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[theme music]
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- Come on.
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- Perfect.
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Becky, we haven't even set
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a date for the wedding yet
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and you got me
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trying on goofy hats.
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Besides, the guests
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will be disappointed.
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They are coming to see my hair.
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Well, I would like
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a formal wedding
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and I think a top hat
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and tails is very elegant.
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But we can get
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an objective opinion.
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Michelle, what do you
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think of your Uncle Jesse?
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You look very handsome.
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Becky tell you
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to say that?
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Yes, she did.
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And did she
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give you something?
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Yes, she did.
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Alright.
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Here's a buck.
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Tell me what
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you really think.
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You look like
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"The Cat in the Hat."
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I'm not getting married dressed
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like a Dr. Seuss cartoon.
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Besides, a formal wedding
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doesn't coincide
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with my whole
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Viva Las Vegas motif.
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What?
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Hey, it's dark in here.
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You got a fat head.
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You got that right.
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Give me my buck back.
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I still got my lollipop.
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[imitating Michelle]
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"I still got my lollipop."
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[Jesse Frederick singing
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"Everywhere You Look"]
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♪ Ah ah ah ah ♪
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♪ Ah ♪
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♪ Whatever happened
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to predictability ♪
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♪ The milkman
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the paper boy evening TV ♪
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♪ But did I get
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to live it here ♪
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♪ Somebody tell me please ♪
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♪ This old world ♪
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♪ Confusin' me ♪
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♪ Clouds as mean
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as you've ever seen ♪
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♪ In a bird
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who knows your tune ♪
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♪ Then a little voice
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inside you whispers ♪
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♪ Kid don't sell
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your dreams so soon ♪
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♪ Everywhere you look ♪
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♪ Everywhere you look ♪
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♪ There's a heart ♪
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♪ There's a heart ♪
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♪ A hand to hold on to ♪
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♪ Everywhere you look ♪
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♪ There's a face ♪
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♪ Of somebody
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who needs you ♪
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♪ Everywhere you look ♪
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♪ When you're
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lost out there ♪
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♪ And you're all alone ♪
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♪ A light is waitin'
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to carry you home ♪
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♪ Everywhere you look ♪
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♪ Everywhere you look ♪
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♪ Doobie doo
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bah bah dah ♪♪
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[instrumental music]
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[doorbell dings]
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Is it dry cleaning? I'll get it.
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I'll get it. I got it.
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Dry cleaning,
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Mr. Tanner.
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Just the way
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I like it
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Dry..
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...and clean.
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I, uh, got that mustard
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stain out for you.
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You're amazing.
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Tell me how.
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You know how.
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Yeah, but say
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the word. Say it.
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Martinizing.
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Oh, yes.
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This is so much better
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than when Julio
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delivered the cleaning.
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You know, it's hard to believe
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it's been two weeks
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since we first met.
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You walked into
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my cleaning store
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with all of your dirty clothes
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separated in the four
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basic stain groups.
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Ground-in,
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caked-on, soaked-up
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and, ew, gross!
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I better get back.
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I, uh, left Julio
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running the store.
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Cindy, wait a minute.
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Why don't you and your son
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come over for lunch on Saturday?
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I don't know, Danny.
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You see, Rusty's been
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going through an awkward stage
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since my divorce.
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Yeah, but our families
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haven't even met yet.
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Come on, it'll be fun
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it'll be like our own
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little "Brady Bunch" thing.
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'Course, I'm the one
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with the three girls
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all with the hair of gold.
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Oh, but there's no Alice.
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True, but we could put
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Joey in a maid's outfit.
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You know, I used
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to have a shag haircut
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just like Florence Henderson.
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Yeah, well not the hairdo
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in those Wesson Oil commercial.
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Oh, no! But the one
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before, it was kind of a..
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Yeah, it was like
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a ski cap, only with hair.
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- Yeah. Yeah.
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- Right.
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So it's settled?
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Saturday at noon?
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- Okay.
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- Great.
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Oh, Danny, I have been
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dying to tell you something.
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What?
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Hairspray helps
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remove ink stains.
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[grunting]
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I love it when you
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talk clean to me.
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[instrumental music]
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Alright, everybody,
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Cindy and Rusty
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are gonna be here
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any minute.
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Size, places, please.
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Let's go.
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Jesse, please
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stand up straight.
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What is this,
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a Julie Andrews movie?
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Hey, go with it, Jess.
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♪ Doe a deer ♪
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♪ A female deer ♪
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♪ Ray ♪
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♪ A drop of golden sun.. ♪
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Look, I know
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you're all having fun
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but this is really
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important to me.
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♪ Me ♪
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♪ A name I call myself ♪
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This has gone
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too far, I know..
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♪ Far a long long way to run ♪
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♪ Sew a needle
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pulling thread.. ♪♪
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[doorbell dings]
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They're here.
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Look, Cindy's really special
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and I really like her,
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and we really hit it off.
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And no pressure,
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but I really want today
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to be the greatest day
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of my life.
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So let her in.
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Right.
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Cindy, Rusty,
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you made it.
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Hi.
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Did you hear that?
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Isn't she
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the greatest?
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Cindy, Rusty, I'd like
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you to meet the Tanner bunch
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from the tallest
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to the smallest.
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Hi, I'm Danny,
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this is Jesse
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Joey,
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Rebecca
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D.J.,
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Stephanie
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Michelle,
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and that's Comet.
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My daddy like you.
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Oh, that's so sweet.
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Thanks.
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Where's my dollar?
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I don't know where
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she gets this stuff.
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Alright. Come on.
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Chow's on. Follow me.
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♪ Me ♪
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♪ A name I call myself ♪
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♪ Far a long long way to run ♪♪
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I heard the funniest joke
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yesterday.
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A monkey walks
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into a barber shop--
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Oh, that's
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my favorite joke.
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It ends with, um..
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(together)
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...but get your
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hands off my cigar.
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It's even funnier
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with the middle part.
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So, Cindy, did you know
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that Jesse and Rebecca
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are getting married?
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Oh, really?
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That's wonderful. When?
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Well, we haven't
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set a date yet
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but we definitely
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know where.
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- Tennessee.
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- Nebraska.
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Nebraska?
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That's where my family is.
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What's in Tennessee?
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Well, clean air,
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friendly folks..
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[coughs]
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...Graceland!
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Did you just
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cough Graceland?
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Yeah.
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I'm not going
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all the way to Graceland
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to get married in
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some guitar-shaped chapel.
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It's a guitar-shaped
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pool, alright?
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The chapel's
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a giant sideburn.
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[beeper beeping]
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Uh, pardon me.
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I have to call my store.
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So, Rusty,
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what are you into?
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Cub Scouts,
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little league?
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To tell the truth, Mr. Tanner
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I'm kind of, uh, a loner.
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- Pass me the salt, will ya?
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- Yup.
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Thanks.
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Ow!
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That's for unscrewing
285
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the salt shaker, Mr. Maturity.
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It wasn't me.
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I haven't pulled that bit
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since junior high school.
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Okay, high school.
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Alright, it was
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last week at the Sizzler.
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You didn't
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have to hit me.
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Well, I'm really
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sorry, you guys.
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Uh, there's li'l a problem
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down at the store.
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But, uh, we shouldn't be long.
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00:08:25,088 --> 00:08:27,466
- Come on, Rusty.
300
00:08:25,088 --> 00:08:27,466
- Mom, I'm still eating.
301
00:08:27,507 --> 00:08:29,009
Well, we'll take it to go.
302
00:08:29,050 --> 00:08:30,551
Aw, come on, I hardly
303
00:08:29,050 --> 00:08:30,551
got to know the little guy.
304
00:08:30,593 --> 00:08:31,886
Why don't you
305
00:08:30,593 --> 00:08:31,886
go on ahead
306
00:08:31,928 --> 00:08:33,680
and let Rusty
307
00:08:31,928 --> 00:08:33,680
hang out here with us.
308
00:08:34,806 --> 00:08:36,516
Alright.
309
00:08:34,806 --> 00:08:36,516
I shouldn't be long.
310
00:08:36,557 --> 00:08:40,854
Now, Rusty, you be
311
00:08:36,557 --> 00:08:40,854
on your best, best
312
00:08:40,895 --> 00:08:42,397
best behavior.
313
00:08:42,439 --> 00:08:44,691
- I'll be fine, mom.
314
00:08:42,439 --> 00:08:44,691
- Mm-hmm.
315
00:08:45,984 --> 00:08:48,862
- See you all later.
316
00:08:45,984 --> 00:08:48,862
- Buh-bye.
317
00:08:48,903 --> 00:08:52,032
More milk,
318
00:08:48,903 --> 00:08:52,032
please.
319
00:08:52,073 --> 00:08:55,785
Missing, you're missing,
320
00:08:52,073 --> 00:08:55,785
you're missing.
321
00:08:55,827 --> 00:08:57,620
I'll go get a towel.
322
00:09:13,053 --> 00:09:15,555
How did the tablecloth
323
00:09:13,053 --> 00:09:15,555
get tucked in my pants?
324
00:09:17,224 --> 00:09:20,435
I have never put
325
00:09:17,224 --> 00:09:20,435
anything down his pants.
326
00:09:24,189 --> 00:09:27,608
Alright. Once, at the Sizzler.
327
00:09:30,153 --> 00:09:33,031
Daddy, I wasn't finished.
328
00:09:35,450 --> 00:09:38,453
Boy, your mom and my dad
329
00:09:35,450 --> 00:09:38,453
really like each other.
330
00:09:38,495 --> 00:09:40,788
Yeah. Say, you girls
331
00:09:38,495 --> 00:09:40,788
want some gum?
332
00:09:40,830 --> 00:09:42,707
- Sure, thanks.
333
00:09:40,830 --> 00:09:42,707
- Sure, thanks.
334
00:09:42,749 --> 00:09:44,876
Here.
335
00:09:44,918 --> 00:09:47,212
All of the accidents at lunch
336
00:09:44,918 --> 00:09:47,212
were really weird today.
337
00:09:47,254 --> 00:09:50,090
Oh, those weren't accidents,
338
00:09:47,254 --> 00:09:50,090
the salt, the milk
339
00:09:50,131 --> 00:09:54,886
the tablecloth, the gum,
340
00:09:50,131 --> 00:09:54,886
all compliments of the Rustman
341
00:09:54,928 --> 00:09:57,222
master of disaster.
342
00:09:57,264 --> 00:09:59,974
You mean you did
343
00:09:57,264 --> 00:09:59,974
all those mean, horrible..
344
00:10:01,017 --> 00:10:02,561
Did he say gum?
345
00:10:02,602 --> 00:10:04,104
He said gum.
346
00:10:05,564 --> 00:10:06,940
[screaming]
347
00:10:08,649 --> 00:10:11,069
You girls, better
348
00:10:08,649 --> 00:10:11,069
start flossing.
349
00:10:12,362 --> 00:10:14,655
What is your problem, kid?
350
00:10:14,697 --> 00:10:15,823
No problem.
351
00:10:15,865 --> 00:10:17,033
My philosophy is
352
00:10:17,075 --> 00:10:19,827
if you fall for it,
353
00:10:17,075 --> 00:10:19,827
you deserve it.
354
00:10:20,912 --> 00:10:24,291
Well, my philosophy is
355
00:10:20,912 --> 00:10:24,291
I'm telling!
356
00:10:25,333 --> 00:10:26,834
Steph, wait.
357
00:10:26,876 --> 00:10:28,253
Dad really likes Cindy.
358
00:10:28,295 --> 00:10:30,297
And she'll be back
359
00:10:28,295 --> 00:10:30,297
any minute.
360
00:10:30,338 --> 00:10:33,633
So let's just try
361
00:10:30,338 --> 00:10:33,633
to be nice to the little rat.
362
00:10:33,674 --> 00:10:35,176
Okay.
363
00:10:37,471 --> 00:10:39,264
Want some cheese?
364
00:10:40,557 --> 00:10:41,808
Hey, Rusty,
365
00:10:40,557 --> 00:10:41,808
your mom just called.
366
00:10:41,849 --> 00:10:43,268
She's gonna be
367
00:10:41,849 --> 00:10:43,268
stuck at the store
368
00:10:43,310 --> 00:10:44,769
for the rest of the day
369
00:10:43,310 --> 00:10:44,769
and she wanted me
370
00:10:44,811 --> 00:10:46,271
to put you in a cab
371
00:10:44,811 --> 00:10:46,271
and send you down there.
372
00:10:46,313 --> 00:10:48,315
(both)
373
00:10:46,313 --> 00:10:48,315
Aww.
374
00:10:48,356 --> 00:10:50,233
But I told her
375
00:10:48,356 --> 00:10:50,233
we couldn't do it.
376
00:10:50,275 --> 00:10:53,278
Is it the money?
377
00:10:50,275 --> 00:10:53,278
I'll chip in for cab fare.
378
00:10:53,320 --> 00:10:55,572
Take it out
379
00:10:53,320 --> 00:10:55,572
of my college fund.
380
00:10:55,614 --> 00:10:57,240
That's very
381
00:10:55,614 --> 00:10:57,240
generous, girls
382
00:10:57,282 --> 00:10:58,950
but I told Cindy
383
00:10:57,282 --> 00:10:58,950
we really want Rusty
384
00:10:58,992 --> 00:11:00,785
to hang out here
385
00:10:58,992 --> 00:11:00,785
with us, right, girls?
386
00:11:02,829 --> 00:11:04,038
I knew you'd
387
00:11:02,829 --> 00:11:04,038
feel that way.
388
00:11:04,080 --> 00:11:05,165
Come on, Rusty,
389
00:11:04,080 --> 00:11:05,165
what do you say
390
00:11:05,206 --> 00:11:06,207
we go out in the back yard
391
00:11:06,249 --> 00:11:07,250
and play some football?
392
00:11:07,292 --> 00:11:09,336
Sounds like fun, Mr. Tanner.
393
00:11:11,379 --> 00:11:13,465
I'll be back.
394
00:11:20,263 --> 00:11:21,722
You know, Russ, there's
395
00:11:20,263 --> 00:11:21,722
nothing like throwing
396
00:11:21,764 --> 00:11:23,600
around the old pig skin
397
00:11:21,764 --> 00:11:23,600
and get that guy-to-guy
398
00:11:23,642 --> 00:11:24,976
bonding thing goin'.
399
00:11:25,018 --> 00:11:27,312
Okay, I'll be Joe Montana,
400
00:11:25,018 --> 00:11:27,312
you be Jerry Rice.
401
00:11:27,354 --> 00:11:28,938
Could I be Joe Montana,
402
00:11:27,354 --> 00:11:28,938
Mr. Tanner?
403
00:11:28,980 --> 00:11:31,525
He's always been my idol,
404
00:11:28,980 --> 00:11:31,525
before I met you.
405
00:11:32,609 --> 00:11:34,319
Aw, Russ.
406
00:11:35,612 --> 00:11:36,946
Okay. On two.
407
00:11:36,988 --> 00:11:39,574
Ready, set,
408
00:11:36,988 --> 00:11:39,574
hut-1, hut-2.
409
00:11:39,616 --> 00:11:42,369
- Hike!
410
00:11:39,616 --> 00:11:42,369
- Go deep, Mr. Tanner!
411
00:11:42,410 --> 00:11:43,537
'I'm open, Joe!'
412
00:11:43,578 --> 00:11:45,830
Here it comes.
413
00:11:45,872 --> 00:11:47,040
You can get it,
414
00:11:45,872 --> 00:11:47,040
Mr. Tanner!
415
00:11:47,081 --> 00:11:49,292
Run, run!
416
00:11:47,081 --> 00:11:49,292
Dive, dive!
417
00:11:49,334 --> 00:11:50,709
[Danny screaming]
418
00:11:50,751 --> 00:11:52,837
[crashing]
419
00:11:52,879 --> 00:11:55,840
Watch out for that mud puddle!
420
00:12:01,804 --> 00:12:03,181
Too bad.
421
00:12:03,223 --> 00:12:04,599
You almost had it.
422
00:12:06,017 --> 00:12:08,186
You know, mud tastes
423
00:12:06,017 --> 00:12:08,186
worse than it looks.
424
00:12:09,563 --> 00:12:11,814
You mind if I hit
425
00:12:09,563 --> 00:12:11,814
the showers a little early?
426
00:12:11,856 --> 00:12:13,107
Good idea, Mr. Tanner.
427
00:12:13,149 --> 00:12:15,318
I'll get to know
428
00:12:13,149 --> 00:12:15,318
the rest of your family.
429
00:12:15,360 --> 00:12:16,735
Beautiful.
430
00:12:18,112 --> 00:12:19,489
[groaning]
431
00:12:21,700 --> 00:12:24,202
This is great.
432
00:12:21,700 --> 00:12:24,202
You want some stuffy, boring
433
00:12:24,244 --> 00:12:27,163
formal wedding at
434
00:12:24,244 --> 00:12:27,163
a 4-H club in Nebraska.
435
00:12:27,205 --> 00:12:30,417
Oh, and you want some tacky,
436
00:12:27,205 --> 00:12:30,417
rock-a-billy sock hop
437
00:12:30,458 --> 00:12:34,295
at Graceland, the world's
438
00:12:30,458 --> 00:12:34,295
largest souvenir stand.
439
00:12:34,337 --> 00:12:35,838
She didn't mean it.
440
00:12:37,215 --> 00:12:38,757
Alright, listen, if
441
00:12:37,215 --> 00:12:38,757
there's one thing for sure
442
00:12:38,799 --> 00:12:40,218
when the band
443
00:12:38,799 --> 00:12:40,218
plays our wedding song
444
00:12:40,260 --> 00:12:43,012
it has got to be Jailhouse Rock.
445
00:12:43,054 --> 00:12:44,556
You want the first
446
00:12:43,054 --> 00:12:44,556
words we dance to
447
00:12:44,598 --> 00:12:46,057
as husband and wife to be
448
00:12:46,099 --> 00:12:49,185
"Warden threw a party
449
00:12:46,099 --> 00:12:49,185
in the county jail?"
450
00:12:49,227 --> 00:12:51,563
People will choke
451
00:12:49,227 --> 00:12:51,563
on their chicken.
452
00:12:51,605 --> 00:12:53,147
Come on, you don't serve
453
00:12:51,605 --> 00:12:53,147
the chicken
454
00:12:53,189 --> 00:12:54,941
until way
455
00:12:53,189 --> 00:12:54,941
after the wedding dance.
456
00:12:54,982 --> 00:12:57,527
Oh, this is ridiculous
457
00:12:54,982 --> 00:12:57,527
all we do is argue..
458
00:12:57,569 --> 00:12:59,946
- Did you say chicken?
459
00:12:57,569 --> 00:12:59,946
- Yeah, yeah I did.
460
00:12:59,987 --> 00:13:01,281
Me, too.
461
00:13:01,322 --> 00:13:02,949
- We finally agree on something.
462
00:13:01,322 --> 00:13:02,949
- This is it.
463
00:13:02,990 --> 00:13:05,034
This is a start.
464
00:13:02,990 --> 00:13:05,034
We're building here.
465
00:13:05,076 --> 00:13:07,954
We have a foundation
466
00:13:05,076 --> 00:13:07,954
to build our life on.
467
00:13:07,995 --> 00:13:09,122
(in unison)
468
00:13:07,995 --> 00:13:09,122
Chicken.
469
00:13:09,163 --> 00:13:10,707
Becky.
470
00:13:12,875 --> 00:13:15,044
Tongue-town, USA!
471
00:13:16,588 --> 00:13:18,797
Rusty, aren't you supposed
472
00:13:16,588 --> 00:13:18,797
to be playing with Danny?
473
00:13:18,839 --> 00:13:20,467
This is where
474
00:13:18,839 --> 00:13:20,467
the action is.
475
00:13:20,508 --> 00:13:22,594
Hey, hey, hey, don't touch
476
00:13:20,508 --> 00:13:22,594
my hair accouterments, please.
477
00:13:22,636 --> 00:13:26,306
Here. Sit here
478
00:13:22,636 --> 00:13:26,306
and don't touch anything.
479
00:13:26,347 --> 00:13:29,183
- I'm touching the dresser.
480
00:13:26,347 --> 00:13:29,183
- "I'm touchin'.."
481
00:13:29,225 --> 00:13:31,144
Okay.
482
00:13:31,185 --> 00:13:33,854
Listen. I'm hip
483
00:13:31,185 --> 00:13:33,854
to you, wise guy.
484
00:13:33,896 --> 00:13:36,274
I know you pulled
485
00:13:33,896 --> 00:13:36,274
all those stunts at lunch.
486
00:13:36,316 --> 00:13:39,402
Since Danny likes your mother
487
00:13:36,316 --> 00:13:39,402
so much, I'm lettin' you slide.
488
00:13:39,444 --> 00:13:41,988
From now on, you respect
489
00:13:39,444 --> 00:13:41,988
people and their property.
490
00:13:42,029 --> 00:13:44,574
- Capisce?
491
00:13:42,029 --> 00:13:44,574
- Capisce.
492
00:13:44,616 --> 00:13:46,951
Thanks for setting me straight,
493
00:13:44,616 --> 00:13:46,951
Mr. Katsopolis.
494
00:13:46,993 --> 00:13:49,036
You're tough,
495
00:13:46,993 --> 00:13:49,036
but you're fair.
496
00:13:49,078 --> 00:13:50,705
Yeah.
497
00:13:50,747 --> 00:13:53,458
Alright. You're a good boy.
498
00:13:53,500 --> 00:13:55,918
Have a good day, son.
499
00:13:58,797 --> 00:14:00,173
Did you see that?
500
00:14:00,214 --> 00:14:01,800
That's how you gotta handle
501
00:14:00,214 --> 00:14:01,800
kids like Rusty.
502
00:14:01,840 --> 00:14:04,302
Ba-da-boom.
503
00:14:01,840 --> 00:14:04,302
You know what I mean?
504
00:14:04,344 --> 00:14:06,638
Give 'em a little discipline.
505
00:14:04,344 --> 00:14:06,638
They're like dogs.
506
00:14:06,680 --> 00:14:08,931
They respect you for it.
507
00:14:10,057 --> 00:14:11,976
Or they lock you
508
00:14:10,057 --> 00:14:11,976
in your room.
509
00:14:12,018 --> 00:14:13,645
(together)
510
00:14:12,018 --> 00:14:13,645
Rusty!
511
00:14:13,687 --> 00:14:15,814
(both)
512
00:14:13,687 --> 00:14:15,814
Rusty!
513
00:14:15,854 --> 00:14:18,692
(in unison)
514
00:14:15,854 --> 00:14:18,692
'Rusty!'
515
00:14:18,733 --> 00:14:20,401
(Stephanie)
516
00:14:18,733 --> 00:14:20,401
'Rusty!'
517
00:14:25,031 --> 00:14:27,826
Hey, Rusty, what brings you
518
00:14:25,031 --> 00:14:27,826
down to my neck of the house?
519
00:14:27,867 --> 00:14:30,537
I was just admiring
520
00:14:27,867 --> 00:14:30,537
your equipment, Mr. Gladstone.
521
00:14:30,578 --> 00:14:32,664
Well, I'm putting together
522
00:14:30,578 --> 00:14:32,664
a tape of my comedy act.
523
00:14:32,706 --> 00:14:36,626
I specialize in some pretty,
524
00:14:32,706 --> 00:14:36,626
darn, obscure impressions.
525
00:14:36,668 --> 00:14:37,918
Now check this out.
526
00:14:37,960 --> 00:14:40,630
This one is Mr. Woodchuck.
527
00:14:40,672 --> 00:14:43,591
[imitating Mr. Woodchuck]
528
00:14:40,672 --> 00:14:43,591
Hey, Rusty.
529
00:14:43,633 --> 00:14:48,262
Say, is that table
530
00:14:43,633 --> 00:14:48,262
made of...wood?
531
00:14:50,973 --> 00:14:52,642
Alright, alright.
532
00:14:50,973 --> 00:14:52,642
Check this one out.
533
00:14:52,684 --> 00:14:55,478
This one's great.
534
00:14:52,684 --> 00:14:55,478
You're gonna love it, Bob Hope.
535
00:14:55,520 --> 00:14:57,063
[imitating Bob Hope]
536
00:14:55,520 --> 00:14:57,063
Hey, I wanna tell you,
537
00:14:55,520 --> 00:14:57,063
that's wild though
538
00:14:57,104 --> 00:14:59,357
isn't it, Rusty, huh?
539
00:14:59,399 --> 00:15:01,526
Hey, isn't
540
00:14:59,399 --> 00:15:01,526
that somethin'?
541
00:15:02,902 --> 00:15:05,530
This is an impression
542
00:15:02,902 --> 00:15:05,530
of Mr. Woodchuck
543
00:15:05,572 --> 00:15:07,699
doing an impression
544
00:15:05,572 --> 00:15:07,699
of Bob Hope.
545
00:15:07,741 --> 00:15:09,325
Alright, here we go.
546
00:15:09,367 --> 00:15:12,620
[imitating Woodchuck and Bob]
547
00:15:09,367 --> 00:15:12,620
Hey, that's wild, huh?
548
00:15:12,662 --> 00:15:15,749
Yeah, isn't that somethin',
549
00:15:12,662 --> 00:15:15,749
Rusty, huh?
550
00:15:17,417 --> 00:15:19,502
Well, I got plenty of other
551
00:15:17,417 --> 00:15:19,502
stuff on this comedy tape.
552
00:15:19,544 --> 00:15:21,212
I've been workin'
553
00:15:19,544 --> 00:15:21,212
on it for weeks.
554
00:15:21,254 --> 00:15:25,049
This is some of my classic,
555
00:15:21,254 --> 00:15:25,049
all-time funniest moments.
556
00:15:25,091 --> 00:15:26,676
So get ready..
557
00:15:26,718 --> 00:15:29,804
...to watch Joey Gladstone..
558
00:15:32,515 --> 00:15:34,851
...talk to himself.
559
00:15:34,893 --> 00:15:36,352
Hi. I'm Joey Gladstone.
560
00:15:36,394 --> 00:15:38,813
And, well, I've put some
561
00:15:36,394 --> 00:15:38,813
of my funniest moments
562
00:15:38,855 --> 00:15:40,231
on this here tape--
563
00:15:41,190 --> 00:15:43,984
This is Rustyvision!
564
00:15:46,320 --> 00:15:47,739
Rusty!
565
00:15:48,782 --> 00:15:51,367
[blabbering]
566
00:15:52,452 --> 00:15:54,036
Why do we have
567
00:15:52,452 --> 00:15:54,036
to wash Comet?
568
00:15:54,078 --> 00:15:55,914
It's so messy,
569
00:15:54,078 --> 00:15:55,914
and he shakes water all ove--
570
00:15:55,955 --> 00:15:58,499
Would you rather
571
00:15:55,955 --> 00:15:58,499
play with Rusty?
572
00:15:58,541 --> 00:16:01,377
Comet, bath time.
573
00:15:58,541 --> 00:16:01,377
Let's go, boy, come on.
574
00:16:01,419 --> 00:16:02,670
Hey, girls.
575
00:16:02,712 --> 00:16:05,423
I heard you were
576
00:16:02,712 --> 00:16:05,423
tied up for a while.
577
00:16:06,674 --> 00:16:09,218
Anybody wanna look
578
00:16:06,674 --> 00:16:09,218
at my kaleidoscope?
579
00:16:09,260 --> 00:16:12,972
We're not falling
580
00:16:09,260 --> 00:16:12,972
for any more tricks.
581
00:16:13,013 --> 00:16:16,392
Excuse us, but we're
582
00:16:13,013 --> 00:16:16,392
giving our dog a bath.
583
00:16:16,434 --> 00:16:19,228
Care to join him?
584
00:16:16,434 --> 00:16:19,228
We have plenty of flea powder.
585
00:16:19,270 --> 00:16:21,021
Good one, Deej.
586
00:16:21,063 --> 00:16:23,983
Yeah. Good one.
587
00:16:24,024 --> 00:16:26,611
But the Rustman
588
00:16:24,024 --> 00:16:26,611
laughs last.
589
00:16:31,574 --> 00:16:33,200
Hey, that's our dinner.
590
00:16:33,242 --> 00:16:36,162
Don't worry.
591
00:16:33,242 --> 00:16:36,162
I'm just borrowing it.
592
00:16:39,206 --> 00:16:42,335
Ooh, pretty.
593
00:16:42,376 --> 00:16:45,463
Uh, hey, that
594
00:16:42,376 --> 00:16:45,463
kaleidoscope's not for you.
595
00:16:48,675 --> 00:16:49,968
What's so funny?
596
00:16:50,009 --> 00:16:52,178
Sorry, kid. I guess
597
00:16:50,009 --> 00:16:52,178
I better show you.
598
00:16:56,182 --> 00:16:57,475
[gasps]
599
00:17:00,728 --> 00:17:03,857
You're in
600
00:17:00,728 --> 00:17:03,857
big trouble, mister.
601
00:17:05,274 --> 00:17:06,860
Story of my life.
602
00:17:06,901 --> 00:17:08,319
Yeah.
603
00:17:08,361 --> 00:17:10,613
You better move
604
00:17:08,361 --> 00:17:10,613
out of the way.
605
00:17:12,907 --> 00:17:15,075
Comet! Come and
606
00:17:12,907 --> 00:17:15,075
get it, boy! Pot roast!
607
00:17:15,117 --> 00:17:18,579
- Dinner time!
608
00:17:15,117 --> 00:17:18,579
- 'No, comet! Stay in the tub!'
609
00:17:18,621 --> 00:17:20,540
(together)
610
00:17:18,621 --> 00:17:20,540
'Rusty!'
611
00:17:22,416 --> 00:17:24,502
Michelle, what
612
00:17:22,416 --> 00:17:24,502
happened to your eye?
613
00:17:24,544 --> 00:17:27,839
It's Rusty's kaleidoscope.
614
00:17:27,881 --> 00:17:28,965
Which way
615
00:17:27,881 --> 00:17:28,965
did they go?
616
00:17:29,007 --> 00:17:31,133
They went that way!
617
00:17:29,007 --> 00:17:31,133
Get 'em!
618
00:17:33,302 --> 00:17:35,221
(in unison)
619
00:17:33,302 --> 00:17:35,221
'Rusty!'
620
00:17:36,430 --> 00:17:37,932
What's goin' on?
621
00:17:39,183 --> 00:17:40,434
Why is there a soapy dog
622
00:17:40,476 --> 00:17:42,937
eating rump roast
623
00:17:40,476 --> 00:17:42,937
on my couch?
624
00:17:42,979 --> 00:17:44,731
Take a wild guess.
625
00:17:44,772 --> 00:17:46,148
(in unison)
626
00:17:44,772 --> 00:17:46,148
Rusty!
627
00:17:47,025 --> 00:17:49,402
That kid is bad news.
628
00:17:50,653 --> 00:17:52,864
Michelle, did Rusty
629
00:17:50,653 --> 00:17:52,864
do that to your eye?
630
00:17:52,906 --> 00:17:55,324
With his kaleidoscope.
631
00:17:55,366 --> 00:17:57,744
That doesn't sound
632
00:17:55,366 --> 00:17:57,744
like little Rusty.
633
00:17:57,785 --> 00:17:59,412
Dad, wake up.
634
00:17:59,453 --> 00:18:01,622
He's the devil boy.
635
00:18:02,790 --> 00:18:05,292
I-I can't believe
636
00:18:02,790 --> 00:18:05,292
he did this.
637
00:18:15,469 --> 00:18:17,555
Danny, just out
638
00:18:15,469 --> 00:18:17,555
of curiosity
639
00:18:17,597 --> 00:18:20,808
was, uh, little Rusty
640
00:18:17,597 --> 00:18:20,808
in the bathroom
641
00:18:20,850 --> 00:18:22,643
before you took
642
00:18:20,850 --> 00:18:22,643
a shower?
643
00:18:22,685 --> 00:18:24,520
Yeah. Why do you ask?
644
00:18:25,438 --> 00:18:27,189
Rusty!
645
00:18:28,315 --> 00:18:29,943
Well, my work here is done.
646
00:18:29,984 --> 00:18:31,360
It's been a blast, Tanners--
647
00:18:31,402 --> 00:18:32,486
Hold it.
648
00:18:31,402 --> 00:18:32,486
Come here, you--
649
00:18:32,528 --> 00:18:34,655
No, Jess.
650
00:18:32,528 --> 00:18:34,655
He's mine.
651
00:18:34,697 --> 00:18:35,782
I'll handle
652
00:18:34,697 --> 00:18:35,782
this, everybody.
653
00:18:35,823 --> 00:18:37,575
Book him, Dano.
654
00:18:43,289 --> 00:18:46,876
Be careful, daddy.
655
00:18:43,289 --> 00:18:46,876
He's very tricky.
656
00:18:49,462 --> 00:18:51,965
You know, you look
657
00:18:49,462 --> 00:18:51,965
good in green.
658
00:18:52,006 --> 00:18:53,841
Pranks are one thing.
659
00:18:53,883 --> 00:18:55,593
But when you mess
660
00:18:53,883 --> 00:18:55,593
with a man's shampoo
661
00:18:55,635 --> 00:18:57,219
you're messing
662
00:18:55,635 --> 00:18:57,219
with the man.
663
00:18:57,261 --> 00:18:59,430
It washes right out.
664
00:18:59,472 --> 00:19:01,015
Rusty, I-I don't get this.
665
00:19:02,349 --> 00:19:04,351
I really wanted us
666
00:19:02,349 --> 00:19:04,351
to be friends.
667
00:19:04,393 --> 00:19:06,312
You don't wanna
668
00:19:04,393 --> 00:19:06,312
be my friend.
669
00:19:06,353 --> 00:19:08,314
You wanna be
670
00:19:06,353 --> 00:19:08,314
my mom's friend.
671
00:19:09,607 --> 00:19:12,359
Well, I-I do like
672
00:19:09,607 --> 00:19:12,359
your mom very much.
673
00:19:12,401 --> 00:19:14,821
You're wasting your time,
674
00:19:12,401 --> 00:19:14,821
'cause someday my mom and dad
675
00:19:14,862 --> 00:19:16,447
are getting back together.
676
00:19:18,074 --> 00:19:20,910
Oh, that's what
677
00:19:18,074 --> 00:19:20,910
this is about.
678
00:19:22,036 --> 00:19:25,372
Look, Rusty, I know
679
00:19:22,036 --> 00:19:25,372
how you feel.
680
00:19:25,414 --> 00:19:27,834
My parents
681
00:19:25,414 --> 00:19:27,834
are divorced, too.
682
00:19:27,875 --> 00:19:30,086
It hurts that
683
00:19:27,875 --> 00:19:30,086
they're not together.
684
00:19:30,128 --> 00:19:32,338
But you can't wreck
685
00:19:30,128 --> 00:19:32,338
every relationship
686
00:19:32,379 --> 00:19:34,465
that your mom
687
00:19:32,379 --> 00:19:34,465
tries to make.
688
00:19:34,507 --> 00:19:36,009
You know that's not fair.
689
00:19:36,050 --> 00:19:38,094
I don't wanna
690
00:19:36,050 --> 00:19:38,094
talk about it.
691
00:19:38,136 --> 00:19:40,721
[doorbell dings]
692
00:19:40,763 --> 00:19:42,222
That must be your mom.
693
00:19:42,264 --> 00:19:44,934
Go ahead,
694
00:19:42,264 --> 00:19:44,934
tell on me.
695
00:19:53,067 --> 00:19:55,862
Hi, Cindy.
696
00:19:53,067 --> 00:19:55,862
How's everything at work?
697
00:19:55,903 --> 00:19:58,114
Oh, fine.
698
00:19:55,903 --> 00:19:58,114
How's everything here?
699
00:19:58,156 --> 00:19:59,699
Oh, couldn't be better.
700
00:19:59,740 --> 00:20:01,200
Rusty's a great kid.
701
00:20:01,241 --> 00:20:02,368
I am?
702
00:20:02,409 --> 00:20:04,871
We had a great time.
703
00:20:02,409 --> 00:20:04,871
Right, Rusty?
704
00:20:04,912 --> 00:20:06,873
Yeah. Sure.
705
00:20:06,914 --> 00:20:08,875
Really?
706
00:20:06,914 --> 00:20:08,875
He was good?
707
00:20:08,916 --> 00:20:10,835
Oh, it was wonderful,
708
00:20:08,916 --> 00:20:10,835
we did a lot of stuff
709
00:20:10,877 --> 00:20:13,462
we tossed football,
710
00:20:10,877 --> 00:20:13,462
we played with the dog..
711
00:20:13,504 --> 00:20:16,090
You dyed your hair green?
712
00:20:16,132 --> 00:20:17,800
Oh, you noticed.
713
00:20:17,842 --> 00:20:21,220
Well, I-I started
714
00:20:17,842 --> 00:20:21,220
using Irish formula.
715
00:20:23,139 --> 00:20:25,099
It's supposed
716
00:20:23,139 --> 00:20:25,099
to be worked in gradually
717
00:20:25,141 --> 00:20:27,935
you know,
718
00:20:25,141 --> 00:20:27,935
a little each day.
719
00:20:27,977 --> 00:20:30,354
Danny, I don't know
720
00:20:27,977 --> 00:20:30,354
how he did this.
721
00:20:30,396 --> 00:20:33,482
I-I searched him
722
00:20:30,396 --> 00:20:33,482
before he left the house.
723
00:20:33,524 --> 00:20:37,653
You and I are going to have
724
00:20:33,524 --> 00:20:37,653
a talk later, young man.
725
00:20:40,907 --> 00:20:43,409
I am really
726
00:20:40,907 --> 00:20:43,409
sorry, Danny.
727
00:20:44,827 --> 00:20:45,995
You know, I wouldn't
728
00:20:44,827 --> 00:20:45,995
blame you
729
00:20:46,037 --> 00:20:47,997
if you didn't wanna
730
00:20:46,037 --> 00:20:47,997
see me again.
731
00:20:48,039 --> 00:20:50,499
Cindy, it's gonna take
732
00:20:48,039 --> 00:20:50,499
a lot more than a green head
733
00:20:50,541 --> 00:20:52,459
to ruin this relationship.
734
00:20:52,501 --> 00:20:54,628
'Course I wanna
735
00:20:52,501 --> 00:20:54,628
see you again.
736
00:20:54,670 --> 00:20:57,590
And I wanna
737
00:20:54,670 --> 00:20:57,590
see Rusty, too.
738
00:20:57,631 --> 00:20:59,466
Is that okay
739
00:20:57,631 --> 00:20:59,466
with you, Rusty?
740
00:20:59,508 --> 00:21:02,302
That'll be cool
741
00:20:59,508 --> 00:21:02,302
and I'm sorry.
742
00:21:03,221 --> 00:21:05,098
You're okay, Mr. Tanner.
743
00:21:05,932 --> 00:21:09,560
Hey, call me Danny.
744
00:21:09,602 --> 00:21:11,604
You're a real,
745
00:21:09,602 --> 00:21:11,604
touchy-feely sorta guy
746
00:21:11,645 --> 00:21:14,356
aren't you, Danny?
747
00:21:14,398 --> 00:21:16,901
You'll get used to it.
748
00:21:16,943 --> 00:21:18,736
- Dig in, Rusty.
749
00:21:16,943 --> 00:21:18,736
- Yeah, go ahead.
750
00:21:18,778 --> 00:21:21,530
Drink your
751
00:21:18,778 --> 00:21:21,530
ice-cream soda.
752
00:21:21,572 --> 00:21:23,657
Wait a minute.
753
00:21:23,699 --> 00:21:27,828
I ain't the master
754
00:21:23,699 --> 00:21:27,828
of disaster for nothin'.
755
00:21:27,870 --> 00:21:29,997
What did you put in it?
756
00:21:27,870 --> 00:21:29,997
Dog food?
757
00:21:31,040 --> 00:21:33,292
He's too smart
758
00:21:31,040 --> 00:21:33,292
for us, Steph.
759
00:21:33,333 --> 00:21:36,170
I'll just make
760
00:21:33,333 --> 00:21:36,170
my own ice cream soda.
761
00:21:36,212 --> 00:21:37,463
Where are the glasses?
762
00:21:37,504 --> 00:21:39,132
In that cupboard.
763
00:21:44,470 --> 00:21:46,097
[screaming]
764
00:21:44,470 --> 00:21:46,097
Hey!
765
00:21:47,098 --> 00:21:48,432
[screaming]
766
00:21:49,183 --> 00:21:51,769
[screaming]
767
00:21:53,604 --> 00:21:55,773
Gotcha, dude.
768
00:22:03,447 --> 00:22:05,491
Pretty good trick, girls.
769
00:22:05,532 --> 00:22:07,034
Of course, you know..
770
00:22:07,076 --> 00:22:08,619
...this means war.
771
00:22:09,453 --> 00:22:11,038
Any time, Rusty.
772
00:22:16,085 --> 00:22:19,005
[theme music]
773
00:22:23,009 --> 00:22:24,551
♪ Ah ah ah ah ♪
774
00:22:45,072 --> 00:22:47,491
♪ Ah ah ah ah ♪
775
00:22:48,575 --> 00:22:51,537
♪ Doobie doo
776
00:22:48,575 --> 00:22:51,537
bah bah dah ♪♪