[instrumental music]
Okay, now, stepping up to the
plate for her very first at bat.
Michelle-chelle-chelle,
the babe-babe-babe
Tanner-ner-ner.
Ah.
Thank you, very much.
She steps up to the plate...
and digs in.
'Swings.'
Whoa, it's a hit.
Run to first base.
Whoa,
she's headed for third.
And she's gonna be safe because
she's fielding her own hit.
She's headed for first,
she's headed for first.
'Whoa, she's turning
a triple into a single.'
'You don't see
that very often.'
Oh, she's headed for second.
She's stealing second.
Head home, Michelle.
Head home.
She's really headed for home.
I'm home.
This game is way too easy.
What are you doing, Baby Ruth?
Kiss and hug.
[theme music]
♪ Ah ah ah ah ♪
♪ Ah ♪
♪ Whatever happened
to predictability ♪
♪ The milkman
the paper boy ♪
♪ Evenin' TV ♪
♪ Ah ah ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ There's a heart ♪
♪ A hand to hold onto ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ There's a face
of somebody who needs you ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ When you're lost out there
and you're all alone ♪
♪ A light is waiting
to carry you home ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Ah ah ah ah ♪
♪ Shooby-do-ba-botta ♪♪
[instrumental music]
♪ Blame it on the rain ♪
♪ Yeah yeah ♪♪
♪ Rain rain go away ♪
♪ Come again another day ♪
♪ Yeah yeah ♪♪
Great news, people.
In case anyone wants
to play with me
I still have 20 minutes
before dance class.
Can't you see
that I'm doing our homework?
You know, there's a country
where they use
little annoying kids
for lunchmeat.
Then you'd better not go there,
because you're full of baloney.
Steph, why don't you go down
to the living room
and run around the couch
about a thousand times?
I'm getting the feeling
I'm not wanted here.
- Make it 2000 times.
- Now, I'm sure of it.
Listen to this.
Yeah, yeah.
Great news, people.
I have 18 minutes
till dance class.
Who wants to play?
You know,
we'd love to, sweetheart.
But we're trying to come up
with some interesting things
to talk about
on tomorrow's show.
Talk about my day.
So far, it's been fascinating.
It all started when I heard
the alarm clock and woke up.
You might wanna take notes.
And then, I opened my eyes
and right in the corner
were those little eye crispies.
Uh, Steph, uh..
Honey...just a second.
Sweetie, I know,
you tell great stories.
And I love the way
you put in every last detail.
Like the shoes
that people are wearing
or what the weather
was like or the color
of the paint on the wall.
What happens is,
even the simplest story
just goes on and on
and on and on.
Gee, I wonder
where she gets that from.
Uncle Jesse, wait till
you hear all about my day.
I know, you told me.
Eye crispies, gross.
Oh, I haven't told
Joey yet.
Ya, perfect. Joey loves
a good eye-crispy story.
Becky, what do you say we have a
nice, romantic evening tonight?
I'll come over
to your place
cook up a little
chicken a la Jesse.
I'm sorry, sweetie.
I can't make it.
I have a business dinner
with Beau McIntyre.
Beau Mc..?
Who's Beau McIntyre?
Now, Jesse, calm down.
There's no reason to be jealous.
He's a guest
on tomorrow's show.
By the way, Jess, you gotta
catch this guy. He's amazing.
He's only 30 years old,
he's an ex-quarter back
a neurosurgeon and
he was just voted
the Bay area's
most eligible bachelor.
You're not going.
Well, I guess
my work here is done.
I really have to get back
to the station.
Yeah, and I have to get ready
for my business dinner.
The one you have no reason
to be jealous of.
Jealous? Me? Come on.
Kid being jealous?
I don't think so.
I'm not jealous.
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I'm going to take a long ride
until this feeling
of not being jealous passes.
And I'm sitting in class,
and the teacher says
"Today's lunch
is macaroni surprise."
So, I raise my hand and say
"Excuse me, but when
you say it's macaroni
you ruined the surprise."
Steph, listen, I-I love
hearing your stories
but you haven't said a word
about my brand-new used car.
- Nice. Now, back to my day--
- Wait, hold it.
Steph, this is
a 1963 Rambler.
It's a classic.
It's in primo condition.
You know, people say
it's wrong to love a car
but, I don't care
what people say.
I love you, Rosie.
Oh, no.
- What's wrong, Joey?
- Nick.
Okay.
What's wrong, Nick?
No, there's a nick
in the paint, Steph.
Look, I'm gonna go down
to Sid and Jean's Auto Supplies
and get a little bottle
of touch-up paint.
Comet, you wanna
go for a walk?
[whistling]
Well, I guess, I'll take
that for a yes, huh?
- I'll watch Rosie for you.
- Thanks, Steph.
Okay, Comet, now,
let's not say hello
to every tree
in the neighborhood, okay?
Bye, Joey.
Hi, Rosie.
Better buckle up.
Vroom, vroom, vroom..
I need some driving music.
[engine starting]
Whoa. Stay. Stay.
Good car. Good car.
Ah, "P, R, N, D."
"R," must mean radio.
Whoa, Rosie, whoa.
[screaming]
I'm in the house,
and I'm still in the car.
Oh, my..
Oh, no.
Oh, my.
What did I do?
Please be a dream.
It's a nightmare.
Maybe no one will notice.
- Hello, Michelle.
- There's a car in the kitchen.
There is?
Oh, there is.
- Did you see how it got here?
- No.
Good.
I'm in the clear.
Until Joey gets home
and tells Dad
how he left me alone
with the car.
Then I'm dead meat.
You got it, dude.
♪ Straight up now tell me ♪
♪ Do you really
wanna love me forever ♪
♪ Oh oh oh ♪♪
Hey.
I said, hey.
What do you want, squirt?
Don't call me "Squirt."
May we help you, madam?
There's a car in the kitchen.
Yeah, and there's a bus
in the bathroom.
Good one, Deej,
ha ha ha.
Steph, why are you
packing a bag?
Well, uh..
...we're having a dress
rehearsal at dance class.
And I needed something
to rehearse dressing in.
[car honking]
Oh-oh. Gotta go.
That's my ride.
Bye, D.J.
I'll always remember you.
Goodbye, Michelle.
Best of luck
in everything you do.
See you, Gibbler.
Kids on the block..
-Whoa, baby.
- There's a car in the kitchen.
- I told you so.
Michelle, do you know
how Joey's car got in here?
Yes, I do.
- How?
- Through the window.
Girls, I'm home.
Listen, I--
Have mercy.
There's a..
- There's..
- There's a car in the kitchen.
Thank you.
How did a car get
in the kitchen?
- Through the window.
- Everybody okay?
- Yeah, we're all fine.
(Danny)
'Hello.'
But I don't think
dad is gonna be fine.
Well, alright. We have to break
this to him very gently, okay?
- 'Hey, where is everybody?'
- In your new garage.
We'll be right back.
Stall dad.
Alright, come on, Michelle.
Come with me.
It'll be a lot harder for him
to cry in front of you.
Hi, guys.
How's it going?
Oh, fine.
We've had a bang-up day.
There's a car in the kitchen.
[laughing]
Michelle, you're so silly.
She's not that silly.
Um, there's, uh,
actually something
I-I would like to show you
in the kitchen.
Okay, I'm ready.
Send him in.
Oh, this is great.
I love surprises.
Let's see,
it's not Father's day.
No.
Oh, I love this.
This must be one of those
bonus "I love dad" days.
I don't know.
Good face, dad.
Is everybody alright?
Where's Stephanie?
We're all fine.
Stephanie's at dance class.
Look at this house.
Look at this kitchen.
Look at this mess.
I just waxed the floor.
Where is my best friend, Joey?
Dad, let me get
one more picture of you.
This is a very serious matter.
That's okay,
you don't have to smile.
[knock on door]
- Who is it?
- Stephanie Judith Tanner.
Steph, what are
you doing here?
My carpool dropped me off.
I came to say goodbye.
Goodbye?
Stephanie, come in here.
- Where are you going?
- I'm moving to Mexico.
I'm going to start a new life
as a Mexican hat dancer.
Stephanie, you're not allowed
to cross the street
how can you cross the border?
I have no choice.
I'm a woman on the run.
Why?
Because..
...I can never go home again.
Steph, why can't
you go home?
I'm having a little problem.
Actually, it's more
like a super-giganto
dinosaur-size problem.
Steph, come over here.
Sit down and tell me
what happened.
It's too terrible.
I can't even say the words.
Stephanie, honey,
you can tell me anything.
Okay.
I dr..
You dropped something?
Did something break?
- What did you break?
- You name it, I broke it.
(Jesse)
'Hey, Becky, it's me.'
It's Uncle Jesse,
you gotta hide me.
- Oh, but, Stephanie..
- Just don't tell him I'm here.
Please, please, please.
- 'Becky.'
- Uh, coming.
I heard voices.
Who were you talking to?
Uh, nobody.
I'm a talk-show host
and I was practicing talking.
You look beautiful.
Way too beautiful
for a business dinner.
Oh, those are lovely roses.
Are they for me?
Maybe.
Well, yeah, I was gonna
come over and apologize
for acting jealous
about that McIntyre creep.
Well, look at this.
I'm doing it again.
I'm sorry.
Will you forgive me?
Of course,
I forgive you.
This was very sweet.
Well, thanks for coming by.
I'll call you later and tell you
all about my boring dinner. Bye.
Whose suitcase is that?
Well, it's-it's
not what you think.
Someone's in the closet, isn't
there? Who's in the closet?
- What closet?
- It's McIntyre, isn't..
McIntyre, come on out.
I got your business dinner
right here.
Jess...J-Jesse..
Just as I suspected.
Nobody's in here.
He he he.
Steph, what are
you doing here?
Just hanging around.
Come on down.
Let's go.
Steph has a super-giganto,
dinosaur-size problem, Jess.
Oh, she does, huh?
Then why don't you
sit down over here
and tell Uncle Jesse about it?
Okay.
I sort of drove
Joey's car..
..into the kitchen.
You're the one
who drove Joey's..
Steph, you can't even drive.
You're telling me.
No wonder you're
moving to Mexico.
Take it from a guy
who's been in trouble a lot.
Now, I know
you're feeling scared
and you feel like
you gotta run.
But, let me
tell you something.
The best way
to solve this problem
is to go home
and face the music.
Was dad really mad
when he saw the kitchen?
Well, you'll be able
to see for yourself
when D.J.'s pictures come
back from the one-hour photo.
Come on.
Let's go.
Hey, Dad, it's almost dinner.
Do you want me to set the car?
Sure, honey.
But use the good hubcaps.
[whistling]
You're in big trouble, mister.
Joey, are you okay?
You had us worried sick.
Danny, I'm fine.
In that case,
you're in big trouble, mister.
Hey, look, I know
I'm a little late.
But you're not gonna
believe what happened.
I had this little
nick in my car, right?
You don't say.
And I went to buy
some touch-up paint
and you'll never believe
who I ran into.
Speaking of running into things,
come with me into the kitchen.
Oh, are you upset because
I took the last ice cube
and didn't refill the tray?
Something like that.
Wait, Dad.
Let me get in there first.
Danny, look, I-I'll go to the
store, I'll buy some more ice.
Everything will be fine, okay?
Don't worry about it.
My car.
Rosie.
This is my punishment for
not filling the ice cube tray?
Are you saying
you didn't know about this?
If I did, don't you think
I would have bought
a bigger jar
of touch-up paint?
Danny, when I left,
Stephanie was watching my car.
What the heck happened?
Well, here's someone who knows
what the heck happened.
I was taking a make-believe
drive through the country..
...and I wanted
to play the radio.
So, I turned the key..
...and the next thing I knew,
I was in the kitchen.
I should've never left
those keys in the ignition.
It's not your fault, Joey.
I had no business
being in your new car.
- It was perfect.
- Well, almost.
The radio didn't work.
Now he tells me.
Go ahead, Dad.
Yell, scream, punish me.
Or if you want,
I'll just move to Mexico.
Right now, I want you just to
wait upstairs in your room
until I can figure out
what to do with you.
Come on, Steph.
Here, Deej,
take your sister upstairs.
Make sure she doesn't
skip the country.
My turn to drive the car.
You know the rules, Michelle.
Nobody gets to drive
till they're eight years old.
[sobbing]
Rosie.
Don't cry.
Be a big boy.
Come on, Steph.
You just made a mistake.
But everything's
gonna be alright.
D.J., I'd like to talk
to Stephanie alone, please.
Sure, Dad.
Hang in there, Steph.
Go easy on her, Dad.
She's just a kid.
Stephanie, I am very
disappointed in you.
How could you do this?
You could've been hurt.
You could've hurt
someone else.
What you did is the stupidest
thing you've ever done.
I know.
That's why I ran away.
And you know better
than that, too, don't you?
I know. Everything I do
is wrong. I hate myself.
Steph, come out
from under there.
I don't deserve fresh air.
How long do you intend
to stay under that blanket?
Till I get married.
You know, it could be
very difficult
to meet somebody
under there.
I'll just stay in my room
the rest of my life.
Well, I don't
know about that.
But I do know that
I'm gonna have to punish you.
Big time.
And I should
never get any allowance
or presents ever again.
And you should send me
away to carpenter school..
...so I can build you
a brand-new house
that you can live in
without me.
And you'd never have to
hug or kiss me again.
Steph, there is nothing
you could ever do
that would make me stop
hugging and kissing you.
Nothing?
Come here.
Look.
You have to know, that
no matter what you do wrong..
...and no matter
how angry I get.
I am always
gonna forgive you.
- Because I love you.
- How can you still love me?
I wrecked Joey's car
and I broke the house.
Steph, those are just things.
We can always buy a new car
or we could put up a new wall.
'But there's only one
Stephanie Judith Tanner.'
And you could
never be replaced.
Gee, I never
thought of that.
I think about it
every day.
I love you, dad.
[instrumental music]
[theme music]
♪ Ah ah ah ah ♪
♪ Shooby-do-ba-botta ♪♪