♪ Whatever happened
to predictability ♪
♪ The milkman
the paperboy ♪
♪ Evenin' TV ♪
♪ How did I get to living here ♪
♪ Somebody tell me please ♪
♪ This old world's
confusin' me ♪
♪ With clouds as mean
as you've ever seen ♪
♪ Ain't a bird
who knows your tune ♪
♪ Then a little voice
inside you whispers ♪
♪ Kid don't sell
your dreams so soon ♪
♪ Everywhere you look
everywhere you go ♪
♪ There's a heart ♪
♪ A hand to hold on to ♪
♪ Everywhere you look
everywhere you go ♪
♪ There's a place ♪
♪ Of somebody who needs you ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ When you're lost out there ♪
♪ And you're all alone ♪
♪ A light is waitin'
to carry you home ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪♪
[orchestral music]
[guitar music]
♪ You know love don't come alive
till after midnight ♪
♪ And the passion rages
on on to daylight ♪
♪ Well I feel
like I'm in heaven ♪
♪ But I don't think
real love is in the air ♪
♪ What we have here
is a flesh tone love affair ♪
♪ Yeah yeah ♪
♪ Well I feel like
I'm in heaven ♪
♪ But I don't think
this union has a prayer ♪
♪ What we have here
is a flesh tone love affair ♪
♪ Gettin' crazy with
a flesh tone love affair ♪
♪ Undercover with
a flesh tone love ♪♪
[cheering and applause]
Max...you're the
record executive
but in my
objective opinion
that's the best song
in the history of music.
I hope "Jesse And The Rippers"
have an album out
by Christmas.
What a great stocking stuffer
for my thousands of friends.
Hey, Steph, why don't we
go out and go get jobs
so we have money
to spend on concert tickets
posters, and T-shirts.
I want my "Jesse And
The Rippers" lunch box.
Run long, kids.
I don't know where they learned
to kiss up like that but..
Gosh, I love
those shoes.
Well, I thought
you guys were great.
- Alright!
Yeah, but my opinion
means nothing.
- Oh.
- Oh. Oh.
But I'll give this, uh,
demo tape to my boss
and if he likes you guys
as much as I do
big things could happen.
- Well, thanks very much.
- Good luck. Pleasure.
And-and you know what?
You look great.
You really look good today.
Did I tell you I love
those shoes? 'Cause I do.
I love the shoes. Ha ha.
Ugly shoes.
Joey, could you please
make a sandwich for Glen?
Oh, sure. Who's Glen?
My invisible friend.
He's sitting right there.
Napkins.
Get up! Get up!
Get up!
Why? What's the matter?
You sat on Glen.
Please be careful!
Hey, Danny, that's
no way to treat
Michelle's imaginary friend.
Alright, Glen.
I'll just straighten
up your tie
and here let me adjust
your sombrero.
There we go.
Ugh! Ha ha ha.
Joey, he moved over there.
Oh, of course he did.
And he's not wearing
a sambrero.
Well, it looked
like a sambero to me.
Uh...hi, Glen.
How you doing?
Nice to meet you.
Ho ho ho!
He's got quite a grip.
Speaking of grips,
you boys better get one.
Hey, it's perfectly normal
for young children
to have imaginary friends.
When D.J. was a kid
she had an imaginary duck
named Norton.
- Norton.
- A duck!
Hey, Norton was just a phase,
I grew out of it.
That's true. She forgot
all about Norton
when she made friends
with Kimmy.
Man, I miss that duck.
You'll be sorry
when I'm gone, Mr. T.
How would I know?
You never leave.
[telephone rings]
I'll get it.
[ringing continues]
Hello?
Oh, okay.
D.J., it's Norton the duck.
Ha ha ha!
I quack myself up.
Steph, honey,
is that for me?
Yeah.
It's Dr. Crane's office.
Oh, great.
It's about time.
Hello.
You're kidding.
You're kidding!
He's kidding.
[sighs]
Oh, well, thank you.
Thank you, thank you!
Oh, boy. Oh, boy.
Oh..
Beef jerky, anybody?
Becky, could I, uh...talk
to you for a second, please?
Oh, sure, Danny.
I-I also have ranch-flavored.
Hey, I wanna come, too.
What are we waiting for?
Let's eavesdrop.
Okay, Becky, let's review.
You went to the doctor.
He called you right back.
You said, "Thank you,"
thank you, thank you."
And you've been living on beef
jerky for the last three days.
It's doesn't take a genius to
figure out what's going on here.
Yeah, she's obviously
iron-deficient.
And you're obviously
brain-deficient.
Joey, Rebecca is pregnant.
- Pregnant?
- Shh!
- Pregnant?
Who's pregnant?
Uh...I am.
Way to go, Joey!
Girls, I'm gonna have a baby.
Becky, you're gonna have a baby?
Shh! Be quiet.
Jesse's upstairs
and he still doesn't know.
Well, I'll tell him.
Follow me, everyone.
Oh! Wait a minute!
Hold it, Hold it!
Nobody is saying a word
about me being pregnant.
You know, eventually
he will find out.
I'm gonna tell him.
Tonight, over a romantic
candlelight dinner.
So promise me you won't
say a word, okay?
- Promise.
- Sure.
Glen wants to know
where babies come from.
Uh..
Cleveland.
Michelle..
we talked about how babies
come from mommies' tummies.
Glen wants to know
where the babies
sleep in there.
Well, the-the baby sleeps
in kind of a little
cozy waterbed.
Oh.
You tell Glen if he has
any more questions
he should ask
his invisible parents, okay?
Let's go finish lunch.
Hey, Beck, is something wrong?
Uh, I'm just a little nervous
about how Jesse's
gonna take the news.
I mean, we-we've talked
about having a baby
but not for couple
of more years.
I'm sure Jesse
is gonna be thrilled.
I hope so.
Boy, it's too bad
you're not an elephant.
You know, elephants,
they're pregnant for two years.
By the time
little Dumbo pops out
you're right
on schedule.
Little guy,
you know the..
[mimics trumpet]
- Where's Becky and Joey?
- Oh, they're in there.
Joey, Beck, come here, I want
you guys all to hear this.
Now, listen, the president
of the record company
heard my demo
and wants to meet me.
- That's great!
- Great!
See you guys later.
Jesse, we all just
want you to know that
we're really,
really happy for you.
What's going on?
Well, Jess,
you better get going.
You know, you don't
wanna be late.
Uh...Michelle,
honey, you stay here.
But don't you wanna tell him?
Goodbye?
Uh...yes, I do.
Uh, goodbye, sweetheart.
And, uh..
Hey, good luck,
you manly man, you.
[chuckles]
Boy, can we keep
a secret or what?
[sighs]
Beck, you'll never guess
what happened.
Oh, wait, wait.
I'm not ready yet.
Oh, darling,
you're home at last.
You did all this for me?
Well, uh, I have some really
great news for you.
I got some great news for you.
Get this, the record company
said we had this retro-punk
hip-hop, Euro-trash,
garage beat.
I don't know what the hell it
means, but it must be good
'cause they signed us!
Oh, honey, that's great!
I wanna hear all about
it over dinner.
Alright.
What are we having?
I'm glad you asked.
Because we're having
baby shrimp..
...baby corn..
...and baby back ribs.
Good. 'Cause, baby, I'm starved.
Jess, uh, sweetheart
do you see some sort of theme
running through this meal?
Oh, there's a theme? How fun.
Alright, let me guess.
Um..
Okay. We got
the baby shrimp.
Alright.
Baby ribs, baby cor..
Honey...finger foods.
It's beautiful. I love it.
Very, very clever.
Yeah. Nothing gets by you.
Oh, Beck, I'm so excited,
I can't even believe this.
"Jesse And The Rippers"
are going on tour
this summer for two months.
And get this,
this is the best part.
Our first stop is a state fair
opening up for Aerosmith.
You're gonna open up
for Aerosmith?
Well, technically,
we're opening a few days
before Aerosmith gets there
but...why nitpick?
So you're going away?
Yeah, but you're coming with me.
I mean, you have vacation time
coming up, right?
I mean, the-the timing
is perfect.
- What do you mean?
- I-I mean, think about it.
I mean, we're both young.
We have nothing
tying us down.
No responsibilities.
It's party time!
I'm too excited.
I can't eat.
I got to tell everybody.
I love you so much.
Oh, what-what was
your good news you had?
Oh. It can wait.
Alright.
We're just having a baby.
Ready? Guess.
Uh, tire.
Big Bird!
Lifesaver.
- Cheerio?
- Big Bird!
Michelle, it's not Big Bird.
Um...is it a donut?
Yes, it's a donut.
Next clue.
Big Bird!
- It is not Big Bird.
- It's not Big Bird.
Don't have a cow.
That's it. She got it.
See, donut, half a cow.
Don't have a cow.
I win. My turn.
Wonder if Aunt Becky told
Uncle Jesse about the baby yet.
I don't think so. We haven't
heard him scream.
Man, he's on a roll today.
He's having a baby,
he might have a record deal.
And he's having
a great hair day.
I'm done. You'll never guess.
- Big Bird.
You guys are good at this.
Hey, you, guys, I got the
greatest news in the world.
We know. Way to go.
I haven't told you yet. Oh..
I guess you can
tell by my face. I'm beaming.
We sure can. Congratulations
on your miracle.
I-I-I wouldn't exactly
call it a miracle.
I mean, it took
a lot of hard work.
You know, at the risk
of being vain
some natural raw talent, too.
I mean, you know, I've been
practicing for years.
Friends' garages..
...basements.
And listen,
when the big night comes
I want you all there
with me and Becky
screaming, and yelling,
and-and-and holding up lighters
and-and chanting,
"Jesse! Jesse! Jesse!"
- What?
- What are you talking about?
I'm talking about going on tour
with my band. What di--
Boy oh boy,
is my stomach hungry.
Uh, honey...would you mind goin'
into the kitchen and getting me
a nice big chunk
of beef jerky?
Thank you so much, sweetheart.
I don't know
what I'd do without you.
Are you tryin' to get rid of me?
Oh, no, not at all.
Now beat it.
You didn't tell him
about the baby yet?
Well, I started to,
but he was so excited
about going on tour and not
having any responsibilities
that I-I chickened out.
You have to tell him.
[sighs]
You're right, Danny.
I'll just look him
straight in the eye and say
Jess, you wanna play
Picture Charade?
- No.
- Uh, sure you do.
Of course you do.
Yes, you do.
Uh, just-just come back
here, honey
and-and have a seat
right over there.
Uh, now, everybody, this game
is just for Jesse, okay?
Alrght, Jess, you just
sit right there
and pay very close attention.
Alright. Now,
it's a movie title.
"Teenage Mutant
Ninja Turtles."
No, Michelle.
That's cheese.
Cheese.
Yeah, but it's a movie title.
Oh, um, simple,
"Dances With Cheese."
- No.
- Uh, uh, alright.
- Um..."Driving Miss Cheesy."
- No!
Oh, I got it, I got it,
I got it.
"Home Provolone," right?
Next clue.
Um, half.
- Okay, cheese half, cheese h--
- Look, uh, okay, great.
- Now, next clue.
- Bottle. Um, beaker.
'Bottle. Vase.'
Ink!
Gee, you're good, Uncle Jesse.
Yeah, I'm pretty good. Okay.
Uh, cheese half ink.
Cheese half ink.
She-she's hav, she's having.
Yes, yes, "She's having."
Okay, last clue.
(Jesse)
'She's having a..
She's having a..'
She's having a hot dog!
[sighs]
No!
What-what? It's clearly
a bun with a wiener stick
with a happy face.
No, Jesse, it's not "She's
having a hot dog."
It's "She's having a baby,"
and the "She" is me.
I'm having a baby!
Oh, you having a..
Did you hear that?
She's having.. What?
You're having a baby?
How did this happen?
Well, I know
how it happened.
- Really?
- Huh.
You know what this means?
We're having a baby!
I'm gonna be a father!
"Goodnight, stars.
"Goodnight, air.
Goodnight, noises everywhere."
That was beautiful.
Thank you. There'll be another
performance tomorrow night.
Same time, same chair.
Me and Glen will be there.
Honey, let's talk
about Glen for a second.
You know, it's fun
to have a Glen
or pretend duck
like Norton
or my best friend
when I was a kid
Terry the talking
washcloth.
But what is it
you like about Glen?
He's my friend.
My other friends are gone.
Oh, because
pre-school just ended.
Oh, so that's why
Glen just showed up.
Yeah, but don't worry,
next week, you start kiddy camp
and you're gonna meet
all kinds of new friends.
- Really?
- Yeah, really.
And If you want to,
you can take Glen with you.
That's okay.
He talks too much.
Sorry, Glen.
I love you, Michelle.
I love you, daddy.
You know, pretty soon,
it's gonna be your kid
saying, "I love you, daddy."
Can't wait.
I remember when
D.J. was born..
Pam and I, we looked down
at this innocent little baby
that we actually brought
into the world..
[inhales deeply]
...and it-it felt like..
I don't know.
This is why we're here.
So...you wanna do the honors
and tuck Michelle in?
Yeah. I can use
all the practice I can get.
[chuckles]
Goodnight, honey.
- Goodnight.
Aw, Michelle, Michelle.
Your Aunt Becky and I
are having a baby.
You're gonna have
a new little cousin.
- Is it boy or a girl?
- Well, we don't know yet.
Then you can name it
"Big Bird."
I can't believe that
I'm gonna be a daddy.
You think I'm ready
to raise a little kid?
You're doing
a very good job with me.
Thank you.
Let me tell you something.
I'm gonna be the best darn daddy
a kid could ever have.
And I'm not gonna miss
one second
of little Big Bird's life.
Starting right now,
I'm not leaving Becky's side.
You aren't going away?
Goody!
Of course I'm not
going away.
Oh, the band.
[sighs]
Well, it's just something
I always wanted to do.
Go on the road and..
...have a deal
with a record company.
I can't let the guys down.
I mean, without me,
"Jesse And The Rippers"
would be "And The Rippers."
Then again, I-I-I can't
let Becky down.
I mean, she's my wife. I..
How do I choose?
Easy. Put out your hand
and play
the Eenie-Meenie game.
Come on, Michelle,
I'm an adult.
Do you want my help or not?
Eenie meenie miney moe
catch a tiger by the toe.
If he hollers, let him go.
You better stay with Big Bird.
That's exactly
what I was thinking.
Michelle, I love
our little talks.
You always make things
seem so simple.
Thanks for the advice,
shorty.
Just doing my job.
Whoa! This baby thing happened
lot faster than I thought.
Honey, will you still love me
when I look like this?
Of course.
It'll be great.
I'll have a place for my popcorn
when we watch TV.
- You're very funny.
- Yeah.
[sighs]
Now, listen, uh..
I've had
some expert advice
and I've made
an important decision.
I'm canceling the tour
and I'm gonna stay
with you this summer.
Jess...who'd you get
this expert advice from?
Michelle.
She used the Eenie-Miney-Moe
method.
Honey, that's very sweet.
But what are you gonna miss
in the next eight weeks?
Morning sickness?
Midnight cravings?
Swollen ankles?
Mood swings?
Hey, look, I don't care.
I'm gonna be right by your side
24 hours a day.
Every time you turn around,
I'm gonna be there
helping you, supporting you,
whatever you need.
That's really gonna
get on my nerves.
Is this a mood swing? Huh?
'Cause I'm there for you.
Watch. See?
Hey, hi, babe.
I'm there for you, babe.
See how that works?
[chuckles]
Honey..
I think it's very sweet
that you wanna be by my side
but...we don't
have to stay home.
I mean, it's like you said.
I have some time off.
I could take my vacation,
I can go on the road with you.
And-and I could see you
on the weekends, too.
Well, you can't travel
in your condition.
Yes, I can.
The doctor said it's perfectly
safe for me to travel.
How do I know? I've never been
pregnant before.
[chuckles]
Well, I'll be fine.
Jess, I know how much
this tour means to you
and I don't want you
to miss it.
And that's what this marriage
is all about.
Making each others
dreams come true.
Well, you already made the best
dream of all come true.
So you're really happy about
having the baby right now?
Ah, well,
I mean, you know
we didn't plan it,
but who cares?
Yes. I'm-I'm,
I'm so happy.
Thanks for making me
be a daddy.
Thanks for making me a mommy.
[chuckles]
I love you.
Hello. There's
a kid in the room.
Michele, what are
you doing awake?
I didn't say goodnight
to Big Bird.
"Big Bird?"
That's our baby.
You named our baby "Big Bird?"
Well, you know,
just, just for now
until we find out if
it's a boy or girl
or a nine foot
yellow muppet.
Goodnight, Cousin Big Bird.
See you soon.
[laughs]
Get over here,
you silly girl.
[theme music]