[instrumental music]
- Daddy, guess who?
- Uh, is it Big Bird?
No, silly.
Okay, then I give up.
Who is it?
Michelle Elizabeth Tanner.
Oh, Michelle,
you fooled me again.
What are you doing up
in the middle of the night?
The sun woke me up.
What sun? It's only..
7:30?
Michelle, I forgot
to go to sleep.
I-I was checking the schedule
for my big telethon.
And it's a good thing I did,
'cause in hour 17
I booked back-to-back
tap dancers.
That's tune-out city.
And then--
- Daddy?
- Yes, honey?
You talk too much.
It's very important
to be a good listener.
Maybe next time.
[John Stamos singing
"Everywhere You Look"]
♪ Whatever happened
to predictability ♪
♪ The milk man
the paper boy evening TV ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Everywhere you go ♪
♪ There's a heart ♪
♪ A hand to hold on to ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Everywhere you go ♪
♪ There's a face
of somebody who needs you ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ When you're lost out there
and you're all alone ♪
♪ A light is waiting
to carry you home ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Dooby do ba ba dow ♪♪
[instrumental music]
(male #1)
'I'm getting really tired.'
Places, everybody.
Two minutes for showtime.
Uh, Jess, aren't you supposed
to be going over your music?
Danny, relax. I got it.
You got us playing
"Feelings" once every hour.
Oh, great news,
that 4 a.m. "Feelings"
it's been switched
to "Tie A Yellow Ribbon."
That is great news.
Joey, what's in the donut boxes?
- Donuts.
- Great.
Donuts go on the donut table.
It's a good thing
I ran into you. Relax!
Becky, what are you
supposed to be doing?
- Waiting for the show to start.
- You're doing a great job.
Danny, relax!
Alright, phone volunteers.
Is everybody ready?
(together)
Relax!
[telephone ringing]
Alright, our first call.
"We Love Our Children Telethon
'90." May I take your pledge?
Oh, hi, Kimmy.
Dad, it's for you.
Mr. T., I brought my unicycle.
If you need me,
I'm ready to ride.
That's very sweet of you
to offer and gosh, darn, Kimmy
if this show wasn't supposed
to be entertaining
you'd be right in there.
Tanner? Oh, Tanner.
I gave you 24 hours
of airtime on my station
because I have total confidence
in you.
- Now, don't screw this up.
- Don't worry, Mr. Strowbridge.
Everything's under control.
Then how come you're not
wearing any shoes?
Oh, because, uh,
I wanted to impress you
with my brand-new
designer socks.
Wardrobe!
We're on the air in five
seconds, everybody. Here we go.
Four, three, two..
[upbeat music]
Welcome to the "We Love
Our Children Telethon '90."
And now your host for the show
the host
of "Wake Up, San Francisco"
Danny Tanner!
[applause]
Ha! Thank you,
Jesse and The Rippers.
And welcome to the first annual
"We Love Our Children Telethon."
Our goal is to raise one million
dollars in the next 24 hours
to buy new equipment for
the Children's Health Center.
Right now, our lines are open
and volunteers are standing by
to take your calls, here's
my little daughter, Michelle
to give you the number
you can call.
Hi, people. I got a new dress.
To make a pledge,
dial 555 H-E-L-P.
Hi, to all my friends at Frasier
Street Elementary School.
Hi, Laurie. Hi, Harry.
Hi, Brian. Hi, Walter. Hi--
Uh, Steph, honey,
it's only a 24-hour telethon.
Well, what do you say
we bring out our first act?
Say hello to one of the hottest
comics in San Francisco.
He's my close personal friend
and that's not just
showbiz chatter
because he lives in my garage.
Say hello to Joey Gladstone.
[upbeat music]
Hey, thank you.
Oh, come on now. Cut it out.
Quit it.
Come on, knock it off.
Hey, let's hear it for this
band, huh, ladies and gentlemen?
[cheering and applauding]
'Yes.'
My favorite guy in any band
is always the bass player
you know, because the bass
player's getting into his thing.
[imitating bass guitar]
Then he looks over and he sees
the rest of the guys in the band
and he smiles,
his eyes are like..
"Yeah, I like you guys."
[imitating bass guitar]
Then, of course, you go
to a heavy metal concert, right?
It's always great, you get
to hear the lead guitarist.
Right, he's always.
[imitating lead guitar]
Your friends are just going,
"Hey, just wait.
They're gonna sing, dude."
You know, ladies
and gentlemen, every time
you pick up that phone
and make a pledge
you do some magic for the kids.
And now, I'd like to do
some magic for you.
Ladies and gentlemen, my lovely
assistant, Rebecca Donaldson
and the Cabinet of Mystery.
[applause]
[instrumental music]
[music continues]
[crowd cheering and applauding]
The Cabinet of Mystery!
And now, ladies and gentlemen,
for the hard part.
- Putting her back together.
- Ooh.
[drumroll]
[laughing]
Get me out of here.
Well, while I go for help,
ladies and gentlemen
why don't we bring out
the next act?
I am the next act.
I'm singing a duet with Danny.
Well, in that case, the song
stylings of Danny Tanner
and the Rebecca Donaldson trio.
Joey. Joey!
[instrumental music]
- Becky?
- In here.
♪ Kiss today goodbye ♪
♪ Maybe we should do
this later ♪
♪ No we do what we have to do ♪
♪ And I can't regret ♪
♪ Oh you're gonna regret this ♪
♪ What I did for love ♪
♪ Gone ♪
♪ Love is never gone ♪
♪ As we travel on ♪
♪ Love's what we'll remember ♪
♪ Kiss today goodbye ♪
♪ Kiss my career goodbye ♪
♪ Point me toward tomorrow ♪
♪ Point me toward the exit ♪
♪ Wish me luck ♪
♪ Same to you ♪
♪ Yeah the same to you fella ♪
♪ Oh can't forget won't regret ♪
♪ What I did for love ♪
♪ What I did for ♪
♪ Love ♪♪
(Danny)
'Thank you.'
[upbeat music]
[cheering]
(all)
Whoo!
- Thank you, cheerleaders.
- Whoo!
Boy, I miss football season.
Okay, Becky, why don't we
check that tote board?
Becky?
Oh, uh, Beck went home
to get some sleep.
Oh, right, I forgot.
She went home to get some sleep.
Sleep.
Hey, I'm back, and we've only
got a little while left
four hours, in fact
to hit that sack.
I mean, hit
the million-dollar mark.
- Hi, dad.
- Oh, look.
It's my wonderful family
back to answer the phones.
- Hi, wonderful family.
- Hi, daddy.
Hi, Michelle.
I got an idea.
Why don't you wait there,
and why don't we sit down
in this chair and rest a while?
Oh, it's a nice, soft,
cozy chair. Come here, honey.
Oh, boy. Oh, you're heavy. Ah!
So, sweetheart,
what did you do last night?
- I went to sleep.
- You went to sleep?
Ah, aren't you lucky?
You were in your bed
and you were comfortable
under the covers
and then, you closed your eyes.
Daddy. Daddy.
Earth to Danny.
Shh, daddy is sleeping.
Well, your daddy has to put
a show on for the people.
I'll do it.
[snoring]
♪ Incy wincy spider
went up the water spout ♪
♪ Down came the rain
and washed the spider out ♪
♪ Down came the sun
and dried all the rain ♪
♪ And then incy wincy spider
went up the water spout ♪
(Jesse)
'Oh, yeah! Too much.'
Why is a-a three year old
hosting my telethon?
Well, because
her-her daddy is sleeping.
♪ Incy wincy spider
went up the water spout ♪♪
♪ Itsy ♪
♪ Itsy bitsy ♪
♪ Spider oh yeah ♪
♪ Oh yeah ♪♪
[audience cheering]
Whoo! Ain't nothing to it.
A baby can do it.
Alright. Thank you very much.
Joey, what's up next?
Well, not Danny.
Well, it seems like we,
uh, we have a little gap
in the entertainment,
if you will here at the
"We Love Our Children
Telethon '90."
And, uh, not that
we're in trouble or anything
but I know there are a lot
of great acts in town this week.
The Bolshoi Ballet, the Beach
Boys, uh, Chimps on Ice.
Uh, if any of you are out there
watching, I'm not gonna beg
but please, please
come down and help us out.
Alright, now what?
What do you wanna do?
You wanna sing the alphabet?
Come on, man.
Do that alphabet thang
you do so well.
Here's your mic, babe.
♪ A B C D E F G ♪
♪ H I J K M N N O P.. ♪
Now she's singing the alphabet?
Oh, don't worry,
aside from that, uh,
M-N-N-O-P part,
she's pretty good.
(Jesse)
'Yeah.'
♪ Now I know my A B C ♪
♪ Next time
won't you sing with me ♪♪
[cheering and applauding]
Congratulations.
You guys are now the hosts.
Your first job, wipe his chin.
- Well, what do we do now?
- I don't know.
But I ain't wiping his chin.
I have an idea. I can do
my dance to "Love Shack."
What do you guys think?
Great. I'll go get the tape.
Why don't you sing
that song you do to Michelle?
- Well..
- 'Thank you.'
The kitty goes meow.
The cow goes moo.
And there you have it,
the fabulous barnyard stylings
of Michelle Tanner.
Thank you very much.
- You're welcome very much.
- 'Alright.'
'And now
for our next performer.'
Here she is performing
"Love Shack, Baby."
Stephanie Tanner!
[B-52's singing "Love Shack"]
♪ If you see a faded sign
by the side of the road ♪
♪ That says 15 miles to the ♪
♪ Love Shack ♪
♪ Love Shack yeah ♪
♪ I'm headin' down
the Atlanta highway ♪
♪ Lookin' for the love getaway ♪
♪ Heading for the love getaway ♪
♪ I got me a car
it's as big as a whale ♪
♪ And we're headin' on down
to the Love Shack ♪
♪ I got me a Chrysler
and it seats about 20 ♪
♪ So hurry up and bring
your jukebox money ♪
♪ The Love Shack
is a little old place ♪
♪ Where we can get together ♪
♪ Love Shack baby ♪
♪ Love Shack ♪♪
[cheering and applauding]
Thank you, thank you!
And now, here she is
direct from my room,
my sister and yours..
Everybody give it up
for D.J. Tanner.
[singing
"Lollipop And Gummy Bears"]
♪ I'm riding down the aisle
in a shopping cart ♪
♪ I ask my dad please
can we get some of these ♪
♪ He says
you're going to the dentist ♪
♪ To get your teeth clean ♪
♪ So you can't have
any of those sweets ♪
♪ So we're headed for the truck
stand and I see in a pile ♪
♪ Just what I want
so I give my dad a smile ♪
♪ I ask daddy please
can we get some of these ♪
♪ He says
you're gonna have cavities ♪
♪ But I want lollipops and gummy
bears are my favorite treat ♪
♪ When I'm being good
I ask my dad for a treat ♪
♪ Lollipops and gummy bears
are good for treats ♪
♪ And I could share
they make me so happy ♪
♪ They make me so happy
so happy as I can be ♪
♪ Lollipops and gummy bears
are my favorite treat ♪
♪ When I'm being good
I ask my dad for a sweet ♪
♪ Lollipops and gummy bears
are good for treats ♪
♪ And we could share
they make me so happy ♪
♪ They make me so happy
so happy as I can ♪
♪ Lollipops and gummy bears
are good for treats ♪
♪ And we could share ♪♪
[applause]
Yay!
[singing "Janie's Got A Gun"]
♪ Janie's got a gun ♪
♪ He jacked
a little bitty baby ♪
♪ What did her daddy do ♪♪
Stop it.
Becky, please do something
before he starts
doing Tina Turner.
Well, Jess, I have a woman
on the phone who's willing
to pledge $200 if Kimmy Gibbler
will ride her unicycle.
Gosh, that's a generous offer,
but..
Unfortunately,
Kimmy Gibbler's not here.
Guess again.
Thanks for calling, mom.
"Sabre Dance" in G.
Hit it, boys.
[instrumental "Sabre Dance"]
Kimmy.
Kimmy! Kimmy! Kimmy!
Kimmy! Kimmy!
I close my eyes for two seconds,
it's the Kimmy Gibbler Telethon.
Danny, you've been out
for four hours.
Four hours?
Why didn't somebody wake me?
Oh, my gosh. Ah! I'm ruined.
I ruined the telethon.
- My life is over.
- Danny, we're still on the air.
That concludes the dramatic
portion of our show.
Danny, don't worry about it.
We took over as hosts for you.
Joey, myself, Becky.
The girls did a little dancing.
It went extremely okay.
Thanks, man.
You guys are the best.
Go get them.
Alright, let's look
at our new total.
Alright.
Nine-hundred
and sixty thousand dollars!
Alright!
[cheering and applauding]
Well, we're doing great
but we've gotta hit
that million-dollar mark
by the end of the show.
The kids are counting on you.
When we go off the air,
don't forget about all those
other important charities
that need your help.
Guess who's here! Oh-oh!
Uh, guess who's here.
One of the Beach Boys, Mike Love
and he's right over there.
Where did he go? I lost him.
I lost a whole Beach Boy.
- Excuse me, I'm over here.
- Oh!
- Dr. Love, how you doing?
- How you doing?
What are you doing down here?
Well, I heard, I heard
you begging for help
and-and I think
it's a great cause
and one-to-one,
I think we can work it out.
You'd really put us over
the top if you'd sing a song.
Well, I'd love to sing
"Be True To Your School"
if we could get those
cheerleaders out here.
- Oh, yeah.
- Oh, thanks. Here you go.
Okay.
I'm gonna sing the song.
I'm singer, you're drummer.
Right.
When I start the song
a little, I'm gonna pause,
a little drumroll.
- Got it. Little solo.
- Little, tiny thing.
I'm in. Got it.
Let's hit it!
♪ When some loud braggart
tries to put you down ♪
♪ And says his school is great ♪
♪ I tell him right away ♪
♪ Now what's the matter buddy ♪
♪ Ain't you heard of my school ♪
♪ It's number one in the state ♪
You asked me to play a solo.
Ever since Ringo started touring
we've had problems like this
with drummers.
Anyway, why don't you come up
here and play guitar?
- Alright.
- Here.
(Jesse)
'Hit it!'
[The Beach Boys singing
"Be True To Your School"]
♪ Be true to your school now ♪
♪ Just like you would
to your girl or guy ♪
♪ Be true to your school now ♪
♪ And let your colors fly ♪
♪ Be true to your school.. ♪
Well, we're almost at the end of
the show. Let's check the tote.
We did it!
[cheering and applauding]
'Oh, boy!'
♪ On Friday we'll be jacked up
on the football game.. ♪
We love our children!
We love you! Thanks a million!
♪ My girl will be working
on her pom-poms now ♪
♪ And she'll be yelling
tonight ♪
♪ Be true to your school ♪
♪ Just like you would
to your girl or guy ♪
♪ Be true to your school now ♪
♪ Rah rah rah
be true to your school ♪
♪ Rah rah rah
be true to your school ♪
♪ Rah rah rah
be true to your school ♪
♪ Rah rah rah
be true to your school ♪
♪ Rah rah rah
be true to your school ♪
♪ Rah rah rah
be true to your school ♪
♪ Rah rah rah
be true to your school ♪
♪ Rah rah rah
be true to your school ♪
♪ Rah rah rah
be true to your school ♪
♪ Rah rah rah
be true to your school ♪
♪ Rah rah rah
be true to your school ♪♪