What kind of bug
are you? DJ!
Hey, Michelle.
What do you have there?
A hairy worm.
Well, I think that hairy worm
is called a caterpillar.
Mr. Caterpillar
is an ugly bug.
Well, pretty soon he's going to
turn into a beautiful butterfly.
No way, Jose.
It's true, Magoo.
It's like in the fairy tales.
The princess kisses
the ugly frog
and he turns into
a handsome prince.
- Get it?
- Got it, dude.
You're going to stay
a caterpillar
because I'm not
kissing you.
♪ Aah aah aah aah ♪
♪ Aah ♪
♪ Whatever happened
to predictability? ♪
♪ The milkman
the paperboy ♪
♪ Evenin' TV ♪
♪ When did I get
to livin' here? ♪
♪ Somebody tell me please ♪
♪ This old world's ♪
♪ Confusin' me ♪
♪ Clouds as mean
as you've ever seen ♪
♪ Ain't a bird
who knows your tune ♪
♪ Then a little voice
inside you whispers ♪
♪ Kid don't sell
your dreams so soon ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Everywhere ♪
♪ There's a heart ♪
♪ A hand to hold onto ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Everywhere ♪
♪ There's a face
of somebody who needs you ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ When you're lost out there ♪
♪ And you're all alone ♪
♪ A light is waitin' ♪
♪ To carry you home ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Do-be-do-ba-ba-da ♪♪
[theme music]
Hi, Melinda, it's Joey.
Joey Gladstone.
[chuckles]
Yeah, we went out
about 10 months ago.
Yeah, maybe this
will help you.
(imitates Popeye)
Hy-ga-ga-ga! Whoa!
Yeah.
So how the heck are you?
Married.
Well, then you probably have
a date for new year's eve.
Bye.
(imitates Popeye)
Oh, boy, I could've thrown
that one overboard.
Hey!
Hey, you guys. How was
the big double date?
Oh, it was great. We ended up at
happy mountain amusement park.
Yeah, it was so romantic.
We went to the
"Test your strength" booth
and with one swing of the hammer
Jesse rang the bell
and won me this
cute teddy gorilla.
And then Cindy stepped
up and won this for me.
My hero.
So Joe, are we gonna triple date
on new year's eve, huh?
Did you find
the lucky girl yet?
Not yet, but I still
got "T" through "Z."
Well, you can't miss the big
party down at the station.
Why, is Danny gonna be
baby new year again?
Not after that wicked
diaper rash I got last year.
Quit yakking.
Hit the phones.
Come on, we need you
to go to the party.
No party without you.
Let's go.
[clears throat]
It's ringing.
Hi, is Mary Trabulous there?
Oh, now it's sister Mary?
Oh, well.
You got a date
for new year's eve?
Hang on.
You guys want to skip
the party and go to mass?
(DJ)
'Go ahead, Comet.
Give it a try.'
Yeah!
How does he do that?
I don't know.
Let's try it.
Great. I'm just in time
for stupid Tanner tricks.
Kimmy, here's a good new year's
resolution for you.
Move to Costa Rica.
Just for that, you're not
invited
to my new year's eve party.
Whoa, Kimmy. Your parents are
gonna let you have that party?
Yep, they said, I could have it
as long as it was limited
to a small intimate gathering of
my closest personal friends.
Which is exactly
what I put on the flyers.
See you there.
"Cute boys admitted free."
Good idea.
Not so fast,
party girl.
Did we forget who's
spending new year's eve
babysitting me
and Michelle?
- No.
- Yes .
- No.
- She said, yes.
Who needs a party
full of cute boys
when you can bring in
the new year
with your sweet,
adorable sisters?
Dad!
- Dad!
Hi, this is Joey Gladstone
is Barbara Zorek there?
Oh, hi, Mrs. Zorek.
Barbara moved to Alaska?
Well, uh, Mrs. Zorek..
...it's Estelle, right?
Are you busy
new year's eve?
Oh, well,
maybe next year.
- Bye-bye.
- Dad! Dad!
- Dad!
Yeah? Yeah, what's
the matter?
Kimmy's having a big
new year's eve party
and I know I promised to
baby-sit Michelle and Stephanie
but just for one night, can't we
put them in a kennel
or something?
That is a terrible thing
to say about your sisters.
Besides, kennels
are very expensive.
Don't worry, Deej.
I have no life.
I'll baby-sit
your sisters.
Oh, Joey, I love you!
Thank you for having no life.
Hey, my pleasure.
Hey, Joe, did you
get a date yet?
Yep, I got two of 'em.
Girls, we are going to have
one happy new year's eve.
Alright!
What is new year's eve?
New year's eve is the funnest
party of the year.
We get to stay up late
and scream, "Happy new year!"
Happy new year!
- Happy new year!
- Michelle!
It's not new year's eve yet.
I know that, silly,
but I'm just practicing.
Happy new year!
Joey, I hate it that you're not
going to this party with us.
What's the point?
The clock will strike midnight.
You'll kiss your girlfriend
you'll kiss your fiancee
and I'll go
into this pathetic bit.
I think I dated her once.
Joey, you're just in a little
slump, things will turn around.
Yeah, but when? All I wanna do
is marry the girl of my dreams
have a couple of kids of my own,
and always know that I have
a date every new year's eve.
Daniel, we got to
get that boy a woman.
Jesse, Joey is never
going to agree
to make a tape for
a video dating service.
That's why we don't tell him,
see? I got a plan.
What we do is secretly
hide the camera like so
get him up here, put him in that
chair, and make him stay there.
You feel good about all
this underhanded trickery?
- Yes.
- Just checking.
- Here we go.
- Joey!
Get up here in the attic Jesse
and I need to talk to you
and it's an emergency.
'What kind of emergency?'
None of your business!
Just get up here!
Alright, the chair's set.
Alright, tape's rolling.
And...action.
- Hi, I'm Danny Tanner.
- And I'm Jesse Katsopolis.
Ladies, you have seen the rest
and now you're gonna meet
the best, Joey Gladstone.
Right, now,
Joey would never join
one of these
video dating services
because he wouldn't
want to look desperate.
Not, not that you girls
look desperate.
I'm sure you joined up
for other reasons
none of them having to do
anything with desperation.
- Can you help me out here?
- You bet I can.
Who is Joey Gladstone?
Well, if I was a woman,
that's a big if by the way
I'd say that Joey is
a major hunk of beef.
(Joey)
'Guys, are you up there?'
Alright, here he comes.
Remember, he doesn't
know we're taping this
so you're gonna see
the real Joseph Gladstone.
You guys okay?
Are we okay?
Isn't that just
like Joey Gladstone
to think of other
people first?
So what's the big emergency?
We got a new chair,
we have a new chair
and we need you to test it
out for us, here, sit down.
Here we go.
You dragged me out
of the shower for this?
Well, Joey, I don't make
a move without you.
I mean after all, you do own
half this production company.
You're a very successful
stand-up comic
you enjoy hockey,
the three stooges
and long walks
along the beach.
And underneath all
this shaving cream
is a handsome
and manly face.
Yes, with some very nice
hair, I might add.
Danny, I can shave myself.
He can shave himself.
Is there no limit
to this man's talents?
Why do you guys keep
talking to that easel?
Talking to an easel.
And what a sense of humor.
And hey..
...doesn't he clean up nice?
You guys are really scaring me
so I'm just going
to leave now.
If you try and chase me, I'm
going to scream like a girl.
Oh, ho, ho.
- Isn't he special?
- Joey Gladstone.
Call now. Operators
are standing by.
Joe, what are you doing?
Making confetti for my
big new year's eve party
with Stephanie and Michelle.
It is going to be wild.
3, 2, 1.
[humming "Auld Lang Syne"]
[makes party favor noise]
Joey, remember the other day
when we had you
test that new chair?
You're not going to
shave me again, are you?
We did a great thing, see
we secretly put you on tape
and we enrolled you
in a video dating service.
How dare you subject me to that
kind of public humiliation
without my personal consent?
I've a tape here full
of women who wanna meet you.
God bless you fellas.
Roll that tape.
I can't wait to see your dates
right here
on the "Love connection."
Alright, Here we go.
Hi, I'm Darlene.
I'm single, a nonsmoker.
I love watersports.
I'm 2,420 years old
and hail from
the planet Zoron.
Uh, let's move ahead and see if
any earthlings liked my tape.
Hi, I'm Ginger.
My parole officer says,
I need to make new friends.
This girl doesn't know
where I live, does she?
Look, I appreciate what
you guys are to do for me
but this is all just
a big waste of time.
Hi, I'm Christine.
My friends signed me up
for this for Christmas.
I really wanted an
electric foot massager.
But maybe I'll find somebody
nice who'll rub my feet.
If not, I'll find some
use for this tape.
Happy new year, mom.
- What's wrong with her?
- Nothing.
She's great.
I'm calling her.
- Joey! Joey!
Hello, Christine?
Joey Gladstone.
Yeah, the chair tester.
Hey, listen, I know
it's new year's eve, but um..
You're not busy?
That's great!
Wait, wait, I'm busy.
I could make us dinner,
we could hang out here.
Great! Okay, I'll call you
back with all the details.
- Bye, Christine.
- Alright, Joseph!
You got yourself a date
for new year's eve.
This is not just a date.
My search is over.
I have finally found
the girl of my dreams.
Huh? Don't we make
a great couple?
You guys,
I think I'm in love.
I'm going to Kimmy's party, dad.
See you next year.
Happy new year, honey.
Now, don't forget
your curfew is 11:30.
Dad, it's new year's eve.
Sorry, 12:05.
Dad, don't be such a dad.
It's going to be a quiet
little party at Kimmy's.
Yeah, right, that's
why I found this flyer
on my windshield
at the market.
Let's compromise. I'll be home
at 4:00 in the morning?
- 12:30.
- Deal. Bye.
- Bye, have a good time, honey.
- See you later.
Now, Rusty, remember,
you're going to be
on your best behavior.
No water balloons,
no food fights
and no indoor campfires.
Then what's the fun
of staying here?
Hey, can't I come with you guys
to the party?
Aw, Rusty,
not in a million years.
Come on, let me
get your wrap.
Happy new year!
Michelle, I keep telling you,
wait until 12 o'clock .
Give me a break.
I can't tell time.
Hey, Steph, guess what
happens at midnight.
You get a new year's kiss.
[kisses]
Eww, gross.
I'd rather kiss a frog.
Ribbit, ribbit.
Ribbit, ribbit, ribbit.
Happy new year!
It's not yet,
it's not yet.
- Hi, guys.
- Hey.
Hope I didn't hold you up.
Just wanted to get
the perfect dinner
for my perfect girl,
Christine..
...I don't know
her last name yet.
Joey, listen, I'm glad that
you're excited about your date
but I don't want you to be
disappointed if there's not
bells going off and fireworks.
I mean, the odds of
love at first sight
are pretty slim, pal.
Joey?
Christine?
Hi.
Then again, what
the hell do I know?
Last week, when I was
rollerblading at the park--
Wait a sec.
You rollerblade?
- Oh, I love it.
- I love it!
- Get out of here!
Do you remember the old
"Bullwinkle show?"
Not "Rocky and friends",
but the real "Bullwinkle show?"
Yeah, yeah.
(imitates Rocky)
And now for something
we hope you really like.
(imitates Bullwinkle)
Nothing up my sleeve.
Presto!
This is so amazing.
Two total strangers, forced
to join a video dating service
against their will,
discover that they share
the exact same interests.
I'll bet you do
stand-up comedy, don't you?
Actually, I'm a veterinarian
at the zoo.
- So am I!
- No, you're not!
I know.
We were just on
such a roll there
I kind of hated to see it end.
(imitates Bullwinkle)
That was so beautiful.
I mean, that was so beautiful.
Only three more minutes
to go, you guys.
Oh, Michelle,
are you sleeping? Huh?
Happy new year.
No, it's still
not time yet.
This is taking forever.
Hi, everyone.
You all know Ricky.
Deej, what happened
with your party?
Well, Kimmy's dad freaked out
and sent everyone home.
Yeah, just 'cause a few
extra guests showed up.
How many extra guests?
The police estimated 400.
Four hundred? I bet
the Gibblers are very happy.
Yah-hey, everybody!
Yah-hey!
What the heck is going
on out there?
I estimate there's
400 people outside.
Good estimate. What are
you guys doing here?
Ah, we wanted
to ring in the new year
with our family, you know
people we really love.
Like our paperboy.
Hi, Ricky.
Hey, dude.
I'm wearing the hat.
Where's the party?
It's almost time.
Everybody get your confetti
and noisemakers ready.
And your lips.
Well, I just called the phone
lady and synchronized my watch.
There's precisely
11 seconds to go.
(man on TV)
'Ten, nine..'
(all)
...eight, seven, six..
...five, four, three, two..
...one. Happy new year!
(man on TV)
'Welcome to a brand-new year.'
'Happy new year,
San Francisco'
'the United States,
the world in general'
'and the universe..'
Ready for my kiss.
Are you crazy? You really
think I would kiss you?
I just love torturing you.
Well, in that case,
happy new year.
Whoa!
Mommy!
Whoa, Stephanie.
Where'd you learn that?
Oh.
Okay, you two, why don't
you just shake hands
and say goodnight?
Michelle, that's it.
Time for bed, honey.
What happened
to the party?
I'm sorry, honey.
New year's is over.
Where's the cake?
Where's the presents?
Sweetheart, there are no cake
or presents on new year's.
I stayed up all night
to kiss a dog?
This is nuts.
Yeah, but tomorrow's
new year's day.
We get to watch
37 football games.
Don't wake me up.
I'll see you
on my birthday.
You know, so far, 1991 has been
the best year of my life.
I know, I never want
this night to end.
Me neither. We got to keep
the magic going.
Any ideas?
Yeah, I got one.
- Let's get married.
- Let's get married?
We've known each other one
night, you wanna get married?
Yeah, why not?
- Okay, I'm in. Let's do it.
- Really?
- Yes.
- This is crazy.
We'll drive to Tahoe tonight.
That's even crazier.
I'll go home and pack.
- Crazy!
- Christine.
- Yes?
- I really like you.
- I really like you, too.
- I'll be back.
- You'll be back.
Did you have a good
new year's, honey?
- It was great, sweetheart.
- Not you.
Great news, you guys.
Christine and I are
going to Tahoe tonight
and we're getting married!
Hello, I said I'm marrying
Christine. Is this thing on?
Mike test. One, two..
Joey, I'm about to do
this to you
because I love you
like a brother.
Are you crazy? Get a grip!
Snap out of it!
Tsch! Tsch! Tsch!
Hey, I know what I'm doing.
Joey, no, you don't. Look I know
you've been a tad lonely lately
but you don't have to marry
the first woman
that walks by in a party hat.
- Yeah, but I really like her.
- Here, let me talk to him.
Joey, marriage is a commitment
you gotta make for the rest of
your life, there's no escape.
I mean you're gonna be looking
at the same woman's face
day after day.. Which
could be a beautiful thing.
I thought you and Danny
set this whole thing so I'd meet
the girl of my dreams.
Yeah, that's true,
but get to know her, Joey.
Take her out in public.
See what she looks
like in daylight.
I don't get it.
Why aren't you guys
happy for me?
We are happy for you,
we're just a little shocked
and overwhelmed and distraught,
but in a happy way.
Joey, if you want to do it,
I say go for it.
Well, then I'm going.
- Well, then congratulations.
- Yeah.
You're really,
you're getting married
to, uh, Christine, isn't it?
I always knew you two
were meant for each other.
I'm getting married.
- Yeah.
I'm getting married.
I'm getting married?
What the heck do I
know about this girl?
[knock on door]
'Joey?'
Well, I know she's
a fast packer.
Christine, I need
to talk to you.
I need to talk
to you, too.
Let me go first.
I have never been
more excited to meet someone.
I feel the same way.
That's great.
I just think we should
postpone the wedding
until we know each other
a little better.
At least till
after our second date.
Joey, that's exactly what
I came back here to tell you.
Oh, good. Boy, I really
did get carried away there.
I think it's because
I've never had so much
fun on a date before.
Me, neither.
So what'll we do tomorrow?
- Let's rollerblade.
- I was gonna say that.
- Get out of here.
We are going to
have so much fun.
I want to know
everything about you
starting with, uh..
...what's your last name?
- McCall.
- McCall?
♪ Aah aah aah aah ♪
♪ Do-be-do-ba-ba-da ♪♪