Not bad.
Play the piano.
Alright.
How's this?
Now play
the saxophone.
Okay.
[squeak]
You need music lessons.
[theme music]
♪ What ever happened
to predictability ♪
♪ The milkman
the paperboy ♪
♪ Evenin' TV ♪
♪ How did I get to living here ♪
♪ Somebody tell me please ♪
♪ This old world's
confusin' me ♪
♪ With clouds as mean
as you've ever seen ♪
♪ Ain't a bird
who knows your tune ♪
♪ Then a little voice
inside you whispers ♪
♪ Kid don't sell
your dreams so soon ♪
♪ Everywhere you look
everywhere you go ♪
♪ There's a heart ♪
♪ A hand to hold on to ♪
♪ Everywhere you look
everywhere you go ♪
♪ There's a place
of somebody who needs you ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ When you're lost
out there ♪
♪ And you're all alone ♪
♪ A light is waitin'
to carry you home ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪♪
Guys have no idea
that natural beauty
takes so much hard work.
Well, some guys do.
This morning, your Uncle Jesse
spent 47 minutes in the bathroom
fixing his hair.
He sprayed it.
He moussed it. He gelled it.
I think he even
used my hot rollers.
Okay. Done.
Thanks, Aunt Becky.
Uh-oh, I've to be out
of here in ten minutes.
Wait. I have
a better idea.
Follow me.
Okay.
Give me your feet.
Oh, you're a genius.
This works great.
Deej, you must have
really hairy feet.
Kimmy, it's for
my nail polish.
Is everything
set up for tonight?
Are you sure you want
to talk about this
in front
of the A-D-U-L-T?
It's times like this
I wish I knew how to spell.
Kimmy, you don't have to hide
anything from Aunt Becky.
She's like
my big sister.
Yeah. You can
tell me anything.
Okay. Here's the plan.
I start babysitting
at 7 o'clock.
I'll have the kid
in bed by 7:02.
Perfect. And the guys
are coming at 7:10.
See Aunt Becky, there's this
really cute guy named Ryan
in my biology class.
And we share
the same microscope.
They met over
a drop of pond scum.
Well, it gets better.
I invited Ryan over
to study for finals
with us.
He's even bringing
a friend for Kimmy.
Deej, how does your dad feel
about you inviting boys over
to a house
without any adults?
Well, dad feels fine
'cause
dad doesn't know.
You won't
say anything, will you?
No, I guess not.
- Thanks, Aunt Becky.
- You're welcome.
Hey, you guys
seen Joey?
Uh-uh.
Boy, Uncle Jesse, you're
having a really good hair day.
Really?
Oh, yeah. I guess I am.
It's funny too 'cause
I woke up this morning
and ran my fingers through it.
Just blessed, I guess.
Hurry, hurry!
Comet's having puppies!
What?
Comet's having puppies?
Wait a second.
Comet is a boy.
Ha ha ha.
I fooled you.
Michelle, sit down.
Let me tell you
a story about a little girl
who was watching sheep
and she liked
to fool people by crying wolf.
But, then, the real wolf came
and nobody believed her.
Okay. Tell me the story.
I just did.
No "Once upon a time?"
No "Happy ever after?"
Dumb story.
Why do I bother?
Well, here it is, boys.
The newest addition
to our production company.
Ta-da!
Ha! A pool table.
Alright. Joseph, now this
is a real office.
All we got to do now
is get rid of the desk
and make room
for the water slide.
It just so happens
I rented this pool table
to enhance our creativity.
Jess, you know how sometimes
we get stuck for an idea
what do we usually do?
Throw spit wads
at each other.
Not anymore.
From now on, we play pool.
But it's only to be used
in those rare moments
when we're
stuck for an idea.
Right.
Alright. Well, let's
get some work done.
Okay.
I'm stuck.
Yeah, me too.
Rack 'em up.
Hey, do you guys mind
if I play, too?
Aw, isn't that cute?
Danny wants to play pool
with the big boys.
Daniel, pool is a game of skill,
nerve, and coordination.
You keep score.
Oh, boy. Do I get chalk
and everything?
Yes. Now look, these are
the colored balls.
These are the pockets.
When we get one of the
colored balls into the pocket
you come over here. Run over
here, come here, come here.
You put a little line like that,
see that just like that.
Okay? There you go,
there's your chalk.
Ooh, thanks. This is
more fun than playing.
(Michelle)
'Daddy, come here!
Hurry up!'
Coming, Michelle.
Be right back.
'I'm coming.'
What is it, Michelle?
Are you alright?
There's a mouse over there,
and he has big teeth like this.
A mouse?
But there's no crumbs
on my floor.
That's common knowledge
in the rodent world.
Dad?
What are you doing?
Oh. Michelle
saw a mouse.
Oh, yeah?
Was it having puppies?
Ha ha ha.
I fooled you.
Michelle, it's not nice to try
and fool your dad like that.
I told her the story about
little girl who cried wolf.
I didn't cry wolf.
I cried mouse.
Ha ha ha.
Michelle, that's
really not funny.
Oh, hi, dad. Bye, dad.
I'll be babysitting
with Kimmy.
Whoa, whoa. D.J.
Your biology final is Monday.
Relaxez-vous, Mr. T.
She'll be studying with me.
That's
tres reassuring.
Hey. I know biology.
They made me
take it twice.
D.J., you're studying
in your room tonight.
But, dad, we had
this all planned.
Well, you didn't
plan it with me.
Becky, don't you think
that my dad's being unfair?
Oh, well, Deej, even
if I did agree with you
it's really
not my place--
See, dad, Becky
agrees with me.
That's not what she just said.
Is it, Becky?
Well, no. Not exactly.
What I meant was--
See, Deej?
She agrees with me.
Oh, I'm just going
to go wait over there.
D.J., my point is
it's very important
to get good grades.
There comes
a time in every person's life
when you have
to choose between excellence
and...less
than excellence.
The choice is yours.
Great. I'm going
with Kimmy.
Okay.
The choice is mine.
You're studying in your
room tonight. Case closed.
Au revoir, Kimmy.
Deej, this is awful.
I'm going to be stuck all
alone with those two cute guys.
Alright!
Can you believe this?
Ryan's going to think
I stood him up.
He's gonna hate me forever.
Well, call him
and tell what happened.
It's too late.
He's already on his way.
I have to explain
this in person.
If you saw how cute he was
you'd want to explain
this in person, too.
Can you cover for me?
Oh, Deej,
your dad said no.
Oh, come on, Becky.
Please?
It will be only ten minutes.
I promise.
You said
we were friends.
[sighs]
Alright. Ten minutes.
Thanks, Becky.
You're the best.
Go. Be back in ten minutes
or you're in big trouble.
And so am I.
[doorbell rings]
(D.J.)
'Hi.'
Deej!
- The warden let you out?
- Well, not exactly.
My dad thinks
I'm up in my room studying.
But Becky's gonna cover for me.
I only have ten minutes.
I hope Ryan's not late.
I wonder who he's
bringing for me.
Well, I don't know,
but Ryan said
he was definitely your type.
Excellent.
That means he's six foot two,
drives a red Lamborghini
and knows how to make me
feel like a woman.
Party! Party!
What are you doing up?
I want to watch
"Arachnophobia."
I know you can't tell time yet,
but it's way past your bedtime.
Liar!
I learned how
to tell time last week!
It's only...7:05.
Okay, Aaron, you leave
me no choice
but to sing you another lullaby.
No! Please!
Rock-a-bye baby,
on the tree top!
My ears! My ears!
When the wind blows,
the cradle will rock!
[doorbell rings]
That's the guys.
I've only got
eight minutes to start a deep
meaningful
relationship with Ryan.
- Hi, Ryan.
- Hi, Gibbler.
Hey, Deej.
You look different
outside of school.
I mean, you look
really pretty.
Thanks. You look
really pretty, too.
I mean, really
pretty masculine.
Okay, where is he?
Where's the hunk of my dreams?
Gibbler.
Bitterman?
I guess you two know each other.
Since third grade.
He used to eat my paste.
Come on, Gibbler,
you know you love me.
Excuse me while I barf.
Hey! Those are boys.
You're fired, Gibbler.
You can't fire me.
I quit.
Kimmy, you're babysitting.
You can't quit.
Um, Aaron, what if we
let you stay up late
and watch "Arachnophobia"
in your parents' bedroom?
That's a bribe!
Yes, it is.
I like bribes.
Hey.
Why don't we break up
into study groups?
I'll work with D.J.
Jake, you work with Gibbler.
Ah, the dream team.
Shut off the drool pipe,
Bitterman.
The party's over.
D.J.'s got to go home.
Why don't you walk her?
I really wanted
to hang out with you.
I can't believe you
have to go already.
Why would I go?
I just got here.
Ah-ha!
Kid's still got it.
Pay up, fun boy.
Come on, come on.
It's not whether
you win or lose
it's how you
play the game.
And I stink.
My turn.
Danny, please save yourself
the time and humiliation.
Just empty your
pockets right now.
Oh, come on, Jess.
Just one game.
I want to be able
to tell my grandchildren
that I actually played
"The Kid."
So what are you guys
playing for? Dollar a ball?
No, we're playing
for a quarter a b..
No. Yes, we're playing
for dollar a ball, yeah.
Alright.
You break 'em.
You know, what the heck
why don't we make it
two bucks a ball?
You, uh, you might want to use
the other end of the stick.
Oh.
Oh. No wonder they
call you "The Kid."
Whoa. You just sunk
three balls.
Oh, gee, I just made six bucks.
What a lucky start.
Okay. Split shot. Six ball
in the corner pocket.
Huh, would you
look at that?
I just made two go in.
[rock music]
Five?
Well, Jess, that is
50 balls at $2 a ball.
I believe that's, uh,
one hundred Mr. Washingtons.
Hey, talk about
beginner's luck.
You hustled me, man.
I was supposed
to be hustling you.
I'm glad you
appreciate the irony.
Thank you.
Joey, here's $10
for keeping your mouth shut.
Buy yourself
something nice.
You knew he was
a pool shark?
Well, he did go to college
on a billiards scholarship.
Why didn't you
say something?
'Cause I just made ten bucks.
Alright. You got to give me
a chance to get me even, man.
Alright, we'll play darts.
Jess, for once in your life
can't you just lose graciously?
No. One dart.
Double or nothing.
Alright.
- Twenty points.
- Ha ha.
Beat that,
Minnesota Skinny.
Okay.
- Bull's-eye.
- What?
Sorry, Jess,
I minored in darts.
Hey, there's, uh,
no rush to pay me.
- I know where you live.
- Oh, oh, hold it.
You ain't going nowhere.
Now I got to get even.
We're going to triple
or nothing. We'll..
I know. Whoever spins around
this chair the most times
in ten seconds wins.
Jess,
this is pathetic.
Shut up and time me.
Go.
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7--
Time.
Eight.
Beat that.
Jesse, are you so desperate
to beat me in something
you would lower yourself
to spinning in a chair?
I'm not doing this.
Forfeit. I win. We're even.
Joey, catch me.
Okay, Michelle.
Are you ready for
the yummiest most delicious bowl
of Rocky Road ice-cream
you ever ate in your life.
Rocky Road
makes me crazy.
Alright.
Here comes the marshmallows,
the almonds
the chocolate chips, the..
Oh, no! All the Rocky Road
ice-cream is gone!
All the ice-cream
disappeared!
Call the police.
This is an emergency.
What's so funny?
Ha ha ha.
I fooled you.
The ice-cream is hidden
right over here in this duck.
That was
a very mean trick.
I'm sorry, but I had
to teach you a lesson.
Now, you'll never fool anyone
again. Right, Michelle?
Right.
Now start scooping.
Hi, girls.
Uh, Danny, through
playing pool?
Yeah, Joey and Jesse
are down there
spinning in chairs
for quarters.
You know, I was, uh, kinda
of tough on D.J. tonight.
I think I better
go talk to her.
No. Don't.
Bad idea.
I mean, you know, kids that age,
they'll just tune you right out.
You'll talk and talk and talk
and it'll be like
she's not even there.
Becky, do you know
something I don't?
Yes, I do.
The gestation period
of an elephant is 22 months.
Actually,
I-I knew that.
Well, did you also know
D.J.'s not upstairs?
Now, that I didn't know.
Did she go out with Kimmy
after I told her not to?
I'm sorry, Danny.
I sort of told her she could.
Becky, why would you do that?
Well, I was just trying
to be her friend.
And she just needed
ten minutes to talk to Ryan.
And although that
was half an hour ago.
There goes D.J.
D.J.'s outside?
Where?
Michelle, didn't you just
learn not to make up stories?
This time
I made up the truth.
Michelle, it's over.
Give it up.
There she
goes again!
That is D.J.
I'm waiting.
Okay. I'm sorry.
I love to be right.
I think I'm gonna go have that
talk little with D.J. right now.
Oh, hello, honey.
Oh, hi, dad.
I was just coming
downstairs to study.
The lighting's
so much better.
D.J., I know what
you've been up to.
Um, exactly how
much do you know?
Lying, sneaking out,
meeting boys.
Dad, where did we
go wrong with her?
I know, I know,
I'm out of here.
Aunt Becky, you told on me?
Deej, why don't you go on up to
your room and get comfortable?
You're going
to be there for a while.
I thought
you were my friend.
Deej, wait.
Danny, let me talk to her.
Okay. But I'm next.
Becky, uh, don't be
so hard on yourself.
When teenagers
really want something
they have a way
of breaking us down.
I'll get stronger, Danny.
I promise.
[knock on door]
What?
Deej...you
and I need to talk.
About what?
About what happened.
You know, Deej,
you promised you'd come home
in ten minutes
and you didn't.
Well, you promised that you
wouldn't tell my dad.
D.J., you took advantage
of our friendship.
I guess I did.
But Ryan and I were
really getting along.
And I figured that
you'd cover for me.
Honey, I love you.
And I love that we can
spend time together
and that we can share secrets
but now that
I'm living here
I-I'm afraid there
are times when I'm gonna have
to be a responsible adult.
It's a flaw in me
you just gonna have to accept.
Well, nobody's perfect.
I'm really sorry,
Aunt Becky.
I'm sorry, too.
Oh, I think I'd better go
downstairs and apologize to dad.
Oh, wait. One question.
How did it go
tonight with Ryan?
Well, once Kimmy locked
Bitterman in the closet
it was smooth sailing.
Did you get any studying done?
Yeah, I studied--
Studied his eyes, his hair,
his cute little dimples.
Too bad that stuff's
not on the test.
It is too bad.
You're not going
to do very well
if you don't
hit those books.
[theme music]