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[theme music]
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Okay, Michelle,
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I'll bet you a kiss
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that I can make
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this little flower dance.
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No way, Jose.
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[laughs]
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Oh, yeah? Well, watch this.
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[rock music]
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Cool flower.
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I don't think he's dancing.
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Hey, you, wake up.
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I think maybe
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that one's a wallflower.
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Dance. Go crazy.
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[chuckles]
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You got it, dude.
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[Joey chuckles]
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[theme music]
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♪ Aah aah aah ♪
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♪ Aah ♪
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♪ What ever happened
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to predictability? ♪
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♪ The milk man
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the paper boy evenin' TV ♪
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♪ Aah ♪
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♪ Everywhere you look ♪
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♪ Everywhere ♪
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♪ There's a heart ♪
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♪ There's a heart ♪
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♪ A hand to hold on to ♪
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♪ Everywhere you look ♪
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♪ Everywhere ♪
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♪ There's a face of somebody
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who needs you ♪
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♪ Everywhere you look ♪
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♪ When you're lost out there
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and you're all alone ♪
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♪ A light is waiting
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to carry you home ♪
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♪ Everywhere you look ♪
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♪ And everywhere you look ♪
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♪ Do-be-do-ba-ba-da ♪♪
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[instrumental music]
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Kimmy, no way. With Tommy Fox?
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On the cheek or on the lips?
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On the lips?
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No way.
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No way.
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A person is waiting
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for the phone.
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Tell me again.
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Where did he kiss her?
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On the lips.
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Don't you listen?
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Deej, lemme know
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when you're off, honey.
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- I need to use the phone.
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- Dad, no cutsies.
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I've been waiting 20 minutes.
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Get in line.
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Deej, let's go,
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I gotta use the phone.
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Hey, no cutsies.
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Get in line.
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They kissed for 12 seconds?
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Were their eyes
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open or closed?
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Hey, Danny,
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I gotta line up a place
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for our Friday night poker game.
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My poker buddy, Vic
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came down with food poisoning.
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You know, it's
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a good lesson for all of us.
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Never buy sushi
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from a vending machine.
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You know it's no problem.
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Why don't you play here?
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I'll take Vic's place.
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You wanna have a poker game
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here in your palace
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of cleanliness?
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Hey, Joey, I don't
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always have to be neat.
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Watch this.
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Danny, you pig.
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Their braces got stuck together?
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Ouch!
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D.J., I'm not
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getting any younger.
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Kimmy, hold on,
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let me switch phones.
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I know, Stephanie's
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a major pain.
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Dad, will you hang this up,
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uh, when I get to my room?
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Okay, but let's wrap this up.
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This is the major pain speaking.
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How rude!
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[laughs]
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Oh, honey, I had
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a wonderful afternoon.
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I loved our little picnic
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in the park.
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Ah, sweets, every day
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is a picnic with you.
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Oh, honey,
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you're so romantic.
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Hey, with you, how could
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I help but be romantic?
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- Aw
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- 'Ha ha.'
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Please, I'm getting a cavity.
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(Jesse)
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Excuse me for a sec.
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Joseph, get used to it, man.
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It's our new thing.
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We just had our one year
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anniversary of the day we met
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and we promised each other
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no more fighting.
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- Right, hon?
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- Right, baby.
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From now on, we're gonna
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work everything out
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with good communication
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and understanding.
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- Right.
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- For instance..
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...I suggested we make
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Christmas special
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by spending it in Nebraska
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with my relatives.
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To which I sweetly replied
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Babe, let's spend it in
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Graceland with Elvis' relatives.
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[Becky giggles]
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Oh!
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See? Now, in the old days,
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potential crisis.
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- Right.
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- But now..
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...solving this problem will
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only bring us closer together.
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Aw, honey.
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Whoa, baby!
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D.J., heavy lip action
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in your living room.
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Kimmy, are you talking
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to D.J. upstairs?
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Please, Mr. Tanner,
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this is a private conversation.
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We gotta remember to keep
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this front door locked.
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D.J., this is beyond incredible.
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Did you see this in person?
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No, but I saw the person,
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who saw it in person
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say it to another person.
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Girls, this has gotten
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way out of line.
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Dad, I'm talking
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to Kimmy on the phone.
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In the same room.
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Everybody hang up
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right now, okay?
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[sighs]
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Kimmy, I can't talk
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to you right now
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but I'll call you back later.
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D.J., there are five other
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people living in this house.
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You can't monopolize
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the phone like this.
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Dad, I have
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the perfect solution.
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I should have my own
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private phone number.
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I've had my own phone
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for six months, Mr. T.
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Don't call me Mr. T.
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D.J., a phone costs
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a lot of money.
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There's installation charges,
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00:05:40,257 --> 00:05:41,633
there's a monthly bill--
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Actually to convert
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the extension phone
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in this room to a separate line,
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there's only
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a one-time cost of $45.
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After that, a very reasonable
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monthly cost of $16.50.
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Not including
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state and local taxes.
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Go, Kimmy, go!
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Plus nominal fees for call
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forwarding and call waiting.
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I wish you had friend waiting.
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D.J., I'm not just giving
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you your own phone.
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Well, I'll pay for it.
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I can babysit like Kimmy does.
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Well, okay, if you
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can earn enough money
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00:06:08,910 --> 00:06:10,411
to pay for the phone yourself
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I'll consider letting
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you have one, okay?
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She can take my job on Friday,
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babysitting Brian Kagan.
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Great! Dad, what would
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00:06:16,293 --> 00:06:20,672
we do without Kimmy?
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One can only dream.
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Oh, Steph, D.J.'s
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babysitting tonight
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so you're in charge of
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putting Michelle to sleep.
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00:06:29,639 --> 00:06:33,185
Okay, Michelle. It's time to put
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on your pajamas and go to bed.
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I'm not sleepy. See?
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I have an idea.
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Let's go upstairs
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and play Sleeping Beauty.
224
00:06:42,527 --> 00:06:44,905
How do you play that?
225
00:06:44,946 --> 00:06:49,076
Well, uh, you go to sleep,
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and that's the beauty of it.
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I'm staying here.
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If you go to sleep,
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I'll give you a cookie.
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I already have one.
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I'm coming in after you.
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(Stephanie)
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'Michelle, get back here.'
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'I don't have time
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to play games.'
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That's it. You're going
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to bed, young lady.
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Bye-bye, Joey. Bye-bye.
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Alright, let's play poker!
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Whoa, Danny, pretty soon
241
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you're gonna be drinking
242
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straight out of the milk carton.
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Joey, I'm a slob,
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not a barbarian.
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Well, mine too,
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I gotta catch him.
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[laughter]
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Danny, these are my poker
249
00:07:44,172 --> 00:07:46,091
buddies. This is Steve and Paul.
250
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- Hey.
251
00:07:46,133 --> 00:07:47,134
- How you doing?
252
00:07:47,175 --> 00:07:48,302
Hey, huh-uh-ah.
253
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[laughs]
254
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My friends call me "Dirty Dan."
255
00:07:53,681 --> 00:07:56,226
Say, Dirt..
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00:07:56,268 --> 00:07:57,894
...where did you
257
00:07:56,268 --> 00:07:57,894
get those clothes from?
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From the hamper.
259
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- Yeah.
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- Ooh!
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00:08:02,023 --> 00:08:03,024
Hey.
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00:08:03,066 --> 00:08:06,987
Mm...good dip.
263
00:08:07,028 --> 00:08:10,115
Maybe later you'd like
264
00:08:07,028 --> 00:08:10,115
a handful of ice cream.
265
00:08:10,157 --> 00:08:12,826
Want a cigarette, speak up.
266
00:08:12,867 --> 00:08:14,702
These won't last long.
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00:08:14,744 --> 00:08:17,914
Ooh! Chain smoker. Radical.
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Alright, fellas,
269
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let's play a little Five-Card
270
00:08:20,000 --> 00:08:21,876
Nebraska, Becky's wild.
271
00:08:21,918 --> 00:08:23,586
Play what?
272
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I'm sorry, fellas. I'm having
273
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a problem with my girlfriend.
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She wants us to spend
275
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Christmas in Nebraska.
276
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So tell her you don't wanna go.
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00:08:30,344 --> 00:08:31,511
Oh, Jesse can't do that.
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You see,
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00:08:31,552 --> 00:08:33,721
he and Becky work things out
280
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with open and honest
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communication.
282
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You guys should see it.
283
00:08:38,393 --> 00:08:40,437
It really is cute.
284
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[laughter]
285
00:08:43,315 --> 00:08:45,359
You're in a lot
286
00:08:43,315 --> 00:08:45,359
of trouble, buddy.
287
00:08:45,400 --> 00:08:46,651
Why?
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00:08:46,693 --> 00:08:49,488
Tell her how you feel,
289
00:08:46,693 --> 00:08:49,488
openly and honestly?
290
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- Yeah.
291
00:08:49,529 --> 00:08:51,448
- Do you get your way?
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00:08:51,490 --> 00:08:53,908
- No.
293
00:08:51,490 --> 00:08:53,908
- Pack your long johns, pal.
294
00:08:53,950 --> 00:08:56,077
You're going to Nebraska.
295
00:08:56,119 --> 00:08:57,287
Not going to Nebraska, alright.
296
00:08:57,329 --> 00:08:58,913
I went to Nebraska
297
00:08:57,329 --> 00:08:58,913
for Thanksgiving.
298
00:08:58,955 --> 00:09:00,790
This time she's gonna
299
00:08:58,955 --> 00:09:00,790
do what I wanna do, alright?
300
00:09:00,832 --> 00:09:02,834
Hey, don't tell us, tell her.
301
00:09:02,876 --> 00:09:04,627
I'll tell her. I-I'll tell her.
302
00:09:04,669 --> 00:09:06,380
I'll just call her later.
303
00:09:06,421 --> 00:09:07,755
Call now.
304
00:09:07,797 --> 00:09:10,091
(all)
305
00:09:07,797 --> 00:09:10,091
Call now. Call now.
306
00:09:10,133 --> 00:09:12,844
(all)
307
00:09:10,133 --> 00:09:12,844
Call now!
308
00:09:10,133 --> 00:09:12,844
Call now! Call now!
309
00:09:12,886 --> 00:09:15,263
Call now!
310
00:09:12,886 --> 00:09:15,263
Call now! Call now!
311
00:09:15,305 --> 00:09:18,683
'Call now!
312
00:09:15,305 --> 00:09:18,683
Call now! Call now!'
313
00:09:18,725 --> 00:09:20,227
Whoa! Ho-ho-ho!
314
00:09:20,268 --> 00:09:22,103
Yeah, Becky. Listen, it's me.
315
00:09:22,145 --> 00:09:24,856
I've made a decision we're going
316
00:09:22,145 --> 00:09:24,856
to Graceland this Christmas.
317
00:09:24,898 --> 00:09:26,400
End of discussion. Case closed.
318
00:09:26,441 --> 00:09:28,151
- 'Yeah!'
319
00:09:26,441 --> 00:09:28,151
- Alright!
320
00:09:28,193 --> 00:09:30,737
And another thing. Call
321
00:09:28,193 --> 00:09:30,737
me when you get this message.
322
00:09:30,778 --> 00:09:32,572
Thanks.
323
00:09:32,613 --> 00:09:34,908
Alright, boys!
324
00:09:32,613 --> 00:09:34,908
Let's play a little poker!
325
00:09:36,410 --> 00:09:38,745
Now, D.J., we like Brian
326
00:09:36,410 --> 00:09:38,745
to go to bed by nine
327
00:09:38,786 --> 00:09:40,997
but sometimes
328
00:09:38,786 --> 00:09:40,997
his inner clock says ten
329
00:09:41,039 --> 00:09:43,624
so just go with
330
00:09:41,039 --> 00:09:43,624
his natural flow.
331
00:09:43,666 --> 00:09:45,668
So he goes to bed
332
00:09:43,666 --> 00:09:45,668
whenever he wants?
333
00:09:45,710 --> 00:09:47,504
That's the rule.
334
00:09:47,546 --> 00:09:51,466
Emergency numbers are posted
335
00:09:47,546 --> 00:09:51,466
on the Sub-Zero.
336
00:09:51,508 --> 00:09:53,218
If our stockbroker calls
337
00:09:53,260 --> 00:09:55,220
tell him he can fax
338
00:09:53,260 --> 00:09:55,220
the information
339
00:09:55,262 --> 00:09:57,055
directly to our BMW.
340
00:09:58,639 --> 00:10:00,767
Brian, come say hello to D.J.
341
00:10:03,019 --> 00:10:06,647
Hi, D.J. We're going
342
00:10:03,019 --> 00:10:06,647
to have a lot of fun tonight.
343
00:10:06,689 --> 00:10:08,358
That's what I'm here for.
344
00:10:08,400 --> 00:10:10,151
- Bye, Brian.
345
00:10:08,400 --> 00:10:10,151
- Night, Bri.
346
00:10:10,193 --> 00:10:12,195
Bye, have fun
347
00:10:10,193 --> 00:10:12,195
at your costume party.
348
00:10:12,237 --> 00:10:15,449
[chuckles]
349
00:10:12,237 --> 00:10:15,449
We're going
350
00:10:12,237 --> 00:10:15,449
to a Grateful Dead concert.
351
00:10:16,991 --> 00:10:18,493
Stay mellow.
352
00:10:20,454 --> 00:10:22,705
- Hi, Brian.
353
00:10:20,454 --> 00:10:22,705
- Hi, D.J.
354
00:10:22,747 --> 00:10:25,083
I hear it's
355
00:10:22,747 --> 00:10:25,083
your first time babysitting.
356
00:10:25,125 --> 00:10:28,086
No, that's not true.
357
00:10:25,125 --> 00:10:28,086
I babysit Michelle all the time.
358
00:10:28,128 --> 00:10:30,797
Well, this will be different.
359
00:10:32,048 --> 00:10:34,175
Brian, let's
360
00:10:32,048 --> 00:10:34,175
be friends, alright?
361
00:10:34,217 --> 00:10:36,136
Give me half the money
362
00:10:34,217 --> 00:10:36,136
you're making off me
363
00:10:36,177 --> 00:10:38,597
and maybe I'll be your friend.
364
00:10:38,638 --> 00:10:40,181
Not a prayer.
365
00:10:40,223 --> 00:10:42,809
I'm saving up for my own phone.
366
00:10:42,850 --> 00:10:46,980
So, uh, would you like
367
00:10:42,850 --> 00:10:46,980
to play a nice, quiet game
368
00:10:47,021 --> 00:10:49,649
or would you like
369
00:10:47,021 --> 00:10:49,649
to go straight to sleep?
370
00:10:49,690 --> 00:10:51,109
Hiya!
371
00:10:51,151 --> 00:10:53,612
I'm a Teenage Mutant
372
00:10:51,151 --> 00:10:53,612
Ninja Turtle.
373
00:10:53,653 --> 00:10:57,657
And you are the evil
374
00:10:53,653 --> 00:10:57,657
Lord Krang from Dimension X!
375
00:10:57,698 --> 00:11:00,827
Now, kneel before me
376
00:10:57,698 --> 00:11:00,827
or I'll ninjutsu you!
377
00:11:00,868 --> 00:11:02,703
Ha! Hu! Hiya!
378
00:11:02,745 --> 00:11:04,414
Ya! Hiyauh!
379
00:11:06,666 --> 00:11:10,128
- I'm not kneeling before you.
380
00:11:06,666 --> 00:11:10,128
- Wanna bet?
381
00:11:10,170 --> 00:11:14,508
Do what I say or I'll smash
382
00:11:10,170 --> 00:11:14,508
this and say you did it.
383
00:11:14,549 --> 00:11:17,260
- You wouldn't dare.
384
00:11:14,549 --> 00:11:17,260
- Oh, no?
385
00:11:20,221 --> 00:11:22,681
Lucky catch, Lord Krang.
386
00:11:22,723 --> 00:11:24,267
This means war!
387
00:11:24,309 --> 00:11:25,644
Hiya!
388
00:11:25,684 --> 00:11:27,103
Yow! Chow! Chow..
389
00:11:28,104 --> 00:11:29,439
[instrumental music]
390
00:11:35,654 --> 00:11:37,572
Give me my purse back.
391
00:11:37,614 --> 00:11:39,907
Come here, you little mutant.
392
00:11:39,949 --> 00:11:42,577
- Freeze!
393
00:11:39,949 --> 00:11:42,577
- Brian!
394
00:11:42,619 --> 00:11:46,623
Do what I say, or your purse
395
00:11:42,619 --> 00:11:46,623
goes into the fish-tank.
396
00:11:46,665 --> 00:11:51,294
Forget it, Brian.
397
00:11:46,665 --> 00:11:51,294
I am not shaving my head.
398
00:11:51,336 --> 00:11:52,379
[knock on door]
399
00:11:52,420 --> 00:11:53,463
Who's that?
400
00:11:53,505 --> 00:11:55,340
I hope it's the police.
401
00:11:57,716 --> 00:11:59,427
- Who is it?
402
00:11:57,716 --> 00:11:59,427
- 'It's me.'
403
00:12:01,762 --> 00:12:03,139
Hi, Deej. How's it going?
404
00:12:03,181 --> 00:12:06,226
Oh, no! Not Kimmy Gobbler!
405
00:12:07,477 --> 00:12:09,312
He's got my purse. What do I do?
406
00:12:09,354 --> 00:12:11,105
Watch this.
407
00:12:11,147 --> 00:12:13,692
Alright, chump. Drop the purse
408
00:12:11,147 --> 00:12:13,692
right now or I'm gonna kiss you.
409
00:12:13,732 --> 00:12:15,943
Yuck!
410
00:12:15,985 --> 00:12:18,530
It's not very flattering,
411
00:12:15,985 --> 00:12:18,530
but it works.
412
00:12:18,572 --> 00:12:21,700
You haven't seen the last of me.
413
00:12:21,740 --> 00:12:25,495
Kimmy, why didn't you tell me
414
00:12:21,740 --> 00:12:25,495
this kid was a baby Godzilla?
415
00:12:25,537 --> 00:12:27,872
Relax, come on,
416
00:12:25,537 --> 00:12:27,872
I'll show you where they hide
417
00:12:27,914 --> 00:12:29,457
the imported chocolates.
418
00:12:29,499 --> 00:12:32,252
Prepare to die, slime burgers!
419
00:12:32,293 --> 00:12:33,503
[water squirting]
420
00:12:35,505 --> 00:12:39,092
[sighs]
421
00:12:35,505 --> 00:12:39,092
Okay, that is it.
422
00:12:35,505 --> 00:12:39,092
I am through with playing games.
423
00:12:39,133 --> 00:12:40,759
You'll never catch me!
424
00:12:40,801 --> 00:12:42,596
Hey! Hey, I'm stuck.
425
00:12:42,637 --> 00:12:43,888
I can't get out.
426
00:12:43,930 --> 00:12:45,640
Help!
427
00:12:46,641 --> 00:12:48,767
Kimmy, he's really stuck.
428
00:12:48,809 --> 00:12:50,937
Great. Let's go watch TV.
429
00:12:50,978 --> 00:12:53,314
Brian, stay calm.
430
00:12:50,978 --> 00:12:53,314
Kimmy, keep an eye on him.
431
00:12:53,356 --> 00:12:54,608
I'll be right back.
432
00:12:56,651 --> 00:12:59,028
Hey, Brian
433
00:12:59,070 --> 00:13:00,614
wanna smell my feet?
434
00:13:00,655 --> 00:13:02,156
[screams]
435
00:13:05,452 --> 00:13:09,080
Kimmy, it won't help
436
00:13:05,452 --> 00:13:09,080
if he passes out.
437
00:13:09,122 --> 00:13:11,374
- Help me!
438
00:13:09,122 --> 00:13:11,374
- Good news, Brian.
439
00:13:11,416 --> 00:13:13,126
You'll be able to slide
440
00:13:11,416 --> 00:13:13,126
right out of there
441
00:13:13,167 --> 00:13:14,711
as soon as we butter your head.
442
00:13:18,256 --> 00:13:19,798
This will never work.
443
00:13:19,840 --> 00:13:22,469
You're dumb girls.
444
00:13:22,510 --> 00:13:24,887
I think we better
445
00:13:22,510 --> 00:13:24,887
butter his whole head.
446
00:13:30,268 --> 00:13:33,521
Yuck! This is disgusting!
447
00:13:35,440 --> 00:13:37,024
(D.J.)
448
00:13:35,440 --> 00:13:37,024
Okay, Brian.
449
00:13:37,066 --> 00:13:39,986
Now try to slide out
450
00:13:37,066 --> 00:13:39,986
nice and easy.
451
00:13:40,027 --> 00:13:41,655
But be careful.
452
00:13:42,781 --> 00:13:45,408
It's not working.
453
00:13:45,450 --> 00:13:47,577
Get me out of here!
454
00:13:47,619 --> 00:13:50,288
- I'd better go call my dad.
455
00:13:47,619 --> 00:13:50,288
- Don't do that.
456
00:13:50,330 --> 00:13:52,873
If you admit to your dad
457
00:13:50,330 --> 00:13:52,873
that you can't handle this job
458
00:13:52,915 --> 00:13:54,626
then you're never gonna
459
00:13:52,915 --> 00:13:54,626
get your own phone.
460
00:13:54,668 --> 00:13:57,587
[sighs]
461
00:13:54,668 --> 00:13:57,587
But I don't know
462
00:13:54,668 --> 00:13:57,587
what else to do.
463
00:13:57,629 --> 00:14:00,423
Brian, I'm gonna go get
464
00:13:57,629 --> 00:14:00,423
my dad's chainsaw.
465
00:14:00,465 --> 00:14:02,049
Help!
466
00:14:04,927 --> 00:14:07,013
My cigarette bothering you?
467
00:14:07,054 --> 00:14:09,557
Oh, no, it's a poker game.
468
00:14:07,054 --> 00:14:09,557
Your eyes are supposed to sting.
469
00:14:11,476 --> 00:14:13,603
It's my last cigarette
470
00:14:11,476 --> 00:14:13,603
of the evening.
471
00:14:13,645 --> 00:14:14,813
What a shame.
472
00:14:18,149 --> 00:14:19,776
Oh, here's
473
00:14:18,149 --> 00:14:19,776
a refreshing new smell.
474
00:14:21,528 --> 00:14:24,405
Hi, boys. What's happening?
475
00:14:24,447 --> 00:14:26,825
Hey, Michelle, how you doing?
476
00:14:26,866 --> 00:14:29,369
Dad, she won't listen to me.
477
00:14:29,410 --> 00:14:31,579
Watch. Michelle, go to bed.
478
00:14:34,165 --> 00:14:36,209
Hey, Michelle, it's time
479
00:14:34,165 --> 00:14:36,209
to go night-night.
480
00:14:36,250 --> 00:14:38,085
We're all going sleepy.
481
00:14:36,250 --> 00:14:38,085
Right fellas? Come on.
482
00:14:38,127 --> 00:14:40,505
That's right, Michelle, look.
483
00:14:42,841 --> 00:14:44,551
Fellas, sleepy.
484
00:14:47,387 --> 00:14:49,639
See? Everybody's sleeping.
485
00:14:49,681 --> 00:14:51,683
Where are their pajamas?
486
00:14:53,434 --> 00:14:55,562
Under their clothes.
487
00:14:53,434 --> 00:14:55,562
Come on, let's go.
488
00:14:55,603 --> 00:14:57,271
- Shh!
489
00:14:55,603 --> 00:14:57,271
- Shh!
490
00:15:01,526 --> 00:15:03,236
Alright, boys,
491
00:15:01,526 --> 00:15:03,236
coast is clear. Everybody up.
492
00:15:03,277 --> 00:15:04,696
Okay, come on, come on.
493
00:15:10,201 --> 00:15:12,620
Joey. Joey!
494
00:15:14,121 --> 00:15:17,083
Oh, I-I'm sorry.
495
00:15:14,121 --> 00:15:17,083
I dreamt I actually won a hand.
496
00:15:18,626 --> 00:15:19,627
[telephone ringing]
497
00:15:19,669 --> 00:15:21,045
I got it.
498
00:15:21,087 --> 00:15:23,882
[laughs]
499
00:15:21,087 --> 00:15:23,882
Alright, guys,
500
00:15:21,087 --> 00:15:23,882
a little Five-Card Draw.
501
00:15:23,923 --> 00:15:25,007
Ante up, here.
502
00:15:26,092 --> 00:15:28,219
Hey, who took my chips?
503
00:15:28,261 --> 00:15:30,764
Everybody took your chips.
504
00:15:30,805 --> 00:15:33,767
Yeah, D.J. Yeah,
505
00:15:30,805 --> 00:15:33,767
I'll be right there.
506
00:15:33,808 --> 00:15:35,101
Guys, I gotta go, my daughter's
507
00:15:35,142 --> 00:15:36,644
having some
508
00:15:35,142 --> 00:15:36,644
babysitting problems.
509
00:15:36,686 --> 00:15:39,230
Hey, could you pick me up
510
00:15:36,686 --> 00:15:39,230
a pouch of pipe tobacco?
511
00:15:44,360 --> 00:15:47,697
Jess, I've been a pretty regular
512
00:15:44,360 --> 00:15:47,697
guy tonight, wouldn't you say?
513
00:15:47,739 --> 00:15:49,657
Yes, actually,
514
00:15:47,739 --> 00:15:49,657
I'm quite proud of you.
515
00:15:49,699 --> 00:15:53,202
In that case, there's something
516
00:15:49,699 --> 00:15:53,202
I'd like to say before I go.
517
00:15:53,244 --> 00:15:55,996
You, sir, are a chimney.
518
00:15:56,038 --> 00:15:57,707
Not only are
519
00:15:56,038 --> 00:15:57,707
you ruining your own health
520
00:15:57,749 --> 00:16:00,668
you are ruining the health of
521
00:15:57,749 --> 00:16:00,668
innocent people all around you.
522
00:16:00,710 --> 00:16:02,295
And you, sir.
523
00:16:02,336 --> 00:16:05,172
You should take a drive through
524
00:16:02,336 --> 00:16:05,172
a car wash without your car.
525
00:16:06,925 --> 00:16:08,217
It was nice meeting you both.
526
00:16:15,809 --> 00:16:17,184
Hello, Jess.
527
00:16:19,729 --> 00:16:21,355
Hi, pumpkin.
528
00:16:22,982 --> 00:16:23,983
What are you doing here?
529
00:16:24,024 --> 00:16:26,152
I got your sweet little message.
530
00:16:26,193 --> 00:16:28,028
Oh, and you must
531
00:16:26,193 --> 00:16:28,028
be the macho idiots
532
00:16:28,070 --> 00:16:30,156
I heard cheering
533
00:16:28,070 --> 00:16:30,156
in the background.
534
00:16:31,449 --> 00:16:33,910
Gee, where did the time go?
535
00:16:35,411 --> 00:16:36,621
Thanks for the game.
536
00:16:39,039 --> 00:16:41,417
- Ah, have fun in Nebraska.
537
00:16:39,039 --> 00:16:41,417
- Get out.
538
00:16:43,711 --> 00:16:46,088
If anybody needs me,
539
00:16:43,711 --> 00:16:46,088
I'll be in the living room
540
00:16:46,130 --> 00:16:49,425
looking for change
541
00:16:46,130 --> 00:16:49,425
in the sofa, ha ha ha.
542
00:16:49,467 --> 00:16:51,135
Toodles.
543
00:16:54,221 --> 00:16:56,474
How dare you leave
544
00:16:54,221 --> 00:16:56,474
me a message like that?
545
00:16:56,516 --> 00:16:59,310
Whatever happened to
546
00:16:56,516 --> 00:16:59,310
communication and understanding?
547
00:16:59,352 --> 00:17:01,020
I've been trying
548
00:16:59,352 --> 00:17:01,020
to communicate to you
549
00:17:01,061 --> 00:17:02,313
that I wanna go
550
00:17:01,061 --> 00:17:02,313
to Graceland for Christmas
551
00:17:02,355 --> 00:17:04,607
but you're just not
552
00:17:02,355 --> 00:17:04,607
understanding.
553
00:17:04,649 --> 00:17:07,151
Well, I will never understand
554
00:17:04,649 --> 00:17:07,151
why you wanna spend our holiday
555
00:17:07,193 --> 00:17:08,528
standing in line
556
00:17:07,193 --> 00:17:08,528
to see a collection
557
00:17:08,569 --> 00:17:10,279
of oversized sequined jumpsuits.
558
00:17:10,321 --> 00:17:12,323
No, ho, ho, ho.
559
00:17:12,365 --> 00:17:14,116
Your beef's with
560
00:17:12,365 --> 00:17:14,116
me, not the King.
561
00:17:15,618 --> 00:17:17,829
Alright, we have
562
00:17:15,618 --> 00:17:17,829
to figure this out.
563
00:17:17,871 --> 00:17:20,122
Alright, we've got this whole
564
00:17:17,871 --> 00:17:20,122
poker motif set up here
565
00:17:20,164 --> 00:17:21,708
why don't we, uh, solve
566
00:17:20,164 --> 00:17:21,708
our little problem
567
00:17:21,749 --> 00:17:23,584
with a little game of poker.
568
00:17:23,626 --> 00:17:25,461
You, uh..
569
00:17:25,503 --> 00:17:27,213
...do know how to play,
570
00:17:25,503 --> 00:17:27,213
don't you?
571
00:17:27,254 --> 00:17:29,841
I think I remember.
572
00:17:29,883 --> 00:17:32,010
Okay, the name of the game
573
00:17:29,883 --> 00:17:32,010
is Five-Card Stud.
574
00:17:32,051 --> 00:17:35,095
Nothing wild, nothing cute.
575
00:17:32,051 --> 00:17:35,095
Just down and dirty poker.
576
00:17:35,137 --> 00:17:37,264
Whoa!
577
00:17:37,306 --> 00:17:38,474
Want a cigar?
578
00:17:40,434 --> 00:17:42,020
One down for you,
579
00:17:40,434 --> 00:17:42,020
one down for me.
580
00:17:42,061 --> 00:17:44,605
- Let's go. Seven.
581
00:17:42,061 --> 00:17:44,605
- Nine.
582
00:17:44,647 --> 00:17:46,733
- Queen, high.
583
00:17:44,647 --> 00:17:46,733
- Seven.
584
00:17:46,774 --> 00:17:47,817
Pair of sevens!
585
00:17:47,859 --> 00:17:49,736
Ha ha ha.
586
00:17:49,777 --> 00:17:53,447
Looks like it's gonna be
587
00:17:49,777 --> 00:17:53,447
a blue, blue, Christmas, baby.
588
00:17:53,489 --> 00:17:56,993
- Ah, Queen, no help.
589
00:17:53,489 --> 00:17:56,993
- Nine, still looking fine.
590
00:17:57,035 --> 00:17:59,453
Ha! Pair of sevens.
591
00:17:59,495 --> 00:18:02,206
- We are tied, baby.
592
00:17:59,495 --> 00:18:02,206
- Hoo!
593
00:18:02,248 --> 00:18:04,250
So it's all down to
594
00:18:02,248 --> 00:18:04,250
the last card now, isn't it?
595
00:18:04,291 --> 00:18:05,626
Mm-hm.
596
00:18:05,668 --> 00:18:07,420
- Ah.
597
00:18:05,668 --> 00:18:07,420
- Ha ha ha.
598
00:18:10,506 --> 00:18:12,633
Wait a minute.
599
00:18:10,506 --> 00:18:12,633
This is, this is silly.
600
00:18:12,675 --> 00:18:14,427
I mean, no matter
601
00:18:12,675 --> 00:18:14,427
what these cards say
602
00:18:14,468 --> 00:18:15,970
there's gonna be no winner.
603
00:18:16,012 --> 00:18:18,014
And I don't wanna take
604
00:18:16,012 --> 00:18:18,014
a grumpy person to Graceland.
605
00:18:18,056 --> 00:18:19,849
It's the happiest place
606
00:18:18,056 --> 00:18:19,849
on Earth.
607
00:18:21,141 --> 00:18:22,936
Yeah, and I don't
608
00:18:21,141 --> 00:18:22,936
want any bad attitude
609
00:18:22,977 --> 00:18:25,312
on that Christmas hayride.
610
00:18:25,354 --> 00:18:26,856
Alright, alright. We got
611
00:18:25,354 --> 00:18:26,856
a new thing going here.
612
00:18:26,898 --> 00:18:29,233
Let's make a little compromise.
613
00:18:29,275 --> 00:18:31,527
I'll go to Nebraska
614
00:18:29,275 --> 00:18:31,527
with you for Christmas
615
00:18:31,569 --> 00:18:32,612
if you go to Graceland
616
00:18:32,653 --> 00:18:33,947
for the Hunka, Hunka
617
00:18:32,653 --> 00:18:33,947
New Year's Eve
618
00:18:33,988 --> 00:18:35,615
Fried Chicken Festival with me.
619
00:18:38,826 --> 00:18:41,412
- Okay, it's a deal.
620
00:18:38,826 --> 00:18:41,412
- Alright.
621
00:18:41,454 --> 00:18:43,289
You must have had
622
00:18:41,454 --> 00:18:43,289
a pretty bad card, huh?
623
00:18:43,330 --> 00:18:44,916
- Yeah, a three.
624
00:18:43,330 --> 00:18:44,916
- Hooh!
625
00:18:44,958 --> 00:18:47,627
- Almost as bad as my two.
626
00:18:44,958 --> 00:18:47,627
- I would have won!
627
00:18:47,668 --> 00:18:49,087
[laughs]
628
00:18:49,128 --> 00:18:50,713
Mm.
629
00:18:52,757 --> 00:18:54,383
Brian, sticking your head
630
00:18:54,425 --> 00:18:57,177
through these railings was
631
00:18:54,425 --> 00:18:57,177
a very dangerous thing to do.
632
00:18:57,219 --> 00:18:59,680
I'm gonna have you out in
633
00:18:57,219 --> 00:18:59,680
a minute, okay. So, don't move.
634
00:18:59,722 --> 00:19:01,265
Where am I going?
635
00:19:02,976 --> 00:19:04,518
I'm sorry, Dad.
636
00:19:04,560 --> 00:19:06,228
I really blew it.
637
00:19:06,270 --> 00:19:08,564
I guess I'm not ready
638
00:19:06,270 --> 00:19:08,564
for babysitting
639
00:19:08,606 --> 00:19:11,275
or my own phone or anything.
640
00:19:13,027 --> 00:19:14,612
It just so happens
641
00:19:13,027 --> 00:19:14,612
I'm very proud of you.
642
00:19:14,654 --> 00:19:17,239
- You are?
643
00:19:14,654 --> 00:19:17,239
- You are?
644
00:19:17,281 --> 00:19:18,992
Yeah.
645
00:19:19,033 --> 00:19:23,663
D.J., sometimes when you've
646
00:19:19,033 --> 00:19:23,663
been in trouble before
647
00:19:23,704 --> 00:19:26,206
you've tried to handle
648
00:19:23,704 --> 00:19:26,206
the situation yourself
649
00:19:26,248 --> 00:19:28,668
and you ended up
650
00:19:26,248 --> 00:19:28,668
making things worse.
651
00:19:28,709 --> 00:19:30,962
But tonight,
652
00:19:28,709 --> 00:19:30,962
you showed good judgment
653
00:19:31,004 --> 00:19:33,339
and you asked
654
00:19:31,004 --> 00:19:33,339
for help right away.
655
00:19:33,380 --> 00:19:36,383
That's exactly what
656
00:19:33,380 --> 00:19:36,383
a good babysitter would do.
657
00:19:36,425 --> 00:19:37,635
Thanks, Dad.
658
00:19:39,929 --> 00:19:42,640
Yoo-hoo. Remember me?
659
00:19:43,683 --> 00:19:44,725
Sorry.
660
00:19:44,767 --> 00:19:48,354
♪ Truckin' down to New Orleans ♪
661
00:19:48,395 --> 00:19:51,649
♪ Too too too tarada ♪♪
662
00:19:51,691 --> 00:19:54,234
Guess you're wondering
663
00:19:51,691 --> 00:19:54,234
what's going on here, huh?
664
00:19:54,276 --> 00:19:56,821
Well, your son stuck his head
665
00:19:54,276 --> 00:19:56,821
into the railings here.
666
00:19:56,863 --> 00:19:58,031
But, hey, I'm gonna have him out
667
00:19:58,072 --> 00:19:59,699
in just a second,
668
00:19:58,072 --> 00:19:59,699
everything's fine.
669
00:19:59,740 --> 00:20:02,910
And you're probably curious
670
00:19:59,740 --> 00:20:02,910
about the butter.
671
00:20:02,952 --> 00:20:05,121
Well, you had to be there.
672
00:20:06,706 --> 00:20:08,875
Okay, there we go.
673
00:20:08,916 --> 00:20:10,668
I'm free.
674
00:20:10,710 --> 00:20:13,129
- Brian, you alright?
675
00:20:10,710 --> 00:20:13,129
- Yes, Dad.
676
00:20:13,171 --> 00:20:15,589
D.J.'s my favorite babysitter.
677
00:20:15,631 --> 00:20:17,050
We'll talk about this later.
678
00:20:17,091 --> 00:20:20,178
Now, go get some bread
679
00:20:17,091 --> 00:20:20,178
and wipe off your head.
680
00:20:25,850 --> 00:20:28,769
Sorry about
681
00:20:25,850 --> 00:20:28,769
all the trouble, D.J.
682
00:20:28,811 --> 00:20:30,521
But we'd like to have you back
683
00:20:30,563 --> 00:20:34,274
Saturday at 7:00
684
00:20:30,563 --> 00:20:34,274
if you're available.
685
00:20:34,316 --> 00:20:35,693
Well, I don't know.
686
00:20:35,735 --> 00:20:39,030
I-I need the money
687
00:20:35,735 --> 00:20:39,030
for my phone but..
688
00:20:39,072 --> 00:20:41,908
- We'll double your salary.
689
00:20:39,072 --> 00:20:41,908
- We'll double your salary.
690
00:20:41,949 --> 00:20:44,827
Great. See you Saturday,
691
00:20:41,949 --> 00:20:44,827
7:00 sharp.
692
00:20:44,869 --> 00:20:46,370
- Here you go.
693
00:20:44,869 --> 00:20:46,370
- Oh, thank you.
694
00:20:46,412 --> 00:20:47,914
[instrumental music]
695
00:20:49,874 --> 00:20:51,375
[telephone ringing]
696
00:20:51,417 --> 00:20:53,252
- Hello?
697
00:20:51,417 --> 00:20:53,252
- 'Hello.'
698
00:20:53,293 --> 00:20:55,088
Dad, where are you?
699
00:20:55,129 --> 00:20:57,006
I'm right here, Deej.
700
00:20:57,048 --> 00:21:00,009
How can you be calling
701
00:20:57,048 --> 00:21:00,009
me on the same line?
702
00:21:00,051 --> 00:21:04,304
Maybe because I just called you
703
00:21:00,051 --> 00:21:04,304
on your very own phone number.
704
00:21:04,346 --> 00:21:06,015
Ah! Oh, I got a phone!
705
00:21:06,057 --> 00:21:08,184
I got a phone!
706
00:21:06,057 --> 00:21:08,184
Oh, thank you, Dad.
707
00:21:08,226 --> 00:21:09,852
You're the greatest.
708
00:21:09,894 --> 00:21:11,229
What's my new number?
709
00:21:11,270 --> 00:21:13,231
555-8722.
710
00:21:14,107 --> 00:21:16,275
How do you know my number?
711
00:21:16,316 --> 00:21:17,985
Dad told me this morning.
712
00:21:18,027 --> 00:21:20,154
I kept it a secret all day.
713
00:21:20,196 --> 00:21:22,615
I'm exhausted.
714
00:21:22,656 --> 00:21:24,491
Now, remember, our deal,
715
00:21:22,656 --> 00:21:24,491
You can have the phone as long
716
00:21:24,533 --> 00:21:25,701
as you can pay for it.
717
00:21:25,743 --> 00:21:26,869
But I don't want
718
00:21:25,743 --> 00:21:26,869
this babysitting
719
00:21:26,911 --> 00:21:28,537
to take away
720
00:21:26,911 --> 00:21:28,537
from your school work.
721
00:21:28,579 --> 00:21:29,997
No problem.
722
00:21:30,039 --> 00:21:32,083
Ah, your own phone.
723
00:21:33,084 --> 00:21:35,294
My little girl is growin' up.
724
00:21:35,335 --> 00:21:37,296
You know one day
725
00:21:35,335 --> 00:21:37,296
that phone's gonna ring.
726
00:21:37,337 --> 00:21:39,298
It's gonna be a boy calling.
727
00:21:39,339 --> 00:21:42,718
With any luck, it will be
728
00:21:39,339 --> 00:21:42,718
a dentist boy or a doctor boy.
729
00:21:42,760 --> 00:21:45,096
Then one day,
730
00:21:42,760 --> 00:21:45,096
that boy's gonna come to me
731
00:21:45,138 --> 00:21:48,099
and he's gonna say,
732
00:21:45,138 --> 00:21:48,099
"Mr. Tanner, sir
733
00:21:48,141 --> 00:21:50,143
"you have the most beautiful,
734
00:21:48,141 --> 00:21:50,143
most wonderful daughter
735
00:21:50,184 --> 00:21:51,978
"in the whole world.
736
00:21:52,019 --> 00:21:54,688
You must be one heck of a dad."
737
00:21:54,730 --> 00:21:59,401
Dad, sometimes you're so corny,
738
00:21:54,730 --> 00:21:59,401
but you are one heck of a dad.
739
00:21:59,443 --> 00:22:00,444
[laughs]
740
00:22:00,486 --> 00:22:01,487
[phone ringing]
741
00:22:01,528 --> 00:22:03,072
My first phone call!
742
00:22:03,114 --> 00:22:05,199
But who has my number?
743
00:22:05,241 --> 00:22:07,326
Hello?
744
00:22:07,367 --> 00:22:09,369
- It's for you.
745
00:22:07,367 --> 00:22:09,369
- Thank you.
746
00:22:11,664 --> 00:22:14,125
I thought you kept
747
00:22:11,664 --> 00:22:14,125
my number a secret.
748
00:22:14,167 --> 00:22:16,210
I did. From you.
749
00:22:17,837 --> 00:22:20,214
Hello? Hi, Walter.
750
00:22:20,256 --> 00:22:23,926
Yeah, you can reach
751
00:22:20,256 --> 00:22:23,926
me here, day or night.
752
00:22:23,968 --> 00:22:25,219
So how did school go today?
753
00:22:25,261 --> 00:22:27,138
[theme music]
754
00:22:29,015 --> 00:22:30,850
♪ Aah aah aah ♪
755
00:22:30,891 --> 00:22:33,978
[theme music]