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[instrumental music]
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Okay, Michelle now
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the key to house hockey is..
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...no high-sticking,
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no cross-checking.
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And breaking a lamp
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will cost you
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ten minutes in the penalty
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box with Comet.
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Daddy said no hockey
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in the house.
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Right, but the beauty part is..
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...daddy's not home.
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So if you don't tell,
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I won't tell.
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This is very sneaky,
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but I like it.
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[chuckles]
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Now, you must try
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to shoot the puck
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past the world-famous
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goalie, moi.
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You must be
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very, very tricky
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because nothing gets by
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Pierre De La Pate.
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[chuckles]
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Look, daddy's home.
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Score.
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In your face, Pate.
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[chuckles]
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You think you
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are too tricky.
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Sacrebleu,
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les enfants.
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[theme music]
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♪ Ah ah ah ah ♪
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♪ Ah ♪
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♪ Whatever happened
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to predictability ♪
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♪ The milkman
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the paper boy ♪
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♪ Evenin' TV ♪
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♪ When did I get to livin' here
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somebody tell me please ♪
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♪ This whole world's
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confusing me ♪
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♪ Clouds as mean
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as you've ever seen ♪
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♪ Ain't a bird
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who knows your tune ♪
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♪ Then a little voice
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inside you whispers ♪
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♪ Kid don't sell your
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dreams so soon ♪
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♪ Everywhere you look
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everywhere you look ♪
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♪ There's a heart ♪
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♪ There's a heart ♪
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♪ A hand to hold onto ♪
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♪ Everywhere you look
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everywhere you look ♪
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♪ There's a face
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of somebody who needs you ♪
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♪ Everywhere you look ♪
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♪ When you're lost out there
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and you're all alone ♪
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♪ A light is waiting
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to carry you home ♪
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♪ Everywhere you look ♪
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♪ Everywhere you look ♪
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♪ Ah ah ah ah ♪
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♪ Shooby-do-ba-botta ♪♪
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[instrumental music]
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[piano music]
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Okay, Comet. This is how you
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fetch the mornin' paper.
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You bring it into the house,
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bring it to your master
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and drop it in his lap.
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Like that.
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Good boy, Danny.
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So, I'm gonna
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rub your tummy now?
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No, but I could use a little
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scratch behind the ears.
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In the living room.
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Good boy.
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- Hi.
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- Hi, Becky.
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- Hi, sweetheart.
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- Hi.
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Come on, Danny, we better
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get down to the station.
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Great. You know what I love
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about our talk show?
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Everyday we get to take
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a hard-hitting look
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at the important social issues
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facing our society.
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What's on this
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morning's schedule?
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Celebrity pasta salads.
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Alright, free food.
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- See you later.
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- See you later, honey.
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See you, guys.
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Oh, Jess, why did I eat this
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candy apple for breakfast?
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I don't know. Maybe to wash
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down the corn dog?
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No.
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'Cause it was calling me.
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"Psst. Hey, Joey.
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"Come here.
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"Look, I'm juicy,
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and I'm gooey
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and I'm on a stick."
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That's the same thing
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the corn dog said.
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Anyhow, that sticky goop
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pulled out one of my fillings.
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That must kill.
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Only when I go like this..
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[inhales]
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Ow.
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Don't go like that.
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Anyway, the dentist
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can see me this morning.
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You gotta cover for me,
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it's my day to be
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parent volunteer
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at Michelle 's preschool.
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Oh, no, no, no, I'm not gonna
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waste my one free morning
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with a bunch of whiney,
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sticky-fingered
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runny-nosed ankle biters.
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Jess, you leave me
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no choice.
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Michelle.
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I'm ready, Joey.
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Listen, whatever you two
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bozos have cooked up
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it ain't gonna work.
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Uh, Michelle,
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how would you feel
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if your Uncle Jesse
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went to preschool
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with you?
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I'd be the happiest girl
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in the whole world.
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Joseph, I've lived with
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this kid for four years.
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I'm cute-proof.
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Well, then you won't
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mind my asking..
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...Michelle, how would you feel
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if your Uncle Jesse
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didn't go with you?
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I'd be the saddest girl
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in the whole world.
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Michelle, are you
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just saying that
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'cause Joey told you to?
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And because
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I love you.
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Oh-ho, beautiful save.
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Alright, call her off.
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I'll go to
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preschool with you.
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Thank you.
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That was easy.
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Here you go, Steph,
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hot off the press.
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Your free copy
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of our school newspaper.
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Gee, thanks.
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News about kids
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I don't know
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at a school
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I don't go to.
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Check out
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my new column.
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"Madame Kimmy's Horoscope."
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Oh, if the words are too big
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for you to read
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you can always
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color on it.
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[laughs]
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Horoscope?
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What's that, Kimmy?
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A telescope that
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can only see your face?
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[laughs]
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Well, as editor
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of the school paper
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I must say Kimmy did
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an excellent job.
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She got all
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the astrological signs right.
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Except for aquarium,
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the fish tank.
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Are you saying Kimmy
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can tell the future?
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She can barely tell time.
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D.J., read
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Stephanie's horoscope.
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I bet you all of Madame Kimmy's
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predictions come true.
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Let's see what the stars
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foretell, young Capricorn.
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"Your day starts
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with good fortune."
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Wrong already.
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Kimmy's here.
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"Afternoon brings
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unpleasant surprise."
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What happens,
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Kimmy comes back?
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"Then a misunderstanding
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will occur at home.
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Exercise extreme
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caution after dark."
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Go now.
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I must rest.
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Your day starts
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with good fortune.
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Maybe you should
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check your pocket.
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Wow, a dollar.
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Just like my horoscope said.
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Uh-oh, does this mean all that
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bad stuff's gonna happen, too?
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Chill, squirt.
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I put that dollar
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in your pocket.
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Now the joke's over.
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Give it back.
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Not so fast.
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Kimmy, your
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horoscope says
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"You'll make
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a financial blunder."
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Your blunder,
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my buck.
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Let's see
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what mine says.
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"You will talk
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with a bad accent."
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Let's go. We're missing
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all the fun.
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Alright, alright.
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Michelle, you gotta know
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I'm not really into this
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preschool gig.
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So don't make a big deal
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that I'm here, okay?
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You got it, dude.
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Hey, everybody,
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this is my Uncle Jesse.
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(all)
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Hi, Uncle Jesse.
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Hi, rug rats.
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I'm Mrs. Manning.
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Welcome to preschool,
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Uncle Jesse.
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[chuckles]
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Nice to meet you.
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Listen, I'll just, uh,
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stay out of your way.
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Wake me up for nap time.
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Uncle Jesse, you're our
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special helper today.
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And special helpers
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get to join in all the fun.
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Oh, no. I'm not really
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that experienced
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in the special helper field.
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I'm really a musician
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by trade.
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That's perfect,
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because today is music day.
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Perfect.
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Okay, everybody
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gather around
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the magic carpet.
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Pick up your instruments.
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Uncle Jesse, you get to sit
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in the magic chair.
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It'll be magic if I can fit
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into this thing.
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[sighs]
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[indistinct chatter]
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[laughing]
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Ha-a-a ha ha ha.
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I'm sitting in a magic chair
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on the magic carpet
299
00:09:20,394 --> 00:09:22,645
with a munchkin
300
00:09:20,394 --> 00:09:22,645
tabernacle choir.
301
00:09:23,980 --> 00:09:25,399
I feel like a doofus.
302
00:09:25,440 --> 00:09:27,942
Let's play music,
303
00:09:25,440 --> 00:09:27,942
Uncle Doofus.
304
00:09:29,652 --> 00:09:31,112
[scoffing]
305
00:09:31,154 --> 00:09:32,655
Very, very cute.
306
00:09:32,697 --> 00:09:34,199
Never say that again.
307
00:09:35,616 --> 00:09:38,412
Uncle Jesse can
308
00:09:35,616 --> 00:09:38,412
sing like Elvis.
309
00:09:38,453 --> 00:09:39,787
Wonderful.
310
00:09:39,829 --> 00:09:42,123
Why don't you play
311
00:09:39,829 --> 00:09:42,123
the children a song?
312
00:09:42,165 --> 00:09:46,044
Uh, I don't think the king
313
00:09:42,165 --> 00:09:46,044
played a lot of preschools.
314
00:09:46,086 --> 00:09:47,587
He's chicken.
315
00:09:50,257 --> 00:09:52,133
Oh, yeah, like I'm really
316
00:09:50,257 --> 00:09:52,133
gonna respond
317
00:09:52,175 --> 00:09:53,927
to the challenge
318
00:09:52,175 --> 00:09:53,927
of a four year old.
319
00:09:53,968 --> 00:09:55,387
Bawk, bawk, bawk.
320
00:09:55,429 --> 00:09:57,514
Bawk, bawk, bawk.
321
00:09:57,556 --> 00:09:59,933
Give me that guitar.
322
00:09:59,974 --> 00:10:01,851
Uncle Jesse..
323
00:10:01,893 --> 00:10:04,521
...Aaron took
324
00:10:01,893 --> 00:10:04,521
my tambourine.
325
00:10:04,563 --> 00:10:05,897
Hey, be cool, man.
326
00:10:05,939 --> 00:10:07,774
There's no stealing
327
00:10:05,939 --> 00:10:07,774
on the magic carpet.
328
00:10:07,815 --> 00:10:09,859
Keep that up, and you'll
329
00:10:07,815 --> 00:10:09,859
end up in magic prison.
330
00:10:12,904 --> 00:10:14,448
Thank you very much.
331
00:10:14,489 --> 00:10:16,074
Alright, here we go.
332
00:10:14,489 --> 00:10:16,074
We'll do a little tune now
333
00:10:16,116 --> 00:10:17,492
about a cat
334
00:10:16,116 --> 00:10:17,492
we all know and love
335
00:10:17,534 --> 00:10:19,244
and he goes by
336
00:10:17,534 --> 00:10:19,244
the name of farmer, okay.
337
00:10:19,286 --> 00:10:21,496
Any guess where he lives.
338
00:10:19,286 --> 00:10:21,496
You guys know where he lives?
339
00:10:21,538 --> 00:10:23,290
Well, you don't. In the dell.
340
00:10:21,538 --> 00:10:23,290
That's where he lives.
341
00:10:23,331 --> 00:10:24,958
The fabulous, crazy,
342
00:10:23,331 --> 00:10:24,958
wacky dell.
343
00:10:24,999 --> 00:10:26,293
That's where he cat lives.
344
00:10:26,334 --> 00:10:27,668
Alright, let's do it
345
00:10:26,334 --> 00:10:27,668
little like this.
346
00:10:27,710 --> 00:10:30,046
[guitar music]
347
00:10:30,088 --> 00:10:31,339
♪ The farmer in the dell ♪
348
00:10:31,381 --> 00:10:32,924
♪ The farmer in the dell ♪
349
00:10:32,966 --> 00:10:34,050
♪ Viva la stereo ♪
350
00:10:34,092 --> 00:10:35,635
♪ The farmer in the dell ♪
351
00:10:35,676 --> 00:10:36,761
♪ The cheese stands alone ♪
352
00:10:36,803 --> 00:10:38,096
♪ The cheese stands alone ♪
353
00:10:38,138 --> 00:10:39,347
♪ Hunk a hunk a stinky cheese ♪
354
00:10:39,389 --> 00:10:41,099
♪ The cheese stands alone ♪♪
355
00:10:41,141 --> 00:10:43,810
- Yay.
356
00:10:41,141 --> 00:10:43,810
- Yay.
357
00:10:43,851 --> 00:10:45,228
- More. More.
358
00:10:43,851 --> 00:10:45,228
- 'Thank you.'
359
00:10:45,270 --> 00:10:46,521
- More. More.
360
00:10:45,270 --> 00:10:46,521
- More. More.
361
00:10:46,563 --> 00:10:48,731
The farmer has left
362
00:10:46,563 --> 00:10:48,731
the building.
363
00:10:50,817 --> 00:10:51,818
Thank you.
364
00:10:51,859 --> 00:10:54,695
[children sobbing]
365
00:10:54,737 --> 00:10:57,073
Ha ha ha.
366
00:10:58,575 --> 00:11:01,077
Uncle Jesse, while I get
367
00:10:58,575 --> 00:11:01,077
ready for puppet time
368
00:11:01,119 --> 00:11:03,955
why don't you hand out
369
00:11:01,119 --> 00:11:03,955
these animal cookies?
370
00:11:03,997 --> 00:11:06,082
Sounds easy enough.
371
00:11:03,997 --> 00:11:06,082
Alright, who wants a cookie?
372
00:11:06,124 --> 00:11:07,708
(all)
373
00:11:06,124 --> 00:11:07,708
Me.
374
00:11:09,377 --> 00:11:11,004
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
375
00:11:11,045 --> 00:11:12,339
Watch the hair.
376
00:11:16,843 --> 00:11:18,928
Alright.
377
00:11:16,843 --> 00:11:18,928
Who was first?
378
00:11:18,970 --> 00:11:21,722
(all)
379
00:11:18,970 --> 00:11:21,722
Me.
380
00:11:21,764 --> 00:11:23,350
Stupid question.
381
00:11:23,391 --> 00:11:24,518
Alright. Alright. Alright.
382
00:11:24,559 --> 00:11:27,228
Here you go.
383
00:11:24,559 --> 00:11:27,228
You get an elephant.
384
00:11:27,270 --> 00:11:28,938
You get a camel.
385
00:11:30,273 --> 00:11:32,484
You get something
386
00:11:30,273 --> 00:11:32,484
with its head missing.
387
00:11:33,692 --> 00:11:36,196
Come on.
388
00:11:33,692 --> 00:11:36,196
Follow me, follow me.
389
00:11:36,237 --> 00:11:38,448
What happened
390
00:11:36,237 --> 00:11:38,448
to my life?
391
00:11:41,576 --> 00:11:44,120
Hey, you ate my elephant.
392
00:11:44,162 --> 00:11:46,623
It's in my tummy now.
393
00:11:46,665 --> 00:11:47,832
[laughs]
394
00:11:49,376 --> 00:11:50,502
Uncle Jesse..
395
00:11:50,544 --> 00:11:52,671
...Aaron ate my elephant.
396
00:11:52,711 --> 00:11:54,881
That's not fair.
397
00:11:52,711 --> 00:11:54,881
Go eat his cookie.
398
00:11:54,922 --> 00:11:57,425
If somebody does something
399
00:11:54,922 --> 00:11:57,425
to you, do it back to him.
400
00:11:57,467 --> 00:12:00,387
- Works for me.
401
00:11:57,467 --> 00:12:00,387
- Hmm.
402
00:12:00,428 --> 00:12:03,264
Here you go. Clean hands.
403
00:12:00,428 --> 00:12:03,264
No, the clean hand.
404
00:12:03,306 --> 00:12:04,516
Give me your cookie.
405
00:12:06,017 --> 00:12:08,353
That was my camel.
406
00:12:08,395 --> 00:12:10,938
It's in my tummy now.
407
00:12:08,395 --> 00:12:10,938
Ha ha ha.
408
00:12:10,980 --> 00:12:12,731
Ow.
409
00:12:12,773 --> 00:12:14,359
Oww.
410
00:12:14,401 --> 00:12:16,152
Ow.
411
00:12:16,194 --> 00:12:17,070
Ow-oww.
412
00:12:17,111 --> 00:12:19,656
- O-o-ow.
413
00:12:17,111 --> 00:12:19,656
- O-o-ow.
414
00:12:23,201 --> 00:12:25,161
What's going on here?
415
00:12:25,203 --> 00:12:26,829
Michelle pinched me.
416
00:12:26,871 --> 00:12:29,666
Michelle, did you pinch Aaron?
417
00:12:29,708 --> 00:12:31,251
Yes, I did.
418
00:12:32,711 --> 00:12:34,962
Wait a minute, Michelle,
419
00:12:32,711 --> 00:12:34,962
did Aaron pinch you first?
420
00:12:35,004 --> 00:12:36,755
Yes, he did.
421
00:12:36,797 --> 00:12:40,176
You both know that
422
00:12:36,797 --> 00:12:40,176
pinching is not allowed.
423
00:12:40,218 --> 00:12:42,970
Uncle Jesse said
424
00:12:40,218 --> 00:12:42,970
to do it back.
425
00:12:47,392 --> 00:12:49,477
Oh, the kid's been
426
00:12:47,392 --> 00:12:49,477
bugging her all morning.
427
00:12:49,519 --> 00:12:52,063
And he called me
428
00:12:49,519 --> 00:12:52,063
Uncle Doofus.
429
00:12:52,105 --> 00:12:55,983
Well, that's not how
430
00:12:52,105 --> 00:12:55,983
we settle things here.
431
00:12:56,025 --> 00:12:58,152
I think both of you
432
00:12:56,025 --> 00:12:58,152
are going to have to sit
433
00:12:58,194 --> 00:13:00,321
in the corner
434
00:12:58,194 --> 00:13:00,321
for time out.
435
00:13:00,363 --> 00:13:02,781
Now, Aaron, over there.
436
00:13:02,823 --> 00:13:04,783
Michelle, over there.
437
00:13:04,825 --> 00:13:06,953
Me? I'm the good one.
438
00:13:08,871 --> 00:13:10,540
Yeah, she's the good one.
439
00:13:10,582 --> 00:13:12,542
Michelle, go.
440
00:13:16,713 --> 00:13:18,423
Uh, you-you call this
441
00:13:16,713 --> 00:13:18,423
justice here?
442
00:13:18,465 --> 00:13:19,966
Kid was just trying
443
00:13:18,465 --> 00:13:19,966
to defend herself.
444
00:13:20,007 --> 00:13:23,010
It's not appropriate
445
00:13:20,007 --> 00:13:23,010
behavior for my classroom.
446
00:13:23,052 --> 00:13:25,012
Hey, teach, I think you've been
447
00:13:23,052 --> 00:13:25,012
spending a little too much time
448
00:13:25,054 --> 00:13:27,641
on the old magic carpet.
449
00:13:27,682 --> 00:13:29,517
There's a real world out there
450
00:13:27,682 --> 00:13:29,517
and these kids have to learn
451
00:13:29,559 --> 00:13:30,602
to stick up for themselves.
452
00:13:30,644 --> 00:13:31,852
They also have to learn
453
00:13:31,894 --> 00:13:33,812
that violence
454
00:13:31,894 --> 00:13:33,812
is not the answer.
455
00:13:33,854 --> 00:13:35,148
Oh, so you're saying
456
00:13:33,854 --> 00:13:35,148
that anybody
457
00:13:35,189 --> 00:13:36,524
can just come up
458
00:13:35,189 --> 00:13:36,524
and eat her elephant?
459
00:13:38,568 --> 00:13:41,279
I want my niece to learn
460
00:13:38,568 --> 00:13:41,279
to stand up for herself.
461
00:13:41,321 --> 00:13:44,073
The punishment stands.
462
00:13:41,321 --> 00:13:44,073
I'm sorry.
463
00:13:44,115 --> 00:13:46,951
- I'm in charge at this school.
464
00:13:44,115 --> 00:13:46,951
- Oh, yeah?
465
00:13:46,993 --> 00:13:49,870
Maybe Michelle shouldn't
466
00:13:46,993 --> 00:13:49,870
be at this school.
467
00:13:49,912 --> 00:13:51,331
Come on, Michelle.
468
00:13:51,372 --> 00:13:52,582
We're out of here.
469
00:13:52,624 --> 00:13:54,167
Kids, say goodbye
470
00:13:52,624 --> 00:13:54,167
to Michelle.
471
00:13:54,208 --> 00:13:56,544
(all)
472
00:13:54,208 --> 00:13:56,544
Bye.
473
00:14:02,759 --> 00:14:05,136
It's great.
474
00:14:05,178 --> 00:14:07,972
- Hi.
475
00:14:05,178 --> 00:14:07,972
- You're back from the dentist
476
00:14:08,014 --> 00:14:10,391
You've gotta try this
477
00:14:08,014 --> 00:14:10,391
Ted Koppel Capellini.
478
00:14:10,433 --> 00:14:11,434
Umm.
479
00:14:11,476 --> 00:14:13,227
I can't.
480
00:14:11,476 --> 00:14:13,227
I had Novocain.
481
00:14:13,269 --> 00:14:17,023
They went, zzz-zzz.
482
00:14:17,064 --> 00:14:18,857
[gurgling]
483
00:14:18,899 --> 00:14:21,902
And then I had
484
00:14:18,899 --> 00:14:21,902
a root canal.
485
00:14:21,944 --> 00:14:23,780
What did he say?
486
00:14:23,822 --> 00:14:26,574
You heard him.
487
00:14:23,822 --> 00:14:26,574
He said he had root ah..
488
00:14:26,616 --> 00:14:28,201
Thanks for clearing that up.
489
00:14:28,242 --> 00:14:29,494
[telephone rings]
490
00:14:29,536 --> 00:14:31,871
I'll get that.
491
00:14:31,912 --> 00:14:33,748
[telephone rings]
492
00:14:33,790 --> 00:14:35,667
Hello?
493
00:14:35,709 --> 00:14:37,627
Oh, hi, ra-ra.
494
00:14:37,669 --> 00:14:38,753
Hu-uuh?
495
00:14:38,795 --> 00:14:40,171
Ha-ha. Uh-huh.
496
00:14:40,213 --> 00:14:43,383
[mumbling]
497
00:14:43,424 --> 00:14:45,468
[mumbling]
498
00:14:43,424 --> 00:14:45,468
Uh-huh.
499
00:14:45,510 --> 00:14:48,388
[laughs]
500
00:14:48,429 --> 00:14:49,848
- Hi.
501
00:14:48,429 --> 00:14:49,848
- Hi.
502
00:14:49,889 --> 00:14:51,182
- Hi.
503
00:14:49,889 --> 00:14:51,182
- Hi, Michelle.
504
00:14:54,060 --> 00:14:55,186
Where'd you get
505
00:14:54,060 --> 00:14:55,186
all this stuff?
506
00:14:55,228 --> 00:14:56,646
At the zoo.
507
00:14:56,688 --> 00:14:59,899
I saw lions
508
00:14:56,688 --> 00:14:59,899
and tigers and bears.
509
00:14:59,940 --> 00:15:02,610
Oh, my.
510
00:15:02,652 --> 00:15:04,445
What happened
511
00:15:02,652 --> 00:15:04,445
to preschool?
512
00:15:04,487 --> 00:15:06,947
I quit preschool.
513
00:15:06,989 --> 00:15:09,409
You quit preschool?
514
00:15:09,450 --> 00:15:10,869
Well, she didn't
515
00:15:09,450 --> 00:15:10,869
actually quit.
516
00:15:10,910 --> 00:15:12,453
I kinda pulled her
517
00:15:10,910 --> 00:15:12,453
out of there.
518
00:15:12,495 --> 00:15:15,623
Danny, this preschool thing
519
00:15:12,495 --> 00:15:15,623
is-is way overrated.
520
00:15:15,665 --> 00:15:17,166
Michelle, tell your daddy
521
00:15:15,665 --> 00:15:17,166
what you learned today
522
00:15:17,208 --> 00:15:18,209
in the real world.
523
00:15:18,251 --> 00:15:20,754
A camel can spit.
524
00:15:22,422 --> 00:15:23,590
Hey, one day
525
00:15:22,422 --> 00:15:23,590
you're gonna be glad
526
00:15:23,631 --> 00:15:25,508
I pulled her
527
00:15:23,631 --> 00:15:25,508
out of that place.
528
00:15:25,550 --> 00:15:26,801
How could you do this?
529
00:15:26,843 --> 00:15:29,053
That happens to be
530
00:15:26,843 --> 00:15:29,053
an excellent preschool.
531
00:15:29,095 --> 00:15:30,722
Michelle is getting
532
00:15:29,095 --> 00:15:30,722
an academic foundation
533
00:15:30,764 --> 00:15:32,807
that gonna carry her
534
00:15:30,764 --> 00:15:32,807
through grades K through 12
535
00:15:32,849 --> 00:15:34,851
through college,
536
00:15:32,849 --> 00:15:34,851
to Harvard law school.
537
00:15:34,893 --> 00:15:37,604
Jess, you have robbed
538
00:15:34,893 --> 00:15:37,604
our nation of one of the finest
539
00:15:37,645 --> 00:15:39,564
legal minds the supreme court
540
00:15:37,645 --> 00:15:39,564
has ever known.
541
00:15:40,981 --> 00:15:43,150
I got to go potty.
542
00:15:47,864 --> 00:15:49,365
Danny, I know
543
00:15:47,864 --> 00:15:49,365
that you're upset
544
00:15:49,407 --> 00:15:51,409
but I'm sure that Jesse
545
00:15:49,407 --> 00:15:51,409
had a very good reason
546
00:15:51,451 --> 00:15:53,494
for pulling her
547
00:15:51,451 --> 00:15:53,494
out of preschool.
548
00:15:53,536 --> 00:15:55,914
Yeah, I'm sure.
549
00:15:53,536 --> 00:15:55,914
He's out of his mind.
550
00:15:55,955 --> 00:15:57,457
Tell him, honey.
551
00:15:57,498 --> 00:15:59,500
They were going to make
552
00:15:57,498 --> 00:15:59,500
Michelle sit in the corner.
553
00:16:02,086 --> 00:16:04,088
- And then?
554
00:16:02,086 --> 00:16:04,088
- That's it.
555
00:16:05,548 --> 00:16:07,884
You're right.
556
00:16:05,548 --> 00:16:07,884
He's out of his mind.
557
00:16:07,926 --> 00:16:08,927
You guys weren't there,
558
00:16:07,926 --> 00:16:08,927
this little kid
559
00:16:08,968 --> 00:16:10,553
was bugging her all morning.
560
00:16:10,595 --> 00:16:12,472
I told her to stick up for
561
00:16:10,595 --> 00:16:12,472
herself and the kid pinched her
562
00:16:12,513 --> 00:16:15,600
so she pinched him back,
563
00:16:12,513 --> 00:16:15,600
a real good one, too.
564
00:16:15,642 --> 00:16:17,101
Oh, that's a great lesson.
565
00:16:17,143 --> 00:16:18,478
Oh, it worked
566
00:16:17,143 --> 00:16:18,478
for me as a kid.
567
00:16:18,519 --> 00:16:20,354
An eye for an eye,
568
00:16:18,519 --> 00:16:20,354
a pinch for a pinch.
569
00:16:20,396 --> 00:16:22,816
It's only way you can survive
570
00:16:20,396 --> 00:16:22,816
out there on those streets.
571
00:16:22,857 --> 00:16:26,736
What streets? Michelle's not
572
00:16:22,857 --> 00:16:26,736
allowed out of the backyard.
573
00:16:26,778 --> 00:16:29,071
Hey, I just want the kid to
574
00:16:26,778 --> 00:16:29,071
learn to stand up for herself.
575
00:16:29,113 --> 00:16:30,907
Well, so do I but
576
00:16:29,113 --> 00:16:30,907
that's no reason to pull her
577
00:16:30,949 --> 00:16:32,700
out of school without
578
00:16:30,949 --> 00:16:32,700
consulting me first.
579
00:16:32,742 --> 00:16:34,494
I thought I was living here
580
00:16:32,742 --> 00:16:34,494
to help my nieces.
581
00:16:34,535 --> 00:16:36,496
Those nieces just happen
582
00:16:34,535 --> 00:16:36,496
to be my daughters.
583
00:16:36,537 --> 00:16:37,872
Oh, so what am I?
584
00:16:36,537 --> 00:16:37,872
Just hired help or something?
585
00:16:37,914 --> 00:16:39,332
Okay, I'll go
586
00:16:37,914 --> 00:16:39,332
cook dinner for..
587
00:16:39,373 --> 00:16:40,875
What would you like?
588
00:16:39,373 --> 00:16:40,875
Chicken or pork chops?
589
00:16:40,917 --> 00:16:42,209
I hate to make
590
00:16:40,917 --> 00:16:42,209
such a big decision
591
00:16:42,251 --> 00:16:44,086
without consulting
592
00:16:42,251 --> 00:16:44,086
the king first.
593
00:16:44,128 --> 00:16:46,422
Jess, just cook
594
00:16:44,128 --> 00:16:46,422
whatever you want.
595
00:16:46,464 --> 00:16:48,299
I-I do kind of feel
596
00:16:46,464 --> 00:16:48,299
like chicken, though.
597
00:16:50,384 --> 00:16:51,636
Oh.
598
00:16:58,184 --> 00:17:00,353
Oh, it's childproof.
599
00:17:08,361 --> 00:17:10,780
Joey, I'm freaking out.
600
00:17:10,822 --> 00:17:13,783
Kimmy's horoscope said,
601
00:17:10,822 --> 00:17:13,783
I'd have an unpleasant surprise
602
00:17:13,825 --> 00:17:15,034
and it happened.
603
00:17:15,075 --> 00:17:16,202
Instead of pizza
604
00:17:16,243 --> 00:17:18,705
the cafeteria
605
00:17:16,243 --> 00:17:18,705
served pimento loaf.
606
00:17:18,746 --> 00:17:21,248
It was like eating
607
00:17:18,746 --> 00:17:21,248
baloney with eyes.
608
00:17:22,458 --> 00:17:25,044
[mumbling]
609
00:17:26,963 --> 00:17:28,923
Joey, I can't
610
00:17:26,963 --> 00:17:28,923
understand you.
611
00:17:30,049 --> 00:17:32,426
Hey, wait a second.
612
00:17:32,468 --> 00:17:34,929
"A misunderstanding
613
00:17:32,468 --> 00:17:34,929
will occur at home."
614
00:17:34,971 --> 00:17:36,764
I'm at home.
615
00:17:36,806 --> 00:17:38,808
I'm misunderstanding you.
616
00:17:38,850 --> 00:17:40,727
I'm freaking out again.
617
00:17:43,312 --> 00:17:45,899
[mumbling]
618
00:17:51,404 --> 00:17:53,031
[mumbling]
619
00:17:54,198 --> 00:17:58,160
[water splattering]
620
00:17:58,202 --> 00:17:59,746
[mumbling]
621
00:17:59,787 --> 00:18:02,331
[water gushing]
622
00:18:07,795 --> 00:18:10,673
Kimmy, what do you think about
623
00:18:07,795 --> 00:18:10,673
this for next week's editorial?
624
00:18:10,715 --> 00:18:13,092
"Tardiness, are we really late?
625
00:18:13,133 --> 00:18:15,636
Or does class start
626
00:18:13,133 --> 00:18:15,636
just a bit too early?"
627
00:18:22,810 --> 00:18:23,978
What are you doing?
628
00:18:24,020 --> 00:18:25,980
Practicing for
629
00:18:24,020 --> 00:18:25,980
the nerd Olympics?
630
00:18:27,607 --> 00:18:31,069
Kimmy, everything
631
00:18:27,607 --> 00:18:31,069
in your horoscope came true.
632
00:18:31,110 --> 00:18:35,448
Now it says to exercise
633
00:18:31,110 --> 00:18:35,448
extreme caution after dark.
634
00:18:35,489 --> 00:18:38,618
That's why I'm sleeping
635
00:18:35,489 --> 00:18:38,618
with Michelle's night light.
636
00:18:38,659 --> 00:18:41,245
Well, I guess I better
637
00:18:38,659 --> 00:18:41,245
tell you the truth, kid.
638
00:18:41,287 --> 00:18:43,122
I don't know anything
639
00:18:41,287 --> 00:18:43,122
about astrology.
640
00:18:43,163 --> 00:18:45,833
I just copied those horoscopes
641
00:18:43,163 --> 00:18:45,833
out of old newspapers.
642
00:18:47,376 --> 00:18:49,336
You mean, thanks
643
00:18:47,376 --> 00:18:49,336
to this woman
644
00:18:49,378 --> 00:18:53,382
I spent my whole day
645
00:18:49,378 --> 00:18:53,382
freaking out over nothing?
646
00:18:54,675 --> 00:18:56,176
How rude.
647
00:18:59,305 --> 00:19:01,933
Hey, you stole
648
00:18:59,305 --> 00:19:01,933
my clown light.
649
00:19:01,975 --> 00:19:04,184
Michelle, I just needed
650
00:19:01,975 --> 00:19:04,184
to borrow it.
651
00:19:04,226 --> 00:19:07,229
That's mine.
652
00:19:04,226 --> 00:19:07,229
You're in big trouble, mister.
653
00:19:08,648 --> 00:19:11,109
- Ow.
654
00:19:08,648 --> 00:19:11,109
- What's going on in here?
655
00:19:11,150 --> 00:19:12,777
Did you see what
656
00:19:11,150 --> 00:19:12,777
Michelle just did?
657
00:19:12,819 --> 00:19:14,445
No.
658
00:19:12,819 --> 00:19:14,445
Michelle, what did you do?
659
00:19:14,487 --> 00:19:16,155
I did this.
660
00:19:16,196 --> 00:19:17,698
Ow.
661
00:19:17,740 --> 00:19:20,076
Michelle, stop
662
00:19:17,740 --> 00:19:20,076
pinching Stephanie.
663
00:19:20,118 --> 00:19:21,201
You said I could.
664
00:19:21,243 --> 00:19:22,829
No. No.
665
00:19:21,243 --> 00:19:22,829
That was different.
666
00:19:22,870 --> 00:19:25,623
I-I said you could before
667
00:19:22,870 --> 00:19:25,623
because Aaron took your cookie.
668
00:19:25,665 --> 00:19:28,042
Stephanie took my lamp.
669
00:19:28,084 --> 00:19:30,962
Yeah, but in one case, somebody
670
00:19:28,084 --> 00:19:30,962
took something that was yours.
671
00:19:31,004 --> 00:19:34,090
But in the other case,
672
00:19:31,004 --> 00:19:34,090
somebody took something that..
673
00:19:34,132 --> 00:19:35,508
...was yours.
674
00:19:35,549 --> 00:19:36,843
Oh, boy.
675
00:19:39,137 --> 00:19:42,181
Give it back, or you're
676
00:19:39,137 --> 00:19:42,181
getting it again.
677
00:19:42,222 --> 00:19:44,224
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
678
00:19:42,222 --> 00:19:44,224
crab girl.
679
00:19:44,266 --> 00:19:46,185
Put away those pinchers.
680
00:19:46,226 --> 00:19:47,311
Come on.
681
00:19:46,226 --> 00:19:47,311
Follow me.
682
00:19:47,353 --> 00:19:48,813
We're going to my room.
683
00:19:50,481 --> 00:19:52,900
I'll be back
684
00:19:50,481 --> 00:19:52,900
for the clown.
685
00:19:55,486 --> 00:19:57,446
Alright, Michelle...
686
00:19:55,486 --> 00:19:57,446
we have to have one
687
00:19:57,488 --> 00:19:59,657
of our world famous talks.
688
00:19:59,699 --> 00:20:03,536
[sighs]
689
00:19:59,699 --> 00:20:03,536
Now...I'm not
690
00:19:59,699 --> 00:20:03,536
very happy about it
691
00:20:03,577 --> 00:20:06,622
but, uh, your Uncle Jesse
692
00:20:03,577 --> 00:20:06,622
was wrong today.
693
00:20:08,916 --> 00:20:12,378
I know.
694
00:20:08,916 --> 00:20:12,378
I'm as shocked as you are.
695
00:20:12,419 --> 00:20:15,589
But I lost my cool today
696
00:20:12,419 --> 00:20:15,589
and I acted like a big jerk.
697
00:20:15,631 --> 00:20:17,257
No problem.
698
00:20:17,299 --> 00:20:19,301
Well, it is a problem.
699
00:20:19,343 --> 00:20:20,845
See, Michelle, when
700
00:20:19,343 --> 00:20:20,845
I was a kid, I used to get
701
00:20:20,887 --> 00:20:22,889
into a lot of fights
702
00:20:20,887 --> 00:20:22,889
and looking back
703
00:20:22,930 --> 00:20:25,766
I kind of realize I handled
704
00:20:22,930 --> 00:20:25,766
those fights all wrong.
705
00:20:25,808 --> 00:20:27,101
Should've led
706
00:20:25,808 --> 00:20:27,101
with my jab, huh.
707
00:20:27,143 --> 00:20:29,145
No.
708
00:20:27,143 --> 00:20:29,145
Just kidding.
709
00:20:29,187 --> 00:20:31,105
Uh, I'm not proud
710
00:20:29,187 --> 00:20:31,105
of those fights.
711
00:20:31,147 --> 00:20:33,107
No problem.
712
00:20:33,149 --> 00:20:34,942
Well, what I should've
713
00:20:33,149 --> 00:20:34,942
said today was
714
00:20:34,984 --> 00:20:36,485
that if you have a problem,
715
00:20:34,984 --> 00:20:36,485
you should try to solve it
716
00:20:36,527 --> 00:20:39,238
with words, like-like
717
00:20:36,527 --> 00:20:39,238
"Knock it off"
718
00:20:39,279 --> 00:20:42,783
or the ever popular
719
00:20:39,279 --> 00:20:42,783
"Buzz off, bucko."
720
00:20:42,825 --> 00:20:44,326
And if that doesn't work
721
00:20:42,825 --> 00:20:44,326
you should try to find
722
00:20:44,368 --> 00:20:46,328
a parent or teacher
723
00:20:44,368 --> 00:20:46,328
to help you.
724
00:20:46,370 --> 00:20:49,373
But absolutely
725
00:20:46,370 --> 00:20:49,373
no hitting or pinching.
726
00:20:49,415 --> 00:20:50,541
Capisce?
727
00:20:50,583 --> 00:20:53,169
Capisce.
728
00:20:50,583 --> 00:20:53,169
No more pinching.
729
00:20:55,880 --> 00:20:57,256
Jess, I called Mrs. Manning
730
00:20:57,297 --> 00:20:59,133
and I straightened
731
00:20:57,297 --> 00:20:59,133
everything out.
732
00:20:59,175 --> 00:21:01,343
Michelle, you're going back
733
00:20:59,175 --> 00:21:01,343
to school tomorrow.
734
00:21:01,385 --> 00:21:04,805
Okay, but it's Saturday.
735
00:21:04,847 --> 00:21:06,724
Make that Monday, then.
736
00:21:06,766 --> 00:21:10,103
Danny, uh, I straightened a few
737
00:21:06,766 --> 00:21:10,103
things out with Michelle.
738
00:21:10,144 --> 00:21:12,646
Michelle, tell your daddy
739
00:21:10,144 --> 00:21:12,646
what you learned today.
740
00:21:12,688 --> 00:21:15,733
Uncle Jesse is a big jerk.
741
00:21:16,817 --> 00:21:18,277
You taught her that?
742
00:21:18,318 --> 00:21:19,987
No. I didn't teach
743
00:21:18,318 --> 00:21:19,987
her that.
744
00:21:20,029 --> 00:21:21,447
Well, actually, yeah.
745
00:21:20,029 --> 00:21:21,447
Yeah, I did teach her that.
746
00:21:21,488 --> 00:21:23,783
But I taught her
747
00:21:21,488 --> 00:21:23,783
no pinching.
748
00:21:23,824 --> 00:21:26,493
That's what
749
00:21:23,824 --> 00:21:26,493
I taught her.
750
00:21:26,535 --> 00:21:28,579
Danny, I'm sorry.
751
00:21:26,535 --> 00:21:28,579
I owe you an apology.
752
00:21:28,621 --> 00:21:30,206
I should've talked to you
753
00:21:28,621 --> 00:21:30,206
about all this stuff
754
00:21:30,248 --> 00:21:32,583
before I turned Michelle
755
00:21:30,248 --> 00:21:32,583
into a preschool dropout.
756
00:21:32,625 --> 00:21:33,960
That's okay, Jess.
757
00:21:34,001 --> 00:21:36,003
I know you were just
758
00:21:34,001 --> 00:21:36,003
trying to protect her.
759
00:21:36,045 --> 00:21:38,714
Well, I just wish there was some
760
00:21:36,045 --> 00:21:38,714
way I could make it up to you.
761
00:21:38,756 --> 00:21:42,135
You know what? There is.
762
00:21:38,756 --> 00:21:42,135
You are a very lucky man.
763
00:21:42,176 --> 00:21:43,552
Because I told the school
764
00:21:42,176 --> 00:21:43,552
you're going to be
765
00:21:43,594 --> 00:21:46,639
the special helper
766
00:21:43,594 --> 00:21:46,639
all next week.
767
00:21:48,474 --> 00:21:50,059
Isn't that good news,
768
00:21:48,474 --> 00:21:50,059
Michelle?
769
00:21:50,101 --> 00:21:53,854
That makes me
770
00:21:50,101 --> 00:21:53,854
very happy.
771
00:21:53,896 --> 00:21:56,107
Come here, honey.
772
00:21:53,896 --> 00:21:56,107
Oh, boy.
773
00:21:56,149 --> 00:21:57,858
You're going to have fun
774
00:21:56,149 --> 00:21:57,858
in preschool next week.
775
00:21:57,900 --> 00:21:59,318
You're gonna play guitar
776
00:21:57,900 --> 00:21:59,318
for the kids
777
00:21:59,359 --> 00:22:00,903
'You know, do one Elvis song
778
00:21:59,359 --> 00:22:00,903
and then you can'
779
00:22:00,945 --> 00:22:02,155
'sit in one of those
780
00:22:00,945 --> 00:22:02,155
little chairs.'
781
00:22:02,196 --> 00:22:03,697
Oh, it's great.
782
00:22:03,739 --> 00:22:05,574
You can paint
783
00:22:03,739 --> 00:22:05,574
with the kids.
784
00:22:07,409 --> 00:22:09,996
[instrumental music]
785
00:22:11,998 --> 00:22:14,167
♪ Ah ah ah ah ♪
786
00:22:15,168 --> 00:22:18,254
[theme music]
787
00:22:34,020 --> 00:22:37,564
♪ Ah ah ah ah ♪
788
00:22:37,606 --> 00:22:40,734
♪ Shooby-do-ba-botta ♪♪