[guitar strumming]
Uncle Jesse, let's play a game.
You wanna play a game? Alright,
I'll play a game with you.
What game do you wanna play?
We'll play our laughing game?
I'm gonna win!
You're dreaming. Alright, you
remember how to play the game?
You try to make me laugh,
and I try to make you laugh
and whoever laughs first,
loses, okay? You ready?
On your marks,
get set...go!
[honking]
Hey! Ouch!
[groaning]
Okay, you win. You win!
[groaning]
[John Stamos singing
"Full House" theme song]
♪ Aah aah aah aah ♪
♪ Aah ♪
♪ Whatever happened
to predictability ♪
♪ The milkman the paper boy ♪
♪ Evenin' TV ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ There's a heart ♪
♪ A hand to hold on to ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ There's a face ♪
♪ Of somebody who needs you ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ When you're lost out there ♪
♪ And you're all alone ♪
♪ A light is waitin' ♪
♪ To carry you home ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Dooby doo baa ba dow ♪♪
[instrumental music]
♪ We are Chi Sigma Sigma
Chi Sigma squared ♪
♪ We are Chi Sigma Sigma ♪
♪ So girls be prepared ♪
♪ Oga chaka oga chaka
oga chaka ooh ♪♪
[laughing]
Oh, our ten year
fraternity reunion tonight.
You know how long
I've been waiting for this?
Ten years.
Can't take it anymore. Living in
this city is drivin' my crazy!
Oh, come on, Jess,
take it easy.
Joseph, I have just spent
the last hour stuck in traffic
sucking black smoke
from the back end of a bus!
Why didn't I go around,
you ask?
Because that's where
the guy with the jackhammer
was tearing the street apart.
But did the most obnoxious noise
in the world bother me? No!
it was a nice distraction
from the stray pit bull
chewing on my boot!
- Jess, are you okay?
- Yes, I'm fine.
Luckily, the pit bull was
distracted by some punk kid
who whizzed
by on a skateboard
spray-painting graffiti
on my helmet.
Well, it goes great with
the pink stripe on your jacket.
He put that there, too.
[sighs]
Guys, you know what I need?
I need a nice drive
through the wilderness.
Let the wind blow through
my hair...sun in my face.
I'll cruise through
the pine trees and the redwoods.
Cruise through the flowers.
I'd better cruise
by the pharmacy first
'cause...I'm allergic
to all those things.
I'm out of here!
Joey, have you seen
my Chi Sigma Sigma sweater?
I'd love to wear it
to the reunion tonight.
Don't you remember?
Our fraternity brothers
burned it
the night you let
the Lambda Tau Delta girls
steal our fraternity seal.
Hey, they jumped me
when I was trying to clean it.
Danny, they tickled you
to the ground.
Our whole fraternity
was disgraced.
I just hope you're prepared
to relive that shame tonight.
Oh, man! I wish there was some
way to get that seal back.
And there is.
The Greek houses are having
their ten year reunion.
We'll just steal the seal back
from the same girls
who stole it from us!
Don't you think
we're a little old
for some stupid
college prank?
No.
It's up to you, Danny.
Do you wanna be fraternity dud
or fraternity stud?
I'm gonna be the stud.
(man on TV)
'The fact that the Soviets
have been borrowing'
'to import consumer goods'
'trying to put something
in the shops to quell popular..'
[music from TV]
Kimmy, we have to watch
the news for our homework.
The news will be old tomorrow
but the top-10 video
countdown is good for a week.
But, Kimmy, our grades
will stay on our record forever.
New plan.
Why don't we bring
this TV upstairs?
Then we can watch
two TVs at once.
Kimmy, that is...not a bad idea.
Okay, lift on three.
One, two, three.
[grunting]
What are you doing?
We're taking this TV upstairs
so we can watch
the music videos
and the news
at the same time.
Pretty smart idea I had, huh?
If you're so smart,
why don't you just bring
the little TV downstairs?
Yeah, Kimmy. Why didn't you
bring the little TV downstairs?
Because...we needed
the exercise.
But now that we're pumped,
I'll go get the little TV.
[thud]
What? Why?
How? Who?
Whoa, baby!
Mr. Tanner,
I am really, really sorry.
It was all my idea.
It was your idea to throw
my television over the banister?
No, no, no! We have
a really good explanation.
See, we wanted to watch
the music videos
and do our homework
at the same time and..
You know, it sounded better
before I said it.
I am really, really,
really sorry.
I talked D.J. into it.
I appreciate
your honesty, Kimmy.
But, just because
you thought of a dumb idea
doesn't mean D.J.
had to go along with it.
You know, it seems every time
the two of you get together
there's some
kind of trouble.
Good point, pop.
Kimmy, I think
it's time for you to go home.
Okay, but I want you to know
that I am really
really, really, really
'really really sorry.'
D.J., for the next three weeks
you are not allowed to see
or talk to Kimmy Gibbler.
But, Dad,
she's my best friend!
You know, I don't even know
why you hang out with her.
You and Kimmy have nothing
in common
except, maybe your school work
and that's only because
she copies it.
Now, go on up to your room.
Well, I guess we told her!
[tapping]
How do you do that?
Well, you go, "Clap, clap,
one, two, three, clap, one..
Why don't I teach you
Patty Cake instead?
Okay. I hope it's fun.
D.J., shouldn't you be
getting dinner ready?
Oh, right now, Dad.
I'll teach you
Patty Cake later.
Pinky swear?
Pinky swear.
Danny, I have everything we need
to get our fraternity seal back.
Don't worry,
it's the perfect plan.
Oh, yeah? What is it?
You'll just have to trust me.
- Come on, Joey, tell me.
- Trust me.
Why won't you tell me?
Because I don't trust you.
- Bye, girls.
- Bye, Dad. Bye, Joey.
See you later.
[indistinct chatter]
Now, come on, we're just gonna
grab the seal and leave.
Can't we just leave?
No, come on.
Wait, we can't do this.
Thank goodness,
you've come to your senses.
No, you're lopsided.
That's it.
I'm out of here.
- Uh, hi!
- Hello.
I'm Mary Anne,
class of '80.
[in lady's voice]
Hi, I'm Sheila,
and I have no class.
[in lady's voice]
Oh, she's such a funster.
Hello, I'm April.
Forgive me, but I don't
remember either of you
and I'm pretty sure I would.
Oh, uh, well, we didn't belong
to the San Francisco chapter.
- We're from the Midwest.
- Oh, where?
- Missouri.
- Illinois.
That was a very big campus.
- Why, have a good time.
- Thank you. Bye.
- Oh, hi.
- Hi.
You look great!
How do they walk like that?
I don't know,
but I'm glad they do.
We can do that.
- Hi.
- Hi, excuse us.
- Hi.
Joey, there's the seal.
- 'I'll go check it out.'
- Okay.
- Need a hand?
- Excuse me?
I've had my eyes on you
from the moment you walked in.
You're not like
the other girls.
Thank you for noticing.
You know..
...a couple of tall timbers
like us
could start
quite a forest fire.
Here's my card.
Later. You, me, lambada.
How rude!
Excuse me.
Hello.
Joey, Joey.
That waiter just tried
to pick me up.
Don't settle for anything
less than a doctor.
Come on.
- Excuse us.
Hi.
Look, Danny,
there's women everywhere.
I'll create a diversion,
you break in, grab the seal.
Got it.
[clears throat]
Listen up, girls!
[whistles]
Girls, how do I say this? Um..
This party is rather, uh,
boring..
[indistinct chatter]
Now, in the Illinois chapter
we used to roast weenies
and burp Tupperware.
But our favorite
was the limbo.
[music from stereo]
Sounds like fun!
Okay, everybody ready?
Line up.
[instrumental music]
You take a turn too, Sheila.
- Oh!
- Come on, Sheila, baby.
How low can I go?
I'm a limbo bimbo.
This bimbo's a man!
Oh, oh, thank goodness!
I don't have to live this lie
another minute!
Grab the-grab the seal!
(female #1)
'Stop him.'
Lock the door.
- Joey!
- Danny, I'm open.
- Oh, got it.
- Good.
It's the geek!
Tickle him!
Oh, no!
Help, Joey!
Oh, no, stop it.
Stop, you're killing me.
[all giggling]
- Get 'em up.
- Let's get 'em up.
[gasping]
Hey, this isn't funny.
It's not supposed to be.
I'm a police officer.
And you're both under arrest
for attempted burglary.
[cheering]
You tease!
[instrumental music]
Joey, why are you
still wearing that wig?
Because, otherwise
I'd look silly.
Well, what do we have here?
A fashion violation?
Hey, this happens to be a copy
of a very expensive ensemble.
And this happens to be jail.
Shut up!
Well, it's too bad
you couldn't pay your bail.
Didn't your mother tell you guys
to always put emergency money
in your purse?
That's what you get for messing
with Lambda Tau Delta.
In you go, gentlemen.
Guess what?
It's happy hour.
Uh, excuse me, uh,
we're kind of new at this.
You wouldn't per chance
have a training cell, would you?
Move it!
Would you try to act tough?
You're sweating like a pig.
It's these wimpy women's
deodorants.
They just don't cut it!
So..
...what did you lugs
get busted for?
Scalping.
Tickets?
No.
Uh, excuse me,
you criminalities.
I think it's time
for my one phone call.
Sergeant, phone call!
You guys like Popeye?
[imitating Popeye]
Okay, Michelle, now, here's
how you play Patty Cake.
♪ Patty cake patty cake ♪
[telephone ringing]
Hold on.
Aw, nuts!
Hello?
Yes, I'll accept the charges.
Uh, sweetheart, um, I have
a little bit of a problem.
Joey and I, we pulled
kind of a silly prank tonight
and we're sort of, uh..
...in jail.
You're where?
Shh...I don't wanna
scare your sisters.
Now, listen carefully to me,
I want you to call grandma
or Becky give and them
the checkbook on my dresser
and have them come down to the
Powell Street police station
and bail us out immediately.
Okay, don't worry, Dad,
you can count on me.
- Danny?
- Thanks, honey.
Oh and D.J., hurry!
(Joey)
'Danny, are we out of here?'
- Danny? Danny?
- Bail is on the way.
Danny? I think
I know you.
Aren't you Danny Tanner?
That depends.
Does that make you happy or sad?
You're the host
of "Wake Up, San Francisco."
I love that show!
You have a big following
in prison.
Really?
Did you happen to catch
my segment
on Southwestern cooking
last week?
- Loved it!
- You know, it's interesting.
We don't like to make
simulated cooking stuff.
We really cook it on the stove.
Your dad's in the slammer?
Shh!
What did he do?
Dust bust a cop?
Look, I don't know what he did,
but I can't find Grandma
or Becky so I have
to go down myself
and bail him and Joey out.
Kimmy, you're not allowed
in this house for three weeks!
You're in big trouble, mister!
Um, it's okay.
I have to go out, so Kimmy's
gonna watch you.
Wouldn't we stand a better
chance taking care of ourselves?
Look, I just have
to run an errand.
[car honking]
Uh, that's my cab.
Don't worry, Steph,
everything will be fine.
What about my Patty Cake?
I'll teach you
your Patty Cake later.
Oh, nuts again!
- What's wrong?
- Never fear, Gibbler's here.
Oh, I feel much better now.
Will you teach me Patty Cake?
Sure, I'll teach you, squirt.
Thank you,
but don't call me "squirt."
♪ It's up to you ♪
♪ New York New York ♪♪
[applauding]
We're available
in three to five years.
Great, I'll have
my parole officer
call your parole officer.
- Yes!
Um, excuse me, I'm looking
for Danny Tanner.
Uh, blue dress.
Dad, Joey! What have they
done to you guys?
The sad part is
we did this to ourselves.
D.J., what are you doing here?
Well, grandma and Becky
weren't home.
So I had to come down myself.
But don't worry about
Stephanie and Michelle
because Kimmy's watching them.
Yeah, this night just keeps
getting better and better.
Tanner? Gladstone?
The sorority took a vote.
We decided
you've been humiliated enough.
We're dropping the charges.
Oh, thank you.
Danny, we're free!
Never ever hug me
when I'm in prison.
♪ Patty cake patty cake ♪
♪ Baker's man ♪
♪ Bake me a cake ♪
♪ As fast as we can ♪
♪ Roll it pat it ♪
♪ Mark it with a B ♪
♪ Put it in the oven
for you and me ♪♪
Good job.
We're back.
Daddy's a girl!
No, he's a woman.
An ugly woman.
I guess, you girls are wondering
why we're wearing these clothes.
Well, I can explain it all
in just four words..
...it's all Joey's fault!
So is everything okay here?
Kimmy taught me Patty Cake.
She's really
an excellent babysitter.
Well, I'm very happy and
incredibly shocked to hear that.
Now you girls should go to bed.
- Good night, Kimmy.
- Good night, Steph.
Come on, Michelle.
I just hugged Kimmy Gibbler.
Dad and Joey are in dresses.
What a day!
Kimmy, thank you
for all your help.
You did a good job tonight, so..
...I'm gonna take a week
off of your banishment.
Wow! Thanks, Mr. T.
I guess, a stretch in the big
house really mellows a guy out.
You guys haven't said a word
to each other
since I sprung you.
I am sick of Joey
and his dumb ideas!
Dad, now you said,
"it doesn't matter
"who thinks up
the dumb idea
if the other person
goes along with it."
Yeah, but I didn't wanna go
along with this.
But you did.
And do you know why you did?
- Because you made me.
- No.
Because you need
some fun in your life.
One day we're gonna look back
at this and laugh our heads off.
I doubt it.
Uh, dad, you might wanna
take a look in the mirror.
You know, if we, uh,
teased our hair
and kinda contoured our cheek
bones a little bit, we'd be--
We'd still be the ugliest women
in the world!
When you guys laugh like that
it sounds just like
me and Kimmy.
Well, I guess, in a way
Joey is sort of
my Kimmy Gibbler.
Thanks a lot, Danny.
No, no. I mean,
you make my life crazier.
Heck, Joey,
if it wasn't for you
I'd be wearing pants
right now.
So, uh, bosom buddies?
Nah, Joey, we're out of prison,
give me a hug.
Thank God,
I'm back in the city.
Jess, where have you been?
I've been lost in the woods
where there are no street signs
because there are no streets
because no one in their
right mind goes in the woods!
Man, what happened to you?
Mother Nature kicked my butt.
[sighs]
Whoa! what, did you run
into a pudding truck?
I'm glad you're having
fun with this.
No, it just so happens
I jumped into a swamp.
I saw in a "Yogi Bear" cartoon
that if a horde of angry bees
are chasing you
they won't follow you
into a swamp.
FYI, Yogi was wrong.
Jess, were you attacked
by a wild animal?
No, I got thrown off
my motorcycle.
It was spooked by a snake.
Or a snake-like twig.
Look, why don't you go,
get upstairs take a bath--
- Danny?
- Yeah?
Is that a pearl earring
you're wearing?
Is there anything you'd
Alike to talk to me about?
You don't wanna know.
I'm gonna go wash up.
I've had a strange day.
Although, yours might have
been a little stranger.
[instrumental music]
♪ Aah aah aah ♪♪
[instrumental music]
[music continues]