[instrumental music]
Alright, babe, It's time
to put on your munchkin shoes.
Alright, gimme your left foot.
No, no, that's
your right foot.
Well, actually, maybe
this is a good time
to teach you left
from right, okay?
I'm not busy.
Watch and learn.
This is my left hand.
- Left?
- Wrong. That's right.
What's right?
Well, when-when I'm facing you,
my left is your right.
- I'm right?
- No, you're wrong.
- That's right.
- That's right?
No, this is..
Well, actually..
You see, my left is your right,
and-and your left is my right.
You're nuts.
She left.
- You're right.
- Hey.
[theme music]
♪ Ah ah ah ah ♪
♪ Ah ♪
♪ Whatever happened
to predictability ♪
♪ The milk man
the paper boy evening TV ♪
♪ Ah ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ There's a heart ♪
♪ A hand to hold on to ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ There's a face
of somebody who needs you ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ When you're lost out there
and you're all alone ♪
♪ A light is waiting
to carry you home ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Ah ah ah ah ♪
♪ Do be do ba ba da ♪♪
[grunting]
Hey, potato chips, come out.
I wanna eat you.
Michelle, are you eating
our goodies?
I'm trying.
Those are for the ride
to the amusement park.
Ah, nuts.
[car honking]
That's Kimmy's mom.
Dad, hurry up.
I need my sweater.
Okay. It's ready
and it is perfect.
It has been hand-washed,
pre-soaked and flat-dried
according to manufacturer
specifications.
Great.
I guess you won't be needing
this garment bag, huh?
Joey, where's the camera?
Right here. I went to the store.
I got you some extra batteries,
some extra film, lens tissue
and I attached
the handy travel strap.
On second thought, I don't wanna
lug all that stuff around.
I'll just buy some postcards.
Well, in that case,
how about just a picture
of a guy who just wasted
20 minutes?
[camera clicking]
I, uh, mapped out
the whole park for you.
Best foods, the best ride
and the best order
to minimize the wait
and maximize the fun.
That's okay, Uncle Jesse.
We don't need it.
Why?
Well, all we're gonna be
doing is riding
Screaming Thunder
over and over all day long.
Yeah, first you go up
about 10 miles, then
you turn upside down and fall
about a million miles an hour.
And the whole time
you're going..
[screaming]
That's okay, I had fun
making this anyway.
[car honking]
- Bye, I'll see you guys later.
- Bye.
Oh, wait a minute, girls.
Aren't you forgetting something?
(both)
Money.
What's a hug compared to the joy
of emptying one's wallet?
Alright, Michelle, here's
a little tip for you now.
Eat your corn dog, your taco
and your ice cream..
...after you go on
the throw-up rides.
You got it, dude.
- Bye, dad.
- I'll see you guys later.
Have a lot of fun.
Hey, honey. We're all set
for our picnic.
Yeah.
- You kids have a great time.
- Thank you, dad.
Alright, let's watch
some basketball.
Yes.
(Stephanie)
It's raining.
It's times like these
I wish I had a big sister.
Hi, Tanners.
Here's your paper.
Guess what, I mouthed off
to my mom and she grounded me.
- Why aren't you home?
- Because she grounded me here.
- No.
Yes, she said if
I stay home with her
she'll just
be punishing herself.
Jess, what do you say,
we move this picnic to my place?
What do I say? What do I have
to say? Have mercy.
I have a better idea. Let's
have the picnic in my room.
C'mon, dad, you're gonna take
me and Kimmy to the movies.
Let's play hide-and-seek.
Sure, I had nothing else
planned today. Sure.
- I really wanna go--
- I'll play hide-and-seek.
(D.J.)
'Dad, I think we're late.'
'Now, we totally
missed the show.'
(Danny)
'Oh, come on.'
Nice going, Mr. T.
Don't call me "Mr. T."
Kimmy, it is not my fault
the movie was sold out.
Well, dad, you have to admit
you did drive a little
on the slow side.
My grandmother goes
faster than you.
Without a car.
What a great picnic.
Oh, yeah, for you.
You ate all the caviar.
Who knew stinky little fish eggs
could be so delicious?
Glad you enjoyed it, Steph.
Danny, you owe me $200.
- I've gotta get going.
- 'See you later, Becky.'
Bye, Danny.
- Bye, honey.
- 'Bye, Becky.'
- Bye, Joey.
- Joey?
Joseph, what are you
doing in there?
I'm playing hide-and-seek
with Michelle.
I found you.
Thanks a lot, Jess.
Hey, guys, good news.
The new ice-skating rink
just opened today.
You guys can take us.
You don't have to wait
in parking lot though.
You can come in and watch us.
Let's go get our skates.
Wait for me.
I got little legs.
When did we agree
to take them ice-skating?
They don't even ask anymore.
They just assume that
their wish is our command.
And the worst part is,
I don't remember
getting one thank you
today, do you?
Well, let's see. "Give me,
get me, take me, make me
buy me, drive me, find me."
Nope, no thank you.
These girls are so
unappreciative.
I cook, I clean, I iron.
I'm starting to sound
like my mother.
I say, we give them a taste
of their own medicine.
Okay, boys, let's ride.
Girls, new plan.
Come over here.
We're gonna stay home
and we are gonna play
a new game called
we're the kids
and you're the adults.
- So, you get to be in charge.
- We're the adults?
You mean, we can do
whatever we want?
- Yep.
- Alright. Yes.
There's gotta be a catch.
There better be a catch.
Danny, lay a catch on them.
Yes, there is a catch.
The catch is
you girls have to assume all
the responsibilities
that come with being a parent.
Okay, let's catch the end
of that basketball game.
Not so fast.
Let's see if this works.
No watching TV until
your rooms are clean.
What?
Guess that means I can watch.
I'm ready to ouce-skate.
Forget it.
We're not going "ouce"-skating.
Make up your minds.
[thunder rumbling]
- Party time.
- You guys got the ice cream?
Let's watch
the "Top 10 Video Countdown."
Alright. I love being
grounded here.
I want my ouce-cream.
You want your ice cream.
That's what I said.
Don't you listen?
Okay, on your mark,
get set, pig out!
- Yeah.
- Alright.
Girls, lunch time.
No thanks.
We skipped right to dessert.
No, I mean lunch
for us kids, remember?
The people
you're responsible for.
The catch.
Come on. I cleaned my room
and everything.
Okay, we'll make lunch, but you
kids have to set the table.
I'm gonna get out of here
before they put me to work.
Don't touch my ice cream.
Alright, peanut butter
and jelly on wheat.
Ham and cheese on rye.
And egg salad on white,
no crust.
Now, if you guys will excuse us,
we might still catch
some of the top ten videos.
Hurry, you're missing
number five.
- We're coming.
- Let's go.
Hey, h-h-h-hold it.
This is grape jelly.
You guys know
I like strawberry jelly.
How could that have
slipped my mind?
One peanut butter and
strawberry jelly coming up.
- Bye.
- Oh, Steph, before you go.
- Uh, can I have some juice?
- Juice, of course.
Where was my head?
- Glass.
- That sounds like a great idea.
- Why don't you make that two?
- Okay.
- Anybody else want juice?
- No.
Make mine milk.
Okay!
Alright. Peanut butter
and strawberry jelly.
Alright, PBSJ.
Uh, Steph,
I wanted orange juice.
[grunting]
I'll take apple.
Apple for the big guy.
I will see you
in the living room.
Hey, h-h-h-hold it.
Still got some grape
on one of these corners.
Then don't eat that corner.
Yes, but once the sandwich
is closed it's hard to tell
which is
the grape-infested corner.
There, now you're safe.
Milli Vanilli is next.
Rock n' roll.
I'm coming.
Ah, girls, before we drink,
we need ice.
Ice? Ice it is.
Make mine cubes,
not crushed.
Make mine crushed,
not cubed.
Would anyone like them
carved as little animals?
Hey, this is
chunky peanut butter.
Yeah, so?
Well, I'm just not in
a chunky kinda mood.
Well, I'm not making you
another sandwich.
I'm not asking you to.
What I am asking is if
you can take these itsy-bitsy
ugly little chunks of peanuts
out of my sandwich.
That's it. Lunch is over.
Could you make this
half crushed, half cubed?
I've had it.
Go to your rooms.
- Right now. March.
- Great game, Danny.
Now, we're being punished.
And no talking.
- Come on.
- Go to your rooms, guys.
- Go, boys.
- Go.
Talk about your selfish,
spoiled brats.
All I have to say is..
...how rude.
Joey, we need to talk.
You guys snuck down here, man.
The girls grounded us. We're
all gonna get in big trouble.
It's a game, you idiot.
How did my plan backfire?
We took them totally
for granted
just like they did to us
and they never
even made the connection.
Well, if we don't put
a stop to this right now
we're gonna be
waiting on them, hand and foot
for the rest of our lives.
For the rest of our lives?
Oh, man,
I can see it now.
We're still livin'
in the house.
The girls are still
livin' in the house.
That dog Comet is still
living in the house.
This is not a pretty picture.
Stay, Comet.
Play dead.
You are just playing,
aren't you?
Alright, come on, Dusty..
...let's see if you still
got any suck left in you.
[shouting]
Alright, boy.
[mimicking Popeye's laughter]
Well, blow me down.
Where's me Olive Oyl?
Oh, you dirt-obsessed old fool,
you sucked up my chip.
I knew you were
gonna drop it.
Do I look like
I've dropped any chips?
They're all in there.
Millions of them.
Hey!
Hey, what are you guys
muttering about?
Every time I come around,
you're muttering.
You're muttering to him, he's
muttering.. You guys, go home.
Boy, it's a beautiful...day.
I remember when I ate
a burrito in 1994..
We're muttering?
You're muttering.
You think you're such
a hot young stud..
...you in your jungle jammies.
Well, at least
I still have my hair.
Oh!
Now I have your hair.
[mimicking Popeye's laughter]
Hold it. That's my date.
Put my hair, fast.
- Okay, hold on. Okay.
- Go. Go.
How's it look?
Oh, very life-like.
(Danny)
'Help me with the food, Joey.'
Oh, Jesse. My main squeeze.
I wouldn't squeeze me too hard.
I just ate.
Thanks for the warning.
Hey, Becky, look out for that
hippopotamus behind you.
Oh, sorry, you know, you really
ought to put some reflectors
on that thing.
[kissing]
Have..
- A nice bowl of Cream of Wheat?
- No.
It has nothing to do
with breakfast.
Have..
Mercy!
You old poop.
No, no, no.
It's, uh, it's "Have pity."
C'mon, babe, let's go down
to the Smash Club
and you can watch me
do my thing.
I'm so proud of you.
My honey is the world's oldest
Elvis impersonator.
[mimicking Elvis Presley]
Thank you very much,
pretty mama.
Watch me shake.
[laughing]
[mimicking Popeye's laughter]
Joey, did you leave me
some donuts?
Well, if I did,
it was purely by accident.
Hey. Hey, hey, hey.
Hey, don't look at my woman.
Where am I supposed to look?
Your woman is everywhere.
Come on. Let's take
the girls their breakfast.
Okay, but try not to eat it all
on the way up, Joey.
- You fat guy.
- Stop muttering.
Stop muttering.
Well, guess
I'll just have a seat.
Hmm, better make that two.
Hey, hey, hey,
hey, hey, hey.
Drop that toast.
Ah, get off my case.
I found it in my robe.
- You're a slob, Joey.
- You're a tall slob.
Okay, rise and shine.
Come on, get up, D.J.
Breakfast before noon?
How rude.
I'm so disgusted
with hearing "how rude."
Dad, I can't take it anymore.
I need my own room.
This town is full of rooms.
Go rent one,
the both of you.
Why would I leave?
Uncle Jesse does my cooking
Joey does my laundry,
and dad, you do my cleaning.
I love my life.
Your perkiness
is no longer cute.
Danny, I think
it's time for the, uh
"One day you'll appreciate
your sister" lecture.
Girls, one day you'll
appreciate your sister.
- Good lecture.
- Thank you.
Now, hug.
(all)
Aww!
(all)
Now move out.
Michelle! Michelle, hurry up
and get in here and get your
breakfast before it becomes
another chin for Joey.
Hi, people.
Ah, Michelle, just in
time for breakfast.
Oh, I'm not in
the mood for breakfast.
Do you have any "ouce" cream?
(all)
It's ice cream.
And I ate the last
gallon this morning.
Oh, nuts.
- Hi, Tanners.
- Kimmy Gibbler! Oh, my God.
- Whoa, baby.
Eat your hearts out, boys.
Too bad you weren't nicer
to me when I was a kid.
[hyperventilating]
Come on, girls.
We gotta get to the mall.
Adios, Tanners.
I'll get dad's credit cards.
I'll make a list of chores for
the guys to do while we're gone.
And don't forget,
we'll need a ride.
Whoever can make it downstairs
first will drive you.
You got it, dude.
She was so smart
when she was three.
What happened?
Well, did you hear
one thank you today?
- No.
How could you let your kids
get so out of control?
Well, you can't blame me.
I'm just the old fat guy
who lives in the basement.
Our lives are pathetic.
No, your hair is pathetic.
- Get that.
- Oh, no.
- Don't take my hair.
- Hey, Joey, catch the rug.
- Come on, now, boys.
- I'm in the clear, over here.
- No, Joey. Come on, Joey.
- Yeah, I got it. One more time.
- Joey, throw it, my boy.
- It's not funny.
- That's two points.
- Give me my hair!
- Get away from me. My arm.
- Oh, my bursitis. My hip.
- Give me my hair! Give me!
I hear you,
for crying out loud.
And we all lived
miserably ever after.
- That was so depressing.
- Yeah.
Can you imagine the girls
still livin' here?
No, not that. My hair.
Well, it doesn't have
to happen that way.
We can all learn something
from that little story.
Yeah, I'm gonna start being
really nice to Kimmy Gibbler.
Uncle Jesse, daddy, I thought
we sent you two to your rooms.
They snuck down
without permission.
Kiss-up!
I think it's time we had
a little talk with you boys.
Great, first we're
getting punished
and now we're getting
a lecture.
You deserve a lecture
after the way you behaved today.
We try and make you a nice
lunch, and what do we get?
Zippo. Not a thank you.
Not a "Thanks."
Not a "Hey pal, good going."
Not a "Way to go, chum."
Not a "Muchas gracias, amigo."
- Not a--
- Steph, they get it.
Well, girls,
let me ask you somethin'.
How does it feel not
to get a thank you?
Crummy.
Well, just imagine how much
crummier you would've felt
if you had to wash
our sweaters.
Rush out for our film.
Shared your caviar picnic.
Dropped everything
to take us to the movies.
Excuse us.
Did you happen to say
a thank you
for any of the things
they did for us today?
No. Did you?
No.
So this game was
to teach us a lesson.
And you know what?
We needed one.
I think we owe them
a couple of thousand thank yous.
We really blew it today.
You guys do so much
and you're so wonderful
and sometimes we just
expect you to be wonderful
and we forget to tell
you how much we appreciate
how wonderful you are.
What we're trying to say is..
...you guys
are really wonderful.
And I just wanna say,
"thank you." Thanks.
Hey, pal, good going.
Way to go, chum.
Muchas gracias, amigo.
Steph, just hug 'em.
Thank you.
[theme music]
♪ Ah ah ah ah ♪
♪ Do be do ba ba da ♪♪