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D.J.! D.J.! D.J.! Wake up.
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It's Saturday morning.
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I'm sleeping.
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Then why are you talking?
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I'm talking in my sleep.
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Goodnight.
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You're missing
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"Road Runner" cartoon.
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Meep meep meep!
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Meep meep meep!
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Hey, Looney Tune.
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Hey, cut the meeping.
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Michelle, when you
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reach a certain age
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you're just too mature
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to waste your Saturday mornings
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watching cartoons.
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Michelle, quick. You're missing
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"The Road Runner."
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Wile E Coyote
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just ran off a cliff
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and he's standing in mid-air.
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Now, come on, let's go,
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because as soon as he looks down
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you know it's gonna be..
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[whistling]
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How come he doesn't fall
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until he looks down?
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Because that's how
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cartoon gravity works.
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- Now, come on, let's go.
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- Meep meep meep!
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Oh, well, I'm up.
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Meep meep...meep.
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[theme music]
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♪ What ever happened
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to predictability ♪
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♪ The milkman
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the paperboy ♪
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♪ Evenin' TV ♪
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♪ How did I get to living here ♪
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♪ Somebody tell me please ♪
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♪ This old world's confusing me
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♪
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♪ With clouds as mean as you've
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ever seen ♪
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♪ Ain't a bird
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who knows your tune ♪
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♪ Then a little voice
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inside you whispers ♪
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♪ Kid don't sell
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your dreams so soon ♪
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♪ Everywhere you look
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everywhere you go ♪
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♪ There's a heart ♪
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♪ A hand to hold on to ♪
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♪ Everywhere you look
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everywhere you go ♪
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♪ There's a place ♪
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♪ Of somebody who needs you ♪
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♪ Everywhere you look ♪
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♪ When you're lost out there and
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you're all alone ♪
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♪ A light is waiting
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to carry you home ♪
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♪ Everywhere you look ♪
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♪ Everywhere you look ♪♪
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Hey, Michelle,
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look who came over to play.
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- Hi, Teddy.
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- Hi, Michelle.
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So what are you two crazy kids
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up to? A little tea party?
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We're gonna play "Terminator 2."
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[imitates Arnold Schwarzenegger]
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Oh, no problemo.
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Hasta la vista, baby.
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Consider that a divorce.
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I'm the party pooper.
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[laughing]
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I'll be back.
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Let's play "House."
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Okay, I'll be the daddy.
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I'll be Uncle Jesse.
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Uncle Jesse?
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You should be the mommy.
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I don't know how
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to be the mommy.
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- Why not?
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- I don't have a mommy.
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You should get one.
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Mommies use fabric softener
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on your pajamas.
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My daddy does that.
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Mommies always have
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good candy in their purse.
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My daddy has Wet-Naps
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in his wallet.
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Mommies smell nice
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and wear pretty dresses.
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You got me there.
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It's too bad
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you don't have a mommy.
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You're missing something good.
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Yeah, you're right.
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I need a mommy.
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Dad, just to save you
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some more cleaning
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what's the capital
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of Ecuador?
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Steph, wouldn't it be better if
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you just looked it up yourself
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instead of me telling you?
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You don't know, do you?
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Not a clue.
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Dad, I have to write
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a paper about
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what it's like being
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another person.
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So guess what I'm doing.
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I'm gonna live in someone else's
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house for two days
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and someone else
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is gonna live here.
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That sounds like a neat idea.
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So, uh, who's gonna live here?
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Hola, Mr. T.
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Dad, do something.
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She's got luggage.
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God save us all.
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Dad, it's for school.
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Every good grade
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helps me get into college.
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You know, a good education
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is highly overrated.
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Just relax. You guys
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are gonna have a great time
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because Kimmy's
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not really Kimmy.
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Kimmy's gonna be me.
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And I'm not gonna be me anymore
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because I'm gonna be Kimmy.
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Am I going too fast, Mr. T?
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I want my little girl back.
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Don't look at me.
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She's right here.
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Okay, look..
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I suppose we can
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give this a try
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as long as you can
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behave like D.J.
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Well, there are
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a few slight differences.
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I don't do housework, homework
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or anything else
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with "work" in it.
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Well, enjoy the new me.
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Adios, Tanneritos.
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- Bye.
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- Bye.
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So what do we do now?
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You people like to hug,
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don't you?
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- Hey, guys.
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- 'Hey, Jess.'
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- 'Hi, honey.'
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- Can you believe it?
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"Jesse And The Rippers"
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got turned down
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by another record company.
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They said our image is too soft.
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Where do those jerks
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get off calling me soft?
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I'm as tough as anybody.
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- Oh, hello in there.
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- Hello.
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How are my little
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twinsie-winsies?
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Did I just say
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twinsie-winsies?
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Yessie-wessie, Jesse.
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They're right. I'm a wuss.
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Beck, what am I gonna do?
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I have a showcase tomorrow night
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for another record company.
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Well, you and Joey
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used to be in advertising.
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Why don't you get
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the old team back together
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and come up with a bad image.
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What's this bonehead know
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about being bad?
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He watches cartoons all day.
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Are you trying to tell me that
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the Tasmanian Devil isn't bad?
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What does he do?
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Oh, it just so happens
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he spins around and slobbers.
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[imitating Tasmanian Devil]
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You're an idiot,
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but I'm desperate.
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- Let's go.
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- Idiot? Bye, Becky.
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Aunt Becky, can we talk?
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Sure, sweetheart.
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What do you wanna talk about?
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How do I get a mommy?
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Um, well, first your daddy
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needs to fall in love
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with a nice lady.
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How do you fall in love?
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Well, I fell in love
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with your Uncle Jesse
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over a candlelight dinner
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with flowers and soft music.
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Oh, it was very romantic.
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Was there kissing?
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- Yes, there was.
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- Ooh!
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Oh, it was just a little
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goodnight kiss
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that lasted three hours.
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How come nobody kisses my daddy?
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Well, that's a good question.
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I don't know. I mean,
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your daddy's a great guy.
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Okay, so he spends
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all his time cleaning
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and he talks too much,
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especially about himself.
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All your daddy needs to do
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is find a nice lady
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who's a good listener,
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and who needs a housekeeper.
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Now, I'm sure that
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she's out there somewhere.
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And when he finds her,
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he'll fall in love
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and then you'll
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have a new mommy.
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Do you understand?
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Yes, I do.
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My daddy needs help.
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What it's like to be
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D.J. Tanner. Day one.
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I'm about to discover the joy
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of having a little sister.
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Hey, squirt,
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get me two donuts, pronto.
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In your dreams.
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Don't you get it, kid?
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I'm the big sister.
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I gave you a direct order,
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now snap to it.
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Excuse me, Comet.
256
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Gibbler, let me tell you
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how this "sister" thing works.
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You're a pain in my neck,
259
00:08:42,689 --> 00:08:45,566
and I'm a pain in yours.
260
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It's a jungle in here.
261
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So if you want a donut, you
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march your little bird legs
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down to the kitchen,
264
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and get it yourself.
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Go ahead, I'll time ya.
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Ready. Go. Go.
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You're losing time.
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Comet, there goes one human
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you're smarter than.
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Jess, it's macho,
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it's tough.
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It's that hard-edge
273
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rock 'n' roll image
274
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we've been looking for.
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- I love it.
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- I hate it.
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Come on, Jess.
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It's totally Nelson.
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Ah!
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I look like Cousin Itt.
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Joey, think more
282
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on the lines of, uh..
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like-like White Snake
284
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and Ratt and Poison.
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Groups like that.
286
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I mean, I need something
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that's gonna grab
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the audience by their throat
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and just rip it apart.
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Okay, hold on.
291
00:09:34,491 --> 00:09:37,536
I'm getting something, uh..
292
00:09:37,577 --> 00:09:40,580
What are those birds that swoop
293
00:09:37,577 --> 00:09:40,580
down that everyone's afraid of?
294
00:09:40,621 --> 00:09:41,748
Pigeons?
295
00:09:42,665 --> 00:09:45,126
No. Bigger, darker, scarier!
296
00:09:45,168 --> 00:09:46,211
[snaps]
297
00:09:46,253 --> 00:09:49,923
I got it.
298
00:09:46,253 --> 00:09:49,923
You are Vulture.
299
00:09:51,049 --> 00:09:53,885
- Vulture, I like it.
300
00:09:51,049 --> 00:09:53,885
- 'Yeah?'
301
00:09:53,927 --> 00:09:55,762
It's dark. It's vicious.
302
00:09:55,803 --> 00:09:58,139
It's kind of like a buzzard,
303
00:09:55,803 --> 00:09:58,139
but it's got better hair.
304
00:09:58,181 --> 00:10:01,518
Yeah. Ladies and gentlemen,
305
00:09:58,181 --> 00:10:01,518
cover your heads.
306
00:10:01,560 --> 00:10:03,644
Hide your dead
307
00:10:01,560 --> 00:10:03,644
and bandage your open wounds.
308
00:10:03,686 --> 00:10:06,022
- Yeah.
309
00:10:03,686 --> 00:10:06,022
- Here comes Vulture.
310
00:10:06,064 --> 00:10:07,274
[squawking]
311
00:10:09,609 --> 00:10:10,902
Come on, do it. Do it. Vulture.
312
00:10:10,944 --> 00:10:11,945
[screeching]
313
00:10:11,986 --> 00:10:13,447
Scarier.
314
00:10:13,488 --> 00:10:15,365
Darker.
315
00:10:16,950 --> 00:10:18,410
More tongue.
316
00:10:16,950 --> 00:10:18,410
More tongue.
317
00:10:24,541 --> 00:10:25,792
Alright, now, children
318
00:10:25,833 --> 00:10:27,586
it's time to put away
319
00:10:25,833 --> 00:10:27,586
your crayons
320
00:10:27,627 --> 00:10:29,087
and clean up your desks.
321
00:10:29,129 --> 00:10:32,424
- Ooh, ooh, ooh.
322
00:10:29,129 --> 00:10:32,424
- Oh, yes, Michelle.
323
00:10:32,466 --> 00:10:35,843
- I got crayon on my desk.
324
00:10:32,466 --> 00:10:35,843
- Oh, that's alright.
325
00:10:35,885 --> 00:10:38,096
A little cleanser
326
00:10:35,885 --> 00:10:38,096
will clean that right up.
327
00:10:38,138 --> 00:10:39,847
Do you like to clean?
328
00:10:39,889 --> 00:10:43,351
Oh, yes. I always say,
329
00:10:39,889 --> 00:10:43,351
"A clean room is a happy room."
330
00:10:43,393 --> 00:10:45,312
My daddy says that too.
331
00:10:45,353 --> 00:10:46,813
[school bell ringing]
332
00:10:46,854 --> 00:10:49,399
Alright, another day
333
00:10:46,854 --> 00:10:49,399
without an injury.
334
00:10:51,859 --> 00:10:53,361
- Oh, hi.
335
00:10:51,859 --> 00:10:53,361
- Jason!
336
00:10:53,403 --> 00:10:57,824
Brandon T, and Brandon L,
337
00:10:53,403 --> 00:10:57,824
here are your moms.
338
00:10:57,865 --> 00:10:59,993
Oh, and there's Michelle's dad.
339
00:11:00,034 --> 00:11:01,828
Hi, Michelle.
340
00:11:01,869 --> 00:11:03,121
Daddy, guess what.
341
00:11:01,869 --> 00:11:03,121
Guess what.
342
00:11:03,163 --> 00:11:05,415
- Guess what.
343
00:11:03,163 --> 00:11:05,415
- What? What? What?
344
00:11:05,457 --> 00:11:08,376
Miss Wiltrout said,
345
00:11:05,457 --> 00:11:08,376
"A clean room is a happy room."
346
00:11:08,418 --> 00:11:10,420
Sounds like my kind of teacher.
347
00:11:10,462 --> 00:11:12,922
That is very good news.
348
00:11:14,341 --> 00:11:16,801
- Hello, Mr. Tanner.
349
00:11:14,341 --> 00:11:16,801
- Nice to see you again.
350
00:11:16,843 --> 00:11:19,304
I'll let you two talk.
351
00:11:19,346 --> 00:11:20,930
[chuckles]
352
00:11:20,972 --> 00:11:22,307
So how's Michelle doing?
353
00:11:22,349 --> 00:11:25,935
Well, she did very well
354
00:11:22,349 --> 00:11:25,935
in art class today.
355
00:11:25,977 --> 00:11:29,981
Uh, unfortunately, most of it
356
00:11:25,977 --> 00:11:29,981
wound up on her desk.
357
00:11:30,023 --> 00:11:31,525
Mm. Well, do you mind
358
00:11:31,566 --> 00:11:33,026
if I just take this
359
00:11:31,566 --> 00:11:33,026
whole thing home
360
00:11:33,067 --> 00:11:35,236
and hang it on the
361
00:11:33,067 --> 00:11:35,236
refrigerator?
362
00:11:37,071 --> 00:11:39,157
I got a secret.
363
00:11:39,199 --> 00:11:41,242
What? Tell me.
364
00:11:41,284 --> 00:11:44,663
My daddy and Miss Wiltrout
365
00:11:41,284 --> 00:11:44,663
are gonna fall in love.
366
00:11:44,703 --> 00:11:46,747
They are not.
367
00:11:48,333 --> 00:11:49,668
They are too.
368
00:11:49,708 --> 00:11:51,836
I'm getting a new mommy.
369
00:11:59,678 --> 00:12:02,347
Our teacher's gonna be
370
00:11:59,678 --> 00:12:02,347
your new mommy?
371
00:12:02,389 --> 00:12:04,641
Watch this.
372
00:12:04,683 --> 00:12:07,852
You know, if you buff these
373
00:12:04,683 --> 00:12:07,852
desks with a cheesecloth
374
00:12:07,894 --> 00:12:09,187
I think it will bring out
375
00:12:09,229 --> 00:12:11,565
the natural luster
376
00:12:09,229 --> 00:12:11,565
of the Formica for ya.
377
00:12:11,606 --> 00:12:13,650
- I'll make a note of that.
378
00:12:11,606 --> 00:12:13,650
- Right.
379
00:12:13,692 --> 00:12:17,736
Daddy, can Miss Wiltrout
380
00:12:13,692 --> 00:12:17,736
eat at our house?
381
00:12:17,778 --> 00:12:20,240
Well, sure, I guess
382
00:12:17,778 --> 00:12:20,240
if Miss Wiltrout's
383
00:12:20,281 --> 00:12:21,824
looking for someplace to eat
384
00:12:21,866 --> 00:12:23,702
we'd love to have her over.
385
00:12:23,742 --> 00:12:25,912
How about lunch tomorrow?
386
00:12:25,953 --> 00:12:28,665
Well, lunch sounds lovely.
387
00:12:28,707 --> 00:12:31,376
Perfect. It's a date then.
388
00:12:31,418 --> 00:12:32,627
Yes.
389
00:12:41,094 --> 00:12:42,721
Hey, little sis..
390
00:12:42,761 --> 00:12:45,682
You know what I learned from
391
00:12:42,761 --> 00:12:45,682
trading places with D.J.?
392
00:12:45,724 --> 00:12:48,268
There's no one
393
00:12:45,724 --> 00:12:48,268
I'd rather be than me.
394
00:12:48,309 --> 00:12:51,396
Except maybe Madonna,
395
00:12:48,309 --> 00:12:51,396
because she's really rich.
396
00:12:51,438 --> 00:12:53,022
Or maybe Julia Roberts.
397
00:12:53,064 --> 00:12:54,857
People say I look just like her.
398
00:12:54,899 --> 00:12:58,319
'Kimmy, I'm in the closet.
399
00:12:54,899 --> 00:12:58,319
I've closed the door.'
400
00:12:58,361 --> 00:13:01,656
'Does that mean
401
00:12:58,361 --> 00:13:01,656
anything to you?'
402
00:13:01,698 --> 00:13:03,658
Yeah, I should talk louder.
403
00:13:04,951 --> 00:13:07,828
- Oh, amigo.
404
00:13:04,951 --> 00:13:07,828
- Hey, I like your outfit.
405
00:13:07,870 --> 00:13:11,374
You should, it's yours.
406
00:13:11,416 --> 00:13:14,294
D.J., you're back.
407
00:13:14,335 --> 00:13:16,921
What have the Gibblers
408
00:13:14,335 --> 00:13:16,921
done to you?
409
00:13:16,963 --> 00:13:20,007
Nothing. I'm just trying to get
410
00:13:16,963 --> 00:13:20,007
the total Kimmy experience.
411
00:13:20,049 --> 00:13:23,344
Now, back off, squirt. I just
412
00:13:20,049 --> 00:13:23,344
came back to get my skates.
413
00:13:23,386 --> 00:13:26,180
You didn't tell me it was roller
414
00:13:23,386 --> 00:13:26,180
derby night at your house.
415
00:13:26,222 --> 00:13:28,475
It's me and your dad versus
416
00:13:26,222 --> 00:13:28,475
your mom and your brother
417
00:13:28,516 --> 00:13:30,644
in the ultimate
418
00:13:28,516 --> 00:13:30,644
grudge-match race.
419
00:13:30,685 --> 00:13:32,771
No holds barred, no time limit.
420
00:13:32,811 --> 00:13:36,357
Watch out for my mom. She hides
421
00:13:32,811 --> 00:13:36,357
an eggbeater in her pants.
422
00:13:36,399 --> 00:13:40,278
Got it. You know, Kimmy,
423
00:13:36,399 --> 00:13:40,278
it's kind of fun being you.
424
00:13:40,320 --> 00:13:43,364
Hey, Mr. T,
425
00:13:40,320 --> 00:13:43,364
pretty sharp sweater.
426
00:13:43,406 --> 00:13:44,532
Not.
427
00:13:45,700 --> 00:13:48,077
[rock music]
428
00:13:49,788 --> 00:13:53,124
Hey, hey, totally
429
00:13:49,788 --> 00:13:53,124
stony dog collar. Alright.
430
00:13:54,959 --> 00:13:58,421
Wow, Danny, you really fit in.
431
00:13:58,463 --> 00:14:01,048
That Mister Rogers sweater
432
00:13:58,463 --> 00:14:01,048
didn't give you away at all.
433
00:14:03,551 --> 00:14:06,179
Hey, man, I know you dudes.
434
00:14:06,220 --> 00:14:08,389
Wait till you see
435
00:14:06,220 --> 00:14:08,389
the special effects I rigged.
436
00:14:08,431 --> 00:14:11,934
The guys from the record company
437
00:14:08,431 --> 00:14:11,934
are gonna be totally stoked.
438
00:14:11,976 --> 00:14:13,812
Hey, bogus sweater, dude.
439
00:14:13,852 --> 00:14:16,189
Oh, thanks, man.
440
00:14:13,852 --> 00:14:16,189
It's machine washable.
441
00:14:16,230 --> 00:14:19,442
- Alright.
442
00:14:16,230 --> 00:14:19,442
- Alright.
443
00:14:19,484 --> 00:14:20,901
Whoa, I gotta go start the show.
444
00:14:20,943 --> 00:14:23,655
- Peace, hippies.
445
00:14:20,943 --> 00:14:23,655
- Peace, baby.
446
00:14:23,697 --> 00:14:25,406
(male announcer)
447
00:14:23,697 --> 00:14:25,406
'The Smash Club presents'
448
00:14:25,448 --> 00:14:30,203
'the world premiere of Vulture.'
449
00:14:30,787 --> 00:14:32,955
[squawking]
450
00:14:39,462 --> 00:14:41,881
(Jesse)
451
00:14:39,462 --> 00:14:41,881
One, two..
452
00:14:41,922 --> 00:14:44,801
One, two, three!
453
00:14:45,635 --> 00:14:48,929
Ha ha ha!
454
00:14:48,971 --> 00:14:51,057
[rock music]
455
00:14:56,521 --> 00:14:58,648
Hey, get me down.
456
00:14:58,690 --> 00:15:02,610
It's stuck. Just sing,
457
00:14:58,690 --> 00:15:02,610
I'll fix it.
458
00:15:04,153 --> 00:15:06,364
♪ I wanna rock ♪
459
00:15:06,406 --> 00:15:08,491
♪ He wants to rock ♪
460
00:15:08,533 --> 00:15:10,618
Joey, get me down.
461
00:15:10,660 --> 00:15:12,746
♪ Joey, get him down ♪
462
00:15:12,787 --> 00:15:14,873
You're dead meat.
463
00:15:14,914 --> 00:15:17,917
♪ He's dead meat ♪
464
00:15:21,671 --> 00:15:23,882
- What are you doing?
465
00:15:21,671 --> 00:15:23,882
- Here, hold him for a second.
466
00:15:23,923 --> 00:15:26,926
- Just--
467
00:15:23,923 --> 00:15:26,926
- Hey, I'm tryin' to play.
468
00:15:31,681 --> 00:15:34,768
- Get me down!
469
00:15:31,681 --> 00:15:34,768
- Be careful, sweetheart.
470
00:15:35,976 --> 00:15:38,104
- Keep singing, they love you.
471
00:15:35,976 --> 00:15:38,104
- What?
472
00:15:38,145 --> 00:15:40,106
Keep singing, they love you.
473
00:15:40,147 --> 00:15:42,108
[Jesse screaming]
474
00:15:43,401 --> 00:15:45,820
(Jesse)
475
00:15:43,401 --> 00:15:45,820
Hey. One, two, three, four!
476
00:15:48,155 --> 00:15:49,574
- Way to go, sweetheart!
477
00:15:48,155 --> 00:15:49,574
- Yeah!
478
00:15:49,616 --> 00:15:52,159
(Jesse)
479
00:15:49,616 --> 00:15:52,159
Thank you. Thank you.
480
00:15:52,201 --> 00:15:55,204
Rock 'n' roll, everybody.
481
00:15:55,246 --> 00:15:56,748
Vulture lives.
482
00:16:01,085 --> 00:16:04,338
Oh, come on, Jess, talk to me.
483
00:16:01,085 --> 00:16:04,338
Vulture wasn't that bad.
484
00:16:04,380 --> 00:16:07,383
And the firemen were happy
485
00:16:04,380 --> 00:16:07,383
to get you down. It's their job.
486
00:16:12,305 --> 00:16:16,851
Thanks to you, I got
487
00:16:12,305 --> 00:16:16,851
rock 'n' roll's biggest wedgie.
488
00:16:16,893 --> 00:16:18,352
Okay, you don't wanna fly?
489
00:16:18,394 --> 00:16:20,688
You could always burrow up
490
00:16:18,394 --> 00:16:20,688
from under the stage
491
00:16:20,730 --> 00:16:22,690
and be The Gopher.
492
00:16:22,732 --> 00:16:25,234
[imitating Gopher]
493
00:16:22,732 --> 00:16:25,234
He he he.
494
00:16:27,612 --> 00:16:29,656
The Gopher.
495
00:16:29,697 --> 00:16:31,115
Oh, there's a real tough image.
496
00:16:31,157 --> 00:16:35,328
Hey, ask any gardener
497
00:16:31,157 --> 00:16:35,328
who he fears the most.
498
00:16:35,369 --> 00:16:38,456
And if you remember back to the
499
00:16:35,369 --> 00:16:38,456
movie "Caddyshack," you know..
500
00:16:38,498 --> 00:16:40,040
You kill those little
501
00:16:38,498 --> 00:16:40,040
varmints and, uh..
502
00:16:40,082 --> 00:16:43,210
you know, they always
503
00:16:40,082 --> 00:16:43,210
come back and, uh..
504
00:16:43,252 --> 00:16:45,129
you know, it's, uh,
505
00:16:43,252 --> 00:16:45,129
kind of a Cinderella story
506
00:16:45,171 --> 00:16:46,547
you know, so I got
507
00:16:45,171 --> 00:16:46,547
that going for me
508
00:16:46,589 --> 00:16:48,174
which, you know,
509
00:16:46,589 --> 00:16:48,174
it's a plus.
510
00:16:52,637 --> 00:16:54,180
And this whole thing
511
00:16:52,637 --> 00:16:54,180
was just a big mistake.
512
00:16:54,221 --> 00:16:55,890
I'm going back to being
513
00:16:54,221 --> 00:16:55,890
"Jesse And The Rippers."
514
00:16:55,932 --> 00:16:57,642
Okay, I'm gonna find some
515
00:16:55,932 --> 00:16:57,642
record company out there
516
00:16:57,684 --> 00:16:59,936
who wants me for me.
517
00:16:59,978 --> 00:17:01,896
And if not, you can always
518
00:16:59,978 --> 00:17:01,896
make a living
519
00:17:01,938 --> 00:17:03,648
playing Peter Pan.
520
00:17:09,529 --> 00:17:11,280
[doorbell dings]
521
00:17:11,322 --> 00:17:13,282
Daddy, my teacher's here.
522
00:17:11,322 --> 00:17:13,282
Hurry up!
523
00:17:13,324 --> 00:17:14,826
I'm coming, Michelle.
524
00:17:15,702 --> 00:17:18,579
Here. Women love flowers.
525
00:17:20,206 --> 00:17:21,958
Well, that's very sweet of you.
526
00:17:22,000 --> 00:17:23,376
Mwah!
527
00:17:24,002 --> 00:17:25,712
Wait a minute.
528
00:17:30,216 --> 00:17:32,677
You look very handsome.
529
00:17:32,719 --> 00:17:35,388
Well, thank you very much.
530
00:17:35,429 --> 00:17:37,891
Now, be nice and don't talk
531
00:17:35,429 --> 00:17:37,891
about yourself.
532
00:17:40,184 --> 00:17:43,103
Michelle, I do not
533
00:17:40,184 --> 00:17:43,103
talk about myself.
534
00:17:44,230 --> 00:17:45,565
Okay, maybe I do
535
00:17:44,230 --> 00:17:45,565
just a little bit
536
00:17:45,606 --> 00:17:46,816
but that's because
537
00:17:45,606 --> 00:17:46,816
when I was five
538
00:17:46,858 --> 00:17:48,026
I didn't really
539
00:17:46,858 --> 00:17:48,026
have any friends--
540
00:17:48,067 --> 00:17:49,903
Daddy!
541
00:17:51,445 --> 00:17:54,281
Okay, you're right.
542
00:17:51,445 --> 00:17:54,281
I'll, uh, I'll do my best.
543
00:17:55,825 --> 00:17:57,284
- Well, here I am.
544
00:17:55,825 --> 00:17:57,284
- Hello.
545
00:17:57,326 --> 00:17:58,745
- How are you?
546
00:17:57,326 --> 00:17:58,745
- Good.
547
00:17:58,786 --> 00:18:01,288
Hello, Michelle.
548
00:18:01,330 --> 00:18:05,084
- These are for you.
549
00:18:01,330 --> 00:18:05,084
- Oh. Dandelions, my favorite.
550
00:18:05,125 --> 00:18:09,296
Daddy is the nicest man
551
00:18:05,125 --> 00:18:09,296
in the whole world.
552
00:18:09,338 --> 00:18:12,258
Well, I don't know if I'm the
553
00:18:09,338 --> 00:18:12,258
nicest man in the whole world.
554
00:18:12,299 --> 00:18:15,053
Although some people think
555
00:18:12,299 --> 00:18:15,053
I might be the cleanest.
556
00:18:15,094 --> 00:18:17,388
In fact, in high school,
557
00:18:15,094 --> 00:18:17,388
I founded the FJA.
558
00:18:17,430 --> 00:18:19,724
Future Janitors of America.
559
00:18:19,766 --> 00:18:22,518
[blows raspberry]
560
00:18:22,560 --> 00:18:24,938
Well, enough about me.
561
00:18:22,560 --> 00:18:24,938
Why don't we go eat some lunch?
562
00:18:25,396 --> 00:18:26,522
Ah!
563
00:18:32,946 --> 00:18:35,031
This way, please.
564
00:18:39,118 --> 00:18:41,829
Oh, look at that. Michelle set
565
00:18:39,118 --> 00:18:41,829
the table all by herself.
566
00:18:41,871 --> 00:18:45,875
Oh, it looks very pretty.
567
00:18:48,127 --> 00:18:51,839
There's no candles because
568
00:18:48,127 --> 00:18:51,839
I can't play with matches.
569
00:18:54,092 --> 00:18:56,761
Isn't he a gentleman?
570
00:18:56,803 --> 00:19:00,347
Yes. He gets a gold star
571
00:18:56,803 --> 00:19:00,347
for good manners.
572
00:19:00,389 --> 00:19:02,725
And she also made lunch
573
00:19:00,389 --> 00:19:02,725
all by herself.
574
00:19:02,767 --> 00:19:04,102
What do we have here?
575
00:19:04,143 --> 00:19:07,939
We have peanut butter,
576
00:19:04,143 --> 00:19:07,939
and jelly, and milk.
577
00:19:07,981 --> 00:19:11,609
Oh, sweetheart, there's, uh,
578
00:19:07,981 --> 00:19:11,609
only one glass of milk here.
579
00:19:11,651 --> 00:19:13,111
I know.
580
00:19:16,114 --> 00:19:18,532
Now, you could share.
581
00:19:16,114 --> 00:19:18,532
Have a nice lunch.
582
00:19:20,326 --> 00:19:22,202
Michelle, aren't
583
00:19:20,326 --> 00:19:22,202
you gonna eat with us?
584
00:19:22,244 --> 00:19:24,330
You need to be alone.
585
00:19:25,706 --> 00:19:26,749
[music on radio]
586
00:19:26,791 --> 00:19:28,668
♪ A ♪
587
00:19:26,791 --> 00:19:28,668
♪ You're adorable ♪
588
00:19:28,709 --> 00:19:31,004
♪ B ♪
589
00:19:28,709 --> 00:19:31,004
♪ You're so beautiful ♪
590
00:19:31,045 --> 00:19:32,338
♪ C ♪
591
00:19:31,045 --> 00:19:32,338
♪ You're a cutie ♪
592
00:19:32,379 --> 00:19:34,340
♪ Full of charms ♪
593
00:19:34,381 --> 00:19:36,134
♪ D ♪
594
00:19:34,381 --> 00:19:36,134
♪ You're delightfull ♪
595
00:19:36,175 --> 00:19:38,594
♪ E ♪
596
00:19:36,175 --> 00:19:38,594
♪ You're excitful ♪♪
597
00:19:40,262 --> 00:19:42,974
She sure went to a lot of
598
00:19:40,262 --> 00:19:42,974
trouble for this.
599
00:19:43,016 --> 00:19:46,310
You know, she-she's really doing
600
00:19:43,016 --> 00:19:46,310
very well in school.
601
00:19:46,352 --> 00:19:48,813
You don't need to
602
00:19:46,352 --> 00:19:48,813
suck up like this.
603
00:19:52,399 --> 00:19:55,153
Hey, uh, we Tanners
604
00:19:52,399 --> 00:19:55,153
are not suck-ups.
605
00:19:55,194 --> 00:19:58,364
Goody two-shoes maybe,
606
00:19:55,194 --> 00:19:58,364
but not suck-ups.
607
00:19:58,405 --> 00:20:02,160
Well, maybe she just wants us
608
00:19:58,405 --> 00:20:02,160
to be very good friends.
609
00:20:02,201 --> 00:20:03,410
I guess.
610
00:20:03,452 --> 00:20:04,954
Bon appetit.
611
00:20:06,497 --> 00:20:09,000
Are you in love yet?
612
00:20:09,042 --> 00:20:10,501
[coughing]
613
00:20:10,543 --> 00:20:12,712
Oh, dear. Here, here.
614
00:20:12,753 --> 00:20:15,422
Arms up. Arms way..
615
00:20:15,464 --> 00:20:17,299
Have a sip of milk.
616
00:20:17,341 --> 00:20:20,553
Mm. Good boy.
617
00:20:17,341 --> 00:20:20,553
That's a good boy.
618
00:20:21,428 --> 00:20:23,347
Thank you.
619
00:20:23,389 --> 00:20:24,515
Michelle..
620
00:20:26,308 --> 00:20:27,476
What did you just say?
621
00:20:27,518 --> 00:20:31,064
I said, are you in love yet?
622
00:20:33,232 --> 00:20:34,775
Michelle..
623
00:20:34,817 --> 00:20:36,610
[sighs]
624
00:20:34,817 --> 00:20:36,610
we're just friends.
625
00:20:36,652 --> 00:20:39,363
Then you better start kissing.
626
00:20:41,657 --> 00:20:44,202
Your-your teacher and I
627
00:20:41,657 --> 00:20:44,202
are-are not going to kiss
628
00:20:44,243 --> 00:20:46,495
and we're not
629
00:20:44,243 --> 00:20:46,495
gonna fall in love.
630
00:20:46,537 --> 00:20:49,289
Now, I'll never get a new mommy.
631
00:20:54,879 --> 00:20:56,463
Oh, dear.
632
00:20:56,505 --> 00:20:58,758
I'm sorry, I had no idea this
633
00:20:56,505 --> 00:20:58,758
is was what she had in mind.
634
00:20:58,799 --> 00:21:00,467
I better talk to her.
635
00:20:58,799 --> 00:21:00,467
Will you excuse me for a moment?
636
00:21:00,509 --> 00:21:02,803
- Oh, yes. Yes, of course.
637
00:21:00,509 --> 00:21:02,803
- Thanks.
638
00:21:05,723 --> 00:21:06,849
Oh.
639
00:21:09,351 --> 00:21:10,436
[knock on door]
640
00:21:10,477 --> 00:21:11,938
Come in.
641
00:21:15,066 --> 00:21:17,568
- Hi, Michelle.
642
00:21:15,066 --> 00:21:17,568
- Hi, daddy.
643
00:21:19,653 --> 00:21:21,572
I think we have to talk.
644
00:21:21,614 --> 00:21:24,242
I think we'd better.
645
00:21:24,283 --> 00:21:27,245
[exhales]
646
00:21:24,283 --> 00:21:27,245
I'm sorry you went
647
00:21:24,283 --> 00:21:27,245
to so much trouble today.
648
00:21:27,286 --> 00:21:29,455
I wish I had a mommy.
649
00:21:30,664 --> 00:21:33,417
Well, I know you don't
650
00:21:30,664 --> 00:21:33,417
remember, but..
651
00:21:33,459 --> 00:21:35,836
...you had
652
00:21:33,459 --> 00:21:35,836
a wonderful mommy.
653
00:21:35,878 --> 00:21:38,256
And she loved you
654
00:21:35,878 --> 00:21:38,256
very, very much.
655
00:21:38,297 --> 00:21:42,927
It's no fair. All the
656
00:21:38,297 --> 00:21:42,927
other kids have mommies.
657
00:21:42,969 --> 00:21:47,014
Well, I know it might seem like
658
00:21:42,969 --> 00:21:47,014
everybody else has a mommy..
659
00:21:47,056 --> 00:21:48,641
...but, honey, the truth is
660
00:21:48,682 --> 00:21:50,559
some people just have a mommy
661
00:21:50,601 --> 00:21:52,436
or they just have a daddy
662
00:21:52,478 --> 00:21:55,898
or a grandma, or a grandpa,
663
00:21:52,478 --> 00:21:55,898
or an aunt and uncle.
664
00:21:55,940 --> 00:21:57,817
There's all different
665
00:21:55,940 --> 00:21:57,817
kinds of families.
666
00:21:57,858 --> 00:22:00,778
- Really?
667
00:21:57,858 --> 00:22:00,778
- Yeah.
668
00:22:00,820 --> 00:22:02,780
What makes a family..
669
00:22:02,822 --> 00:22:05,658
...is when you have people
670
00:22:02,822 --> 00:22:05,658
who take care of one another..
671
00:22:05,699 --> 00:22:07,701
...and love each other.
672
00:22:07,743 --> 00:22:09,203
You have a very special family.
673
00:22:09,245 --> 00:22:11,497
You have a daddy,
674
00:22:09,245 --> 00:22:11,497
and an Uncle Jesse
675
00:22:11,538 --> 00:22:13,833
and an Aunt Becky, and a Joey.
676
00:22:13,874 --> 00:22:17,503
I bet nobody
677
00:22:13,874 --> 00:22:17,503
in school has a Joey.
678
00:22:18,629 --> 00:22:19,755
[laughing]
679
00:22:19,797 --> 00:22:22,800
That's a pretty safe bet.
680
00:22:22,842 --> 00:22:24,177
So you see, in a way,
681
00:22:22,842 --> 00:22:24,177
you and your sisters
682
00:22:24,218 --> 00:22:25,719
you're pretty lucky.
683
00:22:25,761 --> 00:22:28,222
Because you have four people
684
00:22:25,761 --> 00:22:28,222
who care about you
685
00:22:28,264 --> 00:22:30,308
and love you very, very much.
686
00:22:30,348 --> 00:22:33,269
I love you very, very much.
687
00:22:36,689 --> 00:22:39,525
I love you too.
688
00:22:39,566 --> 00:22:42,028
Come on, let's go have lunch
689
00:22:39,566 --> 00:22:42,028
with your teacher, okay?
690
00:22:43,570 --> 00:22:46,240
Will I ever get a new mommy?
691
00:22:46,282 --> 00:22:49,118
- Well, I hope so.
692
00:22:46,282 --> 00:22:49,118
- Have you met the school nurse?
693
00:22:49,160 --> 00:22:51,912
She's very hot.
694
00:22:51,954 --> 00:22:54,957
Really? How hot is she?
695
00:22:51,954 --> 00:22:54,957
What color hair does she have?
696
00:22:54,999 --> 00:22:58,502
- Hot pink.
697
00:22:54,999 --> 00:22:58,502
- Hot pink.
698
00:23:01,505 --> 00:23:02,631
[theme music]