[theme music]
Okay, Michelle,
I'll bet you a kiss
that I can make
this little flower dance.
No way, Jose.
[laughs]
Oh, yeah? Well, watch this.
[rock music]
Cool flower.
I don't think he's dancing.
Hey, you, wake up.
I think maybe
that one's a wallflower.
Dance. Go crazy.
[chuckles]
You got it, dude.
[Joey chuckles]
[theme music]
♪ Aah aah aah ♪
♪ Aah ♪
♪ What ever happened
to predictability? ♪
♪ The milk man
the paper boy evenin' TV ♪
♪ Aah ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Everywhere ♪
♪ There's a heart ♪
♪ A hand to hold on to ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Everywhere ♪
♪ There's a face of somebody
who needs you ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ When you're lost out there
and you're all alone ♪
♪ A light is waiting
to carry you home ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ And everywhere you look ♪
♪ Do-be-do-ba-ba-da ♪♪
[instrumental music]
Kimmy, no way. With Tommy Fox?
On the cheek or on the lips?
On the lips?
No way.
A person is waiting
for the phone.
Tell me again.
Where did he kiss her?
On the lips.
Don't you listen?
Deej, lemme know
when you're off, honey.
- I need to use the phone.
- Dad, no cutsies.
I've been waiting 20 minutes.
Get in line.
Deej, let's go,
I gotta use the phone.
Hey, no cutsies.
Get in line.
They kissed for 12 seconds?
Were their eyes
open or closed?
Hey, Danny,
I gotta line up a place
for our Friday night poker game.
My poker buddy, Vic
came down with food poisoning.
You know, it's
a good lesson for all of us.
Never buy sushi
from a vending machine.
You know it's no problem.
Why don't you play here?
I'll take Vic's place.
You wanna have a poker game
here in your palace
of cleanliness?
Hey, Joey, I don't
always have to be neat.
Watch this.
Danny, you pig.
Their braces got stuck together?
Ouch!
D.J., I'm not
getting any younger.
Kimmy, hold on,
let me switch phones.
I know, Stephanie's
a major pain.
Dad, will you hang this up,
uh, when I get to my room?
Okay, but let's wrap this up.
This is the major pain speaking.
How rude!
[laughs]
Oh, honey, I had
a wonderful afternoon.
I loved our little picnic
in the park.
Ah, sweets, every day
is a picnic with you.
Oh, honey,
you're so romantic.
Hey, with you, how could
I help but be romantic?
- Aw
- 'Ha ha.'
Please, I'm getting a cavity.
(Jesse)
Excuse me for a sec.
Joseph, get used to it, man.
It's our new thing.
We just had our one year
anniversary of the day we met
and we promised each other
no more fighting.
- Right, hon?
- Right, baby.
From now on, we're gonna
work everything out
with good communication
and understanding.
- Right.
- For instance..
...I suggested we make
Christmas special
by spending it in Nebraska
with my relatives.
To which I sweetly replied
Babe, let's spend it in
Graceland with Elvis' relatives.
[Becky giggles]
Oh!
See? Now, in the old days,
potential crisis.
- Right.
- But now..
...solving this problem will
only bring us closer together.
Aw, honey.
Whoa, baby!
D.J., heavy lip action
in your living room.
Kimmy, are you talking
to D.J. upstairs?
Please, Mr. Tanner,
this is a private conversation.
We gotta remember to keep
this front door locked.
D.J., this is beyond incredible.
Did you see this in person?
No, but I saw the person,
who saw it in person
say it to another person.
Girls, this has gotten
way out of line.
Dad, I'm talking
to Kimmy on the phone.
In the same room.
Everybody hang up
right now, okay?
[sighs]
Kimmy, I can't talk
to you right now
but I'll call you back later.
D.J., there are five other
people living in this house.
You can't monopolize
the phone like this.
Dad, I have
the perfect solution.
I should have my own
private phone number.
I've had my own phone
for six months, Mr. T.
Don't call me Mr. T.
D.J., a phone costs
a lot of money.
There's installation charges,
there's a monthly bill--
Actually to convert
the extension phone
in this room to a separate line,
there's only
a one-time cost of $45.
After that, a very reasonable
monthly cost of $16.50.
Not including
state and local taxes.
Go, Kimmy, go!
Plus nominal fees for call
forwarding and call waiting.
I wish you had friend waiting.
D.J., I'm not just giving
you your own phone.
Well, I'll pay for it.
I can babysit like Kimmy does.
Well, okay, if you
can earn enough money
to pay for the phone yourself
I'll consider letting
you have one, okay?
She can take my job on Friday,
babysitting Brian Kagan.
Great! Dad, what would
we do without Kimmy?
One can only dream.
Oh, Steph, D.J.'s
babysitting tonight
so you're in charge of
putting Michelle to sleep.
Okay, Michelle. It's time to put
on your pajamas and go to bed.
I'm not sleepy. See?
I have an idea.
Let's go upstairs
and play Sleeping Beauty.
How do you play that?
Well, uh, you go to sleep,
and that's the beauty of it.
I'm staying here.
If you go to sleep,
I'll give you a cookie.
I already have one.
I'm coming in after you.
(Stephanie)
'Michelle, get back here.'
'I don't have time
to play games.'
That's it. You're going
to bed, young lady.
Bye-bye, Joey. Bye-bye.
Alright, let's play poker!
Whoa, Danny, pretty soon
you're gonna be drinking
straight out of the milk carton.
Joey, I'm a slob,
not a barbarian.
Well, mine too,
I gotta catch him.
[laughter]
Danny, these are my poker
buddies. This is Steve and Paul.
- Hey.
- How you doing?
Hey, huh-uh-ah.
[laughs]
My friends call me "Dirty Dan."
Say, Dirt..
...where did you
get those clothes from?
From the hamper.
- Yeah.
- Ooh!
Hey.
Mm...good dip.
Maybe later you'd like
a handful of ice cream.
Want a cigarette, speak up.
These won't last long.
Ooh! Chain smoker. Radical.
Alright, fellas,
let's play a little Five-Card
Nebraska, Becky's wild.
Play what?
I'm sorry, fellas. I'm having
a problem with my girlfriend.
She wants us to spend
Christmas in Nebraska.
So tell her you don't wanna go.
Oh, Jesse can't do that.
You see,
he and Becky work things out
with open and honest
communication.
You guys should see it.
It really is cute.
[laughter]
You're in a lot
of trouble, buddy.
Why?
Tell her how you feel,
openly and honestly?
- Yeah.
- Do you get your way?
- No.
- Pack your long johns, pal.
You're going to Nebraska.
Not going to Nebraska, alright.
I went to Nebraska
for Thanksgiving.
This time she's gonna
do what I wanna do, alright?
Hey, don't tell us, tell her.
I'll tell her. I-I'll tell her.
I'll just call her later.
Call now.
(all)
Call now. Call now.
(all)
Call now!
Call now! Call now!
Call now!
Call now! Call now!
'Call now!
Call now! Call now!'
Whoa! Ho-ho-ho!
Yeah, Becky. Listen, it's me.
I've made a decision we're going
to Graceland this Christmas.
End of discussion. Case closed.
- 'Yeah!'
- Alright!
And another thing. Call
me when you get this message.
Thanks.
Alright, boys!
Let's play a little poker!
Now, D.J., we like Brian
to go to bed by nine
but sometimes
his inner clock says ten
so just go with
his natural flow.
So he goes to bed
whenever he wants?
That's the rule.
Emergency numbers are posted
on the Sub-Zero.
If our stockbroker calls
tell him he can fax
the information
directly to our BMW.
Brian, come say hello to D.J.
Hi, D.J. We're going
to have a lot of fun tonight.
That's what I'm here for.
- Bye, Brian.
- Night, Bri.
Bye, have fun
at your costume party.
[chuckles]
We're going
to a Grateful Dead concert.
Stay mellow.
- Hi, Brian.
- Hi, D.J.
I hear it's
your first time babysitting.
No, that's not true.
I babysit Michelle all the time.
Well, this will be different.
Brian, let's
be friends, alright?
Give me half the money
you're making off me
and maybe I'll be your friend.
Not a prayer.
I'm saving up for my own phone.
So, uh, would you like
to play a nice, quiet game
or would you like
to go straight to sleep?
Hiya!
I'm a Teenage Mutant
Ninja Turtle.
And you are the evil
Lord Krang from Dimension X!
Now, kneel before me
or I'll ninjutsu you!
Ha! Hu! Hiya!
Ya! Hiyauh!
- I'm not kneeling before you.
- Wanna bet?
Do what I say or I'll smash
this and say you did it.
- You wouldn't dare.
- Oh, no?
Lucky catch, Lord Krang.
This means war!
Hiya!
Yow! Chow! Chow..
[instrumental music]
Give me my purse back.
Come here, you little mutant.
- Freeze!
- Brian!
Do what I say, or your purse
goes into the fish-tank.
Forget it, Brian.
I am not shaving my head.
[knock on door]
Who's that?
I hope it's the police.
- Who is it?
- 'It's me.'
Hi, Deej. How's it going?
Oh, no! Not Kimmy Gobbler!
He's got my purse. What do I do?
Watch this.
Alright, chump. Drop the purse
right now or I'm gonna kiss you.
Yuck!
It's not very flattering,
but it works.
You haven't seen the last of me.
Kimmy, why didn't you tell me
this kid was a baby Godzilla?
Relax, come on,
I'll show you where they hide
the imported chocolates.
Prepare to die, slime burgers!
[water squirting]
[sighs]
Okay, that is it.
I am through with playing games.
You'll never catch me!
Hey! Hey, I'm stuck.
I can't get out.
Help!
Kimmy, he's really stuck.
Great. Let's go watch TV.
Brian, stay calm.
Kimmy, keep an eye on him.
I'll be right back.
Hey, Brian
wanna smell my feet?
[screams]
Kimmy, it won't help
if he passes out.
- Help me!
- Good news, Brian.
You'll be able to slide
right out of there
as soon as we butter your head.
This will never work.
You're dumb girls.
I think we better
butter his whole head.
Yuck! This is disgusting!
(D.J.)
Okay, Brian.
Now try to slide out
nice and easy.
But be careful.
It's not working.
Get me out of here!
- I'd better go call my dad.
- Don't do that.
If you admit to your dad
that you can't handle this job
then you're never gonna
get your own phone.
[sighs]
But I don't know
what else to do.
Brian, I'm gonna go get
my dad's chainsaw.
Help!
My cigarette bothering you?
Oh, no, it's a poker game.
Your eyes are supposed to sting.
It's my last cigarette
of the evening.
What a shame.
Oh, here's
a refreshing new smell.
Hi, boys. What's happening?
Hey, Michelle, how you doing?
Dad, she won't listen to me.
Watch. Michelle, go to bed.
Hey, Michelle, it's time
to go night-night.
We're all going sleepy.
Right fellas? Come on.
That's right, Michelle, look.
Fellas, sleepy.
See? Everybody's sleeping.
Where are their pajamas?
Under their clothes.
Come on, let's go.
- Shh!
Alright, boys,
coast is clear. Everybody up.
Okay, come on, come on.
Joey. Joey!
Oh, I-I'm sorry.
I dreamt I actually won a hand.
[telephone ringing]
I got it.
[laughs]
Alright, guys,
a little Five-Card Draw.
Ante up, here.
Hey, who took my chips?
Everybody took your chips.
Yeah, D.J. Yeah,
I'll be right there.
Guys, I gotta go, my daughter's
having some
babysitting problems.
Hey, could you pick me up
a pouch of pipe tobacco?
Jess, I've been a pretty regular
guy tonight, wouldn't you say?
Yes, actually,
I'm quite proud of you.
In that case, there's something
I'd like to say before I go.
You, sir, are a chimney.
Not only are
you ruining your own health
you are ruining the health of
innocent people all around you.
And you, sir.
You should take a drive through
a car wash without your car.
It was nice meeting you both.
Hello, Jess.
Hi, pumpkin.
What are you doing here?
I got your sweet little message.
Oh, and you must
be the macho idiots
I heard cheering
in the background.
Gee, where did the time go?
Thanks for the game.
- Ah, have fun in Nebraska.
- Get out.
If anybody needs me,
I'll be in the living room
looking for change
in the sofa, ha ha ha.
Toodles.
How dare you leave
me a message like that?
Whatever happened to
communication and understanding?
I've been trying
to communicate to you
that I wanna go
to Graceland for Christmas
but you're just not
understanding.
Well, I will never understand
why you wanna spend our holiday
standing in line
to see a collection
of oversized sequined jumpsuits.
No, ho, ho, ho.
Your beef's with
me, not the King.
Alright, we have
to figure this out.
Alright, we've got this whole
poker motif set up here
why don't we, uh, solve
our little problem
with a little game of poker.
You, uh..
...do know how to play,
don't you?
I think I remember.
Okay, the name of the game
is Five-Card Stud.
Nothing wild, nothing cute.
Just down and dirty poker.
Whoa!
Want a cigar?
One down for you,
one down for me.
- Let's go. Seven.
- Nine.
- Queen, high.
- Seven.
Pair of sevens!
Ha ha ha.
Looks like it's gonna be
a blue, blue, Christmas, baby.
- Ah, Queen, no help.
- Nine, still looking fine.
Ha! Pair of sevens.
- We are tied, baby.
- Hoo!
So it's all down to
the last card now, isn't it?
Mm-hm.
- Ah.
- Ha ha ha.
Wait a minute.
This is, this is silly.
I mean, no matter
what these cards say
there's gonna be no winner.
And I don't wanna take
a grumpy person to Graceland.
It's the happiest place
on Earth.
Yeah, and I don't
want any bad attitude
on that Christmas hayride.
Alright, alright. We got
a new thing going here.
Let's make a little compromise.
I'll go to Nebraska
with you for Christmas
if you go to Graceland
for the Hunka, Hunka
New Year's Eve
Fried Chicken Festival with me.
- Okay, it's a deal.
- Alright.
You must have had
a pretty bad card, huh?
- Yeah, a three.
- Hooh!
- Almost as bad as my two.
- I would have won!
[laughs]
Mm.
Brian, sticking your head
through these railings was
a very dangerous thing to do.
I'm gonna have you out in
a minute, okay. So, don't move.
Where am I going?
I'm sorry, Dad.
I really blew it.
I guess I'm not ready
for babysitting
or my own phone or anything.
It just so happens
I'm very proud of you.
- You are?
Yeah.
D.J., sometimes when you've
been in trouble before
you've tried to handle
the situation yourself
and you ended up
making things worse.
But tonight,
you showed good judgment
and you asked
for help right away.
That's exactly what
a good babysitter would do.
Thanks, Dad.
Yoo-hoo. Remember me?
Sorry.
♪ Truckin' down to New Orleans ♪
♪ Too too too tarada ♪♪
Guess you're wondering
what's going on here, huh?
Well, your son stuck his head
into the railings here.
But, hey, I'm gonna have him out
in just a second,
everything's fine.
And you're probably curious
about the butter.
Well, you had to be there.
Okay, there we go.
I'm free.
- Brian, you alright?
- Yes, Dad.
D.J.'s my favorite babysitter.
We'll talk about this later.
Now, go get some bread
and wipe off your head.
Sorry about
all the trouble, D.J.
But we'd like to have you back
Saturday at 7:00
if you're available.
Well, I don't know.
I-I need the money
for my phone but..
- We'll double your salary.
Great. See you Saturday,
7:00 sharp.
- Here you go.
- Oh, thank you.
[instrumental music]
[telephone ringing]
- Hello?
- 'Hello.'
Dad, where are you?
I'm right here, Deej.
How can you be calling
me on the same line?
Maybe because I just called you
on your very own phone number.
Ah! Oh, I got a phone!
I got a phone!
Oh, thank you, Dad.
You're the greatest.
What's my new number?
555-8722.
How do you know my number?
Dad told me this morning.
I kept it a secret all day.
I'm exhausted.
Now, remember, our deal,
You can have the phone as long
as you can pay for it.
But I don't want
this babysitting
to take away
from your school work.
No problem.
Ah, your own phone.
My little girl is growin' up.
You know one day
that phone's gonna ring.
It's gonna be a boy calling.
With any luck, it will be
a dentist boy or a doctor boy.
Then one day,
that boy's gonna come to me
and he's gonna say,
"Mr. Tanner, sir
"you have the most beautiful,
most wonderful daughter
"in the whole world.
You must be one heck of a dad."
Dad, sometimes you're so corny,
but you are one heck of a dad.
[laughs]
[phone ringing]
My first phone call!
But who has my number?
Hello?
- It's for you.
- Thank you.
I thought you kept
my number a secret.
I did. From you.
Hello? Hi, Walter.
Yeah, you can reach
me here, day or night.
So how did school go today?
[theme music]
♪ Aah aah aah ♪
[theme music]