[theme music]
♪ Z my name is Zippy ♪
♪ And my husband's
name is Zorro ♪
♪ And we come from Zanzibar ♪
♪ Where we sell zippers ♪♪
[panting]
My turn.
Michelle, you don't
know how to jump rope.
Oh, yes, I do. Make the rope go.
A, my name is Michelle.
B, my name is Michelle.
Should we tell her
she's doing it wrong?
Nay, she wouldn't
believe us anyway.
D, my name is D.J.
Michelle, you got
that one right.
Alright. Good.
N-M-N-O-P
I'm Michelle.
[instrumental music]
[Jesse Frederick singing
"Everywhere You Look"]
♪ Ah ah ah ah ♪
♪ Ah ♪
♪ Whatever happened
to predictability ♪
♪ The milk man the paper boy ♪
♪ Evenin' TV ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ There's a heart ♪
♪ A hand to hold on to ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ There's a face ♪
♪ Of somebody who needs you ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ When you're lost out there ♪
♪ And your all alone ♪
♪ A light is waitin' ♪
♪ To carry you home ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ And everywhere you look ♪
♪ Chip-a-dee-ba-ba-dow ♪♪
[instrumental music]
Alright, Jojo,
we got our campaign.
Ocean Nice Sardines.
The snack fish o' the '90s.
Now, all we need is
a voice for our spokes fish
Eugene, the sardine.
Here, you're the voice man.
Do your thing.
I got it.
Eugene, the surfing sardine.
Whoa, like
surf's up, fish freaks.
Whoa, bummer, dude.
[sniffs]
What's that gnarly smell?
Whoa, it's me.
No, Joseph, you're not
thinking like a sardine.
Now, in order to sound like a
sardine, you must eat a sardine.
Alright? You are what you eat.
Now...snorkel down one
of these silver puppies.
You mean, put one
of these in my mouth?
Come on, Joey, it's food.
Yeah, if you're a seal.
- You eat it.
- Oh, I'm not eating that bait.
You're doing the voice..
It's very simple.
Open your mouth
and say, "Ahh!"
Now, let's hear
that sardine voice.
You're a dead man.
Whoo! Oh-oh.
No chance of Baskin-Robbins
making that a flavor.
I did a real fun voice on my
tape recorder this morning.
Hey, uh...where did my
little tape recorder go?
[giggling]
Oh, now, that's
a suspicious little giggle.
Michelle, do you know where
my little tape recorder is?
Yes, I do.
And where is my tape recorder?
The tape recorder is hiding.
It's not fun to hide
other people's things.
It is for me.
Little puppies aren't half bad.
Look, I found this tape
recorder in my cereal box.
This is a much better prize
than those little
plastic dinosaurs.
Thank you, I'll take that.
Oh, look what I found.
Oh, nuts!
Okay, I'm on Saturday
bathroom patrol.
Wait, I thought you had a date
with Joan, what's her name?
No, it's June, what's-her-name.
It's Jane what's-her-name.
And it doesn't matter,
because I broke off the date.
You broke off another
date with another girl?
What's the problem
with this one?
Yeah, dad, I thought
you really liked her.
I did. But.. I don't know.
There was just no future in it.
I took a look at her
and one of her earlobes
was a little bit bigger
than the other one.
Sometimes I wonder
if there's anybody out there
who's right for me.
Don't worry, Dad.
You're the greatest.
I'm sure you'll find
someone with even earlobes.
[chuckles]
Thanks, Deej.
Okay, who wants to help
clean the soap dishes?
- Hi!
- 'Hey, Steph.'
Karen's dance class was great!
[chuckles]
Thanks for giving
Steph a ride, Karen.
Oh, no problem.
It's on my way home.
Steph, what did you
learn from Karen today?
I learned that you still owe
her a check for my lessons.
Well, that's not
all she learned.
Oh, I'm sorry. I forgot.
It's okay.
I know where you live.
Steph, show your dad
what we're working on.
Okay. D.J.,
go put on some music.
Why do I have
to put on the music?
Because your name is D.J.
Okay, everybody, I just
learned this in class today.
- Alright.
- Let's see what you got, kid.
- You ready?
- Yep.
Hit it!
[pop music]
- Whoa!
- Yeah!
♪ Yay yay yay yay ♪
Yeah.
[indistinct singing]
[cheering]
Good job, Steph.
- Try it with me, Dad.
- Okay.
[music continues]
You know, sometimes
grace and coordination
skip a generation.
Like this, Daddy.
Now, this I can do.
I don't know that step.
How does it go?
It's.. Let's show her, Michelle.
More arms.
Steph, come with me.
But, but, excuse us.
This better be important.
It is.
Dad wants a girlfriend.
Karen's earlobes
are both the same size.
They're the perfect couple.
We just have to figure a way
to get them alone together.
How can they be alone
if they're together?
Just stop thinking
and help me think.
How can I think
if I stop thinking?
New plan.
[sighs]
I work alone.
Okay, but I got a great plan
to get Karen to stay for lunch.
Well, what is it?
We ask her.
[instrumental music]
Okay, now,
you all know what to do.
Karen, sit right here.
Thanks for inviting
me to lunch, D.J.
Sure.
Okay, I have everyone's sandwich
just the way they want them.
Turkey, all white meat.
Turkey and Swiss.
Swiss, no turkey.
Turkey, all dark
meat, extra tomato.
Turkey, extra turkey.
Turkey, half dark meat,
half white meat.
And...peanut butter and banana
hold the turkey.
[indistinct chatter]
This baby is mine.
Dad..
...we saved you
a seat right here.
Uh, just a second, I just
want to do a little pre-rinse
before the really
big wash after lunch.
Isn't he a gem?
He's so...gonna make
some woman a..
A very happy man.
Oh, and-and, and talk
about perfect sandwiches.
I mean, when he goes
down the poultry aisle
all the turkeys yell,
"Take me, take, take me."
That's why we
call him "Mr. Turkey."
[laughing]
Oh, this is so nice.
I can't remember
the last time we were
all together for
a Saturday lunch.
- Well, I gotta do my homework.
- Me too.
- Let's go.
- Enjoy, now.
- Come on, Michelle, let's go.
- I had to eat in my room.
You don't have to
eat in your room.
D.J. told me I do.
Have a nice lunch.
[instrumental music]
It looks to me like
we've been set up here.
I swear, I had
nothing to do with this.
I know that.
We're just friends.
That's right, we're buddies.
I mean, what did they
think would happen?
They'd light a candle
and they'd leave us alone..
...and then I'd just..
...look into your beautiful..
...deep blue-gray eyes..
...then our lips
would move closer..
...as if some magnetic force
stronger than both of us
was pulling us together.
Alright, Dad!
We just had a homework question.
We'll ask later.
(D.J.)
'Yes!'
[chuckles]
Karen, uh..
...I gotta tell
you a little secret.
Ever since Stephanie's
first dance class..
...I've kind of
had a crush on you.
Oh, well, I have to tell
you a little secret.
Your house isn't
really on my way home.
Really?
[chuckles]
Oh!
Well, in, in that case,
what do you say
we turn this into a real date?
I know this great
restaurant in Chinatown
that has the best dim sum.
Hm-mm, I'd love some dim sum.
- Then let's get some.
- Okay.
Oh, dim sum, here I come.
This is a joke.
Girls, get in here!
- What is it?
- What happened?
Well, I lost my keys.
I gotta meet my band and
I'm the one who could open up
the rehearsal hall.
Has anybody seen 'em?
- Not me.
What did I do?
Michelle, you've been
playing that hiding game
all day, haven't you,
young lady?
- Yes, I was.
- Alright.
I want you to show me
everything you hid, right now.
I'm not busy. Follow me.
Don't you have an
extra set of keys?
If I did, would I be at
the mercy of a three year old?
People, I'm waiting!
This is my room..
...and this is my pencil bed.
Alright, cut the guided tour
and show us the loot.
Okay, okay.
I hid this.
Michelle..
...that's my Milli Vanilli tape.
And you called me
a Milli Vanilli thief.
I demand an apology.
In your dreams.
I accept.
Hey, Michelle, while I'm young.
Here, Stephie.
Michelle, my sparkle pen.
You're old enough
to hear this now.
How rude!
Why does she always say that?
Michelle, I'm growing a beard
here. Come on, I'm late.
Where are my keys?
Now, here. Are you happy now?
Yeah, I'd be happy if I was
driving a Fisher-Price Harley.
Come on, now,
we're gonna retrace
every single step
you took today.
- You got it?
- You got it, dude.
Alright.
Now, where did you go
after you were downstairs?
To the potty.
This is gonna be a long day.
[laughs]
[instrumental music]
♪ Bom ba ba ♪
♪ Bom ba bom ba ♪
♪ Ba dang a dang dang ♪
♪ Ba dang a dong dang ♪
♪ Blue moon ♪
[laughing]
I can't believe we were
singing Doo-wop songs
on the ferry to salsa lead
and in front of those people
I can't believe we made $11.
I think they liked you
better than our singing.
I had a really good
time with you, Karen.
I hate to see this day end.
Me too.
Why don't you come in.
I wasn't expecting company,
but I can make some coffee.
Coffee's great.
[chuckles]
This was the perfect day
with the perfect woman.
I'll bet you even make
the perfect cup of co--
Ho-oo, ho-oo.
Call the police.
You've been robbed.
I haven't been robbed.
I've just been so
busy with dance classes
and everything else,
I haven't tidied up in a while.
Since when? The '60s?
Okay, so I'm a little
behind on my housekeeping.
No big deal.
This mess isn't
a problem, is it?
Messy room? A problem for me?
[chuckles]
No.
Great. I'll make some coffee.
[instrumental music]
Danny, are you
cleaning up my apartment?
No, I was just looking
for your coffee table.
Found it.
Forget about that mess.
How do you take your coffee?
Uh, clean.
Uh..
I mean, in a clean cup. Uh..
With the milk and
coffee, of course.
And some sweet and tidy, uh..
Clean and low, oh!
Just black would be fine.
You seem a little tense.
You wanna sing
"Blue Moon" again?
No. Don't worry about me.
I'm as loose as a goose.
[chuckling]
Come on.
[chuckles]
Alright.
Attaboy.
Attagirl.
[sighs]
Oh!
You know, it's amazing
how your life can
change in an instant.
One minute I was
eating a turkey sandwich
and...next thing you know,
I was kissing you.
Surprised me too.
- What are you doing?
- Nothing.
Danny, you were rolling
my socks while we were kissing.
Alright, it's true.
I was making out
and folding laundry.
Karen, listen to me.
I can open up a whole
new world for you.
A wondrous world of mops
and brooms and dust busters.
Dishes you can see yourself in
and tabletops that
smell like lemon trees
and toilet water as
blue as a Jamaican lagoon.
Danny, you're scaring me.
Well, Karen, your furniture's
under here somewhere.
Don't you wonder
what it looks like?
Isn't there a place
you can go for help?
Like Over Cleaners Anonymous.
Very funny.
Maybe we, uh, don't have as much
in common as we thought we did.
Maybe I should just go.
I'm sorry.
Me too.
Bye.
[instrumental music]
Please, just tell me where
you hid Uncle Jesse's keys
so we can get on with
the rest of our lives.
I did not hide the key.
I know what will make you talk.
It's time for
the tickle rockets.
[giggling]
Okay. Now, where are the keys?
I don't know.
Tickle me again.
Michelle, look what I have.
A Popsicle!
Take a lick.
You can have the rest
when you tell us
where the keys are.
I don't know.
This is crazy. I went through
every trash can in this house.
- Still no keys.
- She won't crack.
- Maybe she really didn't do it.
- Oh, sure.
The jails are full of people
who swear they didn't do it.
Come here, you.
Now, listen.
I know that you took my keys.
- I did not.
- You did too.
- I did not.
- You did too.
- I did not.
- You did too.
Hey, Jess, I got
you more sardines.
By the way, you left your
keys in the front door.
- What? I did not.
- Did too.
- Did not. Did not
- Did too. Did too
[gasps]
Michelle..
...you really
didn't take my keys.
I told you so.
Will you forgive me and
still be my best friend?
Well, why not?
[chuckles]
- Popsicle, please.
- Here you go.
- Hey, everybody.
- 'Hey, Dad.'
What's going on?
So..
...what happened with Karen?
- Uh, I had a very nice time.
- Alright.
- Great.
We're the love connection.
Girls, it's not what you think.
Karen and I have decided
we're just gonna be friends.
Oh, I'm sorry, Dad.
But don't worry.
Steph and I know
plenty of single women.
Come on, let's go
start making a list.
Okay. How about that
lady who cuts Dad's hair?
Steph, that's a man.
It is?
So, Danny, what excuse
did you use this time?
What do you mean?
I mean, you find something wrong
with every girl you go out with.
I don't know what
you're talking about.
Come on, Michelle. Let's finish
that Popsicle in the kitchen.
I'll see you, Jojo.
Oh, come on, Jess.
You gotta help me with Danny.
- I gotta go to my rehearsal.
- You're already six hours late.
What's a couple more minutes?
Alright, Danny, what happened?
We had a great time. We, uh,
went out for Chinese food.
Then we sang on the ferry and
then we went to her apartment.
Her apartment? Oh, yeah.
Well, it was then that
I found out that I had spent
the entire day kissing...a slob.
(together)
Oh! No!
Her place was a pigsty.
There were clothes everywhere.
I thought her hamper exploded.
Oh, why is it every
girl I go out with
has something wrong with her?
Maybe it's bad luck.
Maybe it's fate.
Maybe it's you.
How could it be me?
Danny, you're making yourself
nuts looking for
the perfect woman.
There's no such thing
as the perfect woman.
Yes, there is.
I was married to her.
Hey, Pam was my sister.
And I loved her very very much.
But come on, man.
She was always late.
She spent way too much
time in the bathroom.
When I was little,
she used to hold me down
and stick carrots up my nose.
Trust me, she wasn't perfect.
Danny, she seemed perfect
to you because you loved her.
And the bottom line here is that
you're afraid to get
close to somebody.
So, you look for something wrong
in every girls you go out with.
I do that?
Yes,
Mr. Her-Earlobes-Aren't-Perfect.
I mean, you gotta start looking
for what's right in people.
Otherwise you're gonna
miss out on somebody
who could make your
life a lot happier.
Think about it.
Okay.
I gotta go to my rehearsal.
- I'll see you guys.
- See you.
'See you.'
Where are my keys?
[keys clanking]
Right here. Give me a break.
I'll go get those keys.
Hey, Michelle, look. Big Bird.
Danny.
Hi, Karen.
Can I come in?
Sure.
I'm sorry.
I-I came in here before.
And I saw this mess and..
Am I in the right apartment?
Yes, Danny. Believe it or not,
I do know how to clean up.
Karen.
I didn't give you a fair chance.
I didn't give us a fair chance.
Well, it just seems
like you cared more
about my mess than me.
Well, the truth is..
...I really started to like you
and it scared me.
But from now on,
I'm gonna be a lot more flexible
and more willing to compromise.
Because...you are the best thing
that's come into my
life since Spray 'n Wash.
I'll take that as a compliment.
So, will you go
out with me again?
Of course, I will.
Oh, do you mind if I hug you?
Hug away.
I do this a lot.
You better get used to it.
Your place looks so nice.
Yeah, but I don't
know where anything is.
Oh, where did you
put all your stuff?
Right here.
[chuckles]
Don't worry.
I remember where everything goes
These magazines, yeah,
they were, like, right there.
[instrumental music]
♪ Ah ah ah ah ♪♪