[instrumental music]
Okay, bring it right in.
Right this way.
Be careful of the sides.
Careful. Careful now.
'That's it.'
Where do you want Popeye?
Uh, put him next to Olive
so Bluto can't get at her.
Hey, thanks for being
such a helper, Michelle.
You believe I've finally moved
in to Uncle Jesse's old room?
How come you play with dolls?
Michelle, I am a grown man.
I do not play with dolls.
However, I do make him dance.
♪ Ha pa dapa pa-pa sca da ♪
I make him walk.
♪ Dee da-dup ba-dup ba-dup ♪
He talks to me.
[imitating Popeye]
How's it going, Joskeph?
'I talk to him.'
Uh, not bad, Popeye.
[imitating Popeye's laugh]
Whoa!
Joey, you're
playing with a doll.
Okay, you're right.
I am playing with a doll
but in a manly way.
- Let's sing the Popeye song.
- Okay.
♪ I'm Popeye the sailor man ♪
♪ I'm strongs to the finish ♪
♪ 'Cause I eats me spinach ♪
♪ I'm Popeye the sailor man ♪
♪ Toot-toot ♪♪
Wow!
[imitating Popeye's laugh]
Not bad.
[theme music]
♪ Ah ah ah ah ♪
♪ Ah-h-h ♪
♪ Whatever happened
to predictability ♪
♪ The milkman the paperboy ♪
♪ Evenin' TV ♪
♪ How did I get to living here ♪
♪ Somebody tell me please ♪
♪ This whole world's ♪
♪ Confusin' me ♪
♪ Clouds as mean
as you've ever seen ♪
♪ And a bird who
knows your tune ♪
♪ And that little voice
inside you whispers ♪
♪ Kid don't sell
your dreams so soon ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Everywhere you go ♪
♪ There's a heart ♪
♪ A hand to hold on to ♪
♪ Everywhere you look
♪ Everywhere you go ♪
♪ There's a face of
somebody who needs you ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ When you're lost out there ♪
♪ And you're all alone ♪
♪ A light is waitin' ♪
♪ To carry you home ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Do be do ba ba da ♪♪
[instrumental music]
- Hey, Joe.
- Hey.
I'm, uh, putting some
new plumbing in the attic
so I had to turn off
the main water line.
I hope I'm not
inconveniencing anyone.
Jess, one question.
Did you actually wait until
the shampoo was burning my eyes
before you turned the water off?
No, just dumb luck.
Here.
Let me help you out there.
Let me just clean that out.
Let me get this side here.
So, Deej, what do you think
of this orange lipstick?
It's perfect. If you're
dating Ronald McDonald.
I'm ba-a-ack.
- Oh.
Thank you. You're too kind.
I can't believe
I'm sharing my room
with an eight-year-old again.
Believe it, babe.
Oh, neat.
We're playing makeup.
We do not play makeup.
We wear makeup.
Yeah, kid.
Go watch "Sesame Street."
I do not watch "Sesame Street."
And besides, it's
not on till 4 o'clock.
Well, now that you're back
remember the rules.
Keep your baby stuff
on your side of the room.
I have no baby stuff.
(doll)
Mama.
You were saying?
You couldn't keep
your mouth shut?
And now I'd like to
present the newest addition
to our future home.
The light switch.
- Ooh!
And it only took
four days to install.
Hey, what is four days
compared to a lifetime
of worry-free on and off, huh?
Ready?
Oh, you know what? I forgot
to turn the electricity back on.
Better go take
care of that.
I don't want to
inconvenience anyone.
How do you time
these things?
Do you have a surveillance
camera in my bathroom?
Look, I realize I'm
a little behind schedule
but this is my
new home, you know.
I want to build
this place with love
and care and old-world
craftsmanship.
Same way my ancestors
built the Parthenon.
The Parthenon is in ruins.
That's what happens
when you rush.
Honey, I know that you
want to take your time
but this is supposed
to be our first home
not our retirement home.
You know, Jess, it might
speed things up if I helped you.
No, thank you.
- Joey, that's a great idea.
- Thanks, Joey.
We are gonna have
such a great time.
Alright, I'll find a little
something for you to do.
But be honest, do you have
any experience in construction?
Are you kidding? I once built an
entire four-bedroom ranch house.
- You did?
- Yeah.
I would've built
a garage too
but I ran out of Legos.
[laughing]
Legos. Legos..
I redecorated my
side of the room.
- What do you think?
- Eh.
Michelle, you're so young.
Now that I'm
almost a teenager
you can have my
stuffed animals
my Barbie,
my puppy poster
all my little-kid stuff.
What about this little-kid TV?
Nice try, sis.
Oh, my lanta.
Hello, ladies.
Look, Deej.
It's your evil mini-twin.
Check it out, girls.
I have got my side
of the room jammin'.
Why are you
doing this to me?
What can I say?
Mature minds think alike.
Girls, Becky and I have to
get down to the station, and..
Oh, would you look at
those matching outfits?
Isn't that adorable?
You know what?
This should be our
next Christmas card.
Boy, I remember when I used to
dress up like my older sister.
She hated it.
Love you.
Mr. T!
Sorry, Gibbler. I was,
uh, just on a roll.
Well, what do you
want to do now?
Oh, I don't know.
We could watch MTV
call some boys,
shave our legs.
Who are you?
Come on, Deej, let's go
down to the food court.
I hear they have
a new potato topping
at The House Of Spuds.
Wait, I want to wear
something fun to the mall.
- Follow me.
- I'm right behind you.
- So am I.
- Don't worry, I'm coming too.
So, this is
your dad's room.
I bet if these
walls could talk
they would go..
[yawns]
So, Deej, what are
we doing in here?
Well, I'm in here
because I'm gonna
borrow one of dad's
shirts and ties.
You're in here
because you're a pain.
I resent that.
I resent that too.
Did you know your dad has a box
of baking soda in
his underwear drawer?
Kimmy, don't touch that.
My dad can tell if you
move anything an inch.
Now I'm just gonna
get a shirt and tie
and we'll be out of here.
Mmm, this one looks good.
And dad's not scheduled
to wear it until..
...next Thursday.
I'm in luck. He has
another one just like it.
Forget it, there's
no way you're going
out of this house
dressed like me.
Did you ever think just maybe
you're the one dressing like me?
- Leave the shirt alone.
- No.
Leave it alone!
[thud]
You're in big trouble, mister.
Look what you did now.
Now get out of my way.
- I have to fix it.
- No, I can fix it myself.
- Let go of it!
- No, you let go.
- I said let go!
- Okay.
[thud]
Well, I can see by
the old hole in the wall
that it's time
for me to go.
You girls will never learn.
We're dead! Dad is
gonna be home any minute.
What are we gonna do?
I know. Let's blame Kimmy!
That won't work.
We have to fix the hole.
Right. We got to fix that hole.
Well, go ahead.
I don't know
how to fix it.
But I know someone who does.
Stephanie, follow me.
What about me?
You stay right here
and watch that hole.
You got it, dude.
I'm good at this.
- Nail.
- Hammer.
Tuna.
You know, Jess, I can handle
a lot more responsibility.
Even Pat lets Vanna spin
the wheel once in a while.
Hey, the attic's
looking really good.
And how about this
sandwich I made, huh? Huh?
Very nice.
Hey, Uncle Jesse
aren't you worried
that you might miss
and put a hole
in the wall?
I don't miss.
Well, what if
Joey missed?
Why would I give
Joey a hammer?
Well, what if Joey
took your hammer
without your permission?
Then there'd be
a hole in the wall.
And how would you fix it?
Well, girls, basically,
what I would do--
Excuse me. Let the man
with the tool belt explain.
Now, to fix a hole in
the wall is quite simple.
You take a piece
of drywall..
...you take spackle,
put that on, smooth it
sand it, paint it
and kiss
the hole goodbye.
Uncle Jesse, how come that
window frame is crooked?
That's impossible.
- Joseph, level.
- Yes, sir!
Getting the level, sir!
Bringing the level, sir!
Handing the level, sir!
- Suck in that gut.
- Sucking in, sir!
(Jesse)
'That's level.'
That's lev..
Girls, you're crazy.
This is perfectly lev..
Where'd they go?
Uh, you know
these kids today.
They just don't
appreciate leveling
like we used to.
Yeah. Sad but true.
Okay. I'm gonna fix
my wall bed over there.
Joseph, electrical tape.
Oh, yes, master.
Yes, I'll do your
bidding, master.
Get you the electrical
tape, master.
But, please,
don't level my hump.
You see, this is
the exact immature attitude
that makes me the king
of home improvement
and you but the court jester.
Okay, fine. Do it all yourself.
Well, at least
it'll be done right.
Whoa. Whoa!
Whoa! Joey!
'Joey! Help me!'
Hark. Is that the king asking
the court jester for help?
Sound the trumpets.
[imitating a trumpet]
'Joseph, just get
me out of here!'
- Is there a switch?
- 'Yeah, it's in my tool belt.'
'I haven't put it in yet.'
Good planning, Your Majesty.
'I'm in here!'
If I see you laugh once..
You won't.
[laughing]
There. I'm okay now.
I must have
short-circuited the wire.
Alright, cut me out of here.
Isn't there something
you'd like to say to me first
something with the words...
"I'm sorry" in it?
Absolutely not.
Okay, okay, okay.
- I'm sorry.
- For what?
Well, maybe I was
a tad on the bossy side..
Okay, okay, okay.
I was a power-crazed maniac.
And?
And, and I should learn
to let people help me
and not do everything
myself, okay?
Okay. I'll help
you get out of there.
There's just one thing
I want to ask you first.
- What?
- Are you really stuck in there?
Yes.
Are you sure that you're really
really stuck in there?
Yes.
Good, 'cause there's something
I've always wanted to do to you.
What? Hey, not the hair!
Not the hair!
Leave my hair alone!
Now! Uh! Joseph!
Joseph! Joseph! Joseph!
Joseph! Joseph! Stop!
[instrumental music]
(D.J.)
That ought to do it.
Looks good to me.
You would never
know a pole
went through
that wall.
Are you nuts?
Michelle, don't
stare right at it.
If you glance
at it real fast
you don't
even notice it.
Watch.
Now you try.
I still see it.
Who are we kidding?
Dad is gonna freak.
This never would have happened
if you weren't
following me around
trying to act like a teenager.
That doesn't matter now!
Nothing matters!
We're gonna be grounded
in our room forever!
Steph, don't panic.
I have an idea.
That'll never work!
You haven't even
heard my idea yet.
Let's move the dresser
to cover the hole.
Like I said, that'll never work!
Dad notices everything.
He sees us when we're sleeping
he knows when we're
awake. He knows--
Steph, that's Santa Claus.
Now listen to me,
all we have to do
is move everything else along
this wall over to the right.
And he'll never notice
we moved the dresser.
Now come on.
Help me push.
(Danny)
'Girls, I'm home.'
He's home!
We're dead!
We are not dead yet.
We can still pull this off.
Now, Michelle,
I'm going to give you
the most important
job you've ever had.
Do I get to watch
the hole again?
No, you have
to go downstairs
and stop dad
from coming up here.
How do I do that?
Uh, talk to him.
Keep him busy.
Do whatever it takes.
Now, can you do it?
I can do it!
Great. Go get him.
Do you think
she can do it?
Not a chance.
Come on, hurry up.
Girls?
Hi, daddy.
Oh, well, it's nice to
see you too, sweetheart.
Oh, isn't this fun?
Okeydokey. Hello.
I can do a cheer.
Go, team, go!
Ta-da!
Well, that-that's
very good, sweetheart.
I can say my phone number.
5-5-5-2-4-2-4.
Whoa. That's very
good too, sweetheart.
I can say it with
my eyes closed.
5-5-5-2-4-2-4.
Well, you'll never top
that one, sweetheart.
Now I'm gonna go
upstairs and see
if your sisters are up there.
They're not doing
anything wrong.
Well, that pretty much
means they are, doesn't it?
You cannot go upstairs.
Oh, yes, I can.
He's coming!
He's coming! He's coming!
He's coming!
Hurry. He's coming. Hurry.
(Michelle)
'He's coming! He's coming!'
He's coming!
He's here.
I did the best I could.
She even told me
her phone number
with her eyes closed.
Question is, why did she
tell me her phone number
with her eyes closed?
And why are the two
of you in my room?
Darn, it was supposed
to be a surprise.
It was?
Steph, you can stop
playing dumb now.
Well, the reason
we're in your room..
...is because we..
- We..
- We're..
...writing a song about you.
Right.
And...we needed
some inspiration.
- Really?
- Mm-hmm.
Well, I would love
to hear the song
that my room inspired.
Uh, why don't you
sing it for him, Steph?
Uh, why don't
we both sing it?
♪ Dad dad dad ♪
♪ Dad dad ♪
Take it, Deej!
♪ He's our dad ♪
♪ And he's got
a really clean room ♪
Take it home, Steph!
♪ He keeps it that way ♪
♪ With a mop and a broom ♪
Big finish!
♪ Dad dad dad dad ♪
♪ He's our dad ♪
♪ He's our dad ♪♪
You know, girls,
hearing that beautiful song
makes me realize that you two
are definitely up to something.
Does that mean you
didn't like our song?
Alright, you two,
look, I loved your song.
You know, I-I had
a really hard day
so I'm just gonna buy
this song thing, alright?
Everybody looks happy
and healthy. What the heck?
[thud]
Guess I'm a little off today.
Why don't you take a nap?
Yeah. Yeah, maybe I will.
Just, uh, don't
miss the bed.
Hmm.
♪ Dad dad he's our dad ♪♪
I can't believe
we got away with it.
We never get away
with anything.
That was a little too close.
Let's not punch any
more holes in dad's wall.
- Okay?
- Deal.
Wasn't that the dumbest
song you've ever heard?
♪ Dad dad dad ♪
♪ Dad dad dad dad dad ♪
♪ Dad dad dad.. ♪
♪ Dad dad.. ♪
♪ Dad dad dad dad ♪♪
Michelle, why are you singing?
I love that song.
You love it?
We just made it up.
All it does is go..
♪ Dad dad dad ♪
♪ Dad dad dad dad ♪♪
That's why I love it.
I know all the words.
♪ Dad dad dad ♪
♪ Dad dad dad ♪♪
Can you believe her?
She wants to do
everything I do.
Gee, do you find that annoying
when your little sister
always wants to copy you?
Oh. I get it.
I guess I'm always annoying you.
Well, not all the time.
You saved us with
that silly dad song.
You were pretty tricky.
I learned it from watching you.
I am good, aren't I?
Hey, look, in a few years
you're gonna make
a pretty cool teenager.
Really?
Yep.
But until then..
...do me a favor
and just stick to being
a pretty cool kid.
You think
I'm a cool kid?
Yeah, you're
a cool kid.
I'm back.
So, ladies, what are
we going to do now?
[D.J. and Stephanie groaning]
Girls.
(D.J. and Stephanie )
Yes, dad?
Something's been
bothering me since you left.
And I have finally figured out
what is wrong with my room.
Who moved the baking soda
in my underwear drawer?
By the way, I love that dad
song. How does it go again?
♪ Dad dad dad dad ♪
What's that mop
and broom part?
♪ He's got a really clean room ♪
♪ And he keeps it that way ♪
♪ With a mop and a broom ♪♪
♪ Ah ah ah ah ♪
[theme music]
♪ Ah ah ah ah ♪
♪ Do be do ba ba da ♪♪