[theme music]
See that? I redid
the whole room in retro-hip.
You got your rat pack
over here
your Elvis motif there
a brand new hair accouterments
center right here.
I hope you're not
too disappointed
but I had to take down
your pink bunny wallpaper.
It's about time.
Steph, I've been
living with those
stupid pink bunnies
for three years.
Why didn't you
say something sooner?
- You didn't ask.
- I didn't ask, of course.
Hey, where are the bunnies?
The bunnies went bye-bye.
But I loved the bunnies.
Ugh, well, it's a good thing
I-I happened to save one very
special important bunny for you
and I framed him,
and here he is.
Now this room is cool.
Cool. Cool, baby.
[theme music]
♪ Ah ah ah ah ♪
♪ Ah ♪
♪ Whatever happened
to predictability ♪
♪ The milkman
the paper boy ♪
♪ Evenin' TV ♪
♪ How did I get delivered here ♪
♪ Somebody tell me please ♪
♪ This old world's ♪
♪ Confusin' me ♪
♪ Clouds as mean
as you've ever seen ♪
♪ Ain't a bird
who knows your tune ♪
♪ Then a little voice
inside you whispers ♪
♪ Kid don't sell
your dreams so soon ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ There's a heart ♪
♪ A hand to hold on to ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ There's a face ♪
♪ Of somebody
who needs you ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ When you're
lost out there ♪
♪ And you're all alone ♪
♪ A light is waitin' ♪
♪ To carry you home ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Ah ah ah ah ♪
♪ Do be do ba ba da ♪♪
You know, girls..
...every year we watch
the music video awards
and stuff our faces
with junk food.
This year let's make it
interesting.
Every time you make
something interesting
we get in trouble.
I'll bet you...five marshmallows
at least one guy
from Guns N' Roses
falls off the stage.
Four cookies say they don't even
find the stage.
Let's play pillow fight.
Good one, Michelle.
Yeah, that was
real funny, Deej.
Pillow fight.
- Alright.
- Yeah.
Ow!
You're history,
Gibbler!
Uhh!
You guys are history.
No.
[glass shattering]
You're in big trouble,
misters.
Is everybody okay?
Yeah, we're fine.
Everything's great.
Thanks for stopping by.
I thought I covered everything,
but apparently
I forgot to mention never open
a window with a coat rack.
Okay, somebody
start explaining.
They did it.
You little squealer.
You started
the pillow fight.
Michelle, did you start
a pillow fight?
Yes, I did.
Michelle,
that was wrong.
You girls are
in big trouble.
Why are we in trouble?
Because she's just
a little girl.
You're supposed to set
an example.
We did...we set an example
of how destructive
pillow fights can be.
Nice try.
Now, according to
the official dad's handbook
the punishment for furniture
through a window
is raking the yard
to pay for it
and no music video awards.
- Aww.
- Aww, dad.
Boy, Mr. T.
you sucked all the fun
out of this room.
Kimmy, I-I know
I should punish you
and not your parents,
but I'm sending you home.
Be right with you, boys.
Joey, don't you think
it's a lil' strange
we're buying Rebecca's
engagement ring
from a guy
who's selling jewelry
out of a tackle box?
Stu has the best
prices in town.
Besides..
...he gave me a great deal
on this Rolex.
Joey, that says "Rolox."
So, Jess, eh, give me
a price range.
You deeply in love,
moderately in love
or desperate
for companionship?
Ha-ha.
Listen, Stu,
I want to get Becky
a ring that is so beautiful,
so spectacular
that she'll have no idea
that I'm on a budget.
Budget.
Well.
Let's see
what we have in our..
...eh, zip-lock department here.
Now, eh..
...this is going to be
what's called your starter ring.
Very popular with
the high school crowd.
Stu, eh,
just out of curiosity
is that a diamond
or a really shiny
piece of lint?
I had a ring just like this
when I was a kid.
[whistling]
I got to do better
than this, Stu.
Then here's something
from our
Stu, I Gotta Do Better
Than This Collection.
Whoa.
Now that's a headlight.
Oh, Stu, this ring
is beautiful.
How much are we talking here?
It's going
to run you, uh..
Have mercy, I hope that's
your telephone number.
- Hi, guys.
- Hey, Beck.
Oh, Jess.
This is so exciting,
I can't believe
we're actually picking out
an engagement ring.
This is so romantic.
How come we are not
in a store?
Because, little lady,
only Stu
could bring a ring like this
right into your home.
Stu.
[gasping]
Oh, sweetheart,
it's beautiful.
Eh, Beck, you sure
the diamond
is the right size
for you?
Oh, it's perfect.
I wouldn't want anything
bigger then this.
Alright, if this is
the ring you want
this is the ring
you're going to get.
Rebecca Donaldson,
this is a symbol
of my undying
devotion to you.
Oh, we're going to have
such a wonderful life
together.
Oh, thank you.
Thank you.
I have to call my mother.
I love you.
What a rock!
See that, Joey
Did you see her face?
I've never
seen her happier.
- Jess.
- Whoa.
"Then Mr. Knox said
"fox and socks,
our game is done, sir."
Thank you for
a lot of fun, sir.
Now its time for the most
fun of all, bedtime.
Read it again, please.
Daddy said
it's time for bed.
Don't shake your head.
Your story's read.
It's time for bed.
To bed, I said.
You ought to lay off
that seuss, man.
Sing me the teddy bear song.
Michelle, it's bedtime.
No. It's teddy bear time.
Come on, guys.
One tune, what do you say?
Okay, one tune.
This one's going out
to a little lady
who's about to go to sleep.
'Two, three, four.'
♪ Oh, baby, let me be ♪
♪ Ba ba da da ♪
♪ Your lovin' teddy bear ♪
♪ ♪ Ba ba da da ♪
♪ A-put a chain
around my neck ♪
♪ And lead me anywhere ♪
♪ Ba ba da da ♪
♪ Won't you let me be ♪
♪ Ba ba da da ♪
♪ Oh, let him be ♪
♪ Your teddy bear ♪
♪ Ba ba da da
ba ba da da ♪
♪ I don't wanna be your tiger ♪
♪ 'Cause tigers
play too rough ♪
♪ Don't wanna
be your lion ♪
♪ 'Cause lions ain't
the kind you love ♪
♪ Enough ♪
♪ I just wanna be ♪
♪ Ba ba da da ♪
♪ Your teddy bear ♪
♪ Ba ba da da
ba ba da da ♪
♪ A-wrap your chain
around my neck ♪
♪ And lead me anywhere
won't you let me be ♪
♪ Oh, let him be ♪
♪ Ya a teddy bear
♪ Your teddy bear ♪
♪ Your teddy bear
your teddy bear ♪
♪ I just wanna be
your teddy bear ♪
♪ Ooh ♪♪
One more time.
♪ Baby,
let me be-- ♪♪
Joey, it's over.
Okay, Michelle,
you had your little song.
Now it's time to sleep.
Goodnight kiss.
- Goodnight, Michelle.
- Goodnight, honey.
Sweet dreams.
This is nuts.
I'm out of here.
I have to take care
of some business.
He's gonna sell his Elvis guitar
to pay for Becky's ring.
He is?
Jess, how can you sell your
Elvis guitar. It's your baby.
Eh, it's really not
that special.
[disarming alarm]
It's just, uh, personally
autographed one of a kind
national treasure that the king
used to serenade
a bunch of hillbillies
off the back of a chicken truck
in "Kissin' Cousins."
I'm back.
Well, you better
get back...in bed.
No way, Jose.
Guys, I think something's
really bothering Michelle.
She's never called me
"Jose" before.
Is something
bothering you, princess?
I want to play.
Deeply troubled child.
Excuse us, one second
Your Majesty.
Why don't you go wait
in your lil' room.
We'll come see you
in a moment, thank you.
Want to know
Michelle's problem?
We treat her like she's
the queen of three-year-olds.
Well, She is.
She's adorable.
And don't tell me
you don't melt
when she sticks those
two lil' thumbs up
and says,
"you got it, dude."
I'm telling you guys,
she's just testing us, okay?
I was reading in
Modern Mom Magazine--
You read
Modern Mom Magazine?
Well, I-I was in
the beauty parlor with Becky
and I-I needed something
to read and this other lady
already got the new Cosmo, so..
What do you care?
The point is that it said
that kids Michelle's age
are going to test their limits.
So that's when you
gotta get tough
set the rules and stick to them.
You know what, you're right.
We gotta lay down the law
and show her who's boss.
Good, the video awards
are starting.
Now, Kimmy, move the TV
a little to the left.
Keep going.
There. That's perfect.
Who wants to play?
We can't play. We're grounded,
thank you very much.
You're welcome
very much.
Michelle,
there you are.
D.J., what are
you looking at?
Oh, just the stars.
Really?
Oh, I see stars,
alright.
M.C. Hammer.
Billy Idol.
Oh, hi, Mr. Gibbler.
I think he's yelling
something at me.
He said get a new hobby
or he's calling the police.
That's it, I want both you girls
in bed right now.
What? Michelle's
not even in bed yet.
Don't you worry about Michelle.
You get a goodnight's sleep.
You got a full day of raking
leaves ahead of you.
Alright, come on,
little princess.
Mwah.
What is happening here?
All of a sudden,
Michelle is Cinderella
and we're
the ugly stepsisters?
Who you calling ugly?
Alright, Danny,
show her who's boss.
Okay.
Sweetheart.
It's time to go to sleep.
Oh, she's shaking now.
Observe. Alright,
listen, kid.
Close your eyes, count some
sheep, ba-da-bing.
We'll see you
in the morning.
Okay, goodnight kiss.
[in unison]
Mwah.
- Goodnight, Michelle.
- Goodnight, sweetheart.
Sweet dreams.
Yeah, you see that?
Once you put your foot down,
the rest is a piece of cake.
[knocking on door]
'Can I come out, please?'
No. Go back to bed.
'Please let me out.'
Oh, please let her out.
'I want a drink of water.'
You just had one.
'I have to go to the bathroom.'
You went already.
Please let me out.
Oh, look at those
little fingers.
Oh, is my little princess
reaching out for human contact?
Come on, guys.
Hang tough. Hold on here.
Don't you love me anymore?
What, are you guys made
of stone or something?
Watch out, Michelle.
We're coming in.
Let's party, dudes.
Yeah, I guess
we showed her who's boss.
'Yes, I'm ready.'
[crowd cheering]
'Hey, what's up?'
[crowd chanting]
'Hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo.'
Hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo.
Michelle,
what are you doing?
Watching Arsenio.
Let's get busy.
Ahh.
Young lady.
I told you
to get into bed.
Want some chicken?
Thanks.
Michelle, I think it's time
to talk to you about
the importance of sleep.
You see, the amount
of sleep a person needs
is inversely proportionate
to their age.
'For example, a person your age'
'probably needs over
10 hours of sleep a night'
whereas a person my age
might get by on six or seven.
Of course, as with all rules,
there are exceptions.
A Bear,
he can sleep all winter
whereas an owl,
he's up all night.
Michelle?
Michelle.
[sighing]
We'll go over all of this again
tomorrow.
[instrumental music]
What are you doing?
Leaving a trail,
so you can find your way back?
Leaves.
'Michelle.'
'Cut it out.'
That's it!
You wreck them,
you rake them.
Girls.
I can't believe you're making
Michelle do your punishment.
- But, dad, she ran--
- Steph, save your energy.
You'll need it to rake.
Daddy, I want
to go swimming.
No, Michelle.
It's too cold outside.
No swimming.
But it's a beautiful day
for raking leaves.
Let's get this
over with.
Michelle,
what are you doing?
Going swimming.
But dad said no.
Well, I said yes.
But it's too cold outside.
That's why I'm swimming inside.
Joey, why did we
ever agree to do
a commercial for
the national liver council?
- You guys, can I interrupt?
- Please.
Ah, Jess, honey. I had my ring
appraised for insurance.
I had no idea you spent
so much money on it.
Eh, don't worry
about it, sweetheart.
Well, I am worried because
I know that you sold
your Elvis guitar
to help pay for it .
Who told you I..
Joseph?
Well, it's not Joey's fault.
I made him tell me.
What did she do,
twist your arm?
No. She bent my thumb
back like this.
And it really hurt.
Get out, liver boy.
Okay, liverace.
Look, Becky, the ring
is paid for, case closed.
Alright, fine,
But it just so happens
I bought you a present, too.
Remember your
favorite guitar?
Oh, Becky,
this-this is very sweet
but I can't accept the guitar.
I mean it would be like you
chipping in for your own ring.
- So what wrong with that?
- Well, everything.
Eh, it's a tradition
we are talking here.
Man buys woman ring.
Woman wears ring.
Man and woman live
happily ever after.
Nowhere in the story does it
say, "woman buys guitar."
How am I possibly
supposed to respond
to that kind of twisted
Neanderthal logic?
Very simple. By saying,
"Jesse, you're right.
You've always been right,
and you'll always be right."
Oh, I'll stitch
a sampler of that
and hang it, right over
over the mantel.
[clearing throat]
Look, Jess.
If you don't
accept the guitar
then I'm afraid I can't
accept the ring.
- Becky.
- Now, Jesse, look.
You don't have to be this
tough, macho guy with me.
We're a team now
and I would like it
if our marriage
was an equal partnership.
So let me be
as generous to you
as you are to me.
Beck, listen,
it makes sense to me
but I just can't take
the guitar back.
It just doesn't feel right.
Okay.
How does this feel?
- Ow, ow, ow, ow!
- Take it back!
Okay, alright,
I'll take it back.
See, Jess?
You were right.
You've always been right.
You always will be right.
Right.
Toot-toot.
Having fun, Michelle?
Surf's up, dudes.
"Surf's up, dudes?"
No. Your time's up, dudette.
I'm calling dad.
Wait, is there
any possible way
we can get blamed
for this?
Not this time.
Look at her.
She's a sitting duck.
We got her now.
- Dad, get in here!
- Hurry up!
Girls, what's all the..
No shoes in the pool.
Girls, you better have
an explanation for this.
He's blaming us.
This is a nightmare.
Dad, It's not our fault.
Michelle dragged in her pool.
Michelle filled it
with water.
Michelle blew up
her floaties
and Michelle threw herself
a pool party.
Dad, the key word
here is..
...Michelle.
Well, if you saw her
do all those things
why didn't you try
and stop her?
Because you let her do
whatever she wants.
- No, I don't.
- Yes, you do.
I'm a little princess.
Uh-oh.
This is all my fault.
What? She's off
the hook again?
She is really good.
She's not off the hook.
Okay, little princess
you and I need to talk.
Am I in big trouble,
mister?
Yes, ma'am.
Stand up, please.
Girls, if you'll excuse us
for a moment
I need to talk
to Michelle
about her very
first punishment.
Nail her, dad.
And if she tries to pulls
any of that cute stuff
think of your wet shoe.
I'll remember that.
[sighing]
Michelle, you've had it
pretty easy around here.
I like it here.
Well, things
are about to change.
The truth is
Michelle, you're very,
very special to me
because you're
my last little baby
and I guess,
in a way
I wanted you
to stay that way.
But I got to face it.
You're a big girl now.
So if you do something wrong
you're old enough
to be punished.
Is it over now?
No. Listening to me talk
is not punishment.
Although it does seem to
help you go to sleep.
Honey, I just want
you to know
I'm only doing this
because I love you.
I love you, daddy.
Ohh.
Wait a minute.
My shoe is wet.
Okay.
My shoe is wet.
It's wet.
I can feel it.
♪ This is no fun ♪
♪ No fun ♪
♪ Looking at the wall ♪♪
- Michelle?
- Yes, daddy?
Are you ready to be
a good girl now?
I'll be
a very good girl.
Good.
And did you learn a lesson
from all this?
Yes, I did. No swimming
in the kitchen.
Yes, No swimming
in the kitchen
that's a very
important lesson
but there's a bigger
lesson here.
Daddy, Uncle Jesse,
and Joey
we know what's best
for you
so, honey, when we ask you
to do something
you should do it.
Deal?
You're the boss.
Okay, then,
punishment is over.
Time to play.
No, it's not.
Time for bed.
Can we watch Arsenio?
What do you think?
I think it's time for bed.
You think right.
It's time for bed.
To bed, I said.
Daddy.
Am I still your
little princess?
Oh, you got it, dude.
Let me kiss you.
♪ Ah ah ah ah ♪
♪ Do be do ba ba da ♪♪