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[instrumental music]
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♪ Mama's little baby
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loves shortnin' shortnin' ♪
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♪ Mama's.. ♪♪
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Comet, do I got it
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or do I got it?
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No, you got it.
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Uncle Jesse,
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I got a owie.
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Aww, you got an owie?
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Where does it hurt, shorty?
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Right here.
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I need a big bird.
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You need a big bird?
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Alright, here we go.
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Big bird bandage
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to the rescue.
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Alright.
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Where does it hurt again?
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Right here.
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Correct me if I'm wrong
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but didn't that
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owie just jump arms?
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Owies are very tricky.
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[theme music]
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♪ Ah ah ah ah ♪
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♪ Ah ♪
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♪ Whatever happened
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to predictability ♪
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♪ The milkman
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the paper boy ♪
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♪ Evenin' TV ♪
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♪ When did I get to livin' here
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somebody tell me please ♪
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♪ This whole world's
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confusing me ♪
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♪ Clouds as mean
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as you've ever seen ♪
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♪ Ain't a bird
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who knows your tune ♪
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♪ Then a little voice
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inside you whispers ♪
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♪ Kid don't sell your dreams so
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soon ♪
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♪ Everywhere you look
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everywhere you look ♪
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♪ There's a heart ♪
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♪ There's a heart ♪
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♪ A hand to hold onto ♪
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♪ Everywhere you look
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everywhere you look ♪
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♪ There's a face
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of somebody who needs you ♪
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♪ Everywhere you look ♪
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♪ When you're lost out there
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and you're all alone ♪
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♪ A light is waiting
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to carry you home ♪
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♪ Everywhere you look ♪
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♪ Everywhere you look ♪
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♪ Ah ah ah ah ♪
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♪ Shooby-do-ba-botta ♪♪
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[telephone ringing]
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Sit right here,
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and I'll get the phone.
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Talk to me.
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Yeah, hang on.
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Joey!
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(Joey)
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'I'm busy.'
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It's your agent!
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Three, two, one.
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Eddie.
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Yeah, what's up?
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Uh-huh.
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You're kidding!
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Hold on.
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Jess, great news.
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The Aronson chimps
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are infested with lice.
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But wait.
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There's more, see.
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There's this big charity
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benefit in Las Vegas
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and thanks to the lice,
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I'm taking the chimps' place.
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Just don't
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use their comb.
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Right.
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Eddie? Yeah.
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I'll be on the next plane.
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Really?
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Aw, thanks.
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Yes!
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Oh, this is, this is
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the happiest day of my life.
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You guys wanna be alone?
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No. You came
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at a great time.
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Danny, tomorrow night
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I'm playing Vegas.
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Joey, that's great.
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Way to go, dude.
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What's Vegas?
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Joey, you're playing Vegas.
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That's always been your dream.
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Not counting the one about
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the Charlie's Angels' reunion.
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Not only am I making
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my Las Vegas debut
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but I'm opening
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for Wayne Newton.
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- Oh, yeah.
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- I gotta go pack.
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I'll go with you.
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Tell me more about Wayne.
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Hey, you know,
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Wayne knew Elvis.
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(Danny)
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'Really?'
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Hey, what's happening, Michelle?
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Joey's opening
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a Fig Newton in Vegas.
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What did you say?
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And the monkeys have lice.
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Michelle, I think you're
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a little mixed up.
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No, I'm very mixed up.
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Joey, allow me the pleasure of
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folding these for you, okay?
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Hey, Joey, are you
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going to Las Vegas?
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Yep, I'm flying in
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for a rehearsal tonight.
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Some monkeys got lice, and I'm
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opening for Wayne Newton.
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Is that what I said?
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Hey, dad, could we
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go see Joey in Las Vegas?
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Please, please, please.
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I've never wanted anything more
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in my short little life. Please.
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- Steph, way too overdramatic.
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- You're right.
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So, we going
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or what?
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Let's see, we've seen
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the towering Redwoods
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and the majestic Grand Canyon.
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What the heck,
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we might as well go see
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the world's largest
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slot machine, huh?
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Uh, thank you.
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This is the big time.
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You better call your mom.
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I'm sure my mom would love to
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come and see me but she can't.
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She's goofy.
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Joey, that's a terrible thing
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to say about your mother.
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No, no, I mean, she's really
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Goofy, at Disneyworld.
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Nah, she,
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she wears the big hat
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the floppy shoes.
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Kids love her.
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Okay, so your mom's
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in a dog suit?
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Why don't you invite your dad,
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or is he Ronald McDonald?
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You know? It'd be so great
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if my dad could come.
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You know, the Colonel's
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never seen my stand-up act.
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Nah, he probably
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couldn't make it.
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Did I pack my
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lucky tube socks?
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I've got a great idea.
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I love it
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when you talk sneaky.
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Joey, invite your dad.
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I've known you
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four years
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I still haven't
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met the guy yet.
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The truth is, ever since
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my folks split up
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we just don't
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get along, okay?
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So let's just drop it.
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Come on you guys,
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this is a big shot for me.
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I've gotta focus
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on my comedy.
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Hey, speaking of that,
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maybe this can help you.
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I just heard a brand new joke.
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It's a great one, okay.
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An Eskimo, a Viking,
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and a Scotsman walk into a bar.
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Wait a minute,
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maybe it was a tanning salon.
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It doesn't matter.
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Anyway, there's this fourth guy.
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Or was it Leprechaun?
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I don't know.
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'I think he was green.
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I'm not sure.'
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'Anyway, you got the picture.
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He's like balding on top.'
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He's not home.
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It's his answering machine.
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Hello,
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Colonel Gladstone.
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This is Joey Gladstone's
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personal secretary
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Uh..
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Janet...Abdul.
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Joey asked me to invite you
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to Las Vegas tomorrow night
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where he will be appearing
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with Wayne Newton.
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He really, really, really
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wants you to be there.
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Stephanie, if I'm his personal
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secretary
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who the heck are you?
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Hello, this is his other
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personal secretary.
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Uh..
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Barbie-Doll
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and..
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And Bear.
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Barbie-Doll-and-Bear.
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Thank you, Barbie.
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Hope to see you there,
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Colonel Gladstone.
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Next time, let me do the
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talking, Ms. Doll-and-Bear.
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Lighten up, Ms. Abdul.
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[Elvis Presley singing
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"Viva Las Vegas"]
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♪ Bright light city
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gonna set my soul ♪
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♪ Gonna set my soul on fire ♪
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♪ Viva Las Vegas
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viva Las Vegas ♪♪
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Yes.
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[laughing]
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You guys.
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- Joey.
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- Wow.
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[indistinct chattering]
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Let's get a shot
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of everybody.
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- Hi.
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- Hi.
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Look at all these people
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lined up to see Joey.
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I think Wayne Newton may have
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a tiny bit to do with it.
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Guys, you gotta check this out.
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Save our place, please.
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Thank you for your cooperation.
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Nice ring.
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This is it.
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This is the shrine to Elvis.
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Alright,
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this is his jump suit
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guitar, a whole statue.
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This is great, girls. I remember
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the first time I saw Elvis.
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Steph, I was your age.
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And I'm sitting in the audience.
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I feel the energy
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and the excitement
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and then the music
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started, alright..
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♪ Bom bom bom bom ♪
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♪ Ba-da ♪
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Alright and the drums
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boom, boom, boom, boom.
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The band kicked in..
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Dhoom, dhoom, bah, bah-bah.
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He did the kneel thing.
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Killed me. Bah, bah-bah.
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Backwards walk,
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always backwards.
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Bah-bah, like this, see?
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Is he gonna sing
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an Elvis song
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in front of
295
00:08:24,254 --> 00:08:26,881
all these people?
296
00:08:26,923 --> 00:08:30,177
I see his lip
297
00:08:26,923 --> 00:08:30,177
starting to curl.
298
00:08:30,218 --> 00:08:32,720
Then he got up,
299
00:08:30,218 --> 00:08:32,720
spotlight hit him.
300
00:08:32,762 --> 00:08:34,889
♪ Well, since
301
00:08:32,762 --> 00:08:34,889
my baby left me ♪
302
00:08:34,931 --> 00:08:37,558
♪ I found a new place
303
00:08:34,931 --> 00:08:37,558
to dwell ♪
304
00:08:37,600 --> 00:08:40,979
♪ It's down at the end of lonely
305
00:08:37,600 --> 00:08:40,979
street at Heartbreak Hotel ♪
306
00:08:41,021 --> 00:08:42,189
Everybody sing along.
307
00:08:42,230 --> 00:08:44,524
♪ I get so lonely baby ♪
308
00:08:44,565 --> 00:08:46,734
♪ I get so lonely ♪
309
00:08:46,776 --> 00:08:49,946
♪ I get so lonely
310
00:08:46,776 --> 00:08:49,946
I could die ♪♪
311
00:08:49,988 --> 00:08:51,739
(crowd)
312
00:08:49,988 --> 00:08:51,739
Yeah.
313
00:08:56,077 --> 00:08:57,287
[Danny impersonating Elvis]
314
00:08:56,077 --> 00:08:57,287
Thank you very much, Jesse.
315
00:09:03,377 --> 00:09:05,212
Did you guys hear that?
316
00:09:05,253 --> 00:09:07,381
Of course, I heard it, boy.
317
00:09:05,253 --> 00:09:07,381
I just said it.
318
00:09:09,674 --> 00:09:11,051
Don't be cruel.
319
00:09:11,092 --> 00:09:12,802
[knock on door]
320
00:09:12,844 --> 00:09:15,596
I'll be right there.
321
00:09:12,844 --> 00:09:15,596
I'm coming, I'm coming.
322
00:09:15,638 --> 00:09:16,848
It's a big room.
323
00:09:18,016 --> 00:09:19,184
Joey Gladstone fan club.
324
00:09:19,226 --> 00:09:21,269
- Hey. Come on in, you guys.
325
00:09:19,226 --> 00:09:21,269
- Whoa.
326
00:09:21,311 --> 00:09:23,855
Ooh.
327
00:09:23,897 --> 00:09:27,401
Wow, very impressive.
328
00:09:23,897 --> 00:09:27,401
Big wet bar.
329
00:09:27,442 --> 00:09:28,818
Classy Vegas furniture.
330
00:09:30,320 --> 00:09:32,280
Nice big bowl of bananas?
331
00:09:32,322 --> 00:09:34,824
Those were for the chimps.
332
00:09:34,866 --> 00:09:35,909
How's the crowd out there?
333
00:09:35,950 --> 00:09:37,744
The place is packed.
334
00:09:37,785 --> 00:09:38,870
They were all chanting
335
00:09:38,912 --> 00:09:41,748
"We want Wayne.
336
00:09:38,912 --> 00:09:41,748
We want Wayne."
337
00:09:42,874 --> 00:09:46,127
"Right after Joey.
338
00:09:42,874 --> 00:09:46,127
Right after Joey."
339
00:09:46,169 --> 00:09:47,670
Hey, listen guys,
340
00:09:46,169 --> 00:09:47,670
it's almost show time
341
00:09:47,712 --> 00:09:49,464
and I'm sweating like
342
00:09:47,712 --> 00:09:49,464
an aardvark in a sauna.
343
00:09:49,506 --> 00:09:51,591
I'm gonna go blow-dry my shirt.
344
00:09:49,506 --> 00:09:51,591
I'll be right back.
345
00:09:55,554 --> 00:09:57,347
D.J., should we save
346
00:09:55,554 --> 00:09:57,347
an extra seat
347
00:09:57,389 --> 00:09:58,890
at the table
348
00:09:57,389 --> 00:09:58,890
for Joey's dad?
349
00:09:58,932 --> 00:10:00,641
"Joey's dad?"
350
00:10:00,683 --> 00:10:02,519
Well, it was supposed
351
00:10:00,683 --> 00:10:02,519
to be a surprise.
352
00:10:02,561 --> 00:10:05,897
We left a message for Joey's dad
353
00:10:02,561 --> 00:10:05,897
inviting him to the show.
354
00:10:05,939 --> 00:10:07,566
Girls, you shouldn't have called
355
00:10:05,939 --> 00:10:07,566
Colonel Gladstone
356
00:10:07,607 --> 00:10:09,067
without my permission.
357
00:10:09,109 --> 00:10:12,237
Joey and his dad are
358
00:10:09,109 --> 00:10:12,237
like oil and vinegar.
359
00:10:12,279 --> 00:10:14,322
No, that would be
360
00:10:12,279 --> 00:10:14,322
salad dressing.
361
00:10:14,364 --> 00:10:16,366
They're more like
362
00:10:14,364 --> 00:10:16,366
oil and mayonnaise.
363
00:10:16,408 --> 00:10:19,578
Actually, there is
364
00:10:16,408 --> 00:10:19,578
oil in mayonnaise.
365
00:10:19,619 --> 00:10:22,414
Let me save us an hour.
366
00:10:22,456 --> 00:10:24,124
Joey and his dad
367
00:10:22,456 --> 00:10:24,124
don't get along.
368
00:10:26,376 --> 00:10:28,628
I'm cool, I'm dry
369
00:10:26,376 --> 00:10:28,628
and my chest hair
370
00:10:28,669 --> 00:10:29,754
has never been fluffier.
371
00:10:29,796 --> 00:10:31,214
[knock on door]
372
00:10:31,256 --> 00:10:33,716
I got it. This is
373
00:10:31,256 --> 00:10:33,716
my favorite part, you guys.
374
00:10:33,758 --> 00:10:35,552
This is where the stage
375
00:10:33,758 --> 00:10:35,552
manager comes in and says
376
00:10:35,594 --> 00:10:37,678
"Two minutes till show time,
377
00:10:35,594 --> 00:10:37,678
Mr. Gladstone."
378
00:10:40,014 --> 00:10:41,182
Hello, Joseph.
379
00:10:42,058 --> 00:10:44,060
Dad.
380
00:10:49,274 --> 00:10:50,691
Dad, what are you
381
00:10:49,274 --> 00:10:50,691
doing here?
382
00:10:50,733 --> 00:10:53,069
I got a message
383
00:10:50,733 --> 00:10:53,069
you really, really
384
00:10:53,111 --> 00:10:55,029
really wanted me here.
385
00:10:55,071 --> 00:10:58,366
- He did?
386
00:10:55,071 --> 00:10:58,366
- I thought it was rather cute.
387
00:10:58,408 --> 00:11:00,910
Having your personal
388
00:10:58,408 --> 00:11:00,910
secretaries call.
389
00:11:00,952 --> 00:11:04,831
Now, there was
390
00:11:00,952 --> 00:11:04,831
a Ms. Janet Abdul.
391
00:11:04,872 --> 00:11:09,002
Well, outside of the office
392
00:11:04,872 --> 00:11:09,002
they call me D.J.
393
00:11:09,043 --> 00:11:11,879
And there was
394
00:11:09,043 --> 00:11:11,879
Barbie Doll-and-Bear.
395
00:11:14,341 --> 00:11:18,428
Joseph, I'm getting the feeling
396
00:11:14,341 --> 00:11:18,428
you had no idea I was coming.
397
00:11:18,470 --> 00:11:22,474
- Well, dad, uh..
398
00:11:18,470 --> 00:11:22,474
- It was my idea.
399
00:11:22,516 --> 00:11:24,851
I'm sorry, it was supposed
400
00:11:22,516 --> 00:11:24,851
to be a fun surprise.
401
00:11:25,977 --> 00:11:29,356
Well, you
402
00:11:25,977 --> 00:11:29,356
fun-surprised me.
403
00:11:29,397 --> 00:11:32,275
Uh, dad, you remember
404
00:11:29,397 --> 00:11:32,275
Danny, don't you?
405
00:11:32,317 --> 00:11:36,321
Right, the skinny kid
406
00:11:32,317 --> 00:11:36,321
with the clean shoes.
407
00:11:36,363 --> 00:11:39,199
You were my inspiration, sir.
408
00:11:36,363 --> 00:11:39,199
Spit and polish.
409
00:11:39,240 --> 00:11:40,867
Although here's
410
00:11:39,240 --> 00:11:40,867
a helpful hint
411
00:11:40,908 --> 00:11:44,245
with a little more polish
412
00:11:40,908 --> 00:11:44,245
you can avoid the icky spit.
413
00:11:45,246 --> 00:11:46,956
Thanks, Danny.
414
00:11:46,998 --> 00:11:50,043
Uh, this is my friend
415
00:11:46,998 --> 00:11:50,043
and business partner
416
00:11:50,084 --> 00:11:51,545
Jesse Katsopolis.
417
00:11:51,586 --> 00:11:53,838
Nice to meet you, son.
418
00:11:53,880 --> 00:11:55,382
Put on a tie.
419
00:11:55,423 --> 00:11:57,091
Nice to meet you, sir.
420
00:11:57,133 --> 00:11:58,259
No.
421
00:12:00,512 --> 00:12:03,014
Girls, why don't we let Joey
422
00:12:00,512 --> 00:12:03,014
and his dad get reacquainted?
423
00:12:03,056 --> 00:12:05,392
Let's get to our table
424
00:12:03,056 --> 00:12:05,392
before we miss Joey's show.
425
00:12:05,433 --> 00:12:07,227
But Joey's right here.
426
00:12:07,268 --> 00:12:09,437
Good point, I'll think
427
00:12:07,268 --> 00:12:09,437
of a better excuse on the way.
428
00:12:14,693 --> 00:12:16,861
Dad, this is so great.
429
00:12:14,693 --> 00:12:16,861
I can't believe you're here.
430
00:12:16,903 --> 00:12:19,155
I can't believe
431
00:12:16,903 --> 00:12:19,155
I'm here, either.
432
00:12:19,197 --> 00:12:21,866
Especially, since you
433
00:12:19,197 --> 00:12:21,866
didn't invite me.
434
00:12:21,908 --> 00:12:24,327
Well you can't blame me for
435
00:12:21,908 --> 00:12:24,327
thinking you wouldn't come.
436
00:12:24,369 --> 00:12:26,037
I mean, I've been doing
437
00:12:24,369 --> 00:12:26,037
standup for 11 years
438
00:12:26,079 --> 00:12:27,539
and you've never seen me work.
439
00:12:27,581 --> 00:12:30,709
[scoffs]
440
00:12:27,581 --> 00:12:30,709
You call telling jokes work?
441
00:12:30,749 --> 00:12:32,168
Joseph, you're
442
00:12:30,749 --> 00:12:32,168
a smart young man
443
00:12:32,210 --> 00:12:33,503
you could've gone
444
00:12:32,210 --> 00:12:33,503
to West point.
445
00:12:33,545 --> 00:12:35,422
Done something important
446
00:12:33,545 --> 00:12:35,422
with your life.
447
00:12:35,463 --> 00:12:39,300
What's important to me is what
448
00:12:35,463 --> 00:12:39,300
I'm doing right now, dad.
449
00:12:39,342 --> 00:12:41,344
I'm making people laugh.
450
00:12:41,386 --> 00:12:43,680
I'm running my own
451
00:12:41,386 --> 00:12:43,680
production company.
452
00:12:43,722 --> 00:12:45,724
I'm helping Danny
453
00:12:43,722 --> 00:12:45,724
raise his three kids
454
00:12:45,764 --> 00:12:47,475
and let me tell
455
00:12:45,764 --> 00:12:47,475
you something.
456
00:12:47,517 --> 00:12:49,768
I will never miss one of
457
00:12:47,517 --> 00:12:49,768
their dance recitals
458
00:12:49,810 --> 00:12:52,272
and I'll never miss one
459
00:12:49,810 --> 00:12:52,272
of their soccer games.
460
00:12:54,608 --> 00:12:57,985
That kind of stuff
461
00:12:54,608 --> 00:12:57,985
never mattered to you.
462
00:12:58,027 --> 00:12:59,404
Are you finished?
463
00:13:00,905 --> 00:13:02,781
No.
464
00:13:02,823 --> 00:13:04,284
Dad, you missed
465
00:13:02,823 --> 00:13:04,284
my winning goal
466
00:13:04,325 --> 00:13:07,078
at the junior
467
00:13:04,325 --> 00:13:07,078
hockey tournament.
468
00:13:07,120 --> 00:13:08,787
You never saw me
469
00:13:07,120 --> 00:13:08,787
play the elf
470
00:13:08,829 --> 00:13:11,040
in my third grade
471
00:13:08,829 --> 00:13:11,040
Christmas play.
472
00:13:11,082 --> 00:13:13,501
It is too bad 'cause
473
00:13:11,082 --> 00:13:13,501
I made one heck of an elf.
474
00:13:13,543 --> 00:13:16,879
I was the De Niro
475
00:13:13,543 --> 00:13:16,879
of elves, dad.
476
00:13:16,921 --> 00:13:18,256
Are you finished now?
477
00:13:19,798 --> 00:13:21,468
Yeah.
478
00:13:21,509 --> 00:13:24,763
I gotta admit it felt good
479
00:13:21,509 --> 00:13:24,763
to get that off my chest.
480
00:13:24,803 --> 00:13:27,223
I'm glad your little outburst
481
00:13:24,803 --> 00:13:27,223
made you feel better.
482
00:13:29,684 --> 00:13:31,018
Goodbye, Joseph.
483
00:13:36,941 --> 00:13:40,236
(male #1 on speaker)
484
00:13:36,941 --> 00:13:40,236
'Ladies and gentlemen,
485
00:13:36,941 --> 00:13:40,236
Joey Gladstone.'
486
00:13:40,278 --> 00:13:42,322
[crowd cheering]
487
00:13:45,908 --> 00:13:47,826
[imitating Popeye]
488
00:13:45,908 --> 00:13:47,826
Whoa.
489
00:13:47,868 --> 00:13:50,330
Well, blow me down.
490
00:13:50,371 --> 00:13:53,832
[laughing]
491
00:13:53,874 --> 00:13:57,671
Thank you, thank you.
492
00:13:53,874 --> 00:13:57,671
Oh, come on, now.
493
00:13:57,712 --> 00:14:00,965
Oh, come on, now.
494
00:13:57,712 --> 00:14:00,965
Cut it out.
495
00:14:01,007 --> 00:14:04,218
Quit it.
496
00:14:01,007 --> 00:14:04,218
Come on.
497
00:14:04,260 --> 00:14:06,513
Well, quit it.
498
00:14:04,260 --> 00:14:06,513
Come on, now.
499
00:14:06,554 --> 00:14:08,515
Thank you very much,
500
00:14:06,554 --> 00:14:08,515
ladies and gentlemen.
501
00:14:08,556 --> 00:14:10,517
This is my first time
502
00:14:08,556 --> 00:14:10,517
playing Las Vegas.
503
00:14:10,558 --> 00:14:12,018
Boy, what a town.
504
00:14:12,059 --> 00:14:14,729
In the same night you can
505
00:14:12,059 --> 00:14:14,729
get married, divorced
506
00:14:14,771 --> 00:14:16,397
lose your entire life savings
507
00:14:16,439 --> 00:14:18,692
and still go home happy
508
00:14:16,439 --> 00:14:18,692
because, hey
509
00:14:18,733 --> 00:14:21,194
you had that 19 cent
510
00:14:18,733 --> 00:14:21,194
shrimp cocktail, you know?
511
00:14:21,235 --> 00:14:22,945
[crowd laughing]
512
00:14:25,198 --> 00:14:28,326
Thank you. Oh, come on.
513
00:14:25,198 --> 00:14:28,326
Cut it out. Quit it.
514
00:14:30,161 --> 00:14:31,996
So, let's see,
515
00:14:30,161 --> 00:14:31,996
why am I here?
516
00:14:32,038 --> 00:14:35,124
Uh, oh, comedy. Sorry, I kinda
517
00:14:32,038 --> 00:14:35,124
lost my train of thought.
518
00:14:35,166 --> 00:14:38,586
I just had a long talk
519
00:14:35,166 --> 00:14:38,586
with my dad backstage.
520
00:14:38,628 --> 00:14:41,798
Don't get a chance to see
521
00:14:38,628 --> 00:14:41,798
my dad too much these days.
522
00:14:41,840 --> 00:14:43,424
He was a military man.
523
00:14:43,466 --> 00:14:45,802
It's kinda strange growing up
524
00:14:43,466 --> 00:14:45,802
when your father is a..
525
00:14:45,844 --> 00:14:47,011
...person in the military.
526
00:14:47,053 --> 00:14:48,513
And I remember
527
00:14:47,053 --> 00:14:48,513
when I was 6 months old
528
00:14:48,555 --> 00:14:49,889
he sent me off to booty camp.
529
00:14:49,930 --> 00:14:51,974
That was kind of fun.
530
00:14:52,016 --> 00:14:54,352
Yeah, I learned to crawl
531
00:14:52,016 --> 00:14:54,352
under a barbed wire.
532
00:14:54,394 --> 00:14:56,896
Yeah, that was kinda,
533
00:14:54,394 --> 00:14:56,896
kind of weird.
534
00:14:56,937 --> 00:14:58,523
Had that little
535
00:14:56,937 --> 00:14:58,523
camouflaged diaper.
536
00:14:58,565 --> 00:15:01,442
That was kind of cute.
537
00:15:01,484 --> 00:15:03,986
Yeah, I remember he took us
538
00:15:01,484 --> 00:15:03,986
on our first family vacation.
539
00:15:04,028 --> 00:15:07,281
It was a cross-country trip
540
00:15:04,028 --> 00:15:07,281
and it was a tough march
541
00:15:07,323 --> 00:15:09,450
with that 40-pound pack.
542
00:15:07,323 --> 00:15:09,450
You know, man?
543
00:15:11,411 --> 00:15:14,873
I remember everybody in our
544
00:15:11,411 --> 00:15:14,873
family had to get brush-cuts
545
00:15:14,914 --> 00:15:15,998
even grandma.
546
00:15:16,040 --> 00:15:17,876
'Yeah, that was..'
547
00:15:17,917 --> 00:15:20,044
Boy, poor gram,
548
00:15:17,917 --> 00:15:20,044
she hated playing bingo
549
00:15:20,086 --> 00:15:21,629
with that half-inch
550
00:15:20,086 --> 00:15:21,629
of blue hair, you know?
551
00:15:21,671 --> 00:15:23,840
It was uh..
552
00:15:21,671 --> 00:15:23,840
Yeah.
553
00:15:23,882 --> 00:15:25,592
[crowd cheering]
554
00:15:25,633 --> 00:15:29,095
'Oh, come on, now.
555
00:15:25,633 --> 00:15:29,095
Cut it out. Quit it.'
556
00:15:33,057 --> 00:15:36,853
So, I'm a, I'm a single guy,
557
00:15:33,057 --> 00:15:36,853
which is great, but uh..
558
00:15:36,895 --> 00:15:39,980
[girls cheer]
559
00:15:36,895 --> 00:15:39,980
Thank you.
560
00:15:36,895 --> 00:15:39,980
Oh, come on.
561
00:15:40,022 --> 00:15:41,691
Which is great,
562
00:15:40,022 --> 00:15:41,691
being a single guy
563
00:15:41,733 --> 00:15:44,068
but the only problem is
564
00:15:41,733 --> 00:15:44,068
dealing with other single guys.
565
00:15:44,110 --> 00:15:45,278
Especially cool guys, you know.
566
00:15:45,319 --> 00:15:46,738
The kinda guys
567
00:15:45,319 --> 00:15:46,738
I'm talking about.
568
00:15:46,780 --> 00:15:48,782
Guys who actually
569
00:15:46,780 --> 00:15:48,782
wobble their head
570
00:15:48,823 --> 00:15:51,158
'cause they think
571
00:15:48,823 --> 00:15:51,158
it looks cool.
572
00:15:51,200 --> 00:15:54,662
You know these guys,
573
00:15:51,200 --> 00:15:54,662
if you're in a bar, at a party
574
00:15:54,704 --> 00:15:56,372
any kind of mixed
575
00:15:54,704 --> 00:15:56,372
social environment
576
00:15:56,414 --> 00:15:58,165
these are the guys
577
00:15:56,414 --> 00:15:58,165
walking around like this.
578
00:16:04,881 --> 00:16:06,299
You know, whenever
579
00:16:04,881 --> 00:16:06,299
they recognize somebody
580
00:16:06,340 --> 00:16:08,426
they'd always do that
581
00:16:06,340 --> 00:16:08,426
phony gun-point thing.
582
00:16:08,468 --> 00:16:09,636
It's like..
583
00:16:15,934 --> 00:16:17,769
Hey.
584
00:16:17,811 --> 00:16:19,646
How's it going?
585
00:16:19,687 --> 00:16:22,106
What's that?
586
00:16:19,687 --> 00:16:22,106
I'm slime?
587
00:16:22,148 --> 00:16:24,066
Ha, ha, ha.
588
00:16:24,108 --> 00:16:26,360
[crowd cheering]
589
00:16:26,402 --> 00:16:28,154
'I don't, uh..'
590
00:16:31,407 --> 00:16:33,367
I don't think you realize
591
00:16:33,409 --> 00:16:36,454
I'm wobbling my head right now.
592
00:16:36,496 --> 00:16:38,205
Some guys, you know,
593
00:16:36,496 --> 00:16:38,205
they think they're cool.
594
00:16:38,247 --> 00:16:40,416
They don't seem to have that
595
00:16:38,247 --> 00:16:40,416
head coordination down properly.
596
00:16:40,458 --> 00:16:43,127
They're going up to women like
597
00:16:40,458 --> 00:16:43,127
"Hey, how's it going?"
598
00:16:47,548 --> 00:16:49,759
I was in a bar once,
599
00:16:47,548 --> 00:16:49,759
this guy's head flew right off.
600
00:16:49,801 --> 00:16:53,847
I went, "That is the coolest guy
601
00:16:49,801 --> 00:16:53,847
I've ever seen in my life."
602
00:16:53,888 --> 00:16:56,766
Thank you very much,
603
00:16:53,888 --> 00:16:56,766
ladies and gentlemen.
604
00:16:56,808 --> 00:16:58,184
'Thank you.'
605
00:16:58,225 --> 00:17:00,728
'Thank you very much,
606
00:16:58,225 --> 00:17:00,728
Las Vegas.'
607
00:17:00,770 --> 00:17:04,357
Remember, if you see me walking
608
00:17:00,770 --> 00:17:04,357
through the casino, I take tips.
609
00:17:04,398 --> 00:17:07,067
Good night, thank you.
610
00:17:07,109 --> 00:17:10,738
'Thank you.'
611
00:17:10,780 --> 00:17:12,448
'Whoa.'
612
00:17:12,490 --> 00:17:15,242
I did a little better
613
00:17:12,490 --> 00:17:15,242
than I thought. Thank you.
614
00:17:16,577 --> 00:17:18,955
Thank you.
615
00:17:18,997 --> 00:17:20,707
Thank you.
616
00:17:20,748 --> 00:17:22,625
Whoa.
617
00:17:22,667 --> 00:17:24,251
Oh.
618
00:17:24,293 --> 00:17:26,045
Wayne Newton.
619
00:17:26,086 --> 00:17:28,047
Joey Gladstone.
620
00:17:26,086 --> 00:17:28,047
Isn't he fantastic?
621
00:17:28,088 --> 00:17:29,173
Everybody.
622
00:17:32,134 --> 00:17:33,970
I also wanna thank you
623
00:17:32,134 --> 00:17:33,970
for filling in
624
00:17:34,012 --> 00:17:35,304
on such short notice.
625
00:17:35,346 --> 00:17:37,932
Now, I must admit
626
00:17:35,346 --> 00:17:37,932
that you're a lot funnier
627
00:17:37,974 --> 00:17:40,184
than the Aronson Chimps.
628
00:17:40,226 --> 00:17:43,229
And uh, and you left the stage
629
00:17:40,226 --> 00:17:43,229
a lot cleaner, too.
630
00:17:43,270 --> 00:17:45,648
I do apologize.
631
00:17:45,690 --> 00:17:49,736
I apologize for all the bananas
632
00:17:45,690 --> 00:17:49,736
in your dressing room.
633
00:17:49,777 --> 00:17:52,196
So with that in mind,
634
00:17:49,777 --> 00:17:52,196
let me say...
635
00:17:52,238 --> 00:17:54,741
♪ Danke Schoen ♪
636
00:17:54,782 --> 00:17:56,826
♪ Joey Danke Schoen ♪
637
00:17:56,868 --> 00:17:59,871
[crowd cheering]
638
00:17:59,913 --> 00:18:01,414
Help me out,
639
00:17:59,913 --> 00:18:01,414
help me out.
640
00:18:01,455 --> 00:18:07,169
♪ Thank you for
641
00:18:01,455 --> 00:18:07,169
all the joy and pain ♪
642
00:18:07,211 --> 00:18:10,506
♪ Danke Schoen
643
00:18:07,211 --> 00:18:10,506
to my new pal Wayne ♪
644
00:18:10,548 --> 00:18:13,509
♪ Hey I'm insane
645
00:18:10,548 --> 00:18:13,509
Wayne you're to blame ♪
646
00:18:13,551 --> 00:18:16,387
♪ Danke Schoen
647
00:18:13,551 --> 00:18:16,387
hey Danke Schoen ♪♪
648
00:18:16,429 --> 00:18:19,348
Ease up.
649
00:18:16,429 --> 00:18:19,348
Ease up. Ease up.
650
00:18:19,390 --> 00:18:21,642
Uh, I'm sorry.
651
00:18:21,684 --> 00:18:23,895
Sorry um..
652
00:18:23,937 --> 00:18:25,396
Sorry, Mr. Newton, sir.
653
00:18:25,438 --> 00:18:27,440
I guess, I got a little carried
654
00:18:25,438 --> 00:18:27,440
away there.
655
00:18:27,481 --> 00:18:29,901
- Don't worry about it.
656
00:18:27,481 --> 00:18:29,901
- Let's take it from the top.
657
00:18:29,943 --> 00:18:31,611
♪ Danke Schoen ♪♪
658
00:18:31,652 --> 00:18:35,531
Let's say goodnight
659
00:18:31,652 --> 00:18:35,531
and a big round of applause.
660
00:18:35,573 --> 00:18:37,033
- Thank you.
661
00:18:35,573 --> 00:18:37,033
- Joey Gladstone.
662
00:18:37,075 --> 00:18:40,912
Thank you, Mr. Newton.
663
00:18:37,075 --> 00:18:40,912
Thank you. Goodnight.
664
00:18:40,954 --> 00:18:43,372
I love you Las Vegas,
665
00:18:40,954 --> 00:18:43,372
thank you.
666
00:18:43,414 --> 00:18:45,249
[crowd cheering]
667
00:18:45,291 --> 00:18:47,376
[upbeat music]
668
00:18:55,927 --> 00:18:59,097
An apple juice toast
669
00:18:55,927 --> 00:18:59,097
to my main man and yours
670
00:18:59,138 --> 00:19:01,557
the very lovely
671
00:18:59,138 --> 00:19:01,557
and talented
672
00:19:01,599 --> 00:19:04,936
Joey Gladstone.
673
00:19:04,978 --> 00:19:07,563
We've gotta get her
674
00:19:04,978 --> 00:19:07,563
out of Vegas.
675
00:19:07,605 --> 00:19:08,815
To Joey.
676
00:19:08,856 --> 00:19:11,275
(all)
677
00:19:08,856 --> 00:19:11,275
'Joey.'
678
00:19:11,317 --> 00:19:14,403
Ah, what a night. I finally
679
00:19:11,317 --> 00:19:14,403
played Vegas, I was a big hit.
680
00:19:14,445 --> 00:19:18,699
And I actually sang
681
00:19:14,445 --> 00:19:18,699
on stage with Wayne Newton.
682
00:19:18,741 --> 00:19:20,534
It was quite a night.
683
00:19:20,576 --> 00:19:25,081
- Dad, you're still here?
684
00:19:20,576 --> 00:19:25,081
- May I have a word with my son?
685
00:19:25,123 --> 00:19:26,248
You know, we should celebrate.
686
00:19:26,290 --> 00:19:27,625
After all, this is Las Vegas
687
00:19:27,667 --> 00:19:29,669
the most exciting city
688
00:19:27,667 --> 00:19:29,669
in the world.
689
00:19:29,710 --> 00:19:31,587
There's gotta be a miniature
690
00:19:29,710 --> 00:19:31,587
golf course open somewhere.
691
00:19:36,676 --> 00:19:40,304
Gotta work on that windmill shot
692
00:19:36,676 --> 00:19:40,304
of mine. I'm a little..
693
00:19:45,893 --> 00:19:49,522
- Dad, you saw my show?
694
00:19:45,893 --> 00:19:49,522
- Yes, I did.
695
00:19:49,563 --> 00:19:51,482
You heard all those
696
00:19:49,563 --> 00:19:51,482
jokes I made about you?
697
00:19:51,524 --> 00:19:53,985
Some of them were
698
00:19:51,524 --> 00:19:53,985
actually funny.
699
00:19:54,027 --> 00:19:56,904
- You laughed?
700
00:19:54,027 --> 00:19:56,904
- I will...later.
701
00:19:59,657 --> 00:20:01,367
Right now, we need to talk.
702
00:20:03,202 --> 00:20:07,081
I thought about
703
00:20:03,202 --> 00:20:07,081
what you said earlier.
704
00:20:07,123 --> 00:20:10,501
Even though your mother
705
00:20:07,123 --> 00:20:10,501
and I were divorced
706
00:20:10,543 --> 00:20:15,006
I should've been around more
707
00:20:10,543 --> 00:20:15,006
while you were growing up.
708
00:20:15,048 --> 00:20:17,466
Joseph, it wasn't easy
709
00:20:15,048 --> 00:20:17,466
being stationed
710
00:20:17,508 --> 00:20:19,135
in some godforsaken place
711
00:20:19,177 --> 00:20:21,595
and getting my monthly reports
712
00:20:19,177 --> 00:20:21,595
that you were goofing off
713
00:20:21,637 --> 00:20:24,682
and demonstrating
714
00:20:21,637 --> 00:20:24,682
a complete lack of discipline.
715
00:20:26,392 --> 00:20:30,563
When I came home, I felt you
716
00:20:26,392 --> 00:20:30,563
needed structure and authority.
717
00:20:30,604 --> 00:20:32,606
Not a pal.
718
00:20:32,648 --> 00:20:35,317
- I could've used a pal.
719
00:20:32,648 --> 00:20:35,317
- Me, too.
720
00:20:37,070 --> 00:20:39,113
I think we could've
721
00:20:37,070 --> 00:20:39,113
been great buddies.
722
00:20:40,740 --> 00:20:43,868
After all, you do have
723
00:20:40,740 --> 00:20:43,868
my sense of humor.
724
00:20:46,662 --> 00:20:49,373
Uh, no disrespect
725
00:20:46,662 --> 00:20:49,373
intended, dad
726
00:20:49,415 --> 00:20:52,251
but you aren't exactly
727
00:20:49,415 --> 00:20:52,251
Mr. Funny-pants.
728
00:20:52,292 --> 00:20:54,545
Well, that's not true.
729
00:20:54,587 --> 00:20:57,548
Don't you remember when you
730
00:20:54,587 --> 00:20:57,548
were three and had chicken pox?
731
00:20:57,590 --> 00:20:59,884
We watched cartoons
732
00:20:57,590 --> 00:20:59,884
together for two weeks.
733
00:20:59,926 --> 00:21:01,552
You watched cartoons?
734
00:21:01,594 --> 00:21:04,304
Who do you think taught you
735
00:21:01,594 --> 00:21:04,304
how to do Popeye?
736
00:21:04,346 --> 00:21:06,224
[laughs like Popeye]
737
00:21:08,726 --> 00:21:10,477
Well, blow me down.
738
00:21:13,272 --> 00:21:15,149
I'm really glad
739
00:21:13,272 --> 00:21:15,149
you came tonight, dad.
740
00:21:16,234 --> 00:21:17,777
Me, too, son.
741
00:21:19,070 --> 00:21:21,906
I was proud of you.
742
00:21:21,948 --> 00:21:24,867
Thanks, dad.
743
00:21:24,909 --> 00:21:26,827
You know, I..
744
00:21:26,869 --> 00:21:29,747
...I wish we could've
745
00:21:26,869 --> 00:21:29,747
had this night a long time ago.
746
00:21:29,789 --> 00:21:34,168
Well...maybe we can make
747
00:21:29,789 --> 00:21:34,168
a fresh start now.
748
00:21:36,170 --> 00:21:38,005
I love you, dad.
749
00:21:39,132 --> 00:21:41,008
I love you, too, son.
750
00:21:43,343 --> 00:21:45,179
Come here.
751
00:21:50,977 --> 00:21:55,522
You know, dad,
752
00:21:50,977 --> 00:21:55,522
that Popeye laugh that you did?
753
00:21:55,564 --> 00:21:57,524
It really, it wasn't good.
754
00:21:59,277 --> 00:22:00,402
I mean, it's close.
755
00:22:00,444 --> 00:22:02,155
You just need
756
00:22:00,444 --> 00:22:02,155
a little work, you know
757
00:22:02,196 --> 00:22:06,200
on the "Ha-ka-ka-ka"
758
00:22:02,196 --> 00:22:06,200
on the Adam's apple there.
759
00:22:06,242 --> 00:22:08,077
Ha-ka-ka-ka.
760
00:22:08,119 --> 00:22:10,079
Yeah, then you just
761
00:22:08,119 --> 00:22:10,079
throw in a "Whoa."
762
00:22:10,121 --> 00:22:11,330
- Whoa.
763
00:22:10,121 --> 00:22:11,330
- Whoa.
764
00:22:11,371 --> 00:22:13,624
- Ha-ka-ka-ka.
765
00:22:11,371 --> 00:22:13,624
- Yeah, there you go.
766
00:22:34,728 --> 00:22:38,607
♪ Ah ah ah ah ♪
767
00:22:38,649 --> 00:22:40,901
♪ Shooby-do-ba-botta ♪♪