Michelle, go to sleep.
You have a big day tomorrow.
This is not working.
I know someone who can't sleep
'cause she's thinkin' about her
first day of kindergarten.
So do I.
How about if I sing you a nice,
soft, soothing lullaby?
♪ Ooh ♪
♪ Michelle's gettin' sleepy ♪
♪ Oh, no, she's not ♪
♪ She's excited
about kindergarten ♪
♪ 'Cause she gets milk
in a little carton ♪
♪ When I need to sleep ♪
♪ I get milk and cookies ♪
♪ Whoa whoa whoa ♪
♪ She's got the can't sleep ♪
♪ School's startin'
too excited about kindergarten ♪
♪ Need some milk and cookie ♪
♪ Blues ♪
♪ Oh, yeah ♪♪
That chick knocks me out.
Yeah.
♪ Whatever happened
to predictability ♪
♪ The milkman,
the paper boy ♪
♪ Evenin' TV ♪
♪ But did I get
to livin' here ♪
♪ Somebody tell me please ♪
♪ This old world's
confusin' me ♪
♪ Clouds as mean
as you've ever seen ♪
♪ Ain't a bird
that knows your tune ♪
♪ Then a little voice
inside you whispers ♪
♪ Kid don't sell
your dreams so soon ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ There's a heart ♪
♪ A hand to hold on to ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ There's a face ♪
♪ Of somebody who needs you ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ When you're lost out there
and you're all alone ♪
♪ A light is waiting
to carry you home ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Do-bee do-baa da-da ♪♪
Hey, everybody, I'm home!
Hey, Comet, it's your Uncle J.
(Jesse)
Please, don't get up.
Hey, wake up!
Wake up. Hey, everyone wake up,
I'm home!
Hey, girls. Aww, I missed you.
Hey, Joseph. Hey, Michelle.
- Hey.
- Hey. It's 3:00 a.m.
School starts tomorrow.
You're making lunches.
Welcome back.
That's it? I-I've been on tour
all summer and that's all I get?
Next time, come home earlier.
Becky!
(Jesse)
'Beck, I'm home. Wake up.'
Beck, wake up.
Jess, you're home.
- Hey.
- Hi, honey.
Feels so good holding you
in my arms.
- Have mercy.
- I know.
I look like
Frosty the Snowman.
Aww, it's just that two weeks
ago when I saw you
you looked pregnant.
But now you look, huh, enormous.
Enormously pregnant.
I know, it was amazing. I mean,
one morning, I woke up
looked down,
and my feet were gone.
Hey, how you doin', little baby?
Daddy's home.
It kicked.
What's it doin' up so late?
Honey, you have to
read this book.
It tells you everything you need
to know about having a baby.
Alright.
"Chapter one.."
I think we already
covered that chapter.
- I'm out of here, dad.
- Oh, wait a minute. Come here.
Aww, it's my big girl's
first day of high school.
- Come, sit on my lap.
- Dad!
Ah, seems like only yesterday
I was holding you in my arms and
I saw my reflection
in your little bald head.
Dad, I have to go.
How do I look?
Cute.
Cute?
You're supposed to say I look
way too hot
and can't leave the house
dressed like this.
I'm sorry, honey.
You look very sexy.
Hola, Deej, Big Dan.
Hi, Kimmy.
My, you look nice today.
Thanks. My dad
said the same thing.
You see? Deej, you don't always
have to dress hot
to attract attention.
People are gonna like you
for who you are on the inside.
(Danny)
'Not how you look
on the outside.'
I know, it might seem weird
for me to say this. But, uh..
...I think right now you could
actually learn a lesson
from Kimmy.
Ready, Deej?
Well, I have to go back
upstairs and change.
My dad wants me to be
more like you.
No, no, no. You just,
you go to school.
- Please make new friends.
- Bye, dad.
- Bye.
Alright, right this way.
Bring it on down.
Let's swing that back end
around. Swing it around there.
Right there.
I'm an expectant mother.
Not a jumbo jet.
Please, the baby
can pick up your sarcasm.
What are you talking about?
I've been up all night readin'
that baby book and it says that
even in the womb, the baby
can sense everything
that's going on, alright.
So, starting right now
I want happy voices
and soothing sounds.
Jess, don't you think you're
goin' a little bit overboard?
Oh, is that what you think?
Hey, look, pal.
I'm gonna be a father. Okay?
You know what a big job that is?
Oh, gosh, no, Jess. Tell me.
That means
I'm gonna be responsible
for another human life. Okay.
And I want it to
start out right.
So from now on,
carry this around.
♪ Well, since my baby
left me, I found.. ♪♪
Jess, I'm not gonna
listen to Elvis 24 hours a day.
I figured that, so..
I bet its little lip's
curlin' up right now.
Oh, my god.
It heard me call it, "it."
Beck, we have to find out
if it's a boy or a girl.
No, Jess. You promised
that we'd be surprised.
Ah, tat tat.
Happy sounds, soothing voices.
No, now, Jess, you agreed
that we'd be surprised.
But I want you
to change your mind.
- It's not gonna happen.
- Yes, it is.
- No, it's not.
- Yes, it is.
Don't you worry. Your parents
aren't always this kooky.
- I'm not changing my mind.
- Yes, you are.
Hey, girls. Ready for
your first day at school?
Are you kidding? This year
I'm getting a man teacher
and he's a major babe.
Ooh!
Fourth grade is
gonna be so awesome.
Hey, I look good, I feel good
and I'm wearing
a smile that says
"Stephanie Tanner,
you're a winner."
How 'bout you?
Are you ready, Michelle?
Not as ready as she is.
Are the other kids
gonna like me?
Well, of course
they're gonna like you.
To be sure, you should do what
I did my first day at school.
See, when all the kids asked me
my name, I just went..
[imitating Bullwinkle]
Hello. My name's Joey Gladstone.
And all the kids laughed
and we became friends.
Okay, you try it.
Hello. My name is
Joey Gladstone.
That's good. But next time
try using your own name.
Hello. My name
is Michelle Tanner.
Hello. My name
is Michelle Tanner.
(Danny)
'Well, girls, here we are.'
This is my school?
It's so big.
(Joey)
'Well, you're a big girl now,
Michelle.'
I'm not that big.
Michelle...you're gonna be fine.
But if you need any help,
your big sister's
right in the same school.
Right, Steph?
Don't worry, Michelle.
Kindergarten is like preschool.
Only without the naps.
Too bad. I'm good at naps.
Come on, everybody.
Are you comin', Michelle?
I don't know about this.
- Come on, hon.
- Come on.
Let's go.
Jason.
Well, here's your
classroom, Michelle.
Doesn't this look like the
happiest place on earth?
No, that's Disneyland.
- Hello, I'm Miss Wiltrout.
- Hi, I'm Danny Tanner.
- And this is Joey.
- Mr. Tanner.
How do you do, Joey?
- And what's your name?
- Michelle Elizabeth Tanner.
This is my first day at school.
That's okay.
It's everybody's first day.
Oh, excuse me. Please don't
climb on my desk there, Maxwell.
Michelle, you have a great
first day at school.
I know you're gonna love it.
You'll have fun, honey.
I hope you're right.
Hey, Michelle..
...remember what I told you
about making new friends. Hmm.
- Bye, honey.
- Bye, Michelle.
- 'Bye-bye.'
- Bye.
[indistinct chatter]
Who are you?
My name is Michelle Tanner.
You are a strange kid.
They hate me already.
I'm out of here.
[bell ringing]
Excuse me, excuse me.
Have you seen my sister
Stephanie Tanner?
I don't know about this.
Alright, let me help you
down here.
Ah, we'll just sit.
Now remember, we don't wanna
know if it's a boy or a girl.
Okay. Alright.
Yes, I understand.
This is an interesting
sonogram. Boy--
It's a boy!
We'll name him, we'll name him,
uh, Jesse junior.
How's his hair?
Does he need mousse?
I'm not saying it's a boy.
Oh. Then it's a girl.
Jessica junior.
She's not datin' till she's 35.
I didn't say it was a girl.
What's left?
All we wanna know is that
the baby is healthy?
Relax. You don't smoke
and you don't drink.
You're doing everything
just right.
The babies will be just fine.
See that, Jess. The babies will
be just fine. Now, let's go.
Did you say babies?
Did she say babies?
That's what I said.
You're having twins.
Ha!
Who's having twins?
You are. Congratulations.
Jess, we're having twins!
Oh, honey!
Twins, I...just wanted to know
if it was a boy or a girl.
Twins?
We're having twins? That's, uh,
that's two babies at one time?
That's when like the
first baby comes out
then the second baby comes out.
Then we take 'em home
and raise 'em?
That's generally how it works.
Here's your sonogram.
Oh, Jess, this is so exciting.
Our first baby pictures!
See, here's one little head
and there's the other.
Sometimes one hides
behind the other.
Oh, honey, that's so cute.
They're already
playing together.
Any more hiding back there?
- No.
- Oh..
This is so exciting. I've gotta
get down to work, tell everyone.
Okay. I'm gonna stay
and ask a few questions.
- Okay. We'll celebrate tonight.
- Alright.
Honey, we're having twins!
Hee hee.
Jesse, are you alright?
Oh, no. No. I'm fine.
No, I'm great. It's..
...It's an extra baby,
so I'm extra happy.
You know, before I was
just, uh, responsible
for one human life. Now I'm
responsible for two human lives.
I'm fine. Really.
I mean, I-I'm so..
Can I just lay down
real fast for a second?
Can you just, uh,
click the oxygen off that?
And one of the most exciting
things about fourth grade is
that we'll be using...computers.
So anyone ever used one?
I've used my sister
D.J.'s computer.
She used up the last
of the creme rinse
in the shower this morning.
That's why my hair doesn't have
as much body and bounce
as it usually does.
I guess I'll sit down now.
I'm really not a geek.
(male #1)
'No one said you were.'
Alright. Another thing
we're gonna be doing
is breaking the class
into discovery groups.
(male #1)
'And here's our
first discovery.'
Psst. It's me, Michelle.
I know who you are.
Stephanie, would you like to
introduce us to your guest?
- Not really.
- I'm her sister, Michelle.
Hi. I'm Mr. Lowry.
You were right.
He is a major babe!
Why aren't you
in kindergarten?
Nobody likes me there.
I wanna stay with you.
What a sense of humor.
Can I take her back
to kindergarten?
Of course you can.
Thanks. But, uh, try not to
teach anything until I get back.
I don't wanna go back.
Don't worry, Michelle.
Your big sister's on the job.
Now, there's no reason why
any of those
kindergarten kids
shouldn't like you.
I mean, you're a terrific
little person.
Don't tell me, tell them.
Look what I found.
There you are, Michelle.
What happened?
That boy said I was strange.
She talks with her hands
on her head.
I think I can help here.
- May I?
- Oh, be my guest.
Michelle was just
trying to show you kids
the cool new way to say hello.
The Bullwinkle way.
Okay. Antlers up.
Now repeat after me.
[imitating Bullwinkle]
Good morning, Michelle.
[in unison]
Good morning, Michelle!
Good morning to you.
[laughing]
Wasn't that fun?
Let's all thank Michelle
for showing us how to be
a little bit cooler.
(altogether)
Yay!
See, Michelle. They like you.
Well, my work here is done.
Aw, good job.
Stephanie?
Yes, Michelle?
Thank you very much.
You're welcome.
Good boy, Comet.
You cleaned your plate.
Now remember what I taught you.
(Danny)
'Atta-boy, Comet.'
'Aww, good dog.'
'Yes.'
You know. Joey, you can
learn somethin' from that dog.
- Oh, hi, guys.
- 'Hey, Jess!'
Congratulations, man.
You're havin' twins.
Way to go, buddy boy. When you
do somethin', you really do it.
Huh?
- Where have you been all day?
- I was at the doctor's office.
Your appointment was
three hours ago.
I forgot I had a car.
It's...my head's
just kind of jammed. I mean, I..
...I mean, you know,
havin' a baby's great
but having twins..
Twins are gonna be
twice as great.
Twice the love, twice the hugs,
twice the kisses.
It's not that simple, Jesse boy.
Twins are twice the feeding,
twice the crying
twice the diapers,
and twice the responsibility.
Who are you?
I'm your evil twin,
Manny Tanner.
You need shower, Manny.
Yes. Twins will mean twice as
many "I love you, daddy"s.
You live in a bubble,
you Lysol-loving hug freak.
I'm crackin' up here.
Come on, Jess. You're gonna
make a great father.
What do you know?
You're 33 years old
and you wear
Scooby Doo pajamas.
Just the bottoms. And I suppose
you're my evil twin.
Yeah. What was your
first clue, Sherlock?
Well, you look a lot like me.
Hey, Jess. You can kiss your
rock 'n' roll days goodbye.
'You won't look so cool
with a twin on each arm'
and a spit-up rag
on each shoulder.
You know, for an evil twin,
you're not very nice.
Oh, good comeback.
Yeah.
You know,
I'm really sick of you.
[indistinct chatter]
Would the four
of you guys just stop?
Oh. Oh, thank god.
It's just the two of you guys.
You know, Jess.
You've been up all night.
I think you just need
to get some sleep.
No, no, no.
I don't need any sleep.
Maybe a little nap
wouldn't hurt.
Hi, Uncle Jesse. Wanna play?
Not right now, shorty.
I got, uh..
...lot of stuff
goin' on my mind. Thanks.
Not so fast, mister.
Park it right here.
Michelle, I-I really
don't wanna talk right now.
You always talk to me.
I guess you're right.
I've been spillin'
my guts to you
since before you were able
to talk back, huh?
Spill those guts.
Well, you heard about
this twins thing, right?
Yes, I did.
I'm very proud of you.
Now, thank you, but,
uh, I don't know.
I guess I'm just apprehensive.
Appre-what?
Apprehensive. It means, um..
...it means that
I'm nervous... about the twins.
This has got to be our little
secret, okay? Because..
...I'm afraid to talk
to the family 'bout it.
You know, they think of me
as bein', you know
so together and in control
all the time I just..
I just don't want them
to see me like this.
I don't know what to do.
- I do.
- You do?
Stephanie!
What are you doing, Michelle?
Stephanie helped me at school.
She's a genius.
- What's wrong, Michelle?
- Nothing. Nothing's wrong.
Uncle Jesse's apprehensive.
That means nervous.
Oh, I-I'm fine, Steph.
I'm fine, alright.
No offense, but I-I think
you're just a little young
for this problem.
Okay. In that case...D.J.!
- What is it?
- Uncle Jesse's apprehensive.
No, I-I'm not apprehensive.
I'm fine. Okay, girls.
Now, this is an adult thing.
No problem.
Dad! Joey! Aunt Becky!
Uncle Jesse's apprehensive!
- 'Who's apprehensive?'
- I'm fine!
Everybody, I'm fine, okay.
I'm fine.
I'm just, uh, just havin'
a bad hair day, that's all.
Little, uh, apprehensive
about my ph balance.
You said you were
apprehensive about the twins.
Here's another new word
for ya..."Blabber-mouth".
- I know that one.
- 'Hmm.'
Jess, I thought you were
happy about the twins.
I am. I-I'm extremely happy.
I'm happy.
Thrilled.
I'm lying.
Becky, I'm scared to death.
Uncle Jesse,
you're never scared.
Yeah, well, I've never
been a father before.
I mean, you know,
havin' one kid is scary enough
but the thought of havin' two..
You're the greatest uncle
in the world.
Yeah, but bein' an uncle
is easy. I mean, I..
I listen to your problem,
I throw in my two cents
then I dump the final decision
on your dad.
Now I'm gonna be
totally responsible.
My, my babies' lives
gonna be in my hands.
If I make one wrong decision,
and I screw up two lives.
I'm sorry, Becky.
You must think I'm a jerk.
No, honey.
I'm just as scared as you.
Oh, great. Who's gonna
take care of our kids?
You know, what you guys
are going through
is perfectly normal.
I was a nervous wreck the
first time I became a parent.
Once you hold that
little baby in your arms
I'm tellin' you,
you can't believe the feeling.
Come on. You two
are gonna make great parents.
And just remember we'll be here
whenever you need us.
Jess, for the past four years,
you've been livin' in this house
and you've been, Uncle Jesse.
But now, I'm gonna get to be,
Uncle Danny.
Your kids are gonna be so clean.
I'll babysit my new
cousins anytime.
Except for Friday
and Saturday nights.
And I'll take Friday and
Saturday, until I start dating.
I'll help, too, but no diapers.
They make me apprehensive.
Thank you, guys. I'm still
a little scared but..
...knowin' that I've got
you guys to back me up
really makes me feel happy.
Well, honey.
I am sure that we're gonna make
our share of mistakes
but one thing's for sure.
No two kids are
gonna be loved more.
You can count on that.
Well, you guys gotta see
our first baby pictures.
Hey!
- Aw.
Aren't they cute?
They'll look a lot better
once they get eyebrows.
[theme music]